The Pregnant Registrar

‘Because I talk to them about medicine,’ Lydia snapped, and then bit it back, shrugging her shoulders helplessly at her own abrasiveness. ‘Six months ago I was an entirely different person.’ She gestured to the window, and they stared out through the half-open blinds for a second or two before Lydia carried on talking. ‘See Jo there, chatting away while she works, laughing at something someone’s said? Well, that was me. I knew all the staff, and I don’t mean just their names, I knew what was happening in their lives.’

‘You’ve only been here a couple of weeks,’ Corey pointed out, but Lydia shook her head.

‘I’m a fast learner. I get on with people, or at least I used to.’ Green eyes were staring at her now, the anger gone from them. But Lydia knew he deserved an explanation and, perhaps more pointedly, she wanted to tell him her story, though why she couldn’t quite fathom.

‘I thought we had a good marriage. Gavin was a pharmacologist working for a big US drug company. He was away a lot, but I didn’t mind.’ Corey didn’t say anything, just headed for the inevitable kettle, making a cup of tea as she carried on talking. Lydia was infinitely grateful for the reprieve from his gaze as she told her difficult tale. ‘He was involved in drug trials on my old ward. It was terribly complicated and meant he was there a lot.’

‘You didn’t mind?’ It was the first time Corey had spoken, his hand hovering over the sugar bowl but his back still to her. ‘Seeing him at work every day?’

‘Not in the slightest. I mean, we were so busy there wasn’t exactly time for social chit-chat, at least not on my part.’ She watched him spoon the sugar into her mug, watched as it passed the one mark and went to two, didn’t even think to stop him as a third sugar hit was ladled into the brew. Accepting the sickly offer, she took a sip, glad of the sweet warmth before she continued. ‘You asked where the loo rolls came into things.’ A hollow laugh filled the room. ‘Suddenly we were rowing about everything, even down to loo rolls, but whenever I pushed, whenever I asked what was wrong, I got the same response: “I’m just tired.” I knew that wasn’t it, knew there must be something else…’ Her voice trailed off and Corey spoke for her.

‘He was having an affair?’

‘Of course.’ She watched as he blinked in surprise at her openness, even managed a wry smile of her own as she found her voice again. ‘But that’s not the best bit. As I said, I knew there was something wrong and finally Gavin came up with an answer. He wanted a baby, figured that now we were in our thirties it wasn’t such an unreasonable request.’

‘You didn’t want children?’

Lydia shook her head. ‘No. When people asked, I always qualified that with “not for ages”, but the honest answer is I really didn’t want to have a child. I love my work, loved my husband, it was truly enough for me.’

‘But not for Gavin?’

‘Seemingly not. He knew I didn’t want children and with hindsight I guess it was the one thing he could hang on me, apportion blame to. I guess he didn’t know me well enough.’ Tired, confused eyes met his. ‘I came off the Pill.’ Her voice dropped so low it was barely audible. ‘Figured I was being selfish. After all, it was hardly an unreasonable request—we’d been married five years, for heaven’s sake. I should have held my ground.’

Realising she’d lost him, Lydia gave a tired shrug.

‘It turned out he never wanted a baby either. It was just an excuse, an excuse to dust away the rows, to explain the sudden lethargy and the problems we supposedly had. Gavin no more wanted a child than I did. I found out he was sleeping with one of the nurses on my ward.’

‘Oh, no.’ She heard the genuine shock in Corey’s voice but it bought no comfort. Lydia was far too used to being the centre of gossip, way too used to the incredulous reaction to the news.

‘Oh, yes! He’d been sleeping with Marcia for three months, and the worst part was I thought she was my friend.’ Her eyes screwed closed for a second. ‘She was actually my best friend. I thought we were really close, I’m not one for opening up…’

‘I’d never have guessed.’

His dry comment even forced a tiny smile but it didn’t last long as Lydia continued her painful tale. ‘I’d even confided in her about our problems, told her I was thinking of coming off the Pill…’ Gripping her fists tightly in her lap, Lydia took a deep breath before continuing. ‘I know it was a one-off, know most people don’t behave like that, would be appalled by Marcia’s behaviour, but I simply don’t know how to respond any more, I don’t know who I can trust.’

‘You can trust me.’ The directness of his statement caught her unawares, dragged her out of her introspection, enough to at least meet his eyes. ‘I know I’m no compensation for an errant husband and a lousy best friend, but I can be a good ally when needed.’

Lydia nodded. ‘When you asked for the money—’

‘Forget it,’ Corey said. ‘It was my turn to be insensitive, my turn to make stupid assumptions. You’re right. Because you’re a registrar, because you’ve got fabulous nails and immaculate hair, I assumed you were loaded.’

‘Immaculate hair.’ Lydia gave an incredulous laugh. ‘It’s all over the place.’

‘So is Nicole Kidman’s,’ Corey pointed out.

Lydia gave a dry laugh. ‘Ah, but mine’s naturally chaotic.’ Peering down at her hands, Lydia stared at her nails.

And very nice they looked, too! But only because she’d given up biting them, only because she’d awarded herself a weekly home manicure as a treat for not chewing the blessed things.

‘As seemingly unplanned as this baby was, I had at least worked out the basics.’ Her eyes were still focused on her nails, the uncomfortable subject of money not really allowing for eye contact. ‘I was due long service leave, I’d worked at Bayside for years, I had more sick days and annual leave owing than anyone I’ve ever met, the pay office was always ringing and insisting I take a break…’

‘But the roster never accommodated,’ Corey filled in wisely, and Lydia nodded.

‘I could have taken close to a year off on full pay, bar shift allowance, but at the end of the day I couldn’t do it, couldn’t stay there another minute, with everyone knowing my business, everyone feeling sorry for me.’

‘Did Marcia leave?’

‘Why would she?’ Lydia responded, surprisingly without bitterness. ‘When I was more than ready to?

‘So now I’m having the baby Gavin insisted he wanted but evidently didn’t and facing three months off with no maternity leave pay. And as I bought Gavin out, I’ve now got a mortgage that would feed a third world country.’

‘You can make him pay,’ Corey ventured, but watching her stiffen he changed track. ‘Sorry, wrong choice of words. What I’m trying to say—’

‘I know,’ Lydia gulped. ‘And you’re right, I could make him pay: drag him through the children’s court for alimony and child support. But I’m not going to do it, Corey, because guess what? I neither want nor need his help. He signed himself out of this marriage when he slept with Marcia, and for a guy who’s so wrapped up in saving lives with his bloody drug trials, he couldn’t even raise a smile when he found out I was pregnant. So if you think I’m going to run to him with a begging bowl…’ She stopped, realising her anger, however merited, was misdirected. ‘I’d love to go to the ball, love to dig in my bag and sign a cheque, but the simple truth is I can’t.’ Lydia gave a dry smile ‘Have you seen the price of nappies?”

‘Wait till they’re weaned and hit the orange juice!’

She would have laughed but tears had started. Corey pushed a box of tissues over the desk and when she couldn’t quite reach it he came around, wrapping her in his arms as if she were a rugby ball, letting her cry as if it was the most natural thing in the world, not remotely embarrassed as he held her and wiped rivers of mascara from her cheeks.

And somewhere in mid-gulp, somewhere between another tissue and a glass of water, those arms that were holding her didn’t feel quite so comforting any more, the aftershave filling her nostrils not quite so reassuring…

Panicky and out of control would be a rather more apt description, and for the first time in months it had nothing to do with an errant husband and a baby that hadn’t been on the agenda.

For the first time in months it had everything nice to do with being a woman.

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.