- -
- 100%
- +
As the pain had passed she’d straightened up and leant against a wall, trying to get back her breath.
She’d been standing in stockinged feet, holding her shoes, when she had broken out into a cold sweat and suddenly felt as if she might vomit.
The hotel, even though it was just across the street, had seemed a very, very long way off.
It had happened as rapidly as that.
Beth had taken out her phone and stared at it, wondering who she should call, trying to fathom what to do. Should she call the hospital she was booked into?
But that was in Edinburgh.
Did she need an ambulance?
No, she decided.
The pain had gone now.
Was it perhaps the beginnings of an upset stomach?
She tried to console herself that it was that.
Even if it meant that all Mr Costas’s family and friends were bent over a toilet right now, somehow she convinced herself that she must have eaten something that had disagreed with her.
But then another pain came.
It wasn’t as severe as the first but it was way more than the practice contractions that the midwife at her last antenatal visit had told her to expect. Then she felt a pulling sensation low in her pelvis that had her gasp and it felt as if the baby had shifted lower and was pressing down.
She knew she had to get to hospital and she saw a taxi and stepped forward and hailed it. Thankfully he slowed down.
‘Can you take me to the nearest hospital?’ she asked.
‘The Royal?’
‘Please.’
Beth sat there with her heart hammering, telling herself she was overreacting and wondering who she could call.
Her parents?
Immediately she pushed that thought aside.
They were furious and deeply embarrassed that she was pregnant and wanted nothing to do with her for now.
Oh, her mother visited occasionally and came armed with knitted cardigans and booties, and her father had sent her a card with a long letter as well as a cheque to buy some essentials for the baby.
It wasn’t the child’s fault, he had said in his letter.
She thought of calling Rory, her ex.
Only it wasn’t fair to call him after midnight when there was nothing he could do.
It wasn’t as if it was his baby.
Beth willed herself to stay calm.
The pain had stopped and even if she was in labour she knew that there were drugs that could be given to halt it. That had happened to a friend of hers. Yes, she’d be stuck in London perhaps for a little while but she could handle that.
Just as long as the baby was okay.
Then another pain hit.
And this was even worse than the first had been.
So much so that Beth let out a long moan as she fought the urge to crouch down on the taxi floor.
‘It’s okay, love,’ the taxi driver called out. ‘We’re just about here.’
He stopped the taxi outside the Accident and Emergency department and started sounding his horn and making urgent hand gestures for someone to come and assist. Beth watched as a security guard raced inside.
The pain had passed but it felt as if her legs had turned to jelly and she couldn’t move. She was starting to shake yet she was still desperately trying to cling to the denial that her baby was on the way. First babies took for ever, Beth knew that, and she had only had a few contractions. She was fine, so much so that she went in her purse to pay the fare.
‘How much is it?’ Beth asked in a voice that sounded vaguely normal.
‘It’s okay, love,’ the driver said. ‘This one’s on me.’
‘Here,’ Beth said, and held out some money, but he didn’t take it. ‘Here!’ she shouted when she never, ever shouted.
She wanted this to be a normal taxi ride, not an emergency one.
‘You’ll take my money!’ she told him.
It was imperative to stay in control—Beth had been taught to.
There might be a wild, feisty streak that ran through her but she had long ago learnt to suppress it.
Bar once.
That lapse was the reason she was here tonight.
Beth didn’t want the sight of two nurses coming towards her and pushing a wheelchair. She handed over the money and watched as the door was opened by one of them.
‘I can make my own way,’ she said, yet her hand was now gripping the handle above the window and she was again fighting not to bear down.
‘Let’s help you out,’ a nurse said.
With no choice, Beth accepted the waiting hands that helped her out.
She was still carrying her coat and shoes yet she was shaking all over.
‘I’m Mandy,’ a nurse told her, ‘and this is Valerie. What’s your name?’
‘Beth.’
‘How far along are you, Beth?’ Mandy asked as they helped her into a wheelchair.
‘Twenty-nine weeks.’
They pushed the chair into the department and Beth could see that it was busy.
The doors to an area opened and she glimpsed a lot of staff around what looked like a very sick child and a man receiving cardiac massage.
Shouldn’t these nurses be in there, helping?
Yet they were both still with her and had wheeled her into a cubicle and were helping her to stand and asking questions about the pregnancy and how long she’d had pain for when she felt a warm gush between her legs.
‘I’ve wet myself...’ Beth whimpered, and she started to cry with the indignity of it all as they helped her up onto the trolley.
Mandy was peeling off her underwear and tights and Valerie was trying to get her out of her dress as a receptionist came in.
Why was a receptionist here when she was nearly naked? Beth wanted to ask. She was a very private person and it felt appalling to be exposed but then Mandy covered her with a blanket.
Beth saw Mandy’s worried look as she took a phone out of the pocket of her uniform and suddenly she had gone.
‘We need your full name and address,’ the receptionist said.
They didn’t seem very relevant to Beth right now.
‘Elizabeth Foster.’
‘And I need your address, Elizabeth.’
‘Beth,’ she loudly corrected, and realised she was shouting again but she hated being called Elizabeth—that was the name her parents used when they were cross.
Oh, and they’d been cross of late.
‘We need your address...’
Beth gave it.
‘You’re a long way from home,’ Valerie commented.
‘I’m in London tonight for work.’
‘We need a next of kin.’ The receptionist was still asking questions but Beth was finding it hard to focus let alone answer and she shook her head. She did not want them contacting her parents about the baby when they had been so angry and had said they wanted nothing to do with it but then Valerie spoke gently.
‘If something happens to you, Beth, we need to know who to call.’
And though she was currently upset with her parents she thought of them in the middle of the night being called with bad news and she didn’t want that for them.
‘Rory...’ Beth gasped.
He would know how to handle them.
‘Is that your partner?’ the receptionist checked.
‘No, he’s my ex but he’s a very good family friend, he knows all that’s happened, he’d know how best to tell my parents if something happened to me.’
‘What’s his phone number?’
‘It’s on my phone.’
She found the number and then watched in terror as a resuscitation cot was brought into the cubicle and plugged in.
‘It’s too soon,’ Beth pleaded. ‘Can’t you give me something to stop it?’
Surely they were going to stop the labour—she was only twenty-nine weeks.
‘It’s okay.’ Valerie put an arm around her.
‘I need to push.’
‘Don’t push,’ the nurse said. ‘Wait till the doctor’s here.’
Beth screwed her eyes closed and fought not to push. It was like trying to hold back the tide yet she did all she could to hold her baby in.
Everything was going wrong.
Every last thing.
Because she opened her eyes and suddenly there he was.
Elias.
Her one-night stand, the father of her child.
‘No.’
She actually tried to launch herself and get off the trolley and declared she was going home.
She simply wanted to run.
Yet there was nowhere to go, the logical part of her brain knew that, and so did he for he caught her hands and held her loosely by the wrists as she knelt up on the trolley with the hastily put-on gown falling over her shoulders, and she knew her breasts were exposed.
And she cared not a jot any more.
He was so calm that she actually thought he might not recognise her.
Beth knew she would never forget him.
She had never thought she would see Elias again and yet she was staring into those grey eyes that had so easily seduced her and it was all too much to take in.
He was wearing rumpled navy scrubs and his hair was longer than it had been when they’d met. Now it fell forward and she wanted to push it back from his eyes, and she saw that unlike when they had met he was unshaven.
He looked as if he had just woken up.
‘Beth,’ he said. ‘The obstetrics team is on the way. For now, though, it’s me.’
She just stared back.
‘I’m one of the doctors working in Emergency tonight and I need to examine you.’
There was no choice, Elias knew.
He was the only doctor available in a critical situation.
Not that Beth understood.
‘Oh, no!’ She shouted it out. ‘I want an obstetrician!’
Valerie squeezed her shoulder.
‘Dr Santini knows what he’s doing,’ she reassured Beth. ‘He’s an emergency registrar. Just last month he delivered a lovely baby boy. You’re in good hands, Beth.’
It wasn’t his bloody qualifications she was objecting to.
It was the man himself, the man who, as Valerie helped her lie back, was calmly putting on a paper gown and then had the nerve to put on gloves.
‘You stop to...?’ She didn’t finish but Elias got the inference.
He had intimately explored her with his fingers, why worry with gloves now? And, no, he hadn’t stopped to put on a condom.
Here, perhaps, was the consequence.
He couldn’t think like that now. He could not addle his mind with the thought that he might be about to deliver his own child.
‘We need to focus on the baby,’ he said, and Beth looked at him and saw that despite the very calm demeanour there was concern in his eyes.
Serious concern.
‘Can she have some oxygen on?’ he asked Valerie, who was trying to pick up the baby’s heart rate with a Doppler machine.
The gown had long since gone.
She was naked, scared and vulnerable.
‘Can I examine you, Beth?’ Elias checked.
She could hear the chimes going off again. They were calling for an anaesthetist now and she thought of the man being given CPR. She had heard the nurses discussing the very sick child and if more staff needed to be sent down.
It was down to Elias, she realised.
Maybe this was hard for him too, she thought, because now she knew that he recognised her, for his voice was a touch strained as he requested her consent.
She nodded and then she told him her fear and why she was so confused.
‘It’s happening so fast. Just so-o-o fast. I was fine.’
‘How long have you been having contractions for?’ Elias asked, as Mandy helped her to lie down and lift her legs.
‘I don’t know,’ Beth said, and then she remembered standing outside the restaurant and looking at her phone as she pondered what to do.
‘Midnight.’
Elias glanced up at the clock—it wasn’t even twenty past twelve.
Poor thing, Elias thought.
Not just because it was Beth.
It was called a precipitate labour, one where the uterus rapidly expelled the foetus, and, though premature babies often came faster than full term ones, this was very rapid indeed. The contractions were often violent and exhausting, and the mother presented as drained and shocked.
‘Can you give me something to stop the labour?’ Beth asked as he examined her, and then she saw Elias’s jaw grit.
‘Beth, your baby’s about to be born. There’s nothing I can give you to stop it. We want to slow this last part down as best we can. You’re not to push...’
He would try and control the delivery with his hand as a very rapid birth could damage the baby’s brain, and also he badly wanted assistance to be here when the baby was born.
He looked over to Mandy.
‘Should we move over to Resus?’ he asked quietly, because there were more drugs and equipment over there, but Mandy shook her head.
‘It’s full. We’ve got everything in here and the team are on their way.’
Elias nodded.
He had seen them at work several times. They came with everything that was required. They could turn this room into a neonatal intensive care ward and also a theatre, if such was needed for Beth.
He was very glad to know that they were on their way.
His fingers were on the baby’s head, trying to control the delivery, and, unlike the large baby he had recently delivered, this head was tiny to his hand. ‘It’s coming again,’ Beth said. ‘I have to push,’
‘No, no,’ he told her, but not dismissively, more he suggested that she could resist. ‘Breathe through it, Beth. Take some nice slow breaths.’
She was taking short, rapid ones.
‘Slow breaths,’ he reminded her. ‘Let’s try to give this little one a gentle entrance to the world.’
Another contraction was coming and she moaned through the pain and the agony of not pushing when every cell in her body demanded that she do just that.
‘It’s too soon,’ she sobbed. ‘The baby’s too early...’
‘It is what it is,’ Elias said as the pain passed.
Odd, but those words calmed her.
They were the words her father used when one of his parishioners came to him during a tumultuous time in their life. Always Donald was calm and wise. He would listen as they poured out their dramas and fears, and then those were the words he would recite—it is what it is—and then he would do what he could to help them move forward.
Her father, though, had not been able to do that with her. It had been too much for Donald to accept that his gorgeous, well-behaved daughter had run so wild, let alone offer guidance.
Now Elias did.
His voice was assertive as he told Beth what to do and she was ready to listen.
‘Keep taking some nice deep, slow breaths so that your baby gets plenty of oxygen.’
She could do that.
‘Focus,’ Elias said.
‘I’m trying to but—’
‘Nothing else matters now.’
It didn’t.
His words were for both of them, a secret conversation between them, and he glanced up as he said it. ‘Just focus on the baby, the rest can all wait.’
Their history was irrelevant right now.
He could see that the baby was a redhead like its mum, but he would let Beth find that out for herself.
Any moment now.
He looked over at the equipment that was all set up and at the cot that was now ready and waiting. The overhead lights would warm the little one and he gave Mandy a small nod of thanks because she had it all under control. She was pulling up a drug that would be given once the baby was born to help with the delivery of the placenta.
There were scissors and cord clamps waiting. There was a sterile wrap she would take the baby from Elias with. And there was a little moment of calm.
‘You’re doing so well, Beth,’ he said.
He meant it.
She was exhausted, her auburn hair was as wet as if she’d just come from the shower. Her already pale skin was bleached white so that her freckles stood out.
And yet she was calm now.
Resigned that her baby was coming, whether she was ready or not, Beth was doing all she could to take slow breaths so that more oxygen could get to her child.
Valerie had found the baby’s heart rate with the Doppler and it was strong and fast and it felt as if it was the only sound in the room.
‘Do you know what you’re having?’ Valerie asked, and Beth shook her head.
‘I wanted it to be a surprise.’
And, at the oddest of moments, she and Elias shared a small smile.
It was certainly that.
Then she stopped smiling.
‘Another one’s coming,’ Beth said.
He heard her hum, and then she hummed louder and her thighs were shaking as she fought not to push.
And though Beth didn’t push, her uterus contracted and the head was out.
The cord was around the neck but only loosely and Elias slipped it over the little head.
‘Are you ready to meet your baby?’ Elias asked.
‘No,’ she answered, yet her hands were reaching out.
He watched as the baby’s little almond-shaped eyes opened and then the baby was delivered into his hands.
It was a little girl.
‘Hey, baby,’ he said, and Beth watched as he smiled and saw that there were tears in his eyes. She was so glad that her baby had been delivered with love.
Somehow, at the scariest, most petrifying time in her life, she felt safe.
He held the baby as Mandy clamped and cut the cord. She was blinking at the world and taking her first breath, startled. Her eyes screwed closed and then her mouth opened and she let out a small, shrill cry. As Mandy went to get the sterile sheet to take the baby from him, instead Elias passed her to Beth’s waiting hands.
That moment of contact with the baby had felt such a vital one that he wanted Beth to experience it as well, as he knew it would be a while before she got to hold her again.
The baby was vigorous and had started to cry as she was born but calmed as she met her mother.
‘A girl,’ Beth said, as her baby was passed to her, and she scooped her in.
The baby lay stunned on Beth’s chest like a shocked little bird recovering from a fright. The little eyes were open as she breathed in the scent of her mother and listened to the familiar sound of her heart.
Mandy put a blanket over the two of them and held oxygen near the baby’s face as Elias came over to do the initial assessment of the infant.
He could not afford to think of her as his so he pushed that aside as he checked the baby.
Her heart rate was rapid and her breathing was too and she was pink.
It was a moment.
Less than a moment that mother and baby shared.
Yet it was such a precious time. There was a beautiful time of calm and peace as she met her little girl.
‘Oh, baby,’ Beth sobbed, and she held her little daughter to her naked skin.
All the problems that had got her to this point just disappeared as she gazed at her baby and met her eyes.
‘We need to get her over to the cot,’ Elias said.
‘Let me hold her a little while longer.’
‘Beth, I need to check her.’
He could hear footsteps running towards them as he peeled back the blanket and lifted the baby off Beth. The baby cried in protest at the intrusion as he took her to the warmed cot.
‘How is she?’ Beth was calling out.
Her one-minute Apgar score was a seven, which, given how premature she was, was good. Her muscle tone was low but that was to be expected with a gestational age of twenty-nine weeks.
Elias handed over to the obstetrics team and watched as they set up their own equipment.
Mandy had dashed off again.
It was becoming increasingly noisy outside the cubicle but Elias couldn’t think about what was going on out there now.
He stared down at the little baby and with every passing minute she became increasingly exhausted, unlike the vigorous baby that had been delivered.
He could see that her nostrils were now flaring, which was a sign that she was having trouble getting enough oxygen, and her limbs were flaccid.
‘Elias...’ Mandy put her head around the curtain. ‘I need you.’
‘In a moment,’ Elias said.
‘I have a two-year-old convulsing...’
He just stared at the baby.
‘Elias,’ Mandy called loudly, on her way to Resus.
He looked over at Beth, who was being comforted by Valerie. A midwife was looking after her too but for a brief moment she glanced at him.
‘Elias!’
His name was called again and an emergency bell sounded and there was nothing he could do for his baby.
Even if he told them that she was his, he would just be asked to step aside.
And so he did what, as a doctor on duty, he had to do.
‘I’ll be back...’ he said to Beth, but she wasn’t looking at him now. She was in the third stage of labour and about to deliver the placenta while looking over anxiously at the crowd of experts around her baby.
His.
He allowed himself to acknowledge it then.
The baby was his.
CHAPTER THREE
ELIAS HAD GONE.
She could hear him being urgently summoned and understood that he had no choice but to leave.
Actually, no, Beth didn’t understand anything.
It was twelve twenty-nine and less than half an hour ago she had been standing in the street, wondering what to do.
Now she was a mother and no one could tell her how her baby was.
She heard the odd word.
‘Surfactant.’
‘Struggling.’
‘Grunting.’
‘CPAP.’
‘I want her on the Unit,’ someone said.
Beth lay back, shivering under a blanket, as a midwife checked her blood pressure and listened to what was being said.
‘There are no cots. She’ll have to go to St Patrick’s.’
There were voices with no names and she felt dizzy as it dawned on her they were talking about transferring her baby.
‘You’re not taking her to another hospital.’ She shook her head. ‘No.’
‘It’s okay,’ the midwife said. ‘We’ll get you over there as soon as we can.’
‘I want to be with her.’
An IV had been inserted and Beth couldn’t even remember it going in.
‘Her blood pressure is ninety over fifty,’ the midwife called, then spoke to Beth. ‘What’s your normal blood pressure?’
She couldn’t answer.
Beth tried to explain that she’d been told at her checks that her blood pressure was on the low side but she couldn’t remember the numbers and there were little dots swimming before her eyes. Her lips had gone numb.
‘I’m just going to lay you flat,’ the midwife said, and Beth felt her head drop back. ‘Take some deep breaths.’
Again.
The only noise she could hear was the heart monitor on her baby and it sounded fast, though she wasn’t crying now and hadn’t been for a while.
Beth lay there trembling at the shock and the speed of it all.
A man who said he was a neonatologist came and told her that her baby was about to be transferred and that NICU was the best place for her now.
‘Can I go with her?’
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘We’ve got a lot of equipment and staff that will be travelling with her.’
‘I’ll not get in the way. I’ll just sit.’
He didn’t wait to explain further that she was in no fit state to sit.
‘Can I see her?’ Beth asked, but her baby was already being moved out and all she got was a tiny glimpse of red hair and the sight of tubes and machines and then she was gone.
It was very quiet in the cubicle after she left.
Mandy came in with another flask of IV fluid and it was checked with the midwife. ‘I’ve ordered an ambulance for you, Beth. It might be a while, though, they have to deal with emergencies first.’
Thankfully it was only fifteen minutes or so before she was being moved onto a stretcher.
The midwife would escort her and all that was left to do was thank Mandy, who gave her a smile.
‘I’ll ring before I leave in the morning and find out how your baby is doing. Do you have a name for her?’
‘Not yet,’ Beth said.
She’d had a couple in mind. Eloise was one, because it was close to her baby’s father’s name.