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The day after his dad’s funeral three months ago, when she’d mentioned how much she wanted to attend the Love into Action conference here in L.A., he’d wanted to shout. Not only was Mom making plans for a new life, he could give her a gift that didn’t involve him “settling down,” which was Mom-talk for saying she wanted grandkids.
The light changed and Zack inched forward in the heavy traffic. Another five minutes and he’d be sitting in the workshop she’d chosen. It had to do with the global needs of children. They’d show those heartbreaking pictures of little kids with their tearful eyes and ask for donations. He would rather write a check, skip the conference and drive Mom up to Santa Barbara for a day of fun in the sun.
Finally, Zack pulled into the Terrace Hotel drive, tossed his car keys to a parking valet and took off at a jog. What was the workshop called? Loving Children—Face to Face?
He hurried toward the right room, straightening his tan suit jacket. Mom said the color looked best with his hair, a nondescript brown cut so short it couldn’t possibly matter. He tightened his blue tie, a present from her because it matched his eyes. Would she notice he’d made the effort?
Finding the Clayton Room was easier than spotting Mom. The room was packed, and every chair seemed to be taken. There she was—second row, center—sitting beside an empty chair. She must have had faith he would get here.
He slid in beside her and said, “Sorry, I’m late.”
“But you’re not,” she said, giving him one of her sweet smiles, complete with dimples. “It’s just starting.”
From her seat near the stage, Chloe stopped praying long enough to glance around. It looked as if every chair was filled. Bile rose in her stomach.
“Hi Chloe, I’m Marilyn James, your workshop moderator.”
The lovely woman extending her hand looked familiar. Most of the moderators were Hollywood celebrities, but Chloe was too out of touch to recognize her.
“Are you ready?” the woman asked with an encouraging smile.
Chloe opened her mouth to say she was fine. When absolutely nothing came out, the moderator gave her an understanding look and took one of her hands.
“It’s only a little stage fright. Let’s pray about it, Chloe.”
Chloe closed her eyes and gripped the woman’s hand.
“Father God, You’ve given Chloe experiences that we need to hear about today. Strengthen her in every way. Help her remember that she speaks for You, and give her the assurance that You will have the right words for her to say when she needs them. In Your Son’s name, amen.”
“Amen,” Chloe echoed, feeling more like herself. How could she have let herself get so worked up when this was all about the Lord and His children?
“I’m going to introduce you now. Okay?”
“Perfect. Thank you, Marilyn.”
She headed for the dais, and Chloe told herself that all she had to do was stay calm until she made her opening remarks. Then the house lights would dim and she would be in the dark, talking about her friends on the big screen. The children were the story.
“Good morning,” Marilyn began, speaking into the mike. “Our speaker grew up right here in Beverly Hills. At the age of twenty, she’d graduated magna cum laude from UCLA and completed her course work for her Ph.D. Her travels began as research opportunities, but turned into long-term humanitarian service.
“From news reports, you’ve heard of devastating natural disasters all over the globe, but our speaker has been there, on the scene, setting up the care of children separated from their parents.”
The longer the woman spoke, the less calm Chloe felt. Her heart raced, her breath came in short, rapid spurts and she couldn’t think of anything she’d planned to say.
“This workshop will present information on short-term international service and give suggestions for long-term ways to show love close to home. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome home our speaker…Chloe Kilgannon.”
The audience applauded and Chloe stood. If she put one foot in front of the other, she could make it. Had anyone ever died of stage fright? Would she throw up first or just pass out? Would there be a doctor in the house?
Zack watched the speaker approach the podium and wondered if there could be two Chloe Kilgannons. Carmen and Cate said he’d met their sister, but he couldn’t have forgotten this attractive, poised woman. She stood at the podium, looked across her audience and smiled. Wow! What a great smile.
“She’s lovely, isn’t she?” his mother whispered.
It was on the tip of his tongue to say she was terrific, but if he didn’t check that impulse, no doubt Mom would find a way to introduce him to Chloe. He’d rather handle it on his own.
Chloe held on to the podium with both hands just in case her knees gave way. She was that nervous. Nearly every seat was taken, which was amazing considering she was a nobody. They hadn’t shown up to hear a famous speaker, so that had to mean they wanted to make a difference for the Lord. That soothed her nerves and gave her the boldness to begin.
“When God puts a passion in your heart for His children,” she said, the words coming out with surprising ease, “your life is enriched beyond measure. The last eight years of my life have been all I could have asked for, even though the living conditions were far from the luxury you and I take for granted. I’ve come to define luxury as warm water to bathe in and cool water to drink, clean air, a change of clothing, a blanket, an umbrella, a toothbrush, a picture of a loved one.
“I’ve discovered that luxury such as we know becomes a cocoon—a comfortable place that prevents us from experiencing the exhilarating joy of helping people who really need us—children who need us, children like these.”
Chloe nodded to the projectionist. The house lights dimmed and the first picture of her little friends appeared on the screen. Just as she had hoped, standing here in the dark, looking at children she loved, her nerves vanished and she wasn’t scared anymore.
Zack’s eyes adjusted to the dark, and pictures of children flashed across the screen behind Chloe. In the ambient light from the projection, her slenderness gave her a youthful appearance but she had to be in her late twenties.
“You’ll notice that most of these children are well dressed and well nourished. Their physical needs have been attended to.”
None of the photos stayed on the screen more than a few seconds, but the quantity of them made a big impact.
“Many of these children lost their homes, their family members and all that was familiar, but mixed in with their pictures are those of children who live right here in the U.S.A. They live in your neighborhoods. They may lack for nothing materially. They might even have family, yet they share a common denominator. Do you see it?”
The pictures went on and on. As a doctor, Zack had seen misery on many levels and had assumed he was beyond shock, but he’d been wrong. Looking at these children caught him off guard. From the silence in the room, he wasn’t the only one.
Kids who knew they were being photographed usually rose for the occasion and showed plenty of personality, no matter how sick or miserable they were, but not these kids.
“They look lost, don’t they?” Chloe said softly, as if she hated to speak at all. “You may have already guessed that the common denominator is the lack of love in their lives. No government can guarantee love for its youngest citizens, yet, without it, there’s no joy, no hope for a better tomorrow.”
He could see what she meant, and it got under his skin.
“The children in your life need your love,” the speaker said simply. “And the good news is that you are here. That must mean you care.”
She was giving him more credit than he deserved. He hadn’t thought about any of this before, but he should have.
“Most people feel like a monetary gift is all they can provide, and it is a significant expression of your love, but dollars alone won’t put hope back in the eyes of children. When you want to reach out in a personal way and need to know how, Love Into Action can point you to reputable agencies who never have enough volunteers. Would you pray with me about what we can do together?”
Zack reached for his mom’s hand, just as she’d taught him to do when was he was little.
“Father God,” Chloe prayed, “we ask that You show us how we are to love Your children. We want to be Your voice, Your hands, Your feet. Lord, use us…in small ways or big…in our own communities or in faraway places. Through us, Lord, let children feel love, joy and great blessing.”
Zack’s emotions seesawed from wanting to do all he could do to wishing his mother had asked for a birthday cruise. If he were being asked for money alone, he could write that fat check and let his conscience move on.
Chloe then talked about their workshop packets and invited conferees to call, write or e-mail her. There was no hard sell on her part and no overly impassioned plea for their participation, only the statement that she was there to help if they needed it.
“Let me end with this thought,” she said, looking at the final screen, a picture of a little girl holding her older brother’s hand, both of them so pitifully sad that Zack felt a sting of tears behind his eyes. “When you think of the overwhelming need…when you know it’s more than you can possibly handle…you will be right.”
She’d read his mind. He didn’t want to fail kids like these, but what could he do, outside of writing that check?
“You can do more than you think you can.” She paused as if she searched for the right words to bring her message home. “Remember that something is better than nothing. The one smile, the one look of recognition, the one kind word you give to a child may be the only one he receives today.”
Zack hated to believe that was true, but if it hadn’t been for his mom’s smiles and encouragement, he could have been just as sad as the kids on the screen. Would he have had the courage to achieve what he had?
His mom wiped tears from her cheeks.
Chloe was good. Really good. She had him wondering how he interacted with kids in his life. Did he ignore them while he talked to their parents? Did he ever kneel to meet their eyes?
And she had him wondering about her as more than a conference speaker. How could a guy help but admire a woman like her? Was she single? With all that world travel, she might be.
How was he going to meet her? He was terrible at making the first move. If his mother so much as sniffed at his interest, she’d make it for him, he’d be embarrassed, and his chance to know this cool woman would be over. It might be awkward, but he had to make that first move.
Chapter Three
T he house lights came up, and Chloe invited them to look through their packets. “There are plenty of ideas on how you can love the children in your own community. If you want the experience of serving in other countries, there’s information about short mission options and extended opportunities.”
She continued, raising her voice to accommodate the rustling sound of conferees looking through their packets. Zack watched his mother dig through hers. If she wanted to love children at one of those foreign locations Chloe had mentioned, he would gladly pay her way.
His best friend, Collin Brennan, an anesthesiologist, had mentioned a medical missionary trip. Collin’s wife was a nurse, and Zack could provide the surgical skills. Zack hadn’t paid much attention before, but it certainly was a possibility. Collin could put the kids to sleep while Zack used his scalpel to help them, but didn’t it make more sense to fly them to the U.S. where they could get first-class care?
Toward the end of question-and-answer period, his mother raised her hand. Chloe nodded, giving his mom the floor.
“Ms. Kilgannon, thank you for…”
Chloe looked at his mother, saw him and did a visible double take. She knew him. There was no doubt about that.
Was that good…or really, really bad? He nodded, which seemed like the right thing to do even if he didn’t have a clue when or where they’d met.
With a shadow of a smile, she nodded back and focused again on his mom. “Excuse me, could you repeat the question? I’m afraid I wasn’t paying attention because I just noticed the very nice man you’re sitting next to.”
Mom looked at him with shock. “Zack? You know Chloe Kilgannon?”
“A couple of weeks ago,” Chloe said, “a friend had asked me to do my act as Flower the Clown at the hospital.
“This man is a doctor who was on the pediatrics floor to check on a patient. Since he seemed like a very kind man with an excellent sense of humor, Flower— not me —took advantage of his goodwill and drew him into the act.”
The crowd responded with “ooh’s” of understanding.
Chloe looked down at Zack and saw that he’d put it together. His smile, so big and wide, made her wobble in her new high heels. “I’m telling you this because what he did that day is a perfect example of loving children, face to face. Just by playing along and helping the children forget how sick they were, he made a difference.”
She glanced back at Zack and was surprised that he looked at her with amazement. Hadn’t he realized that he’d done a good thing?
“Did he want to be the subject of Flower’s silliness? Probably not! But he left his comfort zone to do something good for the kids. Wasn’t that great?”
All over the room people nodded and some applauded.
“I hope you’ll let me know when you’ve experienced new ways of showing children they are loved. You’ll feel so good about it, and so will I. Thank you for being a great audience.”
As Chloe stepped away from the podium, the audience rose to their feet and applauded. The workshop moderator hugged Chloe, and that was it. Her first presentation was over.
People gathered around her for more questions, and she lost sight of Zack. Her disappointment was as keen as a child who’d watched her pretty balloon float away, but she had to focus on the people who wanted to talk to her.
Finally the moderator interceded and sent everyone to lunch. The crowd thinned, and there was Zack, his arms crossed and that great smile on his face. He came toward her with an outstretched hand. “Hi, Chloe. It’s nice to meet you as yourself.”
Though she’d just shaken dozens of hands, the touch of his hand sent a little shiver of excitement up her spine. “I should confess, when we met in the hospital elevator, I did know who you were. My sisters had pointed you out at Collin Brennan’s wedding.”
“You were there? I sat with your family, but—”
“I was at the children’s table, keeping them entertained as Flower.”
“You’re very good at that,” he said with awe. “Now that I know how good, I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up that Flower genuinely fell for me, should I?”
“Flower hoped you’d forget that.”
“Forget? I never forget a red-nosed woman who literally falls at my feet.”
“You know, I hurt my knee on that move.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, switching from a smile to a look of genuine concern. “Knees are my orthopedic subspecialty. Does it still bother you?”
“No, but I’ll never do that particular fall again.”
“Good!” His grin was back. “Flower shouldn’t fall for just any guy.”
She knew he was teasing, but she felt a little zing of joy. “I never know what Flower will do next,” she said, trying to explain away her silliness.
“When she works the peds floor again, have her give me a call. I’ll be her straight man any day. It isn’t much, but I have it on good authority that anything we do for kids is better than nothing at all.”
Chloe felt a smile deep in her soul. “Thanks for remembering that.”
“I think everyone did. You could have heard a pin drop. You’re a very good speaker, Chloe.”
The sincerity in his sky-blue eyes had to be real. “Thank you. This was my first presentation, and I thought I would be sick.”
“When you walked on stage, you seemed a little nervous. I even asked the Lord to help you. But then you seemed so poised I thought I must have been wrong.”
“You didn’t consider that your prayer could have helped?” she teased.
“Not even once,” he admitted with a rueful smile.
“Well, it may have, along with the prayers of my coworkers. They all knew I felt as if I were going to the gallows.”
He shook his head and grinned. “Seriously, you were terrific up there. My mother thought so, too.”
“That was your mother beside you?”
He nodded. “This really made her day, her birthday, as a matter of fact.”
“ That’s why you’re here!” Chloe said, putting it together. “I did wonder.”
“You don’t see me as guy who’s interested in loving children, face-to-face?” he quipped.
“ Everyone can love children, face-to-face,” she said, teasing back. “But I know how busy surgeons are. I can’t see my dad or my sister taking time to attend a conference like this.”
“You’re right,” he said candidly. “I’m here for Mom. My dad died recently, and Mom’s looking for a new direction for her life. I think she’s found it.”
“I hope so! I want to meet her, but I’m due in the conference dining room. Each speaker hosts a table. Perhaps you and your mother could sit with me.”
“Mom would love that! I’m supposed to meet her outside the ladies’ room. Shall we surprise her?”
Walking out of this big room with Zack Hemingway she felt so different than she’d felt walking in. She’d been scared to death, but look at her now! She had the attention of the most sought-after bachelor in Beverly Hills.
He was quite a bit taller that she was, six feet two at least. She always noticed a man’s height because she was taller than average. Zack’s clean-shaven jaw angled before squaring off a bit at the chin, and his nose was less than perfect, which she liked a lot, considering the man lived in the plastic-surgery capital of the world.
His tan suit looked as expensive as the ones her father wore and probably was, the way it fit his wide shoulders so well. Usually she preferred the rugged look of a guy in a T-shirt and jeans, but Zack in a suit and tie looked…
Though she had an IQ of 170 and a vocabulary to match, yummy was the word that came to mind.
Zack put his hand on Chloe’s elbow and stopped their progress outside the restroom. “This is where I agreed to meet Mom,” he said.
The words were barely out of his mouth when a pretty blond woman in a pink suit and low-heeled pink pumps entered the hallway. She spotted Zack right away, but when she saw Chloe, her blue eyes lit up as if it were Christmas.
“Oh, Chloe! Zack said he would introduce us, and here you are!” She embraced Chloe in a light hug.
“Chloe, this is my mother, Bonnie Hemingway, a retired high school biology teacher from East Moline, Illinois—my hometown.”
“I’m happy to meet you, Mrs. Hemingway,” Chloe said, impressed with the joy of life this woman seemed to have.
“Please, call me Bonnie. Chloe, your presentation touched my heart more than I can say.”
“I’m so glad. I’ve never been more nervous in my life.”
“It didn’t get the best of you! You’re a natural-born speaker and teacher.”
“Thank you,” Chloe said from the bottom of her heart. “You don’t know how I appreciate the encouragement.”
“I couldn’t believe it when Zack said he knew your family.”
“And even when the moderator said your name, I couldn’t believe you were Sterling’s daughter,” Zack added.
“You didn’t recognize me?” Chloe asked with feigned dismay. “After all we’ve meant to each other?”
“I know! What can I say?” He hung his head in mock shame.
“Oh, I wish I’d been there to see your clown act!” Bonnie said. “I love clowns! I even collect them.”
“She does,” Zack affirmed with his great smile. “She has all kinds. Salt and pepper shakers, figurines, you name it. Is there any possibility that Flower could make a special appearance in honor of Mom’s birthday?”
For the opportunity to spend time with this guy, it was a done deal. “Flower loves birthday parties, but she’s pretty busy today.”
“I’m here until a week from Monday,” Bonnie said.
“Name the day, Chloe. This is Mom’s week. Not only is it her birthday, it’s her first visit to California. I took vacation time, so I’m available as a chauffeur, sock-puppet carrier or anything that doesn’t involve me in a clown suit.”
“Bonnie, would you like a clown lesson from Flower?” Chloe asked.
“Oh, my! Yes!”
“You’ll have to decide on your clown name and persona so we can design your makeup and costume.”
“I’ll have my own clown personality?” Bonnie’s blue eyes sparkled at the thought.
“Well, sure. Once you’re in costume, you’re not you anymore.”
“This will give me something to think about! Chloe, this has been such a pleasure. I wonder if you could join Zack and me for lunch? It would be so special to celebrate my birthday with you.”
“As a speaker, I’m hosting a table. I thought you and Zack might join me.”
“But of course we could. That would be marvelous!”
“I should be there now.”
“Then we shouldn’t dawdle. Those tables could be filling up fast.” Bonnie turned to walk ahead.
Zack fell into step beside Chloe. “That’s my mom, leading the way.”
“She’s wonderful,” Chloe said softly before turning to catch up. She would love to have a close relationship like that with her own mother.
“Mom, I need to call the hospital. You two go ahead and grab those seats. Okay?”
Bonnie waved him on, then took Chloe’s arm and set a pace that would get them there quickly.
“Chloe, are you seeing anyone?” she asked bluntly.
“No,” Chloe answered, wondering where this was going.
“I hope you’ll forgive a mother for saying so, but I think you and Zack would make a perfect couple.”
Bonnie had said she collected clowns, but this took hobbying to a whole new level. “Your son, the doctor, and Flower the Clown?” Chloe teased.
“No, my son, the man who says he’s too busy to fall in love and have a family, and Chloe, my tender-hearted new friend who seems to know that a life without love is no life at all.”
Chapter Four
Z ack draped his arm over the back of his mother’s chair, the better to observe Chloe during the luncheon speaker’s presentation. In this environment she was a star, though no one would think it from her humble attitude. Humility wasn’t a Kilgannon trait he’d noticed before, but it seemed to be as much a part of Chloe’s personality as her sense of humor.
It took very little to make her laugh. A minute ago the speaker had made a comment that Zack thought was funny even if the others at the table didn’t. Chloe had glanced at him, seen that he had no reservations about holding back a grin and burst into a goofy little giggle. It had only lasted a second, but for him it was the high point of the luncheon.
What a shame that he hadn’t followed his instincts after he’d met her as Flower two weeks ago. He remembered thinking how good the clown was at her job—which, as it turned out, wasn’t her job at all, but something she did to show love. When she’d disappeared, he’d made a halfhearted effort to find out her real name, but he’d told himself it was so Mom could meet the clown.
The clown—that was how he’d thought of her that day, not even as Flower. Had he become so self-absorbed that individuals weren’t important to him unless they had something wrong with them that he could make better? And if he had, could he change? Did he even want to?
He liked his single life just as it was, and he’d worked very hard to get what he had. His Mercedes, the expensive clothes and his condo—they were all nice, but not what he’d aimed for. What he really wanted was the opportunity to give people a pain-free life. Lots of people, lots of surgeries, lots of time in the OR—his favorite place to be.