200 Harley Street

‘Is everything okay?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Lizzie said, as she read the brief message. ‘I’d better get on.’ She saw his concern and moved to reassure him. ‘It’s nothing to with the clinic.’

Which should reassure him, but this time it didn’t.

He shouldn’t be getting so involved, Leo told himself, but he sought her out a little while later and found her hiding in her office, trying to pretend everything was okay, though it was clear to Leo she was close to crying.

‘It’s nothing too major,’ Lizzie said when pressed. ‘They think Mum’s got a UTI.’

‘A urinary tract infection can be serious in the elderly,’ Leo said. ‘How bad is she?’

‘More confused than ever,’ Lizzie said. ‘They’ve got a nurse specialling her and they’ve started antibiotics, but if she gets worse they’re going to have to transfer her to hospital.’

‘Are you going to go and see her?’ He didn’t understand the shrill laugh that came out of her mouth. ‘Lizzie, if your mother’s not well …’

‘She’s never well,’ Lizzie said. ‘Yes, maybe I should go and see her now or do I wait till she’s worse and see her in the hospital or do I …?’ Her shoulders were shaking as he took them in his hands, glimpsing the never-ending quandary she was in. ‘I can’t drop everything all the time but the one time I don’t dash to see her I know it will be the time …’

‘Get your coat,’ Leo said.

She gave a weary nod. It was almost four. If she left now she might miss the worst of the traffic and if she left really early tomorrow she could be back in time for work …

‘What are you doing?’ Lizzie asked, as Leo came back, his jacket on, telling Gwen he was going on a house call and wouldn’t be back, and then he led her to his car. ‘I live two minutes away.’

‘I’m taking you to see your mother,’ Leo said. ‘You’re upset, I don’t want you driving.’

‘No.’ Lizzie shook her head. ‘I was going to stay the night and drive back in the morning. You wouldn’t want …’ She couldn’t imagine him at the Hewitts and she couldn’t imagine the Hewitts if she and Leo shared a bed! ‘I stay at a bed and breakfast, they’re old family friends.’

‘Why don’t we just see how she is first?’ Leo was practical. ‘If you need to stay you can make a booking; if not, we’ll come back. We can stop at home and get our things just in case …’ He pulled out into the heavy London traffic and, realising what he had just said, corrected himself. ‘Do you want to go to your place first?’

‘No.’

There wasn’t any point—everything she needed for an overnight stay was already at Leo’s.

It was a long, slow drive but they were chatting so much that a traffic jam didn’t really matter. She showed him the bed and breakfast they might be staying in that night and forewarned him about the nylon sheets and the rules of the kitchen.

‘Last booking is at seven-thirty,’ Lizzie said. ‘I always want to tell them that I’ll eat out but they take it so personally.’

‘So you eat there to please them?’ Leo grinned.

‘No,’ Lizzie corrected. ‘I eat there so as not to offend them.’

They pulled up at the nursing home and Lizzie hesitated as Leo turned off the engine and went to get out.

‘You don’t have to visit.’

‘I know.’

‘It might just …’ She didn’t know how to put it delicately. ‘Dad might have some questions.’

‘I’m a friend,’ Leo said. ‘I’m also your boss. Won’t your father be pleased to know that you didn’t have to drive yourself? Won’t it help him to know that you’ve got people who care about you?’

He did care, that much he was more than willing to admit.

‘Of course,’ Lizzie lied.

Leo simply didn’t get it. The only person he answered to was himself and his mere presence would set off a whole load of questions—not tonight but in the future.

‘Lizzie!’ Shelby, the nurse, gave her a beaming smile as Lizzie and Leo walked in, and went a little bit pink when she saw Leo. ‘Your mum’s actually picking up a bit. The antibiotics seem to be kicking in and we’ve been giving her lots to drink. I’m so sorry for scaring you …’

‘Don’t be,’ Lizzie said. ‘I’d far rather you rang and let me know what’s happening than not. Is the nurse still specialling her?’

‘No. Your dad’s in there with her. She’s a lot more settled and her temperature has started to come down.’

A little bit more gingerly than usual, Lizzie went in.

‘Lizzie!’ Her dad stood, clearly shocked at the sight of a man with his daughter, but, then, Lizzie reasoned as she made the introductions, her dad would be shocked if she’d had her hair cut—he simply loathed any change in routine.

He always had, Lizzie thought as she approached Faye.

‘Hi, Mum.’

‘Have you got my watch?’

‘I’m trying to find it,’ Lizzie answered patiently. ‘I hear you haven’t been feeling well.’

‘Who are you?’

Even the ten thousandth time hurt and Leo saw the brief flicker of pain in her eyes.

‘It’s me, Lizzie.’

‘And who are you?’ She looked at Leo. ‘Have you got my watch?’

‘I haven’t got your watch, Mrs Birch,’ Leo said. ‘I’m Leo, a friend of Lizzie’s.’ He could see the tension in her father’s face. ‘She was upset so I offered to drive her.’

‘Are you staying at the Hewitts’?’ her father snapped to Lizzie, but it was Leo who answered.

‘Lizzie was going to stay if her mother wasn’t well but I have to get back tonight.’

‘Oh,’ Thomas huffed, only slightly appeased, but then he turned to his wife when she surprised everyone.

‘Lizzie!’ Faye’s smile was wide.

‘Hi, Mum.’ Lizzie went over and kissed her again as if she’d just walked in. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Not so bad …’ She looked at Leo. ‘Who’s this?’

‘I’m Leo,’ Leo answered again. ‘I’m a friend of Lizzie’s.’

‘It’s lovely to see you with someone …’ Faye said to her daughter, and Lizzie cringed. She usually craved her mother’s rare moments of near-lucidity—the times when Faye actually recognised her daughter, and they could have an almost normal conversation, but did she have to do her reminiscing in front of Leo? ‘Better looking than that Peter,’ Faye said. ‘He was no good for Lizzie,’ she told Leo. ‘Lizzie has wanted a husband and children since the day she was born and all Peter wanted …’ Her voice trailed off as she lost her train of thought. ‘Have you seen my watch, Lizzie?’

Leo was actually fantastic with them but, then, naturally he would be, Lizzie reminded herself. He had a fantastic bedside manner. He chatted with her father about the traffic and it was a relief for Lizzie not to have to go over and over every detail of the journey down to Brighton for once. She left it to Leo and sorted her mum’s hair and encouraged a couple of drinks of lemonade into her.

‘Has she got any cranberry juice?’ Lizzie asked, because she always brought some with her but yet again it had gone missing.

‘I’ll go and get some,’ Leo offered.

‘The shop will be closed.’

‘I’ll find somewhere.’

He did. Leo was back ten minutes later.

‘The garage had some.’

Lizzie could only smile. Leo would have no idea how much cranberry juice cost, let alone care that it was double the price at the garage.

It was all these tiny things that constantly rammed home to Lizzie that their worlds were completely different.

The drive home was a slightly strained one. Leo might not know much about the cost of cranberry juice but he did know the cost of other things. The home her parents were in would cost a small fortune and, as they chatted, he soon worked out that, no, it hadn’t all been covered by the sale of their house and Lizzie was paying for a lot of things.

‘It must be a strain.’

‘It is.’ Lizzie could now admit it. ‘But growing up they gave me everything—it’s the least I can do.’

Her selflessness unnerved him. That she would give everything she had to ensure her parents’ comfort, that she would drop everything for what had turned out to be a simple UTI.

‘Well, at least you won’t have to go this weekend.’ He turned and briefly looked at her. ‘Given that you’ve already been. Which is good because I’ve got a dinner to go to on Saturday and—’

‘Today was a bonus visit,’ Lizzie interrupted, with an edge to her voice. ‘Of course I’m still going this weekend, it’s Mum’s birthday.’

‘You are allowed to have a life, Lizzie.’

‘I do have a life,’ Lizzie snapped back. ‘And this is it.’

It wasn’t a row, it was an almost row.

Both confirmed it when, for the first time, that night they didn’t make love.

Or have sex.

Or whatever Leo told himself it was.

He lay on his back as she slept beside him, going over all that her mother had said about Lizzie wanting a husband and babies.

Lizzie, Leo decided as he finally drifted off to sleep, really had terrible taste in men, because if it was a husband and babies she wanted, what on earth was she doing here with him?

Lizzie woke to the sound of Leo’s phone buzzing and listened as he took a call from Ethan.

‘I can see them when I get into work …’ Leo yawned, his hand moving to Lizzie and stroking her bottom, their almost row forgotten, his mouth working the back of her shoulder as Ethan spoke on. ‘I don’t care if it’s the end of the working day in the Solomon Islands …’ He put his hand over her mouth to stifle Lizzie’s giggle. ‘Okay,’ Leo snapped. ‘I’ll take a look now.’ He let out a long sigh as he ended the call. ‘Ethan wants me to go over some details on a patient he thinks the clinic might be able to help.’

‘Is he coming over?’

‘I’m afraid so. My brother with a cause is like a …’

‘A what?’

‘I don’t know.’ Leo yawned. ‘I haven’t had a coffee yet.’

‘I’ll get us one.’ Lizzie would far prefer he got back to kissing her, but she could use a coffee too.

‘Actually …’ Leo’s voice was rarely tentative. ‘He’ll be here soon.’

‘Getting kicked out without so much as a coffee!’ Lizzie kept her voice light but there was an edge to it she couldn’t hide as she climbed out of bed.

‘You’ve said many times that you don’t want anyone at work knowing.’

‘I know.’

She didn’t want anyone at working knowing.

What was the point?

It would be over soon. It was bad enough trying to get over a guy like Leo, without the world watching, guessing your reaction, asking how you felt.

They were in this strange arena.

Caught somewhere between a fling and a relationship.

Only relationships Leo didn’t really do, except it was starting to feel a lot like one. Lizzie was staying at his place most nights and when they decided otherwise, when Lizzie had gone out with friends and come home to her apartment, Leo had caved at one a.m. and called her and ended up coming over to hers.

And as for a fling, yes, it might feel like that way to Leo, but her heart was saying otherwise.

Stupidly Lizzie was close to tears as she took her toothbrush from his cupboard and her deodorant and, after the quickest wash, pulled her dress on.

‘Lizzie …’

He was at the bathroom door, two coffees in hand as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail and fiddled with it for something to do. She was wearing a tight black dress with a high neck. Last night she’d had a smoky grey top over it, but now he could see her bare arms and the slight shake of her hand as she pulled a couple of strands of hair out and tried to make herself look, to commuters’ eyes, as if she was going to work, rather than going home after a night not spent in her own bed.

‘I found this.’ He handed her a missing earring.

Yes, they were at the precipice and it had come far more rapidly than either had thought it might.

All or nothing and neither wanted to make that choice.

She put in her earring and then fiddled with her hair as he stood behind her in the mirror, his trousers on, his chest bare, though she did everything she could not to look. She would give anything rather than have him see her with tears in her eyes over them.

‘Have your coffee.’ He put a mug down beside the sink.

‘It’s fine,’ Lizzie said. ‘I’ll grab one on the way.’

‘Lizzie.’

Her teeth gritted but to prove she wasn’t upset she took a drink.

‘Would it be so terrible if Ethan found out?’ Leo asked.

‘I don’t think terrible is the word,’ Lizzie said. ‘More …’ she thought for a moment, ‘… awkward.’

‘I’m sure he’s not going to go shouting it to all the staff …’

Which was the whole damn point, Lizzie thought, and she turned to him. ‘Would it be so terrible if he did?’

‘No,’ Leo said carefully. ‘As you said, it might just make things a bit awkward.’

‘Why?’ Lizzie frowned. ‘Is it awkward when Abbie and Rafael are there?’

‘Of course not,’ Leo said. ‘They’re a team, they’re married …’ He closed his eyes, not sure where this row had come from, not sure he deserved the label of bad guy here. ‘I’m just thinking of you,’ Leo said. ‘You’re the head nurse and—’

‘It might not look so good that I’m shagging the boss?’

‘Lizzie.’

‘You’re right.’ Lizzie turned around. ‘It is better that I go before Ethan gets here—it would make things terribly awkward if he found out, so thanks for the coffee but, no, thanks.’ She brushed past him and sat on the sofa and pulled on her boots and then added the grey top and coat and scarf. ‘We should have done this in summer.’

‘Sorry?’

‘It’s not very easy to make a rapid exit in the middle of winter. I’ll be climbing down the fire escape at this rate,’ she said, picking up her bag.

‘I don’t know what’s going on here, Lizzie.’ As always, he got to the point. ‘I’ve said stay, I’ve said let Ethan know …’

‘I know.’ She breathed out loudly. This anger in her stomach just had to be released, she just wanted to get away from him.

‘Come over tonight,’ Leo said, and he did something he never had before. ‘I’m operating this afternoon.’ He took a key from the dresser in the hall. ‘Just …’ Those stupid tears were back as she watched him close her fingers around the metal. ‘Let yourself in.’

She wanted to argue, wanted to tell him she didn’t want his key, that it was killing her to get closer, that there was more and more she’d have to give back—the key, the suit he’d left at her flat, the cufflinks, the tie, and there were her favourite shoes under his bed. She couldn’t end it and leave them here. And there were a couple of movies she’d brought over …

‘See you.’ She almost turned her head as he went to give her a kiss but he captured her cheeks and kissed her properly, nicely, deeply, and then, before he asked her a question, he wisely held her wrists.

‘Are you getting your period?’

She almost went to lift her hand but his grip tightened and she gave a wry smile at his foresight. She was in a dangerous mood, an unpredictable mood.

‘Are you worried that I might be pregnant?’

‘No,’ Leo said. ‘I’m just trying to account for your mood.’

‘It’s not very twenty-first century to ask a woman—’

‘I don’t care.’

‘Yes, Leo,’ Lizzie duly said. ‘I have raging PMS, of course that’s what’s wrong.’ She pulled her hands away and opened the door. ‘I’ll see you at work.’ She heard the lift and guessing it could well be Ethan she headed for the stairs, but Leo halted her.

‘You’re not, are you?’

And she looked at him, a man who, no doubt, could not think of anything worse.

‘No, Leo. I’m not pregnant. Your carefree days aren’t over.’

She loathed the breath he let out and the relief in his eyes at her answer and ran down the stairs as if someone was chasing her.

Something was.

Lizzie stepped onto the street and the tears she’d been holding back tumbled out there and then. So much for dressing for the commuters. There was a mad woman sobbing as she walked, because, of all the stupid things to go and do, she was head over heels in love with him.

Real love.

A few weeks in and despite her best efforts not to she was thinking stupid things—like a life with Leo, and babies and having that heart to herself. And it was stupid, it was mad, and she’d waited this long because she wanted Mr Right.

She’d just never known Mr Right would also be Mr Completely Wrong and Never Want to be Tied Down.

It wasn’t his fault.

Leo was who he was.

She just happened to love him.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

IT WAS A bad day at the office.

Leo and Ethan were bunkered down in Leo’s office for most of the day but the tension from behind the door seemed to seep out and attach itself to everyone.

Rafael looked almost grey as he dashed back between theatre cases to check on a child who had a post-operative fever. Lizzie was trying to calm the mother down more than the baby when a grim-faced Rafael pulled her aside.

‘I asked you to tell her to take the baby over to the Lighthouse for me to examine him.’

‘I know that,’ Lizzie said, ‘but she thought I said we would see him here and then, if needed, transfer him to hospital. It was a simple miscommunication.’

Lizzie could see he was holding onto his temper—a simple miscommunication, with Rafael’s heavy operating list, was something he simply did not need. On top of that he had a wife in America and a very sick baby of his own to worry about.

‘Will you give him his first dose of antibiotic and arrange for him to be admitted?’ Rafael asked.

‘Of course,’ Lizzie said. ‘Rafael …’ She wanted to ask how things were but Leo had said not to and she saw too the warning in Rafael’s eyes for Lizzie not to go there so she changed what she was about to say. ‘I am sorry for the mix-up.’

His anger dimmed then and he gave a small nod of thanks for her about turn and gave a wry smile and Lizzie saw a glimpse of the real Rafael—gorgeous, passionate, and terribly Italian. He apologised for his non-outburst with his smile and his eyes. ‘That’s not a problem—it was a simple miscommunication.’

It was more of the same all day. Ethan left looking boot-faced and then Leo headed over to Kate’s, where he had surgery scheduled into the evening, but he did stop by her office to say goodbye.

‘I don’t know what happened this morning.’

Lizzie looked up at him.

‘I think …’ He just looked at her and she looked back at him—a man who didn’t hang around waiting for the rows to start, a man who saved work for work, not relationships.

‘Maybe it’s better not to think sometimes,’ Lizzie said.

Leo nodded.

He didn’t want to think about that morning’s row, he didn’t want to acknowledge they’d lain in his bed together but apart last night, bristling with rancour—like some miserable married couple who saved sex for birthdays and anniversaries.

It was just one night, he reasoned.

Couples rowed sometimes.

He just didn’t want to be half of that couple that rowed sometimes.

‘That function I have to attend on Saturday,’ Leo said. ‘Lexi’s pushing for a response …’

‘I told you.’ Lizzie looked up at him. ‘I’m seeing my parents this weekend.’

Leo just looked at her. ‘These things are bad enough at the best of times,’ he attempted, ‘without having to go alone.’ He was trying to keep his voice even, what the hell was the point of having a plus one if she couldn’t even attend? What the hell was the point in committing to a relationship if she was never around?

And Lizzie looked at him. Why should she drop her visit to her parents for a man who was going to drop her any time soon?

It was unsustainable.

The both knew it.

‘Come over tonight,’ Leo said, but she shook her head. ‘Come over,’ Leo repeated. ‘You know that we need to talk.’

‘Talk, then.’

‘We can’t here.’

She blew out a breath and nodded. They had to work together after all so they had to end it, and neatly.

Nicely.

Lizzie did consider just heading home, maybe they should write today off as a bad one, yet she knew it was more than that.

Cracks were appearing and Leo wasn’t one for papering over them, whereas she had the sudden image of her rushing around with a trowel in a frantic attempt to repair them before everything was broken.

It had to be over, Lizzie knew that.

How, though?

How did you end something so wonderful just because you knew it couldn’t last?

Wait till it’s horrible, wait till the rows start?

They were almost there.

Lizzie took the lift up to his flat and as she stepped out she blinked as she saw a huge bunch of roses and chocolates there and was reminded just how very nice Leo could be—that in the middle of a very long day he had taken the time to think of her.

Of them.

Lizzie wasn’t really one for red roses but she read the card.

‘Seeing as you can’t make it for Valentine’s I thought we could have our own tonight. Lx’

They couldn’t make it.

Both of them knew.

Oh, God.

They were over, and both knew it.

Tonight was their goodbye, their Valentine’s. Before they took to fighting, before things turned bitter, they would end it nicely.

She wasn’t overthinking things—in the little time they’d been together they had come to know each other well.

Too well perhaps, Leo thought as he finished operating and headed to the changing rooms.

Rafael was there, getting changed to head over to the Lighthouse, he told Leo.

‘How are Abbie and Ella?’ Leo asked, but Rafael was in no mood to talk. He just gave some vague answer and then said he was in a rush.

Leo wished Rafael would speak with him but really he couldn’t blame him for not doing so. After all, the last thing Leo wanted to do was discuss his feelings for Lizzie with anyone.

Maybe Ethan?

Yeah, that would go down well.

He and Lizzie were too close for comfort, Leo thought as he drove home.

The traffic was bad, he’d have been quicker walking or at least taking the Tube, but he was actually glad of the pause before he got home to Lizzie.

Home to Lizzie.

He was growing far too used to that and Leo wasn’t used to relying on anyone.

How, in just a few weeks, had she come to be such a part of his life? Leo didn’t like it, loathed the thought that he might ever need another person.

As he pulled up his phone rang and, seeing it was Lexi, Leo took the call.

‘I need a response for Saturday,’ Lexi said. ‘I’ve been putting it off.’

So had Leo.

‘Yes, I’ll be attending.’

‘Who’s your guest?’ Lexi asked. ‘They need it for the table plan.’

He sat and stared out of the window. The wipers were still going and he watched the light bouncing off the black roads and he paused for a long moment before answering.

‘I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you know in the morning.’

Lexi didn’t turn a hair. It was a regular response from Leo. He always left things like this till the last minute—his low attention span with women ensured that names could not be given weeks in advance.

He’d asked Lizzie, but she’d said no.

You could always go alone, a voice that sounded like his own told him.

‘Why?’ Leo said to the silence. ‘Why should I?’

Because that’s what relationships are about, that small voice told him.

Compromise.

It wasn’t something he did well.

As the door opened Lizzie’s back was towards him. He saw her putting roses in the vase, he could see her slender arms and the curve of her bottom in the fitted skirt, and he just wanted to go over, turn her around and just bury himself in her, yet he held back.

‘They’re for you.’

‘I know,’ Lizzie said, ‘but for all the time I’m at home …’ She halted, saw the brief look in his eyes and simply didn’t want go there just yet. Neither did Leo. ‘Let’s just enjoy them tonight.’

She walked towards him, smiling, and he pulled her into his arms, inhaled the fragrance of her hair, held the woman he had come home to and hated it that he wasn’t capable of making their relationship last but he just did not believe in forever.