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Kathleen raised her cup aloft. “A lot of caffeine.”
“Fresh air and hard work will correct that.”
Kathleen nodded. But this work would be easy compared to sixteen- and twenty-four-hour shifts on her feet with only the occasional power nap.
“Mum, could you show me how to put my hair up right? I’m afraid I’ve lost my touch, being away so long.” Many days, she’d used a plastic claw clip or had her hair looped through a scrunchie under her kapp. Things real Amish women would never do, but she’d usually been too pressed for time. Necessity forced her to find shortcuts. But her hair had always been up and covered. She would not be able to take such measures now.
“Of course. But it’ll need to wait until after breakfast.”
“I don’t want Ruby or Jessica to know.”
Mum nodded. “With your kapp on, it’s fine for now.”
“Danki.”
After breakfast, Dat and the boys left to do their work, and Mum sent Ruby and Jessica out to the garden. Mum grabbed a chair from the table and guided Kathleen to the bathroom. Kathleen sat, facing the mirror.
Mum removed Kathleen’s kapp and studied her hair. “You’ve done pretty well. I’ll show you how to make it neater.” She pulled the hairpins out. Then, with a spray bottle of water and expert fingers, she twisted the front hair to keep the short hairs under control and wound the rest on the back of Kathleen’s head.
Kathleen studied each of Mum’s actions so she could get it right on her own tomorrow. Whoever heard of a grown woman needing her mutter to put up her hair?
Mum replaced Kathleen’s kapp and patted her shoulders while gazing at her in the mirror. “There you go.”
“Do I look like a proper Amish woman now?” Would Noah approve? Why had she thought of him?
Mum smiled. “Very proper. One more thing—and you’re going to like this—buttons!” She pointed to the buttons down the back of her own dress. “A couple of years after you left, they were approved as part of the Ordnung.”
Kathleen had noticed them but hesitated to say anything. She feared it was one of those things that wasn’t quite approved but people did it anyway and others overlooked the infraction. The numerous pins holding her own dress in place poked her sometimes. The one on her left side at her waist was particularly bothersome this morning. She mustn’t have gotten it tucked in just right.
“Only white or black buttons. And they must be plain and five-eighths of an inch—no bigger, no smaller.”
A long-overdue change. A few women had even started using them before Kathleen left. She didn’t understand why such a specific size. Would half of an inch or three-quarters of an inch be a sin?
She chided herself. There went those stray Englisher thoughts again. The wrong size buttons would be a sin only because as a church member, one promised to abide by the Ordnung. To go against that promise would be disobedience. And disobedience was sin. She needed to get her thinking straight if she was ever going to have a chance at convincing the leadership to allow her to practice medicine in their community. And then there was Noah. For some reason, his opinion of her mattered almost as much as her family’s. Strange.
Think like the Amish. Think like the Amish.
Kathleen pushed thoughts of their handsome neighbor aside.
Mum grabbed a produce basket from beside the door. “Let’s go help Ruby and Jessica.”
“I was going to stake out my clinic. Dat’s put what I need on the porch.”
Mum tilted her head. “Can’t that wait? Your sisters will want to spend time with you. Get to know you.”
Kathleen wanted to get reacquainted with her sisters as well. How much could she really accomplish before she got approval? Not much. Now she was glad church was only a few days off and headed out to the garden with Mum. Young plants rose healthily from the dirt.
Ruby worked the row to one side of Kathleen. “Tell me about going to university.”
Again with this question. Hadn’t her answer last night been sufficient? Kathleen could feel Mum’s gaze on her back. “It was very hard work. I never felt as though I was doing things right.” Her parents couldn’t have issue with that. The truth, yet not encouraging.
Giggling came from down the row Jessica was in.
“What’s so funny?” Mum asked.
Jessica shook her head.
Kathleen went on. “The professors had particular ways they wanted assignments completed. Other students didn’t like it if you got a higher grade than them. Most everyone didn’t think I belonged.” Most of the time she hadn’t felt as though she belonged either. In truth, she hadn’t belonged. This was where she belonged, and yet, she felt out of place here as well.
Jessica giggled again.
Mum straightened. “You can’t keep all the fun to yourself.”
Jessica bit her lip before she spoke. “She has an accent.”
Kathleen straightened now. “In Deutsch?” She knew she did in English.
Her youngest sister nodded.
She turned to Ruby and Mum. Both nodded. Then Mum said, “It doesn’t matter.”
But it did. It would make her stand out. She didn’t need more things to give the church leaders reason to question her Amish integrity. Straightening, she determined to eliminate her accent. She’d thought she could easily slip back into this life without effort. Evidently not. Fourteen years was a long time to be absent. What else of her Amish life had been whittled away? Had Noah Lambright noticed her accent? Noticed she wasn’t completely Amish anymore? Would everyone? She would work extra hard to make sure she once again looked, sounded and acted Amish. And thought like an Amish.
* * *
At midmorning, Noah rode into the Yoders’ yard. He wasn’t sure why he’d come. He’d just sort of ended up there.
A woman stood in the side yard pounding a stick into the grass with a hammer.
A smile pulled at his mouth.
Kathleen.
She hadn’t been a figment of his imagination. He jumped to the ground and tethered his horse. He stood there and watched her.
After tying a string to the top of the stick, she marched with measured steps.
What was she doing?
She pounded another stick into the ground, tied the string around that one, and strode toward a fourth stick already in the ground. Her enclosure was neither a true square nor a rectangle.
He walked over to her. “What are you doing?”
Looking up, she gifted him with a smile. “Hallo.” She spread her hands out. “This is my clinic.”
“You’re building it? Yourself?”
“Ja.”
“With those string lines?”
“Ja.”
How could he tell her she had no clue what she was doing without hurting her feelings? “And what if you don’t get permission from the church leaders?”
“Who says I haven’t?”
He folded his arms across his chest. “Have you?”
She hesitated, wiggling her lips back and forth. “Ne. But I will. So I want to be prepared.”
She had no idea how unprepared she was.
“Have you ever constructed a building before?”
“I went to many barn raisings when I was young. And I earned a medical degree. I don’t think putting up a few walls will be that hard. Just nail some boards together. I don’t need anything fancy.”
Construction was so much harder than she realized. Not so much “hard” as there was a lot more that went into putting up a building than just nailing some boards together. He pointed with both index fingers. “Your far wall is wider than this one by at least a foot.” He indicated the closest string. Probably more, but he was being generous.
She turned and studied the lines. “A foot? That won’t really matter once I lay the boards down, will it?”
It would matter. A building needed right angles and straight lines to be sturdy. “You may be able to take out a person’s appendix, but you should leave construction to others.”
Her blue eyes brightened. “Are you offering to help me?”
“Let’s wait and see if you get approval.”
“I’ll get approved.”
He liked her self-assurance. “You’re sure?”
She took a deep breath and released it. “One minute, I’m confident they will approve. Or why else would Gott have sent me away for so long to become a doctor if not for this?” Her self-assurance held a hint of doubt.
“But?”
Her shoulders drooped slightly. “The next minute, I feel all is hopeless. That I wasted the last fourteen years of my life. Years I could have spent here, with my family.”
Her conflict was a valid one. The elders might not give her approval, then the fourteen years would have been for naught. What would she do then? Leave? That thought rankled him. “If Gott did send you away for all that time to become a doctor, then pray for Him to make it happen.”
“And if it doesn’t? What do I do then?”
“Don’t make plans for what may not happen. That invites trouble.”
“You’re right. I should focus on what I have control of. And that’s the building for my clinic.”
She had less control over that than she imagined.
“Will you help me get my walls straightened out?”
He wasn’t sure there was much point but gladly helped her.
* * *
After lunch, Kathleen stood at the table rolling out piecrust, her thoughts on Noah and how he’d helped her stake out her clinic. She sensed he believed it might be a waste of time in the end, but that made his lending a hand all that much more sweet. He’d shaved off his beard and looked even more handsome. And available.
Nonsense. She had to stop thinking that way.
The crunch of buggy wheels alerted her that someone had entered the yard. “Mum, you have company.”
Mum peered out the kitchen window. “Ne, you have company.”
“Me?” Who would be visiting her? Noah again? Her heart danced at the thought, but it wasn’t likely the visitor was him. So who could it be? No one else knew she was back. She covered the partially rolled crust with a damp towel, then tucked the other half of the dough under the corner of the cloth as well to keep them from drying out.
She followed Mum through the kitchen doorway outside with Ruby and Jessica tagging along. Her breath caught at the sight of her older sister, Gloria, pulling to a stop.
Mum approached the side where a smiling girl, about ten, sat with a one-year-old on her lap. The baby stretched out his arms, and Mum scooped him up. Between the girl and Gloria sat a boy of about four. The girl scooted out and helped the boy down.
Gloria sprang from the buggy and wrapped Kathleen in her arms. “You’re home. At long last, you’re home.” She pulled back to look at her. “You’ve grown up. I still pictured you as the girl who left. But you’ve come back a woman.” She hugged Kathleen again. “How are you?”
Her older sister was a welcome sight. Even though her family hadn’t been allowed to write to her, they all seemed happy to have her home. Kathleen smiled. “I’m gut. And you?”
“Wonderful.” Gloria turned to her children and pointed to the baby. “This is Luke. He’s one. Mark is four. Andrew’s with his vater. He’s six.” She paused at the girl. “My oldest is ten. I named her after our sister... Nancy.”
Kathleen stared at the girl who looked a lot like their sister. Nancy would have been twenty-six, but she’d had an allergic reaction to a bee sting when she was eight. By the time Dat had raced into town at ten miles an hour, she’d succumbed to anaphylactic shock.
That was the day Kathleen became determined to be a doctor. Nancy had died needlessly because there was no medical care close at hand.
Kathleen turned to little Nancy. “You look so much like her. I’m pleased to meet you.”
The girl stared up at Kathleen. “Danki. Mutter and Grossmutter say that too.”
Mum waved her hand at Nancy and Mark. “There are cookies in the kitchen.”
The pair ran into the house with Ruby and Jessica following.
Kathleen turned to Gloria. “Is your Nancy allergic?”
Gloria hooked her arm through Kathleen’s. “Fortunately, she’s never been stung, but Andrew and Mark have. I’ve feared for her. But now that you’re back, I won’t worry so much.”
Her sister and the children stayed for a few hours, then left midafternoon to get home in time to prepare supper. She would see them all in two days for the whole community church services.
After Gloria left, Mum brushed her hands down her apron and sighed. “Time to get started on our supper.”
Kathleen stood from where she’d been sitting on the porch, sewing buttons onto the men’s shirts for her mum. “What can I do to help?”
“You stay put,” Mum said. “We have it all in hand.” The three went inside, leaving her alone.
She eased back into the rocking chair. She wasn’t needed. She’d been gone too long. She didn’t fit into the daily routine of the household. Should she go inside and insist on helping? Ne. For today, she would enjoy this little bit of solitude. And once she had her clinic up and running, she wouldn’t be available as much to help. So it might be best if they didn’t get used to her helping in the kitchen.
Movement by the barn caught her attention.
A tricolor Australian shepherd sniffed around an old stump. It wasn’t just any dog, but Kaleidoscope. She looked around for Noah but didn’t see him. A smidge of disappointment pinched at her. “Kaleidoscope! Here, girl!” The dog charged toward her. “You’re supposed to be at home.”
The Australian shepherd rolled onto her back, curving head to tail, this way then that. Her tail thumping, kicking up dust.
Kathleen crouched and scratched the dog’s belly. She stood and ordered the dog to do the same.
Kaleidoscope flipped to her feet and wagged her tail, causing her whole body to wiggle.
“Come on.” Kathleen patted her thigh as she walked around the house to the kitchen door and spoke through the storm door. “Noah Lambright’s dog is here again. Do you have a rope so I can walk her back home?”
Mum stood on the other side of the screen. Shaking her head, she reached beside the door and produced a rope. “This is what we usually use to return her. Kaleidoscope, one of these days, we’re going to keep you.” She opened the storm door and handed Kathleen the rope. “Wait a minute.”
Mum disappeared from view, and Kathleen tied the rope around the collar. When Mum opened the door, the Aussie raised up on her haunches to receive the tidbit and licked Mum’s hand clean.
No wonder the dog kept coming back. She knew where to get treats.
Kathleen started to tell her mutter to stop feeding the dog, but a little Amish voice inside her said that was the way they did things here. “I’ll be back soon.”
Mum called after her. “Invite Noah for supper. With no one to cook for him, I fear he doesn’t eat well.”
Noah coming for supper? That sent her insides dancing. “He won’t be there, hence the reason for his dog being here.”
“There’s a key under the rock to the left of the back porch. Write a note and leave it on his table.”
Enter someone else’s home when they weren’t there? The English certainly wouldn’t do that. She had much to get used to and relearn.
“All right.” Kathleen walked up the driveway with Kaleidoscope happily trotting beside her. She’d seen which way Noah’d left the night before and headed that direction. He’d said his farm was next to her parents’. She found herself smiling at the thought of seeing him again. How silly. She wasn’t looking for a husband as most single Amish women were. She couldn’t afford to. Not if she was going to succeed at becoming a doctor here.
It didn’t take long to get there. His house and that of her parents were both on the sides of their respective properties closest to the other. No wonder Kaleidoscope wandered over so easily. She probably thought their property was part of hers as well.
The house was a typical large home ready for a big family, with an even larger barn as well as a dawdy haus for his parents. Did he have one or both of them living in the smaller dwelling? Not likely. Mum had said he had no one to cook for him, and he hadn’t worried about informing anyone last night when he stayed to supper at their house.
She wished her parents had a dawdy haus, then she wouldn’t have to build a clinic, but then it might be occupied with her grosseltern, which would be nice. Both sets of grosseltern lived on her parents’ older siblings’ properties.
A sleek black shepherd and a small corgi trotted up to her and her detainee, all tails swinging at a different tempo. She petted them each in turn.
If Kathleen had any doubts that this was the right place, they were brushed away with the wagging tails. She untied the rope, feeling it safe to free Kaleidoscope to run with her pals, and walked to the barn. “Noah?”
When she got no answer, she crossed the yard to the big house and knocked on the front door. Still no answer, so she headed around to the back and found the key. She turned it over in her hand. It didn’t feel right to walk into someone else’s home uninvited. She didn’t know Noah well enough. This would be an invasion of his privacy. So she replaced the key and sat in a rocking chair on the front porch, hoping he would return soon.
Some time later, she heard her name being called.
“Kathleen?”
“One more minute.” She needed just one more minute of sleep before her shift.
“Kathleen?”
That couldn’t be a nurse or orderly. They wouldn’t call her by her first name. Where was she? She forced her eyes open and focused on the tall, handsome man standing over her. Not medical personnel. Noah! She smiled, then jerked fully awake. “I’m so sorry. I must have dozed off for a minute.” She’d learned to sleep anywhere, and her body knew to catch sleep whenever it could.
“Don’t worry.” He chuckled. “You weren’t snoring.”
As she pushed to her feet, the rope on her lap slipped to the porch floor. “I didn’t sleep much last night.” She was used to taking five- and ten-minute naps throughout the day. No more. She would need to teach herself to sleep at night again and stay awake during the day.
He picked up the makeshift leash and offered it to her. “I must say, the last thing I expected to find when I came home was a pretty lady sleeping on my porch.”
She took the rope. “You’re not going to let me forget this, are you?”
“Probably not.”
His smile did funny things to her stomach. And he’d called her pretty. That didn’t matter. She had no room in her life for men. One man in particular. She couldn’t have a husband and still be a doctor. She’d made that sacrifice years ago. But still, her heart longed.
She held the lead out and teased him back. “Then maybe next time, we’ll keep your dog.”
“Kaleidoscope?” He shook his head. “I closed her up in the barn. How did she get out? Danki for bringing her back. And because you did, I promise not to mention your afternoon nap.”
“Danki. I’d appreciate that.” Then she remembered her reason for staying. “Mum has invited you to supper. Shall I tell her you’re coming? Or not?”
“I never pass up an invitation from your mutter. Let me hook up the trap, and we can head over.”
“What time is it?”
“Nearly supper time. I’ll be right back.” He jogged to the barn.
How long had she slept? Longer than she’d thought, apparently. She hadn’t realized the number of things she’d have to get used to again. No chance of slipping back into her Amish life as though she’d never been gone.
Noah returned shortly, leading a horse and the two-wheeled trap he had been driving yesterday. “Kaleidoscope dug her way out. I’ll need to figure some other way to contain her. Hopefully, she’ll stay put in that stall. I gave her plenty of food and water.”
Kathleen climbed into the vehicle. He settled in beside her, along with the aromas of wood and honey, and put the trap into motion.
“May I ask you a question? Do you hear an accent when I talk?”
He nodded. “It’s slight but comes out on certain words. Nothing to worry about.”
“But it is. If the church leaders think I’ve become too English, they might not accept me back.”
“How you talk isn’t going to get you thrown out or shunned.”
“I need them to accept me as the community’s doctor. I can’t have anything they can use against me. I went through a lot of trouble to gain special permission to be able to wear my plain dresses and kapp instead of scrubs while working in the hospitals.”
“You did?” He sounded surprised.
“Though I haven’t joined church, I am Amish.”
He didn’t respond. What did his silence mean? Would everyone meet her declaration of being a doctor for their district and being Amish with silence? She wanted him to approve.
After a moment, he said, “May I ask you a question now?”
She smiled.
“Why are you so determined to be a doctor? As you said, you went to a lot of trouble and time away for something that isn’t likely to be sanctioned, regardless how you speak.”
“I didn’t want to leave,” she replied. “Gott called me to be a doctor. A doctor for our community.” She should tell him about Nancy. It would give her practice for speaking to the church leaders.
“My sister was stung by a bee when she was eight. She went into anaphylactic shock. Because medical treatment was too far away, she died before my dat could get her to the help she needed. With a simple injection, she would have lived. A simple injection almost anyone could administer.”
She hadn’t spoken aloud about Nancy in years. Every other time she’d told someone, her eyes flooded with tears and the words lodged in her throat. Not this time. All of her medical training had wrung those emotions out of her. She couldn’t help people if she became overwrought.
“I’m sorry about your sister.” The sincerity in his tone touched her heart.
“Danki. I made a commitment to do all I could to help prevent future senseless deaths.”
“I commend you for your determination. So what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“What’s your next step? Other than planning to build a clinic with your own two hands.”
“You don’t think I can do it?”
“I think your medical degree didn’t include a course in construction.”
“Ne, it didn’t. But I think I can manage.”
He harrumphed.
“You don’t think I’m capable?”
“I think your time would be better spent on other endeavors.”
Other endeavors? Like getting married and keeping house and having babies? A longing tugged at her heart. All things she wanted but couldn’t have. “I’m going to petition the leadership to give me a trial period. Like they do for testing out the use of new technology in the community. If they can see the benefits for everyone, and people get used to not having to drive all the way into town, then my being the community doctor will be accepted. Then I’ll build my clinic that people can come to.” She knew in reality that no one would—even if they wanted to—without the leadership’s consent. “Until that time, I have my backpack of medical supplies. I’ll take it with me wherever I go and help whomever will allow me to.”
“Sounds like you have it all figured out.”
But she didn’t have it all figured out. She still needed to build her clinic. Something she had no clue how to do. Hopefully when she got approval, Dat and her brothers would help her. “I’ve thought about this for over fourteen years. This isn’t some fly-by-night thing.”
“I can see that.”
“I gave up a lot, all those years with our people and more, to learn the skills to help them. I’m going to help our people, whether they like it or not.” Then they would see how much they needed her—a doctor in their community—and she would be accepted.
“What about the bishop and church leadership?”
“I’ll make them see this is for the gut of the community.”
“And what if you can’t?”
“As you said, don’t make plans for what might not happen. I can do this. I know I can. And I’m believing that they are all smart men who will be able to do what is gut for everyone.” Saying she could convince them and having the actual words that would sway them were two different things. She would go over her arguments for having a clinic and come up with counters for their arguments against. “You probably think all my efforts are going to be wasted, don’t you?”