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She fell silent as the little girl rested against her chest as if she’d settled in Maggie’s lap for the duration. In fact, if she didn’t know better, she’d suspect this baby was doing her part to convince her to take on this new role.
“Would you really give up Breanna in spite of your promise to Dee if I don’t help you?” she asked.
“In a heartbeat,” he stated with clear conviction. “I know my limitations and I can’t do this by myself. Better for her to go to a loving couple now rather than later.”
The little girl fit in Maggie’s arms as if she belonged there. Holding her was bittersweet. “This is blackmail.”
“It’s common sense,” he corrected. “And I’m desperate, Maggie. If you don’t agree…”
His pleading expression and helpless shrug tugged on her sympathies. As competent as he was as a paramedic, caring for a baby was clearly out of his comfort zone.
“How about this? If you’ll hold my hand until the paternity test results are released, we’ll re-evaluate the situation then.”
“In other words, you’re giving us both a way out.”
“We’ll re-evaluate,” he repeated. “We both want what’s best for Breanna, whatever that might be.”
While that was true, his lack of commitment concerned her. Because of it, could she handle helping him with the baby in the meantime? She frowned, remembering her experiences with Tyler and Zach—how she’d helped with their bedtime rituals, fixed their breakfasts, received the handpicked bouquet of dandelions when they’d played outside.
Even after all this time, the loss hurt.
As she glanced at Joe, the hope in his eyes tipped the scales in his favor. He was her partner and he needed her. She’d also promised her chief to do what she could to mend their differences. If word got around that she refused to help Joe when it was in her power to do so, she’d suffer the consequences.
She didn’t have a choice, she thought with resignation. Because she didn’t, she would treat this situation with the same emotional detachment she used in her job. Her weakness for babies would be a drawback, but this time she wasn’t expecting a happily-ever-after. Her eyes were wide open and no matter how events transpired, she wouldn’t allow herself to forget that she was simply a stopgap measure, a temporary solution.
As long as she remembered that, it would be easy to guard her heart.
“OK,” she said reluctantly. “I’ll help until you have your answers from the lab. Then you’ll have to sink or swim on your own.”
“Fair enough.”
But later, as they rearranged Joe’s spare bedroom to accommodate the baby furniture he had yet to retrieve from Dee’s apartment, she wondered if she hadn’t made a deal with the devil.
It was absolutely amazing to see the difference Maggie’s presence had made in just a few hours. Breanna had stopped her constant crying and had even giggled a few times when Maggie had played peek-a-boo. Joe had been able to take a long, relaxing shower instead of barely giving himself time to get wet, because Maggie had kept the little girl occupied. By the time he’d finished, Maggie had also washed his dishes and tidied the main living areas so his home looked neat and clean, rather than the disaster area it had become.
If he’d thought she wouldn’t take offense and run off in a huff, he would have kissed her.
“How did you do it?” he asked as he surveyed the rooms.
She looked puzzled. “How did I do what?”
“Do your chores and keep Breanna happy at the same time?”
She laughed at his amazement. “It wasn’t hard—you just go about your business. Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it.”
“Somehow I doubt it.”
“You will,” she promised.
“So what did you do to Breanna to keep her happy?”
“Nothing,” she said.
“Nothing?”
“Not a thing,” she said. “I suspect she was simply reacting to your negative energy. Your nervousness and anxiety made her nervous and anxious and the only way she could express her emotions was by crying. As you can see, she’s fine.”
And she was. Breanna sat on the floor, cheerfully banging a wooden spoon on a plastic bowl and babbling.
“Wow. I’m amazed. Awed. And thoroughly intimidated.”
Her laugh did funny things to his chest and he wanted to hear the sound again and again. “In a few days,” she assured him, “you’ll be an old pro.”
He was skeptical. “If you say so.”
“Anyway, I took the liberty of going through Breanna’s things and made a list of what she’ll need. You might want to pick up these things today, unless you have a stash of disposable diapers and formula that I didn’t find.”
“No stash.” Joe took the list Maggie had made and read the items recorded in her handwriting. Man, he was in trouble if he thought her handwriting was sexy! Maybe it was time he started living up to his reputation, but surprisingly enough the handful—not hordes—of women he’d spent time with recently faded into insignificance when he compared them to Maggie.
“In that case, I’ve done all I can. I’ll just get out of your hair…”
The thought of her leaving him to handle the baby on his own was scarier than a rescue on a construction scaffold. He caught her arm, conscious of her soft skin. “No, wait.”
She paused. “Did you need something else?”
Hell, yes, he needed something else! He needed Maggie to stay with him, to be his safety net. Knowing that he wasn’t Breanna’s sole caretaker had done wonders for his peace of mind. The sensation of drowning because he was in over his head had eased and he wasn’t eager for that suffocating feeling to return. It would, just as soon as she walked out the door.
“I’d hoped you could spend the day with us,” he admitted. “Between your list and my plan to pick up Breanna’s furniture at her mother’s apartment, an extra pair of hands would be nice.” He flashed her his most pleading expression, hoping she couldn’t resist.
“I haven’t gone home since I left work,” she pointed out. “I’m still wearing my blues, for pete’s sake. I’d really like to change into something else.”
He ran his gaze over her, noticing as he had on days past how well she filled out the unisex department-issue clothing. The good thing about the blue uniform was that it only hinted at what it hid while street clothing usually did not. As she’d mentioned it, though, he wouldn’t mind seeing her in an outfit that she had chosen. Jeans, a skirt, a form-fitting T-shirt that clung to her curves all came to mind…Suddenly, giving her time to change clothes seemed like a wonderful idea.
“Not a problem. We’ll follow you home and then leave from your place.” He sounded overeager, even to his own ears. “Unless you have plans? Then we can come over later.”
“No specific plans,” she said slowly. “At least, nothing that can’t wait a few hours.”
Relief filled him as he grabbed her hand with both of his and squeezed. “Thanks, Maggie. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re…you’re welcome.”
She sounded breathless, as if she wasn’t quite sure of what to make of his impulsive yet enthusiastic gesture.
He wasn’t certain either, but the sensation of her palm against his and the strength in her fingers that belied the fine bone structure coalesced into a desire to pull her into his arms and hold her tightly against him.
However, patience and restraint were lessons he’d learned and things he practiced since he’d been a child. To ignore those lessons was asking for trouble, but he was also a strong believer in taking an opportunity as it presented itself.
Reluctantly, he released her hand. “Shall we go?”
Ten minutes later, he and Breanna walked into Maggie’s house and he was instantly struck by how perfectly suited Maggie was for the task facing him. Her home was cozy and welcoming, with its framed pencil sketches and watercolors on the walls, the large throw pillows and fuzzy afghans hanging from an oak quilt rack. The house was neat and tidy, but it was obvious that everything inside had been selected for comfort rather than style. It was a house in which a person could kick back and relax, a house with a peaceful, contented atmosphere.
In less time than he expected, Maggie returned from her bedroom to rejoin him in the living room. She looked different, almost unrecognizable, and his inner peace shifted to purely masculine interest.
Her uniform had always told him that she was just “one of the guys”. However, as she stood before him in street clothes, he saw her in an entirely new light.
Her faded and soft-from-numerous-washings denim jeans hugged her slim hips and long legs. The lime green V-neck T-shirt clung to her torso and revealed a modest amount of cleavage. A pair of sandals showed off red-painted nails and a silver ring on her second toe.
To think all this had been hiding under the regulation light blue shirt and utilitarian navy blue pants! Oh, the unisex cut of the clothing hadn’t completely disguised what lay underneath; her feminine shape had filled the fabric in ways that the rest of the crew couldn’t, but he’d had no idea just how mouth-watering her form really was.
Or maybe it was simply a case of knowing she was beyond his reach, so he’d never let himself imagine…but now, uniform or not, he’d never look at her the same way again.
Chapter Three
THEY passed the drive to Dee’s house in silence. Maggie knew Joe wasn’t the talkative sort, so she didn’t find his lack of conversation unusual. He maintained his usual calm, stoic expression as if he didn’t consider this more important than any other errand, but as she studied him unobtrusively—he couldn’t be that unmoved by their tasks or the reason behind them, could he?—she soon found several chinks in his armor.
His mouth had a pinched quality and his eyes, when he accidentally met her gaze, appeared positively haunted. His shoulders seemed permanently squared, as if he needed a military posture to maintain his composure. Strangely enough, knowing that he wasn’t as unaffected as he appeared only made her more sympathetic toward him.
Fortunately, Dee’s neighbor and Breanna’s old babysitter, Hannah Lightner, was at home, so she looked after the toddler while Maggie and Joe let themselves into Dee’s apartment.
The place was eerily quiet, as if it were mourning its missing occupant. Stop being fanciful, she scolded herself. It’s only four walls.
But, walls or not, the spirit of Dee seemed to hover overhead, especially when Maggie entered the bedroom and saw a pile of green silk—a nightgown—lying on the bed. Joe must have sensed it too because for the first time since they’d arrived, he looked uneasy. Then again, perhaps coming here only emphasized the new set of responsibilities that had landed on his shoulders without warning or preparation.
Feeling as if she was intruding on his private moment, Maggie headed to the baby’s bedroom. Joe followed on her heels, as if he didn’t want to be left alone with his memories.
“What should we load first?” she asked, determined to be as upbeat as possible in the face of his somber mood.
“The crib, I’d guess. I’ll get my toolbox from the truck while you pack Breanna’s clothes.”
Within an hour, everything from the crib to the changing table to a stroller and clothing were stacked in the back of Joe’s truck. “We’ll pack up Dee’s things later,” he said as they secured the furniture for travel. “We have a few weeks before the rent is due, so that’ll give us time to figure out what to do with her stuff.”
“That didn’t take long,” Hannah declared as they reappeared on her doorstep.
“We only took the baby’s things,” Joe told her. “We’ll take care of the rest another day. How’s she been?”
“Oh, fine,” Hannah said. “She’s always been such a good baby. I’ve never had any trouble with her at all.”
Joe nodded, but his mouth was pressed into a hard line. Obviously Hannah’s well-meant remarks only emphasized Joe’s feelings of inadequacy. Maggie would have to find ways to build his confidence and increase his comfort level with the little girl, although doing so in the space of a few hours seemed a monumental task.
“I’m just glad I was home today and could help,” Hannah continued, blithely unaware of Joe’s set jaw. “I’m going to miss her. I’ll miss them both.”
Sensing Joe’s tension, Maggie stepped in. “As will a lot of people,” she said. “But we thank you for your time and now we’ll get out of your way so you can enjoy the rest of your day off.”
“Of course.” Hannah led them inside.
Maggie was prepared to see Breanna sitting on the floor, playing with a stack of plastic building blocks, but she hadn’t prepared herself for what came next.
“Mama?” the little girl asked Maggie.
Oh, dear. The one word, uttered with just the right amount of hope and uncertainty, nearly undid her. She wanted nothing more than to escape, to leave this temporary child-rearing task to someone else, but she wasn’t a quitter, or so she told herself before turning a smile on the little girl.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she said. “Daddy’s here.”
Breanna went to Hannah, the one familiar constant in her life. “Mama?” she asked.
Hannah’s eyes became suspiciously moist. “No, sweetie. Mama’s not here. But your daddy is.”
Maggie glanced at Joe. The man who’d always seemed as steady as a rock and completely fearless now appeared as if he were living his worst nightmare.
In his mind, he probably was.
“It’s time to go, Breanna,” he said, his voice unnaturally gruff.
Breanna studied him with eyes far too serious for a child her age. “Mama?”
Hannah shrugged apologetically. “She must be waiting for Dee to take her home.”
The notion sent a flash of pain through Maggie’s chest. Right now, Breanna wouldn’t understand why she suddenly had a hole in her young life—she would only know that she did. It would fall on Joe to make sure this child never felt abandoned because of her loss.
Joe turned to Maggie. His eyes reflected indecision. “Now what? I’d rather not drag her out of here, kicking and screaming.”
“Let’s see what she does in a few minutes,” Maggie suggested. She turned to Hannah. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all. If you like, I’ll tell you what I know about her schedule.”
So, for the next half-hour, Maggie listened and took mental notes, hoping Joe was absorbing a fraction of the information he was hearing. From the vacant expression on his face, she suspected he was still overwhelmed by the situation. She would need to fill the gap until he found his footing.
Before long, Breanna crawled onto the sofa and sat between them as she eyed Joe cautiously.
“She hasn’t been around many men,” Hannah remarked. “You’re a novelty.”
Maggie found that innocently volunteered tidbit interesting. In her opinion, it added evidence to the case that Joe—not another man—was Breanna’s father. “Then Deanna wasn’t seeing anyone?”
Hannah shook her head. “If she was, she kept him a secret, which wouldn’t have been easy with us living next to each other. Although there was a fellow…” She looked thoughtful.
“And?” Joe raised an eyebrow.
“I saw him with her once or twice a long time ago, but she never introduced us. Then he quit coming and Dee never mentioned his name. Ever.”
Maggie exchanged glances with Joe. “Would you recognize him if you saw him again?”
“Possibly. Like I said, it was a long time ago. He reminded me of you,” she addressed Joe, “but not as tall. A little older. He dressed really well, too.” Her face flushed. “Not that you looked like a bum, but this guy always wore a suit.”
“Could he be Breanna’s father?” Joe asked.
Hannah shook her head. “I doubt it.”
“Why do you say that?” Joe asked.
“Because Dee said you were a tough act to follow,” Hannah said bluntly.
A tough act to follow? Maggie was surprised to hear Joe described in such glowing terms. Clearly Dee’s Joe Donatelli was a different man than her Joe Donatelli, she thought with some exasperation.
Feeling guilty for her uncharitable thought, she mentally backpedaled. OK, so he may not be an outgoing, blurt-out-everything-he-was-feeling sort, but her colleagues said he was a kind, honest, dependable person. Just because she hadn’t personally seen indisputable evidence of those traits didn’t mean it wasn’t so.
For an instant, she was almost jealous of a dead woman. Clearly Dee hadn’t had any trouble penetrating his outer shell, especially if his friendship with her had lasted longer than their physical relationship. Maggie should be able to accomplish the same.
The more she thought, the more she realized that in spite of her reluctance to help him with Breanna she wanted to meet the same Joe Donatelli who Dee Delacourt had obviously loved.
At seven o’clock that evening, Joe gratefully sank into the rocking chair as he fed Breanna her bedtime bottle of formula. The little girl had been fed her nighttime snack, bathed, and was now resting in his lap as she clutched her bunny. Joe hoped she’d exhausted herself to the point where she’d sleep all night because he certainly would if he got the chance.
His day hadn’t been tiring in a physical sense, but he’d definitely been through an emotional wringer. It had been tough to visit Dee’s apartment, but facing the memories of his old friend had been easy compared to handling Breanna.
“Tired?” Maggie asked as she sat in the recliner next to his chair and sipped at a cup of coffee.
“I’m beyond tired,” he admitted, rubbing his bristled face with one hand, careful to slow his movements so as not to startle Breanna out of her doze. “I feel like I’m at least twice my age.” At thirty, he’d considered himself in peak form, but that had been before Breanna had entered his life.
“You’ll adjust,” she predicted. “If my brothers could make the transformation to parenthood, so can you.”
He purposely didn’t point out that her brothers hadn’t managed that feat on their own either. They’d had wives and the support of their families behind them. “If you say so. Regardless, I’ve officially decided it’s less stressful to work a thirty-six-hour shift than look after a baby.”
“It’ll get better.”
He glanced at Maggie. “When?”
She smiled. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but my crystal ball went the way of my time machine.”
“I’ll settle for a ballpark figure.”
“How long does it take you to adjust to a new routine? A new house, new job, new friends? I’m guessing several weeks, minimum.”
He hadn’t thought of Breanna’s situation in those terms and he should have. He’d grown up in foster-care and knew what it was like to be moved into a new home for reasons he often hadn’t understood other than he couldn’t stay where he’d been. Eventually, after he’d learned it didn’t pay to get too cozy or too comfortable in any given residence because it didn’t last, he began to consider his current placement as little more than a hotel.
“Of course, she’s a baby, so she may make the transition sooner,” she offered. “It’s difficult to say.”
“You’re a ray of sunshine,” he said dryly.
“That’s what I’m here for,” she said lightly. “To spread sunshine and good cheer.”
Her smile brightened his spirits. “Speaking of sunshine, I don’t want to think how this day would have gone if not for you. We wouldn’t have accomplished a fraction of the things we did. It wouldn’t surprise me if we’d still be at Hannah’s, trying to get Breanna in my truck.”
Breanna hadn’t wanted to leave Hannah’s place, and rightly so. Hannah was a familiar face in a now unfamiliar world and little Bee didn’t want any part of her new life. Maggie, however, had taken charge. She’d matter-of-factly installed Breanna in the car seat and ignored her tantrum during the drive across town. Then, when they’d arrived at his house and he’d tried to carry her inside, Breanna had screamed blue murder until Maggie had simply said her name in the tone a schoolteacher used on an unruly pupil. The little girl had instantly quieted.
“Oh, you’d have managed,” she said lightly.
“I don’t see how. And you kept her busy while I unloaded the furniture and assembled her crib.” Even now, hours later, he could visualize the homey scene. Father working his magic with a screwdriver to assemble furniture while Mother and Baby watched, but he knew this picture’s fairy-tale qualities were deceptive. Nothing lasted for ever. Not even cozy little family moments like the one he was now experiencing.
“I didn’t do anything more than watch her play with her toys,” she answered.
“Don’t be so modest.”
“OK, I’ll take full credit for Breanna occupying herself.” She stifled a yawn.
“Tired?” he asked.
“A little,” she admitted.
“Busy night last night?” he asked, wishing he’d been part of whatever action they’d had.
“Not too bad. Our last call came in at midnight and after that, nothing.”
“Until you got up early to make my soup.”
“About that…You should have told the captain what was going on,” she chided.
“Probably,” he agreed. “But you wouldn’t have landed on my doorstep with lunch in hand, would you?”
She smiled. “Probably not.” She peered at Breanna’s face. “I think she’s asleep. Why don’t you try putting her in her crib?”
Unfortunately, Maggie’s suggestion didn’t go smoothly. As he laid Breanna onto the mattress, the little girl instantly woke and began crying. Nothing he did consoled her as she kicked out in her frustration.
Joe wanted to do the same. So much for hoping tonight would be different. Fortunately, the answer to his problems stood only a few feet away.
“What now?” he asked, his voice ragged as he hoisted Breanna out of her bed and onto his hip.
Maggie stared at the two standing before her, one weary, one unhappy. At that moment, she didn’t know who tugged on her heartstrings more—the innocent whose life had been torn apart so easily by fate or the man who appeared so clearly powerless in the present circumstances. Tears of helplessness formed in her eyes, but she blinked them away. She had to remain strong and confident, not just for herself and for this little girl, but also for Joe. He was a man who thrived on being in control and at the moment he was fighting a losing battle against his feelings of inadequacy.
She held out her arms. “Let me have her.”
He passed Breanna to her, but as he did so she saw the bleakness in his eyes and the expression of a man who knew he was completely out of his depth. Joe would need his confidence bolstered before she went home, but at the moment he had to wait his turn.
Maggie soothed the little one against her shoulder with every song she remembered. Fifteen minutes later, the cries were fading to hiccups.
She nuzzled Breanna’s temple and inhaled her sweet baby scent as she told herself to remain detached. She simply had to rein in her feelings and not let them overrule her good sense. If she didn’t, she’d be destroyed when she walked away. She could never lose sight of the fact that caring for Breanna was only a job, and a temporary one at that…
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