Gold Coast Angels: Two Tiny Heartbeats

CHAPTER TWO

TEN MINUTES LATER that theory crashed and burned.

Lucy sank into the leather chair in Nikolai’s office with the glass of water he’d given her in hand and tried to think.

She shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. ‘I’m my mother all over again.’

When she opened her eyes he was smiling gently. ‘All mothers are their mothers.’

She sat up with a sigh. ‘Well, I really am mine. On the brink of a career I’ve worked so hard for and I’ve ruined my life.’ She could not believe this.

‘It’s been a shock. Can you remember when…?’ He paused delicately and Lucy felt her cheeks warm again. This just got worse and worse. ‘The night of our graduation.’ Her hand crept over her stomach. This could not be happening, but the tiny bulge of her belly, something she’d been lamenting over the last week and blamed on the huge box of rocky road chocolate she’d been given, suddenly took on an ominous relevance to her queasiness.

How could she have been so stupid not to notice? She was a midwife, for pity’s sake! But she’d been so excited about her job, and the house-sitting opportunity that would allow her to save money. She’d always been someone who got car sick, plane sick, excitement sick, thanks to an anxiety to please she’d thought she’d beaten.

It was a wonder she hadn’t been throwing up every morning if she was pregnant, the way her stomach usually reacted to change. ‘I can’t be pregnant. It must be something else.’

He had such calm, sympathetic eyes. But she could tell he thought the test was valid. She guessed he had experience of this situation. Well, she didn’t.

‘Would you like me to run a quick ultrasound to confirm the test?’

She wanted to say, no, that would be too real. She knew a little about ultrasounds in early pregnancy. She had seen obstetricians during her practical placements using the machines on the ward when women were bleeding.

Find the sac. Foetal poles. Heartbeat if far enough along. She didn’t want to know how far she had to be along. Somewhere around fourteen weeks, seeing as that had been the only time she’d ever had sex. Did she want more proof?

Maybe it was something else. Yeah, right. Fat chance. And she may as well face the reality until she decided what she was going to do and how she was going to manage this.

He was asking again, ‘Would you like me to ask a nurse to come in? My receptionist has gone home. Just while we do this?’

God, no. ‘No, thank you, if that’s okay. Please. I don’t want anyone to know.’ She covered her eyes. She didn’t want to know, but she couldn’t say that.

‘I understand.’ His voice was low, that trace of accent rough with sympathy, and she had the sense he really did understand a little how she was feeling.

Maybe she was even glad he was there to be a stabiliser while she came to grips with this, except for the fact she’d have to see him almost every day at work, and he’d know her secret.

‘Just do it.’ Lucy climbed up onto the examination couch in his rooms, feeling ridiculous, scared and thoroughly embarrassed. Lucy closed her eyes and the mantra kept running through her head. This could not be happening.

Nikolai switched on the little portable ultrasound machine he kept in the corner of his rooms. This must have been how his sister had felt when she’d found out the worst thing a sixteen-year-old Greek Orthodox girl could find out. He just hoped there was someone here for this young woman.

He tried not to notice the unobtrusively crossed fingers she’d hidden down her sides as he tucked the towel across her upper abdomen to protect her purple scrubs from the gel. He didn’t like her chances of the test strip being disputed by ultrasound.

He tucked another disposable sheet low in her abdomen, definitely in professional mode, and squirted the cool jelly across the not so tiny mound of her belly. She had silky, luminous skin and he tried not to notice.

When he felt her wince under his fingers, he paused until he checked she was okay, and she nodded before he recommenced the slide of the ultrasound transducer sideways. He couldn’t help but admire the control she had under the circumstances. He wondered if Chloe had been this composed.

He glanced from her to the screen and then everything else was excluded as he concentrated on the fascinating parallel universe of pelvic ultrasound.

An eerie black-and-white zone of depth and shadings. Uterus. Zoom in. Foetal spine. So the foetus was mature enough for morphology. Foetal skull. Measure circumference. Crown-rump length. Placenta. Cord. Another cord?

He blinked. ‘Just shutting the blinds so I can see better.’ He reached across to the wall behind her head and the remote-control curtains dulled the brightness of the Queensland sun. Zoomed in closer. Uh-oh.

The room dimmed behind Lucy’s closed eyelids and then she heard it. The galloping hoofbeats of a tiny foetal heart. No other reason to have a galloping horse inside her belly except the cloppety-clop of a baby’s heartbeat.

She was pregnant.

It was true. She couldn’t open her eyes. Was terrified to confirm it with sight but her ears wouldn’t lie.

She couldn’t cope with this. Give up her hard-won career just when it was starting. Throw away the last three years of intense study, all the after-hours work to pay for it, all her dreams of being the best midwife GCG had ever seen.

Cloppety-clop, cloppety-clop. The heartbeat of her baby, growing inside her. Her child. Something shifted inside her.

She had to look. She opened her eyes just as Dr Kefes sucked in his breath and she glanced at his face. She saw the frown as he swirled the transducer around and raised his eyebrows.

What? ‘Has it got two heads?’ A flippant comment when she was feeling anything but flippant. Was her baby deformed? Funny how the last thing she wanted was to be pregnant but the barest hint of a problem with her tiny peanut and she was feeling…maternal?

‘Sort of.’ He clicked a snapshot with the machine and shifted the transducer. Clicked again.

Her stomach dropped like a stone. There was something wrong with her baby?

‘What?’

‘Sorry. Not what I meant.’ He was looking at her with a mixture of concern and…it couldn’t be wonderment surely. ‘Congratulations, Lucy.’

That didn’t make sense. Neither did a second heartbeat, this one slower than the other but still a clopping sound that both of them recognised. ‘The measurements say you have two healthy fourteen-week foetuses.’

‘I’m sorry?’ He had not just said that. ‘Two?’

‘Twins.’ He nodded to confirm his words. Held up two fingers in case she still didn’t get it.

Lucy opened and shut her mouth before the words came out. ‘Twins? Fourteen weeks?’ Lucy squeaked, and then the world dimmed, only to return a little brighter and a whole lot louder than before—like a crash of cymbals beside her ear. She wasn’t just pregnant. She was seriously, seriously pregnant.

She watched the screen zoom in and out in a haze of disbelief. Followed his finger as he pointed out legs and arms. And legs and arms. Two babies!

‘I don’t want twins. I don’t want one,’ she whispered, but even to her own ears there might be a question mark at the end of the sentence. She couldn’t really be considering what she thought she was considering.

She thought briefly of Mark, her midwifery colleague already settled in Boston at his new job, a good-time guy with big plans. Their actions had been a silly impulse, regrettable but with no bad feelings, more a connection between two euphoric graduates than any kind of meeting of souls.

They’d both been sheepish after the event. The whole ‘do you want coffee, can I use your bathroom’, morning-after conversation that had made it very clear neither had felt the earth move—friends who should never have been lovers.

Dr Kefes broke into her thoughts and she blinked. ‘If you are going to think about your options you don’t have much time. In fact, you may not have any.’

Think about what? Terminating her babies that she’d heard? Seen? Was now totally aware of? She didn’t know what she was going to do but she couldn’t do that.

‘Do they look healthy? Are they identical?’ From what she’d learned about twin pregnancies there’d be more risk with identical twins than fraternal and already that was a worry.

‘Looks to be one placenta but it’s hard to tell. Early days, to be sure. They look fine.’ His accent elongated the word fine and her attention zoned in on something non-traumatic—almost soothing—but he was forging on and she needed to pay attention. ‘Both babies are equal size. Nothing out of the ordinary I can see.’ He smiled and she was distracted for a second again from the whole tragedy. He was a serious darling, this guy. Then his words sank in.

Relief flooded over her. Her babies were fine. Relief?

She didn’t know how she would manage. Certainly with no help from her own mother—how on earth would she tell her?—but she would manage. And no way was she going to blame her babies like her mother had always blamed her for ruining her life.

But that was for home. For quiet, intense thought. And she’d held this kind man up enough with her sudden drama that had blown out of all proportion into a life-changing event. Events.

She was having twins.

Holy cow.

On the first day of her new job.

She had no idea where to start with planning her life but she’d better get on with it. ‘Thank you.’

Nikolai removed the transducer and nodded. As he wiped her belly he watched in awe as this slip of a girl digested her news with fierce concentration.

She was thanking him?

Well, he guessed she knew a lot more than she had half an hour ago because of him. And she seemed to be holding together pretty well. He thought of his sister again and his protective instincts kicked in. He didn’t stop to think why he felt more involved than usual. But it was all a bit out of left field. ‘Will you be all right?’

He wasn’t sure what he’d do if she said no, and as he caught her eye, her delightful mouth curved into a smile and he saw her acknowledge that.

‘Not a lot we can do if I’m not, is there?’ She sat up and he helped her climb down. ‘But, yes, I’ll be fine. Eventually.’

He thought of his sister and the disastrous decisions she’d made in the heat of her terrifying moment all those years ago. And the ramifications now.

He thought of this woman under the care of a less-than-proficient practitioner like his sister had been, and his mind rebelled with startling force. ‘I realise it’s early, but if you’d like me to care for you through your pregnancy, I’d be happy to. There’d be no additional cost, of course.’

‘Thank you, Dr Kefes. I think I’d like that when I get used to the idea of being pregnant. That would be most reassuring.’

She straightened her scrubs and he gestured for her to sit in the office chair.

‘Wait one moment and I’ll print out a list of pathology tests I’d like you to have. The results will come to me and we’ll discuss them when they come back.’

The little unexpected catches of his accent made him seem less formidable and Lucy could feel the relief that at least she wouldn’t be cast adrift with the bombshell all alone.

She watched his long fingers fly across the keyboard as he opened a file on his desk computer. He made her feel safe, which was dumb because she was just a silly little girl who’d got herself pregnant, and she almost missed it when he asked for her full name, date of birth and residential address.

Luckily her mouth seemed to be working even if her brain wasn’t and she managed the answers without stumbling.

He stood up. Darn, that man was tall. ‘The rest we will sort out at your next visit.’

Lucy nodded, took the form, and jammed it in her bag. ‘Thank you. It’s been a huge day.’

‘Enormous for you, of course.’ Nikolai decided she still looked dazed and he resisted the urge to give her a quick hug. He would have given Chloe one but he wasn’t in the habit of hugging patients or staff.

‘And…’ he hesitated ‘…may I offer you congratulations?’

‘I guess congratulations are in order.’ She shook her head and he didn’t doubt she was only barely comprehending what her news would entail.

There was an awkward pause and he searched around for something normal to say. ‘Sister May tells me it was your first day of work. You did well and I look forward to working with you.’

He sounded patronising but had only intended to try to ease her discomfort about seeing him on the ward tomorrow.

He tried again. ‘Of course your news will remain confidential until you decide to say otherwise.’

She nodded and he saw her draw a deep breath as she faced the door. She lifted her chin and He leaned in front of her to open the door. ‘Allow me.’

He actually felt reassured. She would be fine. He now had some idea how strong this young woman really was. He would see that she and her babies remained as healthy as possible, he vowed as he watched her walk away.

But she did look heartbreakingly alone.

Lucy had always been alone.

Half an hour later she pushed open the door to her tiny cabana flat and the really bizarre thing was that it looked the same as when she’d left that morning.

It was she who’d changed. Drastically. And she was alone to face it. But then again when hadn’t she been alone to face things? Luckily she had practice at it. The upside was that in about six months’ time she’d never be alone again.

Upside? There was an upside? Where was the anxiety she should be feeling? She’d lived her whole life with that. Trying to do the right thing. She searched her feelings for anger and blame for the life-changing event that had just been confirmed, but she didn’t find any.

Why aren’t I angry with my babies? Didn’t my mother get this feeling I’m feeling now? Almost—no, not almost, definitely—a real connection with her babies. Maybe this was what she was meant to be. A mother.

But twins. Fourteen weeks pregnant was ridiculous. Her first pregnancy was going to be over in twenty-six weeks’ time, because she’d already gone through more than a third of it.

She’d better get her head around it pretty darned quick. Let alone the known fact that twins often came earlier than expected.

She guessed she’d had her official first antenatal visit with the delicious Dr Nick.

She had to snap any of those thoughts out of her brain. Not only had he been there to see her throw up but to hear her whole sordid story of a one-night stand resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. Times two.

She frowned, and her hand crept to her tiny bulge. ‘It’s okay, babies, I do want you now that I know about you, but you could have waited for a more opportune time.’

Lucy rolled her eyes. ‘Like in about ten years, when I’d found a man who wanted to be your father. Preferably after the wedding.’ Someone like Dr Kefes?

She straightened her shoulders and patted her belly. ‘But don’t worry. I’ll give you all the love I never had and there will be no string of uncles staying over. If I don’t meet a one hundred per cent perfect daddy for you, we’ll do this ourselves.’

Her voice died away and she glanced around the empty room. She was going mad already. She’d bet Dr Kefes thought she was mad.

Twenty-two, single and taking on twins instead of the career she’d worked so hard to achieve.

She had almost been able to feel his soothing persona. He’d been very kind. Incredibly supportive considering he didn’t know her. She could understand why women fell a little in love with their obstetricians if they were all like him.

Though she didn’t think there could be a lot of tall, dark and dreamy docs out there with such a delicious hint of a foreign accent.

But at the end of everything, she would be the one holding the babies, and she’d better stop thinking that some demi-god was going to swoop in and lend her a hand.

This was her responsibility and hers alone.

She glanced at the tiny cabana she’d been lucky enough to score in exchange for house-sitting the mansion out front, and she was thankful. Be thankful. She needed to remember that. If the owners decided to sell, something else would turn up. She had to believe that.

And she would find a way to support her babies. She’d just have to save every penny she could until she finished work.

At least she’d get maternity leave—or would she if she was fourteen weeks pregnant on her first day? More things to find out.

But they did have a crèche at the hospital so eventually she’d be able to go back. If Flora May would have her after she told her the news. She put her head in her hands.

And how would she tell her mother?

A kilometre away, Nikolai threw his keys on the hall table inside the door of his flat and pulled off his tie. What a day. And not just with work.

He wasn’t sure why he was so rattled by his encounter with Lucy the midwife, and her news, but he guessed it had to do with the day starting with his sister’s phone call. He’d obviously associated the two women in his mind.

That explained his bizarre feeling of connection with young Lucy. And that was what she was. Young. Barely over twenty, and he was a good ten years older so it had to be an avuncular or older-brother protectiveness. He’d just have to watch it in case she got any ideas.

Because he certainly didn’t have any.

Maybe it hadn’t been so clever to offer to look after her during her pregnancy, but it had seemed right at the time. And he genuinely wanted her to have the best care.

But when the next day at work he only saw Lucy in the distance, she waved once discreetly because both of them were busy with their own workload, and by the end of the day His concerns had seemed foolish.

He wasn’t piqued she hadn’t made any effort to speak to him. Of course not. His concerns were ridiculous. But it seemed he had no worries that she might take liberties with his offer.

Then the day suddenly got busier and Lucy and her problems disappeared into the back of his mind.

The busyness of the ward continued for almost a fortnight, so much so that the staff were counting back in the calendars to see what had happened around this time ten months ago. Solar eclipse? Power blackout?

There was an unofficial competition to see who could come up with the most likely reason for the surge in births.

It was Lucy’s fifth shift in a row and she was finding it harder to get out of bed at six in the morning.

‘Come on, lazybones,’ she grumbled to herself as she sat up on the side of the bed. ‘You’ve got no stamina. You think it’s going to be easier when you’ve got to get two little bodkins organised every three hours for feeds?’

She stood up and rubbed her back. ‘They all say it’s going to get quieter at work again soon. You can do this.’ And she still hadn’t told her mother. She’d told Mark and he’d offered money. And no strings. That was a good thing because she knew in her heart an unwilling Mark wasn’t the answer for either of them. The last thing she wanted was her babies to see her in an unhappy relationship.

When Nikolai saw Lucy he could tell she was starting to feel the frenetic pace. Her usual determined little walk had slowed and he didn’t notice her smile as often.

The next time he saw her he decided she looked far too pale and he couldn’t remember any results from the blood tests he’d ordered a fortnight ago.

He added ‘Follow up with Lucy’ to his list of tasks for the day and tracked her down towards the end of the shift.

‘One moment, Lucy.’

She stopped and smiled tiredly up at him. ‘Yes, Doctor?’

He felt like offering her a chair. Wasn’t anyone looking after this girl? It had been hard enough for him to look after Chloe and he’d been the same age as Lucy was now. And a man, not a slip of a girl.

It was tough making ends meet when you were trying to get through uni and feed yourself. He wondered if she was eating properly before he realised she was waiting for him to finish his sentence.

‘Sorry.’ He glanced around but no one was near them. ‘I wondered why I haven’t seen those results yet.’

Lucy racked her brain. An hour of the shift to go and she was finding it hard not to yawn. Now he wanted results and she had no idea whose he was talking about. For which patient? She frowned. ‘Was I supposed to give you some results?’

‘Yours. Antenatal screening.’ He looked so hard at her she felt like he’d put her under the microscope.

‘You look pale.’

She felt pale, if that was possible. She’d forgotten the tests. She ran back over that momentous day, back to his rooms. Yes, he’d given her forms, and the form was still scrunched in the bottom of her bag. Maybe there was something Freudian about that.

She sighed. ‘I keep meaning to get them done. Maybe I’m not ready to tell the world.’

She saw him glance at her stomach and raise his eyebrows. She looked down, too. And didn’t think it showed much yet.

He was frowning and he rarely frowned. That was one of the things she liked about this guy. One of the many things.

‘I’d like you to do them today, if you could, please. Outside the hospital if you want to. But if you have them done internally there will be no charge for the pathology.’

And pathology tests could be expensive. Expenses she needed to cut back on. ‘Big incentive.’ She nodded. Just so he knew she meant it. ‘I’ll go after work.’

He stayed where he was. Looking so calm and collected and immaculate. She felt like a dishrag. Her back hurt. What else did he want?

‘And could you make an appointment to come and see me in two days? I’ll let my secretary know.’

Lucy laughed for the first time that day. It actually felt good. She could even feel the tension drop from her shoulders and reminded herself she needed to shed a few chuckles more often. She didn’t want to forget that. Her mother had rarely laughed while she had been growing up.

But two days? It seemed she wasn’t the only one who was tired. ‘Two days is a Sunday. I don’t think your secretary will be take an appointment on that one. But I will make it for Monday.’

Nick smiled back at her and she felt her cheeks warm. She frowned at herself and him. He shouldn’t smile at emotional, hormonal women like that. Especially ones who were planning to be single mothers of twins.

She was never going to feel second best again and he made her feel like she wanted to be better than she was. The guy was just too perfect. For her anyway.

‘Thanks for the reminder. Have to go.’ She turned and walked back to the desk and she could hear his footsteps walking away. She could imagine the sight. The long strides. The commanding tilt of his head. Not fair.