The Winner Takes It All: Winning Back His Wife / In Her Rival's Arms / Royally Seduced
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Not an option. Even if a part of him wished it were.
As Cullen loaded the dishwasher, Sarah sat at the table with a plate of cookies within arm’s reach. Medication dulled the pain, but made her feel as if she’d drunk one beer too many. Maybe that was why dinner with Cullen had seemed so weird. Forget walking on eggshells—the floor was covered in shattered glass and she kept stepping on the shards.
An uncomfortable silence had enveloped them during the meal. The same unsettling quiet had consumed their marriage. If Sarah could have made it to the guest bedroom on her own, she would have bolted after she’d finished eating. But, since she couldn’t, death by chocolate chips sounded like the best alternative.
She bit into a cookie. The sweet flavor exploded in her mouth. “Great cookie.”
Cullen glanced over his shoulder. “Carly is known for her baking skills.”
“I can see why.” Sarah had been surprised about Cullen’s broken arm. She wondered what else she didn’t know about him. Sex had been the way they’d been able to communicate best. But even that hadn’t been enough after a while. Uh-oh. Thinking about sex and Cullen wasn’t going to help matters. “I think I’ll have another cookie.”
“Save me one.”
She held her left hand above the plate. “There are over a dozen.”
Cullen glanced over his shoulder. Amusement—at least that was what she hoped it was—flashed in his eyes. “I know how much you love cookies.”
“You gave me a cookie bouquet for my birthday.” That had been five months into their marriage. He’d also covered their bed with rose petals. A romantic gesture when romance had been nonexistent. “They were tasty.”
“I never got one.”
“That’s because you left for your shift at the hospital and I didn’t hear from you for two days.”
Cullen gave her one of those you-have-to-be-kidding looks. “I had to work.”
By the time he’d returned, the cookies had been eaten and the rose petals had wilted. “You never called or texted. Not even during breaks.”
He tugged at his collar. “I need to concentrate when I’m at the hospital.”
He had never owned up to his behavior in the past. Why had she expected anything different now? Best to forget everything that had happened between them. Good or bad. She pushed the plate of cookies away. “Help yourself. You’ll have to roll me back to my room if I eat any more.”
“Roll you, carry you.” He bent to put something in the dishwasher. “Not much difference.”
Maybe not for him.
A wave of helplessness washed over her, threatening to drown her. She hated not being able to do anything on her own. She hated being at someone else’s mercy. She hated relying on anybody. Oh-so-familiar disappointment pressed down on her. She had finally been getting everything on track when life threw a rock at her. She didn’t want to have to depend on Cullen. She didn’t want to end up needing him.
The tight ball of emotion in her belly unraveled like yarn, sending pent-up feelings rolling through her.
She couldn’t unsnap her bra or button her jeans or be the kind of wife a man would love forever.
Tears stung her eyes.
Oh, no. Sarah didn’t want him to see her like this. She was independent and strong, not needy and emotional. Except, the only thing she felt like doing right now was crying.
She blinked. She looked up. Drops still fell. She dabbed her eyes with the napkin.
Time to get out of here.
Without Cullen’s help.
Using her left hand, she pushed against the table. Mantling had always been a favorite climbing move, but this took more effort than she was used to exerting. Her muscles protested. Her abdomen ached. Still she managed to stand, scooting the chair back in the process.
Cullen looked at her. Forks clattered into the sink. He rushed to her side. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t need to be rolled or carried.” Her voice cracked. “I can do it myself.”
Except she couldn’t. All she wanted to do was sit. Pride kept her standing.
“I was kidding.” He didn’t sound amused. His dark eyes looked annoyed. “Like old times.”
She raised her chin, but that didn’t make up the difference in height. The top of her head came to his nose. She reminded herself that in every other way they were equals. And an underground city of elves lived inside Mount Shasta, too. “The old times weren’t that great.”
He flinched. “They weren’t that bad.”
She shrugged, hoping the gesture hid the hurt she was feeling. “I’m used to taking care of myself. I can do this.”
But if she didn’t get moving she would be flat on her butt in about ten seconds.
“Tomorrow—” he scooped her into his arms “—not tonight. Time to get you into your jammies and into bed.”
Cradled against his strong, wide chest, she struggled to breathe. Her muscles tensed. Her senses reeled.
What was happening to her?
Sarah wanted to be strong, but she also wanted to collapse against him and forget everything in the past and what would happen in the future. But she couldn’t. Not when the feel of his heartbeat sent hers into a frenetic rhythm. Or when the musky scent of him made her want to take another sniff.
“You don’t have to do this.” She tried to keep the panic out of her voice. “I’m okay.”
Or would be once she was out of his arms and into bed.
Alone.
With the door locked.
Sarah’s gaze locked on his lips. Heat exploded inside her. She looked away.
“You’re not okay.” He carried her down the hallway. “It doesn’t take a medical degree to see you’re exhausted.”
She opened her mouth to deny it, but couldn’t. “I’ll feel better in the morning.”
“I’d rather you feel better now.”
Maybe if she had a good cry or if he kissed her…
He kicked open the bathroom door with his foot and flipped on the light with his elbow. He set her on her feet in the bathroom, keeping his hands on her. “Let’s get you ready for bed.”
Her heart beat a rapid tattoo. She leaned against the sink counter for support. “My toiletry kit is in my suitcase.”
A coworker had packed a bag for Sarah and driven it to the hospital yesterday.
Cullen opened a drawer and pulled out a new toothbrush. He unwrapped the plastic covering. “Use this.”
“You have spare toothbrushes?”
“People sack out here if they don’t want to drive home.”
People? Or women? Sarah didn’t want to know.
He squirted toothpaste on it. “Here you go.”
She took the toothbrush. One minute he seemed upset at her, the next he was concerned. The flip-flopping made her dizzy. Or maybe it was the pain medication. That could explain her crying.
“I’ll brush your teeth for you,” he said.
She shoved the toothbrush into her mouth. “Got it.”
“Be right back.”
Sarah took advantage of the moment of privacy. Then after brushing her teeth, she washed her face and combed the tangles out of her hair. The effort wiped her out. She released a frustrated breath.
Cullen stood in the doorway. “Finished?”
Sarah nodded. He followed her to the guest room.
A queen-size bed with a headboard made of twigs dominated the room. He’d straightened the bedding and pulled back the covers for her, something he’d done for her when he worked graveyard shifts. Her chest tightened with memories and regrets.
A full glass of water sat on the knotty-pine nightstand. A cookie lay on a paper towel. Tears returned to her eyes. “I don’t deserve—”
He placed his finger at her lips. “Shhh.”
The slight touch sent chills down her spine. She couldn’t have said anything if she’d wanted to.
Cullen tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t take good care of you earlier.”
Her heart stilled. She knew he meant today, but a part of her wished he’d meant during their marriage.
“I’m making up for this afternoon,” he continued.
Sarah released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Her disappointment was a not-so-subtle reminder of how stupid she became around Cullen. “You’re not my manservant.”
Mischief did the tango in his eyes. “I could be if that’s what you want.”
She wanted…him.
No, that was the pain medication talking. More tears filled her eyes. She wiped her face with the back of her hand.
He embraced her. “It’s going to be okay.”
Not with her breasts pressed against his broad, muscular chest and her heart thudding in her chest. “I’m sorry. I’m all loopy.”
“You’re cute when you’re all loopy.”
He pulled her closer and she sank against him, too tired to keep fighting herself. He felt so good. Warm. And strong. “You’re cute when I’m all loopy.”
Cullen laughed. The deep sound was the best medicine of all. “Where are your pajamas?”
“In my suitcase.”
“Sit.”
She sat on the bed while he opened her suitcase.
He removed a floral-print nightshirt. “This work?”
“Yes.”
Cullen placed the nightie on the bed. He pulled on her bra band through her T-shirt. The strap unhooked.
Heat rushed up her neck. “You’ve, um, always been good at that.”
“A little rusty, but it’s like riding a bike.”
Her pulse quickened. “I haven’t ridden in a while.”
Too long. She missed it. Missed him. No, she missed the idea of him, of what they could have had together if fairy tales existed. This—what was happening right now—wasn’t real.
He brushed his hand over her hair. “You can always hop back on.”
Sarah’s mouth went dry. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
“Let’s get your shirt off you.”
Let’s not. She crossed her arm and her cast in front of her chest. “I want to see if I can do it.”
“Sure.”
She waited for him to turn around. He didn’t. Frustration grew. “Maybe you could face the other way.”
He turned to the wall.
Self-preservation helped her undress and put on the nightshirt. Thank goodness she’d taken the pain pills, or she’d be really hurting. “You can turn around.”
“I’m impressed.”
She was about to fall asleep. “Thanks.”
“Time for bed.”
Before Sarah could blink, she was horizontal with her head against the pillow. She had no idea how he’d managed to get her in this position so effortlessly, but she was beyond the point of caring.
Cullen arranged the sheet and comforter over her.
“You don’t have to do this,” she said quietly.
He brushed his lips across her forehead with a kiss as light as a feather. “It’s been a long day, an even longer week. The least I can do is tuck you in.”
Emotion overflowed from her heart. She felt so special.
“Sweet dreams, Lavagirl,” he said.
Who needed dreams? Reality was pretty sweet right now. Sarah wanted him to stay, to hold her, until she fell asleep.
“Thank you, Dr. Gray.” She felt dreamy and a tad wistful. “For everything.”
“I’m right across the hall if you need anything.”
He turned off the light, walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.
And then it hit her.
She and Cullen had never spent a night in the same place without sleeping in the same bed. Not until tonight. Her heart panged.
A door closed out in the hallway. She heard water. The shower.
Well, there was always a first time. Sarah touched the empty space next to her. But she had to admit she’d rather there wasn’t.
Even if she knew better.
CHAPTER SIX
SOMEONE COUGHED. CULLEN bolted upright from a dead sleep. He blinked, not quite sure what was going on. Rays of sunlight peeked into the room around the edges of the window blinds. The digital clock on his nightstand read 6:45 a.m. Another cough.
Sarah.
Pulse pounding, he jumped out of bed, ran to her room and flung open the door. She lay in bed. Her hair was a tangled mess. Her face, what he could see through her hair, was pale. “Sarah?”
“I coughed.” Her voice sounded hoarse. “It hurt.”
“I’m sure it did.” He sat next to her. “Let me check your incision.”
Her eyes widened with a hint of panic. “It was the cough.”
He brushed the hair away from her face. His fingers touched her cheek. She didn’t feel warm. “I want to make sure.”
She pulled the blanket to her neck. “You don’t have to go to all this trouble.”
“It’s no trouble.” He understood Sarah’s leeriness. In spite of being a little out of it last night, she must have realized he’d been turned on. Even after a cold shower, he’d wanted to sleep in here, to hold her, to breathe in her scent. Loneliness did strange things to a man. “If you were in a SNF, someone would check you.”
“Yes, but not…”
“Me.”
She nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.”
Her fingers rubbed the edge of the blanket. She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “It’s the situation. I’m not sure how to feel around you. Parts of last night were nice, then awkward, then nice again. So nice I hated sleeping alone.”
A combination of relief and satisfaction radiated through him. He’d thought the same thing. He touched her shoulder.
Her muscles tensed beneath his hand.
“I get it,” he admitted. “Having you here is…”
“Weird.”
“Different,” he said at the same time. “A little weird, too.”
She blew out a puff of air. “Good. I mean, not that things are weird, but that I’m not alone or imagining things.”
“You’re not alone.” He’d been imagining things about her all night. Unfortunately. Because those fantasies would never become reality. “We’re adults. We can handle this.”
“It’s not like we have another choice.”
If only…“It is what it is until you’re ready to go back to Bellingham.”
“If things get too weird we can talk it out.”
She had wanted to talk about everything. He hated doing that. He’d been talked out after his parents had the family attend counseling and grief sessions following Blaine’s death. The intense sessions helped, but they also frustrated Cullen because no amount of counseling or rehab had been able to help his brother kick his drug addiction.
Sarah looked expectantly at him.
“Sure, we can talk.” He relented. “May I check your incision?”
She lowered the blanket. “It’s not like you haven’t seen this before.”
He slowly raised the hem of her nightshirt over her thighs. The bruises were fading. He lifted the material higher, past her orange polka-dotted bikini panties that showed off the curve of her hip. He willed his hand not to tremble. He continued to the large incision on her abdomen from her emergency splenectomy.
Cullen might have seen her body before, but he liked seeing all that creamy skin again. His gaze strayed back to her panties. He swallowed.
Focus.
The skin around the sutures wasn’t any more red then it had been at the hospital. No drainage, either. He placed his fingertips on her stomach. The skin wasn’t hot, but boy did she feel nice. Soft, smooth, silky.
He dragged his hand away. “No drainage or rash. Are you hungry?”
She nodded.
“That’s a good sign.” He pulled down the hem of her nightshirt before he became more unprofessional. “Has the pain lessened since the surgery?”
“Yes, until I coughed.”
“Next time you have to cough place a pillow over your incision.” He stood. “Let’s get you up and moving. That should ease some of the pain.”
She scrunched her nose. “It’s too early for you to be up if you have to work tonight.”
Her concern brought a smile to his face. “I’ll take a nap later.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.” He cupped her elbow and helped her out of bed. “Is it hard to breathe?”
“Nope.”
“Let’s see how you feel walking.”
She moved slowly and carefully, the way she should to make sure she didn’t fall. “It helps.”
He noticed her long legs, liked the curve of her calf, the slender slope of her ankles. “You’re doing great.”
She walked out of the bedroom. “I must look pretty frightening.”
“Not frightening.” He followed her down the hall. “You look pretty good for someone recovering from a bad fall, broken bones and surgery.”
She glanced over her shoulder, her green eyes hopeful. “Any chance I could shower?”
An image of him taking off her panties flashed in his mind. He gave his head a mental shake. “Uh, sure. I’ll have to wrap your cast.”
“That’s what the nurse did at the hospital,” Sarah said with a relieved smile. “I may need you to pour the shampoo into my left hand.”
Or he could join her in the shower and wash her hair for her. He wouldn’t mind lathering her up.
Strike that. Cullen pushed the idea from his head. He found it too easy to think about her as his wife, not his soon-to-be ex-wife. She’d wanted out of the marriage. No reason to assume she wanted back in. Not that he wanted her back. He didn’t. At least most of the time, he didn’t. “Let’s get you fed, then cleaned up.”
Sarah stood in the bathroom wearing her orange robe and nothing underneath. She stared at the tile floor, not wanting to meet Cullen’s watchful eyes. She tightened the belt around her waist as best she could with one hand so the robe wouldn’t slip open.
His height and wide shoulders made the space feel cramped even though the bathroom was larger than the one at the hospital. He checked the plastic around her cast. “It should stay dry.”
“I don’t think any water is going to come close to my cast.”
He turned on the shower. Water splashed against the tub and curtain. “That’s the plan.”
Cullen had always been a planner. Too bad he hadn’t stuck to his plans instead of letting her derail them. That would have saved them both a lot of heartache. Well, at least her. “Have your life figured out again?”
His gaze met hers. “Pretty much. I made a few changes.”
Like removing her from his future plans. She pinched the bridge of her nose, ignoring the hollow feeling inside her.
He checked the water temperature. “Ready?”
Not really. “Sure.”
He pulled back the shower curtain. “There’s a mat on the bottom of the tub, so you shouldn’t slip, but be careful.”
“Okay.”
She waited for him to leave. He didn’t.
“Aren’t you getting in?” he asked.
Cullen stared at her as if she had something on her face. Left-over French toast, perhaps? She rubbed the back of her hand over her mouth. “Are you staying in here?”
“Yes.”
It was as simple and as complicated as that.
“I need to hand you shampoo,” he reminded her.
Oh, yeah. She’d forgotten about that. But still she hesitated. “This is kind of awkward.”
“Only if we make it awkward.”
“I’m not trying to.”
“Neither am I.”
“But I’m the one who is naked under my robe.”
“I can undress.”
She gave him a look.
He grinned, then faced the door. “Better?”
“Yes, thank you.” Mustering her courage with a deep breath wasn’t going to work, with her incision and ribs. She settled for a slight intake of air, untied the belt, dropped her robe and stepped inside the tub. She closed the shower curtain. “You can turn around now.”
“Is the water the right temperature?”
Hot water poured over her. Steam rose toward the ceiling. She picked up a bar of soap. “Perfect.”
“I remember you like it hot.”
She remembered the showers they’d taken together. Hot water pulsating down on them. Washing each other. Kissing. Touching.
The soap slipped out of her hand and clattered to the tub.
“Sarah—”
“I dropped the soap,” she said at the same time.
“Can you reach it?” he asked.
Bending hurt. But she wasn’t about to ask him to get it for her. That would be too awkward. Too…tempting. “No, but it’s okay. I really just wanted to wash my hair.”
“I’ve got the shampoo,” he said. “Stick out your hand when you want some.”
Once her hair was wet enough, she extended her left arm. The cooler air temperature made her shiver. Goose bumps covered her exposed skin.
He poured a dollop of shampoo onto her palm. “Is that enough?”
“Yes.”
Washing her hair was easier this time. “I’m getting the hang of using one hand.”
“Just takes time.”
Time she didn’t have. For the past twenty-four hours, Cullen had occupied the majority of her thoughts. Not Mount Baker. Once she had work to distract her everything would return to normal. She couldn’t wait for that to happen. She rinsed the shampoo from her hair.
“Need more?” he asked.
Yes, but not from him. He hadn’t been able to give her what she needed. She couldn’t be the wife he wanted. That was why they were better off apart. Still, the thought made her heart hurt. Not a want-to-throw-herself-a-pity-party aching, but a too-bad-this-couldn’t-have-worked pining. “I’m good.”
At least when it came to shampoo.
After she returned to the institute with her marriage and Cullen behind her, everything in her life would be good, too. Given how bad things had been, it sure couldn’t get any worse.
Later that evening, the doorbell rang. Sarah remained on the couch while Cullen answered the door. Her babysitter for the night, Leanne Thomas, must have arrived.
Sarah was looking forward to Cullen going to work. A physical separation from him would be a relief, even though she’d spent most of her day in bed while he caught up on things around the cabin. But she’d been thinking about him constantly. On her mind was the last place he belonged. Well, actually her heart was the last place, but that wasn’t going to happen again.
A pretty woman with long, shiny brown hair, an easy smile and wearing a huge diamond engagement ring carried in a platter of mini red velvet cupcakes. She placed the dessert on the kitchen table, then removed a green tote bag from her shoulder. “Hi, I’m Leanne.”
“I’m Sarah.” Cullen had called the by-the-book paramedic and mountain-rescue volunteer tough as nails, but Sarah didn’t get that impression at all. “Nice to meet you.”
“The pleasure is mine.” Leanne glanced at Cullen, who was sticking a water bottle into his backpack. “Hope I’m not late.”
“Right on time.” He swung a backpack strap over his right shoulder. “Thanks for taking the overnight shift. I left a list of instructions on the breakfast bar. Sarah’s meds are on the kitchen counter. She should rest as much as possible. Short walks are okay, but not outside.”
“Bummer. I thought I could take her on a midnight stroll around Mirror Lake,” Leanne teased.
His gaze hardened. “You’re kidding.”
Sarah shook her head. He needed to lighten up and not take things so seriously.
Leanne’s mouth quirked. “Give me a little credit.”
“Just making sure,” he said. “Call me if you have any questions.”
What? Sarah bit her lower lip. He hadn’t wanted her to call him at work no matter what was going on. If she did contact him, he never got back to her. Most of the times she’d tried calling had been because she missed him and wanted to hear his voice.
“I’m sure Sarah will be able to answer any questions I might have,” Leanne said.
“Definitely.” Sarah liked how direct Leanne was. “I don’t know what instructions Cullen left, but my doctor’s orders are to take my medication. Sleep. Rest. Sleep some more. Rest some more.”
Leanne frowned. “Sounds boring.”
“It is,” Sarah agreed. “I fear I’m turning into a couch potato.”
Cullen’s lip curled. “Resting is important if you want to recover.”
“True, but you can still do stuff while you take it easy,” Leanne said. “I’ll have to see what I can come up with.”
“Thomas,” Cullen said, his voice containing a clear warning.
“Relax,” Leanne countered in a stern voice that made Sarah bite back a giggle. “Sarah will be fine. Get going before we throw you out.”