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Kai nodded. She moved her fingers lightly across the rust on the top pipe rail. It flaked off, dropping on her boots below. “I don’t mind confiding in you,” she said, looking up at him. He was now serious and she felt his full attention on her. “I was married three years to Sam Morrison. He was a Delta Force sergeant.” Her voice got a little choked up. “He was killed in a firefight in Afghanistan.” She saw his eyes go kind with sympathy. Shrugging a little, she said, “For the most part, I’m over it.”
Placing his hand on her shoulder, he said, “I’m very sorry, Kai. That’s rough.”
“Yeah...it was for a while,” she admitted, needing his kindness. After hitting a wall with Hanford, some of her hurt and fear dissolved beneath Cass’s warm care. Now Kai saw why Sandy Holt was responding so well. Cass was sunlight and he just seemed to have a knack for penetrating her darkness, her grief and pain. She looked up at him. “Were you a medic?”
“Yeah,” he said wryly, removing his hand. “I was a great mechanic in my team, which was one of my skills, but my official MOS was as an 18 Delta combat corpsman.”
“You have a nice bedside manner,” Kai admitted.
“I’d like to think I do,” Cass said. He gestured to the corrals. “Let me give you an idea of our work week. Every Monday morning we sit down in the kitchen with Gil and Talon. They hand out our assignments for the week. That way, everyone stays on the same page and we’re like a well-oiled, coordinated team. I think next week Gil is looking to start wire brushing this rusted pipe. Once the rust is removed, we’ll move on to a metal paint to coat it and then a second coat over it.”
Wrinkling her nose, Kai said, “I sure hope I’m sent to fix machinery,” and she grinned. Wire brushing was labor intensive on the wrangler’s part. It was hard on shoulders, joints, arms and hands. She heard Cass chuckle.
“I’ll bet you are. Come on, let’s go over to the green barn. That’s where all the equipment is kept. None of it is working, by the way.”
Rubbing her hands together, Kai grinned. “Good, that means Talon will let me do what I’m best at—being a mechanic.”
“Gil’s the one who decides,” Cass said, walking her around one corral.
“Once he gives out assignments, can you get him to change his mind?”
Cass shrugged. “He’s a pretty set dude. Even Talon can’t get him to do some things. But, hey, he’s the foreman for a reason. Right? And he came from a big Montana ranch near Billings, so he knows what he’s doing.”
There was so little Kai knew about Gil. Oh, she knew his body, but God, they didn’t talk about much during those five incredible lust-filled days. They had come together like two lost souls, hurting, full of grief, lonely and needing love. Maybe not love, Kai self-corrected. Maybe just horny as hell after no sex for a year after Sam’s death. And she knew for men, at least most of them, when they had sex, it did not equal emotion or love, like it did for a woman. Each gender came to the bedroom with different perspectives, expectations and realities, and suffered from different outcomes. That’s why Gil had walked away. For him, it was just sex. Relieving himself. For her, it was an entirely different experience; there were emotions and heart involved with him that she’d never realized until that moment. Kai wondered if she lived a life with blinders on all the time.
She pulled herself out of her rumination as Cass pushed hard and the huge hanging door grudgingly slid open. He walked in and turned on the overhead lights. What she saw was farm and ranch equipment with a lot of dust on it.
“Uh-oh,” Cass teased, leaning against the door opening, arms across his massive chest. “I see that look in your eye. Mechanics get a gleam that’s unmistakable. I’ll bet you’re just dying to get your hands on these metal monsters.” He chuckled, his grin widening.
She walked over to the John Deere tractor. All four tires were flat. Kai had a keen eye and swept over it from stem to stern. “You’re right,” she confessed with a laugh. Cass made a lot of her fear over what Gil might do to get rid of her dissolve. Once she started to work on these machines and showed Talon how quick and good she was, it wouldn’t matter what Gil said. Talon would keep her over any protests he made.
Remembering Gil’s face, that hurt that had crossed it when she’d accused him of trying to get rid of her, made Kai hesitate in her cruel judgment of him. He had always been a man of impeccable morals and values when she knew him. He was always respectful toward her, protective when Sam was away on a special mission and she was stationed at Bagram. If Gil and the rest of his team came in for a brief R & R between missions, he would always come to see her. Ask how she was. Did she need anything? That was how Delta brothers took care of their own. Not that many wives of a Delta operator were at Bagram. She was the only one.
Gil would escort her to the chow hall; they’d eat, talk about Sam and herself. Gil never once talked about himself. Kai had thought he was a closed book to the outside world. She was sure within the Delta Force brotherhood, he was much more open and forthcoming. Never once did Gil let on he was attracted to her. And then, Kai grimaced, Gil had clearly shown her, without a doubt, that all he wanted from her was sex. Instead of a one-night stand, it had developed into a five-night stand. How could she have been so blind? So stupid?
“Hey,” Cass called from the door, “I need to get back to the house. About time to set the table and start getting stuff ready for our 1800 chow hall.”
She grinned, liking his dropping into military lingo. “Everything in the kitchen smelled so good when I first arrived, I can hardly wait to eat tonight.”
Cass let his arms fall to his sides. “Don’t come late. It’s a food fight every night,” he warned her with a wicked grin.
She laughed, knowing he was teasing her. Cass was so easy to read in comparison to Gil. Moving between the hay baler and the tractor, and checking out the horse and cattle trailers, Kai knew she had her work cut out for her. Every tire would have to be replaced. That was a lot of money. Pulling out her notepad and pen, she started making notes on each machine. Moving between them, Kai got lost in the needs of each one. When she looked up later, she saw a tall, very well-built, black-haired woman coming her way. She was wearing jeans, a red long-sleeved tee and cowboy boots. Kai went out to the front of the barn to greet her.
“Hi,” Kai said, holding out her hand, “I’m Kai Tiernan.”
“Cat Holt. What are you up to?” she said, and shook her hand.
“Just taking notes,” Kai said, gesturing toward the inner barn. She liked the tall woman. She had slightly curled black hair that lay like a cloak around her proud shoulders. It was Cat’s blue eyes, large and sparkling with life, that drew Kai. “Are you just getting home from the hospital?”
Cat moved into the barn with her. “Yes.” She rubbed her long, slender hands. “It’s Friday. I have the whole weekend at the ranch and I can hardly wait to throw my leg over my horse and start riding some fence.” She grinned over at Kai. “Maybe you’d like to join me? Get a feel for the rest of our ranch?”
“I’d love to,” Kai said eagerly. There was an earthy warmth to Cat Holt and her smile was often, her eyes also kind looking, like Cass’s eyes. But then, they were both medical people and they couldn’t be in a service field career like that without a lot of compassion in them.
“Cass said that he’d lost you to the depths of the green barn,” Cat told her, walking among the equipment. “He said you had that gleam in your eye.”
Chuckling, Kai said, “Guilty as charged. My hands are positively itching to get started on getting these beasts up and running.”
“Well,” Cat warned, sliding her fingers over the John Deere tractor’s fender and gathering lots of dust on them, “our budget can’t handle all the repairs. I’m sure Gil will give you the go-ahead, most likely, on the tractor, because we really need it in service now.”
“I grew up on a ranch and I helped my dad with the accounting books,” Kai told her as they left the barn. “It’s a balancing act, for sure.”
Cat nodded. She pushed the large door shut and locked it. “Monday morning at nine o’clock, there’s a meeting in our kitchen. Cass always makes cinnamon rolls, which draws every wrangler on the ranch.” She laughed. “After everyone gets their quota of cinnamon rolls, Talon and Gil will go over the week’s assignments.”
“I love cinnamon rolls. Nothing like a hot one coming out of the oven. It sounds like you’re really organized.” She walked down the slope with Cat. Above them the sun was in the western blue sky. It was beautiful here and Kai was so grateful to have landed a job at this ranch. If only Gil weren’t here. And every night, she’d have to sit at the same table and eat with him. Her stomach tightened. Kai was already losing her appetite. When Gil put on that game face, he was a tough hombre and nobody cracked that steel facade of his. No one. Except her. During those nights of endless pleasure with him. Then, she’d seen the real man beneath it, and he had taken her breath away.
CHAPTER THREE
THE LAST PLACE Gil wanted to be at dinner was with the Holt family. He’d always looked forward to it up until tonight. Dammit, Kai was here. He was still reeling from meeting her in the barn earlier. The family sat down, Sandy at the head of the table, Cass to her right, Kai opposite him and, thank God, Talon and Cat and himself at the other end of the long trestle table. It could easily seat fourteen people for the holidays.
Gil had breathed a deep sigh of relief when Cass asked Kai to sit opposite him. Actually, it had been Sandy who requested her presence there, a good sign she liked Kai. Who wouldn’t? There was some quiet table talk, some laughter and smiles, but Gil felt like hell. He stole a glance in Kai’s direction. His whole body tightened in memory of her in his arms. Jesus, he’d never forgotten those torrid five days with her. Not that he’d tried. The look on her face when she realized it was him was one of mixed emotions. He’d seen Kai’s shock, hurt and then anger come to her face. Kai could never hide how she felt. It was one of the many things that drew him to her. Unlike himself, who was so stove up that even Cass teased him about never smiling or being more robot than human.
Gil wanted to be close to Kai. Smell her scent. Touch her skin. He remembered all of her. Every scent, every small cry of pleasure, that husky voice of hers afterward, when they were both weak and sated with one another.
He passed the glazed carrots to Cat, who thanked him. Gil wasn’t sure who was more miserable right now: Kai or himself. But for different reasons.
When the thick slices of pot roast came his way, he took an ample amount. Working ten hours a day meant loading up on protein and carbs. The huge Idaho baked potato on his plate was slathered with cheese, crumbled bacon and heavy dollops of thick sour cream.
Earlier, everyone had gone to their respective rooms, taken turns in the bathroom on the first floor, cleaning up, getting a shower and putting on a set of clean clothes before dining. Gil swore he could smell the scent of orange shampoo that Kai had used in her hair. Those thick auburn strands gleamed beneath the hurricane lamp chandelier that hung high above the long table. She looked beautiful in a pale pink sweater, a set of pale blue slacks and sensible leather shoes. The small pearl earrings adorned her delicate lobes, and he sharply remembered tasting, teasing and kissing each of them and her sensual reaction. Kai looked fragile and that hit Gil hard. The strained expression on her face was his fault. Damn, he hadn’t handled that meeting today worth shit. He hadn’t meant to get angry at her, but it hurt when she accused him of running. Well, he had. But she didn’t know the rest of the story.
Gil covertly watched her as she passed Talon a bowl of thick brown gravy, which he poured across the slabs of beef. Kai was shy, but she’d always been that way. Her mouth stirred him, and Gil inwardly groaned. Just the dainty way she ate, that full mouth of hers lush with promise, sent streaks of heat into his lower body. Harshly, he told himself there was no way to rebuild the broken bridge that loomed like the Grand Canyon between them. She saw him as an irresponsible bastard who had taken advantage of her and given nothing in return except to disappear out of her life. Dammit.
Sandy Holt gave Kai a gentle look as she nibbled haphazardly at the food Cass had put on her plate. “Kai? Tell us about your family. Where do they live?”
Kai blotted her mouth with the pink linen napkin and told them. She looked at all of them as she spoke and tried to avoid Gil’s stormy, narrowed look, her voice faltering slightly.
“And how many in your family?” Sandy inquired.
“I have one older brother, Steve.”
“Did he go into the military like you?”
Kai shook her head. “No, he loved ranching and Dad wanted Steve to stay there to teach him how to run it.”
“Well,” Sandy said, patting her arm in a motherly fashion, “you served your country and we’re all grateful for your service. You need to know that.”
Gil saw a faint blush touch Kai’s sloped cheeks. The ache in his chest intensified. Even though she did a man’s job, she was excruciatingly feminine. Oh, he knew she wore her hair short, but hell, with the heat in Afghanistan, over a hundred degrees every day in the summer, he didn’t blame her. There was a wishful part of him that wondered what her auburn hair that glinted with gold and burgundy beneath the lamplight would feel like as he sifted his fingers through those strands once more. He remembered those silky textures and he felt himself hardening. Not what he wanted at a dinner table.
The woman had always made him want her from the moment Sam had introduced Kai proudly to him. It was the darkest, deepest secret he’d kept from his best friend. And Gil would never have told Sam that he wanted Kai for his own. That just wasn’t going to happen. He’d loved Sam like a brother and they’d gone through many years as operators, saving one another’s ass. Even today, when he thought of Sam, he missed him. And he was glad he’d never given one hint of how much he desired Kai. Neither of them knew his secret.
“Gil?”
He looked up, jerking out of his dark, heated thoughts. Sandy smiled sweetly at him. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I asked if you were going to take Kai around our ranch tomorrow. You know? Ride the fence line? Let her get a feel for our place?”
“Oh,” Cat said enthusiastically, “I had already asked Kai if she’d go for a ride tomorrow morning with me.”
Gil felt relief. He wasn’t prepared to spend quality time with Kai. Not yet. “That’s fine, Cat,” he told her. “I got a lot to do Saturday morning.” Gil glanced up to see the look in Kai’s large gray eyes. She was relieved, too. Obviously, she wanted nothing to do with him. His heart twinged with guilt. And gut-wrenching regret.
Zeke whined. He lay on his doggie bed in the living room, his black ears perked up, eyes shining hopefully at the group sitting at the table.
Kai turned and looked at the beautiful seventy-pound male dog. She looked over at Talon, who was scowling in Zeke’s direction. “Is he begging?”
Grumping, Talon said, “Yes. My wife made the mistake of giving him a piece of her sandwich at noon one day here at the table and he’s never forgotten it. So now—” Talon gave his wife a wry look “—Zeke sits on his bed and whines dramatically from the living room, hoping to snag someone who has a soft heart who will give him some food.”
Cat smiled and gave her husband a teasing look. “I don’t know why you don’t let us spoil Zeke. You said yourself he’s been happy since coming home. And so are you, hmm?”
Talon nodded. “You make me happy. Zeke is on his own.”
The table rolled with chuckles.
“I know what will get Zeke’s attention,” Cass said. “Get him a playmate.”
Talon groaned. “Zeke doesn’t know how to play, Cass. You of all people should know that. He’s a trained combat dog. He doesn’t know what it means to relax and play.”
Cass shrugged easily. “So? Un-train him. Get him a puppy playmate. I’ll bet he’s lonely. Or—” he gave Talon a wicked look “—how about a nice female Belgian Malinois girlfriend? I’ll bet Zeke will forget all about scraps at the dinner table. And, hey! How about a litter of puppies?”
The table burst out into good-natured laughter.
Even Gil grinned a little and shook his head. “Cass, you’re a rebel at heart. Always stirring up trouble.”
“Thank you,” he said. Turning, he checked Sandy’s dinner plate. “Now, Sandy, you have to finish off those last two pieces of beef.”
Sandy gave him a stricken look. “I’m just not hungry, Cass. Let’s give them to Zeke.”
Talon gave his mother a panicked look. “Mom...”
“Well, maybe not Zeke,” Sandy said quickly, seeing her son’s consternation. Giving Cass a pleading look, she said, “I’ve finished everything else. Isn’t that good enough?”
“That’s true, you did, and I’m proud of you,” Cass murmured. “But protein is going to build your muscles back, Sandy. You said to me this afternoon you longed to go ride a horse. And I’ll go out and saddle two horses and we’ll do just that after you get that muscle back.” Cass picked up her fork, spearing one piece of meat and holding it up to her lips. “This is the way to do it. Just think of meat as a fast way to throw a leg over that horse you’re dreaming about riding.”
Sandy wrinkled her nose, surrendered and delicately took the proffered meat off the fork he held.
“Great,” Cass praised her, spearing the last one. “Just one more?”
Gil hid his smile. Cass could charm anyone into doing anything. Special Forces operators knew how to manipulate, that was for damned sure. He saw Sandy give him a sour look, pout, but then reluctantly take the last bite of meat from the fork. Cass knew nothing about cancer or the journey she’d been on twice now until Talon had hired him. Gil could starkly see what the treatment of chemo and radiation did to the woman. Sandy was in a very fragile condition and Cass had been a brilliant hire, but then, Talon had worked with him in Afghanistan and knew his stellar qualities. And Cass had been a good choice because Sandy was tired of feeling bad and depressed due to the chemo and radiation treatments. Every time Cass gently cajoled her, Sandy brightened a little because she was one of those women who would turn themselves inside out for a man who had kindness in his soul. And Cass, being a medic, was the perfect foil.
Gil’s heart jolted as his gaze drifted to Kai, who had a concerned look on her face for Sandy. Yeah, she wore her heart on her sleeve, too, even though Kai wasn’t a medic. He remembered she’d rescued an Afghan puppy who was barely six weeks old, found a glass baby bottle with a nipple and fed it milk from the chow hall. She’d loved that little puppy. And then, six months later in a mortar attack, it got killed. He learned about it when he’d sought her out after Rob had died. She’d cried over the loss of the puppy. There was always nothing but loss in Afghanistan, he thought grimly. That country took everything away from everyone. Even his brother. Her husband, Sam. He hated the place.
Just the softness in Kai’s face, how relaxed she looked, grabbed at Gil’s heart. He remembered that look and it was starting to make him ache for her in his arms again.
Kai was easily touched by everything. And it was all there in her expression. He wished he could be like her instead of being so damned emotionally locked up. Kai had sucked the poison out of him, the rabid grief eating him alive after his brother Rob had died in that firefight. Her care, her nurturing, her maternal abilities, had withdrawn those toxic emotions from his soul and she’d healed him with her tenderness, care and love in those five days.
Scowling, Gil felt guilt eating him alive. Kai was at this table. With him. Jesus, he wanted to apologize, to tell her he was sorry for what he’d done to her. But there were no second chances after his actions. That sent a pain so deep into his heart, his soul, that he couldn’t suppress it even if he’d wanted to.
“Talon,” Cat said, “have you paired Kai with Zeke yet?”
“No,” he muttered, finishing everything on his plate. “I’ll do that after dinner.”
“I love dogs,” Kai told them wistfully, turning and giving Zeke a warm gaze.
“Well,” Talon warned her, “he’s not your average, friendly, lick-your-hand dog. He was highly trained for three years before he was given to me to go into combat with. He takes delight in bringing down Taliban, crunching bones and keeping them in one place until we can get there to flex cuff them.”
Cat gave her husband a pleading look. “Darling? We’re at the dinner table?”
Kai saw Talon blush, his cheeks turning ruddy. “My fault,” she told everyone in apology. “I did see combat assault dogs at Bagram from time to time. And you’re right, Talon, they aren’t your next-door neighbor’s dog.”
“Well,” Sandy piped up, “I would love Zeke to have a mate! I’d love having puppies around here. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”
Groaning, Talon shook his head. “Mom, you don’t know what you’re asking. Zeke’s breeding is as a highly aggressive guard dog. He’d throw puppies just like him and most people don’t know how to deal with that kind of energy and focus. They wouldn’t make good house pets, believe me.”
“Maybe,” Cass suggested, giving Sandy a warm look, “get him a male puppy friend? Someone he can bond with, then?”
Talon shrugged. “I’ve seen combat assault dogs out in the field when another male dog comes around them. They chew the hell out of them and damned near kill them. They’re very territorial. Zeke will be the same way.”
Sandy frowned. “Do you think he’d kill a little male puppy, Talon?”
“I don’t know, Mom. He might. I was never in villages where there were scruffy mutts around he could interact with. Zeke’s focus was on chasing Taliban down in the valleys and up into the mountains.”
Kai gave Sandy a kind look. “Do you want a dog of some kind?”
“We used to have a beautiful golden retriever when Talon was growing up. Goldy was her name. My first husband, Gardener, had bought her as a pup for me on our first wedding anniversary. Goldy just doted on Talon after he was born. And I love all animals, so yes, I think I’d love to get another golden retriever.”
Talon put his head down, paying attention to the food on his plate.
Kai smiled gently and touched Sandy’s hand. “Maybe it will happen someday.”
Cat chimed in, “I’d love to have a second dog around here, Talon. Zeke always goes with you, wherever you are. He’s your dog. Couldn’t we have a general dog that just hangs around, licks our hands and is happy to keep us company? And he could stay with Sandy. I don’t see a dog hurting her recovery.”
Talon gave everyone a distressed glance. “Maybe. It means I have to take time out of my schedule to get Zeke familiarized with another dog in order to see how he reacts to him.”
Cat gave him a happy smile. “That would be wonderful! I’d just love to have an ordinary dog around here, someone you could go riding with.” She glanced at Sandy. “Why, maybe even have that dog stay in your bedroom at night when you sleep. Keep you company.”
Sandy glowed. “I’d like that a lot. Goldy lay on the rug at the end of our bed. And in the morning, she would wake us up by licking our hands or faces or whatever she could reach.” She smiled fondly over those memories.
Gil could tell that Talon had lost the battle and the war. His boss was grimacing as he ate, saying nothing, keeping a low profile. It was obvious Talon wanted to please his excited wife, her eyes shining with the possibility of a puppy in the house. And Talon’s mother looked at her son with the same expectation and joy. Talon was gruff, but the women in his life ruled him. And maybe, Gil thought, that’s what love did to a man. It made him want to keep the woman he loved happy. In this case, Talon had two women to keep smiling, for different reasons.