Let Me Hold You

Alana took another long swallow and stared into the mug like it was a Magic 8-Ball or some other kind of oracle. “Did I do something stupid last night that I don’t recall?”

“No, you were actually behaving like the Alana that I’ve always loved and admired and tried to emulate. You’ve been my role model since the day I was born. We practically shared the same womb,” Adrienne said with a grin.

It was true; Alana and Adrienne were born only ten months apart, and were as close as twins in a lot of ways, even physically, although Adrienne was a lot more bohemian than Alana. Alana’s style tended to be more classic while her younger sister wore avant-garde garb of her own design. She was a much sought-after costume designer in Hollywood and she looked the part.

Alana’s relaxed hair was worn in a sleek shoulder-length bob, while Adrienne’s hair was worn in wild spiraling curls. She also wore glasses because she couldn’t be bothered with contact lenses, and she always managed to find stunningly fashionable ones that showed off her eyes instead of hiding them.

The sisters were the same height and size, although Adrienne was heavier now that she was entering the second trimester of her pregnancy. She’d thought she was pregnant back in February when Alexis got married, but it had been a false alarm. This time it was the real deal. She was definitely with child, a child she was sure was a boy, even before the ultrasound had proved her to be correct.

“Why in the world would you want to be like me? I’m completely and totally boring. I think your hormones are making you a little crazy,” Alana said as she put the mug on her nightstand. She picked up a bottle of Au Lait body lotion and began applying it to her legs before continuing.

“You’re avoiding my question,” she said sternly. “What did I do last night? I’m having a problem remembering some details, like how my clothes got strewn all over the living room.”

“You didn’t do anything scandalous, if that’s what you mean. You were a little frisky, no doubt due to the amount of champagne you had, but all you did was dance a lot. And you took some cute pictures with Roland.”

“Cute pictures? What cute pictures?” Alana demanded as she took off her robe to finish putting on lotion.

Adrienne gladly handed her the strips from the photo booth and sat back to watch her reaction. She didn’t have long to wait as Alana’s cheeks turned red and her eyes got huge.

“Good Lord. I forgot all about these,” she mumbled. “Was I drunk or what? How did I get home? Did I make a fool out of myself?”

Adrienne laughed at the look on her sister’s face. “I brought you home because Roland took his parents back to the hotel. On the way home you started singing and you kept on singing when we got to the house. Then you started dancing through the living room, tossing your clothes. It was pretty cute. Actually, you were singing ‘I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas’ and it was hilarious.”

Alana made a scornful noise and continued her grooming routine, putting body butter on her feet, elbows and knees. “You’re just making things up to get on my nerves. I don’t remember doing anything of the kind. I had a little to drink but not that much. I certainly would’ve remembered a performance like that,” she said haughtily. Holding her towel tightly, she went into her walk-in closet and emerged wearing a lacy pink bra and matching thong.

Adrienne was waiting for her, holding out her smartphone. Alana leaned over to get a good look at it and squealed when she saw the video playing on the screen. There she was in all her giddy glory, singing loud and off-key as her clothes went flying.

“How do you delete this?” Alana turned the phone over and over, examining all the buttons. “If this ends up on your Facebook page, I’ll get you,” she vowed.

“I was thinking more like YouTube,” Adrienne teased. “Or that funny video show on TV. We could make some money, honey.”

Alana tossed the phone to her unrepentant sister and went back to the closet for jeans and a sweater. Adrienne continued to talk to her while she dressed.

“You didn’t do anything really crazy last night. You were acting like a normal, happy, sexy woman. I love these photo booth pictures because they’re you, the real you. I was so happy to see you dancing through the house last night without a care in the world because that’s how you should be. There’s nothing wrong with being with a delicious man who’s obviously interested in you. I haven’t seen you like this since...” Her voice trailed away for a moment and then she finished. “Since Sam died. You deserve to start living again, Sissie.”

Alana picked up her mug and drained the rest of her coffee, which was now stone-cold and tasted like prune juice. “I’m hungry. Are you hungry? C’mon, I’ll make you some breakfast,” she said as she abruptly left the room.

Adrienne sighed deeply as she watched her sister depart, but in seconds she was right on her heels. She found her in the kitchen staring into the refrigerator. “I already made some scones, all you have to do is make an omelet if you feel up to it,” she said hopefully.

“Sure, no problem. Are you eating meat these days or what?”

“If it’s smaller than me and can’t get away, I’ll devour it, whatever it is. I’m gonna be as big as a house in a few weeks,” Adrienne said as she rubbed her still-tiny belly.

Alana emerged from the refrigerator with eggs, cream, cheese, scallions, mushrooms and sausage. “Can you get me a red pepper and that package of bacon, please?”

“Only if you talk to me,” Adrienne said, but she opened the door to get the items. “You can’t shut me out because you know I’ll wear you down.”

Alana busied herself chopping and slicing and getting out the skillets. Her kitchen was large, orderly and well-stocked; it looked like a place where a person could get some serious cooking done. To forestall a spate of wheedling from her persistent sister, she began talking as she put the sausage on to brown.

“Look, Adrienne, there’s nothing to talk about, really. Nothing much has changed around here. I’m still working hard and that’s about it. If you want to talk about changes, Alexis is your girl. She’s the newlywed and the expectant mother. And you’ve got your own little bun in the oven. Isn’t that enough of a change for you?”

Adrienne reached for a piece of the bright red sweet pepper before answering. “We can talk about me anytime. I want to know how you’re doing. I know how hard the holidays are for you, that’s why you always come out to California to stay with me, or you go to New York to stay with Aunt BeBe. But since we’re both here you won’t be able to hide out like you usually do. Don’t you think we should talk about that?”

Alana cracked the eggs on the side of the glass bowl with amazing accuracy and a bit more force than normal. She poured in some cream and shook in salt, pepper and paprika before picking up the whisk and beating them into a fluffy froth.

It was true; Alana had a lot of difficulty with the holidays these days. Ever since her husband had died the week before Christmas, all she could think about at this time of year was losing the love of her life.

It was so unfair; it was so wrong that he’d died so young. There were times when she knew deep in her soul that she was doomed to be alone forever. No one could ever take his place in her heart or her life and that was just the way it was going to be. She’d be a lonely widow for the rest of her life and spend all her time and money doting on the nieces and nephews she was sure to accumulate.

With three younger sisters and several sister-friends, she knew that she’d be blessed with many children in her life one way or the other. Giving herself a sharp mental kick in the head, she forced herself to focus on the here and now and to stop being neurotic. Alana had no patience with weak and whiny people, and she wasn’t about to turn into one herself, especially now.

She always pretended that everything was well in her world, but it was really hard to keep up the façade in the middle of all the celebrating. Her family was big on Christmas and she just didn’t have it in her to celebrate anymore. It was easier to head for sunny California and hide out with Adrienne because her younger sister understood the situation better than anyone else. But this year Adrienne was here in Columbia and she had no reason to hide out in LA. Nor could she take refuge in New York with her mother’s sister who was her other haven in the storm of emotions that arose every Christmas.

She did, however, have a way of deflecting her sister’s interrogation by changing the subject to Adrienne’s situation, which she did.

“Do you mind setting the table for us? These will be finished in about two minutes. And I think a much better topic for us to discuss is my future nephew that you’re carrying. This is going to mean some big changes for you,” Alana reminded her sister. “Are you ready for this new life?”

Adrienne smiled as she assembled the plates and silverware to lay out on the table. “This wasn’t what I thought was going to happen, that’s for sure. But yes, I’m ready. I have a new life inside me and since the original scenario didn’t play out as planned, I’ve switched to plan B and I’m very cool with it.”

“You’re a better woman than I am, then. Because I’d be lining up lawyers from here to Timbuktu,” Alana said with a frown as she expertly flipped a plump, golden omelet and slid it onto the plate that Adrienne handed her. “You agreed to be a surrogate mother to help out your friend Sierra and then she and her husband up and get divorced. Now neither one of them wants the baby and you’re left holding the diaper bag. And you’re okay with that?”

Adrienne shrugged as she buttered a scone. “I was remarkably naive and way too eager to play fairy godmother, no pun intended. But the baby didn’t ask for any of this and I owe it to him to be a good, stable mother. And to be totally honest I was kinda getting baby fever anyway,” she admitted. “I was making goo-goo eyes at every baby I saw and dreaming about being pregnant night after night. My biological clock was going tick-tick-tick and despite the circumstances, I’m quite happy about becoming a mom. It was obviously meant to be,” she said calmly.

Alana raised her eyebrows and stared at Adrienne. She was sitting across the table in the sunny kitchen looking as though she didn’t have a care in the world while she was carrying a baby that wasn’t hers. Adrienne had always been the laid-back sister with the most open-minded outlook on life, but to be so accepting and cheerful in the midst of all this potential drama bordered on the unbelievable. Adrienne read her thoughts as usual and gave her a cheeky grin.

“Don’t try to understand me, just love me. I’m very happy. I have a ton of money saved from the last two movies I did and I have full medical insurance. When my stuff gets here from LA, I’m going to move into Alexis’s house and gestate until my little boy is born. I’ve got this, Sissie. Don’t worry about me.”

Alana sipped her second giant mug of coffee as she studied her sister’s pretty face, which was completely serene. She was so absorbed in her examination that she almost missed Adrienne’s next words.

“So that’s enough deflection for the morning. Let’s get back to you,” she said, pointing at Alana with a piece of scone. “You can’t make your annual yuletide trip to see me in Cali since I’m right here underfoot. You also can’t hide out in New York with Aunt BeBe, because she’s here, too. I think it’s a sign that you need to do something completely different this year. This is the year that you cleanse all the angst and regret from your soul and begin to live again. I suggest you start with that hot hunk Roland Casey. He really likes you, Sissie. I had a dream about you two last night and it revealed to me that he’s your soul mate,” she confided.

A giant spew of coffee across the table was Alana’s response, followed by coughing and sputtering as she wiped her mouth with her cloth napkin and then began wiping up the spray of coffee.

“Overreacting much?” Adrienne smiled drolly. “You know my dreams always come true, so I suggest you get ready for some happy holidays, Sis.”

Alana’s reply was both profane and short, which only made Adrienne laugh. “If you’re not going to eat that, can I have the rest of it? Your nephew is hungry.”

Shoving her plate towards her greedy sister, Alana finished wiping the table and got up for more coffee.

It would have been easy to ignore Adrienne, but she was right about one thing. Her dreams were often uncannily accurate and the fact that they had both dreamed about Roland could mean something that she wasn’t ready to handle, not for Christmas, New Year’s or any other holiday.

* * *

Across town, Roland awoke in great spirits. He’d also had some stimulating dreams about Alana, but unlike her, he enjoyed every minute.

He stretched lazily in the bed and thought about the previous evening’s activities with a smile on his face. After months of lusting in his heart for Alana Sharp Dumond he’d made real progress with her at the reception. For once she’d been open and receptive to him all night instead of being friendly but evasive.

He’d first laid eyes on her at an early-morning surprise birthday party for Alexis and she’d been side-stepping him ever since. She was always friendly and pleasant when they were in a group, but whenever he asked her out, she had other plans.

He’d been on the verge of crossing her off his to-do list permanently until she’d finally let her guard down. Once he got to hold her the way a man is supposed to hold a woman, she’d melted into his arms and he knew that Alana wasn’t indifferent to him. From her immediate reaction to his touch and especially his kiss, she was as interested in him as he was in her.

Throwing back the covers, he rose from the big bed in the loft apartment he’d inherited from Jared after Jared and Alexis had moved into their spacious new house. Roland had liked the loft and the building that housed it so much that he’d bought the whole thing after he’d moved to Columbia. Real estate was a side venture of his and he never missed an opportunity for a lucrative deal. Since there was obviously going to be steady movement between Chicago and Columbia while he and the VanBurens expanded their restaurant empire, it made sense to own some living space in the city.

After his customary long stretches to limber up, Roland went to the bathroom to shower and shave, blithely ignoring his cell phone as he did so. He knew it was one or another of his sisters calling to bug him about when they would leave for Chicago and he needed a long shower and a large cup of coffee before dealing with them. He was driving the family home that day so they could celebrate the holidays with his grandparents, who hadn’t made the trip down with them.

Turning on the water full blast, he stepped into the shower and cleared everything from his thoughts except Alana as he scrubbed his body under the hot spray.

She had everything he wanted in a woman; she was smart, she had a great personality and a good sense of humor. And as a bonus she was gorgeous. He’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that he liked the way she looked, her beauty was a part of her as much as her intellect and ambition. There was something about Alana that drew him in like the song of a siren and he couldn’t wait to explore that part of her more intimately.

Roland was spoiled by the women in his life, there was no doubting it. He was used to the ladies lining up to get with him, as egotistical as that may have seemed. He’d always been a good-looking guy as well as being a star athlete until a knee injury derailed his college career. But unlike many athletes, Roland didn’t fall into depression and despair because he had always had a back-up plan to insure a steady income.

Besides the restaurant business, which was extremely profitable, Roland had a solid investment portfolio. His stepfather was CEO of an investment firm and he’d taught Roland and his siblings the importance of financial stability and Roland had shown a real gift for funds management. He was a triple-threat as far as women were concerned; handsome, sexy and rich and he never lacked for female companionship.

Lately, though, he’d been looking for something more substantial in his life. It had crept up on him gradually, this feeling that there was something more to life than wining, dining and bedding the beauty of the week. The feeling got more intense every time he was around Alana and he wanted to explore it to its fullest.

He turned off the shower and was about to leave the glassed-in stall when he heard a familiar voice calling to him from the living room.

“Don’t come out here naked, you’ve got company.”

He jumped and then groaned loudly. It was his nosy sister Pamela. He’d made a mistake in giving his parents the keys to his loft since she’d obviously appropriated them.

“What have I told you about coming over when you’re not invited,” he yelled at her. “You’re gonna get mistaken for a prowler and shot in the head if you don’t watch yourself.”

A chorus of giggles was all he heard as he went into the bedroom and dressed quickly in what he considered his driving clothes, a comfortable navy jogging suit that fitted his muscular body perfectly. The outfit looked fashionable and expensive. He carried his cashmere socks and his Italian driving moccasins into the living room and glared at Pam, who was in the kitchen brewing a pot of coffee.

“Why are you here?” he asked irritably.

“I came over to call shotgun,” she said cheerfully. “Unlike everyone else, I packed last night and I’m ready to roll. You know how impatient I am. I can’t stand being in the middle of a lot of last-minute scampering around. So I left. Where are your cups?”

He grudgingly showed her the cupboard where they were stored and sat on a bar stool to don his footwear. Despite her proclivity for making mischief, Pamela was a very organized person who was always focused on her tasks, which explained why she was ready to go while the rest of the family was still making preparations to leave the hotel.

Pam put coffee in front of him along with a plate containing a warm bagel with cream cheese and lox that she’d picked up on the way to the loft and he had to forgive her intrusion, especially when she offered to pack his bags for him. She traveled extensively in her job and she was the family pro when it came to putting a suitcase together. That didn’t mean she would do it quietly, however.

“So why didn’t you ask Alana to come with us to Chicago?” she asked. “I know you’re gonna miss her while you’re gone.”

“Pamela, is there any chance that you could mind your own business for a change?”

She looked thoughtful for a moment and shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. It’s too out of character for me. I like knowing what’s going on in everyone’s lives. That’s why I’m a reporter, duh.”

Zipping his garment bag closed, she dusted her hands together and announced that she was finished. “We can stop by Alana’s to say good-bye before we go to the hotel,” she said with a dimpled grin. “Then you can lay another hot kiss on her before you disappear. That way she’ll be longing for you to come back and you can pick up where you left off.”

For one wild hot second, Roland thought about doing just that, but reason took over. There was no way in hell he was going to try to cop a few greedy kisses with his notoriously big-mouthed baby sister at his elbow with her handy smartphone. He would have been more than happy to grab Alana and kiss her senseless because she had the most tantalizing lips he’d ever tasted, but he wanted privacy. The concept of privacy was totally foreign to Pam.

“Just try minding your own business for five minutes, won’t you please? It can be my Christmas present,” he said as he picked up his bags and urged her to the door.

“Seriously? You mean I could’ve saved all the money I spent on you? Maybe I can return it,” she said. “No, on second thought, I like getting in your business. I still say you should run by Alana’s before we leave and give her something to remember you by. It’s like bookmarking your favorite site on the internet.”

Roland swung his overnight bag so that it hit her square in the tush. When she squeaked in outrage he mumbled, “I’d like to bookmark you. Only I’d fold you in half and stick you in a dictionary right between pest and pestilence. Let’s go, woman, we’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”

Chapter 3

The holidays were finally over and Alana couldn’t have been more relieved. Actually, it wasn’t as bad as she’d anticipated, but she was glad to see the last of the decorations disappear until next year. She stayed busy the whole time and all the activity proved to be her salvation. Between the last-minute shopping and the cooking and cleaning, she really didn’t have too many spare moments to dwell on her own pain.

She had to help clean Alexis’s old house from top to bottom in preparation for Adrienne moving in, but that was no big deal since Alexis kept a spotless home. Her family had their big meal and gift exchange on Christmas Eve, because they were all going to cook and serve dinner at Jared’s restaurant on Christmas day. It was a tradition he’d started in Chicago; all of his restaurants were open to anyone who wanted to come in for a festive meal at no charge. It was nice to have something positive to do that would take a lot of energy and focus, so she welcomed the opportunity to help.

There was a lot to keep her mind occupied between Christmas and New Year’s Day, and she was grateful. There were casual gatherings at her mother’s house, as well as an open house at Alexis and Jared’s. She got to spend time with David Stratton, who’d been a really close friend before they’d gone off to college in two different states.

She even had two more houseguests to entertain, Sugar and Sweetie, the two Westies that belonged to Sherri Stratton’s little girl. When Sherri and Lucas went on their honeymoon, his parents took Sydney to Disneyworld and Alana gladly babysat the little dogs.

Alexis had two Welsh corgis of her own, plus she and Jared took care of the elder VanBurens’ corgis while they were on their trip.

It was a nice change for Alana to have the little terriers around the house because she loved dogs and she couldn’t have one while she’d been married due to Sam’s allergies. When she remembered this holiday she’d remember a lot of laughter, barking and eating, as well as a lot of fun.

But she was truly glad to see the last of the old year and more than ready to charge into the new year. The only thing that was bugging her right now was the dreams she kept having, night after night.

Alana didn’t sleep well; she hadn’t for years. She’d toss and turn for hours before drifting into a fitful sleep and when she did drop off, she would have nocturnal visits from Sam. She’d had dreams about him ever since she’d lost him and she usually woke up in tears of frustration, especially when it was one of those dreams from their past where everything was the way it used to be.

But now the dreams were taking off into another dimension altogether. She’d wake up in tears and if she could slip back into slumber she’d be treated to what seemed like hours of intensely erotic dreams, all featuring Roland. The wicked scenes of steamy sex with him were bad enough, but in addition to the sex, there were moments of tender romance so vivid that she would wake up moaning his name.

It was a mess, that’s what it was. During the day she was cool, collected and in control, but her nights were leaving her disoriented, disheveled and totally distraught. Or as close to distraught as she cared to come to in this lifetime. It would have made sense for her to confide in someone, but Alana didn’t even consider it. It was too embarrassing, too raw and too strange for her to verbalize. She didn’t notice that the strain was beginning to show in her face, but others did.

It was a sunny morning and she was sitting at her desk in the office behind the showroom of Custom Classics, going over the week’s schedule. A tap on the door preceded the entrance of Tolerance Taylor, her part-time IT specialist and full-time friend. Tolerance was known as Tollie to everyone and she was always in a great mood, smiling and talkative.