A Regency Virgin's Undoing

Chapter Five

Thank you, Lady Drusilla. As you please, my lady. Even as John walked back to help unhitch the horses from the coach, the voice in his head mocked him. In taking this trip, hadn’t he been planning to get out from under the thumbs of attractive and unattainable women? He’d only just got clear of Emily. And now, this.

When he’d realised that there was no space at the inn, he should have offered to pig up with the cit instead of carrying the farce any further. But he’d been drunk and querulous and the man annoyed him more than the girl.

Of course, it had been fortunate that he’d got time alone with Lady Drusilla Rudney and found a way to make himself invaluable. The Duke of Benbridge was terribly high in the instep; a letter of thanks from him would be a welcome addition to his references. But there would be no glowing recommendations if he was caught playing chamber games with the duke’s lovely daughter.

Only moments after he’d accepted her offer of employment, he’d got a look at those shapely calves bared as the stockings came off and begun to regret the whole plan. When he’d managed to sleep, he’d dreamt of her. And he’d woken with a morning’s desire, hurrying from the room before she could notice and enquire.

He had avoided her at breakfast, drinking strong black coffee to dull the after-effects of the gin and keeping busy with the plans for their departure. Then he had taken his place beside her to prevent the other man from encroaching upon her space. The carriage rocked her against his body in a way that would have been pleasant had not his role as her brother prevented any enjoyment. To curb the effect her nearness had on his nerves and body, he’d been forced to close his eyes and sink into the headache still plaguing him.

It disgusted him that his resolve to forswear all women and live in solitude had not even lasted as long as his inebriation. But he could hardly be blamed; the cit in the carriage had been panting after her as well and he had not been forced to share a bed with her. Lady Drusilla was a damned attractive woman, but seemed unaware of the effect she had on the men around her, wandering about alone and putting her virtue at risk. Any feelings John had for her were not a symptom of fickleness. They were proof that he was male.

But when she’d said she had an ‘understanding’ with the gentleman they were chasing, his first thought had been, At least you are not yet married. As if that would matter. Even if she was unattached, she was a duke’s daughter and he was the bastard of who knew who.

Of course, she had said her Gervaise was a plain mister and not the Marquis of Gretna Green. It seemed that if the lady’s heart was engaged, a title was not required. And John knew himself to be a better man in one respect. No matter what the circumstances of his birth, at least he was not the sort who made promises to one lady and ran for the border with another.

He had half a mind to thrash sense into this Gervaise fellow for running off on her. Though Lady Dru’s tongue was sharp, she deserved better. That John would find himself rushing her north and into the arms of such a lacklustre lover was an even sharper irony. It was too like the part he’d played in the reconciliation of Emily and her husband.

He’d told himself often enough that his own parentage was not a reflection of his worth as a man. But when given a chance to test the theory, society always proved the opposite. And if Lady Dru was eager enough for her Mr Gervaise to set off cross country without a feather to fly on, hoping to win him back, then she would not be interested in some itinerant gentleman she met in the coach, even if that man was unwise enough to take a fancy to her.

Which he did not mean to do. John thought of a certain amiable widow who lived near the Folbroke country estate. It had been some months since his last visit to her. The extended period of celibacy must be addling his brain. Though he never seemed to be the target of it, the haze of feminine lust around his recent employers had raised something in him that was nothing more than envy disguised as infatuation and a desire to take care of natural and unmet needs.

When the carriage had got stuck, as he’d known it would, it had been almost a relief to exercise some of demons from his brain with pushing on the thing. Of course, to do it he had taken his employer in his arms and taken her to high ground, which had only made things worse. She was curvy under the simple gown she wore. And she had clung to his neck as though she’d enjoyed it, her red lips parted in surprise at how easily he’d carried her. He’d set her down quickly, out of the mud, before she could notice her lapse and his impropriety. If she spotted it, she would scold him for it, putting up barriers of rank and bad temper that were not the least bit threatening, once one knew her.

Strangely, he felt he did know her. Perhaps he was reading too much into the intent way she looked at him, or how easy it had been to talk to her on the previous evening, when they had been alone and no one could hear.

Then there had been that moment of awkwardness she’d displayed earlier, when she’d said she had not danced at Almack’s. She must have meant that she had no permission to waltz and that she would not have been so rude as to slight any partner. For a moment, it had almost sounded as though she was woefully inexperienced in the arts of society and had some personal reason not to give him up when he’d held her.

He shook his head. He was dreaming again. If he was fortunate, at the end of the journey he would find a Scottish widow sympathetic to his plight, and he would regain his equilibrium.

As he led the horses back to Lady Dru, he put on his most proper and deferential air, getting clear in his own mind the distance between them and the relationship they must have: respectful courtesy on his part and complete indifference on hers.

She looked dubiously at the horses, which were probably not the fine bloods to which she was accustomed.

‘You have experience enough to ride, do you not?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ she answered, although her tone did not make her sound the least bit sure. ‘But I did not pack a habit.’

He almost sighed in relief to hear the sort of clothes-obsessed response he’d expected from a smart young lady of the ton, foolish and easily dismissed. ‘There is no place to change into it, even if you had it.’ He gave her an encouraging smile. ‘In any case, there will not be room enough to take much luggage. You will have to make do with a single bag; the rest will travel north to meet you when you reach your destination.’

‘I do not have more than that now,’ she said, glaring at him again. ‘I left in rather a hurry and am not such a great ninny that I wasted what time I had in packing band boxes.’

Damn. ‘Of course, my lady.’

Then she whispered more urgently, ‘But, Mr Hendricks, there is a problem. This saddle is … wrong.’

‘You are referring to the lack of a side saddle?’ he asked. ‘Coach horses are not generally equipped for a lady’s Sunday ride. These are accustomed to having a postillion, so at least we will not have to worry about being thrown into the dirt. But I cannot promise more than that.’

Such an enormous beast would frighten a normal woman to tears, but his employer was staring at the horse with a raised chin and a dark look. Then she stared back at the saddle with apprehension. ‘But what am I to do?’

There, at last, he saw the frightened girl under the iron façade. Perhaps this trip was not as easy as she made it out to be. He tried to hide his smile at the well-bred delicacy that thought spreading her legs was more risky than breaking her neck on a coach horse. ‘You must weigh your desire for further rapid progress against the need to retain your modesty in the wilds of the country, where no one will see you.’ He hoped she would take the more sensible choice, but knew that she would not.

‘I cannot ride astride,’ she said, finally, ‘but I must continue north.’

‘Then you can balance on your hip as best you can with no pommel to hold on to. Or we can use one horse for the luggage and you may ride with me.’ It would be faster than walking the horses so that she did not slip from the saddle, but it would mean that he would have to hold her close as they travelled, which would be awkward in ways she could not possibly imagine.

She stared back at him, brow smooth, eyes cool, chin raised and lips narrowed. ‘It cannot be helped, I suppose.’ The expression put him firmly in his place, assuring him that the ride would not be a pleasant one for either of them.

And yet … He thought for a moment that he saw a fluttering in the pulse of her neck and a nervous swallow. And the faintest of pink flushes to her cheek. Then it was gone.

He cursed his wayward imagination and mounted the larger of the two horses, then offered her a hand up. To assure her, he said, ‘Let us go a short way and see how we manage. You need have no concern for your safety, for I am an excellent horseman.’

‘I know you will not let me fall,’ she said. Her confidence in his abilities would have pleased him had it not been delivered in a testy voice, as though she’d just as soon be dropped upon her head than share his saddle. But she sat before him comfortably enough, posture good, and an arm about his waist with a grip that was firm and not the least bit missish.

It took only a few miles for him to begin wishing she’d taken the other choice. It was nice to ride with her—far too nice. She fit easily into the space before him, her soft hip pressed into his thigh as though it belonged there. As he spurred the horse, wisps of her fine black hair escaped from her bonnet and whipped in the breeze, teasing the skin of his cheeks. It was a tickling sweetness, bringing with it a whiff of cologne that made him want to lean forwards and bury his face in the side of her throat. He had to work to stifle the urge to loosen the bonnet and free the rest of it to let it stream in the wind.

He wished he was in a position to make conversation with her, for it might have helped to pass the time and occupy his mind in anything other than the scent of her hair.

‘Who are you?’ The words came from her suddenly, with no preamble. And then she stopped herself, probably shocked at sounding ridiculous, nonsensical and, worst of all, rude.

But she was unaware of what a blessed relief it was to him.

‘I am John Hendricks, as I have already told you. I worked for the Earl of Folbroke as a personal secretary.’

She relaxed a little as though she’d been bracing for some sort of harsh retort. It made him wonder at the sort of conversation she was accustomed to, if a simple question was not met with a polite answer.

‘But I think that is not what you are asking me,’ he said. ‘I would be happy to answer you in detail, if you would clarify your meaning.’

‘How did you come to be who you are? Who are your people? Where did you come from?’ And again he felt her tense, as though she were expecting ridicule. It made him want to reach out and offer physical comfort of some kind—a touch on the shoulder, a word in her ear urging her to relax in his company. Or, worse yet, to ask similar questions of her. He must remember that conversation between them, given his position and hers, was a one-sided affair at best. A desire to know his personal history did not demonstrate a desire to share hers.

He answered carefully, giving just the information required. ‘I was born in London, though I spent very little time there. My mother died when I was quite young; there is not much I can tell you of her, other than that she was beautiful. But that is what all children say of their mothers and so it hardly signifies.’

And that had been enough to loosen her tongue and relax her rigid posture. ‘I suppose you are right, Mr Hendricks. I would say the same of my departed mother. Beautiful and happy.’

‘Mine was sad.’ He reflected for a moment, surprised that her questions had raised a fresh feeling of loss for something that had happened so long ago. ‘I was sent away to school when she died. To Eton and then to Cambridge. There was never any question of how it would be paid for. But around the time of the death of Duke of Summersly, I received a nice settlement. I think that tells us both all we need to know about the identity of my father.’

‘A bastard son of a duke?’ Again she had blurted the words in a way that was the height of bad manners. He could almost hear her mouth snap shut.

‘Of him, or some member of that family. While he did not acknowledge me in life, I cannot really complain about the way I was treated.’ At least, he had no right to. ‘I was a natural student and quite happy at all the schools I attended. I cannot say the same of my fellows. I took great pleasure in besting them when I could, at lessons or at games. It proved …’ and then he remembered his audience and shut his own mouth.

‘That it is not always one’s parentage that proves one’s abilities,’ she finished for him, unbothered by the idea. Of course, she had no reason to feel threatened by it. She was a symbol of the rank he’d been denied; nothing he could say would change her status in society. ‘And when you were finished with your education?’ she prompted.

‘I used the money I was given to buy a commission and did quite handsomely for myself as a soldier. I was aide-de-camp to the Earl of Folbroke. We were friends as well as comrades. When he returned home, I followed and took a position in his household.’

‘And you might have been equals …’

‘Or perhaps his superior,’ he added calmly, ‘had I been born on the right side of the blanket.’ He waited for her chilly response and the inevitable withdrawal. Their circumstances were unusual and some curiosity was natural. But a well-bred young lady would not stoop to befriend a by-blow.

Instead, she continued as though she found nothing particularly unusual about his past. ‘I enjoyed my schooling as well. There is a great comfort to be found in books.’

And why did you need comforting, I wonder? The woman was a curiosity.

‘But in such places as I was sent, most of the time is spent ensuring that young ladies are properly prepared to take their roles as wives and mothers, and are assets to the households of their intended husbands.’

Which made them sound little better than servants. Perhaps they had more in common then he’d thought.

She sighed. ‘When Mother died, it was agreed, amongst us, that it would be for the best that I come home from school and see to things.’

Liar. Her father had commanded it, he was sure. He risked a question. ‘And what sorts of things needed seeing to?’

‘Once we were out of mourning, my younger sister, Priscilla, was ready to make her come out. And it has been decided that I must be her guard, until she finds a husband. The stronger must protect the weaker, after all.’

‘And you are the stronger,’ he said, softly.

Her eyes narrowed. ‘I am. In mind and in body. I am older and wiser, as well. And with no mother to advise or protect her, someone must care for Priscilla.’ There had been the faintest, most fleeting hint of a something on her face as she had said it, as though she remembered a time not so long ago when she had not thought that way at all. But her father had called her home. And like an obedient daughter, she had come and done exactly as she was told, putting all of her own dreams aside for the good of her sister. More than her mother had died on that day, John was sure of it, but Lady Dru had convinced herself otherwise.

Out of the blue, she added, ‘Priscilla is the prettier of the two of us, and with the extra attention she receives from so many gentlemen, there is an increased risk.’

‘Prettier than you?’

For a moment, her frown faded into a look of surprise, softening her features into a dark attractiveness that quickened his pulse. ‘Of course. She is of a more appropriate height, delicate of frame, fair of hair, pale of skin.’

And that explained why she would run to Scotland after a man who no longer wanted her. If she thought this Mr Gervaise was her only opportunity, if their understanding was that he would wait until she felt free to marry, she would be loathe to let him go.

It pained him to see such hesitance in one who was normally so sure of herself. Would it do any harm to give her some assurance on her looks? For it was clear that no one else, not even the errant Gervaise, had done so. ‘There is nothing inappropriate about your height,’ he said. ‘It suits you. And your frame suits your height. In my experience, delicacy is as likely to go hand in hand with sickness as it is with beauty. A lack of frailty on your part is hardly an imperfection.’

She was blinking at him again, as though she could not quite understand what it was that he meant. But it had brought a faint flush to her pale cheeks that made her all the more attractive, so he dared and went on, ‘Your colouring might not be the same as your sister’s, but it is most fetching. I am sure the two of you, when side by side, are an attractive counterpoint to each other.’ Now he was wishing he had a hand free to adjust his spectacles so that he might get a better look at her face before continuing. ‘That is only my opinion, of course. But there is nothing unusual about my tastes and assessment of feminine beauty. There are men who prefer the fair sex to be fair. And there are an equal number that enjoy raven hair and large dark eyes.’ At the moment, he fell too much in the latter category to say more.

In fact, he had said too much already. He checked his watch. They were making good time, now that they could leave the roads as needed. He gave his passenger a brief warning and took the horses up a steep embankment, in an effort to find higher ground for them.

And since he’d put his hand on her waist to steady her, it had seemed only natural to leave it there and enjoy the warmth of her ribs. It was a shame that she did not see beauty when she looked into the mirror, for he found nothing wrong with her. Perhaps she was tall for a woman, but there was nothing in the least masculine about the rest of her. He spread his fingers to span as much of her as he could, easing her body back against him.

She responded by nestling closer. She relaxed against him, almost as if it required conscious effort to depend on the strength of another.

And he wanted to be her strength. In the years he had worked for Folbroke and doted on the man’s wife, she had never once shown an interest in his past. They had been friends, of course, but not particularly close.

But in less than a day together, Lady Drusilla Rudney had ferreted out the truth of his birth and forged a connection between them. This trip was not the only time she’d felt alone. He could see it in her guarded eyes, in the way she held herself, carefully self-contained at all times, and the way she was leaning into him, unguarded and fragile.

Because of that fragility, he was a danger to her. Though his mind might want to reach out and comfort, his body felt the flesh-and-blood woman beside him and wanted a much more earthy connection. The movement of the horse shifted her against him and he had idle thoughts of stretching his fingers upwards to graze the bottoms of her breasts. And each change in gait raised a fresh fantasy as she rocked against him. Walking brought to mind a languid afternoon of love making. A canter made him think of a quick coupling and fear of discovery. And as he nudged them to a full gallop, he thought of a night of wild, uncontrolled, vigorous …

‘Mr Hendricks!’

Chapter Six

He pulled on the reins, bringing the horse up short, suddenly afraid that she had guessed the contents of his mind or felt his obvious physical response. ‘My lady?’

He glanced around him, checking his surroundings, his watch and his compass, and comparing the results to the last mile marker he had seen to pretend that their progress had been the only thing on his mind.