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‘Kit, yeah,’ she smiled softly, ‘he’s really nice.’
‘And he can look after you?’ Jez assumed a fatherly pose, arms crossed, head tilted to the side. Chelsea watched with interest as her mum shuffled in her seat, pretending to be watching the TV. The sad thing was, Jez was actually asking out of concern for her. She knew that was not her mum’s intention.
‘I can look after myself,’ Chelsea shrugged.
‘But he’s loaded,’ Carly said, a question in her tone, eyes not moving from the screen.
‘He does all right. He works hard.’
Jez nodded magnanimously. ‘He sounds like a good lad.’
‘He popped the question?’ Carly was focused on her fully this time, her dull grey eyes small and mean. Chelsea didn’t like the feeling in her stomach when her mother paid attention to her. It was like she’d suddenly woken up covered in gold and her mum was wondering how much she could get if she chopped off an arm.
‘Nope. We’re not in that place,’ Chelsea shrugged.
‘It’s been a few years, hasn’t it?’ Jez said gently. ‘You don’t think he’s the one?’
‘It’s not –’
‘She’s too good for marriage,’ Carly shrugged, ‘she wouldn’t do something so bloody normal, would she?’
Chelsea frowned at her mum. ‘You’re so into the idea, you two get on and get married.’
Jez chuckled. ‘We’re common law married at this point, love.’ He looked across at Carly, that light grin playing around his mouth. ‘Once you reach your twenty-fifth fight about the laundry basket being too full, it’s the same as being married five years, so they say!’
He wheezed a little and Carly looked at him in concern before allowing her square gaze to settle on her daughter, goading her. ‘Get knocked up. Or tell him you’re knocked up. That’ll hurry him along.’
‘Never worked for you,’ Chelsea said, her lips a thin line.
Carly said nothing, lit up a cigarette and exhaled loudly. Jez paused briefly, then laughed, shaking his head.
‘How about it, love, then? Shall we get hitched to make Chelsea here happy?’
Carly rolled her eyes, but quirked a lip. ‘Quiet, you, the telly’s on.’
Chelsea looked down at Kai sitting on her lap, burbling away, and she stared at her mother, the ash from her cigarette tapped onto a small dish resting on the arm of the chair. Chelsea cleared her throat and rolled her eyes. Getting no response, she heaved her youngest brother onto her hip, and stood to open the window.
‘It’s cold, don’t open that!’
Chelsea felt herself regress instantly. ‘He’s got fucking asthma, Mum! You call yourself a parent?’
Carly glared at her, hackles raised. ‘Only out of necessity.’ She turned back to the screen, and Chelsea stood frozen, her baby brother in her arms.
‘When can we meet your boyfriend?’ Jermaine sang the word, teasing her. He’d always aimed to lighten the mood, even as a little kid he’d run around and dance and sing to stop them fighting. Chelsea smiled at him, wanting to say he could come to London, that he could stay with her and meet Kit then. Maybe he could stay over the summer and –
‘You’re not.’
Carly’s voice was cruel with laughter as she looked at Jermaine, explaining loudly and simply, ‘You see, baby, your sister’s ashamed of us. She don’t want her posh boyfriend seeing her chavvy family. She’s too good for us now.’
Jermaine frowned, looking to Chelsea for confirmation. She shook her head and twirled her fingertips at her temple, mouthing ‘crazy’. He half-smiled, but she felt like he was looking at her with new eyes.
‘How about some birthday cake?’ Chelsea stood, handing Kai over to Jez. ‘I’ll see if Ty wants some.’
She pounded up the stairs, knocking three times on the door, then pausing before another two quick taps. Their secret code as kids. She heard a brief grumble in response and slowly opened the door. The site was a tip as usual, but she focused on Tyler, leaning out of the window with a cigarette.
‘Gimme one of them, will you?’ She waded through the room to jostle beside him at the windowsill. He produced the pack wordlessly, lighter inside the packet.
‘So…how’s things?’ Chelsea breathed out a smoke circle, a skill she’d perfected at sixteen and never lost. She only smoked at home now.
‘Same as always, fucking shit.’
‘I know.’
He pursed his lips, breathing out against the cool air and she simply looked at her brother. He was seventeen. There’d been a big enough age gap between them as kids but she’d always been his confidante. And then she left.
He’d been a good-looking kid, Tyler, never really smiled but he had that cheeky way about him. Now his skin was bad, his fingernails were yellow and he seemed to glare from hollow eye sockets.
‘How’s work? Thought any more about college?’
He gave her a blank look. ‘Don’t start that bullshit again. I know your life is so fucking wonderful, but I’m not going to study.’
‘Okay,’ she shrugged, ‘but what about an apprenticeship or something?’
He was weakening a little, she could tell, that same way of shifting his weight from side to side when he wanted a hug or a word of encouragement, but didn’t want to explain himself or seem weak. Some things didn’t change. She nudged his shoulder gently.
‘There’s a ’pprenticeship goin’ at the garage. My old teacher, McKinnon, he always liked me, it’s his brother’s place. Said he’d put in a good word for me but I gotta pass a maths test.’
‘Can you do it?’
Tyler huffed, shrugging half-heartedly.
‘Is it that it’s too difficult, or you’re letting your dickhead mates fuck with your future?’
Tyler scowled at her. ‘They’re my mates! We spent years in school. It’s crap and pointless.’
‘As pointless as working in the chippy for the rest of your life?’
‘You’re a broken fucking record, Jesus!’
Chelsea took a deep breath to give herself the patience to proceed. She knew she’d have to go carefully.
‘Babe, it’s the only way. What else you gonna do? Sell a bit of weed on the side and get nicked, like everyone else?’ She tried to stop herself rambling. ‘An apprenticeship could set you up! You’d be qualified, you could always learn more and specialise – work on Ferraris one day or something! Can you imagine?’
Tyler looked at her with a strange mixture of exasperation and affection. ‘You’re such a bloody dreamer. I think it’d be nice to work down at the garage and you start going on about Ferraris. Have you ever seen a fucking Ferrari drive into Mike’s garage?’
‘If it did, it’d come out in parts,’ she laughed, and watched as his lips tilted up briefly.
‘So pass the test, what’s the problem?’
‘Mum says it don’t pay enough. Starting salary’s less than the chippy.’
Chelsea growled a little, stubbing out the fag on the windowsill and turning to her little brother. ‘Tell her you spoke to a careers person at the youth centre and he’s found a way to get you more money for working there, a subsidy or a grant or something,’ she exhaled. ‘I’ll pay the difference into your account.’
Tyler looked at her, surprised and wary.
‘That’s not money for you to go boozing. It’s so you can get ahead and Mum can’t stop you. And don’t you fucking breathe a word to her.’
‘But Chels—’
‘You pass the test, you get on the programme, and I’ll even out the money. But you drop out and you don’t bother, I’m not helping you with shit. Got it?’
He nodded sombrely and she caught his eye, holding out her hand.
‘Deal?’
Tyler nodded and shook her hand. She took the chance to pull him in for a hug.
‘Good choice, dickhead. Now come downstairs for some birthday cake before I kill Mum.’
Tyler went to follow her, then paused. ‘Chels, you know Dad’s been asking about you. They think he’ll be out soon.’
‘And then he’ll do something stupid and be back in again,’ Chelsea shrugged, ‘what’s the point?’
‘I dunno, he’s family?’
She looked at her younger brother. ‘Is it important to you that I see him?’
Ty shrugged, looking outraged at the question. ‘I don’t care, do what you want.’
‘I’ll think about it.’
The rest of the afternoon passed easily enough into the evening with Jermaine chattering away about his birthday wishes, and Kai playing with Chelsea on the floor. When the time came to go, Tyler offered to walk her to the train station. Carly didn’t do much beyond what she normally did, which was hand Chelsea any post with her name on, mostly pointless advertising that she would bin when she got home, and stand stonily, like she’d been called to attention, part of a parade that Jez had ordered. The only thing that comforted Chelsea about it all was that she imagined her mother did exactly the same thing she did as soon as she left, take a long, deep breath, close her eyes, and be relieved it was over for another few months.
She walked in step with Tyler, her strut softening to match his slow, lazy strides.
They didn’t talk – it seemed pointless trying to catch up on lives that barely made sense to the other. They just walked next to each other, happy enough in the silence. Every now and then she noticed that Tyler looked at her like she was from a different world, one that didn’t know anything about who he really was, or how they lived. She was an impostor. But the truth was, Chelsea had always existed in a different world, even when she was stuck on that estate in Badgeley.
Chapter Two
She called Kit on the train back, and hearing the warmth in his voice as he insisted he’d meet her at the station was a balm.
‘I don’t know, I’m exhausted,’ she sighed, ‘I was just going to walk home from the station.’
‘I’ll get you! Come on, even if it’s just the five minute drive home, I want to see you.’
She’d relented, as she often did in the face of Kit’s enthusiasm. Most days, when she was her best, most Chelsea self, she’d match him quip for quip, egging on his excitement with ideas for new adventures.
Occasionally, when he’d been working on a horrible case that seemed to draw the life out of him, he’d become quiet and soft, and she’d be the one in control, the one caring for him and suggesting things to do. Often, she was relieved at the downtime. Life with Kit was a hundred miles an hour.
Chelsea stumbled out of Kentish Town Station and a car flashed its lights further down. Inside, Kit waved, a huge grin on his face. Chelsea got in the car and looked at him, this kind, gorgeous man who for some strange reason had picked her. Kit was tall, his blond hair shorter now that he was at a big office unlike the unruly mop he had when they first met. His skin was pale, but tanned instantly, his eyes an alarming blue that always looked kind. He had that adorable sloppy look, she noticed, like he’d relaxed for the night. She loved that most, when he took off the expensive suit and left the fancy education at the door so they could curl up in comfy clothes on the sofa to watch a stupid movie. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, his collar unbuttoned, and she had never seen something that looked so much like home.
‘Hello, gorgeous.’ He reached for her, capturing her lips briefly. ‘I missed you.’
‘It’s only been a couple of days, you soppy git.’ She grinned as he pulled out into the road. Chelsea paused, feeling like somehow she had to readjust her language to her life.
‘Soppy git indeed,’ he laughed, nodding. ‘I like that. It’s been a long couple of days. I haven’t even seen you since you got the promotion – congratulations, Miss Big Executive.’
‘Why thank you,’ she said, twisting her wrist in a royal impression, ‘and they rewarded me for all my hard work by making me take time off after getting a bigger workload – it’s nuts!’
Kit raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips as he tried to stop the smile on his face.
‘Baby, do you think maybe that’s because you refuse to take your holiday and the accounts team are getting pissed with you?’
‘But still!’ Chelsea huffed. ‘Making me take three weeks in one go! I’m going to be so behind!’
‘You’re probably already ahead into next year, knowing you.’ Kit shook his head, indicating. ‘Want to get some stuff from yours and come to mine?’
Chelsea shrugged. ‘I’ve got some stuff at yours, it’s not like I’ve got to be anywhere tomorrow.’
Kit paused. ‘Yes, unless your charming, exciting, alluring boyfriend missed you so much that he booked a surprise trip for the both of us. Well, a surprise for you, obviously I know about it.’
Chelsea blinked. ‘You managed to get time off?’
‘I spoke to your assistant, who confirmed you had to take your holiday, so I booked three weeks for me too. Charlie can cover me, it’ll be fine.’
‘And you’ve booked something?’ Chelsea wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or exhausted. She’d been quite looking forward to a few days of doing nothing.
‘I booked a short trip with the option for further stuff. It’s all very relaxed though,’ Kit explained, placing a hand on her knee as he parked outside her flat. ‘I thought you’d want to relax, but I know you wouldn’t last longer than two days before climbing the walls.’
Chelsea grinned. ‘I love you.’
Kit’s face lit up. ‘So go pack some clothes.’
‘I’m assuming I’m not going to be told where we’re going?’
‘Pack…light layers? Pretty stuff for evenings. Shoes that can walk on cobblestones. And a swimsuit.’
‘City break meets summer holiday?’
Kit blinked. ‘It’s warmer than here, but you might want a jacket or scarf or something for the evenings. And I’m not saying anything else.’
‘You know I hate being out of control.’ She rolled her eyes, opening the car door.
‘And you know I’ll make it worth it.’
The man was not wrong. His surprises, whilst they tended to mess with Chelsea’s natural need to be in charge, were always flamboyant and unusual. The problem was, she often felt that they were too much, that she didn’t deserve them. Like the private booth on the boat for Valentine’s Day, the weekend away in that castle for her birthday, the extravagant Tiffany box at Christmas. Kit did nothing by halves, but it was at least a comfort that he also seemed to enjoy the simpler things in life too. The pint in a Wetherspoons, the McDonald’s on the way home from some posh work function where they’d both drunk too much and eaten too little. He responded to each of these experiences as if they were adventures, something exciting and unusual. And from what she’d heard of his childhood, they were.
Chelsea let herself into her brightly lit but undeniably cramped studio, stopping to water the sad spider plant by the door and dump the bundle of letters and adverts from her mum’s on the side. She pulled out a few slim-fit dresses and wrapped them in tissue paper, then haphazardly threw in some jeans, tank tops and cardigans. She fished out a bikini, her very favourite white dress with the roses printed on it, and a pair of strappy heels, just in case. She didn’t like not being able to make her methodical lists, but she had to admit, every other time Kit had whisked her away it had been worth it. If she had to trust someone to take control, Kit was the one who could do it. Even if he had to wrestle it from her stiff, cramped fingers.
Chelsea dumped the entirety of her make-up bag into her suitcase (a small leather wheel along that Kit had bought her for the surprise trip to Spain for their first anniversary) along with shoes, and a light coat.
Chelsea normally took care of her clothes, not forgetting that she’d once never even dreamed she might own things that could cost so much. Fifty pounds on a pair of trousers? Teenage Chelsea would have smirked, ‘What, have they got no personality?’
She bundled the case down the stairs and Kit came out to help load it into the car, ever the gentleman. The man couldn’t help but be a cliché sometimes.
‘A woman who packs light, and packs quickly,’ he exclaimed, slamming the boot of the car and enveloping her in his arms. He always smelled spicy, clean like soap but with some masculine undertone she could never distinguish. He smelled like Kit, and that scent was both a turn on and a comfort.
‘Have I mentioned that I missed you?’ His lips captured hers, soft and full as his hands roamed her back, pulling her closer. A passing car honked at them, and Chelsea pulled back laughing, a blush on her cheeks.
‘You might have brought it up,’ she laughed, stepping away to get into the car.
‘You haven’t.’ He wiggled his eyebrows. ‘Didn’t you miss my various charms?’
‘I always miss your charms, darling, it’s the dirty clothes on the floor every time I come round that I could do without.’
‘You know I’d never leave my clothes on the floor,’ he gasped dramatically, jumping into the car. It was true, the man was a neat freak. He had a cleaner, Helena, come in once a week to re-clean what he’d already done, and iron his shirts for him. He tried, but never managed to get it right, so admitted it was better to ‘just throw money at the problem’. It made Chelsea uncomfortable in a way she couldn’t identify.
Maybe because his flat always seemed so clinical, she thought as they arrived at his bachelor pad a few moments later. It was only twenty minutes’ walk away, a walk in the park for two twenty-somethings who had just realised they were crazy about each other. She’d walked over to his so many times in those first few weeks, excited and hesitant, wondering what his place would look like, then where this was going, what it meant. She’d been shocked the first time she’d seen Kit’s place. A penthouse that seemed so typically masculine and modern, all black shiny surfaces and oversized technology.
Now she stayed quite often, because it was more spacious and comfortable than hers, and easier to get to work in the morning but almost everything about it screamed ‘rich pretty boy’. Sometimes she imagined seeing it through Tyler’s eyes and she knew he’d just roll his eyes and mutter ‘rich prick’. Some days even the ice machine in the fridge seemed to mock her, or the underfloor heating, or the remote control blinds. Here was a man who’d never had to huddle up with his siblings, wearing all his clothes, squished up under their duvets because the heating hadn’t been paid again.
‘Home sweet home,’ Kit said, putting her bag by the door and running a thumb down her arm, switching on the air conditioning. ‘Wine?’
‘Tea,’ she smiled, ‘it’s been a long day.’
Kit looked at her, scanning her face for a trace of something, his eyes soft and concerned.
‘How was the birthday boy?’
‘Thrilled with his presents, the trainers especially.’ Chelsea smiled her brightest smile, her I’m okay, really smile, and Kit nodded in that small way he had, like he was telling you he accepted that you didn’t want to talk about something. It was one of her favourite things about Kit, he didn’t push.
His blue eyes held hers for a fraction longer, then he simply kissed her cheek and went to put the kettle on.
The rest of the evening passed exactly as Chelsea wanted, cuddled up on the sofa, a comedian spouting rubbish on the TV as she laughed into Kit’s chest and tried not to hold his arm too hard.
Some days it seemed like she was desperately clinging to him, holding on as tight as she could without cutting off circulation. Kit seemed to sense these moments, usually after visiting her family, and held her a little tighter, rocking her slightly against his chest. He knew she liked to be quiet at times like that.
His soft eyes held hers that night in bed, as she looked at him, saying nothing, trying to convey in that small smile that she was grateful for him, for his patience and understanding when she retreated into herself.
She watched as he closed his eyes, smiling as he yawned and snuggled into the pillow. She always thought at times like this, of Kit’s offhand comment, a few months into their relationship: ‘You’re hard to get to know, but it’s okay because you’re very easy to love.’
So far he had been happy just to love her, but Chelsea wondered how much longer it would be until he wanted more.
***
‘It’s all about confidence,’ Ruby said as they walked down the high street, ‘start small, smile, and try to be invisible.’
‘You could never be invisible,’ Chelsea snorted, looking at her beautiful friend with the red hair, wearing their pathetic school uniform, the checked skirt clashing horribly with her Titian curls.
‘Watch me.’ She pulled the sides of her hair back, and pulled on a pair of badly fitting reading glasses.
‘Where did you –’
‘Doesn’t matter,’ she grinned, slipping her arm through the crook of Chelsea’s elbow, ‘watch and learn.’ She seemed to suddenly become an airhead the minute they walked into the shop, chatting away laughably about some imaginary boyfriend and the troubles she was having. Chelsea nodded along, watching warily as the security guard walked past them.
Ruby’s sleight of hand was on a par with any magician. One minute she was holding a nail polish, the next it was gone, dropped in her pocket. She alternated, picking up and putting things back, getting more animated as she kept her back to the security guard.
She smiled, shrugged, and said, ‘Shall we try somewhere else? I need to find a dress for Gaby’s party.’
Chelsea shrugged, and they walked along at a leisurely pace until they left the shop, the security guard not even giving them a second glance.
When they reached the bus stop, Ruby emptied her pockets, revealing lipsticks, hair ties, necklaces as well as even more random objects that Chelsea hadn’t even noticed in the shop – pens, paperclips, hand sanitiser.
‘What’s the point though? We don’t need half of this stuff.’ Chelsea shrugged, her fingers gripping the baby pink nail polish a little too tightly.
Ruby looked at her, eyes serious and dark. ‘Babe, we are starting this race at a disadvantage. I’m just evening out the playing field.’
‘What race?’
‘Life.’ A small smile played about Ruby’s lips. ‘You want to do something fabulous? You want to dance on a stage and play the diva and drink Champagne for breakfast one day? Everyone else has got something on us. They’ve got a name, or education, or the Bank of Mummy and Daddy. We deserve a leg up.’
‘And stealing some cheap crap is going to help us how?’
Ruby rolled her eyes. ‘Okay, say you’ve got a job interview, and you need a shirt. Say you need to do a class that needs materials. We deserve a little help.’
Chelsea knew it wasn’t right, but something about it felt right. They did need help. They were at a disadvantage. And who was going to help them, two girls from the estate? What hope did they have for a life that was more than what everyone else got in Badgeley?
‘Life skills, babe,’ Ruby nodded certainly, pulling her hair free and taking off the ridiculous glasses. ‘Your education begins.’
Chapter Three
‘Wake up, sleepyhead.’
Kit was a morning person. Which Chelsea actually loved. When she had to get up early for work. Not when she was still emotionally drained from dealing with her family.
Before she even opened her eyes, she could smell the coffee. Kit had a thing about making coffee in a cafetiere. He loved the ritual of it all. He had a posh espresso machine on the sparkling kitchen counter but he said it was too instantaneous, too easy. Good things came to those who waited for decent coffee, apparently.
‘What is this?’ Chelsea blinked a little at the sunlight streaming through the windows of the bedroom.
His smile matched the sunlight. ‘I walked down to your favourite bakery to get those almond things you like.’
He wasn’t kidding. On a tray was a pile of almond croissants dusted with sugar, a cafetiere with two mugs, a bunch of sunflowers and a Kit Kat.