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“She didn’t sleep. And I didn’t know what to do to help her.” Eve’s voice trailed off on a sigh. “You could have asked. You could have told me what to do for her, what she likes. Instead you just walked out.”
“Shh,” he tried again, hoping that it would again work on Eve. He stood in the middle of the oversize living room with early morning sunlight streaming through kitchen windows and Tori cuddled against his shoulder. Eve sat a few feet away from him looking ready to spit nails.
“I didn’t plan on leaving,” he told her in a whisper. “I had to make a call. I got to the car and it hit me that you would never agree to this guardianship. I knew you would come up with dozens of reasons why you can’t.”
“And I would have been right.”
He glanced down at the child sleeping in his arms. He’d had a couple of weeks to get used to the idea of parenting her, of being a dad. He’d come to terms with the big changes in his life because she was in it. Like Eve, he’d had a lot of reasons why he couldn’t.
Those reasons still crept up on him from time to time. Usually in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep, or Tori couldn’t sleep. He’d hired a nanny. That didn’t really suffice. Mrs. Porter wasn’t looking for another child to raise. She showed Tori a lot of love, but she’d made it clear from the beginning she could nanny but she wasn’t the parent. He couldn’t give that duty over to someone else.
“I’m sorry, Eve, but I had to do something to make you see how important this is. We can’t just walk away from her. It might not be what we signed on for and I feel like I’m the last person who should be raising this little girl, but James and Hanna trusted us.”
“But there is no us,” she said with a lift of her chin, but he could see pain reflected in her dark eyes.
The pain he saw didn’t bother him as much as what he didn’t see in her eyes, in her expression. He didn’t see the person he used to know, the woman he’d planned to marry.
He had noticed the same yesterday, and he guessed that’s why he’d left Tori with her. He’d been sitting there looking at a woman he used to think he knew better than he knew himself, and he hadn’t recognized her.
“There is no us, but we still exist, you and me, and Tori needs us.” He said it softly because the little girl in his arms seemed to be drifting off, even with the occasional sob.
“There has to be another option. I obviously can’t do this. Last night was proof.”
“Last night meant nothing. You’ve always managed, Eve. You’re strong and capable.”
“Before, Ethan. I was that person before. This is me now, and I can’t.”
“I guess you have changed. I’ve never heard you say you can’t do anything.”
He sat down on a nearby chair. Isaac had left. The woman named Sierra had also disappeared. They were alone. When had they last been alone? The night he proposed? It had been the night she left for Afghanistan. He’d taken her to dinner in San Antonio and they’d walked along the riverfront surrounded by people, music and twinkling lights.
He’d dropped to one knee there in front of strangers passing by, seeing the sights. Dozens had stopped to watch as she cried and said yes. Later they’d made the drive to the airport, his ring glistening on her finger, planning a wedding that would never happen.
“Ethan?” Her voice was soft, quiet, questioning.
He glanced down at the little girl in his arms.
“What other option is there, Eve? Should we turn her over to the state, let her take her chances with whoever they choose? Should we find some distant relative? What do you recommend?”
He leaned back in the chair and studied her face, her expression. She was everything familiar. His childhood friend. The person he’d loved. Had loved. Past tense. The woman he’d wanted to spend his life with had been someone else, someone who never backed down. She looked as tough, as stubborn as ever, but there was something fragile in her expression.
Something in her expression made him recheck his feelings. He’d been bucked off horses, trampled by a bull, broken his arm jumping dirt bikes. She’d been his only broken heart. He didn’t want another one.
“There is no us, you’ve made that clear.” He loosened his hold on Tori and she sighed in her sleep. “I’m glad you thought that was your decision to make and that I had no say in the matter. That is beside the point. There is a Tori. And she needs a home. She needs us. You and me.”
“She is obviously bonded to you. You’ve figured this parenting thing out.” Her voice took on a frantic tone.
“No, I haven’t figured it out. I have help. My mom. My sister. But they can’t raise her.” Not that he hadn’t considered it. He could go to court, get custody finalized and then give guardianship to his sister, Bethany.
“What are we supposed to do?” Eve asked, moving closer, her gaze landing on the child in his arms.
“That’s why I’m here,” he admitted. “So we can figure this out. The judge wants this case settled. He’s given me temporary guardianship but he wants to be able to finalize her guardianship and he wants it done as soon as possible. He believes James and Hanna made a decision based on the facts they had and that they had a reason for the choice they made. There’s a court date in six weeks.”
“Court?”
“In Texas. And you have to be there. We both have to go and we need to have a plan in place by then.”
“A plan?”
He tried to hide the hint of a smile her questions instigated. “A plan for Tori, for us, for the future.”
She shook her head. “My future is here. You have a life in Texas. We can’t shift her back and forth like some unwanted little parcel. That wouldn’t give her the stability she needs or the family she deserves.”
She was right. They weren’t a couple. They hadn’t been for several years. And, if it had been that easy for her to end things, maybe they had never truly been a couple.
That realization didn’t help solve the problem at hand. Tori’s dependence on them to make the right choices. Like it or not, they were in this together.
Chapter Three
She couldn’t do this. She didn’t know what “this” meant. It seemed to be a whole list of things. She couldn’t be a parent. She couldn’t process the loss of friends she hadn’t spoken to in years. The loss was real, even with the passing of time.
Her gaze landed on their little girl. The peaceful, sleeping child in Ethan’s arms.
Ethan. She looked up and found him watching her, questions burning in his blue eyes. He was at the top of the list of things she couldn’t tackle. Not right now with her emotions shattered.
She pushed her chair away from him and headed for the door, fighting tears, fighting with the past. As she went out the door, she heard him call her name. She shook her head. Not because she wouldn’t deal with this situation but because she needed a few minutes alone to figure out the next step.
She needed to pray. Her heart constricted at the thought of prayer. Because she did pray. She went to church. Sometimes she sang in the choir. But when anyone said to trust God, she felt a spike of true anger rise up in her spirit. Because she had trusted Him. She’d prayed. She’d believed.
And here she was. James and Hanna were gone and it wasn’t right. She wanted to scream to heaven that it wasn’t fair. And where was God in all this?
With no clear destination in mind she found herself at the kennel. She opened a gate and whistled to the dog inside. The yellow Labrador retriever immediately moved to her side, probably glad to escape the kennel and her puppies. The dogs training to be service animals were typically housed with either the men or women on the ranch, so they were socialized and immersed in training.
In the beginning, the dogs had been a hobby and therapy. With time, experience and training, Mercy Ranch had become a key provider of service dogs to members of the military and to other deserving folks around the country.
“How’s the family?” Eve asked the dog. In response, April gave her a sloppy dog kiss. “Eight puppies. You’re an expert. Do you have any advice for me?”
April sat next to Eve’s chair, waiting expectantly.
“I didn’t think so.” Eve closed her eyes and waited for an answer, for some clear response to the turmoil she felt. Tori was James and Hanna’s daughter. She was a tiny little girl without parents. She needed people to count on.
Then there was Ethan. She’d always loved him. From the time they’d been in elementary school and he’d told a bully to stop picking on her, she’d loved him. She’d loved him at sixteen when he’d punched Brandon Parker for saying something rude in the hall at school. She’d loved him more at twenty when he’d sent her a dozen roses and told her she was stuck with him. Forever.
And she’d loved him when she told him they could no longer get married. She’d convinced herself that was the biggest act of love. For four years she’d been telling herself she was over him. That she’d done the right thing and they’d both moved on.
April nudged at her hand and she slid her fingers through the animal’s soft fur, pulling her close and leaning to bury her face in the dog’s neck. She had to pull it together and find a way to convince Ethan to leave.
“Running?”
She looked up, startled by the question. She hadn’t heard anyone approaching. She smiled at Joe Chapman. He’d been at the ranch almost as long as any of them. He had an easy demeanor, always pleasant. She thought he worked hard at that persona. But inside he was as angry as the rest of them. He’d lost an arm and one side of his face was scarred.
She no longer noticed Joe’s scars. He was just Joe. And he was waiting for an answer.
“No, not running. I’m just trying to figure out how to tell my past to stay in the past.”
“It isn’t always that easy.”
“You’ve managed,” she said with a smile to soften the words. If he was going to get in her business, she’d get in his.
“Yeah, well, my parents don’t want much to do with me. I’m not living up to their expectations.”
“It seems our parents are opposite ends of the spectrum. Mine would love for me to come home so they could smother me with love and attention. I think they would only see the chair and I’d cease to exist.”
“Yeah, I get that. My parents can’t see beyond their career goals for their children.”
She felt sorry for baiting him. “Yeah, I know.”
“That’s why we love Mercy Ranch. Jack gave us a place to be ourselves.”
“We’re not hiding?” she asked her friend.
He shrugged. “We probably are.”
“So you heard about the baby?”
He laughed at the question. “Who hasn’t heard about her? And heard her. She’s got a powerful set of lungs.”
“Yes, yes she does.” She raised a finger and the dog sat. When she pointed to the ground, the dog dropped to her belly. “You’re still the best, April.”
“You trained her. You get some of the credit.”
She smiled up at Joe. “Thanks. But let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Or the baby. Am I a coward?”
“I don’t think so.” He’d taken a seat on the nearby bench but he stood, rubbing at his left shoulder. “But I am, so I’m going to head out. Kylie at twelve o’clock.”
He saluted and headed for the stable. As Kylie approached, clearing her throat to make herself known, Eve pointed to the kennel. With head down and reluctant steps, April entered the kennel to be attacked by her eight super hungry puppies.
“You need to come back to the house,” Kylie said.
“Because I’m avoiding and I can’t avoid?”
“No, because Ethan is sick. Sierra had to go back to the house to get something and found him leaning over the trash can. Tori was on a blanket on the floor crying.”
Eve looked heavenward. “This is what happens when I ask for help.”
Kylie grabbed the handles of Eve’s chair and turned her toward the apartment. “At least you’re praying about it.”
Her struggles with faith weren’t exactly secret. Kylie observed things. It wasn’t a discussion they’d had but Eve wasn’t surprised to know her friend had figured it out.
“Yes, praying, ranting, same thing I guess.”
“Sometimes,” Kylie agreed. “And I think God is okay with our honest emotions.”
Eve certainly hoped so. She didn’t feel a need to respond and Kylie didn’t push her to keep talking.
“Where are your kids?” Eve asked when they were halfway to the entrance of the building she’d called home for several years. They affectionately called it “the garage.”
“With Maria and Jack. They made cookies.”
“Cara made cookies? She can’t even eat cookies.”
“She’s watching from her infant swing,” Kylie responded. Eve could hear the contentment in her voice, picture the happy smile on her face.
It was true, what the Bible said, that things did work together for good for those who trusted. And if anyone deserved that, it was Kylie. She’d loved Carson West since junior high and somehow the two had found each other again.
“You changed the subject,” Kylie said as she pushed the chair onto the sidewalk.
“Did I?” Eve took control of her chair, pushing the wheels quickly to reach the door of the apartment.
Kylie stepped between her and the door. “It isn’t always cut-and-dried. You know that. Faith gets tested. We all go through storms.”
“Some of us get stranded on a deserted island.” The words slipped out, then Eve backed away from the door, from her friend.
Kylie’s expression didn’t register surprise. Eve didn’t know how. She felt surprised by what she’d said, surprised by the emotions that accompanied the words.
“That’s pretty powerful,” Kylie finally said. “Maybe that’s the place where people lose faith or even turn from their faith. Especially if you believe God isn’t on that island with you.”
“Only a volleyball named Wilson and it doesn’t answer. No matter how much you talk to it, shout at it, nothing.” Eve closed her eyes. “I’m pathetic.”
“Actually, you’re not. I just wouldn’t have thought to compare God to a volleyball.”
Eve gave in to the smile that tugged at her mouth. “Yeah, well, sometimes God is like that volleyball. You keep talking, keeping telling Him what you need and you wonder why He doesn’t answer. And then you wonder, does He even hear? Is it all some big joke. So here I sit, thinking my life is the worst, and now this. This isn’t really about me, is it? This is about Tori. It’s about the loss of two very dear people. But I can’t be the person Tori needs me to be.”
“You think you can’t. But I think of all the other things you said you couldn’t do that you’ve done.”
“I still can’t walk. Remember those first months when I insisted I would walk again? And I prayed, asking God to show those doctors they were wrong.”
God hadn’t fixed it. He’d given her the strength to survive it, but not the ability to overcome it.
“Should we start calling those ‘volleyball’ moments of faith?” Kylie asked, completely serious.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Tom Hanks got off the island. He actually pursued Wilson, went after him. And while pursuing, he was rescued.”
“He went back to a life that was completely different and looked nothing like the life he’d known.”
“We’re never the same, Eve. The things we go through change us. We’re like a riverbed, always shifting, always changing.”
“You’re so smart,” Eve told her friend. “Seriously, Kylie, I’m not sure I would have survived without you.”
“You would have survived. Your deserted island isn’t so deserted. And He’s listening, even when you think He isn’t.”
God. Of course He was. She hadn’t abandoned her faith. Sometimes she felt it had abandoned her. From inside the apartment she could hear crying. She had to go in. Had to face Ethan and make a plan.
“Here we go,” she said.
Kylie pushed the door open and Eve entered ahead of her. Ethan was in the bathroom, and Sierra sat on the sofa holding Tori away from her. Tori was crying. Sierra wasn’t far from it.
Eve bit down on her bottom lip to fight the laughter that bubbled up.
“Don’t you dare laugh,” Sierra warned. “Seriously, don’t.”
“You’re definitely not on the island alone,” Kylie chuckled.
No, Eve wasn’t alone. But she did feel a little like she’d stepped back into the world and realized that, once again, everything had changed.
* * *
Sprawled out on the sofa, Ethan looked up at the woman looming over him. Okay, she wasn’t looming. Peering with disgust, her nose wrinkled, her eyes reflecting...humor?
“It isn’t funny.” He ground the words out and closed his eyes as another wave of nausea hit.
“You have to get him out of here,” the roommate with the auburn hair spoke from behind Eve. “Seriously, he’s contaminating the entire place. We’ll all be sick.”
“What do you expect me to do with him?” Eve shot back. She turned her chair a bit.
He opened his eyes and saw that her friend had picked up Tori and was settling her in Eve’s lap. Maybe he hadn’t planned to get sick but he couldn’t help seeing the benefits. Eve holding Tori close while she surveyed what had to be his less than pleasing appearance.
The roommate gave a disgusted groan.
“Drag him out by his feet. I don’t care what you do with him. Just get him out.”
“Calm down,” Kylie ordered. “We’ll take him to Jack’s. If we confine him to the upstairs, no one else will catch it.”
“I’m sure we’re already exposed,” Eve reasoned.
“Bleach,” Sierra said. “Spray him down with bleach. Spray the couch with bleach.”
Eve started to laugh. The sound took him by surprise, even if he didn’t appreciate it at that particular moment.
“Who knew you were a germaphobe?” she told her friend.
“I’m not. I just enjoy good health and want to keep it that way. Could you please, please get him out of here?” She shoved the trash can at him and walked away.
Moments later he could hear water running in the kitchen.
“We need a plan,” Eve said.
“Right now?” Ethan asked. “I’m sure this is only a twenty-four-hour thing. I just need to find a place to let it run its course.”
“Tori?” she spoke softly.
“You can do this, Eve.”
“What if she gets sick, too?”
“She’s always been healthy,” he assured her. “I’m always healthy.”
“Yeah, until now. Should I call someone? Your mom? She could come up and take care of you.”
“I’m thirty-one years old, not three. I can take care of myself. And if you meant to ask my mom to come up and take care of Tori, no. Just no. She’s busy with the ranch and with the guesthouse.”
“I know.”
He shot her a look. “Call your mom and ask for help.”
“No fair.”
“Maybe not, but I don’t think you realize how much you’ve hurt them by pushing them out of your life.”
She opened her mouth and he knew she meant to deny the accusation but then she didn’t. Instead she glanced away but not before he saw a flicker of pain in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“You’re not the one who has to apologize.”
He would have said more but another wave of nausea hit. She backed away from him, clearly trying to distance herself from whatever virus had him in its grip.
“Do you think you can make it to Jack’s?” Kylie West asked after a few minutes. “I called Isaac and he’s unlocking the back door. You can go upstairs and we’ll quarantine you in a room with a bathroom.”
“I can make it,” he said. “I could even rent a room if there’s one available. I don’t want to make anyone else sick.”
“I’m sure it’s too late for that!” the redheaded roommate yelled from some distant part of the house.
Eve laughed. “This is almost worth it if it means getting under Sierra’s skin.”
“Yeah, I did this just for your pleasure.” Ethan sat up. Tori grinned at him, that perfect toothless smile of hers that made him realize she was worth the trouble. This might not have been his plan, raising a child, finding Eve, but Tori was worth it. She deserved everything he could give her.
He made eye contact with his former fiancée. Tori deserved Eve. She deserved her love. She deserved her presence in her life.
“There are things you need to know.” He got the words out, past a wave of nausea. “Man, this is terrible. I haven’t had a virus like this in years. It makes me feel like I’m in grade school all over again.”
“If it makes you feel better, you don’t look like you’re in grade school. You have a little gray.” Eve touched her hair above her ear.
“Yeah, well, I’m a little older than I was the last time I saw you.”
Her smile dissolved. “What do I need to know about Tori? Although it might have been helpful if you’d given me this advice yesterday. When you took off and left her with me.”
He reached for the bottle of water the unsympathetic roommate had left on the table before she escaped. He presumed it was meant for him. She’d also left crackers.
“So?”
“There are diapers, wipes and food in my car. And a can of formula. I usually keep a bottle of water at night. It’s to help wean her from nightly feedings. Or so my mom told me.”
“This is temporary, Ethan. I’ll help you until you can get back on your feet. But then you have to leave. I can’t do this. I...” She looked down at the little girl sitting securely on her lap. Her heart was breaking. He could see it in her expression, as if she was shattered on the inside and no longer believed in her own abilities. But looking around, everything he’d seen, she was accomplished. She had survived and rebuilt her life.
Or so it appeared. Appearances could be deceiving, he knew. His little sister had suffered throughout high school, bullied and beat down by others because of a birthmark on her face. They hadn’t known until it was almost too late.
Eve’s words made him consider letting her off the hook. He could walk away, pretend she didn’t matter to him or to Tori. That would make things easier. He could go to court and tell the judge that he would be the sole provider for Tori and hope for the best.
Nowhere in his plans had he ever seen himself in this role, as a single parent. For that reason, Eve didn’t get a pass. She didn’t get to wash her hands of this and pretend it didn’t affect her.
“You can do this,” he assured her.
She didn’t look convinced. She looked frightened. And that wasn’t the Eve he’d always known. His Evie had been fearless. She’d been the kind of person who took on anyone and anything. Man, he’d missed her. He’d missed her presence more than he could possibly say.
He wondered if any of that Eve remained or if she’d completely abandoned the person he’d known. One thing was for certain, she’d been able to throw away not only a friendship but an engagement. She’d done so without giving him the opportunity to play a part in the decision-making process. That was hard to forgive.
But he would forgive her. In time. They both needed time.
Right now what he needed most was a quiet room and a bed.
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