Picnics in Hyde Park

5

She was downstairs again half an hour later, this time accompanied by Jasper and Aimee. After putting up with five minutes of moaning and groaning when she’d tried to get them up—aware of what they were like in the morning from Melody—she’d resorted to motivating them with a little competition. Zoe’s Ten Minute Challenge had worked like a dream with Ava and Grace and it had worked a treat with Matt’s children too. The added opportunity of picking a place of their choice to go had acted as a wonderful incentive for them to get washed and dressed with teeth brushed within the allocated time.

Aimee had narrowly won the contest which had triggered a tantrum from Jasper. Zoe had felt distinctively unimpressed and worried about a child of school age reacting like a toddler, and after telling him she’d be in the other room, had waited him out, pulling his door halfway closed while she helped Aimee pack a rucksack. The girl had looked at her a few times, mouth opening to say something but had shut it again each time.

‘I give him two minutes,’ Zoe had whispered out the side of her mouth.

Aimee smiled, as if to say, in your dreams.

He was done in just under. It wasn’t long, yet he hollered pretty loudly and she was half expecting Matt to come thundering up the stairs to demand what was going on, but he didn’t appear.

Seeing Jasper’s feet approach from the corner of her eye, she’d stood up, passing the rucksack to Aimee. ‘Ready to go downstairs?’

The girl nodded, her auburn ponytail bobbing, blue eyes wide and looking impressed, possibly by Zoe’s prediction about the length of Jasper’s tantrum being right.

Jasper inched forward. ‘Can I come too?’ he hiccuped, rubbing at his green eyes, so much like Matt’s.

Zoe wasn’t fooled for a second; if they were real tears she’d put on trousers and call herself Bob.

‘I suppose so,’ she replied briskly, ‘if you’re ready?’

He pursed his lips like he was considering his options, then tucked his hands in his pockets, small dark head bobbing. ‘Yes.’

‘It was sort of silly behaviour, wasn’t it?’ she remarked conversationally as they wandered down the stairs, Aimee trailing behind them. ‘After all, you can’t always win. You’ll just have to try really hard next time to be even faster. And I heard that you’re a big boy. Your dad told me you’re starting school soon and your birthday is not long after.’

‘Yes!’ his eyes brightened. ‘In forty sleeps time on the second of September I go to school. It was forty, Melody helped me count before she went,’ his little face clouded over, ‘and I’ve been counting by myself but I’m not sure I’m right…and my birthday is on the third day of September. I’ll be five,’ he finished proudly.

Zoe gulped hard, upset for him and her sister that Mel wasn’t going to be here to see him start school, or for his birthday. But she said nothing. It would do no good to upset him further and it wouldn’t be fair to quiz a four year-old about adult decisions. ‘Well then, you need to have a big think about what you might do at school if you lose a game, because if you get cross like that the teacher will probably make you sit on your own and the other kids might not want to play with you. I bet you want to make friends, don’t you?’ she affirmed by nodding.

‘Yes,’ he agreed seriously.

‘So you have to find ways to not be cross. It’s okay not to win everything, all right? As long as you try your best that’s all that matters. If you feel angry about something, tell me and we can work out how to make you feel better. I know some really cool counting games. Can you do that for me? Will you let me know?’

‘Uh-huh. That would be super cool. Holly might like to play those games with us.’

‘Holly?’ Her face froze, and she stopped on the spiral staircase. Who the heck was Holly? Had Matt moved on to someone new already? He’d only supposedly split with the pop star ex-fiancée just over a week ago. No wonder the kids were confused and insecure if he paraded an endless stream of women through their lives. Why wouldn’t he have told her about a girlfriend? As their nanny, she needed to know these things. Every person in his life was part of his children’s world, a role model or an influence.

‘She’s ‘Ncle Noel’s girlfwiend.’ Jasper lisped as he stared up at her.

Zoe had noticed that one of his two front teeth was not quite fully grown and occasionally affected his speech, but knew it would improve as the tooth grew. ‘I thought the only uncle you have is Stephen?’ she said. ‘Did your mummy have a brother?’

‘No, don’t think so,’ Jasper looked puzzled, glancing over his shoulder at his sister, who shook her head.

‘So who’s Noel then?’ she asked gently, switching her gaze between both children.

‘Daddy’s friend,’ Jasper replied, ‘and my g- g…’ He screwed his face up, rounded cheeks puffing out. ‘My g- something. Can’t remember. But Holly is really, really, really good at ice skating,’ he said excitedly, ‘just like me, we can both skate backwards but she can do spins but I can’t yet and she has long yellow hair and blue eyes and white skin and her teeth sparkle and she makes ‘Ncle Noel smile even though he hates Chwistmas and can be really gwumpy,’ he finished on a gasp of breath.

‘Wow!’ Zoe grinned, ‘Holly sounds amazing! Noel is a lucky guy.’

As Jasper nodded eagerly at her summation, Aimee leaned into Zoe’s side and whispered softly in her ear. ‘Godfather.’

‘Ah. Thank you Aimee,’ she turned her head and murmured back in a low key tone, trying not to look too triumphant that the girl had actually spoken to her. Neither should she get a big head. Aimee had probably only supplied the information through frustration at her brother’s inability to remember Noel’s role in their lives.

When she looked at Aimee and saw her downturned face and pink cheeks, she knew it’d been right not to make a fuss. Starting down the stairs again, she watched to make sure Jasper didn’t trip over his own feet.

‘So, I bet you’ll be extra quick tonight when you get ready for bed, Jasper. Do you think you might be able to beat your sister then?’

‘I’ll try my best!’

‘Good boy.’ Another victory, he’d taken something on board. ‘Same goes for you,’ she said casually at Aimee over one shoulder, ‘anything you need, just ask.’

Aimee didn’t reply, but her expression when Zoe flicked a look at her was quietly grateful.

Zoe felt strangely nervous on reaching the ground floor. Matt had given the impression the other nannies dressed smartly, but she had no idea what they wore in Knightsbridge, so had gone ultra-smart. Was she over-egging it in her grey knee length skirt and matching nipped-in jacket? She probably looked like she was off to the city for an interview. Plus she was going to fry in it. Her body temperature was already climbing.

She gestured the children to go in front of her. ‘Come on, time to say good morning to your dad.’

Aimee turned around, pale red brows drawing together.

‘But we can’t go in and see Daddy in the morning,’ Jasper piped up, ‘we’re not allowed into his office. He finds us to say hello and goodbye when he leaves for work if he can.’

‘Sometimes,’ Aimee supplied in a barely audible voice, staring at her feet.

What? Melody had said he could be closed off from the children, but she hadn’t expected that they weren’t allowed to see him in the morning. ‘I’m sure he’ll want to see you now that you’re up,’ she said blandly. ‘Don’t worry, come on.’

Jasper took a step forward then stopped again and Zoe’s feet tangled with his. ‘Whoa!’ She grabbed him and steadied them both.

‘Melody never let us into Daddy’s office,’ he insisted.

Unluckily for your dad, I’m not Melody. She thought inwardly. I’m far more stubborn for a start.

‘I understand that,’ she said, holding his anxious gaze, ‘but I do things differently and I think your dad will want to say hello to you.’ She squeezed his shoulder. ‘Come on.’

Aimee raised an eyebrow and Zoe could read in her clear blue eyes that she thought their new nanny was making a mistake, but given Jasper had changed his mind and was now racing ahead, she shrugged and followed her little brother to the office door.

Zoe reached above their heads and knocked on it twice firmly, feeling sweat forming in the small of her back. It was so darned hot already. This suit was going to kill her. When there was no answer, she knocked again. After a minute, she lost patience and reached around Jasper’s head, grabbing the door handle and nudging the kids into the room.

Matt spun around in the ergonomic office chair, a scowl on his incredibly good looking face, the desk behind him a chaos of paper, pens, Post-It notes and gadgets.

‘Yep, what is it?’ he turned back to the Mac screen.

‘Aimee and Jasper wanted to say good morning.’

‘Sorry. I’m busy.’ He tapped a few buttons and rubbed the back of his neck.

‘I’m sure you can spare a minute.’ She kept her tone light.

‘Not really.’ He replied vaguely, moving the wireless mouse around. ‘I’m in the middle of something.’

She gritted her teeth. What the heck was the matter with him? Where was the kind, light-hearted guy from earlier in the kitchen?

‘They’re not sure you’ll find them to say goodbye before you leave,’ she explained in a gentle voice for the children’s sakes, ‘which I understand happens sometimes?’

As she said it, Aimee dropped her gaze to study the floor and Jasper started jiggling up and down on the spot.

‘Hmmm?’ Matt tapped some keys again.

‘Matt? Matt!’

‘Yes?’ He looked at her over his shoulder, eyes distant.

Maybe he wasn’t being rude, he was just caught up in what he was doing. She chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. ‘I know you’re not saying you don’t have time to say good morning to Aimee and Jasper,’ she stared at him meaningfully, ‘and I’m sure that if you need uninterrupted work time you’ll go to the office.’ She let that giant hint sit there. ‘It’s fine if you don’t want to speak to me about that other thing now,’ she said softly, giving him a way to make this quick, ‘so this will only take a moment. Kids, go and say morning to your dad. Give him a big squeezy hug.’

Jasper stared uncertainly from his big sister to his dad and back to Zoe, who immediately saw the tension in both children’s shoulders. Looking across the room she saw an equal tension in the set of Matt’s arms, and the way his jaw was clenched.

What was going on here? They never hugged? Zoe was utterly shocked, looking at her boss’s closed expression. What kind of family was this, so shut off from one another? And why hadn’t Melody told her how bad things were? They were young children for God’s sakes. They needed warmth, love and affection to build their self-worth, to feel secure and happy. Self-esteem was crucial to their development and the people they would become.

‘No. I mean, we don’t usually…’ Matt started saying, trailing off as Zoe shook her head slightly then nodded at Aimee to show him how his daughter’s chin was tucked tight against her chest, fingers twisting nervously in the hem of her top. She gestured with a small wave at Jasper, bopping up and down, green eyes wide.

Don’t push your children away, can’t you see what you’re doing to them? Zoe tried to communicate what she was thinking to Matt, looking at him with begging but determined eyes. Her tone was firm. ‘We’ll be out of your hair as soon as it’s done. Just a minute, I promise.’

Staring from one child to another, he tapped his fingers on his knee, shoulders hunched over. Zoe could see the pained indecision on his face, but after a brief hesitation while he studied Aimee’s pose, he conceded with a curt nod, face twisting with something she couldn’t peg.

Full of relief, Zoe smiled brightly at Matt and his mouth swung open, looking surprised. Bending over she peered up into Aimee’s face. ‘Go on,’ she encouraged. ‘Your dad’s ready for his hug now.’

Aimee frowned.

‘He is. Come on, look at him. Get to it!’

The girl gave Zoe a look of pure disbelief but cocked her head around her to look at her dad. He crooked his fingers at her, jaw flexing again.

Aimee bit her lip and threw her a look. If this goes wrong, it’s on you.

Zoe smiled bravely. Fair enough.

Shrugging her thin shoulders, Aimee wandered towards her dad, throwing a quick glance at her little brother, who was watching the action with interest, still jiggling away. Matt flushed as his daughter approached him, face still rigid, but moved forward in his chair, normally graceful movements strangely uncoordinated.

They wrapped their arms around each other hesitantly, and it was one of the most awkward hugs Zoe had ever seen, but then something in Matt seemed to unravel and he relaxed, muscular arms tightening around Aimee, eyes closing. He rested his head against her auburn hair, swallowing hard, and then opened his eyes and arms, inviting his son into their little circle.

Jasper sprang across the room like he’d been waiting for years, hurling himself at his dad and sister, his small face full of innocent joy as he snuggled into them. Matt scooped them tighter against his broad chest, closing his eyes again and Zoe melted a little as she saw his love for his kids. Why he wasn’t usually affectionate with them she didn’t know. He was a natural once he loosened up. And why she found him so extraordinarily sexy holding his children, her knickers melting along with her heart, she couldn’t work out. She fanned herself. It was getting hotter inside and outside.

Maybe it was a biological thing programmed in by evolution, the sight of a big, capable tough man protecting his children triggering a need to make more. It might explain why the famous Athena poster of a bare-chested man holding a tiny baby had sold so many millions of copies. God only knew, but whatever it was, she didn’t like the tender feelings racing through her. It was totally and utterly wrong. She started backing toward the door, intent on escape and happy to leave them to their private family moment. Maybe she’d splash her face with cold water to cool down.

‘Kids,’ Matt said huskily as he opened his eyes and saw her exit attempt, ‘can you go into the kitchen and sit at the table? Zoe will be there in a minute.’ He released them, standing up. ‘Close the door on your way out please.’

Oh, crap.

Both children smiled widely at her as they left the room, and Zoe smiled back with pleasure for them but a sinking feeling in her stomach. As soon as the door shut she stepped forward, needing to take control of the situation. Waiting to be bawled out was awful. ‘I’m sorry if I ambushed you, but I had no idea that’s the way things were,’ she was aware her voice was both apologetic and defiant, ‘and really you can’t expect me to let you reject your children by not hugging them and they’re bound to want to see you in the mornings, they’re kids, they need to know you love them. Also how would you feel if you didn’t see them and then something happened to one of them, you’d regret it and—’

‘Whoa! Slow down, Zoe! Wait a minute.’ Matt held up his hands, walking toward her, forest green eyes searching her face. He shook his head and blew out a long, slow breath, gathering his thoughts. ‘Look, I wasn’t pleased at the interruption when you first came in, I’ll admit. When I’m disturbed I find it really hard to get back into whatever I’m working on and sometimes I have to start again, which seems to take twice as long. I guess it comes with being creative. I get so immersed I lose track of myself and what’s going on around me, and then when I’m yanked out of that place I find it jarring. I know that can be difficult for other people to understand,’ he stated. ‘I’ll also admit that I don’t like feeling slightly bullied by you and your steely, don’t mess with me eyes…I mean, at one point I was scared you were going to kill me if I didn’t hug the kids,’ he chuckled, ‘but I can see that you were in a tough position. You weren’t to know that we’re not really the hugging types,’ he trailed off, looking uncertain. ‘When you forced me look at Aimee and I saw…what I saw, well, you were right to insist. But you don’t get to tell me how to raise my children, and there will be some things I won’t give in to,’ he emphasised.

‘It was the right thing to do, and I don’t regret it,’ she defended, ‘but if you feel bullied, I’m sorry. I also accept that you’re their dad and should know what’s best for them.’ Except that for years he’d given them little physical affection and appeared to have kept them at the periphery of his attention. She also knew from Jasper’s chatter at bedtime the night before, that Matt had signed them up for hobbies they detested, like horse-riding, draughts and fencing. So at the moment, she needed convincing that he had their best interests at heart.

‘Why do I feel like there’s an unspoken criticism in there somewhere?’ he asked dryly, rubbing a hand through his messy dark hair.

She shrugged, letting him fill the silence. Sometimes you had to let other people do the talking, to realise things for themselves.

‘Look. I love my kids, and I spend a lot of time protecting them,’ he stated. ‘Not everyone shows their love in the same overt way. Everyone’s different. But believe me, I work hard to provide for them and be a positive role model,’ he sucked in his cheeks, ‘I just hadn’t realised how much the lack of affection has affected them. Melody, my last nanny, never said anything about it and she was with us for three years,’ he frowned.

No way was she going to criticise her sister, even if she was wondering the same as Matt. ‘Perhaps she shouldn’t have had to. In any case, as you said, everyone’s different. Maybe she didn’t feel able to bring it up with you. You can be a bit… erm, never mind,’ she raced on when he raised both eyebrows, ‘I’m just more confident than some people. So, when and why did you stop hugging them?’ She gazed at him, wanting to know the story despite the fact that she shouldn’t care.

‘I’m really intrigued as to what I’m a bit of, but won’t hold you to it,’ Matt’s stern mouth quirked up on one side, before his face turned grim. ‘I don’t want to talk about it though Zoe, if you don’t mind. However, I’ll make more of an effort going forward.’ His expression was written with guilt. ‘They both looked so happy.’