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“That’s not a solution, that’s avoidance. Your business is here. Your life is here. You love New York. Why would you leave?”
“Because now he’s here I’m not sure I love it anymore.”
“Where would you go?”
“I’ve heard Hawaii is pretty.”
“You’re not going to Hawaii. You’re going to channel your inner warrior and go see him. You’re going to say, ‘Hi, Seth, how’s the family?’ And then you’re going to let him talk. And when he’s finished talking you’re going to notice the time and leave. Done. How do you know he won’t be pleased to see you?”
“Our relationship didn’t exactly end in a good way.”
“But it was a long time ago. He will have moved on, as you have. He’s probably married.”
The glass slipped through Fliss’s nerveless fingers but fortunately didn’t break. “He’s married?”
Why did she even care whether he was married or not? What relevance did it have? What was wrong with her?
“I don’t know he’s married. I was just putting it out there, but clearly I shouldn’t have.” Ever practical, Harriet retrieved the glass and started mopping up water.
“You see? I can’t possibly talk to him because I’m not in charge of my emotions. But you are. You should definitely pretend to be me. That way you could have this conversation and get it over with and you won’t feel awkward.”
Harriet straightened. “I haven’t pretended to be you since I was twelve.”
“Fourteen. You’re forgetting that time when I pretended to be you in biology.”
“Because that sleazy creep wouldn’t stop tormenting me about my stammer. Johnny Hill. You punched him. How could I have forgotten that?”
“I don’t know. It was a great day.”
“Are you kidding? You had to have eight stitches in your head. You still have the scar.”
“But he never touched you again, did he? And neither did anyone else.” Fliss grinned and rubbed her fingers along the scar hidden under her hair. “You got a reputation for being scary. So you owe me. Go and see Seth. Be me. It’s easy. Just do and say everything you’d never do or say and you’ll be convincing.”
Harriet gave a wry smile. “You’re not such a bad girl, Felicity Knight.”
“I used to be. And Seth paid the price.”
“Stop it.” Harriet’s voice was firm. “Stop saying that. Stop thinking it.”
“How? It’s the truth.” But she’d paid it, too, and it seemed as if those payments never stopped. “If I could find a way to avoid seeing him, I would. I have no idea what to say to a man whose life I ruined.”
* * *
FOUR BLOCKS AWAY Seth Carlyle had his hands full of moody cocker spaniel.
“How long has he been like this?”
“Like what? Angry?”
“I meant, how long has he been limping?”
“Oh.” The woman frowned. “About a week.”
Seth examined the dog thoroughly. The dog snarled, and he eased the pressure of his fingers. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to hurt you. Just need to take a good look and see what’s going on here.” He kept his voice and his touch gentle and felt the animal relax under his hands.
“He likes you.” The woman looked at him with surprise and dawning respect. “Dr. Steve says you’re helping him out. Said you were a big-shot vet who worked in some animal hospital in California.”
“I don’t know about the first part, but the second part is true.”
“So why leave California? Tired of all that sunshine and blue skies?”
“Something like that.” Seth smiled and turned his attention back to the dog. “I’m going to run some tests and see if those will give us the answers we want.”
“Do you think it’s serious?”
“I suspect it’s a soft-tissue injury, but there are a few other conditions I need to rule out.” He gave some instructions to the vet technician, ran some tests and checked the X-ray. “We should limit his exercise.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“Make sure you keep him in a small space.”
“No more walks in Central Park?”
“Not for the time being. And give him some time in his crate.”
Once he’d completed the notes, he walked to Reception.
“Meredith?”
“Hi, Dr. Carlyle.” Her face turned pink, and she dropped the magazine she’d been reading under the desk. “Is there something I can do for you? Coffee? Bagel? Anything at all? You just need to ask. We’re so grateful to you for stepping in and helping out.” It was clear from the look in her eyes that anything wasn’t an exaggeration, but Seth ignored the unspoken invitation and the hopeful look in her eyes.
“I’m good, thanks. Did I miss any calls while I was in the clinic?”
“Yes.” She checked the notepad in front of her. “Mrs. Cook called to tell you Buster’s wound is looking better. One of the vet techs took the call. And Geoff Hammond called about his pooch. I put him through to Steve.”
“That’s it?” He felt a stab of disappointment, and Meredith checked again, desperate to please.
“Yeah, that’s it.” She glanced up. “Why? Were you expecting someone in particular?”
My ex-wife.
“No.” His reason for asking wasn’t something he intended to share.
He’d been waiting for her to come to him. Thinking about it, he realized he was treating Fliss much the same way he’d treat an injured, frightened animal. With patience. No sudden moves.
He couldn’t even pretend that perhaps she didn’t know he was here. He’d run into her brother, Daniel, on his second night in Manhattan. It had been an uncomfortable encounter, and it had been obvious from the tension heating the air that the animosity Daniel Knight felt toward him hadn’t diminished over time. Daniel would have told Fliss that Seth was in Manhattan. The Knight siblings were so close they might as well have been sutured together. He suspected that part of the reason for that was their stormy family life. Growing up they’d formed a bond. Seth didn’t blame Daniel for being protective of Fliss. Someone had to be, and it hadn’t been her father.
He’d met her when she’d been a leggy fourteen years old. She’d been part of the group who hung out together on the beach during those long, blissful summers in the Hamptons. At first glance she was indistinguishable from her twin, but anyone who spent a few minutes in their company would have known which twin they were talking to. Harriet was reserved and thoughtful. Fliss was wild and impulsive and attacked life as if she was leading an army into battle. She was first into the water and last out, swimming or surfing until the final rays of the sun had burned out over the ocean. She was bold, brave, loyal and fiercely protective of her quieter sister. She was also a daredevil, but he’d sensed a level of desperation to her actions, almost as if she wanted someone to challenge her. He’d had the feeling sometimes that she was living life just a little too hard, determined to prove something.
He’d known nothing about her family life that first summer. Her grandmother had owned the beach house on the bay for decades and was well-known in the area. Her daughter and children visited every summer, but unlike his own mother, who was actively involved in the local community both at the beach and back in their home in upstate New York, Fliss’s mother was virtually invisible.
And then one day the rumors had started. They’d trickled along the narrow lanes and into the village stores. A couple of people passing had heard raised voices and then the sound of a car driving too fast along the narrow island roads toward the main highway. The rumors spread from person to person, whispers and questions, until finally Seth heard them. Marriage problems. Family problems.
Seth had rarely seen her father. Almost all his impressions of the man had come from Fliss and Harriet’s reaction to him.
“Dr. Carlyle?” Meredith’s voice brought him back to the present, reminding him that his reason for being here was to move forward, not backward.
Since he’d arrived in New York he’d seen Fliss twice. The first time had been in Central Park on his first day in Manhattan. She’d been walking two dogs, an exuberant Dalmatian and a misbehaving German shepherd who had seemed determined to challenge her skills. She’d been too far in the distance for him to engineer a meeting, so he’d simply watched as she’d strode away from him, noticing the changes.
Her hair was the same smooth buttermilk blond, pinned haphazardly at the top of her head in a style that could have been named “afterthought.” Lean and athletic, she walked with purpose and a touch of impatience. It had been her attitude that had convinced him he was looking at Fliss and not Harriet.
She’d grown into a confident woman, but that didn’t surprise him. She’d never been short of fight.
He was desperate to see her face, to look into those eyes and see the flare of recognition, but she was too far away and didn’t turn her head.
The second time he’d seen her had been outside the office. The fact that she was hovering indecisively convinced him again that this was Fliss and not her sister. He guessed she’d been trying to summon up courage to confront him, and for a moment he’d believed maybe they were finally on their way to having the conversation they should have had a decade before. He’d also witnessed the exact moment she’d lost her nerve and fled.
He’d felt a burst of exasperation and frustration, followed by an increased determination that this time they were going to talk.
The last time they’d seen each other the atmosphere had been full of emotion. It had filled the air like thick smoke from a fire, choking everything. Maybe, if she’d been different, more willing to talk, they could have stumbled their way through it, but Fliss, as always, had refused to reveal her feelings, and although he had more than enough feelings for both of them, he’d not known how to reach her. The brief intimacy that had connected them had vanished.
He refused to believe that connection had been purely physical, but it had been the physical that had devoured their attention.
If he could have wound time backward he would have done it all differently, but the past was gone and there was only the present.
They’d had no contact for ten years, so this was always going to be an awkward meeting for both of them, but it was a meeting that was long overdue, and if she wasn’t going to come to him, then he was left with only one option.
He’d go to her.
He’d tried leaving it alone. He’d tried pushing it into his past. Neither had worked, and he’d come to the conclusion that tackling it head-on was the only way forward.
He wanted the conversation they should have had a decade before. He wanted answers to the questions that had lain dormant in his head. Most of all, he wanted closure.
Maybe then he could move on.
CHAPTER TWO
HARRIET’S PHONE RANG just after 5:30 a.m., and Fliss was already halfway through the door. She’d been woken early by one of their dog walkers who’d picked up stomach flu after a night out and couldn’t crawl out of her bed let alone walk an energetic dog. Thoughts of Barney the bulldog waiting patiently in his owner’s apartment in Tribeca for someone who wasn’t going to turn up drove Fliss from the comfort of her bed a full hour before she would normally have forced herself upright.
At least it was walking a dog.
She liked the simplicity of dealing with animals. Animals never tried to force you to talk about things you didn’t want to talk about.
“Harry? Someone is calling you.” She yelled her sister’s name and then cursed as she heard the shower running.
Knowing there was no way her sister was going to hear the phone through the sound of running water, she eyed the device, torn between the need to leave and do battle with the subway, and the almost irresistible lure of possible new business.
They’d call back.
But Harriet might not answer it because she hated talking to strangers on the phone. And then they’d lose business.
Damn. She closed the front door, checked the number and frowned as she answered.
“Grams?”
“Harriet? Oh, I’m so glad I’ve reached you, honey.”
“I’m—” Felicity was about to say that she wasn’t Harriet, but her grandmother was still speaking.
“I don’t want to worry you, but I had a fall.”
“A fall? How? Where? How bad?”
“I tripped in the garden. So silly of me. I was trying to do something about the fact it’s so overgrown. And the gate is so rusty it will hardly open. You remember how it always made a noise?”
“Yes.” Fliss stared through the window of her apartment. She’d poured oil on the gate to try to stop its creaking when she’d sneaked out in the night to meet Seth. “Are you hurt? Where are you now?”
“I’m in the hospital. Would you believe I’m in the same room they put me in when I had my gallbladder removed ten years ago?”
“What?” She shouldn’t be thinking about Seth. “Grams, that’s awful!”
“It’s perfect. This room has a beautiful view of the garden. I’m very pleased to be here, and they’re taking very good care of me.”
“I meant awful that you’re in the hospital, not awful about having a nice room.”
“Well, it’s not so awful while I’m here. The awful part will be when they send me home. And they won’t do that until I assure them I have someone there to keep an eye on me for a while. I think it’s a fuss about nothing, but I’m a little bruised and apparently I was unconscious for a while.” There was a pause. “I was wondering—I hate to ask since I know the two of you are so busy with your business, but is there any chance you could come just for a few weeks? Just until I’m back on my feet? I’m too far from town to be able to manage easily, and if I can’t drive I’m going to struggle. Would Fliss be able to manage without you? It would mean leaving New York, but you always used to love the summers here.”
It would mean leaving New York.
They were the best words she’d heard in a while.
Fliss tightened her grip on the phone. “Leave New York?” Her mind raced ahead. “You want me to spend the summer with you?”
“A few weeks should be enough. I’ll need help with the shopping and cooking, and simple things around the house. Just until I’m back on my feet and mobile. And then there’s Charlie, of course. I don’t know how I’m going to walk him, and he does need exercise.”
Fliss winced. Charlie was her grandmother’s beagle. He was stubborn and single-minded. He also bayed a lot, which meant Fliss invariably resorted to headache tablets whenever she visited.
Biting back her natural response, she reminded herself that she was pretending to be Harriet.
“How is darling Charlie?” She almost choked on the words. How did her sister manage it? How was she so unfailingly kind and generous?
“Too energetic for me to handle for a while, and you’re so lovely with him. I shouldn’t have got another dog at my age, but he brings me so much joy. Sadly I can’t cope with him if I’m resting.”
“Of course you can’t.” Fliss glanced up as Harriet emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. “I’ll come.”
“You will? Oh, you’re such a good girl. You always were.”
No, she wasn’t. She’d never been a good girl. That was the problem. And even now she was doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. But she was doing it, so that was what counted, wasn’t it? Did it really matter if she had her own reasons for wanting to escape the city?
“When are you able to come home, Grams?”
“The day after tomorrow if you’re able to pick me up from the hospital. You’ll need to rent a car—”
“No problem. I’ll handle that.” She felt a rush of relief. The cloud that had dampened her mood for the past few weeks lifted. Here was the perfect solution to her problem, right under her nose. She didn’t have to fly to Hawaii. She didn’t even have to leave the state of New York. “Take care, Grams. I’ll give your love to Fliss.” She ended the call, and Harriet raised her eyebrows.
“Why are you giving love to yourself?”
“She thought I was you.”
“And saying, ‘I’m Fliss, not Harry,’ didn’t enter your head?”
“I was about to say that, but then my genius plan came into my head instead.”
“Suddenly I’m nervous.”
“You know I mentioned going to Hawaii? Turns out I don’t need to. I’m going to spend the summer in the Hamptons.”
“Summer in the Hamptons?”
Fliss grinned. “Yeah, you remember the place. Beaches, villages, sand and surf, ice cream dripping on your fingers, traffic and tourists—”
“I know all about the Hamptons. I also know you usually avoid it.”
“I avoid it because I’m afraid I might bump into Seth, but Seth is in Manhattan. If I go to the Hamptons I can walk instead of skulking. And Grams needs me.”
“I thought it was me she needed.”
“We’re interchangeable.”
“Why does she need you? Has something happened?”
“She had a fall. She’s in the hospital but they’re letting her go home as long as someone is there for her.”
“Oh no! Poor Grams.” Harriet looked horrified. “Why didn’t you tell her it was you on the phone?”
“Because then she would have asked to speak to you. She wanted you, not me. She probably doesn’t think I’ll be a good nurse.” She wondered, just for a moment, what it would be like to be the one everyone wanted around. “And she’s probably right.”
Harriet sighed. “Fliss—”
“What? We both know I’m not the nurturing type, but I swear if you agree to let me go and stay here instead, I’ll take really good care of her. I’ll do anything. I’ll bathe her. I’ll be sympathetic. I’ll walk Charlie.”
“You don’t even like Charlie.”
“I take exception to his selective deafness, that’s all. I hate the way he has to smell absolutely everything we pass. He almost pulled my arm out of its socket last time I walked him.”
“He’s a beagle. Beagles are hunting dogs.”
“He shouldn’t be hunting when I’m walking him.”
“He’s the perfect dog for Grams. She can’t walk as fast these days, but that just gives Charlie more sniffing time. I think beagles are incredible. They’re basically a nose on four legs.”
“You think all dogs are incredible. And Charlie is not so incredible when he’s baying. But I’ll handle it. I’ll handle everything. I’ll even hug him if that’s what it takes. And I’ll tell you everything that is happening and I’ll do anything you ask. I’ll even make your chocolate chip cookies.”
“No!” Harriet looked alarmed. “Don’t do that. You’ll set the house on fire.”
“All right, no chocolate chip cookies.” Fliss flopped down onto the chair. The sheer relief at the prospect of a reprieve made her realize how stressed she’d been. “Please, Harry. I really need to get out of Manhattan. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t relax, I’m not sleeping, and when I don’t sleep I’m in a continually rotten mood—”
“I’d noticed. Fine, go.” Harriet rubbed the ends of her hair with the towel. “But you’ll have to tell Grams the truth. You can’t pretend to be me. That crosses a line.”
Fliss didn’t comment.
She’d crossed so many lines in her life she no longer knew which side of the line she stood on.
“I can’t tell her before I go. She might tell me she doesn’t want me.” There was an ache in the pit of her stomach. The truth was everyone wanted Harriet. Harriet was kind and generous. She was warm-natured and even-tempered. Harriet had never gone skinny-dipping. She’d never lied to a man and had wild sex on a beach. “I’ll tell her the moment I arrive and pick her up from the hospital.”
“Are you sure this is going to help? Sooner or later you’re going to have to come back and meet Seth. You’re postponing the inevitable, that’s all.”
“Postponing the inevitable looks good from where I’m standing. Never do today what you can put off until next week.”
Harriet folded the towel neatly. “All right. But the moment you pick Grams up from the hospital, you explain everything.”
“Absolutely.”
“You tell her what’s happened and you tell her you’re Fliss.”
“I will. That’s what I’m going to do.”
“No skinny-dipping.”
“Hey—” Fliss spread her hands “—I’m a reformed character.”
“No stealing tomatoes.”
“They were good tomatoes. And the family were away for the summer, or so I thought at the time.” Fliss grinned and then caught Harriet’s eye and stopped grinning. “But just to be safe I’ll buy tomatoes on one of the roadside stands, I promise. No taking produce that doesn’t belong to me, even if it is perfectly ripe and no one is picking it and I know it’s going to go to waste. No way would I do that.”
Harriet gave her a long look. “And what am I supposed to say if I bump into Seth?”
“You’re sure you couldn’t pretend to be me?”
“No.”
“Because you’re so honest.”
“Well, there’s that, but also I’m a terrible actor. And what if he kissed me thinking I was you?”
You’d be the luckiest woman on the planet.
Her stomach gave a lurch. “That wouldn’t happen. You’re not going to bump into him, but if you do then you smile and say hello. I suppose.” She shrugged. “If I knew what to say, I’d be saying it myself. I don’t think you’re going to run into him.”
“It’s because you’re afraid of running into him that you’re leaving.” Harriet gave her a pointed look. “And I use that vet practice all the time.”
“Then maybe you will run into him. But you’ll be fine. So will you hold the fort while I go to the Hamptons? I promise I’ll still do all the paperwork, handle the accounts and make any phone call that makes you feel nauseous.”
“All right.” Harriet walked toward the bedroom and paused in the doorway. “But don’t burn the house down.”
“No cooking. I promise.”
She’d promise anything. Anything. She couldn’t live here with Seth working just a few blocks away, knowing that she could bump into him at any moment.
She needed to get out of town.
* * *
“MOM WANTS TO know if you’ll be joining us in Vermont for the Fourth.” Vanessa’s voice held a trace of irritation.
Seth knew his younger sister well enough to know it was best ignored. She was an organizer, and no one else ever did things to her satisfaction. If she’d been an animal she would have been a sheepdog, rounding everyone up the way she wanted them. “I can’t get away. I’m working.”
“On the holiday weekend?”
“This may surprise you, Vanessa, but pets don’t always get sick according to a schedule.”
“You’re not the only vet in the state of New York. Can’t you switch with someone? We need to plan. We’ve rented two cabins at Snow Crystal Resort and Spa, right by the lake. It will be idyllic. And so good for Mom. This is all new. Nothing we’ve ever done before. It’s the land of maple syrup, applesauce and great hiking. The place has the best restaurant for miles around. I keep reading about the chef. She’s French. You know how much Mom loves everything French. And, best of all, there will be no reminders of Dad.”
Seth felt a wrench in his gut. His father’s sudden death was recent enough that he saw reminders everywhere. He wasn’t sure if they were painful or precious, but one thing he did know was that traveling to Vermont wouldn’t make the loss any easier to bear.
“Plan without me.”
“I’m planning with you, that’s why I’m calling.” There was a pause. “I thought you could invite Naomi.”
It was Seth’s turn to feel irritation. “Why would I do that?”
“Because she’s still in love with you! You dated her for almost a year, Seth.”
“And we broke up ten months ago.”
“Dad died and it was a terrible time. None of us were ourselves.”
It was more than that. So much more. “Drop it, Vanessa.”
“I will not.”
Families, he thought. “Why are you bringing this up now?”
“Because I don’t understand what’s going on with you. You meet the perfect woman and then you break up with her?”
“This isn’t your business, Vanessa. You don’t need to understand. It’s my relationship. My life.”