Winter's Fairytale
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‘Izz?’ His voice sounded unsure.
‘Sorry, yes?’ I came back from the lash envy.
‘Please don’t ever blame yourself for what happened. None of it was your fault. And I really don’t like to think of you believing that any of it was.’
I pulled a face. ‘I’m pretty sure some of it was down to me. I mean, it was me that he didn’t want to marry, after all.’
‘And he’s a fool for that!’ There was an edge to Rob’s voice that I’d rarely heard. I tried to meet his eyes but he’d already turned away. Letting go of my hands, he pushed my mug towards me.
‘This is getting cold.’
I leant forward and picked up the mug, cradling it in my hands, enjoying the warmth.
‘I wanted to say sorry for ignoring all your calls and texts, too. I don’t know why I did. Well, I do, I suppose.’
Rob still wasn’t looking at me. I carried on.
‘I was just embarrassed. At having been stood up. At having punched you. At having fled like an overly dramatic heroine in a Barbara Cartland novel. Just at everything. And I suppose I thought that having contact with you was too close to having contact with Steven.’
I felt Rob stiffen next to me.
‘I understand.’ His voice was tight. ‘As I said, you shouldn’t feel responsible for anything that happened that day. Everything that went wrong was down to Steven being a twat. It’s as simple as that. And I can see now why you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. What was supposed to be the best day of your life turned out to be one of the worst. And as the messenger, you’re always going to associate me with that day, that moment. It’s understandable. I guess I never thought about it like that. I just wanted to know that you were ok. Mags had assured me that you were – at least that you were putting on a brave face, which I knew you would. But I suppose I needed to see for myself. I realise now that I should have just taken Mags’ word and not barrelled in.’
‘Rob…’
He looked at me for the first time since he’d started his speech. ‘There’s something I do need you to know though. I am nothing like Steven. I would never, ever have done that to you – to anyone,’ he corrected himself, ‘I went to see him straight after and told him exactly what I thought of his actions and his cowardice. We haven’t spoken since.’
‘Oh Rob, no! I never meant for you to fall out with Steven over this. What happened between us shouldn’t affect your friendship. One has nothing to do with the other.’
‘Yes, it does, Izzy. And of course it’s going to affect it. How could it not? He ensured that it would by dumping me right in the middle of it all. And he lied to me. I was supposed to stay over the night before. We were going to go out and get breakfast in the morning then go back to the flat and get ready. Steven cancelled the night before and said he had a really bad headache.’
‘He told me the same thing when I called to say goodnight. He does get bad headaches.’ I obviously wasn’t Steven’s biggest fan right now but I also had a streak of fair play running through me, which forced me to confirm his account and reasons. Annoyingly.
‘Yeah I know. And I know that the nerves might have kicked it off, which is why I didn’t think too much of it. But then he said that he wouldn’t be able to do breakfast the next day either. I asked him why and he just said that he thought it would be better to have a lie in. When I asked him if everything was ok, he said it was. That he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to feel bad at the wedding. I took him at his word because I never had reason to doubt him.’
‘What is it that you’re saying?’
‘I’m saying that Steven knew the night before that he wasn’t going to be at that church.’
I looked at Rob. ‘You don’t know that.’ I said, my voice betraying my own uncertainty.
Rob ran a hand over his hair. ‘Yeah, Izz. I do. He told me.’
I couldn’t help the tears that pricked at my eyes, even though I willed them away. Rob noticed anyway.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘Yes. You should. Please. Just tell me what else you know.’
‘There isn’t much else to tell. He said he’d meet me at the church instead. So, on the day it was getting later and later, and he wasn’t answering his phone. I had all these visions that something awful had happened and was kicking myself for not going round. I was just about to drive over there when he finally picked up and told me that he couldn’t do it. That he just didn’t feel ready to get married.’
‘I never pressured him into getting engaged or setting a date. You have to know that.’
‘No. I know you didn’t.’ Rob took my hand, ‘It wasn’t your fault. None of it. Please don’t ever forget that.’
I smiled at his sincerity.
‘Ok. But you still don’t know that Steven didn’t just panic at the last minute.’ I had no idea whether I was trying to defend Steven – and if so, why. Or if it was that, somehow, being stood up at the last minute was better than the alternative Rob was hinting at.
‘I asked him outright. When I went round there after you’d left.’
I shook my head.
‘I’m sorry, Izz. I guess Steven had changed more than I thought over the years. The bloke I went to uni with would never have acted like that. He would have had the guts to sort it out earlier. And he would have had the guts to tell you himself.’
‘Thereby reducing the chance that you’d be the one to get a fist in the face.’
Rob gave me half a crooked grin, ‘I have to admit, I hadn’t even considered that was a remote possibility until it happened. Perhaps Steven was more canny than I thought. Although he did look pretty shocked when I turned up at his place suitably bloody.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘He thought your dad might have done it.’
‘Dad would never have hit you. He knew you had nothing to do with it. Though, I can’t guarantee he wouldn’t have floored Steven, given the opportunity.’
‘Good to know. But, like I said, maybe I shouldn’t have told you.’
‘No. I’m glad you did. I know this can’t have been easy for you, Rob. And I’m so sorry that it’s caused you to lose a friend.’
‘Yeah. Me too. But I asked him if everything was ok the night before. I gave him the opportunity to tell me then and there. If he had just told me then, I would have understood.’ He pulled a face, ‘Well, understood might be an overstatement. But dealt with it better, at least. There might have been a chance at salvaging the friendship. But not this way. He lied to me. He lied to you. He left you to face everyone. On your own.’
‘I wasn’t on my own.’ I said softly, touching my shoulder against his for a moment, but keeping my face turned away, just until I regained my composure a little more.
‘Izzy. I know it’ll always be hard for you to disassociate me from that day, and I can understand that. I understand if you don’t want to ever see me again but if you’ll permit me to ask one thing of you, it’s that you never lump me together with Steven just because, for one day, we were supposed to wear matching suits.’
I didn’t really know what to say. My throat felt like it was closing up, so even if I’d known what to say, I’m not sure I would have been able to voice it. Instead I just shook my head. I swallowed hard.
‘I promise.’ I replied, eventually.
A brief smile flashed on Rob’s face, not quite hitting his eyes.
‘Ok. Now that’s all sorted, let’s see about getting you home.’
I glanced up at the huge window. There were curtains hanging either side but I doubted Rob ever closed them. With a view like that, I certainly wouldn’t. The snow was still falling and if anything, had only got heavier. When I looked back, Rob had the laptop open and was looking at a couple of different pages showing weather, roads and live traffic updates. His teeth worried his bottom lip as he concentrated.
‘How’s it looking?’ I asked when I couldn’t bear the suspense any longer.
‘Yeah, umm, I think we can work something out.’ He threw me a smile before going back to the computer.
I burst out laughing. Rob turned, his expression a mixture of surprise and confusion.
‘What’s so funny?’ he asked, a smile forming on his face in response to mine.
‘You.’
‘I’m not sure I like the sound of that.’
I grinned again and bumped against his side in jest. ‘You are absolutely the world’s worst liar.’
He pulled a face. ‘I am?’
‘I’m afraid so. But don’t worry. That’s not a bad thing. Actually, it’s a pretty good thing in my book.’ I smiled, honestly. I’d had more than enough of being lied to. And I knew why Rob was trying to cover his fib in this case. He knew I wanted to get home, but I was guessing from his terrible lie that the roads and weather were pretty bad.
‘How do you ever win court cases?’
‘What?’ he asked, a completely bemused look on his face.
‘You do have court cases sometimes, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’ he answered slowly, clearly having no idea where this conversation was going.
‘Well, don’t you have to be able to fool people, and stuff? If your attempt at telling me the roads were fine is anything to go by, I – and don’t take this the wrong way – I don’t think you can be very good at it.’
‘So what you’re saying is, not only do you count me in the same low level of humanity as your ex, but you also think I’m terrible at my job? Is that what you’re saying?’
I sat for a moment looking at him. His honest face had transformed into one with a completely unreadable expression. And put like that, it sort of did sound like that’s what I was saying. But I wasn’t! And then I caught it. The little smirk that was starting at the corner of his mouth.
‘Oh, you!’ I grabbed a scatter cushion and whacked him with it. ‘That wasn’t what I was saying at all. And you know it!’
‘Fair enough,’ he laughed, ‘and for your information, lying isn’t a part of my job. I have to go on what the facts say. And whilst I am apparently the “world’s worst liar”, I do have a pretty good poker face, which comes in far more handy in my job. Thank goodness.’
‘You certainly do.’ There was no denying that. Until I’d seen that grin start to sneak out, I’d had no idea as to what his reaction was to what he thought I was saying.
‘So,’ I started, replacing my weapon in the corner of the sofa, ‘I’m guessing that the roads are pretty bad.’
Rob pulled an apologetic face. ‘I’m afraid they’re not looking the best.’ He pulled the computer from the table onto his lap and pointed at the traffic page he had up, ‘I’ve looked at all the possible routes we could try. They’re all showing red at the moment.’
‘And red’s obviously not good.’
‘No. Red means traffic’s pretty much at a standstill. From what I can see, it looks like there’s been an accident on the main route out and, of course, everyone else has tried to find other ways, which, with the weather and increased volume of traffic, has just bunged them up too.’
‘Oh. That’s not good then, is it?’
‘Not really. I mean, we can try–’
‘We?’
‘Yes, we.’
‘You don’t need to do all this for me, you know,’ I said, ‘besides, I’m not sure I really deserve it with the way I’ve treated you,’ I paused. ‘And for the record, I’d hate it if I never saw you again.’
Rob looked up from the traffic website. ‘Why don’t we just forget all about that now? Start anew?’
I returned the gentle smile he was giving me. ‘Actually that sounds pretty good.’
‘Agreed. Now. Let’s have another look at this weather.’
Chapter Four
Rob grabbed the remote control, pressed a button and his TV came on with a little welcome message. He punched in some numbers with his thumb and BBC News 24 came up.
‘…with all main routes out of London currently extremely slow or blocked entirely.’
I looked at Rob and pulled a face. ‘That doesn’t sound too promising, does it?’
‘Don’t give up yet,’ Rob smiled, ‘let’s consult The Oracle.’
‘The Oracle?’
He grinned. ‘Twitter.’
He switched back to the main screen on his laptop and pressed the tile for the Twitter app. His timeline immediately filled the screen and I leant over a little to see what was trending. Sure enough #snow was right near the top. Rob tapped on it to see what opinions were being given out on the subject. Typically, there were various versions of ‘America gets tonnes more of the stuff and things don’t grind to a halt.’ Rob and I glanced at each other and rolled our eyes. ‘That old chestnut’ the exchange said silently. The fact that America got tonnes of the stuff was exactly the reason why things didn’t grind to a halt. I imagined that the same people who were moaning about the situation now would probably be the same ones moaning if a fleet of highly expensive snow ploughs were sat in a shed unused for ninety-nine per cent of the time because ‘it’s not like we get tonnes of the stuff very often.’ Rob skimmed over those tweets and looked for something more constructive.
He found a tag labelled #Londonsnow and touched it. Another stream opened up. Silently we scanned over the tweets. I glanced at Rob and could see that even his optimism was failing. From the television we heard the announcement that they were ‘…now going live to our reporter, Beth Sanders.’ Beth thanked the anchor and began her report, advising that she was standing on one of the main arteries in and out of London to the south, which was now entirely blocked due to the snow. Behind her we could see lines of cars, some off at an angle, clearly abandoned. The reporter began an interview with one driver who had chosen to stick with his car. Looking completely fed up and frozen to the bone, the man relayed how, even though he’d left work early, he’d still now been stuck in his current position for over five hours.
I groaned audibly. ‘Oh, that poor man.’ I looked over at Rob and could see him weighing something up in his mind. ‘What are you thinking?’
‘Ok, look,’ he turned to me, reducing the volume on the TV a little, ‘obviously those roads are pretty blocked up, but I know you want to get home. The Range Rover will go pretty much anywhere and I know a couple of short cuts–’
‘No! Absolutely not!’ I cut in.
Rob looked slightly taken aback at my vehemence.
‘I’m not getting home tonight and that’s that. There’s no way I’m going to ask you to put yourself at risk to get me there.’
‘You didn’t ask me and I wouldn’t put either of us at risk. You know me better than that.’
‘No. Final answer. I’ll just ring round and find a hotel–’
‘No! Absolutely not!’ Rob returned my own words to me.
‘Pardon?’
‘There’s no need for you to stay at a hotel. There’s a perfectly good guest bedroom here.’
‘Oh! No! I couldn’t… I…’
Rob tilted his head at me, waiting for me to finish.
I sat up a little straighter and tried again. ‘I couldn’t possibly do that, Rob. I mean, it’s very kind of you, but you’ve already done so much this evening, trying to get me home.’
‘Izzy, I’ve looked up a couple of websites and put the news on. That’s all.’
‘No, that’s not all. If it wasn’t for you, I’d likely still be standing at the station freezing my backside off!’
‘Well, then I’m glad I came along because that really would be a crime.’ He gave me a cheeky wink, closed the laptop and put it aside. Then he rose and jogged up the three steps to the kitchen, heading for the fridge. ‘Beer or wine?’
‘Hang on, I don’t think we finished discussing this.’ I said, following him into the kitchen.
‘Yes we did,’ he said, his head now practically entirely inside the fridge as he rooted around at the back. He popped back out and shut the door, two ready meals in his hands, ‘Which one of these do you want? Sorry it’s nothing grander, but I wasn’t expecting company tonight and I’m loathe to try and ask anyone to deliver tonight in this weather, even if they were prepared to.’
I put aside the fact that Rob was bossing me about for a moment to reflect on the fact that he was showing such consideration to takeaway delivery people, and thought again how sweet he could be. But then I was straight back to the matter in hand.
I glanced down at the meals in his hands. They both looked delicious. But I wasn’t used to being told when and where I was staying. Even though I knew it was all meant in the best and kindest way.
‘Rob. I really do appreciate the offer but I think it’s best if I just find a hotel. I’ve imposed on you enough. Besides, I’ve already eaten. Mags and I had dinner.’
‘No imposition.’ he stated, jiggling the boxes of food in his hands in question again, ‘And you can just have a bit of one to keep me company. Any preference?’
I let out a huff. He was obviously sweet but, by God, he was also clearly stubborn as hell when he wanted to be.
‘Thank you, but I’m not hungry.’ I said. At which point my mutinous stomach let out the most enormous growl.
‘No. I can tell.’ Rob was wearing his poker face, but it didn’t last long. I saw the corners of his eyes crinkle as my stomach rumbled again. He put the food on the counter and placed his hands on my upper arms.
‘Izzy. Come on. Clearly you’re hungry. I know I am.’
My traitorous body wasn’t letting me out of this one so I conceded. ‘Ok, yes I’m hungry. Mags is on a pre-Christmas diet so we both just had antipasti. Which is fine, by the way! But I missed lunch. So, yes, I am a bit hungry.’
‘And it would seem you get grouchy when you’re hungry.’ Rob smiled, somehow softening the blow of the extremely accurate observation.
‘Wow.’ I said, flatly, ‘You’ve really got this gracious host thing sussed.’
Rob laughed, letting go of me and poking holes with a knife in the plastic wrap coverings of the ready meals. He opened the microwave and shoved them both in, adjusting the timings so that they’d both be ready together. Pulling open the cutlery drawer, he handed me knives and forks, before going back to his original question.
‘So, beer or wine?’
A few minutes later, we were sat next to one another on the sofa, ready meals tipped out onto plates, with red wine filling our glasses. The TV was still on the news channel, and showing reports of increasingly miserable looking drivers stuck on various routes, in and around the south east. Reporter Beth was looking colder and colder by the minute. I knew that, but for the grace of Rob, there go I. Except I would have been in a far worse position because, unlike Beth, who was decked out from head to foot in North Face winter ready clothing and boots, I had set out this morning in a knee-length wool coat and four-inch heels. Both of these I knew looked fabulous but were definitely not up to the job of keeping me warm whilst I stood waiting for a train that was never going to come. But staying at Rob’s tonight? Why was I having such a hard time with that? We were friends – again – that obstacle, at least, thankfully seemed to have been surmounted. And I stayed over with Mags plenty of times when we’d been out on the town or had a movie night in with popcorn and jammies. Mags was a friend. Rob was a friend. So staying over here was just like staying over at Mags’. Wasn’t it?
‘Those cogs are whirring again.’ Rob broke into my thoughts.
I took a sip of my wine, and hoped I didn’t have Ribena smiles. Best to be honest. ‘I just feel a little awkward about staying here tonight.’
‘Why?’
Honestly, I had no idea.
‘I don’t really know. I suppose tonight’s just sort of taken me by surprise – I mean, I haven’t spoken to you in six months and then I bump into you, promptly cry all over you, and then you offer to risk life and limb to get me home, feed me and offer me a bed for the night because it turns out I have zero chance of getting home tonight. I just – I think it’d be better if I went to a hotel. I just think it’d be less awkward.’
Rob nodded slowly, then looked directly at me with those eyes the colour of a melting Galaxy chocolate bar.
‘Izzy. We’re friends, right? We established that?’
‘Yes. We are.’
‘Ok good. So if you’d got to Mags’ place and realised you couldn’t get home, would you be saying that you should go and find a hotel?’
‘No, of course not, but–’
‘But what?’
‘But…’ I didn’t actually know “but what”. Rob had once again delved into what I was thinking and laid it out there for us both to see. I really was going to have to keep closer control of my thoughts.
‘Is it because I’m a bloke and you’re not?’ He was grinning.
‘Oh I don’t know!’ I bumped my head down onto my knees, feeling just the tiniest bit idiotic.
Rob laughed and rubbed my back. ‘Come on, Izz. We’re friends. Nothing more. And no offence, I’m not looking for anything but friendship from you. If you were a great big hairy rugby player, I’d still have fed you and offered you a room rather than letting you freeze on a station platform. The fact that you’re…’
‘Waif-y?’ I filled in for him from my hunched over position.
‘I was going to say “not”,’ he laughed, ‘just means that I at least got to eat one of those meals.’
‘But I don’t have any spare clothes – or my toothbrush!’ I said, sitting up.
‘I can stick your stuff in the washing machine, and put it in the dryer. You can borrow something to sleep in, and I have spare toothbrushes.’
I rolled my lips inwards at the plural. ‘Toothbrushes, eh? That implies more than one.’
Rob waggled his eyebrows. ‘Cheaper in bulk.’
I rolled my eyes and he laughed.
‘Ok. Fine. Then thank you. If you’re sure I’m not imposing–’
‘You’re not imposing.’
‘Or my being here isn’t going to cause any…’
Rob frowned, but the smile remained on his lips. ‘Any what?’
‘Umm…’
‘Izzy, just tell me what on Earth you’ve thought of this time?’
‘I just don’t want you getting in trouble if your girlfriend walks in, and you’ve got another female here. I mean, not that we’re, you know… we’re just friends, but if she just walks in and there’s another woman here, and she doesn’t know then she might–’
‘She won’t.’ Rob said, shaking his head at me, a look of incredulousness fixing on his features, ‘She won’t, because she doesn’t exist. I don’t have a girlfriend to walk in unsuspectingly. And before your crazy mind goes off on yet another tangent, I don’t have a boyfriend either. Just for absolute clarification. Now that’s taken care of, are there any other scenarios you need to tell me about that might possibly happen, or can we please just sit and relax?’
‘No. I can’t think of anything else.’ I said.
‘Thank goodness.’ Rob said, with a little more feeling than I’d have liked.
‘At the minute.’ I added, just for that.
He looked at me for a long moment.
I pulled a face and half smiled. ‘Don’t tell me. Now you’re beginning to think that Steven might have been on the right track leaving me.’
I saw a shadow flit across Rob’s eyes, before he smiled. ‘Nope. Not even close. I still think he’s a twat. Now, switch that mind of yours to a slower speed, put your feet up and just relax.’
I smiled back at him. ‘I’m not sure it has a slower speed. But I can try.’
‘Great!’ Rob said happily as he let out a sigh and stuck his long legs out on the coffee table in front of us.
‘Do you want to watch a film?’ he asked.
‘Yep, sure.’ I answered. That actually sounded pretty nice. Wine, warmth, good company and something nice and inane on the telly. Although, oh dear, Rob was a really intelligent guy. I watched as he brought up the video streaming service and hoped he didn’t head to the ‘Foreign Films’ section. I couldn’t deal with subtitles tonight.
‘What do you fancy?’ he asked.
‘Me?’
He laughed. ‘Of course, you. You’re my guest.’
‘Oh! I really don’t mind.’ I snuggled into the sofa a little more, grabbing the blanket that Rob had put around my shoulders earlier. ‘Although nothing with subtitles.’ I decided to come clean because I knew he’d only fish out that thought from my brain anyway.