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Izzy straightened and stared into the distance. Nothing was clear. No matter how she blinked or squinted, nothing came into focus. This was how it was always going to be.
She looked toward the horse, waiting patiently. She couldn’t wash him. She couldn’t do anything. Whatever Nick and her sisters thought, there wasn’t a miracle here. There wasn’t anything but frustration and defeat.
She walked over to a bench by the barn and sat down. Some time later, Rita found her.
“What are you doing?”
“Waiting until I can go home.”
“You’re supposed to be washing the horse.”
“Not today.”
Rita sighed. “I know you’re upset, but you have to trust us. We know what we’re doing.”
“I’m not a project. I’m not looking to be healed. I want to go home.”
Rita left. A few minutes later, the bell rang. Breakfast, Izzy thought, ignoring the grumbling in her stomach. She closed her eyes and imagined herself slipping into the warm water off an island somewhere. She could see the brightly colored fish, feel the whisper of the current on her skin.
Everything was beautiful. Everything was clear and colorful. All she had to do was reach out and touch whatever she wanted. She opened her eyes and stared at her blurry world. Not anymore, she thought grimly.
An hour or two later, Rita reappeared. “I don’t care who you are or what you’ve been through,” the other woman snapped. “But you left Jackson in the sun. Whatever you have going on in your life, we don’t tolerate cruelty to animals here. Get him inside now.”
Izzy hadn’t thought about the horse. Without saying anything, she got up and made her way back to him. “Sorry, Jackson,” she said and led him toward the barn.
It took her a few tries to locate his stall. He went inside. She followed him, using the walls to guide her in the darkness. After making sure he had plenty of water, she patted him in apology and then went back outside. She took her place on the bench and waited.
She had no idea of how much time had passed before Nick showed up. She sensed him before she saw his shape.
“You like to pout?” he asked.
“I want to go home.”
“Not an option.”
“Want to bet?”
Someone else joined him. Rita, she would guess.
“She’s not doing anything,” the other woman said.
“Not a surprise. She sat in front of a window all day for a month at home. Guess it’s not going to be different here.”
They were talking about her so that she would get angry, Izzy thought. If she showed emotion, any feelings, then they would know they were getting to her. It was the first step in her recovery. At least from their point of view.
“I don’t care what you think of me,” she said quietly, “I want to go home.”
She stood and walked toward the house. Once inside, she managed to find the stairs, then make her way into her room. She sat in the chair by the window and remembered what life had been like before. When it got dark, she lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. In the morning, she returned to the window. She didn’t eat or drink and no one came to see her. Izzy knew she would win. She no longer felt hungry or thirsty. She simply existed in an empty place where it didn’t matter that she couldn’t see.
“IT’S BEEN TWO DAYS,” Aaron said as he walked into Nick’s office. “She won’t talk to me or say anything and you know I’m very funny.”
“You’re the best,” Nick said, studying the proposal Aaron had put together.
“And you’re not listening,” Aaron told him, putting his hands on his hips. “She won’t leave her room. This is day three. How long can she go without food and water?”
He saved the file on his computer and leaned back in his chair. “She has a bathroom. She can get water.”
“She doesn’t look good. I think she’s catatonic or something.”
“You watch too many movies on Lifetime. She’s fine. She’s pouting until she gets her way.”
“I don’t want anything to happen to her,” Aaron told him as he took the seat across from his. “Nick, you have to do something.”
“I don’t know what,” he admitted, angry at Izzy for being difficult and at himself for failing. “She’s not a kid. She’s not excited to see a horse and able to forget her problems by taking a ride. This isn’t a new place for her. Barn kittens aren’t going to cut it. She’s angry and hurt and she needs a damn psychologist who can get inside her head.”
Except she wouldn’t talk to anyone. Her sisters had made that clear. She wouldn’t leave her room, participate in family functions. She wanted to…What? Stare out a window until she died?
There was life in her. He could feel it. And strength. But she’d given up. Once a person gave up, it was over. He’d learned that the hard way. He’d known that the second he gave up, they would win. But he’d had an enemy—death. Something to defeat, something to fight. And he’d had Garth. His friend had been his responsibility. Getting them both out had driven him to endure and ultimately to survive. What did Izzy have?
“If I could challenge her in some way,” he said, more to himself than Aaron. But how?
“Cards are out of the question,” Aaron said. “Maybe arm wrestling. Or have sex. You’re a heterosexual male. You know what to do.”
“It’s not that simple.”
Which was only half true. Izzy appealed to him. It would be that simple for him, although he doubted if she would appreciate him joining her in bed.
“Seduce her.”
“That’s not in the contract.”
“If you do it right, she shouldn’t complain.”
“Any other suggestions?”
“We could drag her into the woods and then help her find her way home.”
“Interesting plan,” Nick said. Would that give Izzy the will to push back. Or did she need something else? Something to hate. He’d had an enemy—did she need one, too? It was worth a try.
“I like her,” Aaron admitted. “I don’t want her to give up.”
“Me, either.”
“Can I take her food?”
“You already know the answer to that.”
Aaron sighed, then stood. “I always thought you could fix anyone. I hate being wrong.”
“Not as much as I do.”
IZZY LAY ON THE BED. She was bored and a little light-headed from lack of water. She hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in nearly seventy-two hours, but wasn’t actually hungry, which was weird. Sleep was easier, as was the passage of time. Everything blurred and her sunburn no longer hurt.
She almost didn’t care about not being able to see. Nothing mattered. Not even going home. She could just stay here forever.
She heard footsteps, but raising her head took more effort than was comfortable. She barely opened her eyes.
“You win.”
She recognized Nick’s voice. Even more interesting, she smelled something delicious. Something that made her sit up, even though the sudden movement made her head swim.
He put something on the dresser then walked over to the bed and grabbed her arm. He pulled her forward, then shoved all the pillows behind her back and let her go. She found herself propped up.
“You win,” he repeated. “I give up. I’ll call Lexi and Skye in the morning and tell them to come get you. You can go back to living in Lexi’s house. That’s what you want, right?”
She blinked, then remembered too late that wouldn’t bring him into focus. Her head felt fuzzy—almost like she was drunk.
“Why?” she asked, and was surprised that her voice sounded hoarse. Probably because she hadn’t spoken in three days.
“You don’t want to be here.”
“I didn’t want to be here before.”
There was movement. If she had to guess, it was a shrug. He handed her a large glass.
“Sip slowly,” he said. “It’s going to taste sweet, but you need to get it down. There’s water, but plenty of sugar, some herbs, electrolytes. It’ll help you feel better.”
She took a sip and nearly gagged on the too-sweet taste. Seconds later she felt like she was dying of thirst. Still, remembering her stroll into the wilds just outside the ranch and vomiting afterward, she continued to take small amounts.
He put a tray with stubby legs across her lap. She inhaled the mouthwatering scent of chicken and vegetables, not to mention fresh bread.
“Soup,” he said. “And one of Norma’s biscuits. Aaron will be by later. If you’ve kept all this down, he’ll give you a sandwich. Go easy on the food for the next couple of days.”
She wanted to dive into the soup and drink it while swimming around in the bowl. The image lightened her spirits, or maybe it was the sugar rush from the drink.
“See ya,” he said and turned to leave.
“Wait.” She cleared her throat. “That’s it?”
He faced her again. She couldn’t see his individual features, so she had to guess what he was thinking. If she had to pick an emotion, she would guess boredom.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“This is as much as you’re doing? Seriously? What kind of crap is that?”
He leaned against the door frame. “You’re not interested in being helped. You’ve made that clear.”
“Not interested? This was the best you could do? I refuse to wash a horse and you’re finished? Is that what you do when those hurt kids come here? Do you even have any training for this kind of work? Are you certified? How much are my sisters paying you?”
“A lot less than they should have been.”
“How did they find you? The phone book?”
“I come highly recommended.”
“Oh, please. I doubt that. I’m not even a hard case. You didn’t make any effort.” Now that she thought about it, he’d done nothing, which really pissed her off. “One or two idiot pep talks and you’re through? A three-day hunger strike and you throw in the towel? Talk about all hat and no cattle.”
“What would you have wanted me to do, Izzy? Beg? I think this is all about being the center of attention. You need everyone running around, fussing over you. Then you’ll be happy. You probably won’t get the surgery because you like being the one everyone worries about.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She wished her throat weren’t so raw so she could yell. How could he think something like that, let alone say it? “I’m not the one pretending to know what he’s doing. You’re nothing but a snake oil salesman. When my sisters find out about this, they’re going to investigate you. You’re going down.”
“You think I’m all talk? What about you? You’re just taking up space.”
She’d never actually hated anyone before. But now the feeling burned hot inside her. “Go to hell.”
“You’ve said that before. You need some new material. Maybe you can take your act on the road. The pity Izzy show. Not that you’ll sell many tickets. You’re okay to look at but once you break the skin, there’s nothing inside. To really be funny you have to be smart and have a world-view. You need to be likeable. None of those are your strengths. Still, you’re a Titan. You have money. You’ll survive. Maybe they’ll get you a nice room with a view. Not that you’ll see it.”
She wanted to throw something at him. She’d nearly finished the drink so she hurled the glass in his direction. It crashed into the door.
“Plastic,” he said, sounding pleased. “It didn’t break. See, Izzy. You can’t hurt me.”
And then he was gone.
IZZY HADN’T EXPECTED to sleep. She’d been so angry, so filled with rage, she’d spent the evening pacing in her room. When Aaron showed up with a sandwich, she’d eaten it because she wanted to be strong. She was going to leave this place, work out with some martial arts master, then break every bone in Nick’s body.
Maybe it was the pacing that exhausted her, or the hot energy of fury or the food in her belly. But sometime in the middle of the night she fell asleep. She only knew because she could suddenly see again.
She was back on the rig, walking down the hallway. There hadn’t been any warning. That’s what she remembered. The absence of a whisper of what was to come. One second she was heading to the mess for breakfast, the next she was in the middle of an explosion, flying through fire.
The brightness of it battled with the sound. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, could only be tossed around like a kite in the wind. Fire was everywhere. It licked at her skin. She felt sick and terrified and tried to scream, only she couldn’t and then—
“Shh. It’s all right.”
The voice called her back, as did strong arms pulling her upright. She sucked in a breath, then opened her eyes.
“It was just a dream,” Nick told her. “Make that a nightmare. You’re safe.”
Her whole body shook. She was covered in cold sweat and thought she might lose the sandwich she’d eaten earlier. No matter how she tried, she couldn’t seem to catch her breath. Her heart raced around in her chest until she wondered if she was having a heart attack.
The lights were on, but she still couldn’t see enough. She tried to get free, but he didn’t let her go.
“I know you’re scared. I know it’s real. It was the explosion, right? It’s a bitch to relive that. But you’re safe. You’re here on the ranch. I’m right here.”
Words that shouldn’t have comforted her, she thought, confused. Words he shouldn’t be saying. Still, his body was warm and solid and his arms felt secure enough to keep her from falling.
Gradually her breathing slowed, as did her heart rate.
He sat on her bed, holding her against him. One of his arms wrapped around her waist, as if anchoring her in place. With his free hand, he stroked her head, the side of her face and her arm, rubbing her like a cat. The contact should have been annoying, but it wasn’t. It made her feel safe.
She could feel the warmth of his chest against her cheek, the softness of his T-shirt. His heartbeat was steady and seemed to influence her own.
He drew back a little. “Lie down.”
Not knowing what else to do, she rolled away from him and stretched out under the covers. He moved behind her, pressing his body against hers, her back to his front, his arm around her waist. He found her hand and took it in his.
An intimate position, she thought. It should have been uncomfortable. It should have felt awkward. But all she could think was that he would protect her, no matter what.
“The dreams never go away,” he said, his voice rumbling in her ear. “They fade. You’ll go months without one, but then they’re back. Anything can trigger them.”
“Not comforting news.”
“It’s a fact, Izzy. They exist. They’ll always shake you. It’s not how you handle what comes in the night that’s important. It’s what you do the next morning. And the morning after that.”
“You read that somewhere?”
“I have some personal experience with nightmares.”
Somehow, that didn’t surprise her. “Want to talk about them?”
“No.”
“Typical guy.”
“That’s me.”
Her mouth curved into a smile. Then she remembered that he’d been a complete bastard and that she hated him so much that she was planning to learn how to beat the crap out of him. They shouldn’t be getting along.
But right now, with the heat from his body relaxing her and his arm around her like a shield, she couldn’t find it in herself to be angry anymore.
“How did you know I was having the dream?” she asked quietly. “Was I screaming?”
“Nothing that dramatic. I was checking the house before going to bed. You were restless.”
“You came into my room?”
“Yeah. Just like a stalker.”
“What about my right to privacy?”
“What about the pain you give me in my ass?”
That startled a laugh out of her. “I bug you?”
“I can’t describe how much.”
“Good.”
“Yeah. It’s good. Now go to sleep. I’ll stay right here.”
“The lights are on.”
“They won’t bother me.”
“Okay.” She closed her eyes and the fear returned. “It was the explosion. I was walking down an inside hallway. There wasn’t any warning. In the dream, I know it’s coming and I’m still caught off guard. Then I’m flying through the air. It’s so bright and loud. I can’t control what’s happening, I can’t scream or stop it. Then I’m falling into the fire and I wake up on fire.”
“No. You wake up safe. There’s no fire, Izzy.”
She turned toward him and stared intently at his face. Not that she could bring him into focus. “It feels like there’s fire.”
“I know.” He brushed her hair off her forehead. “If Aaron catches us like this, we’re going to have some explaining to do.”
The corners of her mouth twitched. “He’ll just be bitter because I got there first. He wants you.”
Nick winced. “Please don’t say that.”
“Can’t handle the pressure?”
“It’s late. Aren’t you getting tired? Don’t you want to close your eyes and go to sleep?”
It was late. “You can go. I don’t need you to stay.” The second he left, she would sit by the window because that would feel safer.
“Me? I’m not moving. I’m too comfortable.”
“Liar.”
“Not me. I always tell the truth. Ask anyone.”
She waited, but he didn’t move. Eventually, she put her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her. She was aware of his long, hard body next to hers, but that didn’t matter. Being safe was a whole lot more important than anything else.
“Go to sleep, Izzy. I’ll be right here. You won’t have any more bad dreams tonight.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah. I promise.”
IZZY WOKE to sunlight flooding her room. She stretched and rolled over, only to realize she was alone. Nick had left sometime in the night. Or maybe he’d waited until morning. Either way, he’d stayed with her until she’d relaxed enough to let go of the nightmare.
She got out of bed and crossed to the window. She was going home today. Back to live with Lexi, she supposed. To that window seat that had become her entire world. Back to waiting…for something that would never happen.
There was no miracle coming. No puff of magic that would make her see again. She either took the risk and had the surgery, or she had to learn to deal. Since getting out of the hospital, she’d been waiting for a gift from heaven.
“Get real,” she told herself. Heaven was busy with people a lot worse off than her. Nick was right. She had resources, a family, a life.
She showered and made her way to the barn. She had no idea what time it was, but didn’t bump into anyone else. She found the cupboard with the washing supplies and put everything on the bench next to it. She still had trouble deciding which bottle held the soap, then realized she could open them and figure it out by smell.
The barn was a little more daunting. She hit the light switch before entering, then tried to remember how far down she’d gone before.
“Jackson? Are you here, honey? Jackson?”
She heard a soft snort on her left and reached toward the sound. A horse dropped his head over the gate. She patted him.
“I have no idea who you are,” she said, “but you’re getting a bath. How does that sound?”
She led him outside and secured him to the post. Then she turned on the water and went to work.
Washing a horse was slow work to begin with. The animals were large and they had to be rinsed well. But doing everything by touch made the task that much longer. Izzy figured she got as much water on herself as on Jackson, but that was okay. She would get better with practice.
She’d just started rinsing the far side, when she heard someone say, “The breakfast bell rang ten minutes ago.”
She spun toward the sound and was rewarded with a yelp, followed by swearing. She turned the water off at the nozzle.
“Morning,” she said, trying not to grin. “Did I get you?”
“Yes,” Nick said through obviously clenched teeth. “Water’s cold.”
“I know. Sorry. You startled me.”
“Apparently. You coming in for breakfast?”
“As soon as I finish. Um, is this Jackson?”
“Uh-huh.”
She heard Nick brushing down his jeans. With luck, he was completely soaked.
“Okay. I’ll just be a couple of minutes.” She bit her lower lip.
Late yesterday afternoon, she’d been convinced she only wanted to go home. That there was nothing here on the ranch for her. Now she wasn’t so sure.
She wanted to stay. She wanted to try to…something. Adjust, maybe. But her Titan pride made it impossible to ask.
She stared at the shape that was Nick, not sure how to get her point across. “Nick, I…”
“Yeah. It’s fine. After breakfast, you can start on the other horses.”
“Okay.” She smiled. “Thanks.”
Then she turned on the hose and heard him yelp again.
“Dammit, Izzy. You’re going to make me regret having you around, aren’t you?”
She turned off the water and giggled. “Now why would you think that?”
CHAPTER FIVE
NICK STOOD in the kitchen and watched Izzy move through the living room. She walked deliberately, touching every piece of furniture as she made a full circuit. She completed the return trip in the opposite direction, then paused. A few seconds later, she walked into the center of the room and stopped. From there, she went first to the sofa, then back to the middle. She crossed to the window and returned to the center.
She was learning the room. By the time she was finished she would know where everything was and find it easily. In a couple of days she would be able to hurry through the house like everyone else.
Even as he watched her turn and pace and count, he was distracted by her long bare legs. Her shorts barely covered her butt and her tight T-shirt outlined her full breasts. Normally he would have been able to ignore her athletic body. Normally he could appreciate the show and move on. Normally he hadn’t spent a long, agonizing night lying next to a beautiful woman, her legs tangled with his, her head on his shoulder, her breasts nestling against his arm.
He told himself that the price was worth it. She’d proven her strength—not only in avoiding a crash and burn after her nightmare, but by being able to move on from their fight. He’d taunted her. She’d risen to the bait, but hadn’t gotten trapped in anger. She was strong and determined—someone he could admire. Now if only he could see her naked.
Stop it, he told himself. Izzy was a client, someone he was helping. He had no business thinking about kissing every inch of her, of touching her until she begged and then losing himself in her. It was unprofessional. It was sexist. And being hard all the time was damned unpleasant.
The point of all this was she hadn’t given up, which meant she was one step closer to having the surgery. There were more—
“You have some serious stalker tendencies,” she said, turning to face him. “It’s borderline creepy. You should go talk to someone about it.”
“I’ve been here ten minutes. Why did it take you so long to figure out you weren’t alone?”
She continued finding her way around the room. “My bat sonar isn’t fully installed just yet.”
“You need to work on that.”
“You need to get a life. Do you watch me in the shower?”
The image dropped into his brain and there was no way he could ignore it. “Do you want me to?”
She tilted her head slightly. Her long, dark, curly hair tumbled over her right shoulder. She walked toward him, stopping only inches away. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“You need a woman. Seriously. It’s bad enough that the blind girl can figure it out. That’s got to be embarrassing.”
It was, but he wouldn’t admit it to her. “I’m playing your game. That should make you happy.”
“Maybe. I take it you don’t have anyone you’re seeing right now. I’m guessing it’s a geographic thing. It’s hard to date when your life is in the middle of nowhere.”
“My work keeps my busy.”
“So you’re between relationships? Or are you the type who doesn’t get involved?”
Why were they talking about him? “I don’t get involved.” Why was he answering her questions?
Her eyes were hazel, the irises a kaleidoscope of color.