Daycare Mum to Wife / Accidental Father: Daycare Mum to Wife / Accidental Father
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He reached briefly to touch Jess’s hand. ‘I’m not sacking you, Jess. It was an accident, and Annapolly is okay. In the end that’s what counts.’
He wasn’t going to sack her. Dan wasn’t furious. He’d had his bout of anger and that had been because of fear.
‘Thank you.’ Jess’s words were husky with relief, and with consciousness of Dan’s determination to be fair.
And of Dan himself…
And because that was so very unwise, she got to her feet.
Dan stood at the same time and Jess looked at him, overwhelmed for a moment. ‘I’ll work harder to keep a better watch on things in the future.’
Dan searched her face. ‘You’re all right about it now? ‘
No, she wasn’t, but Jess would be all right. She would make that be so, somehow.
Maybe Dan read her confusion and uncertainty. Maybe he forgot for a moment that she wasn’t one of his children in need of a comforting hug, because somehow his arms had opened and Jess was inside them with her nose pressed to his chest.
Jess was enveloped by the solid feel of him, of his broad shoulders making a protective curve while he drew her close to his body. There was tension in Dan’s body. More when Jess wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back.
Maybe she shouldn’t have done that, but she did, and their hug changed right at the end to something that wasn’t entirely about comfort.
‘I’ll pack the rest of the cookies away into a tin.’ Jess spoke the words with the length of the kitchen between them. She’d got herself out of Dan’s arms and a distance away very quickly. She shouldn’t have hugged him in the first place.
‘Just as soon as I’ve checked on everyone.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Thanks, Dan, for your kindness and understanding. There won’t be a repeat where you have to come to the hospital, because of something like this.’
Jess would make sure of it. He didn’t need that. Jess wasn’t so foolish that she couldn’t imagine that Dan would have had to go to a hospital or more than one, when his wife died.
Jess didn’t know what had been wrong with his wife or how she had died, but she’d seen how the children retreated into worried silence in Randurra’s emergency department this afternoon. Some of Luke’s anger had been about that, too, Jess suspected.
And she couldn’t have stayed within that embrace. Not without risking Dan realising how it was impacting on her. They had a working relationship and needed to stick to it, for so many reasons! ‘And I’d like to take the children back to the hospital very soon for a visit. We can take a gift to donate to the children’s ward. It’ll be a chance for the kids to see a brighter side of the hospital.’
Dan murmured an agreement. Jess hoped she could convince Luke to agree to this. She went to check on the girls, and then Dan’s sons. Rob was fine. Luke was playing a computer game in his room, screeching a racing car around corners on the screen. Would that help him get out his aggression? Should Jess try to speak to him?
She knocked on his door and waited for his head to turn. ‘Luke—’
‘Dad told me you’re staying.’ He’d paused the game for the moment it took him to speak the words. ‘Doesn’t mean I have to like it.’
‘No. It doesn’t mean that.’ Jess pushed back a sigh and left him to it.
When she came back, Ella was stirring in the travel cot and Jess got her up and took care of her needs and set about watching over everyone while she organised a meal. Everyone except Luke, who was still in his room.
Annapolly was okay. And Jess still had a job. She was more than grateful about that. Dealing with Dan’s eldest was no doubt going to be even more difficult now, but Jess wasn’t about to give up. She could see a good boy in there beneath Luke’s aggression.
And the reason for his aggression, Jess? The fact that he didn’t like the vibe he noticed between you and his father? What about the fact that vibe hasn’t gone away?
In the end, it would be irrelevant and Jess had to hope that Luke would see that eventually. Whether Jess was aware of Dan as a man or not and even if Dan was aware of her as a woman, it wasn’t something that could or should be pursued between them.
If Jess thought that Luke should allow his father to do whatever he wanted when it came to women, she was smart enough to know that she should not interfere.
Dan watched Jess settle his family in for the evening. She’d whipped up a meal for everyone while she kept a close eye on what all the children were doing, and kept her baby daughter happy, but he could see the tension was still within her.
Rebecca had looked just as devastated after the first trip to the hospital over a hurt child.
But Jess wasn’t Rebecca, wasn’t anything like Dan’s late wife. Dan had hugged Jess because she’d looked as if she needed it, and he had rapidly realised the hug could easily have become more for him. He’d wanted so much to kiss her.
While Jess had broken out of his arms and distanced herself physically, Dan had worked to distance himself mentally. He wasn’t happy to be attracted to Jess. Now wasn’t the time for his libido to wake from hibernation and start giving him trouble. But it must only be physical awareness because his emotions were still with Rebecca. Well, no, of course they weren’t, not in that way because Rebecca was gone and he’d grieved, but…
After the numbness and slogging through the days until the kids had got on their feet again, Dan now only wanted to focus on the children and his work. He needed to do that. He had nothing for anything else.
And Luke was being a complete pain about the whole topic, and that made Dan really uncomfortable. He hadn’t thought about how his children might react if he wanted to start seeing a woman; it hadn’t been something he’d expected to happen. It still grated to have Luke behaving so aggressively and taking a dislike to Jess when in Dan’s opinion she didn’t deserve it.
Yes, there’d been Annapolly’s mishap, but Luke knew as well as anyone that accidents happened, and he’d started to be difficult before today’s incident.
Well, Dan had told his son to pay Jess appropriate respect, and when the dust of today’s issues had settled a bit he would check to see if that was happening. There was no point taking it further, because Dan wasn’t seeking anything but a working relationship with Jess.
As she got the children sorted out after dinner and ready for bed Dan turned his attention to work. Right at the moment he didn’t have a whole lot of choice about that either!
‘I’m leaving now, Dan.’ Jess made the announcement from the doorway of his den. She looked ruffled and still uncertain of herself. She had Ella fast asleep in her arms. ‘Thanks for fitting that baby restraint to the van before you left this morning. Oh, and I did want to bring up Daisy’s birthday.’
‘You’re welcome.’ He drew a breath. ‘Daisy’s birthday is next week.’
‘Yes. I can make a cake, if you like.’
‘That would be nice.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Her gifts are purchased, as are most of the birthday party supplies. What I can’t provide is any extra children for the party. There hasn’t been time yet or the opportunity to find any new friends for them here.’
Dan hesitated and then shook his head. ‘That’s not something I can do in the next few days, but a family party will still be fun for Daisy. I’ll see you Sunday, then.’ If he walked her to her car he’d do something irrational. Such as try to talk about things that were only going to make both of them feel awkward.
‘I’ll send a text to your mobile when I get home.’
‘Goodnight, Jess.’
‘Goodnight, Dan.’ She walked away with Ella clasped in her arms. A slip of a girl who was the mother of a baby, but she was not the mother of any of Dan’s babies.
So he would get some sleep and Jess would go home and get some sleep and look after her other children tomorrow. When she came back to Dan on Sunday she would have recovered from knowing that Annapolly hurt herself while under her care. Hopefully by then Luke would have a better attitude to life as well.
Dan went back to his workload at the computer and made sure his mobile phone was nearby so he would hear it when she sent her text message through to say she had arrived home safely.
He drew a packet of potato crisps from the stash in his drawer. He would make a list of what needed to be done for Daisy’s birthday party, and when Jess came back on Sunday they would go through it and work it all out.
Dan and Jess, because that was what he was paying her to do.
And only that. Dan ate a few more crisps and wished he didn’t feel so run-down as he tried to think about it all.
CHAPTER FIVE
DAYS PASSED. THE TRIPS to and from Sydney were tough. Long hours on the road, longer hours of hard work for his client company. Days at home without Jess’s help meant working into the night to catch up time lost during the day. Dan pushed on. He didn’t have a whole lot of other choice but he’d bought himself time for today.
His most academic child was eleven years old and Jess had worked miracles for the party. Dan glanced about the backyard. It wasn’t an enormous crowd but it was one that was bringing Daisy happiness.
‘Oh, Daisy, that’s a really cool birthday present. I don’t think I’d be allowed to have that for my birthday.’ The comment came from a girl Daisy’s age as his daughter unwrapped the birthday present Dan had bought for her.
The birthday group consisted of Daisy’s brothers and sisters, Dan, Jess, Ella and three local girls who would be in the same school year as Daisy when she started at the public school a month from now.
Jess had found some potential playmates for Daisy.
‘Dad lets me have things because he knows I’ll be responsible with them.’ Daisy spoke the words with a smile.
Dan returned that smile. ‘Chemistry sets need to be used under careful supervision, but I think you’ll enjoy it, Daisy.’
‘You do well with her, Dan.’ Jess made the comment from Dan’s side. ‘A chemistry set was a great idea for her.’
‘Thanks.’ Dan turned to look at Jess, and for once really allowed himself to look. Today she wore a floral print skirt teamed with a black sleeveless top, big wooden hoop earrings and a chunky wooden necklace. She looked young and vibrant and beautiful.
And Dan was pushing forty, a father of five growing children. What on earth did he imagine Jess might see in him when she could have any man of any age? She would probably only want a man much closer to her own age. Why even ask the question anyway?
Because you know you are attracted to her.
Well, he could just become unattracted. And right now Jess not only looked gorgeous, she also, behind her cheerfulness, seemed a little worried or…scared?
If that had anything to do with her work for him, Dan needed to know. Was Luke making things difficult for Jess still?
Jess lit the candles on the cake.
‘You have to make a birthday wish before you blow out the candles, Daisy.’ Another of the little girls made this suggestion as they all crowded closer. ‘You can come to my house for my birthday, too. It’s in March.’
‘Thanks.’ Excitement dawned in Daisy’s eyes. ‘I’d love to do that.’
Daisy blew out her candles. She even closed her eyes first.
The wheel of a baby walker butted against Dan’s foot. He glanced down and straight into a pair of soft grey eyes so like Jess’s. Ella smiled up at him.
‘Well done, Daisy,’ Jess said.
Was Jess working very hard not to be aware of Dan, or was he imagining it? Dan needed to stop such thoughts whether they were right or not.
Jess went on. ‘Time to dish up this cake and see if it turned out as well as I hoped.’
Jess had baked and decorated the cake last night. She was dedicated to her job. She handled the basics of the housekeeping with apparent ease, too, and that had taken a load off for Dan.
It had made him wonder if he could have a housekeeper on a permanent basis. He’d been busy saving to move the family, and he probably hadn’t really wanted the interference anyway but with Jess…
Dan had enjoyed having her in the house. Especially on the days he’d worked from home.
Not good thoughts to have, Dan Frazier. She’s the daycare mum who has also generously helped out with housekeeping and cooking, and that’s all she should be to you.
‘Would you like the treasure hunt now, Daisy? Excuse me.’ Jess slipped past Dan to start supervising the activity. The hem of her skirt brushed against Dan’s leg. Dan looked at a piece of bright fabric against his denim cut-offs and he breathed in and caught the scent of her perfume warmed against her skin and wanted.
‘Ah, let me just give you some room.’ Dan shifted back, and Jess’s head dipped until all he could see was the fan of her lashes against her skin, and he knew Jess was just as aware of him as he was of her. If he kissed her, maybe he would be able to figure out why—
Dan’s mind froze as the thought registered.
Jess moved away and the party went on around them, but from that point on Dan couldn’t go anywhere near her without being conscious of her.
And from the way she kept avoiding his gaze, she was equally conscious of him.
Two hours later parents started arriving to collect their children, and soon after it was just Fraziers and Jess and Ella.
Dan turned to Daisy. ‘Now that the party’s over would you like to rest for a bit, or are you busting to get into your chemistry set?’
Daisy gave him a considering look. ‘I’d like to read the books that came with it, first. And we don’t want to start anything with that set while Mary and Annapolly are around. I think we’ll need to use it after they’ve gone to bed at night, Dad.’
‘Oh, clever work, Daisy.’ Jess, who’d been tidying paper plates and plastic cups off the long trestle table, spoke softly beneath her breath so only Dan heard. ‘Care for your sisters and negotiation for a later bedtime, all rolled into one.’
She turned quickly aside, but not before Dan saw the smile that crept to her face.
Dan cleared his throat. ‘We’ll discuss that later, Daisy.’
Daisy went off to read, and Mary and Annapolly played with leftover wrapping paper and pieces of ribbon. Jess warned them not to stick anything into their noses but Annapolly had learned that lesson.
Ella was still in her walker and Jess and Dan started in again on the mess.
Dan said abruptly, ‘Daisy’s eleven now, and I let Rob have an extra hour at that age.’
‘Yes, of course. You know what you’re doing, Dan.’
Jess pursed her lips and nodded soberly, while her eyes danced and the big wooden hoop earrings danced and that damned necklace sat between her breasts and kept drawing Dan’s gaze.
‘Thanks for finding some girls her own age to come to her party.’ Dan all but growled the words, but he meant them, just the same.
‘I knew one of them already and she was more than happy to bring two of her friends.’ Jess’s face softened. ‘I’m glad they seemed to get along with Daisy.’
Dan shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced about the big yard at the party remnants. Even the tree cubby house was decorated in streamers. Jess had asked him to purchase them and then let the kids loose to make things festive.
‘If you need to work, Dan, I can keep going here.’ Jess glanced at the three little girls as she spoke. ‘They’re all content for the moment.’
She followed Dan’s gaze to the tree house. ‘This sure is a great home for children. I’d like to explore the rest of the property one day, though I guess they’d all need to be in the right mood.’
Dan could be in the right mood. In fact, Dan was in too much of a right mood at the moment. ‘I’ll help you clean up.’ He couldn’t just leave her with all of it, Dan justified.
They worked together to clear away the aftermath of the birthday party. Jess disappeared periodically to check on one or other of the children. She was being very vigilant in that respect and Dan suspected she still felt guilty over Annapolly’s episode with the tissue paper.
Dan took out the trash and glanced up from the task and there was Jess on the veranda, lifting her daughter into her arms while she said something to Luke who’d been about to ride past her on his bicycle.
Dan’s eldest gave Jess a sullen look and then cast one in his father’s direction as well, and rode away. Luke needed to mend that attitude because Dan didn’t want Jess leaving thanks to the boy being unreasonable.
I want to keep her working here so she’s always around.
The thought pushed into Dan’s mind, pushed past four years of defences and a lot of buried grief and just lobbed into his brain. Not his heart, though. This tightness that he had so often in his chest, that wasn’t about Jess. That had started long before Dan met her. If there were other responses inside his chest right now that did relate to Jess, well, they were because she was working out so well for the kids.
‘I just put Ella down for a nap. I think all the excitement today wore her out.’
Jess had joined him in the kitchen. He hadn’t even realised he’d gone inside and had been standing there, staring into space. Thinking about the past and thinking about Jess.
‘I don’t know about your life. Except that you’re raising your baby on your own, and you’re proving to be good for my children.’
‘I’m enjoying caring for them.’ Jess bit her lip. ‘Trying not to crowd them, but to keep a close enough eye on all of them at the same time. Trying to win Luke’s trust. He’s still angry over what happened to Annapolly, and…well, I’m not sure what else is bothering him. I think the birthday party came off well, anyway.’
‘It did, and Luke is just going to have to settle down.’ Dan didn’t want to think about the reasons for Luke’s attitude. If Luke thought he had the right to decide Dan couldn’t have a social life, he was wrong about that.
It wasn’t the issue, here, but…
Dan pushed the thoughts away. ‘Jess, will you tell me about your family? Where you grew up and what brought you here to Randurra?’ Maybe if he understood Jess better, that would help him to guide Luke as well.
Or simply make it more difficult for you to keep your interest in her on a professional footing.
For a moment she was silent and then she drew a big breath and turned to search his eyes. ‘I grew up in Wollongong, so not too far from Sydney, really. My parents died when I was small. I don’t remember them. An older aunt raised me and she passed away during my last year of high school. I worked in a few casual jobs after high school until I decided to become a certified daycare mum.’
She hesitated before she went on. ‘While I was expecting Ella, I came here to Randurra.’
A fierce expression came over her face. ‘I’m going to make sure my daughter has security and love for as long as she needs it in life. That she’s always got me and doesn’t feel abandoned.’
As Jess had felt alone because of her loss of family?
Dan had been telling himself they had nothing in common but there was this…
Had she chosen to be a daycare mum as a means of trying to fill that lack of family in her life? ‘Your vocation—’
‘Is something that I truly enjoy. I adore children, and I know there are plenty of parents who want to work while their children are small, or need to. That’s a personal choice. It’s just, for myself, I’d prefer to keep Ella close by.’
Jess turned the conversation to Dan. ‘What about you? You came here from Sydney, but what about your life before that? Do you have other family?’
‘There’s my sister and brother-in-law. Dad passed away ten years ago and Mum retired to Queensland. I see her about once a year.’
Jess nodded. ‘And the children’s mother…’
‘Her name was Rebecca.’ Dan drew a breath. It wasn’t as though it was difficult to talk about her. He’d done so with the kids so many times.
Yet his chest still hurt, unexpectedly so when he looked into Jess’s soft, understanding eyes. ‘I loved her from when we were teenagers. We were together for eighteen years. She…got cancer while she was pregnant with Annapolly and the specialist team believed there’d be time to treat it but I lost her a month after the birth. That was four years ago.’
The moment Dan said it, he wondered if he should regret it. He didn’t bare his soul to others, and the loss of Rebecca was something that was in his past now. He’d grieved and got on with his life, so why did it hurt so much to admit what Dan had known from the start? That Rebecca had been his chance at love and he. hadn’t had enough time with her?
Jess didn’t recoil. Instead, understanding and something that wasn’t envy but perhaps longing flashed across her face before she quickly dropped her gaze. When she looked up again, her expression was guarded. ‘I’m sorry for your loss, Dan. Thank you for telling me how she died. I don’t think I mentioned that I took the children back to the hospital. We just dropped off a small gift to the children’s ward. I think that was a good balancing experience for all of them.’
‘Daisy told me about it.’ Dan acknowledged her words with a dip of his chin, and wondered how his exploration into understanding Jess Baker had turned into an exposé of his own thoughts. ‘What I really want to know is if you’re okay, Jess? Sometimes I see worry in your eyes.’
She blinked, and blinked again and something in her face seemed to tighten before she threw back her shoulders and stuck out her chin. ‘I’m okay, Dan. Of course I am.’
But Jess wasn’t, not entirely. So what wasn’t she telling him?
Dan pondered that question again the next day as he dug out the box of family photos and started to put some on the walls. The urn with Rebecca’s ashes was still in its box.
The pictures felt somehow different. It must be the new house. And if Jess said she was fine, then he had to believe her. Didn’t he?
Dan buried himself in his work. Over the following days he was able to scale down the amount of time he was spending in Sydney, but the hours were still long. When he felt tired he ate packets of crisps. He barely even thought about Jess being around all the time, or listened for her voice while he was working, or enjoyed checking in with her when he stepped out of his den to see how the children were getting along.
Right, Dan. That’s exactly how it is.
Well, at least he seemed to have convinced Luke that he was only interested in how Jess cared for his family, and Jess seemed to be making progress whittling down the boy’s defences.
Days went past with Jess feeling way too conscious of Dan. Why did it have to be like this when he had told her how much he’d loved his wife? Surely she had nothing left inside her when it came to trusting a man, and it was clear she could never compete with Dan’s Rebecca, even if she wanted to.
‘I think I’m confused.’ Jess muttered the words at a pile of clothing as she shoved it into the machine in the laundry room.
Maybe she needed to believe that not every man was selfish and uncaring like Peter, Ella’s father. Maybe that was all.
Oh, yes? And that fact alone made her pulse race every time she thought of Dan, or looked at him?
‘Jess, I wanted to ask if you’d like—’
‘Oh. Dan. I didn’t realise you were there.’
He had his glasses on his nose, so he must have been working on the computer in his den. And he was so close. Jess could reach out and trace the grooves beside his mouth with her fingertips, or caress his ruffled dark hair.
And Dan could be totally resistant to all of the above, because she was his employee and not in his age bracket and he had been resistant to being aware of her, right from the start.
‘Oh. Um…’ Think, Jessica. About something other than how delectable he looks. ‘What—what did you want to ask me, Dan?’ Even saying his name sent a thrill through her.