The Rebel and the Baby Doctor

CHAPTER TWO

‘IT’S all right to hold him, you know? I promise you, he won’t break.’ The specialist nurse was smiling as she came to stand beside Phoebe.

‘But he’s so tiny and vulnerable. I just can’t get used to the idea that he’s dependent on us for his every need. It’s such an awesome responsibility.’

Phoebe was struggling to keep her emotions in check as she looked down at the infant in the cot. A whole range of feelings washed over her, threatening to engulf her. This baby was so fragile, so delicate in every way, with fingers no bigger than matchsticks, curled possessively around the ends of her thumbs, and little legs that were bunched up to his abdomen as though he was still enjoying the safety of the womb.

‘I think you’ll find that they’re a lot tougher than we give them credit for. Most babies are born with the instinct to survive. That’s why they cry and gasp and struggle to make their needs known.’

‘You’re probably right, but I’m glad you’re here to help me through this, at any rate,’ Phoebe said, glancing towards the nurse. ‘I have to check him out to see what’s causing his problems, but you’ve probably already diagnosed him on instinct.’

‘Sort of. I have my theories. I’ve worked in Neonatal for a long time, so we get a sense of what’s what.’ Katie’s mouth curved. ‘You’ll get used to it.’

‘I hope so.’ Phoebe gathered in a deep breath and gave her attention back to the baby. ‘Right you are, little man. Let’s see if we can get this over with as quickly and easily as possible. Best to do it now while you’re peaceful and your mum has gone to get herself something to eat.’ She looked back at Katie. ‘We’ll start with a blood test for bilirubin levels, and then I’ll order up an abdominal X-ray. He’s very jaundiced, and, given how poorly he is, and the fact that he’s already three weeks old, I suspect there’s more going on here than we initially thought.’

‘I think you’re right.’ Katie nodded. ‘He’s not making any weight gain and his skin colour is becoming darker despite the treatments he’s had so far.’

Phoebe gingerly picked up the infant, cradling the soft bundle in her arms for a minute or two and gazing down at him. ‘Okay, little fellow,’ she said, after a while, ‘let’s get this over with, shall we?’

It was around half an hour later by the time she had finished doing all the tests and returned the baby to his crib. His mother was waiting for him, and Phoebe watched as she sat down beside his cot and lightly stroked his cheek.

‘I took him away to do a few tests to see what’s what, but he looks comfortable enough for now, and he’s none the worse for wear,’ Phoebe told her, and the mother nodded, before turning her attention back to the child.

‘Thanks. He looks so ill, doesn’t he? Is it something I’ve done that’s made him this way? Is it my fault?’ The woman didn’t look at her but there was a tremor in her voice that hinted at the strain she was under.

‘No, it’s nothing that you’ve done,’ Phoebe hastened to assure her. ‘You had no control over what’s happening to him, I’m sure of that. His liver isn’t functioning properly, but we’re doing everything we can to help him through this, and I want you to know that we’re here for you whenever you need us. As soon as I have all the test results I’ll come back and talk to you. Don’t be afraid to ask anything at all. We’ll do our best to answer your questions.’

The woman seemed to be satisfied with that for the moment. ‘Thank you,’ she said.

Phoebe left her with the baby and went to pick up the samples she had taken, making sure that the vials were labelled and packaged correctly. ‘I’m going over to the lab with these,’ she told Katie. ‘It’ll be quicker if I take them myself. Bleep me if you need me at all.’

She left the samples and forms with the lab technician a short time later, and she was heading back towards Reception when she saw that Connor was walking in her direction. Steeling herself, she continued towards the lift bay.

His stride was long, confident and supple, and she tried not to notice how he managed to look so much like a doctor at ease with himself and the world. Why was it that everything fell into place for him as though he had been born to the job? What had happened to that rebellious young man who’d challenged the adults around him at every opportunity and had generally made his presence felt?

‘Hi, there,’ he said cheerfully. ‘I’ve been wondering if I would run into you at all today. I heard that you’d been sent over to Neonatal. How’s it going?’ He looked at her closely. ‘Not so well, from the looks of things.’

‘You’re right,’ she answered. ‘I’m not at all sure that I’m cut out for it. The babies are all so frail and ill, as though they’re just clinging on to life, and I feel as though they need someone much more capable than me to take care of them.’

‘You wanted more time to get used to the idea?’

She nodded. ‘It was a bit of a shock to find myself posted there. Apparently I’m also supposed to attend A and E if there’s a case that needs to be transferred to Neonatal. These next few months are going to be sheer hell.’

‘I’m sure you’ll survive.’ His grey eyes met hers. ‘You can always come and cry on my shoulder. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces, any time.’

She gave a brief, tight smile. ‘Yeah, sure you will.’

He draped an arm around her shoulders. ‘You’re a good doctor, Phoebe—I’ve heard people say as much. You qualified the year before last, didn’t you, and you have the world at your fingertips. What you need is to have more confidence in yourself.’

‘That’s easier said than done, isn’t it? It’s all very well for you, in your third year after qualifying—you must already know that you’ve made the grade.’

She tried to keep a level tone, but it was hard for her to even think straight with his hand curved around her shoulder that way. His closeness was compelling, as though he would shield her from all life’s hardships. She could feel the warmth of his fingers seeping through the cotton of her blouse, right through to her flesh, and little eddies of sensation were rippling out in ever-widening circles along her arm and the back of her neck. It was comforting and disturbing, all at the same time.

It was distracting. She shouldn’t be feeling like this…She had no idea why Connor’s touch should make her feel so strange. Alex was the man she cared about, the one who made her feel warm and protected, the one who made her light up inside with his smile.

Connor was the one who brought a ripple of nervous excitement to her stomach, who filled her mind and her stomach with fluttery feelings of peculiar expectation. As a youth he had always been wayward and rebellious, a boy who had made her feel unsettled and somehow represented a sensual threat to her well-being, but as a man he was doubly so, for reasons she couldn’t begin to explain to herself. All she knew was that he was to be avoided at all costs. It wouldn’t do to let him pierce her defences.

‘You’ll do it, too. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll make the grade. You’ll see, you’ll work out what it is that you really want, and you’ll end up with the career that satisfies you beyond all else.’ He smiled down at her, his grey-blue eyes searching her face and seeking out everything she would have kept hidden from him. ‘You were always the sensible one, the girl who had her priorities all worked out. People know they can rely on you, Phoebe, and that will go for the children in your care, too.’

‘I’m glad you think so. I just wish I wasn’t filled with so many doubts.’

‘You shouldn’t let them get to you. You haven’t changed a bit, from what I’ve seen. You’re cool under pressure, caring, practical and completely organised…all the things that make for a doctor who can be relied on. And you’re beautiful, with it…even more beautiful than I remember.’ His gaze intensified, lit by a warm glint of appreciation. ‘When I saw you last night, wearing that dress that looked as though it had been sprayed on, I thought, Wow, that girl is a stunner.’

A quick flush of colour ran along her cheekbones. ‘Well, thanks for that, I think…’ She sent him a quizzical look. ‘Not that I recall you ever commenting as such in the past. Then again, you were always too busy racketing around.’

‘Not a bit of it. I had a very clear view of you…silky blonde hair shining like a halo of gold, and blue eyes as deep as the ocean. A soft, kissable mouth…What I wouldn’t have given to explore the possibilities there…only you were always just that little bit out of reach…’ He gazed down at her, a smile playing around his mouth. ‘That was deliberate, wasn’t it? You weren’t ever going to let me that near you…at least, not close enough to make any kind of physical impact.’

Her brows lifted. ‘Can you blame me? I saw too many girls wandering around with broken hearts, wondering where it was they had gone wrong.’ She wagged a finger at him. ‘But I knew where the answer lay. Their mistake was in thinking that you could ever be serious about any of them.’

Her mouth twisted slightly. ‘I really don’t see that things are any different now. You’re just that bit older and more experienced at winding women around your little finger. I was never going to let myself be counted among them.’

She had always been well aware of Connor when they’d been young. Alex was keen to spend time with his cousin, and since she and Alex were good friends it followed that she would run into Connor every now and again.

They went around together in a group, from time to time, and she enjoyed the usual banter and camaraderie, but she was always careful to keep a guard on her heart where Connor was concerned.

She treated him to a high-voltage smile. ‘And that still stands. You can cross me off your list of would-be conquests. I had the vaccination early and I’m immune.’

‘And I’m cut to the quick to hear you say that.’ He put on a wounded look. ‘I don’t know how you could imagine that I would play with your feelings that way. I practically grew up with you. I think the world of you.’

She laughed. ‘Maybe. I’m sure plenty of people would believe you.’ She fixed him with her gaze. ‘So, tell me how things are going for you. On the work front, I mean. I expect you found your feet straight away in A and E.’

He gave a slight shrug, letting his hand drop away from her, and immediately she felt as though a draught of cold air had wafted over her. ‘It’s okay, I guess.’

He didn’t seem to have any problem with changing the direction of the conversation, and that only confirmed her belief that he was all gloss and no substance.

‘It’s scary, some of the things these children get up to, though,’ he added. ‘You’d think they would have an inbuilt sense of self-preservation, but time and again you see them involved in accidents that might have been prevented. Only this morning I had to treat a six-year-old boy who fell thirty feet from a tree.’

She frowned. ‘Is he going to be okay?’

‘I think so. With any luck, there’ll be no lasting damage. He has a couple of limbs in plaster, and we’re keeping him under observation for a head injury, but he’s better than we might have expected.’

‘That’s a relief.’ She sighed. ‘It’s always boys, isn’t it? It seems as though they simply have to push things to the limit when it comes to exploration and inquisitiveness.’

She wrinkled her nose at him. ‘Like you, when you filched your father’s canoe and went out on the river—do you remember? That stretch of water was hazardous, and you weren’t a particularly strong swimmer at the time.’

‘How was I to know that I needed to be?’ His expression was one of bewilderment. ‘I thought the water was about two feet deep. It was only when they brought in a clean-up team a few months later that I learned the river was some eight or nine feet deep.’

She shuddered at the memory. ‘No wonder my parents told me to keep away from you. You were a liability, to yourself and others.’

He laughed. ‘Maybe, but it was exciting, wasn’t it?’

‘For you, perhaps.’ To this day, she remembered the anxiety in the pit of her stomach as she’d watched him tip over into the frothing waters of the weir and come up seconds later, thrashing about and gasping for air. It had only been because he’d managed to grab hold of the canoe and cling on until it washed up against the river-bank that he was here to tell the tale. And yet it hadn’t served to daunt him, had it? Just weeks later he’d been wading out further downstream, trying to catch fish with his bare hands.

‘You never did learn a lesson from that, did you?’ she said. ‘You were back there the next day, bold as brass, showing off to all the youngsters from the village.’

‘You were there, too, weren’t you? I remember waving to you and you shook your head and turned your back on me.’ He frowned. ‘I was devastated.’

‘No, you weren’t. I heard you laughing and fooling about with your friends. You acted like you were the king of the river.’

He chuckled. ‘Maybe. I was an idiot. I craved excitement. I wanted to prove that I could do anything I wanted. Even knowing that I was going to get it in the neck from my father didn’t stop me from testing the boundaries.’ He walked with her over to the lifts.

Phoebe pressed the button on the wall panel. ‘I used to wonder how your poor mother coped. You have a sister, too, don’t you, but at least she was never in any kind of trouble. She had far more sense than to follow in your footsteps.’

‘Olivia was always going to turn out all right. She set her sights on family and children and that’s exactly what she has now. She’s a homemaker. It suits her to let the world pass her by.’

‘But that wouldn’t do for you, would it?’ She studied him briefly as she heard the lift start to make its descent towards the ground floor. ‘You were always a restless spirit, forever on the move. I wasn’t the least bit surprised when you headed off for London. It was only later, when I heard that you had decided to go to medical school, that you did something unexpected with your life.’

His glance trailed over her. ‘You have no faith in me at all, do you? I can see that we have a lot of catching up to do.’ He smiled. ‘Are you free for lunch today? It might be pleasant to take a walk in the woodland close by here. It starts just at the back of the hospital, and we could enjoy the spring sunshine for a while.’

She shook her head. ‘I’m afraid I’m not. I said I would meet up with Alex in the cafeteria at lunchtime, but you’d be welcome to join us if you wanted. My break starts at 1.30. Alex isn’t having too great a time, by all accounts, and I want to give him some moral support. Jessica saw him earlier and said he was a bit down in the mouth.’

Connor made a wry face. ‘That’s a shame—for Alex, and for us. It would have been good to have the chance to talk for longer, just you and me.’ He tilted his head a little to one side. ‘You’re very fond of Alex still, aren’t you? I wasn’t really surprised to find that you two are living together.’

Her mouth flattened. ‘We’re not living together, as you so bluntly put it. We just happen to share the same house. Jessica lives there, too, remember?’

‘I do. But you and Alex go way back, don’t you? I still catch you looking at him with those moon eyes, as though he’s sugar candy wrapped up in exotic packaging.’

She laughed. ‘Jealous, are you? Poor Connor. That must be a very odd experience for you.’ She lightly patted his hand. ‘You’ll get over it, I’m sure. You were never one to worry over lost opportunities. There’s always another one just around the corner.’

‘You’re a cruel woman, and you have me all wrong, you know.’ He made a good attempt at a crestfallen face, but Phoebe was wise to his antics.

The lift doors swished open. ‘I have to go,’ she said, stepping inside. ‘There are several babies who need me much more than you do. Perhaps I’ll see you later, back at the house.’

He nodded and waved a hand in acknowledgement as the lift doors closed on her, and once the lift started to move and he was out of her field of vision she relaxed a little, letting out a long, slow sigh and allowing her shoulders to slump a fraction. Somehow, she hadn’t realised how much the tension had been building up inside her as she had spoken to Connor, or how much she had relied on her senses to help her to stay on alert. He was a threat to her in every way imaginable, and it was sheer relief to be moving out of range.

Alex, on the other hand, was a much easier person to get along with. There were no worries with him. She knew what to expect, and he was always there for her, just as she was there for him.

‘Is the consultant giving you a hard time?’ she asked Alex as they collected their lunch trays in the hospital restaurant a couple of hours later. ‘I was hoping that things would be going smoothly for you.’

‘He’s watching me like a hawk. I think he remembers me from a year or so back. He thinks I have promise, but need a push to live up to it.’

‘So he’s going in hard, right from the beginning? It seems a bit strange to be doing that this early on.’

His mouth twisted. ‘I was supposed to have done some groundwork on a few of the case notes before starting ward rounds with him today. Usually I wouldn’t have had too many problems with that, but someone dropped the files and it was all a bit of a scramble to put things together again in time. I had to think on my feet and hope that everything would be all right. I don’t think the consultant was too impressed.’

Phoebe carried her tray to a table by the window. ‘I can’t help thinking that it’s a bit unfair really, to come down so hard on you right from the outset, but I’m sure you’ll manage to sort things out. You’ve a good, clear head on your shoulders, and you’re brilliant with the patients. Your boss is bound to see that, given time.’

He grimaced. ‘I hope so. I suppose he’s only doing his job, keeping me on my toes. I started off on the wrong foot, wanting to do A and E instead, but things don’t always go according to plan…like you with the neonatal. I wish we could have been working together, Phoebe. I always seem to get along so much better when you’re around. It’s as though everything magically falls into place around you.’

She chuckled at that, and started to eat her lunch, twirling spaghetti around her fork with a deft hand. ‘If only…I could do with a magic touch, up on Neonatal.’

Alex ate a mouthful of steak pie. ‘I think Connor was there when they handed out the pixie dust,’ he said after a moment or two. ‘Everything he touches seems to go his way. Did you see the car he’s driving around in?’

Phoebe shook her head. ‘I came in with Jessica this morning. We set out some fifteen minutes after Connor left, and I guessed he must have parked in the garage block last night.’ She flicked a glance at him. ‘Is it something special?’

‘A midnight-blue convertible. I can’t believe he landed on his feet so well…I know his family have money, but he always reckoned he’d make his own way in the world.’

‘Perhaps he changed his mind.’

‘Yeah, maybe.’ Alex finished off his food and glanced across the room. ‘Talk of the devil.’

Phoebe blinked. ‘He’s here?’

Alex nodded. Her glance followed his, and met with Connor’s piercing gaze.

‘Pity he left it so late to put in an appearance, or we might have had a chat.’ Alex glanced at the watch on his wrist. ‘I have to be getting back to Orthopaedics. I want to get on the good side of my boss, and if I show him I can put in extra time, it might help things along.’

He pushed his chair back and stood up, coming around the table to give Phoebe a swift embrace. ‘It was good being able to have lunch together,’ he said. ‘You’ve helped me to put a bright face on things.’

She smiled up at him. ‘You’ll be fine,’ she murmured. She laid a hand lightly on his arm. ‘Just remember what it was that made you decide to become a doctor in the first place. You were so good at helping people when you volunteered with the rescue services that they all thought it was something you should follow up on. That still stands, to this day.’

He brushed the back of his hand gently over her cheek. ‘And you’re a treasure. Remind me to pay you back some day.’

Phoebe flashed him a mischievous grin. ‘You can do that by remembering to get the groceries in. If you don’t, you’ll have Jessica to reckon with.’

‘Oh, no. Save me from that.’ Alex started to walk away from the table, raising a hand in greeting to Connor as he went.

Phoebe looked across the room at Connor. He wasn’t alone. He was with a senior house officer from A and E, a pretty girl who Phoebe had chatted with from time to time. The woman’s cheeks were faintly flushed, and Phoebe guessed she was finding it all too easy to fall for Connor’s charm.

Phoebe’s mouth took on a wry slant. It hadn’t taken him long to find someone willing to take her place by his side this lunchtime, had it? Were the two of them coming in here to grab a sandwich after a pleasant stroll along the leafy paths that threaded through the woods nearby? Why did that thought needle her so much?

It was the supreme confidence of the man…that must be it. As Alex had said, Connor managed to land on his feet every time.

CHAPTER THREE

‘YOU’RE very quiet. Is everything all right?’ Phoebe glanced at Jessica as they tended to the flowerbeds in the garden at the back of the house. She pulled up a handful of chickweed and tossed it into a bucket.

‘It’s fine.’ Jessica stood up and placed her hands on the back of her hips, stretching her spine as though she was aching a little.

‘You don’t have to do this with me, you know.’ Phoebe shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked up at her friend. ‘I like being out here, and I find that I can think things through more easily if I spend some time tidying up the garden, but I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.’

‘It isn’t that…I think plants brighten the place up, and this is such a small area that it doesn’t take much to look after it. It’s more of a courtyard, really, isn’t it, but it’s great to sit out here and enjoy the lovely summer weather.’ Jessica flopped down into a wrought-iron chair by the round table and helped herself to a glass of fruit juice. ‘Shall I pour one for you?’ She lifted the glass jug and raised a brow in query.

‘Yes, please. I’m parched.’ Phoebe pulled off her cotton gardening gloves and went to sit down opposite her.

She took a moment to look around. The walls of the house were white-painted, reflecting the warmth of the sun, so that it was pleasant to sit out here and while away an hour or so. At intervals, the walls were covered with rectangles of wooden trellis, where jasmine scrambled and filled the air with delicate perfume. Stone planters were placed at strategic points on the terrace, filled with bright pansies, adding colour here and there.

Phoebe looked again at her friend. She was faintly concerned. Despite Jessica’s light-hearted chatter, she couldn’t help thinking that something was bothering her, and the garden talk was a cover-up. ‘How are things going with Mr Kirk and his team? Is it all turning out as you hoped it might?’

Jessica pulled a face. ‘Not exactly.’ She might have said more, but Connor emerged from the house just then and came to join them.

‘So there you are. I wondered where you had all gone. I just came back from the garage and the house was empty.’ He looked from one to the other. ‘You’ve a smudge on your face, Phoebe…leaf green. It’s quite fetching, but it doesn’t quite go with the peaches-and-cream look. Want me to rub it off for you?’

He moved towards her, his hands at the ready, and Phoebe inched herself back in her seat, avoiding his seeking fingers. ‘I’ll do it myself, thanks.’ It was a plague on her nervous system that he was here at all, without him attempting to lay his hands on her. She pulled a tissue from her pocket and rubbed vigorously at her cheek.