Close Your Eyes: A gripping psychological thriller with a killer twist!
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I watched as he jumped off, and grabbing her hand he dragged her to the roundabout to push him on it. She smiled over at me and I smiled back. She was good with him and looked so happy. I wanted to get up and join in, but it was important for them to have their time alone.
There was no doubt that Katie and I had a future together. I had known it for just about as long as I had known her, despite not wanting to admit it at the time. She was kind and thoughtful, and her laugh lit a fire. When she learnt about my condition she didn’t judge, she didn’t ask questions. She accepted it, and me. She offered patience when I occasionally forgot a word, and she would soothe me when I woke from a bad dream as the crash haunted me. Because of her I had pieced together some small moments from the boy I once was. We discovered that when I was drifting to sleep she could ask me questions and occasionally things would lift from my subconscious. She wrote them down and sometimes I would recall what it meant. If only for a moment. When I had my lightning bolts of recollection of past moments, she waited until I was ready to say what I had seen. Her patience and understanding were more than I felt I deserved at times.
As Thomas continued to scream for Katie to spin him faster and faster I let myself picture a future with us three in it, just for a second until it was broken by Thomas running over to me, dizzy and smiling from ear to ear.
‘Daddy, did you see how fast I was spinning?’
‘I did,’ I replied smiling back.
‘Come and spin with me.’
‘Thomas, darling, it’s time to start heading back.’
‘Do we have to, Daddy?’
‘I’m afraid so. But don’t worry, next weekend will come quickly, and we will have the whole weekend together to play games and go out for yummy food. How does that sound?’
‘Can we go ice-skating?’
‘We can even do that.’
‘Will Katie be there too?’
‘Would you like her to be?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Yeah?’ I said grabbing my boy and hugging him tightly. ‘Well, let’s see what Daddy can do.’
I took his little hand and the three of us started to walk towards the cars, Thomas pausing to grab hold of Katie’s as well so we could swing him between us. With the sun setting behind us, our shadows were stretching out over the frosty ground. The three of us, hand in hand walking together.
Back at our cars I gave Katie a kiss and told her I wouldn’t be long. She and Rachael knew each other and got along well. We often met up with her and her new husband, Sean, for dinner. She liked him too, as did I. As hard as it was to accept that Rachael had moved on, at least it was with a decent man who Thomas really liked. After they had first met, Sean called me to talk about how he wasn’t trying to replace me in Thomas’s life. Like he had replaced me in Rachael’s.
Thomas was nearly four when we, actually she, decided it was best for us to separate, for the sake of our son. It had broken my heart. More because I wouldn’t be with Thomas night after night. But we both knew it would be the best thing for him in the long term. No courts would be involved. I could talk with Thomas whenever I wanted and big events, like birthdays and Christmases we still came together, even when she had married Sean. We did it for Thomas at first, to make sure he didn’t feel like he wasn’t loved because of love breaking down in other places. But now, we did it because, despite everything, we were friends. That’s why the five of us would all be seeing in the new year together, as a giant family.
Although Rachael and Katie got along, Katie didn’t come with me to drop Thomas off. She said it was time for his mother and father to catch up, to make plans for the coming week and ensure things ran as smoothly as possible for him. The little things, like this, made it easy to love her.
As I unlocked the car, Thomas let go and ran back to Katie to give her a hug. His little arms wrapping around her waist. Katie kissed the top of his head and then smiled at me, the kind of smile that made me want to burst. He said goodbye and ran back over, climbing into his car seat. Katie mouthed that she loved me, and I mouthed it back. She blew me a kiss, got into her car and drove away. I watched her disappear down the road.
Chapter 3
Daniel
Stamford
29th December 2017, 3.41 p.m.
‘All strapped in tightly.’
‘Yes, Daddy.’
‘Great, shall we take you home, little man?’
Getting into the driver’s seat I looked at Thomas through the rear-view mirror, watching him smile at the other children who were now playing on the swings he had been. Content, I began the ten-minute drive back to Rachael’s house, the sound of the radio playing quietly above the hum of the car. I wanted to talk about Katie, it took me a few minutes to work out how. If I appeared too nonchalant he might think his view, or my feelings, didn’t matter, and they did, very much. If I went in too gung-ho it might freak him out. I took a deep breath.
‘Thomas?’
I waited for a response, one that was not forthcoming, as Thomas was so wrapped up in people-watching through the car window. So, I turned down the radio, which lifted him from his trance.
‘Thomas, I want to talk to you about Katie.’
‘What about her?’
‘Did you enjoy spending time alone with her today?’
‘Yes, she’s great.’
‘What else do you think about her?’
‘What do you mean, Daddy?’
Pausing for a moment I thought about the best way to answer.
‘I mean, well …’
‘What do you think about her, Daddy?’
Thomas’s question caught me off guard and knowing I needed to be honest I pulled over into a layby, put on the handbrake and turned to be eye to eye with my son.
‘I care about her a lot.’
‘You mean you love her?’
‘How would you feel if I did?’
‘Well, Mummy loves Sean.’
‘She does love Sean, very much.’
‘Then you should love Katie.’
‘Should I?’
‘Yes, Daddy. I don’t like thinking of you on your own when Mummy has Sean’
‘Thomas, you don’t ever have to worry about me, okay? I’m fine.’
I looked into his big green eyes. I could feel him really caring. He was such a bright, bright boy.
‘I’m more than fine,’ I said. ‘Are you really okay with the idea of Katie and me?’
‘Of course, Daddy. Can we go home now? I’m getting hungry’.’
I laughed. ‘Before we do, can I ask you a really big question, one I want you to answer as honestly as you can. And don’t worry about what I might feel, this question is about how you feel …’
‘Daddy, if you love her, you should marry her.’
I smiled at my wonderful, intelligent boy, who in that moment looked at me with a wisdom beyond his years. I could feel myself welling up with pride.
‘You’re a brilliant boy, you know that, right?’
‘Uh-huh, can we go now?’
‘Of course, darling. Let’s get you home.’
Turning to face the road again I started the car, turned the radio back up, and drove the rest of the way to Rachael’s in silence, like nothing had happened. When we arrived, Thomas unfastened his seatbelt, jumped out of the car and ran to his front door, ringing the bell repeatedly until Sean answered. Following behind with his coat, I shook Sean’s hand.
‘Hello, mate. Good week off?’
‘Yes thanks, Sean. Went far too quickly though.’
‘I hear that.’
Thomas ran down the hallway into the kitchen, shouting to the entire house. ‘Daddy is going to get married.’
‘Really?’ said Sean, trying to hide his surprise.
‘I haven’t asked her yet, just wanted to know how Thomas felt.’
‘Well, he seems fine with it. Congratulations in advance,’ he said, patting me on the shoulder. ‘Come in, mate. Rach would love to hear.’
I chuckled to myself. I hadn’t even picked up the ring I’d been eying up – a single stone in a clasp that allowed you to see the diamond from all angles.
‘Sure. As long as I’m not interrupting.’
‘Of course not.’
Stepping into the house I had to take off my coat; the central heating was on high as Rachael always liked. Sean shut the door and gestured for me to walk to the kitchen. As I stepped into the kitchen Rachael stood back from her long embrace with our boy and Thomas walked to the fridge, opened it and buried his head in there to search out something to eat. He emerged with a Frube yogurt, held it in the air to wait for the nod to say he could have it before running into the living room where Sean had gone, no doubt to give me and Rachael a moment. I ruffled Thomas’s hair as he passed me. Once we were alone, I leant on the counter and smiled at Rachael. She looked tired. I knew her well enough to know what that meant.
‘Tough time at work?’
She laughed and lowered her head. ‘Am I that easy to read?’
I didn’t say anything but waited. Rachael wasn’t one to be pushed into talking. If she wanted to say, she’d say. If not, I’d not ask. A few seconds was usually the timeframe for us to either move on or discuss it further.
‘Just a patient of mine. Terminal. He blamed me for him dying today.’
‘He’s just …’
‘I know, I know, he’s angry. He’s afraid. I know he didn’t mean it. But it’s still hard to hear.’
‘I bet.’
‘I’m sure he will be calmer tomorrow. He’ll probably apologize and then we can focus on making sure his transition is as dignified as possible.’
‘I don’t know how you do it.’
‘Sometimes I don’t know either. Speaking of which; how is Katie’s dad?’
‘No change really.’
‘Is she okay?’
‘I think she’s coming to terms with it now. I guess that’s all anyone can do right?’
‘Yes. Anyway, Thomas has just told me. I hear congratulations are in order?’
I couldn’t help but laugh and feel embarrassed. I hadn’t planned it enough in my head for it to be said out loud. I needed to know what Thomas felt before I let myself go that far. She read my mind. She often did.
‘He’s clearly happy about it.’
‘It seems so.’
‘So, when?’
‘I haven’t worked that out yet, soon. Are you all right with this?’
‘Of course. I’m really happy, Daniel. You deserve someone lovely.’
Rachael stepped towards me and gave me a hug, warm and safe. A hug that had changed in context, but never affection.
‘Thanks, Rach. Are you all good though?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, tomorrow is another day.’
‘It is indeed. Well, I’d better be off.’
‘I’ll see you out.’
Leaving the kitchen, Rachael followed. I leant into the living room where Thomas sat watching the start of Pixar’s Planes with Sean.
‘Bye, Sean.’
‘See you soon, Daniel. Congratulations again, you know, for when it happens.’
‘Thanks, mate. Bye, Thomas.’
‘Bye, Daddy,’ he said, unable to take his eyes off the screen.
‘Thomas, come and give your daddy a hug,’ said Rachael from the doorway.
‘Okay.’ He got up and wrapped himself in my arms. His hugs being the best part of any day.
‘I love you, little man.’
‘Love you too, Daddy.’
Putting on my coat I opened the door and turned back to Rachael, who crossed her arms as the cold air flooded in.
‘I mean it, Daniel. I’m really happy for you.’
‘Thanks, Rachael, it means a lot.’
‘She’s lovely. You two are really good together.’
‘Can I call later, to say goodnight to him?’
‘Of course you can. Are you two still coming on Sunday?’
‘Yep, we’re looking forward to it. Is there anything you want us to bring?’
‘A bottle of wine wouldn’t go amiss.’
‘That goes without saying.’
‘Then no, just you and Katie. Sean is doing dinner. God help us!’
‘I heard that!’ Sean shouted from the lounge, feigning hurt.
‘I’m in trouble now!’
‘Well, worst case, I’ll order us a takeaway.’
‘I heard that too, Dan! Have a little faith you two. I’m like Gordon Ramsay.’
‘I don’t doubt it,’ I shouted into the lounge.
‘Do you and Katie want to come over for about eight? If he hasn’t burnt the house down, of course,’ she said in a conspiring whisper, but still loud enough for Sean to call back that we were both so charming.
‘Eight sounds perfect. And not a word to Katie about … you know.’
‘Of course. When are you going to pop the question?’
‘Some time in the new year.’
‘I’m really happy for you, Dan.’
‘Thanks. See you Sunday,’ I said before calling out, ‘Bye, Sean. Bye, Thomas.
‘See you, mate.’
‘Bye, Daddy.’
I kissed Rachael on the cheek and walked back to my car, shielding my eyes as the setting sun blinded me and gave everything a soft orange glow. As I drove away, Thomas waving at me from the window, I let myself picture the moment I got down on one knee, imagining the look on Katie’s face. I couldn’t wait. 2018 was going to be a good year for us, for all of us. I could feel it.
Chapter 4
Daniel
Stamford
31st December 2017, 7.44 p.m.
I sat on my bed fully dressed, waiting for Katie, aimlessly scrolling through the posts on my Facebook newsfeed and trying my best not to think about the dream that had startled me awake early this morning.
It was the same as usual. I was in a car. But I don’t know what kind, or where I was. It was dark. Bright lights of a large van or lorry blinded me, and then I was rolling over and over and over until I stopped upside down. Blood dripped from my head, pooling onto the sunroof. Someone was shouting. I tried to move but couldn’t; I was trapped. Panic began to bubble up in my throat as I fought against the constraints of the seatbelt. No matter how hard I tried to get out, I couldn’t. Just as I thought any hope of me getting out was gone, just as I had believed that I would die in the car, a hand reached in and dragged me out. I couldn’t see the person. They didn’t have a face, it was just a blur.
They pulled me far enough away from the car that I would be safe, talking to me, but I can never remember what they said. The car goes up in flames and I can feel the heat on my face, it is singeing the hairs on my arms as I’m still that bit too close. The person looks at me and tells me to run.
That was what usually happened in the dream, give or take. Sometimes I climbed out of the wreck. Sometimes I was the one in the van or lorry smashing into the car. But I was always bleeding, and someone was always talking to me in sentences I couldn’t process, except for that one word – ‘run’. Their voice sounded like they were screaming underwater. Last night’s had something new though – something I hadn’t dreamt before – but it was just on the edge of whatever held on to dreams and stopped them coming forward with clarity. I could almost touch it. However, try as I might, I couldn’t quite touch it. I’d been wracking my brain all day to work out what the new thing was, frustrated with myself for not being able to see it.
I desperately wanted to talk to Will about it. To have his professional mind analyse what I had seen, but it was New Year’s Eve and I couldn’t call him, it would be selfish. So instead, I clutched my hand to my phone to stop it from shaking.
My Facebook timeline was full of comments about how hard or wonderful or heart-breaking the year had been, and how 2018 was a fresh start. As clichéd as that was, I felt it too. At some point early into 2018 I was going to ask my girlfriend, who was meticulously applying her eyeliner, to be my bride. We would then probably plan our wedding and honeymoon. Maybe even begin talking about children. A brother or sister for Thomas. Life can change in a heartbeat, so the prospect of an entire year and what change would come was almost too exciting to digest.
‘I’m nearly done,’ Katie called out as she moved on to applying mascara.
‘No rush, darling, we’ve still got time,’ I replied, despite it being close to eight. She smiled at me through the wardrobe mirror and continued applying. I watched her in the glass. I loved the way she pouted whilst she stroked the mascara brush delicately upwards. And how she needed to lean back from the mirror after to look at her handiwork because she refused to wear glasses despite being slightly long-sighted. She caught me looking and I saw her cheeks blush a little, a smile spreading on her face.
‘What?’
‘Nothing, darling. I just like looking at you.’
‘You’re hopeless.’
She was right, I was hopeless and I didn’t care. Getting up I took the necklace that she was struggling to clasp under her hair and clipped it together. A delicate silver chain with a pearl attached. A gift from her father. Once it was secured I stepped closer and held her shoulder, placing a kiss on the space between her neck and collarbone. She smiled, but I could see a sadness in her eyes as she looked at the pearl.
‘We can get up early tomorrow and go see him a day early if you want? I don’t have to drink tonight.’
‘No, it’s okay. Dad isn’t good in the mornings anymore.’
‘If you change your mind, I’m happy to stay on the soft drinks.’
‘Thank you, Dan, but it’s fine.’
‘Do you want to try and ring him?’
‘He’ll be asleep now. I’m sure he doesn’t really know what day it is today. If I call and he is by chance awake, it will remind him. I think I’d rather he wasn’t aware. Does that make sense?’
‘Yes, it does.’
I understood. If her father was aware that it was the start of a new year, he would also be aware it was likely, almost certain in fact, his last on this earth. His cancerous body in its last stages of fighting the disease, a fight he was always going to lose. And although he never said it out loud, with each visit – the ones where his medication was just enough to manage his pain but not so much that he was completely out of it – I could see that he wanted it to be over. So did Katie who, like her father, wouldn’t ever say. It killed me to see her quietly hurting as she fixated on the pearl. But there was nothing anyone could do. It was life, it begun, it ended and all we could do was make sure we had enough wonderful little bubbles floating with us when it was our time to pass.
Turning Katie around, I looked into her deep-brown eyes and watched as her pain lifted.
‘Are you all right?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine, thank you,’ she said before leaning in and kissing me softly. ‘How do I look?’
‘Perfect.’
She smiled and kissed me once more, this time less softly. A smacker landing hard on my lips before she turned to check her make-up one last time. ‘Shall we go?’
‘We could be a little late?’ I said, sliding my hands down her shoulders and onto her hips, pulling her closer.
‘And why would we be late when we are both ready?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know … But I can think of a reason,’ I replied with a cheeky wink.
‘Has that ever worked for you?’ she laughed, wrapping her arms around my neck.
‘I’m about to find out.’
I kissed her neck just under her left ear, the small patch of skin where I knew she loved to be kissed. With my lips placed there I listened as her breathing became heavier and she placed her hands on mine, moving them across her stomach, resting them just under her belly button. Turning her to face me, I kissed her lips, at first softy then, as she pressed herself into me, with more intent. Lifting up her dress I placed my hand back on her hip, my thumb sliding under the elastic of her underwear and, lowering myself, I slid them down her thighs before placing a kiss close to where I could feel heat. She pulled me back up and pushed me onto the bed, undoing and pulling down my jeans before climbing on top of me.
‘We are going to be so late, Dan.’
‘Not that late.’
‘Oh, I see.’
‘In fact, probably only a few minutes.’
‘A few minutes, wow, you know how to spoil a girl.’ She laughed, smiling as she leant in and bit my lip. ‘You’d better not smudge my make-up.’
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