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She lifted the lid off the plastic box of little cakes. ‘These are divine, Julia. You’re a superstar,’ she said, immediately taking a photo of the dainty frosting, showing them to Nicky and Alicia, who both oohed politely, then passed them over to the caterer who was putting together canapés with an air of tautly controlled calm.
Julia watched as the harassed caterer shoved the cakes to one side.
‘Now, drinks!’ Lexi clapped her hands together. ‘There’s a gin bar outside where they are making negronis and the most divine gimlets. They serve them with little red peppercorns – out of this world. Or on the table in the other room there’s champagne and rosé. And for the boys, beer in a barrel by the hot tub.’
Charlie was straight outside.
Nicky said, ‘Oh I’d kill for some bubbles,’ and drifted over to the champagne table in the lounge. Julia hovered in the kitchen by Alicia. Lexi had zoned out for a second, editing the pictures she’d just taken for Instagram. ‘God I shouldn’t be doing this now,’ she said, still deep in her phone.
Leaning against the counter, Alicia was wearing white cut-off denim shorts, two thin gold necklaces, and a white silk vest top, looking perfectly, expensively, dishevelled. The simplicity of it made Julia feel instantly like she’d tried too hard in her flouncy dress and new trainers.
Alicia looked Julia up and down. ‘Nice dress,’ she said.
‘Thanks,’ said Julia, self-consciously straightening out the skirt.
‘Is it new?’ Alicia asked.
Julia shook her head, ‘No I’ve had it for ages,’ she said, trying to match Alicia’s indifference, all blasé and like she hadn’t spent every lunchtime for two weeks shopping for something white-hot. There was a bag of clothes under her desk ready to be returned after the bank holiday.
‘Really?’ said Alicia, mouth tilting up, that same expression that Julia dreaded. ‘I’m sure I saw it in the window of Whistles the other day.’
Julia made a face like she was none the wiser, especially as this was the H&M rip-off of the Whistles version, but she doubted Alicia had ever set foot in an H&M, she was a Notting Hill boutique kind of shopper. ‘Maybe one like it,’ Julia said as casually as she could, cursing herself for lying.
‘Maybe,’ said Alicia with clear disbelief.
Julia could tell her cheeks had flushed.
Pushing languidly off the kitchen island Alicia said, ‘Come on, Lexi, it’s your party, you can’t be on your phone all night.’
‘I’m coming, I’m coming,’ said Lexi, hurriedly finishing her post then clicking her phone off. ‘Right, that’s enough of that. No more time-wasting, a hot tub is calling,’ she laughed. ‘Oh Julia you got the trainers!’ she said, noticing Julia’s feet for the first time.
Julia blushed again. ‘Yeah, I wanted to go for the other style, you know, so they weren’t exactly the same as yours but,’ she scrabbled for an excuse not to mention the bargain TK Maxx price, ‘they didn’t have my size.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Lexi grinned, looping her arm through Julia’s and leading her out into the garden. ‘They look fab!’
Alicia sauntered along behind, Julia sensing her hawk-like judgement. They picked up Nicky on her way through who was flirting with a waiter as he topped up her champagne flute.
Outside was magical. Like the Snow Queen’s palace. Strings of white outdoor bulbs crisscrossed the piercing blue sky from the corner of the house to the giant conifers at the far end of the garden. Between the firs, a whitewashed shack had been built to house the gin bar. The waiters outside were all sun-bleached surfer cool. They looked barely old enough to drink and were dressed in sleeveless white T-shirts, boardshorts and white bow-ties, working their magic with Sipsmith gin. Across from that, the hot tub bubbled under a giant white sailcloth stretched between scaffold poles for shade. A suckling pig was being roasted over a firepit by a burly hipster in a leather apron ready for a late lunch. The patio was a dance floor, there was a DJ in wraparound sunglasses, there were white helium balloons, flaming Tiki torches, and giant white floor cushions and shisha pipes next to a spray-painted sign that read, ‘chill-out zone’.
Julia recognised all the faces from the Cedar Lane WhatsApp group. Practically the whole street was there, except for a few undesirables who had never been invited to join the group. And then dotted around were some of Lexi’s friends who Julia didn’t know.
Charlie was standing by himself with his beer. In his white polo shirt he did look like a lost schoolboy.
Lexi, Julia, Nicky and Alicia walked towards him, in the direction of the hot tub, and as they passed, Lexi said, ‘Fancy a dip, Charlie?’
Charlie winced. ‘Nah, I’m OK thanks.’
‘Oh come on,’ Lexi cajoled, grabbing his hand and dragging him a few steps.
Hamish came to join them, yanking his shirt off over his head to reveal the washboard abs that had featured so heavily in Julia’s dreams. ‘Don’t know about you, but I am ready to get wet!’ he laughed.
Lexi giggled.
Julia had to look away. She could feel heat rising up her neck making it go a blotchy red. She was torn between the prestige of being a part of Lexi’s elusive inner-circle and the awkwardness of having to sit rigidly aware next to Hamish, in her swimsuit.
Alicia stepped out of her denim shorts. Nicky wriggled her white bodycon dress over her head.
Julia was next to Charlie. Both of them standing watching. ‘Shall we just get in, Charlie?’ she said, hovering on the cusp of indecision.
‘No,’ Charlie flatly refused. ‘I told you, I have no interest in hot tubs.’
Hamish looked over. ‘Come on, Charlie, old boy, everyone loves a hot tub.’
Charlie shook his head. ‘Not me.’
Alicia had peeled off her top and was climbing into the frothy water, yelping as the bubbles touched her skin. Nicky splashed her. ‘You bitch,’ Alicia laughed.
‘Hamish, honey, can you just unzip my dress,’ Lexi called, holding her hair up from her back to reveal the zip.
‘Come on, Charlie,’ Lexi ordered, tying her hair into a big bun on top of her head, ‘don’t be a spoilsport.’
Charlie made a face. ‘I don’t mind being a spoilsport.’
Julia found herself being drawn to the water, to the fun. ‘Come on,’ she said, inching closer.
‘Why?’ asked Charlie, expression bemused.
Something about Charlie’s refusal was egging Julia on. ‘To get you out of your comfort zone,’ she suggested.
Charlie made a face. ‘I like my comfort zone. It’s comfortable,’ he said. ‘Why would I want to be uncomfortable?’
Julia stared at him for a second, then back at the water where everyone was frolicking with giggling abandon. Getting into the hot tub felt suddenly like a statement against being trapped by convention, it felt like it stuck two fingers up to their spreadsheet and Meryl’s diagnosis of Julia’s bored brain. It felt like living in the moment.
Julia took a step towards the pool, unzipping her dress. And while she hated standing in just swimwear in front of all the lithe Body Pump-toned figures of Lexi, Nicky and Alicia, she was quite proud of her pale-yellow and white striped bikini that was a near identical copy of one she’d seen in Lululemon. Understated but flattering. She’d never even stepped into a Lululemon before she’d heard Lexi and Alicia talking about how it was the only viable place to buy gym leggings.
‘Oh my God, we have the same bikini,’ said Lexi as she let her white sequins pool to the floor to reveal a two-piece in almost the same pale-yellow deckchair stripes as Julia’s. Hers however was clearly the expensive version. ‘Twins!’ Lexi clapped, bounding over to stand next to Julia. It looked much better on pocket-sized Lexi and Julia immediately curled in on herself, loath to be compared.
Alicia leant over the hot tub, resting her chin on her crossed arms, and drawled, ‘Well look at that,’ in a tone that implied Julia had purposely tried to copy Lexi.
Thankfully Lexi didn’t hear because she was too busy vaulting into the frothy tub in a move that made everyone whistle and clap, while Julia climbed in via the steps, head down to avoid meeting Alicia’s watchful eye.
Hamish, who had no interest in swimming costume chat, stood in the centre of the tub and shouted, ‘Charlie, get involved or see that off,’ gesturing to the full pint in Charlie’s hand.
All eyes were on Charlie. He looked like the small ounce of enjoyment he’d summoned up for this party had just been successfully squeezed out of him.
Julia was willing him to agree to Hamish’s challenge, to just get over it and get in the pool.
Hamish started chanting, ‘Down it, down it.’
Alicia, Nicky and Lexi joined in, clapping with glee. Another couple, strangers to Julia and Charlie, who were already lounging in the tub sat up to join. A group of grinning dads who lived up the street chipped in as the chant spread, as Hamish raised his hands high like a conductor and the bow-tied waiters over by the big trees paused to grin and whistle.
Julia sank down into the warm water, wincing in sympathy as Charlie looked momentarily startled by the onslaught. She hated herself for wanting to see him pushed out of his comfort zone. For craving any reaction outside of apathy. Anything to disrupt the status quo.
When she saw him start to raise his glass to see off Hamish’s challenge, she sat up a little straighter. Then almost as quickly he stopped. Julia watched as an expression of pity crossed his face and with a narrow-eyed glance aimed at Julia specifically for being complicit, Charlie turned on the spot and walked away.
There was a collective, disapproving sigh.
‘Spoilsport,’ Lexi catcalled, semi-joking.
Hamish looked completely agog that someone could defy the rules of a challenge. ‘He can’t walk away. That’s cheating. Julia,’ Hamish said, nudging her on the bare arm, ‘sort your husband out.’
The touch of Hamish’s skin on her own made Julia almost flinch in fright. Immediately hyperaware of their contact, images from her dreams flashing before her eyes, his big hands roaming over her rain-soaked clothes, the crush of his mouth hot on hers. His smell. His taste. Julia had to press her fingers momentarily over her eyes to make the memories go away. And then, just to divert Hamish’s attention from her, she shouted, ‘Come on, Charlie, it’s a game. Come back.’ But she knew he wouldn’t come back. He kept going towards the house without so much as a backwards glance.
‘Shame on him,’ muttered Hamish, lolling back so his honey-tanned shoulders were mere inches from Julia’s.
She shrugged as if her husband were a lost cause, while gearing up to apologise to him later in private. Her skin alive at the proximity to Hamish. Her guilty heart thumping.
Chapter Three
In the end, no one stayed in the hot tub for long, there was too much to do and see. The suckling pig was charring over the firepit in the centre of the lawn, the flames licking high up to a sky so blue it was almost white. The DJ was trying to corral people onto the dance floor with some thumping tunes that shook the garden. The surf-dude waiters were showing off their mixology skills with a Tom-Cruise-in-Cocktail inspired routine while a crowd whooped and clapped.
It being her party, Lexi was too flighty to be pinned in one place. When some new guests arrived, she jumped out of the hot tub to greet them with a squeal and stood chatting in just her bikini, freshly poured flute of champagne in hand. The couple Julia hadn’t known got out as well after their polite small talk with her fizzled out quite quickly. Nicky was beckoned to the chill-out zone by her husband to delight in the fact that by chance he’d bumped into an old pal from boarding school.
On the other side of the hot tub, Alicia was on her phone. Julia found herself on the sidelines of a chat between Hamish and a couple of other guys from the street, the fellow dads who’d sidled over with their beers, about a possible men-only cycling trip in the summer. Hamish was stretched out, arms wide, his hand resting just behind Julia’s neck. She was uberaware that if she leant back they would be touching, so she was sitting slightly forward, a touch uncomfortable, as she tried to shuffle imperceptibly along so she was out of reach. Really she wanted to get out of the hot tub, but she hadn’t yet been able to locate a towel. Hamish was busy expounding on the merits of cycle routes around Croatia. As she listened, Julia found herself wishing that Charlie could be part of this inner-circle trip. Part of all the in-jokes and the antics. But she knew that Charlie thought groups of weekend cyclists like Hamish and co. were idiots who just cycled round the park and showed off expensive kit. He liked to cycle solo. So even if he was invited, and somehow they conjured up the money for him to go, he’d probably turn it down anyway.
‘And what are we supposed to do while you’re bombing round Zagreb?’ Alicia asked, glancing up from her phone, one perfect brow raised. Her husband was one of the other dads, a clean-cut city banker who looked like he could still be in the office even in casual clothes, leaning against the edge of the tub.
Hamish looked nonplussed. ‘Go to a spa? Like you always do.’
Alicia grinned. Her husband rolled his eyes.
Julia found herself wanting to be invited to the spa. They made life seem so effortlessly exciting. But she knew Alicia would never include her. If Lexi had still been in the hot tub she would have done. Since it was now just Julia, Hamish and Alicia in the pool, the lack of invitation made her feel even more awkward so she made the excuse of needing another drink and climbed out.
She hunted for a towel but realised there were none. And since there was no chance she was going to stand around in just her swimsuit, the only option was to pull her dress on over her soaking wet costume. Her fingers were shrivelled like prunes. The material went immediately damp and see-through. Hamish and Alicia were still talking about the holiday. Julia felt invisible. She suddenly envied Charlie his forsaking of the whole hot tub malarkey.
The afternoon was getting hotter. Clammy and close. The music had got louder. More and more people had arrived. To get anywhere was a squeeze. There was a queue for the cocktails. The sun poured through the wispy clouds giving everything a hazy edge. Julia looked around for Charlie but saw just a sea of faces, some of them she recognised from the street, she waved a few hellos but the groups were so tightly packed it was hard to get involved in the chats as she squeezed through the gaps.
Finally, in the far corner, sitting on a low children’s picnic table, she saw Charlie. He was animatedly chatting with Lexi’s weird old neighbour who had clearly only been invited to fend off any complaints about the noise.
‘Hey, Julia,’ Charlie said as she approached. ‘You know Harry?’
Julia nodded as the old man in the flat cap sitting by Charlie smiled his gappy grin at her. He looked like he’d dressed up for the occasion in his tweed trousers, old cream shirt and threadbare waistcoat.
‘She always lets me go ahead in the Costcutter,’ said Harry, taking his cap off and nodding his head at Julia.
‘Well it’s just you’re only ever buying a paper,’ Julia replied, itching to get Charlie away, to go and socialise with – she cringed with shame at herself for thinking it – better people on the street.
Charlie took a swig of his almost full pint. ‘Harry says Mountain Magics always get blight.’
Julia frowned. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Tomatoes,’ said Charlie, bemused that she hadn’t remembered.
‘Oh.’
‘Dixie Golden Giants,’ said Harry, waving a shaky wrinkled hand, ‘they’re the best tomatoes on the market. You can pop round whenever you want to see mine.’
Julia smiled politely, but had to back away when Charlie turned his attention once again to Harry and said, ‘And what was it, never beetroots and carrots together?’
Julia left them to it, feigning interest in a limbo competition that was just starting, not that Charlie noticed she’d gone.
The bow-tie wearing waiters were in charge of the limbo pole. Alicia had hopped out of the hot tub to have a go and was currently contorting herself with ease, dressed in just her bikini while sipping a martini, to the heckling cheers of the semi-naked waiters.
Julia’s phone beeped. It was a WhatsApp from Meryl. It was quite a relief to look away from the spectacle to read it.
Meryl: How’s the party?
Julia: There’s semi-naked limbo-ing and Charlie’s talking to an octogenarian about tomatoes!
Meryl: Time to run off with Hot Hamish then ;-)
Julia: I never wanted to RUN off with him!! I just wanted to have SEX with him!!
Meryl: Haha, my mistake!
Julia put her phone away, first laughing, then immediately feeling bad for making out that Charlie was a disappointment. Then she suddenly panicked that she’d sent the WhatsApp reply to the right person and got her phone out to double-check it had been to Meryl. Christ, that could have been embarrassing.
After that, Julia went in search of Lexi who she found in the kitchen dealing with a canapé crisis still wearing just her bikini.
‘Oh Julia, darling, I was just going to come and find you. Could you do me a massive favour?’ Lexi took hold of Julia’s arm and gave it a squeeze. ‘One of Vanya’s waitresses has just sliced her finger open and has had to be taken to the walk-in clinic to get a stitch. We’re down two of the waiting staff. Is there any chance you could just hand a tray or two around? I’d do it myself but I’ve had a complete blonde moment and lost my dress,’ she tittered. ‘God knows where it is. I’m going to pop upstairs to find something else to wear and then I’ll take over.’
‘That’s fine,’ said Julia, ashamed that she was secretly pleased that she was one of the friends Lexi would be comfortable enough to ask for help. ‘Absolutely, no problem.’
‘Oh you’re a lifesaver!’ Lexi sighed. ‘Here, this tray of smoked salmon blinis needs to go out before the fish starts to stink in the heat.’
Julia put her phone down on the counter and took the tray.
Lexi looked a touch less flustered. ‘Right. Now to find something to wear.’
Julia held the silver platter. ‘Are you sure your dress isn’t over by the hot tub?’
‘Well I thought it was,’ said Lexi, ‘but I just WhatsApped Alicia to have a look and she said it’s not there. I think someone might have picked it up for me, I don’t know.’ She shook her head, and grinned. ‘Only I’d be able to lose my dress at a party.’
Julia laughed. A couple of people trouped through the kitchen, one of them, a chiselled guy with a beanie hat, aviators and a white vest top on, plucked a salmon blini from the tray with a vague nod of thanks to Julia as he chewed it whole. ‘Kitchen’s looking good, Lexi,’ he said, mouth full, as he carried on out the front door where a break-away party had started round the olive tree.
‘Thanks hun!’ Lexi called.
Julia recognised the guy from an Instagram story of Lexi’s at Christmas. She’d taken a screenshot of it and studied it intently, amazed that someone could have such a good-looking, picture-perfect Christmas. He was Lexi’s cousin, she’d deduced. They’d all posed wearing matching Christmas jumpers and pulled it off with ironic cool.
As he was walking out, however, someone else was sauntering in with no regard for his status, brushing him to one side without a care. The guy stood back against the wall, confused by the dismissal. ‘Hey,’ he said, clearly annoyed.
Lexi looked up. As did Julia.
Walking into the party was Julia’s next-door neighbour, Amber Beddington. All cool with her pitch-black hair, maroon lacy bra showing through her snakeskin silk vest, skin-tight leather leggings and buckled boots, complete disregard for the heatwave. She always looked like she’d just rolled out of bed, smelling of cigarettes and heavy Chanel. Her kohl-rimmed eyes were all-knowing and her skin was lined like she’d seen what the world had to offer and sampled the majority of it.
Lexi visibly acquiesced in her presence. ‘Amber, hi. You made it. I didn’t think you were going to come.’
Amber strolled casually towards them, eyeing the decorations, expressionless.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ Lexi gushed. ‘We’ve got killer negronis.’
Amber huffed a laugh. ‘No, you’re OK.’ She paused when she got to them, reaching into her back pocket to get something out. ‘I just came to return this,’ and she handed Lexi the note that had been sellotaped to the battered VW van out the front. ‘I presume it’s yours?’
Lexi took a step back, ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was your van. If I had I wouldn’t have written anything.’
Amber shrugged. ‘It’s not my van. I’m borrowing it.’
The fact Lexi was apologising more for whose van it was than the fact she’d left a note in the first place wasn’t lost on Amber, her expression openly mocking.
As Lexi’s pettiness seemed to grow in the silence, the note crumpled in her hand, Lexi got more flustered, retying her hair, shaking out her bracelets, trying to compose herself as best she could standing in just her bikini. ‘Seriously, Amber, I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t have done anything. God, what a psycho!’ she berated herself. ‘Please, have a drink, let me make up for it.’
Amber shook her head, ‘No thanks.’ Then she gave the kitchen one last glance, did a little laugh that seemed to undercut all the effort that had gone into the party in one fell swoop, said, ‘Enjoy,’ then turned and disappeared outside.
‘Oh God.’ Lexi put her head in her hand. ‘How embarrassing. Amber of all people.’ She looked at Julia. ‘You know she’s a buyer for Emerald House? The private members’ club?’
Julia did know that.
‘I’ve been hoping she’ll get me in one day. Now it’ll never happen. Shit, why did I have to write that bloody note?’ Lexi tipped her head back at the ceiling. ‘Damn.’ There was a pause. Julia didn’t know what to say. Then taking a deep breath, holding it for five and exhaling, like something she’d learnt on a relaxation podcast, Lexi clapped her hands together and said, ‘OK, it’s OK. Right, where was I? What are we doing? Oh yes, you’re doing canapés. I’m finding something to wear.’ With that, she nipped off up the acid yellow staircase.
The caterer was ushering one of the young waitresses outside with her silver platter of miniature roast beef and Yorkshire puddings, then she turned to Julia and said, ‘You need to get going with that salmon!’
Julia turned to follow when she saw her phone ping on the kitchen island. She glanced at the screen, it was a message from Alicia: Found dress, hun.
Immediately Julia realised it wasn’t her phone. That Lexi had picked up hers instead and this was Lexi’s. She grabbed it and called out, ‘Lexi, I’ve got your phone. Alicia’s found your dress.’ But there was no answer. She put the tray of canapés down on the kitchen counter and went out into the hall. She was just about to call again when another message popped up, Yeah Julia will do it for you, she’d kiss your ass if you asked her to
Julia paused.
The sound of laughter and the smell of cigarette smoke flooded in through the front door where the mini olive tree party was in full swing. She could hear Lexi upstairs, opening and shutting wardrobe doors. But mostly Julia could hear the sound of her heart thumping in her chest.
She knew Lexi’s PIN code was a simple default 1243 – ‘Two kids and a blonde brain… I can’t remember anything more difficult than that!’ Julia had laughed that hers was exactly the same and with brown hair and no kids she had no excuse for the simplicity. A conversation about how they had always been able to remember the most convoluted phone numbers as kids had ensued and they’d blamed mobile phones for the demise of their memories while simultaneously scrolling through Instagram.