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He continued to caress her breast with one hand while his other drifted between her legs to touch her intimately. While she moved her hips, she reached behind her to touch him in any manner she could, knowing she was violating all her promises to herself.
“Jared, you have to …” she began, but he leaned closer, kissing her shoulder and ear, and her words ceased.
His hand between her thighs was torment. She spread her legs wider, giving him access to her as she moved her hips and as tension wound as tight as a spring.
“Wait!” she said, clutching his arms. “We can’t do this!”
“We’re doing it,” he whispered into her ear. “You’re setting me on fire, Meg,” he added in another harsh whisper.
She wanted him inside her now more than ever.
He kissed her, then picked her up and carried her to bed to love her slowly, tantalizing her until her climax was more dazzling than before.
Afterward, as they were locked in each other’s embrace, she was quiet until she started to ease away.
He held her tightly with one arm. “Where are you going?”
“To my room, Jared.”
“Stay here awhile,” he said. “I want to hold you close. I need you here, Meg,” he said.
She did as he asked and lay quietly while he turned on his side to look at her and brush her hair away from her face. “I want to look at you,” he whispered.
Unable to answer him, she ran her hand lightly across his chest. Regrets grew, threatening to overwhelm her. Finally she sat up and pulled a sheet up over her. “Jared, I’ve been too vulnerable.”
He lay on his back to study her. “Don’t regret what happened. It was fantastic, and no harm to either of us.”
She shook her head, looking away so she wouldn’t have to gaze into his dark brown eyes that seemed to see right into her thoughts. “Don’t say anything, Jared. It’s over. I haven’t been with a man in a long, long time. You’re incredibly seductive and I have a weakness where you’re concerned, which you know. Once we started, I wanted it as much as you did. I’m not blaming you for our lovemaking, but it’s done. Really ended. We’re going to have to work something out about Ethan, but we’re not going to become bed partners or marry for the convenience of it.”
“Why not? We’re good in bed, and you said it yourself—we enjoy each other. An understatement when it comes to the sex. It’s the best.”
She was struggling to get distance back between them, knowing too well how easily he could overcome her opposition. But she intended to declare her feelings and let him know what she wanted the most. And it wasn’t his lovemaking.
“I told you, I succumbed today, when I really didn’t intend for that to happen between us. It complicates life.”
“It simplifies it immeasurably, and it adds a spectacular dimension to living.”
She turned to look into his eyes. “Don’t you get it? You broke my heart—and I won’t go through that again. We made love today because I’ve never had another man in my life, only you!” She flung the words at him angrily and saw his eyes widen in surprise.
“There was never anyone who could measure up. Even when I planned to sleep with someone—I couldn’t go through with it. You know Mike and I never consummated our marriage, but there wasn’t anyone else, either. That’s why I was so damned vulnerable to your kisses today. It won’t happen again, so don’t plan on it. We’re here to work out something about Ethan. Nothing else, in spite of what’s happened today.”
Breathing erratically, she stood and yanked the sheet off the bed, wrapping it around her.
He got off the bed, but she shook her head and backed away. “Don’t touch me,” she said, and he stopped, frowning as he watched her.
“Megan, when I left, I hurt and I hated it.”
“Oh, you hurt, too?” she said, shaking her head. “Cry me a river. Let’s not dredge up even more anguish. I’ll shower and then I’m going for a swim.”
As she hurried out of the room, tears stung her eyes and she didn’t know whether she was crying out of frustration or anger.
Hopefully, now she no longer would, and she could deal with him on a more rational basis. She knew, in spite of her admonitions, he would continue to caress and flirt, because that was as natural to him as breathing. If only she could get this trip over with and something tolerable worked out!
As she went outside to retrieve her cover-up and her suit, she wondered where his staff was, but at the moment she barely cared. She’d never see them again after these few days.
She hurried to shower and in minutes jumped into the pool to swim laps, hoping to work off her emotional turmoil and restore her normal perspective.
Seven
“Let me help you out. We can swim in the ocean. It’s warm and buoyant, and if you see fish, they’re tropical and beautiful.” Lost in the rhythm of her laps, she’d missed Jared’s approach.
She gave him her hand and he pulled her up easily onto the side of the pool. He placed his hands on her waist. “Let me really look at this suit. It’s great, but it covers a lot.”
“Jared, we’re getting far away from working out our problems. They’re still present.”
“Lighten up, Megan,” he said easily. “It won’t hurt to drop them for tonight and get back on friendlier footing.”
“I can’s shut off my worries the way you can,” she replied swiftly, thinking about Ethan and the prospect of having him cut out of a big chunk of her life. “Kisses and moonlight swims don’t gain us anything.”
“Yes, they do,” he argued solemnly, stepping closer. “If we can get some kind of friendship and cooperation, it’ll help. We’re in this together, to some degree, for a long time to come. Tonight, let go of your worries. Ethan’s safe and happy. You won’t help him by staying aloof and worrying. C’mon. Try to be friends.”
“That’s a strange thing to say after making love to me,” she said, yet she realized he had a point, and her worrying tonight wasn’t going to solve her problems. “It’s just hard to let go when I’m filled with concern.”
He caressed her cheek. “I’m sure it is,” he said gently, making her want to plead her case again, but she knew that was pointless.
“You win for now. I’ll try, but I can’t let go of my anxiety.”
“I’ll try to help. Come on. A good swim will remove a little stress,” he said, leading her toward the beach.
“There’s someone’s yacht anchored not far out,” she noticed, looking at the sun splashing over a dazzling white boat.
“It’s mine, and right now no one’s on it. It’s wired with alarms, so it doesn’t have to have someone there constantly. That’s two things money can buy—security and privacy.”
“Race you to the floating dock,” he said, while he tossed their towels onto the warm sand.
She ran with him and knew he was keeping pace with her, because he could easily outrun her. He released her hand when they were in knee-deep water and she continued to splash on, surprised how far the shallow water extended. When it deepened, Jared jumped in to swim.
She followed, knowing he would easily reach the dock first. When he did, he gave her a hand and pulled her up beside him and she raked her wet hair back from her face.
“The water is perfect and so beautiful.”
“What’s beautiful is you,” he said, turning to place his hand behind her head.
“Jared—”
“Shh, Meg. One kiss isn’t catastrophic,” he said, his gaze lowering to her mouth. Her pulse drummed as he leaned down to cover her mouth with his.
“Not to you,” she whispered, before his lips covered hers. Then he kissed her and she wound her arm around his neck and kissed him in return. Finally she pushed away.
“Stop—and remember what I told you.”
With a hungry look that was filled with desire, he released her and sat beside her. She wrinkled her nose at him.
“Besides, I don’t want you to interfere with my swim.”
She expected one of his light remarks. Instead, he gave her a somber look, and she couldn’t imagine what he was thinking.
“Jared, today has been unique, a temporary truce and lull, and I love your home and I love swimming. But all this is simply postponing the inevitable.”
“I know, but I thought it would be best if we got on better footing with each other.”
“We’ve done that, all right,” she quipped.
“It’s better than arguing,” he said quietly. “Also, it gives each of us more of a chance to think things through.”
She knew she would remember this day the rest of her life. She’d remember Jared sitting beside her, drops of water glistening on his bronze shoulders and body, the warm sun shining and cool water lapping around them, the beach and house in sight—a dream that was real.
“After dinner, we’ll give it another go.”
She nodded, knowing this was an illusion of peace and compatibility. In spite of the past few hours, their relationship was stormier than ever.
“Well, I came planning to swim, so I’ll swim,” she said, turning to look at the yellow buoys bobbing several hundred yards farther out. “It’s safe to the buoys?” she asked.
“That’s right.”
She jumped in and swam, and in seconds he swam beside her, eventually swimming back to shore. She walked out and spread a towel to sit cross-legged in the sand, and he did the same.
“That was fantastic. The water is perfect. I may have to think about some kind of place like this for myself. It would be good for Ethan because he’s not much of a swimmer, but he likes the water.”
Jared stood and extended his hand. “If you’re ready to go in, we’ll dress and I’ll tell Lupita to put on dinner.”
“Where is Lupita? I haven’t seen anyone since we first arrived.”
“The staff knows how to stay out of sight. She’ll get dinner on and then go for the night. They have homes in this compound, but beyond the security walls. There’s nothing inside the walls except my house, its outbuildings and us.”
At the veranda, he paused. “I’ll go find Lupita and meet you here in half an hour and we can have a drink before dinner.”
She nodded and headed for her room.
Finally clad in a black knit shirt and black slacks, Jared looked dark, handsome and dangerous. He was a threat to her future and he wasn’t going to go away and let her live her life the way she had before.
Jared crossed the veranda to take her hands while his gaze drifted lazily over her. “You look beautiful. Far more tempting than dinner.”
She waved her hand dismissively. “Thank you, Jared.”
“What would you like to drink?”
“A piña colada, please, if that’s possible.”
“Quite possible,” Jared replied, moving around behind a bar to get bottles of light and dark rum that he poured into a blender, adding other ingredients and mixing them with crushed ice. He poured the drink into a hurricane glass and handed it to her, getting a cold beer for himself. Taking her chilled glass, she moved to a chair to sit and gaze at the ocean. The sun was a huge fiery ball, low on the horizon.
“Will you bring Ethan here?” she asked.
“I’ll take him everywhere,” Jared said. She felt the hurt again.
“I always thought about taking him places, but I thought I should wait until he’s older. I suppose I waited too long.”
“Nonsense. You can still go where you want with him,” Jared said. “You can come with us, if you want to,” he said.
She turned to him. “Jared, today was lust. It was sexual, meaningless, nothing more. It didn’t bind us together in any manner except physically. My feelings toward you haven’t changed. And your feelings are no kinder toward me than mine are toward you.”
He set his drink on a table. “That’s not so. I think there was more to this afternoon than you’ll admit or recognize because you’re still angry with me. We can both come here and bring Ethan with us and have a wonderful escape,” he said.
She shook her head. “No. That won’t work, Jared. Not really. Today was no indicator of the future.”
He looked annoyed, and then he seemed to visibly relax. “You’re cutting yourself out of some good moments,” Jared said.
“I’ll manage.”
“Dinner is served,” Lupita announced, her voice cutting through the tense moment.
“Thanks, Lupita,” Jared said, standing to take Megan’s arm to stroll to another section of the veranda where it curved around a wing of the house. Tall palms lined their patio, and potted palms and banana trees gave the appearance of being in a garden by the sea.
With candles burning despite the daylight, the glass-and-iron table set with colorful china and sparkling crystal was ready for a photo shoot. On the table was an appetizer of escargot, while steaming, covered dishes waited next to it. Jared held her chair, his hand drifting lightly to her nape and then he sat himself across from her, smiling at her.
“I don’t know how you ever leave this and go back to Texas.”
“It’s too quiet except for a few days at a time. I’m too active and like to work. I imagine you’d feel the same if you were here for weeks. The first visit, I stayed a month. I haven’t lasted that long since.”
She could well imagine that he always brought a woman with him. Just as he had with her. Trying to avoid the subject burning inside her, she chatted with him over dinner of jambalaya, fluffy golden asiago biscuits and melons, mango and kiwi with Gorgonzola cheese. Dessert was thin slices of cheesecake flown in from Miami. Pale slices were drizzled with chocolate and raspberry sauce. Dinner was delectable, their conversation innocuous, but his gaze clearly conveyed smoldering desire.
“Dinner is delicious. Are you trying to soften me up in all possible ways?”
“You’re soft and warm now, each luscious inch,” he said, smiling at her.
“I walked into that one. Thank you, Jared. Those compliments come so easily to you, you must not even think about what you’re saying.”
“Not so, Meg,” he said, caressing her hand. “Being together is good. I see great hope for the future.”
As the sun vanished and darkness enveloped them, lanterns and outdoor lighting automatically came on over the veranda and along the beach. The flickering light highlighted the planes of Jared’s face, his straight nose and prominent cheekbones.
“Let’s move where it’s comfortable,” he suggested, and she nodded.
While she chatted with Jared, Lupita and Adan cleared and said good night.
“It’s difficult to imagine that you require a bodyguard.”
“I think I should hire one for you, and I know Ethan is going to have to have one.” Jared leaned forward. “His life is going to change and you can’t stop it. There are things that go along with my wealth. Paparazzi, the possibility of kidnapping.”
She flinched and looked away, hating everything that was happening to her life and to Ethan’s. “If only I had sold the ranch to you. You would never have known about Ethan,” she said bitterly.
“It’s too late for that now.”
“Jared, try to understand. I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again—you have an extravagant lifestyle that doesn’t make you good daddy material.”
“I won’t be that way with Ethan. Give me some credit here,” he replied with a stubborn just of his chin.
“You do wild things like mountain climbing. I know you used to do bronc riding in rodeos,” she said, eliciting a brief smile from him.
“I haven’t ridden in years. I gave that up when I graduated from college. And I won’t take him mountain climbing.”
“I don’t want him jet-setting all over the world with you.”
“I’ll be reasonable about travel, too, but there are places I’ll want to take him, like where I’m taking you now.”
“Some places I can get used to,” she said, locking her fingers together. “Jared, I’ve been so close with Ethan. I guess I hover, and I may be overprotective, but I love him with all my heart. Except for my pottery, he’s my whole world. And he comes first. It just hurts to think I have to share him. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel I’m losing him.”
Jared nodded. “I understand, Megan. That’s why I’ve suggested things like the marriage of convenience. And remember, you willingly shared him with your aunt and uncle.”
“That’s part of the problem. I share him with them, and now I’ll have to divide my time with you. I’ll lose being with him a lot.”
“Yes, you will, but let’s try to find the most workable way—and I’m not averse to having you around when I’m with him.”
“It’s just incredibly difficult to give up my child,” she said.
“You won’t have to give him up if you’ll work with me. There are some things that come with the territory, though, and I know you want to keep him safe. How you’ve managed to hide his paternity from the world all these years, I’ll never know. Whose name is on the birth certificate? It can’t be that ex-husband of yours, because he never adopted Ethan.”
“It is Mike’s name. My dad paid to get that taken care of by some doctor in Chicago. It may be illegal, but I have a birth certificate claiming Mike as Ethan’s father.”
“Well, we’ll get that straightened out, but the minute word gets out about his tie to me—and you become part of my life again, even if we’re not on the best of terms—you both will be vulnerable. You might as well have a chauffeur—”
She laughed in this first truly humorous moment since Jared came back into her life. “A chauffeur! In Santa Fe!”
He grinned. “I finally got a laugh out of you, and that’s great, Meg. It’s good to hear you laugh again.”
“I’ll become the town oddity.”
“No, you won’t. There are more people chauffeured around Santa Fe than you think. Famous and wealthy people live there. You don’t pay attention to things like that.”
“He’ll want to tell his best friend.”
“Tell away. His friends will meet the guy. Give a thought to schools, too. I can afford whatever you want.”
“I’m not sending my six-year-old away to school. He’s in private school now, and I do schoolwork with him.”
“I can afford tutors, too, if you want them. Same with lessons. I’ll pay for all that. As for the bodyguard, you’ll be on the ranch part of the year, so you’re incredibly vulnerable there because of the isolation. I’ll get someone who’ll be discreet. You should also have a guard on the premises.”
“You’re being generous,” she said. Every suggestion tore at her. Even if it was best for Ethan, it would change his life.
“Now, what can we work out about his visitation?” Jared asked.
She glanced at him. “What about if you get him Saturdays and Sundays and we alternate holidays,” she finally suggested, hating the thought of losing Ethan on weekends. “Though I don’t know how he can play on the soccer team or basketball or baseball or anything else if he goes out of state with you,” she added.
“Of course I don’t want to destroy Ethan getting to play soccer or any other sport. But he’s surely not into all those yet.”
“No, but he will be soon. He played soccer and T-ball this year.”
“You can give me schedules and we’ll work it out so he can play. But Saturdays and Sundays and alternate holidays won’t be enough time. That’s not sharing him equally.”
His words were quiet but held that same note of steel. She looked away again, thinking about how she could divide Ethan’s time to Jared’s satisfaction. “I don’t know. You move your headquarters to Santa Fe,” she suggested. “Then we can work this out much more easily.”
“I can’t do that,” he answered patiently. “It isn’t the air hub that Dallas is, or the oil center. Dallas is far more accessible. If either of us is going to move, it would be less of a hassle for you to move. Fort Worth is filled with museums and Dallas and Fort Worth both have art galleries. You could work in either place and be close at hand.”
She laced her fingers together and thought about her peaceful life in Santa Fe that had been simple in so many ways, and about how Jared was going to demolish all of it.
“Move to Dallas, live in a big city with all the traffic and hassle.”
“There are quiet housing sections, both inner-city and suburban, old and new, with their own shopping areas and galleries. I can look into the best locations, Megan. I can buy the house you want or build it for you,” he offered.
She closed her eyes and shook her head, tempted to cry out that she didn’t want his money or support or interference.
“I don’t know, Jared,” she replied finally. “Leaving Santa Fe and all I’ve established and have there seems monumental. What about Ethan’s friends?”
“Megan, he’s six years old,” Jared reminded her gently. “He’ll adjust to anything you do.”
Agitated, she stood and walked away from him, gazing at the flaming torches on the beach that shed bright circles of light on the white sand. She could see the tiny whitecaps washing on the shore’s edge, the vast dark ocean beyond. Could she bear to move? If she didn’t, she would have to pack Ethan up and send him off a great distance, whenever Jared saw his son.
If only she had sold Jared the ranch—what a bad decision she’d made!
Jared turned her to him. “If you move to Texas, it’ll be much easier for us to share him. You know that. And there’s no way I can move my headquarters and all my people to Santa Fe. Be realistic.”
“Realistic! Give him up and tear my heart out is what you mean!”
“No, it’s not,” Jared replied firmly in a quiet, patient voice. “I keep telling you to share him with me. Megan, I want what’s good for him, too. You act as if you’re sending him to some terrible fate.”
“I know,” she admitted. “I know you want what’s good and you want to get to know him, but moving to Dallas is an idea I have to adjust to.”
“That’s the most workable solution. He could still participate in all the activities and you and I’d both be there to see him.”
“What happens to him if you marry someone?” Megan asked. “She’ll want to have her own children with you. She’ll never love him like a mother.”
“I’m not marrying anyone. That’s not remotely on the horizon. Unless it’s you.”
“No. I’m not marrying without love. You’d be getting Ethan and convenient sex and I’d get my emotions too tangled up in a relationship.”
“Look, just take life as it is now. Let’s not take on additional problems.
“Stop fighting me, Megan. I can see it in your expression.” His hands squeezed her shoulders lightly, kneading and massaging. “You’re as tense as a spring that’s wound tightly.”
“There’s no way this is something I can take lightly,” she insisted. “Would a month in the summer work and maybe a week in the winter?”
“Not at all. Equal division. That’s what I want,” he replied and she took a deep breath, her mind running over possibilities and rejecting them as quickly as she thought of them.
“Let me consider it, Jared,” she said, twisting away from him and walking farther out onto the veranda. She stared out at the ocean and the silvery moon reflected in it while she pondered.
Jared’s hands closed on her arms. “Megan, you’re making this so damned difficult,” he whispered, leaning near to trace kisses across her neck.
She turned to protest and looked up into his eyes. “No,” she whispered.
“You don’t mean it,” he answered and leaned forward to silence any further protests with a kiss.
They died the minute his mouth covered hers. In spite of her intentions, all she could think was she wanted to make love once more with him.
She wound her arms around his neck and stood on tiptoe and kissed him fervently. With a groan, his arm tightened around her waist and he shifted to stroke her back, twisting free the few buttons.
“Meg, darlin’, you’ll never know how I want you,” he whispered, pausing to frame her face with his hands and look at her. “With all my being,” he whispered and kissed her again.
Faint tugs at her back made her realize he was unfastening her top. He peeled it away and leaned back to pull it free and drop it. He unclasped her bra, taking it off, and then he cupped her breast and rubbed his thumb lightly over her nipple.