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“Sure,” she answered, thinking both of them had roots that went far back in tune. Their backgrounds were the same, but there the similarities ended.
He returned to the kitchen to get a platter of steaks, and they stepped outside to a deck where he motioned toward lawn chairs. “Sit down while I cook these. Rosalie already prepared potatoes and carrots, so dinner’ll be ready soon.”
As soon as the steaks were on, he pulled a chair close and sat down facing her.
“You really have a beautiful place,” she remarked.
“The ranch has done well. I hear you just acquired two new quarter horses from Ed Williams’s stables.”
“I’m trying to improve our stock.”
“That should do it.” He studied her, and every time he gave her one of his long intense looks, she felt ensnared and at a disadvantage, as if he were trying to see into her soul and succeeding. “You don’t object to my Indian blood, do you?”
“Of course not,” she replied, startled.
He shrugged broad shoulders. “I didn’t think you would, but some might. I run into occasional prejudice.”
“It isn’t you who’s causing my objections to your proposal—it’s me. I don’t know anything about babies.”
“It doesn’t take long to learn,” he replied in an offhanded tone as if the whole matter were settled in his mind. She wondered how many things in his life didn’t go the way he wanted. He had lost his wife and father, but other than that, she suspected he usually did what he wanted and got what he wanted.
He went to the grill, and she watched him turn the steaks, her gaze running down his back to his narrow waist, over his trim backside. Her husband? Impossible! Her pulse skittered at the thought.
In minutes they sat down in the kitchen to thick steaks, baked potatoes, crisp steamed carrots with slices of homemade bread.
“You’re a good cook.”
“Thanks, but Rosalie gets most of the credit. I don’t do bread. Are you riding in the July rodeo?”
She shook her head. “I don’t participate as much as I used to. How about you?”
“I’ll be in calf roping.”
They discussed ranch life, and she felt as if her nerves were stretching to a breaking point She wanted to get to the subject, decline his offer and go home to her peaceful life. Even if it was lonely. Yet the man across the table from her was handsome and charming. A tiny bubbling excitement tugged at her, and she tried to ignore it.
When they finished eating, he refused to let her help him clean up. “It should be cooler out now. Let’s walk, and I’ll show you the barn.”
She nodded, although she was tempted to give a firm no to his proposal and go home. She suspected he wanted to show off his ranch, but she didn’t dare give a thought to becoming part of it.
The sun was slanting toward the western horizon when they went outside, and a slight breeze had sprung up. His house was a fenced oasis with a green lawn and beds of blooming flowers. Sprinklers slowly revolved, sending sparkling silver streams over the grass. Two tall live oaks spread branches above the lawn, creating cool shade in the late hours. A picket fence surrounded the backyard, and they followed a winding walk toward the gate.
“Why can’t your mother come stay for a time until you hire a nanny?”
“Mom is busy. My stepfather is Thornton Bridges. He’s a state representative, and he has his sights set on running for the Senate next election. They have a busy social life, and Mom is into a lot of charities. She’d be glad to take Elizabeth to Chicago, but I don’t want to give up my daughter.”
Breezes tugged at Mattie’s hair as she lifted her face and gazed across his rolling land. In the distance she could see a herd of white-faced Herefords grazing. They left a flagstone path, went through a gate and followed the wide, graveled driveway toward the large barn. A collie came bounding up, frisking around Josh.
“Down, Grady,” he said gently, and the dog fell into step behind them.
She glanced at Josh surreptitiously, unable to imagine why he had selected her in spite of what he had told her. He had so many choices. Suddenly the butterflies in her stomach were back, fluttering wildly. Dinner was over, and she had to tell him no, for once and for all time.
They walked through the spacious barn, where Josh showed her the tack room, and then they strolled to a fenced pasture where mares were grazing. They stood beside the fence to look at the horses that were as fine as any she owned. Josh leaned against the fence and turned to face her. He caught her braid in his hand and toyed with it, the tugs against her scalp too faint to be the cause of the tingles she experienced. She wanted to back up because he was standing so close.
“I gave thought to what I wanted before I asked you, Mattie,” he said quietly. His brown eyes were compelling as he searched her gaze.
She looked up at him and realized again that he was one of the few men she had known in her life who made her feel petite. “It’s just impossible. I don’t know anything about babies. I really don’t know anything about men, either.”
“You work with men daily. You have all your life.”
“I’ve never dated, and that’s different,” she said, feeling her nervousness increase. Her skin felt prickly, and she was too conscious of him.
“It doesn’t matter one iota to me that you’ve never dated. And I doubt if never is the correct description. You’ve dated some,” he said. “You dated in college.”
“Very little, and it meant nothing. I feel like I’m an anachronism, a real throwback to another age and time when there were women like me. I’ve never seriously dated anyone.”
Josh wondered about the stories he had heard. She was skittish as a colt around him, but he suspected it was because of his proposal, not the fact that she was out with a man. Her gaze remained on the mares. Only the pink that suffused her cheeks gave a hint to her feelings.
“I thought you dated someone seriously in college. That’s what I heard.”
The corner of her mouth lifted slightly in a wry smile. “Then you heard wrong. Gran might have started a rumor because she has always wanted me to find a man—but no, I didn’t. I’m taller than most men I know. Growing up I was a tomboy. Sometimes I think I scare some men.”
“You don’t scare me,” Josh said quietly, wondering about her, realizing maybe she had been hurt by the boys she had grown up with. And he wondered how much her father had kept men away.
Josh’s gaze roamed over her profile, her wide brow, the thick blond hair, her big eyes and full rosy lips. His gaze dropped to her slender throat and full breasts that thrust tautly against her blue shirt. The woman was more than attractive. Surprised at himself, he studied her more closely. She was a good-looking woman, but he had never really noticed her before. And he was amazed how he noticed her now. It was the first time he had really looked at a woman since Lisa’s death.
“You work with men. You ride in rodeos. If you haven’t dated, it’s been your choice some of the time.” Another blush deepened the color of her cheeks, and he saw that he was right.
“Maybe so.”
He caught her thick braid and tugged on it slightly to get her to look at him. As she turned her head, he looked into guileless green eyes that held tiny gold flecks in the center. “You don’t have to know men or have dated. Our marriage wouldn’t be much different from your life now except we’ll be under one roof and you’ll be in charge of Elizabeth’s nanny. I don’t care about a physical relationship. I wouldn’t ever force myself on you. I’ll give you all the room you want.”
Another blush, this time fiery, turned her throat and cheeks red. “I can’t imagine the arrangement you’re suggesting, and I think within six months from now, you would regret it terribly.”
“You’re wrong. I’ve given this a lot of thought.”
“Besides a sham marriage being something you shouldn’t rush into, there’s another reason for me to say no. I’ll tell you something I’ve never told anyone else. I wouldn’t ever tell Gran, as a matter of fact.”
Mattie paused, and he wondered what deep secret she was about to reveal to him. He was still thinking about her as an appealing woman. Why hadn’t anyone dated her? He decided it definitely had to have been her choice most of the time.
“What haven’t you told anyone?” he prompted, wondering what secret she harbored.
Her green eyes went beyond him as if she were gazing into the horizon. “Someday I hope to sell the ranch and get far away from here.”
Stunned by her admission, feeling a sudden painful stab of guilt for trying to involve her in a plan that was to his advantage, he dropped her braid. As he looked down at her, he felt all his plans crumbling to pieces.
Three
“You don’t want this?” he asked, waving his hand and feeling astounded. “I figured you would live and breathe and sleep ranching. That’s all you’ve ever done. What else do you want?”
“My father always relied on me, and he brought me up to carry on when he was gone. But I want something else.”
“Lord, generations of your family lived on that ranch! You’d just let it all go?”
She raised her chin, her eyes flashing fire, and he guessed that when Mattie made up her mind, she could be mule stubborn. “My sisters left without a qualm. If my family is all gone except me, why do I have to preserve a heritage that I no longer want?”
“It’s hard to imagine you don’t want it,” he said, thinking about some of his arguments with Lisa over his staying on a ranch.
“I would never have done anything to hurt Dad, but ranch life isn’t all I want. He never asked me. He just assumed. He let my sisters go. By the time they were high school age, they were in boarding schools, and they’ve never returned. Nor will they ever.”
“Your father’s gone now, so what’s keeping you here?”
“I have Gran. I won’t hurt her by selling out while she’s alive. I’ll stay until Gran is gone.” Mattie shifted and raised her chin higher, and he saw the determined glint in her eyes. “You have to swear you won’t tell anyone, Josh. I’ve never told a soul. It would kill Gran, and I won’t have her hurt.”
“I won’t tell,” he answered perfunctorily, still perplexed and mulling over her revelation. “What do you want to do?”
She looked down and ran a slender finger along the rail. Her nails were neatly trimmed, and her hands looked delicate, even though he knew she probably had as many calluses on her palms as he did.
“It may sound foolish, but for years I’ve dreamed of going to law school. I’ve read some law books.” When she looked up, he saw the defiance in her bright gaze, as if she expected him to laugh at her.
Instead, he felt defeated, because she had seemed the perfect answer to his dilemma. And he felt the old guilt tug at him as he remembered how much Lisa had hated ranch life and begged him to move to the city.
“Well, there goes that idea.”
“I appreciate your offer,” she said, dropping her hand from the fence. “I’m flattered.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “You were the perfect solution. I thought we’d fit together like salt and pepper.”
“I can’t imagine moving here,” she said. “But I’m flattered.”
He gave her a faint smile and tugged on her braid. “You underestimate yourself.”
Pleased, she smiled up at hun. “Can you take me home now?”
He nodded and started walking back toward the pickup with her. “Are there any other relatives to take over the ranch?”
“No. Dad’s only brother settled in Arizona on a ranch that belongs to his wife’s family. Uncle Dan won’t leave Arizona.”
“Maybe you should have discussed this with your dad.”
“It never occurred to him that I could possibly want anything else, and it hasn’t occurred to Gran. And neither one would have accepted it. My sisters had a long history of rebellion from the time they were old enough to know there was some other place in the world to live.”
Josh could understand why it had never occurred to her father or grandmother that she would want to leave. Ranches all over the state had been passed down through generations of the same families. It was tradition, accepted from the time of childhood. He had never given a thought to doing anything else, and it hadn’t occurred to him that Mattie could possibly want to leave. There was no boy in the Ryan family to pass the ranch to, and Mattie was the oldest girl. And the only one who had taken to ranching.
Disappointment washed through Josh again along with another prickle of conscience for keeping Lisa on the ranch when she didn’t want to stay. Keeping her until it killed her.
He glanced at the woman at his side, cunous about her and her dreams. “Why law school?”
“I think it started when I was ten and Mom was killed by a drunk driver who had a long record of arrests. He got away without even a fine, and I was so incensed that I dreamed of growing up and becoming a lawyer and prosecuting people like that.” She smiled up at him. “That was idealistic, and I was filled with childish dreams, but the idea of becoming a lawyer appeals to me. I don’t want this rural existence all my life. I feel like there’s more out there, and I want to have a chance to see for myself.”
“What did you major in?”
“Animal science. I had a minor in English—it was what I liked the most. But I loved my Dad and would never have hurt him. He wanted me to study animal science.”
“I dropped out my junior year to come home and run this place when my dad died,” Josh said.
“It appears you’ve done a good job.”
“I try. Your father could have lived to a ripe old age. If he had, what would you have done?”
“I probably would have stayed forever. Maybe at some point I would have told him what I wanted, but I doubt it. It’s lonely without him, and the battles are constant—weather, sick animals—you know all the problems involved. Ranching isn’t the same without him, and I don’t want to fight for the ranch all my life.”
They walked in silence until they reached the pickup, and then she turned to face him. “Josh, keep looking and find a nanny. You’ll be glad later. You shouldn’t go into some loveless, arranged marriage.”
“I want to keep Elizabeth,” he said, feeling his heart constrict because he couldn’t work and care for a baby at the same time.
“Let me run an ad and interview nannies. Maybe if they have to reply to me, I can help find the right one for you.”
“That’s a thought. I might do that. I’ll write out my ad and bring it by.”
She smiled, her full lips parting, a sparkle coming to her green eyes that was inviting. Why hadn’t she dated? he wondered again. Just wrong men and wrong times? He contemplated what her life would be like if she left the ranch. “I think if you go to law school and become a lawyer, you’ll find what you’re looking for...and someone you do want to date.”
She shrugged. “I’m twenty-eight and getting set in my ways.”
“Come on, old lady. I’ll take you home.”
Relaxed, glancing at his house briefly, she climbed into the pickup and rode in comfortable silence while Josh drove her home. As he walked to the door with her, he paused and placed his hands on her shoulders. Instant awareness of his touch, of his nearness, flashed through her, and for one moment she saw clearly what she had tossed away tonight.
“If you change your mind about lawyering, let me know.”
“Bnng your ad over, and I’ll run it and do some interviews.”
“Sure, Mattie.” He brushed her cheek with a kiss. His lips were warm; there was a faint smell of beer on his breath. For a moment she wanted to lean closer, wanted to discover what it was like to kiss him. She suspected it would be best that she never know.
“Thanks for dinner, Josh. I’ll never forget your proposal.”
“I’m damn disappointed, Mattie. I’ll be back tomorrow or the next day with my ad.” He grinned and shrugged.
His lopsided grin exuded charm. Creases appeared in his cheeks; his even white teeth were a contrast to his dark skin. She could remember times in the past when she had watched him in public places and seen him laughing, looking enormously appealing. If he ever turned on the charm, she thought, it would be impossible to resist him.
She watched him stride through the darkness to his pickup and climb inside, roaring away down the road. As he drove away, loss swamped her. She looked at the land that she felt part of; the same land that sometimes made her feel suffocated. The ranch was a tough taskmaster; decisions were difficult, and the burden of running the place was squarely on her shoulders.
Darkness enveloped the ranch, and quiet settled, reminding her of how alone she was. Had she made the mistake of her life tonight? If she sold the ranch and left, would she later regret what she had done and look back on Josh’s offer with longing? A loveless marriage couldn’t be a good bargain. She thought again of Josh’s fleeting kiss on her cheek. He was handsome, exciting, but she suspected that in the kind of arrangement he wanted he would barely be aware of her.
With a shrug she went inside, thankful Gran had already gone to her own small house that was several hundred yards down the road. Right now Mattie didn’t feel like answering a lot of questions about why she was home so early and why she wouldn’t be going out with Josh again.
Two days later, as she stepped out of a stall in the barn, a dark silhouette filled the sunny doorway.
“Mattie?”
Her pulse jumped when she recognized Josh’s bass voice. “What are you doing here?” She felt a guilty blush heat her cheeks, because his proposal had occupied most of her waking hours. Even though she had said no, she couldn’t forget or get Josh out of her mind. As she watched him approach, she remembered her offer. “Did you get your ad written?”
“Irma said you were in the barn with a sick mare.”
Mattie turned to rub the sorrel’s neck. “She’s better. Doc was here yesterday, and she’s come around nicely.”
Josh moved closer to look at the mare. In jeans and a white T-shirt, Josh made her aware of her own appearance, and she pushed wayward tendrils of hair from her face.
“Do you have the ad?” she repeated.
Josh turned to her, and her pulse jumped another notch as she faced him. He pushed his broad-bnmmed black hat to the back of his head and thrust out his hand beside her to lean slightly against the stall while he moved closer to her. His T-shirt clung to his muscled chest and powerful biceps. Her heart began hammering as she gazed up at him. He shook his head, and she could see a look of determination in his gaze that made her mouth go dry.
“Mattie, you said you’ll never sell this place as long as your grandmother is alive. Did you really mean that?”
“Yes. I won’t do that to any of my family. After Irma is gone, then I’ll sell,” she replied, and hoped her voice didn’t sound breathless. Josh was standing too close, watching her too intently. And she could tell by his stance that he was going to try to talk her into something.
“I remember your grandfather. He died some years ago.”
“We lost him two years ago and Dad this year,” she said stonily, momentarily feeling the sense of loss that came less often now.
“How old was your grandfather?”
“He was older than my grandmother. He was eightyfour when he died.” She wanted to move away, but Josh was hemming her in. She could detect the enticing woodsy, barberry scent of his aftershave, see the faint dark stubble on his jaw. She was barely aware of their conversation, and her nerves felt as if they were jumping with little charges of electricity from his proximity.
“I remember them talking about your great-grandfather, who lived to be one hundred. How old is Irma?”
“She’ll be eighty-one her next birthday.”
“And how’s her health?”
“She has a heart condition, but it hasn’t given her trouble for several years,” Mattie said. “Josh—” She paused, at a loss, disturbed by him. She tried to back up and bumped the stall. He moved closer, and she could feel the warmth of his body.
“Mattie,” Josh said, his voice lowering. “I’ve been considering all you told me. If you’re staying on the ranch as long as Irma lives, you could be here several more years,” Josh said, watching her. Her eyes were wide, and the pulse near her throat was throbbing. He wondered if he disturbed her, and he found the notion refreshing. Feeling certain to his soul that she would be perfect for Elizabeth, he was willing to take some risks to get what he wanted.
Mattie’s heart seemed to stop and then pound violently, because she could guess what he was getting at. “Yes, I could.”
“Marry me. We’ll draw up a prenuptial agreement that lets you out of the marriage when Irma dies.”
“No! I can’t!” Panic rose in her. She didn’t know how to deal with this forceful man. She had hired and fired ranch hands, dealt with men angry with her or her father, but that had never been like this. What was it about Josh Brand that seemed to make her knees weak and her mind stop functioning?
“Listen to me,” Josh ordered quietly, and she closed her mouth and then caught her lower lip with her even white teeth. “You marry me and stay for one year. Elizabeth will be a year and a half old, and by then we’ll have a good nanny all settled in. You stay one year, and I’ll pay for law school for you. I’ll pay all your costs. I’ll pay off the mortgage your dad took on the ranch.”
Stunned, she stared at him while the amount of the mortgage danced in her mind.
Josh smoothed the collar of her white cotton shirt, and Mattie drew a quick breath. How could she marry this man and live under the same roof with him? He disturbed her just standing here talking.
“If you stay five years—which would see Elizabeth into school age—I’ll give you a quarter of my ranch when we part, or buy you the comparable amount or give you the money. Plus all the other.”
Shocked, she blinked and bit her lip and gazed up at him in speechless amazement. “You can’t! That’s too much—”
“Not where my daughter is concerned,” he answered quietly, but she heard the note of steel. One look into his dark eyes and she knew he meant every word he said.
“We’re back to where we were. I can’t take care of her,” she said, butterflies fluttering wildly in her stomach. The man was hell-bent on getting his way.
“I know better. You run this whole damn ranch, nurse sick horses, help mares when they foal, bring calves into the world. You can hire a nanny.”
“You know there’s more to it than overseeing a nanny,” she said, mildly annoyed and feeling a bubbling panic at his implacable tone and lavish offers. “I lost my mother when I was ten. I know what it’s like to be without a mother. Your little girl needs a mother.”
He flinched, and Mattie felt as if she had been too harsh.
“A nanny may be the best I can do,” he replied stonily.
“But I’ll give her all the love I can. And if you’re there—even for just a year—you can get us off to a good start.”
“Josh, I can’t—”
“Listen,” he commanded in a tone that made her forget her arguments. His voice was quiet, yet there was an air of authority and determination about him that ended her talk.
“We’ll draw up a prenuptial agreement. If we decide to part before Irma dies, you get your ranch back intact—and all the things I just promised you.”
She closed her eyes to shut out his disturbing image. “I can’t do it.”
“Yes, you can. You’re perfect. We can work together. You can run your ranch and I’ll run mine. The difference is, you’ll live at my house and be in charge of the nanny and Elizabeth. That’s all.”
Josh held his breath. This was the perfect woman. She would be as capable as anyone could possibly be. She was softhearted, he knew, or she never would have been as loyal to her family as she had, staying on the ranch when she dreamed of leaving. And the little he had been around her, he liked her. She hadn’t talked incessantly. She could ride as well as any man he knew. She could run the ranch better than many he knew. And she was honest and forthright—refreshing qualities after the coy flirtations of the last three nannies. She was a fine-looking woman, too. Although he wouldn’t have let it matter if she had been as plain as a mud hen. He wanted Mattie Ryan. He needed her. And he had to make her need him. He knew she was in tight times and shouldering the responsibility solely by herself. And he knew how lonely and frightening that could be.