Wolf Creek Widow
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Thinking of her future, she moved toward the fireplace and rubbed her hands up and down her upper arms. Taking up her mending would be a step toward standing on her own two feet again, and it would give her something to do, keep her from feeling so helpless. Give her an inkling of hope that she could make a good life for herself and her babies.
“I’ll make a fire and start some coffee, if you’d like.”
Meg whirled at the sound of his voice. She’d been so caught up in her thoughts that she’d forgotten that the stranger was still there.
Within arm’s reach.
Her heart stumbled and she pressed her palm against the sudden tightening in her chest. How had he moved so silently? So quickly?
As if he knew she was uneasy with his nearness, he went to the fireplace and squatted in front of the hearth, removing himself to a more comfortable distance.
Her nerves quieted. How silly of her to feel frightened by him, she thought. Just because he looked dangerous didn’t mean he was. After all, he’d helped her before, and two of the most respected people in Wolf Creek had vouched for him.
Meg had no solution for feelings she knew were irrational, but at the moment it hurt her brain too much to try to figure things out. She decided to fetch a shawl to ward off the chill that gripped her despite the warm morning. As she neared the door to her room she found herself drawn to the other bedroom, the one she’d avoided the previous night.
The door swung wide on creaking hinges and she stepped inside. The room was musty-smelling after being empty so long. She reached for the tin of talcum powder that sat atop the chest of drawers next to a stack of diapers. Doctor Rachel had given it to her when Lucy was born.
Twisting the top, she sprinkled a little onto the inside of her forearm and smoothed it in. She’d used the precious gift sparingly, but still, it was almost gone. She raised her arm and breathed in the pleasant lavender aroma. The scent triggered a vision of her now-nine-and-a-half-month-old daughter, Lucy. Lucy of the sweet smile, chubby cheeks and dimpled knees.
She was filled with the sharp pain of loss, and at the same time her body ached in memory of nursing her baby. But that was finished. Her milk had dried up weeks ago. Meg closed the top of the canister and blinked her burning eyes. What was done was done. There was no changing it. All she could do was move forward. Somehow.
Holding the oval-shaped tin against her chest, she let her gaze roam the room. Some of the church ladies had come out and tidied up for her return. Teddy’s cot, with his ragged, patchwork rabbit sitting atop the pillow, was neatly made, as was Lucy’s little bed. Meg’s heart twisted in sudden longing.
“You must miss them terribly.”
She whirled at the sound of the unfamiliar feminine voice. Though middle-aged, the Indian woman who stood there was lovely. Her slender body was attired in a patterned skirt and blouse. A leather thong with a black stone hung around her neck. Her oval face boasted nicely shaped eyebrows, a bold nose and a pretty mouth. Ace Allen’s mother stood before her, a soft, understanding look in her dark eyes.
Meg tried to rein in her emotions and gave a short nod. “I’m afraid—” she swallowed “—they’ll forget me.”
“Then we should bring them home.”
The first hope she’d felt since the day that had changed her life stirred in her heart. “But I... There’s no way I can take care of them yet.”
“I’m here to help for as long as you need me.”
Rachel Gentry was right. There were good people in Wolf Creek. “I can’t pay you,” Meg whispered.
“I’m not looking for money,” Nita said. “Christians help each other out. And please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. I understand how you’re feeling right now.”
Nita and her son were Christians? Meg hoped her surprise didn’t show on her face. That thought fled in the face of another. How could Nita know how Meg felt about Elton? Had she said something while under the influence of the laudanum?
“I lost my Yancy when Ace was eighteen.” A wistful smile curved the older woman’s lips. “A logging accident. It was hard, even though Ace was grown and away at school. Maybe harder since he wasn’t around to share my grief.”
Meg wondered what Nita Allen would say if she knew Meg felt no grief, only joy. This gentle woman who’d had a good husband wouldn’t understand that.
“I think it was the quiet that was the most disturbing,” Nita confessed.
The blessed, blessed quiet... No cursing. No yelling. No foul name-calling...
“Yancy was so big and blustery and fun-loving, he kept everyone laughing so hard they could hardly breathe when he was around, especially when he’d get to singing those Irish ditties.”
Elton had kept everyone on pins and needles. Afraid to breathe. Afraid to do or say anything for fear of it being wrong. And no one felt like singing in his presence.
“Your husband was Irish?” Meg asked, clinging to the single fact that jumped out at her.
“He was,” Nita said with a reminiscing smile. “And as handsome as could be. Ace got his blue eyes from his father, though Yancy’s were not so light as Ace’s.”
Meg found the notion of two people marrying from such disparate upbringings an intriguing notion. “Was it difficult, the two of you having such different backgrounds?”
“I won’t say it was always easy, but we had enough love and joy to make up for the bad. My Yancy was not a boring man.” Memories softened her smile. “He loved life and he was filled with Celtic songs and stories and romantic dreams and notions.”
“How on earth did you meet?” Meg asked, her problems forgotten as Nita Allen talked of her love for her Yancy.
Another smile curved the older woman’s lips. “He’d come to America and was just roaming around, looking over his new country, he said. We were drawn to each other from the very first and married, despite my parents’ fears of the worst.”
“And the worst never happened?”
“People can be very judgmental,” she said cautiously. “A white man married to an Indian woman...well, it isn’t always accepted. Yancy and I were able to look past it in most cases, and more often than not, people were standoffish rather than mean.”
Meg, whose own background wasn’t something she liked to remember, had often found that to be true with her, as well. With her mother’s lifestyle often the talk of the town, most people just avoided her as if she had the plague.
“Ace is the one who suffered the most. He grew up not really belonging anywhere. He lived with us until he convinced us to let him go live with his grandmother on the reservation, but he didn’t fit in there, either. He was neither white nor Indian. He was a half-breed. Believe me, it’s much more than a name people call you. It took him years to figure out who he is and what his place is in this world.”
Meg looked through the open door into the other room, where the man they were discussing had a small fire burning in the hearth. He still squatted, placing logs just so. It was strange to think of him as vulnerable in any way.
“And as for repayment,” Nita said, “someday you can return the favor.”
“What?” Meg said, as the words brought her thoughts back to their conversation.
“Someday I may need help from you, or someone else will. Then you’ll do what you can for them.”
Yes, she would. Somehow she would find a way to pay back the woman with the kind eyes and gentle manner who had taken her mind off her guilt and hopelessness for a few precious minutes. She would pay her back somehow, if it were the last thing she ever did.
* * *
Ace heard the murmur of the feminine voices coming from the other room. Maybe he should have listened to his mother. Maybe Meg Thomerson would have been a bit more receptive to his apology after some time spent with his mother and a good breakfast, but he had overridden her wishes and insisted on speaking to Meg first. At the time it had seemed imperative that he tell her what was on his mind and in his heart, to try to make her understand, at least as much as he did, about what had happened that day.
Elton’s widow hadn’t wanted to hear what had happened or know how terrible he felt for robbing her of her life’s partner. As rotten as Ace knew Elton Thomerson was, he’d still been a husband and a father, and Meg must have seen something in him to love or she would never have married him.
He brushed his palms on his thighs and stood, planting his hands on his hips and staring into the flickering flames. He wanted to do the right thing, but he could already see that it would be much harder than he’d expected.
Chapter Two
The breakfast Nita fixed might have been sawdust for all the enjoyment Meg seemed to take from it. Ace and his mother made desultory conversation while trying not to watch the way Meg pushed the eggs and bacon around on her plate, partially covering them with buttery grits when she thought no one was looking so that they would think she’d eaten at least a few bites.
“Do you think we can go get the children today?” she asked as Ace mopped up some yolk with a piece of biscuit.
“You can’t go anywhere,” Nita said. “Doctor Rachel made that very clear to us. She said the wagon trip out here about did you in, and she doesn’t want anything setting back your recovery.”
“I’ll be better when I can hold them,” Meg insisted.
Ace thought he heard a bit of steel in that voice, the first emotion he’d seen besides her very real fear of him and that disturbing melancholy. He shot his mother a questioning glance, and she answered with a slight lift of her eyebrows and an almost imperceptible shrug of her shoulders.
“I was going to cut down a couple more trees this morning,” he told her, pushing back his chair and carrying his plate to the waiting dishpan of hot sudsy water. “Winter will be here before we know it, and I don’t want you running short of wood.”
He didn’t tell her that if her husband had been taking care of his family instead of robbing people, the wood would have been cut and stacked long ago, making starting a fire a lot easier.
If you hadn’t killed him, he could be here right now, doing just that.
The voice inside his head that reminded him of his sin several times a day put a stop to his mental criticism of Elton Thomerson. Meg had grown up a country girl; Ace figured she knew you needed a mix of seasoned and green logs to keep things going.
He also knew there was no way the fragile woman sitting across from him could have done the work herself. How would she have kept warm when she’d burned the scant supply of wood in the lean-to? Despite his attempt to not think ill of the dead, a muscle in his jaw knotted in anger at a man he’d known only by reputation.
He turned to face her, leaning against the narrow table that sat against the wall. “Would you like for me to go and see about bringing them home instead of chopping more wood?”
“Would you?” she breathed, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“I’d be glad to.”
It wasn’t a lie. Though it was fitting that he step up and do the right thing for the woman whose husband he’d shot, Ace hadn’t realized how hard it would be. Not the work—he was no stranger to backbreaking labor—but seeing how badly she was scarred from the whole experience, and how deep her wounds were, left him feeling angry and helpless. He just wanted to fix things for her.
A sharp gasp caught his attention. His gaze flew to Meg’s. The pure terror on her face took him aback. What had happened? Why was she so afraid? Seeing no cause for her alarm, he shot his mother a questioning glance and saw reproach in her eyes.
Understanding slammed into him. His loathing for the way Elton Thomerson had treated his family, especially his wife, had somehow slipped past his usual outward show of stoicism. Seeing his feelings stamped on his face had terrified her.
It was time to go, time to get away from this woman who had somehow gotten beneath his skin the first time he’d seen her sunny smile and worked her way into his heart. For all the good it would do him. Whether or not Elton was corrupt and no good, Meg had no doubt loved the man she’d married. Ace would do well to remember that.
They finished the meal in silence.
“I’ll go to town and talk to Rachel,” he said when they were done. “If she says it’s okay to bring the children home, I’ll make the arrangements.”
“Thank you,” Meg said, without looking up. He gave his mother a brief hug goodbye and left, thinking that winter would be a long time coming.
* * *
Feeling guilty and with nothing to do, Meg sat on a stump in the shade of an oak tree and watched Nita finish stacking the wood Ace had split earlier.
Overcome with guilt, Meg waited until Nita stopped to rest a moment and said, “I feel terrible, sitting here watching you work. I’m not used to being so lazy.”
“It isn’t called laziness, child. It’s called healing. There’s a difference. All you need to do is sit there and soak up God’s sunlight.” She gave Meg a teasing smile. “But if you feel you must do something, you can help me shell the last of the beans that dried on the vine. I thought I’d fix them for supper. It would give you something to do and be a great help to me.”
“Yes, thank you,” Meg said, excited to be doing something worthwhile after being inactive for so long. “Where are they?”
“In the basket next to the front door.”
Meg went through the back door and crossed the room. The basket was sitting right where it was supposed to be. Meg bent over to pick it up with her uninjured arm. As light as it was, the effort still brought an ache to her chest.
She was about to carry it out when she realized she’d seen the basket before. It, or one very like it, had shown up on the porch with predictable regularity while Elton was in prison. More often than not, it contained vegetables, though sometimes there was coffee or a little meal or flour. When she’d emptied the basket of its bounty, she’d put it back on the porch, only to find it gone the next morning. Then it would show up again in a week or so.
Sometimes, she’d find a skinned and gutted squirrel or rabbit hanging on a nail, always fresh, as if someone were aware of her habits and knew just when she’d be there to find them. It never entered her mind that she should be concerned about someone watching her comings and goings, since she wasn’t the only person who had benefited from the mysterious benefactor. Ace and his mother were rumored to be responsible, but no one had ever proved it one way or the other. Recognizing the basket was as close as anyone was likely to come to solving the mystery.
Readying herself for the task at hand, Meg tied a faded apron around her waist. She’d lost weight since the day of the shoot-out, and Rachel said she was far too thin. Well, maybe her newfound freedom would relieve her of some of her worry, and her appetite would come back. Most likely, she’d just find a new anxiety, like how she was going to provide for her kids. She couldn’t rely on the good folks of Wolf Creek forever.
She was almost to the door when she realized she was thirsty. No doubt Nita was, too. The water bucket sat on the tall table she used for preparing meals, beneath the dishpan that hung on a nail and two shelves that held her few dishes and bowls. The long narrow stand, the same one Ace had leaned against that morning, was pushed against the wall, and the breakfast dishes she’d insisted on washing were draining on a flour-sack towel.
After filling two spatterware mugs with the fresh water Nita had carried in, Meg looped the basket over her right arm and took the drinks outside. It felt good to be useful, even in a small way.
Nita, who was just finishing with the wood, smiled when she saw Meg with the mugs. “Thank you,” she said, taking one. “I was getting pretty parched.”
Automatically, the two women headed toward the shade of the small back porch, where two unpainted, worse-for-wear ladder-back chairs sat. Meg took the one with the sagging woven seat, leaving the better one for Nita, then went back inside to fetch a couple of thick pottery crocks. Nestling them in their laps, the two women began to shell the beans into the bowls, letting their aprons catch the hulls. They worked in companionable silence for a while before Meg said, “I want you to know that I appreciate your help, Mrs. Allen. Your son’s, too. There’s no way I could have come home if you weren’t here. And I certainly couldn’t have brought the children back.”
“We’re glad to do it. And please call me Nita.” She ran her thumb along the seam of a shell. Beans popped out into her bowl. “Tell me about your babies. I’ve seen them around town with you, but don’t know much about them except that they’re beautiful.”
“Thank you.” Meg beamed with pride. “Teddy is nearly three, and Lucy is going on ten months. I’ve missed them.”
“Haven’t you seen them these past weeks?”
“Yes, but not nearly enough. My aunt and uncle are taking care of them, and with the way they work, it’s impossible for them to get off the farm very often.”
“Farming is a challenging occupation,” Nita agreed. “You have good ground here. It doesn’t seem as rocky as some places.”
“It’s a pretty nice ten acres,” Meg said. “I always wanted to plant some corn and things to help out during the winter, but my husband...he wasn’t much for farming.”
He was more for robbing and cheating and womanizing.
“I couldn’t seem to find time since I stayed so busy with my laundry and mending.”
“Plus the care of two little ones.”
Yes. Her little ones.
She loved Teddy and Lucy more than anyone on earth, but sometimes...there were worries that lay heavily on her heart, and there wasn’t a single soul to talk to about her concerns. She and her mother, Georgina Ferris, whose well-known escapades with the opposite sex were a frequent topic of gossip in town, had been at odds for years, which left her Aunt Serena and Uncle Dave.
Elton hadn’t wanted her having any friends, hadn’t wanted her to have frequent contact with anyone. He’d seen to it that they lived far enough from Serena for visits to be almost impossible, and they’d drifted apart since her marriage. Still, it was her aunt and uncle who had stepped up to take the children while she recuperated.
“Is something bothering you, child?”
Meg looked up and found Nita’s keen gaze fixed on her. There were a lot of things bothering Meg. It was so tempting to let out her doubts and fears.
Tell her, Meg. Tell her that your greatest fears are that you will turn out like your mother and that your children will turn out like their father.
The little voice inside her head appealed to the lonely, needy part of her she kept hidden from the world. She wasn’t sure why she felt so compelled to confess her worries to this stranger, but as strong as the urge was, Meg knew she couldn’t do that.
One of her mama’s favorite sayings was that no one wanted to hear another’s problems, that you shouldn’t air your dirty laundry to the world. Of course, Georgina Ferris’s laundry was dirtier than most.
“I was just wondering if you have other children?” she asked, knowing by the look in the older woman’s eyes that she recognized the lie for what it was.
Nita shook her head. “Even though Yancy waited on me hand and foot, I lost two babies early in my pregnancies and two to illness when they were little more than babies. Ace is my only living child.”
As a mother herself, Meg was keenly in tune to the older woman’s pain, even though the words were delivered with little emotion. Though Elton had still tried to maintain his image of caring and decency during her pregnancy with Teddy, he had slapped her a time or two. There had been another baby before Lucy that had not survived, maybe because Meg had been so worn down and distraught and Elton had been so furious that it had happened so soon. She would never know.
By the time Lucy came along, he had abandoned or lost any good that had ever been in him, though Meg suspected that what little decency she’d seen was nothing but a show he put on for the world. It was a wonder that she’d carried Lucy to term.
Meg and Nita worked silently for several moments, the kind silence that usually came with long acquaintance and deep trust. The soft rattle of dried beans falling into the bowls and the sweet song of a robin wove seamlessly into the tranquillity of the late September day. Simple, everyday sounds. The sounds of life and peace.
Peace. Would God give her peace once she put enough distance between herself and her memories, or was she destined to be forever lost in this numbing emptiness?
Be still and know that I am God. The favorite passage stole quietly into her mind. She took a deep breath and looked around her at the familiar barnyard scene and realized at that moment she was at peace, that there were no memories tormenting her. Could she dare to hope that her joy in living would return to her this way? In small moments of contentment and little snippets of the day that were filled with something as simple as the soothing sameness that was in itself a sort of peace? Could she trust that God would help her healing by blessing her in tiny ways throughout the coming days? After what she’d suffered at Elton’s hands, it would be hard.
But what about Nita? Though she’d been blessed with a husband who cherished her, her life had been filled with problems and grief, too. She’d lived close to God and yet she’d lost four children and her son had gone to prison—not once, but twice. She and her family had been ridiculed and persecuted because she was Indian. How did she reconcile that with her love and trust of God? How had she stayed so optimistic and encouraging?
Meg wanted to ask, but thought she’d spilled enough of her guts for one day. Besides, it wouldn’t be a good idea to become too dependent on Nita or to like her too much, because she would be gone before year’s end, taking Meg’s secrets and fears with her.
* * *
The trip to Wolf Creek and back gave Ace plenty of time to think about things. He’d needed to escape from the fear he saw in Meg Thomerson’s eyes that his nearness seemed to generate. His guilt was bad enough without adding to her distress. He never wanted her to be afraid of him for any reason.
Meg had caught his eye the first time he’d seen her. About a year ago, he’d come back to Wolf Creek after spending a few years in Oklahoma, where he’d tried to put himself back together again after his two-year stint in prison. Tiny, blonde and green-eyed, she’d captured his interest with her bright smile and shy but sweet disposition.
It hadn’t taken long for him to find out she was married. It had taken even less time to learn that she had one child with another on the way and that her husband was pretty much good for nothing. At best Elton was handsome and shiftless; at worst, he was a drunk, guilty of ill treatment. Whenever Meg was a victim of Elton’s anger, the news spread around town, but she always seemed to put it behind her. She never lost her smile or gave in to her circumstances. He admired her for that and even for sticking to the no-account man she was married to. She was one of the strongest women he’d ever known, and Ace figured she and her kids deserved better, but then, that wasn’t for him to say.
He recalled the day he and Colt and big Dan Mercer had surrounded the Thomerson house. Every minute of that day was etched into his mind in vivid detail—from getting word that Elton and his cohort had escaped from prison to the moment he’d felt for a pulse in Elton’s neck.
What he remembered most was cradling a battered Meg in his arms on the way back to Wolf Creek, trying his best not to jar her lest he do her even more harm than Elton had. In retrospect, he should have hitched up her old wagon and made her a pallet in the back to transport her to Rachel’s, but he hadn’t wanted to take the time. Besides, he knew it might be the only time he ever got to hold her.