Twelve Rooms with a View

CHAPTER FOUR

“Oh, for God’s sake,” said Lucy, all annoyed as soon as I got her. “Where have you been?”

“They cut off the phone,” I told her.

“No kidding. I tried calling you three hours ago and got the message that the phone had been stopped,” she said. “Where have you been?”

“I went out to get a cell phone—”

“You’ve been out buying a cell phone for three hours?”

“Well, I needed some other stuff too and—”

“I thought you were broke. What are you using for money?”

“Would you listen to me, Lucy? They’re here! At least one of them is here and he’s trying to change the locks. He has a locksmith here and he says I have no rights and—”

“Relax. I’m two blocks away, I’m taking care of it,” she told me.

“What do you mean you’re two blocks away? I called you at work,” I said, all confused again.

“And my assistant patched you through to my cell,” she informed me.

“So you’re on your way here? How did you know to come?”

“Tina, when the phone got cut off what did you think was going on?”

“I don’t know. I thought I needed to get a cell phone.”

“Well, I thought a little harder than that. Just stay right there in the lobby; I’ll be there in two minutes.”

She hung up on me, just as Frank trotted back in. He looked a little shell-shocked, but in a more or less delirious kind of way. I thought he was going to be mad at me because I had basically just caused a huge scene, resulting in utter chaos in his little lobby, with people threatening to have him fired and all sorts of unpleasant bullshit. Frank, however, seemed to have barely noticed. He was actually humming a little tune, as he headed over to his podium and started picking up the packages which were still all over the floor. I thought for a moment that he was one of those strange sad people who need a little action to feel alive, but then I took another look, and it was like he was glowing a little bit, around the edges, you could almost see little beams of light coming out of his cuffs and collar. I thought, Oh, he’s in love, Frank is in love with the unspeakably beautiful Julianna Gideon. And he just got to be near her, he got to hold the cab door open for her for half a second.

“She’s pretty, huh,” I said, testing out my theory.

“Oh my God,” he agreed, as if I had just spoken straight to his interior monologue. “I can’t even, when I look at her, I can’t…” He glanced out the door, taking pleasure in just seeing the place he had last been allowed to look at her.

“Does she know you like her?” I asked him.

“What?” That was a bad question; it shook him out of his fantasy and he remembered how much of a right he had to be mad at me. “Did you get things straightened out with Doug? he asked, suddenly kind of stern. “He was quite certain that you are not supposed to be living up there in 8A. I didn’t know what to say. This has put me in a very awkward position. I put a call into building management and I don’t know what they’re going to do. There’s already been so much controversy around that apartment, I’m sure they’re going to want to talk to both of you about whatever this situation is,” he told me. He was trying his best to sound really mean, but the guy didn’t have it in him. He was reading me the riot act, and he just sounded like he was apologizing.

“I’ll try to keep this out of your hair from now on,” I said.

“I would appreciate that,” he said, but he didn’t sound angry, he actually sounded like he would really just appreciate that. Which is about when Lucy showed up, wearing a great gray suit and heels, carrying a big briefcase and looking like the queen of the universe.

“Lucy! Hey, this is my sister Lucy,” I told Frank. “She’ll have this solved in five minutes, I guarantee. You don’t have to talk to building management.”

“I’m sure they know all about this already,” Lucy announced, a little clippy. “Tina tells me there’s some confusion about the locks?”

“Confusion, I should say so,” Frank said. “Doug Drinan—he’s Bill’s son?

“I know who he is.” Lucy nodded, trying not to make that little sign with her hand that means can we hurry this up please.

“Well, he’s up there, having the locks changed. He says he doesn’t know anything about you all having a claim on the place. I didn’t know what to tell him. Tina tells me she’s staying there. I got no reason to doubt her but Doug was Bill’s son—”

“And we are his wife’s daughters.” Lucy smiled, completely professional. “No worries. We’ll clear this up in no time.” She took a couple of smooth steps over to the elevator bank and pressed the call button; as far as Lucy was concerned, this was as good as done. Frank smiled at me, relieved. When she isn’t just annoying as hell, Lucy does in fact have that effect on people. You know who’s in charge.

Doug Drinan and his pal the locksmith were sadly not quite as easy to snow. We more or less fell out of the elevator up there on that eighth floor landing—that is, I fell out, with all my packages, while Lucy popped out like a genie and presented them both with a huge stack of documents.

“Mr Drinan? Hi, how are you? I’m Lucy Finn, Olivia’s daughter. It’s a pleasure to meet you after all this time,” she announced, talking quickly. “As you are aware, our mother just passed only a few days ago and so obviously we are reeling, completely caught off guard, so I’m sure this is our fault. But I think there’s been some confusion about the status of the estate. We spoke with Stuart Long just yesterday, he was in possession of your father’s will; have you seen it? I brought an extra copy in case you hadn’t.” She handed it to him and kept talking. “Anyway there is some real question about who the beneficiaries of the estate are, at this time. Your father seems to have expressed in no uncertain terms that our mother was to inherit everything, that largely meaning the apartment, it’s unclear what else is included, but in any event I’m going to have to ask you to hold off on changing the locks for now. Until we get this sorted out.” She smiled at him, very pleasant, but there was a definite don’t-fuck-with-me edge behind it all. She works in PR. It’s very daunting.

Doug Drinan unfortunately didn’t get on board with anything she was saying. He barely glanced at the papers she had handed him and just sort of tossed them to one side, on top of the old radiator that was hissing in the hallway. “I’m aware we’re going to be in a holding pattern for a little while, with regard to the dispensation of the will,” he told her. “Which is why I thought it important to secure the apartment. Obviously we can’t have just anyone wandering in and out, disturbing the effects, before we’ve even begun to probate this situation. I hate to say it, such a sad time—I mean really, condolences on your loss—but anyway it sounds to me like this is going to get pretty complicated. This is just precautionary. Don’t want things to get ugly down the line or anything.”

Okay, the speech was good, but in general he really was not as good as Lucy. He pressed those thin lips together, like he was trying to smile and explain things like a nice guy, but it came off like he couldn’t be bothered to really pretend all that hard, so it all sounded like what it was, condescending and mean and like he was even kind of enjoying messing with us. Which maybe he was, I’m not sure. The more I saw of this guy the less I liked him. His hair really was kind of dirty, and he had too much disappointment in him. Sometimes those are the worst people to deal with because they aren’t even thinking anymore, they’re just hoping that they can make you as miserable as they are.

Lucy didn’t care. Honestly, she has ice water in her veins so ultimately this guy and all his unhappiness were just no match. “I completely agree,” she said. “That’s why we felt it was best to have Tina camp out here for the time being, just so there was someone on site, making sure nothing untoward happened to the property while we sorted this all out. For instance, I think you and your brother stopped by in the middle of the night, last night, and removed some items?”

Doug Drinan stared at her, aghast at her nerve. She just looked at him. “My mother’s wedding ring,” he said, finally, like the righteousness of the situation would mean something to her.

Lucy shrugged. “We have no way of ascertaining that.”

“Except that she saw it.” Drinan turned his cold stare on me, like I was the one who was fucking with him.

“I never said it wasn’t. I didn’t—ah—” I started.

Lucy raised her hand, fearless, and cut me off. “Tina, your actions are completely blameless in this matter,” she informed everyone.

“How do you figure that one?” asked Drinan. “We got there, she’d already completely cased the joint.”

“I was looking for my mom’s perfume,” I explained again.

“You went through my father’s underwear drawer,” he sneered. “You managed to find his wallet, which was conveniently empty by the time we got there.

“I didn’t—”

“It doesn’t matter what you were doing, Tina. The point is, you did not remove anything from the premises, nor are you—or I, or Alison—doing anything at all except insisting that we hold to the status quo until our lawyers, and your lawyers, have a chance to work through the documents and finalize the legal status of the estate. That’s all we’re trying to do. Protect everyone’s rights.”

“Look, I don’t know what any of this is about?” said the locksmith. “But somebody’s got to make a decision about what we’re doing with these locks. There’s a kill fee. You call to have your locks changed and then you change your mind, that’s a fifteen-dollar charge.”

“Not a problem,” Lucy said, reaching into her purse.

“I don’t agree to that,” Drinan snapped. He put his hand out, stopping the locksmith from even thinking about heading for the elevator bank. “I want the locks changed and I have every right to change the locks.”

“You legally have no right to change the locks,” Lucy said. Man she was so cool headed, through all of this, there was no way the locksmith was not going to do what she told him to. But he did feel bad about it.

“Listen, man, I’ll wait downstairs and let my boss know what’s going on. If the situation changes I can come back up and do the job. But I can’t get involved in something that might, you know. Be illegal.”

“This is my apartment. I grew up here, this is my apartment. Drinan’s temper was fraying again.

“Unfortunately we have a whole stack of legal documents which indicate that there is a very real chance that, in fact, it is not your apartment,” Lucy said, not quite so nicely anymore. “And if you insist on pursuing this course of action I will in fact be forced to call the police.”

“Go ahead. My brother is a detective with the NYPD, and you want to know something? They take care of their own.”

“Listen, buddy.” The locksmith was really desperate to get out of here by now. So was I. Bringing up the cops made everything just that little bit more icky.

“Wonderful. Your brother works in law enforcement, and I work in publicity. He can bring in his friends, and I can bring in mine. I know several writers for several highly prominent newspapers who would be only too happy to write about the NYPD superseding the law and forcing people from their homes.”

“This isn’t your home,” said Drinan, clearly astonished, finally, at her nerve.

“It is Tina’s home,” she told him, in no uncertain terms. “Our mother died here, and every legal document I have studied so far tells me that this apartment is now our apartment, and she had no place to live, and so for now she’s living here, and it is her legal right to do so.”

“I don’t even know you people,” Doug observed, like that was going to matter.

“I suspect we will have plenty of time to get acquainted, Lucy said, kind of mean. She looked at the locksmith, like she couldn’t even believe he was still standing there. “If you want to call your boss, now would be the time. I think we both know what he’s going to tell you.”

“Yeah, I don’t have to call him; I’m not getting involved in this,” he said. “But I do need that kill fee.”

She reached into her purse, lifted out a neatly folded bill and handed it over to him. The whole move took three seconds. “Keep the change,” she announced.

“Thanks,” he nodded, and he ambled back to the exit sign, pushed through that crummy brown door and slipped down into the stairwell. I didn’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to hang around waiting for an elevator, under those circumstances.

Drinan didn’t want to wait either. He picked up his little pile of legal documents and followed the locksmith.

“Perhaps you’d like my card,” Lucy cooed, holding one out to his back.

“When I need to talk to you I’m not going to have any trouble finding you,” he said, as the door to the stairwell slammed shut behind him.

“What a charming character,” Lucy said, putting the card away. “I thought you said he was good looking.”

“The other one, the one who’s a cop,” I told her.

“What does this one do?” she asked. “Run a charm school? Let me have the keys.”

I handed them to her. “I don’t know what this one does. Last night he didn’t say much,” I told her. “They were both drunk.”

“You should write down everything that happened last night. Have you done that yet?” she asked me.

“No, of course not. Why would I write it down?” I said.

“Well, we’re going to need a paper trail on everything, Tina. This isn’t a joke. I want it established that we are keeping records. Things are going to happen really quickly, and obviously the Drinan brothers have no compunction about playing hardball. We need to be prepared, as much as we can, for whatever they throw at us. What the hell is this?” We had stepped into the front room, which was filled with light from top to bottom. In spite of that hideous wall-to-wall shag rug, and all the crazy trouble with Doug Drinan, that room was really gorgeous so I got distracted for a minute just staring at it, and didn’t know what she was talking about, again. “Tina, hellloooo,” she said, waving her hand in front of my face and snapping her fingers.

“What?” I said.

“What,” she asked, impatient, “is this?” And with her toe she nudged a small wooden tool kit, which had been placed neatly against the wall, next to the doorway which led to the mossery.

“Oh, that’s Len’s,” I said.

“Len,” she repeated, looking at me like I had of course once again slept with someone I shouldn’t have.

“He was a friend of Bill’s, and Mom’s. That’s his moss in the kitchen. They let him grow it there. He’s some kind of botanist kind of person. He lives in the building,” I explained. “He was here when the phone got cut off, and he, you know, he said I should go get a cell phone for now.” Lucy flipped the light switch. Nothing happened.

“Yes, I see.” She sighed. “And what did you do, once you bought the cell phone? Did you call me at work, as I asked you to, and say, Lucy, the phone has been cut off and they’re probably going to try to cut the electricity as well, and maybe change the locks, could you come over and help me handle this? Did you do that?”

“No, I didn’t do that,” I started.

“No, you didn’t,” she said, continuing to flip the useless light switch for effect. “You went shopping.”

“Why would I assume this guy was going to do all that stuff you said? We don’t even know these people.”

“Tina, honestly, would you try to think for once? Hello, Monica, hi.” She was on her cell now, firing on all jets. “I’m going to need you to call Keyspan and Con Ed, the gas and electric got turned off in my mom’s apartment and we need to get it turned back on right away and I mean now. My sister is living here and she obviously can’t stay if there’s no gas or electricity, so if you need to run down to their offices then do it. I left three copies of the will on my desk; take them with you so if they give you any trouble you can prove we have the right to put the accounts in my name. Here, you can also give them the number of the building, tell them the doorman can verify that we’ve taken possession. What’s his name?” She asked me.

“Frank,” I said.

“Frank,” she said to the phone, and then she rattled off the phone number of the building, which of course she knew even though I did not. She finished up the call by snapping her cell shut and then continued explaining things, just continuing the story as if there had been no interruption at all. “I checked in with that Long person, the lawyer, from yesterday?”

“I remember. Lucy, could you not talk to me like I’m an idiot?”

“Don’t get snippy, Tina. You almost completely blew it today—”

“I told you, I didn’t know.”

“No, you didn’t think; you just took off for three solid hours on a shopping spree, and I’m not going to ask you where you got the money because honestly I don’t care. But you should rest assured, while I don’t think Doug Drinan has any sort of legal claim on this apartment, I don’t necessarily think that he is a liar. Did you find money here?” She waved her hands idly at the many shopping bags I had dumped on the floor.

“I didn’t have anything to wear,” I said, trying to get to the beginnings of a defence here. She was not interested. “You listen to me,” she snapped. “If I hadn’t gotten worried about not hearing from you, and showed up, what would have happened?”

“I don’t actually care what would have—”

“You’d be locked out. We all would be locked out. We would not have access to the apartment or the building, for that matter, for months. We’d have to go to a judge to get an injunction to get permission to even get a look at the place, by which point the Drinan brothers will have filed to legally contest their father’s will, which depending on how long that takes to get through the courts? Cuts us off for years. Years. I checked this out with Daniel’s friend, the real estate lawyer, who assures me that, contrary to what that idiot told us yesterday, a scenario like that leaves us with virtually no standing whatsoever. If they can prove that Bill was of unsound mind, and Mom was of unsound character, and none of us had ever met Bill and had never even set foot in this apartment, it is not that far a leap to making the claim that Mom tricked him into changing that stupid will, and that we have no claim upon this place. And that is what they are going to try to do. So do me a favor and don’t make their case for them, would you? We put you here for a reason. Stay put.”

“You expect me to never leave.”

“Not unless you pick up your handy new little throwaway cell phone, and call me first, and let me know that you need to go out for two hours and that Alison or I need to come by and be on site while you are off traipsing about.”

“Well, so how long—”

“As long as I say! If you don’t like this deal, let me know. Let me know, and you can go back to Darren and the trailer park and the Delaware Water Gap now, instead of later. Because if you don’t help me make this work? That is where you’re going to end up anyway.”

Now even though I thought Lucy really was overreacting and being obviously a total nightmare, this argument made a relatively significant impression on me. Even though I couldn’t fully follow the dastardly legal turns she had already worked out for herself, in terms of where this situation maybe could go? It was pretty clear that me getting booted out of there, and back to cleaning houses in Delaware, was in the cards if we didn’t pull this off.