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She doesn’t respond, but she doesn’t need to. I know she wants me to go on. A tear escapes one eye, and I reach up and wipe it away with the pad of my thumb.
“We won’t because we’re both conscious of it,” I begin. “Because it was fate that we met on that bus in Kansas, and because we both know what we want out of life. We may not have the details mapped out—and we don’t need to—but we both know which direction we don’t want to go.”
I stop and then say, “We can still travel the world. We just have to put it off for a while longer. And in the meantime, we live our lives the way we want to. None of that daily monotonous bullshit.”
I get a tiny smile out of her.
“Well, how do we avoid that exactly?” she asks, crossing her arms and smirking down at me.
Now there’s the playful smartass Camryn I know and love.
I rub my hands up and down her thighs briskly and then say, “If you want to work, you can work. I don’t care if you want to flip burgers or shovel shit at the zoo, do whatever you want. But the second you get tired of it or feel like it’s becoming your life, walk the fuck away. And if you’d rather sit back and do nothing, you can do that too, like I’ve told you before. You know I’ll take care of you no matter what.”
I know what’s coming next, so I brace for it. And sure enough Camryn snarls at me and argues, “No way in hell will I sit back on my ass and let you take care of me.”
She’s so hot when she’s bein’ all independent.
“Well that’s fine. Whatever,” I say, raising my hands up in surrender. “But I want you to understand that I don’t care what you do as long as you’re happy doing it.”
“And what about you, Andrew? You can’t just tell me not to worry about ‘the monotony of life’ while you take it on headfirst just because we have a baby to support. That’s not fair.”
“That’s sort of what you said that first night I buried my head between your thighs. Did I have a problem with it then?”
She blushes hard. Even after all this time and all that we’ve been through together, I still manage to make her blush.
I lean up and cup her face within my hands and pull her into a kiss.
“As long as I have you, Lily, and my music, I don’t need anything else.”
Another tear streams down her soft cheek, but this time she’s smiling underneath it. “You promise?” she asks.
“Yes, I promise,” I say with determination, squeezing her hands within mine. I let the seriousness fade from my face and smile at her again.
“I’m sorry,” she says, letting out a defeated breath. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. One day I’m all smiles and perfectly fine and then it’s like, out of nowhere, I’m doom-and-gloom pathetic.”
I laugh a little under my breath. “Bitch-slapped by mood swings. Get used to it.”
Her mouth falls open slightly, and she laughs too. “Well, I guess that’s one way of putting it.”
She stops abruptly. “Do you hear that?” Her eyes narrow as she pushes her ear toward the source of the sound. I hear but pretend not to.
“Oh great,” I say. “Don’t tell me that pregnancy causes schizophrenia, too.”
She smacks me gently on the chest and climbs off my lap. “No, it’s your cell phone,” she says, walking around to the back of the couch. “I thought the battery was dead.”
No … I just turned the ringer off and hid it to make you think that. At least I thought I turned it off.
“I think you’re sitting on your phone,” she says.
I stand up and play stupid, rummaging around underneath the cushion. Finally, I pull it out to see Natalie’s picture (technically, it’s a picture of a hyena that I thought represented her best) looking back at us from the screen. Dammit. This is going to be awkward.
Camryn reaches out for it when she notices Natalie’s name.
“Since when did Natalie start calling you?” she asks, snatching it from my hand.
Yes, definitely awkward because she doesn’t look the slightest bit jealous. She’s grinning!
I reach up and nervously scratch the back of my head, avoiding eye contact, but then I try to take it back from her.
“Oh, no way in hell,” she laughs, stepping away from the couch.
“Come on, give me the phone.”
She taunts me with it as I leap over the back of the couch to go after her.
She thrusts her empty hand out at me. “Be careful! I’m pregnant and you might hurt me!” She smirks.
Oh now she plays the I’m-too-fragile card. So evil.
She runs her finger over the Answer bar and puts the phone to her ear, grinning the whole time.
I just give up. I suck at this stuff.
“Well, hello Natalie,” Camryn says, her playful gaze never moving from me. “Have you been seeing my man behind my back?”
She shakes her head at whatever Natalie’s answer is. It’s obvious Camryn knows what’s going on, or at least has a pretty good idea, because she knows I’d never cheat on her, especially not with her best friend. The girl is pretty but, yeah, she’s like a reality TV train wreck.
Camryn puts her on speakerphone. “Out with it, both of you,” she demands.
“Ummm … uhhh …,” Natalie manages on the other end.
“For the first time ever, Natalie has nothing to say. I’m shocked!” Camryn looks to me for the answers.
“Sorry, Andrew!” Natalie shouts.
“Not your fault,” I say. “I left the ringer on.”
Camryn clears her throat impatiently.
“It was going to be a surprise,” I say, frowning.
“Yeah! I swear he’s not doing me!”
I outwardly cringe at Natalie’s comment and Camryn tries her damnedest to hold back her laughter. But being Camryn, she won’t pass up any opportunity to torture those she loves, though with the most innocent of intentions.
“I don’t believe you, Nat,” she says gravely.
“Huh?” Natalie sounds completely stunned.
“How long has it been going on?” Camryn continues, putting on a convincing show. She walks around and sets the phone down on the coffee table and then crosses her arms.
“Cam … I swear to God it’s nothing like that. Oh my God, I would never, ever, ever do something like that to you. I mean Andrew is smokin’ hot, yeah, I totally admit that, and I would probably be on him like sexy on Joseph Morgan if you two weren’t together, but—”
“I get it, Nat.” Camryn stops her—thankfully—before she goes off on what Camryn calls a Natalie Tangent.
“You do?” Natalie asks carefully, still confused, which doesn’t surprise me.
Camryn picks the phone up again and holds the screen up to me and mouths the words: Seriously? Apparently about the picture of the hyena.
I shrug.
“So, what’s really going on?” Camryn says to both of us, setting the jokes aside.
“Camryn,” I say, walking toward her, “I know you’re missing home. I’ve known for a while, so a couple weeks ago I got Natalie’s number from your phone and decided to give her a call.”
Camryn narrows her eyes. I guide her to sit back down on the couch with me.
“Yeah, he called me up and told me your ultrasound date and thought I might want to …” Natalie’s voice trails, waiting on me to be the one to spill the surprise.
“I figured she would want to organize a baby shower for you when we found out if it was a boy or a girl—I tried calling your mom first, but she must’ve still been in Cozumel.”
Camryn nods. “Yeah, she likely was around that time.”
“But your mom is totally onboard now,” Natalie’s voice streams through the tiny speaker. “She and I were kind of planning it together behind your back. I couldn’t wait any longer for your boy toy to call me with the news today, so I called him and now you know everything and the surprise is ruined!”
“No, no, Nat, it’s not ruined at all,” Camryn says, picking the phone up and holding it closer to her mouth as she leans her back into the couch. “It’s actually better that I know now, because I can be excited from now until then knowing I’m heading back to North Carolina soon.”
“Well you won’t have to wait long,” I say beside her, “because we’re leaving Friday afternoon.”
Camryn’s eyes widen and so does her smile.
I think this is just what she needed. It’s like a happy girl just crawled her way to the surface of a homesick one in two seconds flat. I love to see her like this. I should’ve done it sooner.
“Four months is kind of early for a baby shower, though,” Camryn says. “Not that I’m complaining!”
“Maybe so,” Natalie says. “But who cares? You’re coming home!”
I say, “Yeah, we figured why not knock out two birds with one stone?”
“Well, I’m excited. Thank you both,” Camryn says, beaming.
“So … what’s the big news?” Natalie asks.
Camryn holds it in for a few long, torturous seconds, knowing it’s driving Natalie batshit, and then she says, “It’s a girl!”
Natalie squeals so loud through the phone I wince and recoil.
“I knew it!” she shrieks.
Normally this would be reason enough for me to remove myself from the slumber party atmosphere and go make a sandwich or take a shower or something, but I can’t get myself off the hook so soon on this one. I was part of the “big secret,” and so I guess I should stick out the rest of the conversation.
“I’m so excited, Cam. Really, you have no idea.”
“Actually, uhh, yeah she has a pretty good idea,” I say.
Camryn looks at me warningly.
“Thank you, Nat. I’m excited, too. And we’ve already decided on a name. Well, technically Andrew chose the name.”
“What?” Natalie says in a deadpanned tone. “You mean like he actually … picked it out?” She says this as if it’s something very dangerous.
What, do all women think guys suck at names, or some shit?
“Lily Marybeth Parrish,” Camryn says proudly.
It makes me feel that much better that my girl really seems to love the name as much as I do and isn’t just pretending to keep from hurting my feelings.
“Oh my God, I actually like that, Cam. Andrew, you did good!”
Not that I needed the Natalie stamp of approval, but it still makes me grin like a little boy that even she likes it.
FOUR
Yesterday was an exhausting day. In a good way. Good news seemed to come from everywhere, and I’m still reeling about it all. It’ll only make tonight at our favorite bar in Houston that much more exciting.
Andrew and I started playing a few bars here and there a little over a month ago, and I love it. Before Andrew, I never in my life imagined playing live in bars. Playing live anywhere, for that matter. It’s not something that crossed my mind even once. But the taste I got for it back in New Orleans opened up a new world to me. Of course, Andrew being there with me played a huge part in my enjoyment of it and that still holds true today. I doubt I could keep doing this if it weren’t for him.
Performing isn’t what I enjoy the most; performing with him is what makes me love it.
I talk to my mom for a while about coming home in a couple of days, and she’s so excited to see me. She and Roger got hitched in Mexico! It kind of ticked me off because I didn’t get to be there, but now that I think about it more it doesn’t bother me. They were being spontaneous. They did what they felt they wanted to do in their hearts and just went for it. I’ve learned during my time with Andrew that being spontaneous and breaking free from the mold is often a good thing. After all, we wouldn’t be together today if I myself didn’t have some firsthand experience with being spontaneous.
As far as our own wedding date, well, we haven’t set one. We talked about it one night and agreed that we will get married when and wherever it feels right. No dates. No planning. No five-thousand-dollar dress that I’ll only wear once. No matching the flowers with the décor. No best man or maids of honor. All of that stuff stresses both of us out just thinking about it.
We’ll get married when we’re ready, and we both know that the wait has nothing to do with not being sure. It’s what we both want, there’s no mistaking that.
I hear Andrew rustling the keys in the apartment door and I meet him there. I jump up, wrapping my legs tight around his waist, and kiss him fully on the mouth. He slams the door shut with his foot and wraps his arms around me, keeping his lips locked with mine.
“What was that for?” he asks, pulling away.
“I’m just excited.”
His dimples deepen.
I hold on to him with my arms draped around his neck as he carries me through the living room and into the kitchen.
“I wish I would’ve taken you home sooner,” he says, setting me on top of the bar. He stands between my suspended legs and tosses his keys on the counter.
“None of that guilty stuff,” I say, pecking him once on the lips. “I’ll miss Texas if I stay in North Carolina too long, I’m sure.”
He smiles but doesn’t seem convinced of that.
“You don’t have to make a decision now,” he says, “but I do want you to decide where we’re going to live, and I don’t want you picking Texas because of me. I love my mom, but I won’t be as homesick as you.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because I’ve lived on my own for a while,” he says. “You never got the chance to do that before you left Raleigh.”
He grins, stepping back subtly, and adds, “Besides, you’re all hormonal and crazy and shit, so I’ll gladly do whatever you say and you won’t get any arguments from me.”
I playfully kick my leg out at him, but miss him on purpose.
He leans in between my legs, lifts the end of my shirt, and then presses his warm lips against my belly.
“What about Billy Frank?” I ask as he lifts upright. “If you leave him again he might never hire you back.”
Andrew laughs and makes his way around the bar and toward the cabinets. I swing around on the top of the bar to face him, hanging my legs over the opposite side.
“Billy Frank has been my boss off and on since I was sixteen,” he says, taking down a box of cereal. “We’re more like family, so it’s not your average mechanic job. I need him more than he needs me.”
“Why do you still do it?” I ask.
“What, work under a hood?”
I nod.
He pours milk over the cereal he just made and puts it back in the fridge. “I like working on cars,” he says and then takes a monstrous bite. With his mouth full, he goes on, “Kind of like a hobby, I guess. And besides, I like to keep the money flowing in the bank.”
I feel a little small, not having a job yet. He senses it, like he seems to sense just about everything. He swallows the food and points his spoon at me. “Don’t do that.”
I just look at him curiously, pretending not to know about how easily he caught on.
He sits on the barstool next to me, propping his shoes on the spindles below.
“You do realize you work, right?” he asks, looking at me in a sidelong manner. “Last week we raked in four hundred bucks the night we played at Levy’s. Four hundred in one night ain’t too shabby.”
“I know,” I say. “It just doesn’t feel like a job.”
He laughs lightly, shaking his head. “It doesn’t feel like a job because you happen to enjoy it. And because you’re not punching a clock.”
He has a point, but I wasn’t quite finished explaining. “If we were constantly on the road, didn’t have rent and utilities and a baby on the way, it would be different.” I take a sharp breath and just get to the point. “I want to get a hobby job. Like you.”
He nods. “Awesome,” he says and takes another bite, all the while sitting casually with his arms resting on the bar around his bowl. “What would you like to do?” He points at me. “Note the important keyword in that question: like.”
I think on it a moment, pursing my lips in contemplation.
“Well, I like to clean, so maybe I could get a job at a hotel,” I begin. “Or it might be nice to work at Starbucks or something.”
He shakes his head. “I doubt you’ll like cleaning rooms,” he says. “My mom used to do that before my dad started his business. People leave nasty shit in those rooms.”
I cringe. “Well, I’ll figure something out. As soon as we get to Raleigh, I’ll look for a job.”
Andrew’s spoon pauses just above his bowl. “So your decision is to move back home, then?”
FIVE
I didn’t mean to cause her face to go all stiff like that. I move my bowl out of the way and pull her toward me, sliding her across the bar top. I rest my arms across the tops of her bare legs and look at her with the most sincere smile.
“I’m really OK with it, babe.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Definitely.” I lean over and kiss the top of her left thigh and then the other. “We’ll go for the baby shower this weekend, come back here and start packing.”
She grabs my hands. “But after we move, we’ll definitely have to come back here in February for the shower your mom is planning.”
My smile widens. “Sounds like a plan,” I say, not surprised, though, that she’s taking my mom’s feelings into consideration, too. “So then it’s settled. Raleigh will be our new home. At least until we get tired of it.”
Camryn, happier now than she was when she first greeted me at the door, reaches out and grabs me around the neck. I stand up and lift her back into my arms, her cute butt propped in my hands.
“Sorry about the cereal,” she says.
“Huh?”
She lowers her eyes. “I bet when you dreamed about being married you pictured your wife cooking man-meals that’d make Gordon Ramsay’s toes curl.”
I throw my head back and laugh.
“No, I never really thought about stuff like that,” I say, our faces just inches apart. “Now the toe-curling stuff, trust me, you’ve got that down pat.”
She squeezes her thighs around my waist, her face getting redder. I kiss her on the nose and then look into her beautiful blue eyes. I close my eyes and feel the minty warmth of her breath close in on me. Her tongue gently touches my bottom lip, urging my mouth to part for hers. I give in so easily, touching the edge of her tongue to mine before I kiss her forcefully, squeezing her body in my arms. I carry her off to our bedroom, never breaking the kiss, and I have my way with her for the next hour before we head out to Houston to play.
We arrive at the airport in North Carolina midday Friday, and already I see the spark in Camryn’s eyes. It’s only her second time back here in four months. We get our bags and head outside in the sunshine to find Natalie and Blake waiting to pick us up. And just like the first time I met her, I brace myself to stand face-to-face with Camryn’s hyena of a best friend.
“I missed you so much, Cam!” Natalie engulfs her in a hug.
Blake—I might start calling him Blondie for the hell of it—stands tall behind Natalie with his hands buried deep in his pockets, his shoulders slumped over, and a big goofy smile on his tanned face. I can tell which one of those two is the master of their domain. That guy is whipped hardcore. I laugh it off inside. More power to him. Hell, I can’t say anything …
“Andrew!” Natalie moves toward me next, and I put up my invisible crazy shield as I return her unsolicited hug.
OK, the truth is I don’t like Natalie much. I don’t hate her, but she’s the kind of girl I wouldn’t think twice about talking to without Camryn being in the mix. And what she did to Camryn before Camryn got on that bus left a bad fucking taste in my mouth. I’m all for forgiveness, but just that Natalie could do something like that to begin with is cause for caution around her all of the time. It was hard for me to take it upon myself to call her up that day two weeks ago and tell her about Camryn’s ultrasound date and all that. But I was doing it for Camryn, and that’s all that matters to me.
“Good to see you again, Blake,” Camryn says, pulling him into a friendly hug.
I know everything about Blake, too, about how he was interested in Camryn first before later hooking up with Natalie. And regardless of his attraction to Camryn before we met, he’s all right in my book.
He and I shake hands.
“Oh my God, let me see!” Natalie says. She lifts up Camryn’s shirt, places both hands carefully over her stomach, and beams up at her. A tiny squeal-like sound reverberates through Natalie’s throat, and I find myself wondering how a human body can make such noises.
“I can be Aunt Natalie, or Godmother Natalie!”
Ummm, how about no?
Camryn’s smiling head nods rapidly, and I just make sure I’m not putting off any negative energy that she can detect. The last thing I want to do is ruin this homecoming for her by letting her know I tolerate her best friend only for her sake.
SIX
North Carolina
The baby shower my mom and Natalie threw turned out great. I ended up with a brand-new baby bed, a walker, a swing, a high chair, two baby bathtubs—one pink and one blue, just in case—about 984 diapers—well, it seems like a lot of diapers—multiple bottles of baby shampoo and powder, and something called Anti Monkey Butt and Butt Paste, which is really disturbing, and … I can’t remember all of this stuff and some of it I have absolutely no idea what it is.
After a while of sitting in the room surrounded by everyone, I start to feel overwhelmed, but I’m ready to tone this get-together down and soak in a long, hot bath.
Two more hours drag by and everyone has left except for Natalie, who finds me soaking in that much-needed bath, surrounded by frothy bubbles.
“Cam?” I hear Natalie’s voice on the other side of the bathroom door. She knocks softly a few times.
“Come on in,” I say.
The door creeps open and Natalie peeks around the side. Wouldn’t be the first time she saw me naked.
She sits on the closed toilet lid.
“Well, it’s official,” she says, grinning down at me, “pregnancy does make the boobs bigger.”
As always, she’s exaggerating.
I raise my hand from the water and flick droplets at her.
“Are you feeling all right?” she asks, toning down the jokes. “You look exhausted.”
“I’m pregnant,” I say flatly.
“True, but Cam, you look like shit.”
“Thanks.” I reach back, readjust the clip I put in my hair to keep it from getting wet, then relax my arm along the side of the tub.
“Well, aren’t you supposed to be glowing? That’s what they say pregnant women do.”
I shrug and shake my head against the back of the tub.
A dull wave of pain moves through my lower back and passes as quickly as it came. I grimace and readjust my body.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” She looks more concerned than she needs to.
“Aches and pains. Nothing to worry about. It’s only going to get worse from here on out, I imagine. Aches and pains, that is.” I don’t know why I felt compelled to clear that last part up, except that I wanted to make sure she knew I didn’t mean it any other way.
“Still no morning sickness?” she asks. “I’d take a little back pain over puking my guts up, any day.”
“Nope,” I say. “But let’s not jinx it, Nat.”
I admit, if it were actually a choice, I’d choose pain over puke, too. And so far it looks like that’s what I’m getting. I guess I’ve been one of the lucky ones who the morning sickness passes right over. And I don’t have any weird cravings, either. So, either I’m a freak of nature, or all that talk about pickles and ice cream is just a load of crap.
I get out of the tub and wrap a towel around my body before hugging Natalie good-bye.
Then I lie across my bed, remembering how comfortable it was. But I don’t miss this room so much, or feel any sense of longing to get back into my old life. No. The “old life” I still want to avoid, and this is the number one reason I’ve been so divided about whether to come home or not. I’ve missed my mom and Natalie, and I admit that I’ve just missed North Carolina in general. But I don’t miss it in the way that makes me want to end right back up here doing the same things I was doing before. I ran away from that lifestyle for a reason, and I’m not about to run right back to it.