A Convenient Christmas Bride

Chapter Five

“How could I have been so stupid?” Anna Mae folded another dress and placed it in her satchel. She might as well get this over with; there was no way she could survive another smirch against her character. If she left before the entire town knew, which should be in about an hour, give or take a few minutes, she’d avoid the pitying glances and censuring looks.

She plopped down on the bed, a green shawl clutched in her hands. How could this keep happening to her? It would be different if she engaged in bad behavior. But she didn’t; never had, never planned to.

All her loneliness and confusion welded together in one upsurge of yearning, and she bent over, her hands clutched against her stomach, a groan pushing through her gritted teeth. Would she ever belong? She thought she’d found a place to call home, but now she’d have to move on.

Without warning, Emily Jane rushed through her door and knelt in front of her. “Oh, Anna Mae, I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry.”

Anna Mae collapsed into her friend’s arms, yielding to the compulsive sobs that shook her. She wept aloud, as Emily Jane rocked her back and forth.

Little by little Anna Mae gained control of her emotions, and with a hiccup or two accepted a hanky from Emily Jane. She mopped up her face, but the compassionate, caring look in her friend’s eyes almost undid her all over again.

“Why are you packing, Anna Mae?” Emily Jane spoke in an odd, yet gentle voice, as if she were afraid she’d cause the waterworks to start again. “We’re not letting you leave. Why, where would you go?” Emily Jane’s eyes grew large and liquid. “I couldn’t bear it if you weren’t around to talk to. We’ve lived together since we both arrived here.” She took one of the dresses from the valise and hung it back on the hanger. “Plus, I need you around so my baby will have an aunt to spoil it rotten and let it do things that as its mother I can’t.” She rubbed her rounded belly and offered a genuine smile.

“How can I stay, Emily Jane? Everyone thinks the worst of me.” Anna Mae shivered, uncertain if it was from the fear taking root in her heart or from the cold that crept through the window.

Emily Jane lifted the shawl off the bed where it had fallen during their embrace, and wrapped it around Anna Mae’s shoulders. “Come. Let’s get out of this cold room and go sit in the dining room.” She turned her toward the door with a slight nudge.

Moments later, a sigh shuddered through Anna Mae as she took a deep drink of her cream-and-sugar-laden hot coffee. “I can’t believe I acted so stupidly and placed my employment in jeopardy.”

“It wasn’t stupid to want to help one of your students,” Emily Jane said, patting her hand in comfort.

Anna Mae looked about the room. Thankfully, the noon lunch rush hadn’t begun and she and Emily Jane were the only occupants. “Thank you, Emily Jane, but I knew better than to believe a student as mischievous as Bart.”

“Then why did you go with him?”

Anna Mae’s breath caught in her throat and tears filled her eyes again. Did Emily Jane realize her voice sounded accusatory?

“No, no. Don’t look at me like that. I meant, was there a reason beyond what you’ve said so far? Did he act scared or was he crying?”

Anna Mae thought back to the day Bart had lured her into the woods with his lie. Maybe she had still wanted to help him, to win him over. She didn’t know. Her stomach growled and she wished suddenly she’d taken Emily Jane up on her offer of cake. It was probably for the best. Anna Mae didn’t think she’d be able to get food down her tight throat, anyway.

“Anna Mae?” Emily Jane’s voice was infinitely compassionate, but probing, snatching Anna Mae back to reality. She realized she’d been quiet for too long.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I went because he seemed so upset and he rushed me so that I didn’t take the time to think it through. If I had, I would have realized that he was lying.” She took another sip of coffee, the sweet taste mingling with the sourness in her stomach. “Well, it can’t be helped now.”

“What are you going to do?” Emily Jane nibbled on the applesauce cake she’d ordered.

Anna Mae set her cup down. “There’s nothing else for it, Emily Jane. I’ll have to leave town.”

“But why?” Her friend dropped her fork, creating a clatter that sounded loudly in the room. “I don’t understand that way of thinking. Why would you leave town?” She scrambled to retrieve her fork.

“I have no job, and as soon as word gets out that I spent two weeks out at the Miller farm, my reputation will be ruined.” Fresh sorrow filled her at the truth of her words. “I have to leave.” Her sense of loss was beyond tears. Everything had been going well. She’d had a job, a home and friends.

Emily Jane shook her head. She lowered her voice so that the few people who had filtered into the dining room wouldn’t hear her. “The only ones who will think ill of you are the ladies who are jealous of you, like Mrs. Bradshaw. Why don’t you give it a few days and see what happens? I’ll check with William and see if I have enough money to hire you to work at the bakery. I’m sure I’ll need the extra help with the arrival of our new baby.” She rested her hands protectively around her rounded tummy with a small grin.

“Thank you, dear friend, but I can’t ask you to create a job for me. I love you for wanting to, but I can’t accept it.”

A pair of boot tips appeared in her line of vision and then a man cleared his throat. Anna Mae looked up to find Josiah standing beside the table. She took a quick sharp breath. What was he doing back at the boardinghouse? Had he come to tell her what the doctor had said about Rose’s ear?

“Ladies, mind if I join you?” He twisted his hat in his hands as he waited for an answer.

Emily Jane responded first. “Of course, please do.” She indicated he should take the seat between them.

Beth Winters hurried over to take his order. “What would you like, Sheriff?”

He pulled the chair out and sat down. “Coffee and a piece of whatever kind of cake my sister-in-law is having.”

She nodded and hurried off to get them.

Anna Mae nervously fingered the handle of her cup. Where were the twins? Didn’t he know it would add fuel to the fodder if they were seen together?

“Where are the girls?” Emily Jane asked.

He hung his hat on the back of his chair. “I left them with Carolyn Moore for a few minutes.”

“Did you take Rose to the doctor?” Anna Mae asked, drawing his attention back to her.

“Yep. He said her ear is a little red and to put a few drops of oil in it this evening before putting her down for the night.” He grinned at Anna Mae.

As their eyes met the tenderness in his expression amazed her. But there was something more. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but he almost seemed pleased with himself; as if he’d just confirmed something that had been on his mind. Good for him, she thought sarcastically, irked by his easy manner.

Beth returned with his coffee and cake. “Here you go, Sheriff, it’s on the house.”

“That’s right nice of you, Mrs. Winters.” He tipped his head in her direction.

A soft pink filled Beth’s cheeks as she turned to go. Was Beth sweet on him? Anna Mae realized that first Mrs. Bradshaw and now Beth seemed to be interested in the sheriff. She crossed her arms protectively across her chest and studied him thoroughly.

He was handsome, with wavy black hair that touched the back of his collar, and deep blue eyes. His nose was a little crooked, as if it had been broken at one time or another. When he smiled his eyes seemed to hold an inner light that drew a person, much like a bee to a honeycomb, but was that any reason to fall over oneself around him?

Josiah glanced up from his dessert to catch her staring at him. He measured her with a cool, appraising look. “I’ve been worried about you, Annie.”

She peered about to see if anyone had heard him use his pet name for her. Assured that no other diners sat close by, she returned her attention to him. “I’m fine, Sheriff Miller.” She stressed his last name, reminding him they were no longer at his cabin and not to call her by her given name.

“Anna Mae just told me she’s thinking about leaving town,” Emily Jane interjected, taking a big bite of her cake and carefully observing both of them.

Anna Mae felt more than saw Josiah’s posture stiffen. She would have liked to be the one to tell him that she was leaving. Not that it mattered, but she wanted him to know that it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t help it that Bart had led her into the woods on a stormy night, or that her mule had chosen Josiah’s farm to take her to. Anna Mae hadn’t decided when or how she would tell him, but she had hoped to do so herself.

“So you’re thinking about leaving?”

She nodded. “I planned to tell you before I left.” She became aware of Emily Jane watching them with acute interest. “Because I wanted to thank you for all that you did for me when I was sick.”

Josiah looked to his sister-in-law. As if he’d silently asked her to leave, Emily Jane picked up her purse and said, “Well, I hate to eat and run, but I need to get back to the bakery and start tomorrow’s bread.”

She hugged Anna Mae and whispered in her ear, “Don’t make any rash decisions today.” Then she waved, leaving the two of them sitting silently.

* * *

Without Emily Jane’s presence, Josiah suddenly felt tongue-tied. How did one propose a marriage of convenience? He didn’t want Anna Mae leaving Granite. She seemed to sincerely care about his daughters and they needed a mother. Josiah knew deep down, though, that she’d never capture his heart the way Mary had. It was impossible that any woman would truly take her place. Because he felt so sure of this, Anna Mae would never be a true wife to him. However, for the girls’ sake, and to save Anna Mae’s reputation, he had to ask her to marry him. He might as well jump in with both feet. As casually as he could, he said, “You don’t have to leave, you know.”

She looked at him over her coffee cup. Clear brown eyes rimmed with pink puffiness regarded him curiously. He could tell she’d been crying earlier, and an emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time swept through him. He wanted to take away all her pain and embarrassment.

Her sigh tore at him. “Yes, I do. I don’t want my friends feeling sorry for me, and I can’t face the shame of having to impose on them for my livelihood.”

Josiah knew that feeling. Maybe not for his means of support, but didn’t he have to impose on others to watch his children so he could work? It felt like the same thing. Maybe he could convince her that he knew the feeling, and that if she’d permit it he’d make certain neither of them would feel that way again. But even a small-town sheriff like himself knew this was a delicate situation and should be handled with care.

He reconsidered that tack. One wrong word or move and he could push her in the opposite direction. “Maybe you don’t have to impose on your friends for your livelihood.” He said the words tentatively, as if testing the idea.

“I know I don’t. And I won’t. That’s why I’m leaving. My room is paid here until the first of November. Emily Jane asked me not to make any rash decisions, so I suppose I’ll stay until then. Hopefully, by the first I will know where I’m going and what I must do when I get there. I’ll simply have to endure the gossip until I leave.” She set her cup on the table and squared her shoulders. Determination tightened her jawline.

He admired her fortitude. It would serve her well in the days ahead. But right now he didn’t need her stubborn and unwilling; he wanted to be her knight in shining armor and rescue her from distress. He breathed a plea heavenward. Lord, a little help here, please. Can You make her receptive and sensible?

Half in anticipation, half in dread, Josiah pushed his plate back and reached for her hands. “What I mean, sweet Annie, is that maybe we can help each other.”

Her fingers shook against his palm so he tightened his grip. “How?” Confusion laced her pretty features as she held his gaze.

“You could marry me,” he blurted, scarcely aware of his own voice.

Anna Mae snatched her hands back and shook her head. “What did you say?” She pushed stray tendrils of hair away from her cheek.

Josiah felt a curious, swooping pull inside him, surprising him to stillness. Why had he never noticed how incredibly beautiful Annie was? Her features were dainty, her wrists small and her waist curving and regal.

He forced himself to focus on the statement he’d just made. All right, it probably wasn’t the best proposal she’d ever heard. She must think him an insensitive clod. Josiah cleared his throat and tried again. “We could get married. I need someone to take care of the girls, and you wouldn’t have to find another job or leave.” To his annoyance he felt heat climb up his neck and into his face. His aggravation increased when he noticed his hands were shaking. What was wrong with him? This was how a man in love acted; and he certainly wasn’t in love. He made a gesture with his right hand. “This is not how I rehearsed this in my head on the way over here.”

She leaned closer and whispered, “You want to marry me so you’ll have a babysitter for the girls?”

He ran a hand behind his neck and rubbed. “Well, yes, but it would benefit you, too.”

Anna Mae crossed her arms over her chest once more. “Explain to me how that would work exactly?” At his puzzled look, she pressed on. “How marrying you and taking care of the girls will help me?”

“You wouldn’t have to leave your friends.”

She laughed bitterly and wagged the tip of her finger at him. “Believe it or not, I am capable of making new friends, Sheriff.”

He dropped his head and stared at the checkered tablecloth. “I’m sorry. This isn’t coming out right.” Josiah sighed heavily, and without looking up at her, he continued. “All I’m proposing is a marriage of convenience. It wouldn’t be a real marriage.” He lowered his voice as she had done. “I don’t expect us to share a bedroom, only the responsibilities of the children, the farm and the house.”

How could he explain to her that he only wanted to help? He’d been partially responsible for her job loss and the town thinking they’d been intimate. He just wanted to make up for that. Maybe this had been a bad idea. She was right. How would marrying him help her face the women in town who were probably gossiping over their luncheons right now? Still, he gave an impatient shrug. The idea had merit and he’d be foolish not to realize how much it would benefit him. Lord, if You’re of a mind to, I could use that help right about now.

Her soft hand covered his and he looked up quickly, so surprised his mouth dropped open. He merely stared, tongue-tied. Tears filled the beautiful milk-chocolate orbs regarding him with tenderness. Her voice, when she spoke, still held a touch of hoarseness. “I know you’re trying to help me, and what you said is right; the girls do need someone to take care of them. In a real sense, it’s a lovely suggestion. As my grandmother used to say, it would kill two birds with one stone.”

Josiah watched as she fought some inner battle before speaking again. What an honorable woman she was. Even in distress, she managed to consider the feelings of others. She was three times a lady compared to her accusers.

“I can’t give you my answer right now, Josiah, but I’ll pray about it.” She lifted her hand from his and stood up. She touched his shoulder briefly. “Thank you.”

She walked away with stiff dignity, the long skirt of her dress swaying gently. She paused just inside the door and looked back at him. For a moment she studied him intently and then she was gone.

She’d said thank you? What on earth did that mean? He hadn’t done anything that she had to be thankful for. Had she been referring to him nursing her while she was sick? For proposing marriage to her? What? He gritted his teeth and barely suppressed a groan of frustration.

If he lived to be a hundred, he’d never understand women. And why, Lord, didn’t You give me a more elegant way of speaking and expressing myself? One thing was for certain; Josiah hadn’t the foggiest idea what Anna Mae’s answer would be, nor when she’d tell him.

Chapter Six

Anna Mae took one more look at her reflection in the mirror, then gathered her Bible and shawl in preparation for church. Today, sink, swim or drown, she’d face the gossipmongers and learn if her friends were true or not.

Almost a week had passed since Josiah’s proposal. She’d cowered in her room as much as possible, coming down for meals only after everyone else had left.

Miserable without the twins, she’d worried over Rose. Had Josiah remembered to administer the sweet oil twice a day? Were the girls wondering where she was? Did they cry for her at night? She’d shared their bedroom, many nights placing them in bed with her if they seemed distressed after she diapered them. Their mother had died when they were just babies, then their uncle and Emily Jane had cared for them. Finally their daddy had shown up and taken them. At least with Anna Mae at the farm they’d had the sense of stability of a mother for a brief few days.

Needless to say, the twins needed her, and she needed them. They filled a void she hadn’t recognized she had. That still small voice she’d grown to recognize as the Lord’s asked if she could just walk away from them.

Her friends, Emily Jane and Susanna had visited her. She’d shared Josiah’s proposal with them, purposefully leaving out the marriage-of-convenience part. They’d both been thrilled that he’d offered marriage and that she would be staying if she accepted his proposal.

When she finally wrapped her mind around that Josiah was offering “a marriage of convenience only,” she found it lacking to say the least. Josiah was another man who didn’t see her as a true wife. What was wrong with her? Did men see something she didn’t? Why couldn’t someone love her?

She arrived late at the church but still beat Josiah and the girls there by mere seconds. Josiah pulled the wagon to a stop at the boardwalk. The twins spotted her and both scrambled to get out of the box in the back. Anna Mae could no more stop herself from reaching for them than she could stop breathing. They fell over the side into her arms, causing her Bible to fall to the ground. Both chattered a mile a minute, though most of their words were unintelligible.

“Girls, girls. Calm down,” Josiah chided, but his eyes were lit with laughter and he seemed as pleased to see her as the twins. He recovered her Bible and reached for Rose. She fussed but finally released her hold on Anna Mae.

“Shall we go in?” he asked.

A wave of anxiety swept through her. “Maybe you should go first and I will sit near the back.” She started to hand Ruby over, but two little hands pressed against Anna Mae’s cheeks and Ruby’s lips quivered. “Ruby go you.” The little head shook up and down positively, a question in the depths of her eyes.

Anna Mae placed her forehead against the little girl’s. To turn this baby away could possibly relay that she wasn’t loved enough, that she somehow lacked the ability to be loved. Anna Mae knew all about those feelings. No way would she ever make this child feel unloved or unimportant. “We’ll all go together.” Bolstering her courage, she shifted Ruby to her side and walked up the church steps.

Josiah rushed ahead and pulled the door open. Anna Mae was happy to see that no one else waited on the steps or in the entryway as they entered. She slipped into the back pew and made room for Josiah and Rose. The piano began playing the moment they were seated. She breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that no one would be able to speak openly to her or about her until after the service.

When it was finished, Anna Mae hurriedly gathered her things. Please, Lord, don’t let anyone speak to me. Just this once, please, can I be selfish and make it out of here without embarrassment? Please, Lord? Just this once?

It seemed as if the Lord had too many people at that moment to listen to because Mrs. Harvey, a sweet older woman, immediately turned in her seat. “Anna Mae, I am so glad to see you this morning. I’d heard you were sick. Are you feeling better now?”

Anna Mae smiled at her. “Much better, thank you.”

The woman motioned for her to sit back down. She did and then Mrs. Harvey leaned against the pew and whispered, “You won’t have any more trouble from Thelma. I told her that if she breathed one word as to why you chose to quit teaching, I’d tell some of her secrets.” The sweet woman chuckled. “Don’t expect to hear her ever speak of it again.” She patted Anna Mae’s hand.