The Twins' Family Wish

The truth was Rick was barely managing to juggle all the balls in his life. He spent his day moving from worksite to worksite, always dreading that he might mess up something important and make things worse. And while he kept that tucked inside, he also fought his growing fears that he’d fail to live up to what his sister wanted, that he wouldn’t be there when the twins needed him, that the twins would suffer because of him.

Suddenly the weight of it all multiplied, stretching his nerves taut until he blurted, “I can’t make up for it.”

“For what?” Penny frowned, which puckered her smooth brow. She leaned forward to peer into his face. “What are you trying to make up for, Rick?”

He held his breath, waiting, hoping she’d let him off the hook, wouldn’t force him to answer. He hadn’t said this to anyone else, especially not his parents, certainly not his clients, not even to Tanner even though he was a good friend.

But Penny waited, her question hanging, begging an answer.

“Never mind.” He took another cookie and chewed it so he couldn’t say any more.

“I can tell that whatever has you feeling guilty is wearing you down,” she guessed, her head tipped slightly to one side. “You need to let it go.”

“It’s not that easy.” Oh, how he wished it was.

“Of course it isn’t easy. The important things never are.” Penny tilted her head to one side as she studied him. “I’m guessing your guilt has to do with your sister’s death.”

Rick remained silent while wishing he’d never brought up the subject.

“Guilt will drain you, sap your energy and change your focus. You can’t dwell on it.” Her soft voice was like a balm, soft and soothing.

“I can’t help it.” Rick raked a hand through his hair feeling as helpless as a kitten to battle the negatives that plagued him.

“But you have to for the twins’ sake. They need your full attention. So does your work.” Though Penny’s tone remained mild she didn’t mince words. “There’s no room for guilt.”

What would she say if she knew why he felt guilty, Rick wondered? Would she walk away? Would she refuse to have anything to do with him or the twins? Would she blame him?

More to the point, why did Penny’s good opinion of him matter so much?

“Talk to me, Rick,” she murmured.

“I tried to get Gillian out.” It was like a dam breaking and once started, he couldn’t stop. “I managed to fight through the flames to the twins’ bedroom and carry them out of the house but when I went back in I couldn’t find Gillian. The smoke was so thick you couldn’t breathe. But I kept going anyway. I couldn’t leave her there, alone.”

“Of course you couldn’t. And then?” she nudged.

“Then a burning timber fell on me and—I don’t remember much more.” Except the pain. He remembered that very clearly. In fact, the horror of those moments haunted him almost every night.

“It’s over, Rick.” Penny’s soft reassurance penetrated his thoughts. “Gillian doesn’t blame you.”

“Doesn’t she?” She should. He’d made her children orphans.

“Gillian knows that God is in control, that He will love and care for the twins better than she ever could. And she knows there was a reason for her death.” Penny sounded so confident.

Rick wanted to believe her, to trust that Gillian would absolve him for his failure to save her. But even if she could, he couldn’t. There was no forgiveness for letting his sister die.

“I can’t accept that.”

From Penny’s silence and her bent head, Rick figured he’d shocked her. He rose with a silent sigh. The constant guilt he lived with every time he glanced at the twins or heard his sister’s name was his punishment and he didn’t begrudge it. He deserved it. But for the twins’ sake he needed to keep caring for them. He didn’t need more problems so why didn’t God—?

“I’m sorry, Penny. I shouldn’t have dumped all over you. If you can show me where the car seats are, I’ll get going.” Rick no longer wanted to share his aching, wretched soul, especially not with this woman, who seemed so smart and cool with her world put nicely together. “Thank you for today. We appreciate it.”

Penny said nothing as she rose. She silently led him to the garage to get the two car seats from her car and carried one out to his truck. Then she led the way inside the house to her spare room, where the twins lay curled under a lovely turquoise afghan.

“I’ll take Katie, you take Kyle,” she whispered and tenderly lifted the little girl.

Rick followed, cradling Kyle. When the twins were safely belted in his truck, he thanked her once more.

“You went above and beyond for us. Katie’s short hair looks really cute. Thank you.” He handed her some bills. “I appreciate everything you’ve done.”

“So when will you bring them tomorrow?” she asked before he could swing into his truck’s driver’s seat.

“When—?” Surprised, Rick frowned at her. After his pathetic confession he’d been certain her help was a onetime thing.

“Yes. When?” She arched one perfect eyebrow. “I like to be prepared.”

“You’re involved in getting Wranglers Ranch Day Care up and running. That’s a lot of work. I appreciate your help today,” he continued, “but I’m sure you don’t want to spend your free time watching my kids, though it’s very kind of you to offer.”

Penny studied him as if she couldn’t quite decide whether or not to tell him what she was thinking. After a moment she nodded.

“I told you, I love kids, Rick. All kids. Every chance I get to enjoy them is a blessing. That’s why I became a teacher.” He couldn’t get over how that gorgeous smile of hers lit up her entire face. “It’s true. I am helping Sophie organize the daycare. But I’m able to do that and care for the twins, if you’ll allow me. The decision is yours.”

Her generosity floored him. He wanted to accept so badly. It would be so nice to have help with the twins, just for a while.

“However, I have one condition,” Penny added very softly, her gaze fixed on him with an intensity that was hard to ignore.

“What’s that?” Why was he suddenly filled with uncertainty? Rick wondered.

“My condition is that you don’t talk about guilt over Gillian’s death when the twins can overhear.” Her expression grew serious. “I know her loss is something you have to work out for yourself and that you’re struggling with her death. I’d love to listen to your memories of Gillian. But guilt carries negativity and I don’t want that to touch the twins and maybe somehow spoil their memories of their mother.”

“Makes sense.” Rick thought about it for several minutes. “Okay but are you sure you can handle them and the daycare and whatever else is on your plate?”

“Yes.” Penny nodded, her confidence unshakable. “You can trust me.”

Funny but somehow he already knew that. His heart felt light as he asked, “Is seven thirty too early?”

“No.” Penny chuckled and shook her head, the strands of her moonlight-kissed hair moving in the evening breeze. “I’m usually up at five thirty so I’ll have breakfast ready for all of you.”

Breakfast, too? Meeting Penny was a godsend. Anticipation fluttered to life as he hoped she wasn’t talking about cereal. “Thank you very much but you don’t have to make us breakfast. We usually have toast and peanut butter.”

“Tomorrow morning we’ll have something different. And it’s me who should thank you for adding some fun to my summer.” The sincerity in her response could not be faked. “I truly enjoyed today with the twins. Good night, Rick.”

“Good night, Penny.”

As he drove away, he couldn’t expunge the memory of that joyful glow in her eyes. Unlike his former fiancée, Penny wanted the twins, total strangers, in her life. She was excited by the prospect. He barely knew her and yet Rick could see that Penny had what his mom called “a spirit of giving.” She’d certainly made his life easier.

A flicker of interest flamed inside. Underneath that fantastic smile, who was Penny Stern and why didn’t she have her own kids?

If she kept on caring for the twins maybe he’d be able to figure that out.

“Thanks, God.” Rick’s heart overflowed with joy and relief and thanksgiving as he drove home.

Just for tonight he was going to forget about tomorrow and the day after, forget the ranch chores that needed doing and the responsibilities to his parents, to the twins and to the company that felt heavier each time he woke up.

Just for tonight he was going to relax and enjoy the gift of a blessing named Penny.

* * *

“Thanks a lot for letting the twins visit with your kids for a while.” Penny savored the aroma of cinnamon as she stepped inside Sophie’s kitchen. “I managed to get through all the interviews you asked me to complete.”

“So you found a director for the daycare?” Sophie asked eagerly.

“Well, no. But Tanner approved my other staff selections though we’ll wait for the police checks before offering employment.” She accepted the large glass of iced tea and a plate bearing two fluffy golden pastries. “What do you call these?”

“Cinnamon twists. The youth group from church is coming out tonight. I thought those would go well with their campfire.” Sophie exchanged pans in the oven then sat down. “Finding a director for our daycare seems to be problematic.”

“There weren’t a lot of applications for that position in the first place.” Penny bit into the pastry and rolled her eyes. “Every time I come to Wranglers you feed me. If this keeps up I’m going to gain a lot of weight.”

“Not with your schedule. The twins said you made them a full breakfast—really early to quote Katie. And sent a lunch with Rick.” A funny smile played across Sophie’s lips.

“I roasted a chicken last night. There was so much meat left that sharing it seemed smart.” Penny sipped her coffee to avoid Sophie’s knowing look. “I think Rick missed both lunch and supper yesterday. I thought that if he had a sandwich today, he could eat at the site without stopping to get a bite. Did the twins tell you we also packed a picnic?”

“Uh-huh. And watered the flowers, put out the garbage, went to the park and played catch,” she said, chuckling as she ticked off each item on her fingertips. “By the time they get home tonight they’ll fall into bed.”

“That’s the plan.” Penny felt like she had to say something to erase that meaningful look on Sophie’s face. “I haven’t spent much time with kids outside my classroom so I’m really enjoying my interactions with the twins.”

“And with Rick?” Sophie arched an eyebrow.

“I think he might become a good friend.” Penny could see this friend wasn’t going to accept that. “I’m not looking for anything more, Sophie. Our Bible study is teaching me that I have to live my life strong, depending on God. I have to be content with who I am as God’s child and not count on other things or people to make me happy.”

“Meaning no men in your life?” Sophie asked with a frown. “And no children?”

“I’m beginning to believe that not having a family is His will,” Penny admitted. Please don’t ask that of me, God.

“But you’re so good with kids. You could adopt,” Sophie suggested.

“I could. But is being raised by a single mom the best choice for a child? Could I handle it? Is that God’s plan for me?” Penny sighed.

“Why a single mom? Don’t you want to get married?” Sophie said with a frown.

“If that’s God’s plan. But I refuse to get fixated on some unattainable fairy tale of happily-ever-after.”

“I’m a living testament that happily-ever-after happens.” Her friend grinned as the door opened. “And here’s my hero now. Hi, honey.”

Tanner and Rick entered the kitchen.

“We’re looking for a drink and something to eat in a cool place,” Tanner explained after he’d kissed his wife’s cheek. “We’re starving.”

“Tell me something I haven’t heard before.” Sophie set a pitcher of iced tea and a platter of baked goods on the table. “This should help.”

“I didn’t think you’d be working here today. I thought you said something about a foundation this morning.” As Rick munched his pastry Penny thought how handsome he was then idly wondered why he hadn’t had plastic surgery to repair the scar on his face.

“We went as far as we could on that job so I brought the crew over to Wranglers Ranch to work on the foundation for the second cabin. I’ve got to meet my deadline of finishing all of them on time or Tanner will give me grief.” He pretended to wince at Tanner’s nod then glanced around. “I can hear the twins but I can’t see them.”

“They’re playing in the back room.” Sophie smiled. “It’s too hot for them to do much outside, but they enjoy racing around in here where it’s cool.”

“Wish I was a kid.” Rick sipped more of his tea.

“Penny, I was thinking about those applicants we interviewed,” Tanner mused. “And that we still don’t have anyone to act as our daycare manager. Do you think we should run another ad?”

“Actually, I was going to suggest it.” Penny frowned. “The daycare can’t open without someone who’s in charge.”

“You’d be amazing at that job.” Rick smiled at her start of surprise. “I know. You already have a career you love. I was just thinking about how good you are with the twins and I got this mental image of you with a whole bunch of kids around you and...it’s silly.” He gulped then concentrated on his glass of tea. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Rick, because it’s not silly at all.” Sophie sat up straight, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Penny would be perfect. She’s already designed a program for us. She certainly has knowledge and experience and she’s also chosen all of our staff—well, except for the manager.”

She flopped back against her chair, her excitement waning as her husband reminded, “Honey, Penny already has a job.”

“Well, yeah. There’s that.” Sophie’s sigh made Penny laugh.

“Don’t worry. We’ll find a manager,” she said more confidently than she felt.

“In time for our July first opening?” Sophie wondered aloud.

“I hope so.” Penny smiled brightly. “We’ll ask God to send someone.”

Rick’s brown eyes rested on her appraisingly. “Maybe He already did.”

Penny lifted her head to frown at him, slightly unnerved when he winked at her. He finished his tea then rose.

“I’ve got to get back to work. That was delicious. Thank you,” he said to Sophie. His gaze returned to Penny. “I’ll pick up the kids later.”

“Uh-huh.” The response was automatic. As Penny watched him stride out the door and across the yard she wondered why he’d said what he had about her as manager.

“I need to prepare for that youth group that’s coming tonight.” Tanner kissed Sophie, waved a hand at Penny then brushed his knuckles against baby Carter’s cheek, who responded with kicks and gurgles in his playpen. “Be a good boy for Mommy.”

He left while Penny was lost in thought. She’d come to Tucson a little over a year ago to make a new start. Was it silly to think about changing her career focus, too?

The question preoccupied her for the rest of the day.

I could do it, she thought to herself later that night after the twins had left with Rick. But should I?

She sat in her garden with a cup of peppermint tea while one by one her brain listed the potential benefits of running the daycare. In spite of her determination to remain unemotional, excitement built as the idea grew.

I haven’t signed my new contract with the school district yet so there wouldn’t be a penalty for breaking it.

I could be around younger kids, maybe even babies like Sophie’s Carter.

I could set my own curriculum, teach the things so many of my kindergarten kids had never learned like kindness and sharing, generosity and forgiveness. I could use Bible stories to give them a basic knowledge of God.

I’d see Rick every day while he’s working at the ranch.

Penny resolutely squashed the last thought and brought her focus back to job possibilities.

Wranglers Ranch was all about reaching kids for God through many outreach programs, most using some form of horsemanship. Tanner and Sophie had made it a place where kids could come, feel safe and be heard. Why couldn’t she be part of that by helping to reach the very youngest kids in a way that teaching in a public school could never allow?

The more Penny thought about it, the more attractive the idea became.

But was this what God wanted for her? How could she know for sure?

“I’ll post another ad for the daycare manager,” she murmured, staring up at the starry heavens. “Then if You send someone better suited for the job, I’ll know it’s not Your will for me.”

But oh, how she wanted it. Pouring herself into kids’ lives, spending as many hours as she wanted with them at Wranglers Ranch, unlike at school when the kids went home to their families midafternoon or took three months off for holidays and left her with an empty classroom—surely running the daycare meant she’d never be alone again unless she wanted to be. Kind of like Rick wasn’t alone.

Now why did her thoughts keep drifting back to him?

Chapter Four

“You resigned your teaching job?” Three days later Rick sagged against the door frame at Wranglers Ranch Day Care as he stared at Penny in disbelief. “Was that wise?”

“Why? You don’t think I’m capable of running a daycare?” The defensiveness coloring her voice sent him backtracking.

“You could probably do it with one hand tied. That’s not—it’s just—” He stopped, winced, licked his lips and started over. “Congratulations. I’m sure you’ll be very happy here.”

“Yes, I will be.” Penny’s effervescent smile flashed, igniting a glint of excitement in her already joyous expression. “I have so many plans.”

“Plans you couldn’t carry out as a teacher?” he guessed and knew it was true from the way she peeked at him through her lashes while slowly nodding.

“A public school has restrictions on what teachers can do in the classroom and that’s understandable. But Wranglers Ranch is a Christian outreach ministry to kids so it’s different here.” Her whole face came alive as she spoke. “I believe a daycare that has the same faith and purpose as the rest of the ranch will be a marvelous complement.”

“But what about your summer, your holidays?” Rick couldn’t fathom why she’d suddenly decided to give up her career.

“Too many holidays are boring. I like to keep busy.” Penny’s face evidenced no worries. In fact, her enthusiasm communicated itself without words. “This job is my dream. It will be a rush to make Sophie’s July first deadline, but we’ll do it.”

“I’m sure you will, but you can’t care for the twins with all you have to do here.” Rick made the comment while fervently hoping and praying she’d reject it.

He’d been able to accomplish so much work in the past week, far more than at any time since the twins had taken over his life. He’d even had energy to ride bikes with the twins in the evening, to take them for a picnic on the weekend, to laugh and tease over dinner instead of rushing to accomplish everything before bedtime. Katie and Kyle also seemed more relaxed, happier now that the routine of seeing Penny every day was established.

“I guess I better start looking for someone else to be with the twins,” he said.

“Why?” Penny demanded, staring at him intensely. “With you working at Wranglers, once the daycare’s open, they could attend here. Wouldn’t their transition to here and then school be easier on everyone if they continued with me?”

Rick sagged with relief. He’d tied himself up in knots wondering if Penny had only taken on care of the twins out of a sense of duty to Sophie. Judging by the kids’ excitement when he’d picked them up each day, he knew they enjoyed being with her. So now seeing Penny’s obvious discontent at the prospect of not caring for them confirmed his hunch that she enjoyed their company and wasn’t doing this out of a sense of duty.

“Why would you even think that?” she asked, a hurt tone in her voice.

“I’m thinking of you, Penny,” Rick said mildly, hating that he might have hurt her. “I don’t want the twins to wear you out before Wranglers Ranch Day Care even opens its doors.”

“You, Tanner, Sophie. You’re all so worried about me. You must think I’m a doddering old maid. I won’t be twenty-eight until August, you know,” she protested as red spots appeared on her cheeks.

“Trust me, Penny. When I think of you, I do not think of a doddering old maid.”

Wasn’t that the truth? And the fact that Rick did think of her, a lot, was something he was going to have to correct. His focus needed to remain on the twins and on making the three of them into a family. He couldn’t afford to get sidetracked by the pretty woman standing in front of him, no matter how special she was.

“Good to know.” Penny grinned cheekily then arched an eyebrow. “So?”

“It’s a deal. Katie and Kyle will stay with you,” Rick said in a firm tone. “After all, I don’t want to—” He paused. Winced.

“Don’t want to—?” she prodded.

“I was going to say look a gift horse in the mouth.” He peered at her worriedly. “You don’t think I’m calling you a horse, do you?”

Penny’s hoot of laughter brought the twins running to see what was so funny.

“You came too early, Uncle Rick.” Kyle’s face wore a fierce frown.

“You don’t want to go home with me?” Rick tried to hide his hurt. Obviously he wasn’t doing his best at parenting if the kids preferred Penny to him and returning to his un-homey ranch.

“We can’t go home till after the bar-cue,” Katie explained. “Aunt Sophie ’vited us, ’member?”

“Um—” Confused, Rick looked to Penny to explain.

“That’s barbecue, Katie.” She lifted her gaze to him. “Sophie invited all Wranglers staff including the kids of our soon-to-be daycare clients to a barbecue this evening. I think she texted you about it.” Penny ruffled Kyle’s hair, smiled when Katie reached to grasp her hand then glanced at Rick. “You’ll come, won’t you?”

“I guess, though I’m not exactly dressed for partying.” Rick glanced down at his dusty jeans. “But I am in the mood to celebrate. I finished a job today. The house will be cleaned tonight and the family can move in tomorrow.” Satisfaction created a bubble of energy inside him. “Now I’ll have two permanent crews building the cabins here. I’m pretty hopeful that we will finish on time.”

Then the bubble burst. Finishing the cabins by his deadline meant leaving Wranglers Ranch, and that meant he’d have to find another caregiver for the twins.

“It must feel wonderful to create a home and so gratifying to know a family will benefit from your work.” Penny’s generous smile held no undertone but in his mind Rick heard a tiny voice ask, Like Gillian benefitted from the house you built for her?

“Yes, it does feel good,” he agreed and pushed away the heaviness of guilt.

“So, we’re about ready to head over to the patio now. Coming?” Penny waited for his nod, her eyes as bright as the blue cotton sundress she wore. Its full skirt was splashed with the vivid colors of hibiscus flowers. The wind tugged at those flowers, making the skirt swirl around her legs as she walked beside him. The twins raced ahead then ran back to urge Penny and Rick to hurry.

“We’re coming,” Penny assured them. When they were gone again she addressed him in a lowered tone. “Earlier we were talking about barbecues and I noticed they seem to have memories of outdoor cooking, but they talk as if that was over an open fire. They said it wasn’t a wiener roast.” Her manner was inquisitive.

“Gillian and her husband were missionaries in a very remote village in Africa,” he explained. “The twins were born there and played with the other children. I don’t think they ever thought they were any different than the other kids. When Gill first moved back after her husband was killed, she used to joke about having to get used to cooking on a stove again. So my guess is that she prepared a lot of their meals over what we’d call campfires.”

“Missionaries. What a life they must have lived.” Penny remained silent for the rest of the way, obviously deep in thought.