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‘And you are the person who can provide the best surgical care,’ he responded. ‘She deserves that, too.’ He closed his eyes in a slow blink and then met her gaze again. ‘So what is it that you are suggesting?’
‘That we talk. Not here,’ she added quickly. ‘Somewhere more...’ She cleared her throat. ‘Somewhere else.’
Had she been going to suggest somewhere more private? Like the house they’d lived in with Gwen that Rebecca had refused to sell?
He couldn’t do that. What if she still had all those pictures on the walls? That old basket with the toys in it, even?
‘I’m going for a walk after work,’ Rebecca said quietly. ‘Through Regent’s Park and over to Primrose Hill. It’s a gorgeous day. Why don’t you come with me?’
A walk. In a public place. Enough space that nobody would be able to overhear anything that might be said and the ability to walk away if it proved impossible to find common ground without this horrible tension.
Except they had to find that common ground, didn’t they, if they were going to work together?
If they couldn’t, Thomas would have to add a failure to remain professional to the list of his other shortcomings and this one wouldn’t be private—it would be fodder for gossip and damaging for both their careers.
And his career was all he had left now.
‘Fine.’ He nodded. ‘Page me when you’re done for the day. I’ll be here.’
* * *
Out of one meeting and straight into another.
Rebecca only had time to duck into her office and grab a folder from her desk before heading down to the coffee shop on the ground floor where the committee members in charge of organising the Teddy Bears’ Picnic would be waiting for her.
The countdown was on for the annual event that Rebecca had been instrumental in setting up four years ago and this one promised to be the biggest and best yet.
The committee president, a mother of a child with cystic fibrosis who had received a double lung transplant six years ago, waved excitedly at Rebecca and she weaved her way through the busy café opposite the pharmacy on the ground floor.
‘We had to start without you, I’m afraid.’
‘No problem, Janice. I’m so sorry I’m late.’ It seemed to be becoming the theme of her day today, but at least she didn’t have anyone glaring at her. Janice was beaming, in fact.
‘I’ve got such good news. Your suggestion to contact the president of the World Transplant Games Federation really paid off. We’re going to have trouble choosing which inspirational speakers we want the most.’
‘Oh? That’s fantastic.’ Rebecca smiled up at the young waitress taking orders. ‘I’ll have a flat white, please. And one of your gorgeous savoury muffins.’ The way her day was shaping up, it was highly likely to be the only lunch she would get.
‘We’ve got an offer from a man called Jeremy Gibson. He got a liver transplant when he was in his early thirties and had three young children. He’s competed in the games for four years now and, last year, he led a sponsored hike in the Himalayas to raise awareness for organ donation and advertise how successful it can be.’
Rebecca nodded but she wasn’t quite focused on this new meeting yet. The way Thomas had looked at her—after he’d asked if she wanted to call in a new cardiologist for Penny’s case...
The tension had still been there. That undercurrent of anger that she knew had been caused by her telling him that he always ran away was still there. But there’d been something else, as well. A sadness that had made her want to walk around the edge of that table and simply put her arms around him.
To tell him how sorry she was.
For everything.
That was a bit of a shock, all by itself. She was over the breakup of her marriage.
She was over Thomas.
Who, in their right mind, would choose to be with someone who simply wasn’t there when the going got too rough?
‘And then there’s Helena Adams,’ Janice continued. ‘A double lung recipient who’s a champion skier and...’ She consulted a notepad on the table in front of her. ‘And Connor O’Brien—a young heart transplant recipient who ran in the London Marathon last year.’
‘They all sound amazing,’ Rebecca said.
‘Maybe they could all come,’ their treasurer suggested. ‘They don’t all have to speak. They could just mingle and join in some of the fun and chat to parents and kids. And the press, of course. We’re going to get way more coverage this year, what with the threat to Paddington’s already getting so much publicity.’
‘We’ve got three television crews coming,’ the secretary added. ‘We’re going international, apparently.’ She fanned her face. ‘This is all getting so much bigger than we ever thought it would.’
‘Okay.’ Janice’s deep breath was audible. ‘Let’s get on with everything on the agenda. We’ve got a lot to get through. Has the bouncy castle been booked?’
‘Yes. It’s huge. And it’s got turrets and everything. I’ve got a picture here...’
‘Oh, it’s perfect,’ someone said. ‘And how appropriate, given that Paddington’s nickname is “the Castle”?’
An old redbrick Victorian building, Paddington Children’s Hospital did indeed have its own turrets—the largest of which was a distinctive slate-roofed dome that loomed above the reception area of the main entrance.
‘What’s more important is to decide where it’s going to go. I’m not sure the layout worked as well as it could last year and we’ve got so many extra things this time. The zoo has offered to organise and run pony rides.’ Janice looked around the table. ‘I know the London Zoo is one of our biggest sponsors and that’s why we go over the road to Primrose Hill but is it going to be big enough? Do we need to consider a shift to part of Regent’s Park?’
‘I’m going to go there this evening,’ Rebecca told them. ‘I’ll take the draft plan for the layout with me and walk it out but I think it’ll be fine. We had tons of extra space last year and it was lovely to be on top of the hill and see everything that was going on. Some of the photos were fabulous, weren’t they?’
She caught her lip between her teeth, her thoughts wandering again as the other committee members reminisced about last year’s success. Should she have told Thomas the reason she was planning that walk in the park after work today?
No. If he’d known it had anything to do with the children and families of both donors and recipients of transplanted organs, he would have run a mile.
They really needed to talk if they were going to be able to work together and he didn’t need to know the real reason she was there, did he? It was summer and the evenings were long. She could always stay later than him and sit on the top of the hill with the plan in her hands and make any notes she needed for changes.
It was important that they spent this time together. Before things got any more difficult between them.
And she was looking forward to it. Kind of. In a purely professional sense, of course. She’d feel better when she’d had the chance to apologise for that verbal attack. Thomas hadn’t deserved that. She knew he was doing his best in the only way he knew how. That he had probably been doing that all along. It was just so sad that he couldn’t see that he’d chosen such a wrong path.
That he, above everybody else, was suffering more because of it.
In retrospect, however, there was another reason why inviting Thomas to share this walk might have been a bad idea. It hadn’t occurred to her at the time that a walk up Primrose Hill was an echo of their very first date.
Maybe he wouldn’t remember. It wouldn’t matter if he did. Just breathing the same air as Thomas was an echo of so very many things and, somehow, they had to find a way to deal with that.
CHAPTER THREE
THE WARMTH OF the summer’s evening did not seem to be doing much to thaw the chill that surrounded Thomas and Rebecca like an air-conditioned bubble.
The virtual silence for the brisk walk to Regent’s Park had been largely disguised by the sounds of the busy city streets but it became increasingly obvious as they followed a path into the vast stretch of green space.
‘Thanks for agreeing to come,’ Rebecca offered, finally.
‘As you said, we need to find a way we can work together. Without letting our personal baggage interfere in any way with patient care.’
It sounded as though Thomas had rehearsed that little speech. Maybe it had been something he’d said to himself more than once today. Because he’d been arguing with himself about whether or not he could bear to spend any time with her?
Rebecca took a deep breath and did her best not to let it out as a sigh. He was here, walking beside her, so that was a good start. Maybe it was too soon to open the can of worms that was their ‘personal baggage.’ If Thomas could actually relax a fraction, it could make this a whole lot easier. And who wouldn’t relax on a walk like this?
The boat lake beside them was a popular place to be on such a warm, sunny evening. It was crowded with boats—classic wooden rowing boats and the bright blue and yellow paddle boats. The grassy banks were dotted with the rugs and folding chairs of groups of families and friends who were preparing for a picnic meal. There were dogs chasing balls and children playing games on the shore of the lake.
And there were ducks.
Of course there were ducks. How many times had she and Thomas come here with Gwen on those precious days when she wasn’t with her caregiver or at nursery school? They’d started bringing her here to feed the ducks way before she was old enough to walk or throw a crust of bread.
Not that she was about to remind Thomas of those times. Or admit that she still automatically put crusts of bread into a bag in the freezer until it was so full it would remind her that she never had the time or motivation to feed ducks any more. No one seeing them would ever guess at the kind of shared history they had. They would see the tall man with his briefcase in his hand and his companion with the strap of her laptop case over her shoulder and assume that they were work colleagues who happened to be sharing a walk home at the end of their day.
Exactly the space they were in, thanks to the boundaries that had been put firmly in place from the moment Thomas had set foot in Paddington’s again.
Except that Thomas was smiling. Almost. He had his hand up to shield his eyes as he took in the scene of the boating activity on the lake and his lips were definitely not in a straight line.
His breath came out in an audible huff that could have been suppressed laughter.
‘Nobody’s swimming today,’ he murmured.
It wasn’t a lake that anybody swam in. Unless they were unfortunate enough to fall out of a boat, of course.
Like she had that day...
Good grief. She had deliberately avoided opening that can of worms labelled ‘shared memories’ but Thomas hadn’t even hesitated.
Okay, it was funny in retrospect but it hadn’t been at the time. Thomas had been inspired by the romantic image of a date that involved rowing his girlfriend around a pretty lake and Rebecca had been dressed for the occasion in a floaty summer dress and a wide-brimmed straw sunhat.
It had been a gloriously sunny day but there’d been a decent breeze. Enough to catch her hat and send it sailing away to float on the water. Thomas had done his best to row close enough for her to lean out of the boat and retrieve the hat but he hadn’t been quite close enough. And she’d leaned just a little too far.
The water had been shallow enough to stand up in but she’d been completely soaked and the filmy dress had been clinging to her body and transparent enough to make her underwear obvious. The shock of the dunking had given way to helpless laughter and then to something very different when she’d seen the look in Thomas’s eyes. Getting out of those wet clothes and into a hot bath hadn’t been the real reason they couldn’t get home fast enough.
And now, with Thomas pulling that memory out to share, Rebecca had the sensation that shutters had been lifted. There was a glint in his eyes that made her feel as if she’d stepped back in time.
As if everything they’d had together was still there—just waiting to have life breathed into it again.
It was the last thing Rebecca had expected to feel. It was too much. It wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want to go anywhere near that kind of space in her head or her heart and that made it...what...terrifying?
She had to break that eye contact. To push that memory back where it belonged—firmly in the past.
‘Nobody sensible would,’ she heard herself saying. ‘But we all make mistakes, don’t we?’
She hadn’t looked away fast enough to miss the way that glint in his eyes got extinguished and her words hung in the air as they walked on, taking on a whole new meaning. That the mistake that had been made encompassed their whole relationship?
The soft evening air began to feel increasingly thick with the growing tension. This was her fault, Rebecca realised. She’d had the opportunity to break the ice and make things far more comfortable between them and she’d ruined it because she’d backed off so decisively. Maybe it was up to her to find another way to defuse the tension. At least she was no stranger to tackling difficult subjects with her patients and their families.
She had learned it was best to start in a safe place and not to jump in the deep end as Thomas had—perhaps—inadvertently done.
‘I did that consult you requested on your new patient this afternoon. Tegan Mitchell? The thirteen-year-old with aortic stenosis?’
‘Ah...good.’ There was a note of relief in his voice as he responded to stepping onto safe, professional ground. ‘What did you think?’
‘Classic presentation. Even my junior house surgeon could hear the ejection click after the first heart sound and the ejection murmur. It was the first time she’d come across an example of how the murmur increases with squatting and decreases with standing. She’s got some impressive oedema in her legs and feet, too.’ Rebecca’s lips curled into a small smile as she glanced up at Thomas. ‘Tegan, that is, not my house surgeon—her legs are fine.’
Thomas didn’t smile at her tongue-in-cheek clarification. ‘I’ve got Tegan booked for an echo tomorrow morning. We’ve started medication to get her heart failure under control but I think she’s a good candidate for valve replacement surgery, yes?’
That tension hadn’t been defused enough to allow for a joke, obviously. Rebecca nodded. ‘Absolutely.’
He didn’t see her nod because he had turned his head as the path forked.
‘Do you want to go through Queen Mary’s Garden?’
‘Why not? It’ll be gorgeous with the roses in full bloom.’
Thomas took the lead through the ornate gates and chose a path between gardens with immaculately trimmed hedges surrounding waves of colour. Rebecca inhaled the heady scent of old-fashioned roses but Thomas didn’t seem at all distracted by the beauty around them.
‘How’s your theatre list looking for later this week?’
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