Undressed by the Rebel

CHAPTER FIVE

‘HAPPY birthday, dear Mouse…Happy birthday to you.’

Ellie was laughing. ‘She’s only a week old!’

Max was holding a bunch of rainbow-hued balloons. He tied them to the doorhandle and then ducked outside the room again. Ellie’s jaw dropped when he returned moments later with his arms overflowing with parcels. He put them on the end of her bed where there was plenty of room because Ellie was sitting crosslegged, her back against her pillows and her baby in her arms, seemingly engrossed in being fed.

‘Max…what have you done?’

The intent look she received from those dark eyes was out of kilter with the satisfied smile that was fading a little.

‘You didn’t have a whole lot of baby stuff ready, did you?’

‘No.’ Ellie bit her lip. ‘I thought I had plenty of time and…and I had other things on my mind.’

The smile brightened again. ‘I thought as much. And they’re talking about letting you guys escape so I thought you’d need a few things to start you off.’

‘Oh…Max…’ It was embarrassing how easily tears came to her eyes these days. Ellie had never been one to cry much. ‘As if you haven’t done enough for us already.’

Max shrugged. He stepped closer and peered down at the baby. ‘Is she done? Looks like she’s asleep.’

‘She is.’ Ellie slipped her little finger into the corner of the tiny mouth to break any remaining suction. It also exposed her nipple to Max but any embarrassment over something like this had long since vanished. It had probably evaporated that very first time, in fact, when they had shared that amazing experience of Mouse finding Ellie’s breast by herself.

‘Maybe I could hold her for a bit, while you open her presents.’

‘OK.’ Max was the one person in the world that Ellie could hand her baby to without a qualm. He took Mouse and positioned her upright against his shoulder and he began rubbing her back gently.

Ellie opened a parcel to find a selection of tiny stretch suits in pink and yellow and the palest green. Another had tiny singlets and hats and one was full of bootees, including a soft yellow pair that looked like ducks. There were toys. Rattles and small, stuffed animals and a brightly coloured play rug. Sleep suits that buttoned up like tiny sleeping bags at the bottom and even a dress that was a smocked white affair with a scattering of exquisite, embroidered flowers and a matching bonnet.

Ellie had to blink back tears yet again as she held it up. ‘It’s gorgeous.’

‘I know it’s probably a bit big but, hey…she’s growing pretty fast.’

‘Max…I don’t know what to say.’

Mouse did. She gave an impressively large burp that made both Ellie and Max laugh and broke the potentially awkward moment.

Except that she had caught his gaze as they laughed and the eye contact held and became something else. Something huge that squeezed Ellie’s heart so hard it was painful. It was Max who looked away first and she hurriedly dropped her own gaze and bit her bottom lip as the silence took on a heavier feel.

Max cleared his throat. ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said.

‘About?’

‘You.’

Ellie’s heart gave another squeeze and it was a noticeable effort to draw a breath.

‘And Mouse, here.’ Max had tilted his head so that his chin was touching the top of the baby’s head.

‘I know. I really have to decide on a proper name.’ For some reason Ellie was feeling nervous now. What was Max about to say? Give her some last advice before disappearing from their lives? ‘I’m thinking maybe Amelia? Or…or Charlotte?’

He frowned. ‘Definitely not Amelia though I’m sure Jet would approve.’

‘Why?’

‘You know, Amelia Earhart? The famous female pilot?’

‘Oh…’ Jet had been up to visit once in the last few days and Ellie had had the impression he didn’t approve of her at all.

‘I wouldn’t be in a hurry,’ Max said. ‘The longer it takes the better, really.’

‘Why?’

‘Because if you can’t think of the right name, you won’t be able to register the birth and the longer you leave that the better.’

‘Mmm. I’ve been thinking about that myself. I’ll have to use her real surname for that and if Marcus found me because I bought a plane ticket, he might well be able to trace that.’

‘Especially seeing as he had an idea of when the baby’s due.’ Max smiled at Ellie. ‘Good thinking, having her a few weeks early. Gives you a bit of time to play with.’

‘Except that I’ll be registering her birth at about the time she was really due.’

Max nodded but he wasn’t meeting Ellie’s gaze. ‘What if you could legally register her as McAdam?’

‘You mean, change my name by deed poll or something?’

‘No.’ Max turned his head and his gaze locked with hers. ‘I mean I could marry you.’

The world stopped turning for a heartbeat. Ellie had to close her eyes and then open them very slowly just to make sure she hadn’t fallen into some parallel universe.

‘Did…um…did you just say you could marry me?’

‘Yep.’

‘So that Mouse could have your name?’

‘And you. You need a new name, too. It’s not as if I’d be giving away anything I couldn’t still keep myself as well. The perfect gift, if you put it like that.’

‘Apart from ruining your single status.’ Ellie’s breath came out in a huff of laughter. ‘I ‘ve seen the way the nurses around here look at you, Max. There’s more than a few disappointed by your pretend marriage. A real one might take a lot more explaining.’

‘Hey, am I complaining?’ Max flashed her a grin. ‘To tell the truth, I’m quite glad of an opportunity to be unavailable. Could be the making of me, being celibate for a while.’

‘A while? That’s like a piece of string, isn’t it? How long were you thinking?’

Max looked serious again. ‘As long as it takes, just like the string. How long do you think it will take you to settle into motherhood? Find a place you want to be and get your life on track?’

Ellie was silent. The future was huge and blank. The only goal she could focus on was to look after her daughter and keep her safe.

‘Six months?’ Max prompted. ‘A year, maybe?’

Still Ellie said nothing.

‘Think of it like an insurance policy,’ Max suggested. ‘Think about it, anyway. The offer’s there and I don’t offer anything I’m not prepared to follow through.’ He got to his feet and Ellie watched his hands as he shifted Mouse. One hand was under her small bottom and the other cradled her head to protect her neck. He moved her so gently she didn’t stir in her sleep. ‘I have to go,’ Max said quietly. ‘I’ll leave you with the birthday girl but I’ll be back later. We can talk about it when you’ve had a chance to think.’

Left alone, Ellie unwound her legs and climbed very carefully off her bed. She should put Mouse back into her crib to sleep but, instead, she found herself walking slowly around her room.

Thinking hard.

‘You did what?’

The CT scan technician glanced sharply sideways at the two doctors standing in front of the screens that were about to show images of their patient’s head and neck.

‘We’re almost good to go,’ she said nervously. ‘I’ll just check on Stephen.’ She ducked behind the glass screen to where two nurses were preparing a teenaged boy for the scan.

‘I suggested that Ellie married me,’ Max repeated patiently. ‘It’s no big deal.’

‘Are you kidding? It’s a huge deal. Marriage?’

‘Keep your voice down. I’m supposed to be married to her already, remember? This would just make it legal as far as the paperwork goes. I’m talking name only. Ellie needs a new name. The mouse needs a name. I’m trying to make sure the poor kid doesn’t end up being a “Jones”.’

For once, Rick wasn’t smiling. ‘I suppose you’re planning to put your moniker on the birth certificate, too?’

Max shrugged. ‘I’ve gone this far. What’s the harm in going a bit further?’

Rick whistled silently. ‘The kid is going to grow up thinking that you are her biological father.’

‘Not necessarily. I’m sure Ellie will tell her the truth when she’s old enough to understand. It’s not as though she’ll remember me. I’m talking about a limited time, here. A few months maybe and then we’ll get a quiet divorce. No harm done.’

‘And fifteen years down the track? When a teenager you’ve forgotten about turns up on your doorstep because nobody got round to telling her the truth? What then?’

Max was silent for a moment. He wouldn’t have forgotten about Mouse. No way. Rick cleared his throat as a prompt. ‘I’ll tell her the truth.’

‘Don’t forget to tell your wife and the three kids of your own you’ll probably have by then. Might throw a bit of a dampener on a peaceful evening at home otherwise.’

‘I won’t have a wife and three kids.’ He could sound quite confident about that. Was it because the prospect was distinctly uninviting? An as-yet-unknown woman. Babies. Good grief, he’d been through more than enough in the last week to put him off babies for a very long time. Quite possibly for ever.

‘What if it turns up with an adoptive mother?’ Rick continued relentlessly. ‘Like that Sarah who had your apartment? And they’re there because you’re the last hope to save the kid who desperately needs a bone marrow-transplant or a kidney or a bit of liver? How are you going to feel then? I’ll tell you, mate. You’ll feel like crap. Like you made a very big mistake a very long time ago.’

Max sighed. ‘If you thought the worst-case scenario was going to happen you’d never do anything in life.’ He wanted to change the subject. ‘Like that kid in there. Stephen. He wouldn’t have even started playing ice-hockey if he’d thought about getting tripped up and head-slammed into a wall.’

Rick gave a huff of laughter. ‘Your logic’s flawed. You’re supporting my side of the argument, here.’

Max ignored him. He looked at the technician who was still sending anxious glances towards the windows he and Rick stood behind. He pressed the microphone button. ‘Good to go in there?’

She nodded and started the scanner. The bed began to move slowly into the mouth of the huge machine.

‘We’ll be right here, Steve,’ Max heard her say reassuringly. ‘Keep as still as you possibly can.’

A nurse ushered Stephen’s frightened mother away. ‘He’ll be fine,’ she was saying. ‘It won’t take long and his doctor’s right here to watch him. He’s got an expert from Neurosurgery to check the results as well. Try not to worry.’

The scanner whirred and clicked as it set itself into the programmed position to begin the scan. Rick’s attention was on the patient file in front of him.

‘Knocked out cold for approximately thirty seconds,’ he read aloud. ‘Retrograde amnesia, headache, repetitive speech and nausea. Sounds like a good going concussion.’

‘Let’s hope that’s all it is,’ Max said quietly.

‘You’ve ruled out a C-spine injury?’

‘X-ray looked OK. I wanted something a bit more definitive. Same with the brain injury. Watch and wait didn’t feel right.’

‘Gut feeling, huh?’

‘Yeah.’

Just like his gut feeling that doing something extra was needed to protect Ellie and the baby. He knew it was crazy, dammit. He didn’t need Rick chewing his ear off about it and heaven help him when Jet found out. He’d had second thoughts himself but if he’d learned anything in all his years of dealing with emergencies it was to listen to that gut instinct.

Sometimes, it saved lives.

Images began appearing slowly. Black and white maps of the interior of Stephen’s body. So far, things were looking good. Maybe, this time, his gut feeling had been wrong.

‘C-spine looks fine,’ Rick pronounced.

‘Mmm.’ Just the brain to check now.

‘Isn’t Ellie due for discharge soon?’ Rick asked as they waited for new images to appear.

The technician was seated at the far end of this bench under the windows and Rick was talking quietly enough.

‘Yeah,’ Max confirmed. ‘Probably tomorrow.’

‘Where’s she going to go?’

The scanner was making enough noise to cover his response. ‘It would look a bit weird if she didn’t come home with me,’ Max muttered. ‘I’ve trumpeted the fact I’m involved, here. Anyway—’ he knew he sounded defensive now ‘—I’ve got a spare room. It’s no big deal.’

‘You’ll be living with her. She might find she likes it.’

Max said nothing. He thought about having company in his apartment. About coming home from work and finding Ellie and the mouse there. It wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility that he might quite like it himself. For a while, anyway. Wasn’t a change supposed to be as good as a holiday?

‘What if…?’ Rick leaned closer. ‘She decides she might like to be a real wife?’

‘Not going to happen.’

‘You mean you could live in the same house as an attractive woman and not take advantage of the situation?’

Max tried to shut down the mental picture of Ellie sitting on the bed that day, naked to the waist. He’d known the gut feeling he’d experienced then had been highly inappropriate. It was worse now. For God’s sake, Ellie had just had a baby. Maybe the last time she’d been with a man had been when she’d been raped. This was sick.

And yet it hit him with all the force of a kick from a small mule. Suddenly Max was angry. With himself. With the situation he found himself in. Most of all, with the bastard who’d done this to someone like Ellie in the first place.

‘Of course I can,’ he hissed at Rick. Couldn’t his friend see how far he was going in order to protect her? Suggesting he might try something that had the potential to hurt her was an insult.

‘Hmm.’ Rick was staring at the screens again. ‘Good luck with that, mate.’ His tone was distracted and Max focused on what his colleague was seeing. He knew the significance even before another one of Rick’s silent whistles. ‘Look at that. Your gut’s on the money again. Subdural bleed…right there, see?’

Max could indeed. ‘And another one there. Look. It’s a coup-contrecoup injury.’ The brain had bounced in the skull on impact and created an area of damage at both the front and back. ‘Guess I’ll be handing him over to your team, then.’

Rick nodded, still studying the images, any personal exchanges forgotten. ‘Could well be heading for surgery. Good call, Max.’

Yes. Sometimes listening to that gut instinct could save lives.

What was Ellie’s instinct telling her in regard to whether or not to take up his offer?

Would she say yes?

As crazy as it was, Max hoped she would. He just knew—for the same kind of inexplicable reasons that had made him insist on further investigations for his patient—that it was the right thing to do.

For everybody.

Had he been serious?

Marriage?

Ellie had no reason to think Max hadn’t been serious given that he’d already claimed paternity of her daughter and given her the pretence of being his wife for the last week.

But this was huge. This would mean going through at least some form of a wedding ceremony with him to make it legal.

And that was wrong. Just so wrong.

She would say no, of course. He might be hugely relieved but he might ask her why not and what could she say to that?

That the offer was too over the top? Amazing?

Perfect?

Except it wasn’t and that was the problem. He wasn’t talking about anything like a real marriage here. He was offering her the gift of his name so that she would be legally entitled to use it. It was an abuse of what marriage was and that cut too deeply to be acceptable to Ellie.

She’d grown up with a single mother and had dreamed of being part of a ‘real’ family for her entire life. It wasn’t that she’d had an unhappy childhood, it was just that she had seen what others had had and had known there was something missing. And then she’d been given a stepfather when she’d been ten years old. He’d been willing enough to take on someone else’s child but the truth that there was never any real connection there had become blindingly obvious when they’d had their own child a couple of years later. Despite her mother doing her best to ensure she was an integral part of the household, Ellie had always felt she was on the outside, looking in on a real family.

At some point in her teenage years, childish fantasies of her real father turning up in her life had been abandoned in favour of her making her own family one day. Finding a man she could love with all her heart who loved her just as much. Having their own children. A home that was a family home. Full of laughter and love and the occasional smell of baking. A dog and maybe some hens out the back so she could collect her own eggs for that baking.

OK, so she’d messed up on part of it and the man who was the father of her baby was totally wrong but that didn’t mean it had to be completely over, did it? She could make a home for her child. She could have the dog and even the hens, dammit. And one day she might find a man who would love her and her child. He would offer marriage and become a part of her family. Having to explain that she’d become pregnant by a man she didn’t love would be bad enough. Telling him that she’d married the first time in name only would be even more shameful.

It would belittle something that meant the world to Ellie. Make a mockery of her accepting a proposal and saying vows that included ‘till death us do part’. She couldn’t…wouldn’t do it.

Was it fate that made Max appear at the very instant she knew why she couldn’t possibly accept his offer?

‘Hey…how’s it going?’

Ellie smiled. ‘All good. Very quiet. Mouse has been asleep for hours and I’ve been enjoying the view. I love how hilly Dunedin is.’

‘It’s a nice little town. I haven’t been here that long myself but I’m getting to know it. It’s a good place to live.’

‘Mmm.’ Ellie was trying to find the right way to tell him that she wasn’t going to be living here.

‘I went past the office and had a chat to your nurse. Looks like you’ll get the all-clear for discharge after rounds tomorrow morning. You can get out of here and go home.’

Ellie stared at Max.

Go home?

Where was that, exactly?

Most of her belongings were in storage in Wellington and all she’d come here with had been an overnight bag and her passport. If that became known it would ring alarm bells for the medical staff for sure. The kind of alarms that would set wheels in motion. Social service type wheels because they couldn’t let a mother who was only just on her feet after a life-threatening event go off and provide sole care for a newborn baby.

And if she got sucked into that system there would be no hiding her real identity. Marcus would be able to trace her in a flash. He would turn up and she would be weak and vulnerable and wouldn’t have Max or his friends to stand up for her. She could go further north to the town where her mother and stepfather were but they had a small house, two teenage boys and their own worries. Ellie hadn’t even told them she was pregnant. Turning up on their doorstep with a baby was an option that was definitely a very last resort.

Max was watching her. ‘You’re going to need help for a while yet, Ellie. You know that, don’t you?’

Ellie nodded. ‘I don’t expect you to provide it, Max. I’ve got to start standing on my own two feet. This is my fault, because I didn’t plan ahead. I was so busy taking it all one day at a time and relying on some airy-fairy plan that I would go and start a new life in a new place.’

‘You can still do that. Just not tomorrow.’

The small squeak from the crib was a welcome distraction from having to face a reality that had very scary blank patches. Ellie reached into the crib and gathered her daughter into her arms, holding her close enough to bury her face against her body for a moment.

The rush of love she felt for this tiny creature was enough to bring tears to her eyes and feed a seed of determination. She had someone more important than herself to think about now. Someone she loved who would love her back. As she carried the baby to the towel on the bed in preparation to change her nappy, Ellie had a moment of clarity that was as welcome as the distraction had been.

It didn’t matter that Marcus was her father. Maybe she would even thank him one day for being responsible for this incredible gift. Max had been right. Anything negative on the paternal side had most likely been due to nurture, not nature. This little girl was going to be brought up with the kind of love that would make her into a person Ellie knew she would be very, very proud of.

She was already. Taking hold of two tiny hands, Ellie bent to kiss her baby.

‘Isn’t she beautiful?’

‘Yeah.’ The word was gruff. Not that Ellie looked but she wouldn’t have been surprised if Max had glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one overheard.

Not that she was fooled. He might have tried to hide it over the last few days, with that casual dropping in to see how things were going, but Ellie hadn’t missed the sidelong glances into the crib or at the bundle in her arms. He might shrug as though it was unimportant when he was offered a cuddle but she hadn’t seen him refuse one yet. And there’d been that time when Mouse had been crying and crying and Max had turned up and taken her and she’d snuggled in to his chest and settled.