A Girl Called Malice

Chapter three

Climb

By the time Charlie and I had put the pictures away and prepared the food, the sun glowed high in the sky. Indian summers were great but winter couldn’t be far off, which meant rain. Lots of it. My days of driving around with the top down were numbered, so I grabbed Charlie’s car seat out of Mum’s car and fitted it into the rear seat of mine. Despite being forced to travel in a bright-pink car, he loved my car almost as much as I did.

Mental cobwebs didn’t stand a chance as we drove to the park with the wind rushing through our hair. I probably resembled a windswept poodle, thanks to my still damp hair, but it wasn’t like I had plans to see anyone. This green-eyed girl was getting a rare outing, liberated by the knowledge everybody I knew was either at college or work. Even if they weren’t, it was unlikely that they’d be hanging around a park in the middle of the day.

Today, the only person I needed to impress was Charlie and he was grinning broadly whenever I checked on him in my mirror. He waved to every person and animal we passed, including a squirrel that dashed across the road and very nearly got squished. I’d never been so relieved to see a disease-ridden rodent make it across the road alive and well.

Charlie’s babbling lasted for the entire ten-minute journey and he was still buzzing when we pulled into the car park. The moment I released him from his harness, he dived out of the car and hopped from one foot to the other. Due to the roar of the wind, I hadn’t caught half of what he’d said on the way and now had a bad feeling that I’d agreed to something I shouldn’t have.

In an attempt to calm his giddy excitement, I popped the boot open, then loaded him up with the picnic blanket and his ball, but it only seemed to crank him up even more. My rucksack weighed a ton when I dragged it over my shoulder. Spare clothes, wipes, mini first aid kit, food… the list was endless. Travelling light with a pre-schooler had to be a myth; either that or I was doing it wrong.

The latter probably, since everything I did was wrong according to Mum. I covered up my shudder by reaching for Charlie’s hand. ‘Ready then?’

‘Yeah!’ After a bit of juggling and rearranging of his cargo, he slipped his hand inside mine and tugged me away from the car. A boy on a mission, he led me over the bridge with a brook bubbling beneath.

‘Where are you taking me, Charlie?’

‘Nearly there, Aunty Alice,’ he said, dragging me deeper into the heart of the park.

‘OK, if you say so.’

He finally came to a stop at the foot of a giant oak tree with several of its leaves already turning from green to brown. ‘This one,’ he declared.

This one?

‘What do you mean, Charlie Bear?’ I peered up into the branches to see if he was pointing at something specific, a carving or a bird maybe, but nothing jumped out at me. ‘Am I supposed to be looking for something?’

‘Silly, Aunty Alice.’ He giggled and let go of my hand to point at the tree trunk. ‘This is the tree you agreed to climb.’

‘I did no such th—’Ah. Come to think of it, I did recall something to do with a tree. A groan built in the back of my throat but I managed to hold it in. ‘I did, didn’t I?’

Charlie nodded so hard I feared he’d shake something loose. His eyes sparkled as he looked from me to the tree and back again.

Shit.

‘That’s fine. No problem at all.’ Somehow I managed to sound confident so I stared up at the tree to hide my cringe from him. When I had my expression back under control, I looked down at Charlie. With a bit of luck, I’d be able to distract him with something else so he’d forget. ‘I just thought we could play football first though. You know, work up an appetite for lunch?’

Damn it, he was already shaking his head. ‘You promised we could do this first.’ His bottom lip poked out and the light in his eyes dimmed.

‘Um…OK.’ Talk about being a soft touch.

‘You’ll do it?’ he asked, looking up at me with wide-eyed awe.

‘I said I would, didn’t I?’ My voice wavered only slightly. ‘A promise is a promise, Charlie Bear.’ Just because I’d been crapped on my entire life didn’t mean I was about to do the same to Charlie—anybody else, no sweat—but not him. I knew exactly how much it hurt when the people you cared about kept breaking their promise.

Charlie threw his arms around my legs in a bear hug worthy of his nickname. ‘You’re the best aunty ever.’ The light in his eyes returned to full beam as he grinned up at me and scuppered my last shred of my resistance. Along with my common sense.

‘Let’s set up base camp over there.’ I pointed to a patch of grass bathed in dappled sunlight cast by the monster tree. The mere thought of climbing it gave me palpitations. No matter how many times I looked away, my gaze kept getting drawn back to the tree. There had to be some kind of optical illusion at play because the damn thing looked even bigger when you weren’t stood directly beneath it.

Not good.

Charlie pottered around setting up the picnic blanket, but the wind caught it and blew it a few metres away. He giggled and chased after it, then dragged it back. This time I weighed it down with the rucksack, full of the food that I no longer had an appetite to eat, and left him to it. ‘All done!’ he declared proudly.

I tore my gaze off the gazillion branches to see that he’d laid out the plastic cups and plates. ‘Wow, that looks great.’

Charlie didn’t even respond. He just sat stiff-backed on the blanket with his legs crossed and his hands in his lap as though he didn’t dare give me any reason to change my mind. His lips formed a perfect line, not smiling but not sad either as he waited and watched me with big round eyes full of expectation.

No pressure then, Alice.

I turned around to examine the tree again from afar. Determined to climb the giant tree even if it was the last thing I ever did—which it very well could be, based on my previous tree-climbing form—I tried to pick out the best route…or any route at all so long as I survived without too many broken bones.

On that cheery thought I trotted over to my rucksack and casually slipped my phone into my bra just in case of an emergency—like getting stuck up a tree—then stalked across the grass to stand at the foot of the tree. Up close its trunk was so big I couldn’t even wrap my arms around it. Out of earshot and with my back to Charlie, I let out the shaky breath I’d been holding and wiped my clammy hands over my skirt.

Shit…

Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t set out to flash everybody I met. Definitely not old men out walking their dogs and prone to heart attacks when I had enough to worry about already. Admittedly, I wasn’t renowned for being modest since it was all part of my act but that was when I was in character. Christ, I didn’t even have my thick tights on. Anybody walking by would be able to see straight up and get an eyeful of my arse.

I darted a glance at Charlie but his expression told me it was too late to pull out now and disappointing him wasn’t an option. Resigned, I lifted my leg and planted my foot on a knot sticking out of the tree just above knee height then launched myself upwards to grab the lowest branch. Charlie giggled, unable to contain his glee.

Here goes then.

Another knot stuck out half way around the other side of the trunk that I could reach at a stretch to use as my next boost. Unfortunately, it left me spread-eagled against the rough bark like I was some fashionably-dressed tree hugger but with one hard push, I sprang upward and onto the first branch. It creaked ominously and sent a burst of adrenaline into my legs.

I scrambled up to the next level where I was able to stand with a foot on two separate, sturdier-looking, branches set at hip distance apart. So far so good but the next level proved trickier. Too far for me to step onto, I reached above my head to grab the over-hanging branch, then stretched and hoisted my leg over a different branch set at shoulder height. Memories of a similar position came alive inside my head and I had to stifle a giggle.

All those years of ballet lessons with my leg up on the bar had finally come in handy. What would the old battle-axe say if she could see me now? At last I could put my gymnastics skills to good use too. I combined the two and found I could jump and spring while maintaining my balance and posture. And there was me thinking the whole ballet and gymnastics thing had been nothing more than a ruse; a way for mum to get me out of the house for hours at a time so she could spend time wheedling her way into Derek’s life.

My progress may have been slow but it was steady. I risked a peek down to check on Charlie and he waved and grinned back at me, looking as delighted as I felt that I was actually doing it. When I looked back up again to plan my next move, my stomach lurched. A jogger had appeared on the path ahead, an older guy in his thirties maybe, and he was headed straight for us. The tree blocked my view but the sound of his footsteps grew louder.

I assessed the distance I’d have to jump to get back to ground to protect Charlie but it was too far. Before I could even remind Charlie about stranger-danger, the jogger’s gait slowed almost to a stop, presumably wondering what a young boy was doing in the park on his own. Sure enough, the guy spoke and left me no choice but to give myself away.

‘He’s with me,’ I said, going for my fiercest tone.

The jogger’s head jerked back as he looked up, catching me in my most exposed position yet. Oh well, at least my knickers are pretty. His eyes widened but I didn’t dare let go of the branch to wave so I dipped into character and blew him a kiss. Stunned, his feet tangled together but he managed to right himself before he crashed to the ground. He regained his balance and jogged away, muttering something unintelligible and looking a lot warmer in the cheeks than when he’d first appeared.

Giggles bubbled deep inside my belly, building in both power and volume until they came bursting out of me. Rich and free, the rare sound was loud enough to reach the jogger’s ears as well as scare the blackbird that had also been checking me out from the tree opposite. Several feet below, I heard Charlie’s laughter join mine. The two sounds entwined to become one and imprinted itself on my heart.

Driven on by a rush of energy, the next few levels proved easy. My confidence soared as I leaped from one branch to the next and I soon found myself halfway up the tree. Encouraged by the promise of a spectacular view, I climbed higher and higher until the branches thinned nearer the top. The scene that greeted me made my efforts more than worthwhile.

Hovering miles above me stretched a sky of azure blue dotted with white balls of cotton wool. Below lay a carpet of green grass broken only by the shrubs and the trees which reached toward the sky as if they too thought they could touch it. Full of natural beauty, the sheer vibrancy of colour and life brought on a bout of homesickness that strangled me and left me breathless. Enraptured by the sunlight skimming across the landscape, I drank the sight in and let the tranquillity neutralise the toxic poison running through my veins.

If only I could capture the feeling: to trap it inside a jar to be opened on those darker days when all hope was lost. Today was not that day—not any more—my soul was suddenly filled with so much joy I felt lighter than air. If I were to let go of the branch I would surely defy gravity and float to the ground like a sycamore leaf caught on a lilting autumn breeze.

I made a mental note of everything: from the exact shade and shape of the leaves to the way the sunlight hit the acorns; from the texture of the clouds to the lift of a bird’s feathers as it sailed the air currents with its song filling the air; even the earthen, damp smell of the tree itself combined with the scent of flowers left its mark on me. The antidote to my bleak sense of hopelessness, I yearned to recreate the scene on paper, except I hadn’t brought my pencils or sketch paper.

I did have my phone though.

Together with my own memory, the camera and video features would hopefully give me enough raw footage to do the drawing justice. I took out my phone, warmed by my skin, and thought of nothing but capturing the shots I needed, knowing full well that I would kick myself if I missed anything. The camera had a panorama feature ideal for capturing the view so I set it up then turned slowly in a circle.

I watched the images stitch together on the screen until a massive branch got in the way to spoil it. Where was a chainsaw when I needed one? Never mind, I wasn’t about to be defeated by a bunch of stupid leaves so I made do with cursing under my breath and climbed up another level. The angle wasn’t right now though so I had to twist and stretch in a weird position to get the same shot as before.

Frenzied fluttering in my ribs told me it was going to be worth an aching back though. At the sound of the final shutter, I brought my phone up close but sunlight hit the screen and turned it into a mirror. All I could see was my own reflection staring back at me so I used my other hand to shield the phone and brought it right up to my eyes.

‘You’re going to absolutely love this photo, Charlie Bear,’ I called out, triumphant at having captured the money shot. ‘I can’t wait to show it to you.’

No reply.

‘Charlie?’ I strained to hear him over the sounds of birdsong and the rustle of leaves, but there was nothing. I called him again, louder than before, trying not to over-react.

‘Yes, Aunty Alice?’ he called back.

Phew!

I turned in the direction of his voice and looked down to see if I could spot him through the foliage. ‘Are you O—’ A feeble squeal leaped out of my mouth and I jammed my eyes shut to block out the bird’s-eye view of the ground a hell of a long way below. The instant I closed my eyes, my balance deserted me. I swayed and pitched forwards, realising too late that I wasn’t holding onto anything any more.

Out of sheer panic, I struck out my hands and accidentally sent my phone went flying to God-knows-where. When my flailing arms found nothing to latch onto, my entire body jerked as gravity took hold of me and tugged me off my precarious ledge. As loud as my laughter had been before, it had nothing on the scream that ripped out my chest and shredded the back of my throat.

My scream eventually trailed off and left me with nothing but deafening roar of blood rushing through my ears. Just as I’d resigned myself to the worst, Charlie’s scream picked up where mine had left off. I fought against the urge to close my eyes again and watched him come to a skidding halt below me. He stared up at me with eyes wide with terror. Mine probably didn’t look any different. If I didn’t do something soon, I was going to land in a crumpled heap right next to his feet and I couldn’t do that to him.

Think, Alice. Think!

My only hope was to break my fall, but how? A forked branch was coming up fast but it was just out of reach. Unless… yes, it had to be worth a go. I’d been able to make the leap on the uneven bars to win first place at countless gymnastics competitions so I could damn well do it again now when it actually mattered. For the first time ever, I even had a member of my family there to watch my performance. Of course there was no sprung floor or deep pit filled with foam blocks if I missed the catch, but it was either this or nothing so I opened out into a full stretch and lunged.

Rough bark grazed my fingers but the connection was good so I gripped hard and braced myself for the jarring pain in my shoulders. Nothing in this world could have prepared me for the shearing agony. Either my arms had been ripped off or there really was molten lava bubbling beneath my skin. Unwilling to cry out with Charlie already sobbing somewhere beneath me, I sank my teeth into my bottom lip.

Spurred on my success, I arched my back and forced my body into an arc to maximise the swing. Sharp splinters dug themselves deep into my hands every time I adjusted my grip but I used the momentum to launch my legs upwards. Since I couldn’t do a nifty double somersault to dismount without shattering the bones in my legs, I kept swinging, all out of ideas having already surpassed myself.

Luckily, my survival instinct kicked in and I twisted my body to face the trunk. I wrapped my legs tightly around the branch, then did the same with my arms. Hugging a porcupine would have been more comfortable. Too many things hurt all at once for the waning adrenaline to cope with but anything had to be better than lying broken on the grass. All I had to do now was hang on long enough to figure out the next part and hope my end of the branch didn’t snap.

First things first, I needed to reassure Charlie. I tipped my head back and found him sat on the grass beneath the hulking great shadow of the tree. He rocked back and forth, hugging his knees as his sobs wracked his little body. The poor boy looked terrorised and I couldn’t even give him the cuddle he deserved.

‘Hey, it’s OK, Charlie Bear,’ I called down to him but instead of the soothing sound I’d aimed for, my voice came out hoarse and gravelly. I coughed to clear my throat. ‘Look at me, I’m all right. See?’ His big eyes stared up at me so I offered him a topsy-turvy smile before pulling a silly face. The hint of a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. ‘I’m really sorry for scaring you, Charlie.’