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But she hadn’t been a Christian long enough to know about things like this. Not only was she a newcomer to this church, she was a newcomer to God’s family. In addition to her new faith, everything in her life was in a state of flux. Because she tried to keep to herself, she wasn’t even sure she was worshipping God properly. She had no one to ask if she was doing it right.
She doubted she was ready for the responsibility of being part of a team whose purpose was to lead others to praise and to worship God. Paul appeared to be a strong leader, so she would be under his tutelage, but she didn’t know if that was enough.
Adrian and his friends sat on the couch and loveseat, leaving the easy chair for her.
Prior to praying with Adrian before they ate, and besides church, the only other time she’d prayed with someone else had been with her mother’s neighbor, the woman who’d told her all about God. She’d never prayed in a small group.
All the men folded their hands in their laps.
“Let’s pray,” Paul said, and everyone bowed their heads.
The room fell silent. Celeste covered her face with her hands and bared her soul to God. She told Him how much being a part of their team would fill her empty heart, more than replacing what she had given up. She praised Him for the new friendships she could see, beginning with Adrian and his friends. She had liked them all immediately. And strangely enough, she trusted them as a group. Singly, that might be different, but when they were all together, she’d never felt more safe.
From her first step into Faith Community Fellowship, she’d experienced an instant peace. She knew she’d gone to the right place.
Adrian’s voice broke the silence. “Dear Heavenly Father. I pray for your guidance for Celeste as she makes her decision. I pray for your kindness and mercy upon her in this, and every area of her life. Thank you for your blessings and continued love, today, and forever.”
“Amen,” Paul said softly.
Celeste sat straight, trying to maintain her composure. “Yes,” she said, failing in her attempt to keep a tremor out of her voice. “I do want to be a part of this team. As long as it doesn’t matter that I haven’t been a Christian very long.”
Paul smiled at her, his brown eyes sparkling with warmth. Just as with Adrian, she felt comfortable with him.
“That’s great,” Paul said. “The only thing we have to do is talk to Pastor Ron. And then he’ll probably want to talk to you, too.”
Celeste’s heart went cold. “The pastor is going to want to talk to me?”
Paul nodded. “It will be just so he can get to know you a little, and, if I can be blunt, to know your heart is in the right place. It won’t matter that you haven’t been a Christian long. God doesn’t have a trial waiting period. He takes you just as you are, just so long as your heart and soul are open to Him. And so will Pastor Ron.”
Celeste forced herself to smile. She wasn’t foolish enough to think just anyone who said they were a Christian and a good musician would be able to go up to the front and lead the congregation in worship. Pastor Ron would want to do more than just say hello. He would want to know about her, know something about her life before she walked in the door of his church.
She had fooled herself in thinking that if she didn’t talk about it, it would go away. Now she would have to tell him everything, even though it was the last conversation she ever wanted to have.
Chapter Four
“Celeste? Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”
Celeste gulped and looked up at Adrian, towering above her in the doorway. “I’m not sure. I just saw Pastor Ron. Maybe I should go home.”
“Nonsense. Come in.” Adrian pushed the door wide open, and stepped aside.
Celeste stepped into Adrian’s living room, but her mind was still back in Pastor Ron’s office.
She’d heard somewhere that confession was good for the soul. In some ways that was true, but now, not yet an hour later, she wondered if she’d done the right thing. It was Pastor Ron’s job to forgive and accept her, regardless of what she’d done, whether or not she deserved it. However, she doubted the rest of God’s flock would feel the same way, and that included Adrian and his friends.
Talking to Pastor Ron and telling him everything had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. Now that it was over, her first impulse was to go home and take something to calm her nerves, but that was one of the things she had put behind her. Still, she knew where to get anything she wanted, within minutes, no questions asked, as long as she had cash. It was easy, and no one would ever know.
Instead, she found herself at Adrian’s house.
“So, how did it go?”
“Pastor Ron welcomed me to the church, and to the worship team. I don’t know what to say.”
Adrian’s smile widened. “Don’t be nervous, you’ll be fine.” He checked his wristwatch. “Have you had dinner? I was just about to throw a burger on the barbecue. I can easily make two.”
She splayed her hands on her queasy stomach. “I don’t know. I’m not sure how I feel. I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Adrian stepped back and extended one arm in the direction of his kitchen. “You’re always invited. If you really don’t want a burger, then the least I can do is offer you a cup of coffee.”
Celeste followed him through the kitchen to his back patio, where his propane barbecue was heating up. He directed her to sit in one of the lawn chairs, then disappeared back into the kitchen. The microwave beeped while she waited. When he returned, he carried both a cup of coffee and a plate with two hamburger patties, both defrosted. As he placed both burgers on the grill, he peeked over his shoulder at her. “Just in case you change your mind.”
Celeste’s heart sped up to double time. If only she’d met someone like him eight years ago.
Adrian poked at the patties with his spatula. “I think I speak for all of the guys when I say that I can hardly wait until Sunday when you’ll be with us.”
“You don’t mean this Sunday? You mean next week, right?” She thought back to her previous experiences. Whenever she had performed without having practiced with the rest of the band, their audience had been too drunk to notice a few misplayed notes. This was different. Not only would everyone listening be thinking clearly, this was for God, and she wanted to do her best.
Completely serious, Adrian turned around. “I got an e-mail from Randy this afternoon, asking if I’d heard from you. He’s already planned some new settings he’s going to try. He fully intends to be in the sound room, not at the front, playing.”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
Adrian shrugged his shoulders. “If it makes you feel any better, I phoned Paul after I read Randy’s e-mail. He was really impressed with what you did yesterday. He’s very excited about how we’re going to sound with a good pianist. Frankly, we can’t possibly be any worse. He said running through everything when we’re setting up Sunday morning will be enough. But if you’re nervous, I can go over the songs with you this evening. It’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing.”
“I wanted to set my standards high. If you’re willing to take the time, then I’d really appreciate it.”
Adrian gave the burgers a flip. “Great. These are almost done. If you’ve hungry, come into the kitchen, and we can fix the buns. I left the other stuff inside because of the bugs.”
A sudden breeze sent the aroma of the mouth-watering burgers into her face. Her stomach grumbled. “That smells so good… But I don’t know…”
Adrian turned down the heat, closed the lid of the barbecue, and escorted her into the kitchen to fix the buns. “I’d still be cooking and eating, even if you weren’t here. Don’t worry about it. It’s no extra trouble.”
It wasn’t the trouble, or even the expense of feeding an extra person that caused Celeste to hesitate. This wasn’t frozen supermarket pizza. It was a real dinner, and sharing dinner was too much like a date. She couldn’t do that. The changes in her life were too new to be exploring such options, if she ever explored those options again. If she did, a nice man like Adrian wouldn’t be interested in someone like her. Recounting the details of her life to Pastor Ron had served as a potent reminder of who she was, versus who she now appeared to be.
“I’d better not.”
Adrian bunched up a towel and removed a tray of fries from the oven. “You don’t want to make me eat all this by myself, do you?” He set the tray down and pressed his free hand to his very flat stomach.
“You’ll never be fat,” she mumbled.
“I’m not so sure, but there’s only one way to save me from that fate, and that’s to share so I don’t eat it all myself. If you’re in a rush, we could always eat while we practice.”
She certainly didn’t have anything else to do, but eating while they practiced was a way to make it work-related, which was good enough for her. “I think that’s a great idea. Let’s get set up.”
All the instruments lay exactly as they’d been left the day before. It felt strange playing without the rest of the band, but as promised, Adrian guided her through the songs to the best of his ability.
When they were done, Celeste clicked off the keyboard, then turned to Adrian. “You know, you’re much better than you give yourself credit for. What you think is bad isn’t lack of talent. It’s just inexperience. It takes time to get good when you only practice together once a week. The dynamics are very different than when you’re playing alone.”
Adrian hesitated, then laid his guitar carefully into the case. “I appreciate you saying that. I’ve been working really hard at learning to play properly. These songs will sound even better than this on Sunday morning, when we’ll all be together. Adding Bob on the drums makes a big difference.”
Celeste hesitated. “I still don’t think playing in front of the congregation without everyone having practiced together is a very good idea. This was good, but maybe we should wait until next week.”
Adrian leaned down and turned off his amp. “Paul will be really disappointed if we don’t play. Maybe I should e-mail everyone and ask if they’re free for a short practice tomorrow evening.”
Celeste gulped. “But tomorrow is Friday.” Everyone she knew always had plans on Friday night. Big plans. But that was a different world. She didn’t know what good, decent people did on Friday nights. Recently she had spent most nights alone in front of the television, but on Fridays, when the emptiness of her home haunted her, she went to the library. Even though she spent her time in solitude, there were other people around her, all quietly minding their own business. She’d even rediscovered the joy of reading, something she hadn’t done for many years.
Adrian shrugged his shoulders. “I never talked to them about what they’re doing, but they’re probably free because none of us is seeing anyone right now. But I never thought to ask you first. I’m sorry. I should have realized. I can tell Paul we’ll start playing together next week, after you can have a real practice on Wednesday with everyone.”
Guilt roared through her. “It’s certainly okay with me if it’s okay with everyone else. I just thought you had plans.”
He shook his head. “We’ve done last-minute stuff like this before, and it’s always fun. I’ll let you know what they say. Do you have an e-mail address? Or can I have your phone number?”
Her first impulse was to refuse, but she couldn’t. She’d promised God that she would trust Adrian. Adrian already knew where she lived, and no more harm could be done if he had her phone number. However, the only e-mail address she had was at the office. By giving him the company name, he would know her last hiding place, where she worked, dissolving the last thread of the anonymity she’d worked so hard to achieve.
Before she changed her mind, Celeste scribbled her home phone number and e-mail address onto a scrap piece of paper. “Here they are. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s getting late, and I should be getting home.”
As usual, Celeste parked her mother’s car where she figured it would be least noticeable, and hurried into the restaurant.
In midafternoon she’d received an e-mail from Adrian telling her that he’d finally heard back from everyone. No one had other plans, so they were going to practice as discussed, just a little earlier. Adrian had also hinted that he wanted to talk to her before everyone else got there, and so to be even earlier. Unfortunately she’d been asked to put in an hour of unplanned overtime, and now her stomach was growling. Since she didn’t want Adrian to make supper for her again, and even though she really didn’t have the money to spare, Celeste found herself at the fast-food restaurant a few blocks from home.
Celeste ordered the cheapest meal on the board and settled herself at a table, deliberately sitting with her back to the counter so no one entering the restaurant could see her face. She had just taken her first bite when a deep voice sounded behind her.
“Hi, Celeste. Mind if I join you? I saw your car, so I knew you were here.”
Celeste choked, swallowed and recovered, but not in time to say anything as Randy lowered a full tray of food onto her table. He parked himself in the opposite chair and smiled a greeting. “This is great. It’s nice not to eat alone.”
Celeste pressed her fist into the center of her chest and cleared her throat. Unlike Randy, she had wanted to eat alone. Still, she considered Randy to be safe. This was okay, but she hoped that no one else she knew would associate her with her mother’s car. “Hi, Randy. It’s good to see you.” Strangely, as soon as the words were said, she found she meant them.
Randy bowed his head briefly as he took time out to pray over his food in silence, then removed the wrapper from his burger. “I think I know where you’re going after you eat.” He paused and grinned. “And speaking of Adrian, when—”
“Hi, Celeste,” a male voice called out from behind them, cutting off Randy’s words.
Celeste’s heart pounded. She turned her head so quickly her neck hurt.
As she raised her hand to rub the sore muscle, Bob approached, also carrying a tray brimming with junk food. “I saw your car in the lot.” Bob’s eyes moved slightly as he glanced at Randy, then back to her. His smile flickered, then resumed. “Hi, Randy,” he muttered, his voice not as cheerful as it had been in his greeting to Celeste. He lowered his tray to the table.
Celeste didn’t see it, but she heard the double thump of Randy’s feet landing on the chair where Bob obviously intended to sit. With Randy’s feet taking up the third chair, Randy deposited an empty bag on the fourth chair. He leaned back, raised his arms, and linked his fingers behind his head. “Sorry. All the chairs at this table are taken.” He released his hands from behind his head, shoveled a few fries into his mouth, then resumed his position, grinning while he chewed.
“Grow up, Randy,” Bob grumbled, unceremoniously pulling the chair out from underneath Randy’s feet. Randy’s feet landed on the floor with a thump. Bob brushed any potential dirt off the seat with his fingers, then sat. “I think I know where you two are going.”
She forced herself to smile. “Yes. I know where you’re going, too.”
Bob closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly for a couple of seconds, then unwrapped his burger and dumped the cardboard envelope of fries onto the corner of the wrapper. “It’s nice to see you here, although I kind of expected Adrian would be with you, not Randy.”
Randy’s grin widened. “Sometimes the best man really does win.”
Bob rolled his eyes, then pointedly faced Celeste. “Speaking of Adrian, I guess—”
Another male voice broke through Bob’s words. “Hi, Celeste!” Paul lowered only the corner of his tray to the table, because the surface didn’t have enough room for it. “I saw your car in the lot.”
Celeste didn’t know why this time she wasn’t surprised.
Paul emptied a burger, fries and a drink onto the table, then set the tray on the empty table beside them. He hesitated for a second when he saw the empty bag on the last chair. He picked it up, shook it to confirm it was empty, dropped it on the tray at the other table, and sat. “Hi, Randy. Bob,” he said as he quickly acknowledged his friends. He paused to bow his head slightly, closed his eyes for a second, then began to unwrap his burger. “This is funny. The only one missing is Adrian.”
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