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Fingering her pocketful of change, Lisa gauged it to be about five or six dollars. Enough to buy Cecily a book if she had the time and opportunity to run by a store. Her tips in bills amounted to forty-eight dollars. Pretty good for a no-alcohol-served family eating place. Saturdays were always good.
Night tips were better. She’d take nights quick as a blink, except Mrs. Braddock thought it better for her to work days until she’d proved herself. And a year under Mrs. Braddock’s watchful eye wasn’t forever, she reminded herself.
Waitressing didn’t pay as well as her office manager position had, and wasn’t the easiest job in the world. But no one questioned past references too closely, either. And Lisa was learning to be good at the work.
In all probability, she’d never become the cashier. Too many doubts from her manager. Nor would she gain another job as an accountant-slash-office manager. Most firms didn’t put much trust in a convicted embezzler.
Returning from filling salt shakers, she spotted a new customer at the counter. Ethan Vale.
His dark hair appeared loosely brushed and needed a trim. He folded his hands, resting them on the countertop as he acknowledged her slight nod. His mouth curved upward. She noted his short, clean nails. A man who kept his nails neat always impressed her.
“You’re early.” Without conscious thought, she smoothed the apron over the food-spattered white blouse. Perhaps it had been a mistake to agree to let him pick her up at work. She didn’t want people from New Beginnings coming in here, snooping. She didn’t want anyone at work to know of her personal life, either.
Besides, she hadn’t had a chance even to brush her hair since noon, much less check her makeup. She handed him a menu.
“Yeah, got lucky,” he said, flashing a half smile that did more than merely hint at charm. It lit his face with warmth and made her want to see that grin full-blown.
“Hope you know that’s the only luck you’ll get today,” she snapped. Too much charm made her jittery.
He chuckled, his light-brown eyes gleaming with humor. “Not that kind of luck. I’m not looking. Well, not right away, I’m not. What I mean is my sis offered to take my kids to an animated movie with hers. They’ll stay the night.”
At the mention of his children, Lisa let a twist of envy dissolve before saying, “That’s nice. But I can’t leave until my replacement comes in. Want something while you wait?”
“Like what?” He shrugged off his denim jacket as though to settle down.
“You aren’t eating supper here, are you?” Dismay was evident in her tone, and she could have kicked herself for making him aware of her turmoil.
He raised a brow. “Coffee will do.”
A surge of customers kept her busy after that. Sally rushed in, later than she’d promised, and by the time Lisa changed clothes in the ladies’ room, they were already late for the Bible Study.
Ethan waited for her out front.
“Sorry,” she mumbled as they reached Ethan’s car, aware she was falling into an old pattern of apologizing for something she couldn’t control.
Uncle Fred had dropped her off at work that morning. She hated to depend on anyone else for anything. It threw her into a panic of defense about causing so much bother. Men hated a bothersome woman.
“Was it your fault?”
“Not really, no.”
“Then you don’t have to apologize. You couldn’t leave before now or you’d have left your employer in a bind.”
She slid a glance his way. Did he really believe that or was he only being nice? She took a deep breath and let it out. He was right about one thing. She would no longer apologize for something that wasn’t her fault or that she couldn’t control.
“How far to Jimmy’s house?”
“Twenty minutes. Relax. It’s no big deal if we’re a little late.”
“So you say. It’ll be over soon after we get there.”
“On a Friday night? No one’s likely to rush home.”
True enough. Lisa hadn’t thought of that. “I have to be home by ten.”
“Ten?”
“Yes. Ten.”
“Why?”
“I just do.”
“Do you have a late date?”
Outraged, Lisa shot a glare his way. He stopped for a red light and returned her stare, his lids at half mast. “Well? It doesn’t matter to me, I only want to know, since we’re cutting our Bible Study down to a scant hour, what’s so important.”
“It’s not a late date, but even if it were, it wouldn’t be any of your business,” she practically growled at him. How dare this man question her? “It’s just something I have to do. Be home by ten. Every night.”
“That’s—”
“Don’t say it. If you can’t get me home by ten, then maybe you’d better let me out at the next convenience store with a phone.”
She had her hand on the door handle.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not going to do that.”
“I’m not ridiculous, only realistic.”
“Leaving you stranded is ridiculous. Come on, Lisa. I’m sorry I was nosy. Sheesh! Lighten up, okay?”
“Fine. Let’s just forget it. What’s the study to cover tonight?”
He remained quiet for a moment.
“Dunno, but it wouldn’t hurt if we took a look at Corinthians. First, thirteen.”
“Why? What’s that?”
“Oh, you know. Love is patient, kind, not rude and so on…”
This wasn’t shaping up to be a fun evening, Lisa decided. That’s all she needed—someone else to lecture her.
“You pompous jerk. I—”
“Slow down, Lisa,” he said. “I meant me. I need that teaching. I couldn’t begin to judge whether you do or not. Only you would know your own state of mind. Now let’s call a truce, please?”
She remained silent as he parked the car in the lot, then led her to Jimmy’s townhouse. Once they were inside, they headed to opposite sides of the living room. Lisa found a place to sit on the floor with a cushion, remaining quiet throughout the ongoing Bible Scriptures and discussion.
At nine-thirty, while Ethan and Jimmy were totally absorbed in their music, Lisa quietly begged a ride home with Pam. Ethan didn’t even notice her leaving, she thought as she slipped out the door behind Pam. She’d left Cindy to tell Ethan he’d lost one passenger to gain another. Cindy didn’t have to be home until whatever hour she wanted.
“I sure appreciate this,” she told Pam. “This way Ethan can stay as long as he likes.”
“No problem,” said Pam. “My boys are older now, so I don’t have to rush right home. I can drop you off easily.”
Partying, even innocently, was a thing of the past for her, Lisa mused as she slid into Pam’s brown compact. She had to take all her activities seriously from now on. She had little room in her life for an irresponsible charmer.
At eleven-twenty, Uncle Fred’s phone rang. Uncle Fred didn’t own an answering machine, and he wouldn’t be home till the wee hours of the morning. It was unlikely the call was from anyone other than Ethan.
Lisa let the phone ring. Ethan could be as mad as a rain-slogged rooster, but it wouldn’t make a whit of difference to her. He’d go find another woman to charm.
Yet she counted the rings. Ten, eleven, twelve.
“Quitter,” she muttered after the last one died away.
Chapter Four
Lisa had come into work at six in the morning. She pushed the previous evening from her mind. No use thinking about it—it hadn’t caused her to lose any sleep. Today was today and she had to put on a smile and be dependable and friendly to keep her job.
She prided herself on her good memory and had no trouble remembering orders. She had eight or nine tables to care for, depending on how efficient Josie, the other waitress, was. Lisa didn’t mind the hard work.
Toward ten in the morning she discovered Ethan at table five. What was he doing here? She hadn’t seen him come in.
When she arrived at his booth, his eyes were lowered as he studied the menu. Beside him, a small face peeped up at her, barely above the tabletop. One of his children, she supposed. The little boy stared at Lisa with wide, bright eyes.
Her guard went up. She wouldn’t be suckered into liking the child. She couldn’t afford to give any more love away. It hurt too much when it wasn’t returned.
She stood waiting, pad and pencil poised, then said politely, “Hi. How may I help you?”
“Stop being mad at me,” Ethan said without raising his eyes.
Her breath caught. How could he possibly read her like that? Know that she’d been miffed? No hello or how are you?
“I’m not mad at you,” she said, denying his claim without emotion. “I’m not anything with you.”
“Then why did you run out on me last night?” He looked up directly into her eyes.
Disconcerted, she blinked.
His brown eyes glinted softly, but they still demanded an answer.
She looked away, then back. She struggled to keep her cool. To keep her emotions under control. “You were busy. I didn’t see what difference it made who took me home.”
One dark brow lifted. “I did. I was worried about you. When I’m responsible for seeing someone home, then you bet it makes a difference.”
“Well, I…” Flushing with guilt, she felt like squirming while her mind searched for a reason. A legitimate one. In the past no one had called her on her excuses.
“And you didn’t answer the phone,” he accused.
She couldn’t lie. That was something the old Lisa would’ve done in a New York minute. But she couldn’t stand here talking all morning either, or she’d be in trouble. Her boss was already frowning at her.
“No, I didn’t.” She stood straighter, giving him a narrow-eyed stare. The truth wasn’t that hard to deliver, she assured herself. But she supposed she had been a bit rude. “I’m really sorry.” The words came out with a squeak. “Is that better? Now, may I please take your order?”
“Good enough, I guess. I’ll have coffee and a sweet roll.” He glanced at the child. “Jordan will have chocolate milk. Won’t you, sport?”
Jordan nodded, smiling at Lisa as he snuggled against his father. His thick hair lay against his head smoothly, except where it stuck up against his father’s arm. Lisa couldn’t help herself—her fingers itched to brush it back in place. Her heart melted and she smiled down at him.
“Okay, one chocolate milk coming up,” she said. “Coffee and sweet roll.”
She hurried to fill Ethan’s order, and when she returned to their table with their items, she glanced down at the two of them. Another customer took the seat in booth three, so she headed immediately to take her order.
Focused on her work, Lisa paid Ethan no more direct attention. Ethan didn’t talk to her again, but when he left, he waved cheerily and smiled a friendly goodbye. The little guy smiled at her, too. Waving back, she realized he was about the right age to play with Cecily.
But would Ethan still want to be friends after he found out about her past? She didn’t think so.
She couldn’t allow him to become that close. It wasn’t worth the risk of having the friendship fail. Besides, Cecily came first. That was all that mattered.
Without realizing it, Lisa relaxed. Ethan could be a pretty good friend, she guessed, if someone was looking for that. But she’d better keep him an acquaintance. His friendship was not for her.
On Sunday, Lisa had Uncle Fred’s truck. She wasn’t causing Uncle Fred any trouble. He liked to sleep late on Sunday, and then putter around his yard.
Excited, she’d dressed with extra care, wearing a brown print skirt and creamy blouse. They were new. Uncle Fred had given them to her especially for today.
Today was the day she’d see Cecily.
She drove to church, nerves already making butterflies in her stomach. The parking lot was almost full, so she chose a spot on the street.
I can do this. I can go in, listen to the sermon and like it…God’s word, after all, so it’s bound to be good. Beth Anne said people were friendly….
Lisa got out of the truck and strolled to the entrance of the main church building. She nodded a hello to the greeter and went in to the service. Taking a seat in the last row, her hands wrapped around the carved edge of the pew and she told herself to relax. Next to her, a family of four were busy getting settled. They didn’t speak.
It was a good thing she’d been at this church once before, she thought as she looked around. It wasn’t completely strange. Her jumping nerves quieted as the service began.
She spotted Beth Anne sitting with her husband and Pastor Faraday on chairs behind the podium. Beth Anne was wearing a stylish multi-print dress. Lisa had never seen her in anything but casual clothes before, or with her brown hair so sleek and shiny. She thought her friend looked gorgeous.
It was a rather formal service, unlike the lively Thursday-night gathering. Pastor Faraday gave the Scripture devotion and opening prayer, leaving the main sermon to Pastor Hostetter, Beth Anne’s husband.
The sermon seemed to creep along. It wasn’t half over before Lisa surreptitiously glanced at her watch. Two more hours till she could see Cecily.
I could listen better if this wasn’t the day, Lord. Help me to concentrate….
Glancing about her, Lisa spotted a woman she’d noticed Thursday night. Tall, with hair as pale as moonshine, she was sitting with an older woman who shared the same hair color. A relative, no doubt. What was her name? Lisa wondered. Her expression was grave. Somber. What was she thinking? Was she unhappy about something?
The service finally came to a close. Lisa shot to her feet; she wanted to shove through the crowd, to get in the truck and speed her way to Aunt Katherine’s.
But it was too early. Her aunt wouldn’t be home yet from her own church service. She’d want time to relax and change clothes. She wouldn’t let Lisa in before the arranged time, anyway. Not before one o’clock.
Lisa decided to linger, knowing Beth Anne would eventually come down to talk to her. She let the crowd go around her while she waited. Then two girls, both about twelve, ran up to Beth Anne and started talking.
The girls would be there forever, Lisa mused, so she turned to join the exiting crowd, jostled between an elderly man and a couple of teens. Pastor Faraday waited at the doors, greeting and shaking hands with worshipers. She didn’t want to be acknowledged like the other worshipers, so she slipped by unnoticed; she felt a little lost among the strange faces anyway.
Outside, she paused. The October sun lay half-hidden behind a cloud. She shivered and pulled her jacket collar closer.
It was only a little past twelve. What could she do until the appointed time?
“Lisa.”
She turned to see Beth Anne, her brown hair bouncing about her shoulders, racing toward her. “Hi, Lisa. I’m glad I caught you. I’m so glad you came today.”
“I wanted to come.” And in spite of the slow-moving sermon, Lisa realized she was glad. She’d just been restless and preoccupied. Besides, going to church was a promise she needed to keep, and it might as well be this church as any other. This was God’s house, after all. She needed to make new friends, and here, she at least knew Beth Anne.
“Who is that?” she asked, watching the tall woman she’d noticed inside move away from Michael Faraday while her companion remained talking. The woman limped badly, and her long legs were hidden by dark slacks and sturdy shoes. She managed to make her way toward the parking lot slowly. When she turned to see where her companion was, Lisa could tell that she was in pain. “Isn’t she a member of New Beginnings?”
“Sharp eye, Lisa. Yes, that’s Samantha.” Beth Anne spoke tentatively, showing her concern for the woman. “Thursday was the first time for her at New Beginnings, as well. She needs friends, I think.”
“She is so beautiful,” Lisa marveled. “I’d think she’d have loads of friends already. She looks familiar, but I can’t think why. And why is she limping?”
“A bad accident. And the reason she seems familiar is that she’s a famous model. When she was younger, she was on the covers of many a magazine, under the name Samantha Kim. And you can’t see it from this distance, but one side of her face is badly scarred.” Beth Anne lowered her voice. “She needs plastic surgery, but…well, she came home to recover.”
“Oh… I’m very sorry.” Someone else who wanted to hide from life, Lisa guessed.
“Well, I really have to go.” She suddenly wanted to share her excitement with Beth Anne. “I’m going to see my little girl today. Can you believe it? I can play with her—” and hug and kiss her, cuddle her, see her smile, hear her laughter “—for two whole hours!”
Beth Anne placed her hand on Lisa’s arm, her green eyes warm with empathy. “Oh, Lisa. How purely wonderful. I’m sure you’ll be blessed by this afternoon. I’ll pray the visit goes well. Call me afterwards, won’t you? And tell me all about the visit?”
“Oh, yes. Yes, I will.” Lisa felt a sudden gratitude toward her friend. “Thank you, Beth Anne.”
Gratified that her friend wanted to hear about her first visit with her daughter, Lisa felt lighter. As she left the church, her elation flamed high with hope. She’d shared her feelings with a friend, something she had not done for a long time.
She climbed into the old rusted truck and picked up the fuzzy pink bunny she’d bought that morning for Cecily. She’d stopped at a convenience store for gas, and there it was on the counter. She couldn’t resist it.
An enormous pink polka-dot bow circled the bunny’s neck. She hoped her daughter liked the stuffed animal.
She would only be about fifteen minutes early now, if she drove at snail speed, Lisa figured, nibbling at her lower lip as she started the truck.
A short while later, she parked the truck in front of Aunt Katherine’s shotgun-style house. She glanced up the hard concrete steps to the wooden porch. As a teenager, she’d spent some tough times in that house. But Cecily was only three. She wasn’t yet old enough to wonder why Aunt Katherine was such a harsh disciplinarian. She wouldn’t be there long enough to suffer under the same difficult conditions as Lisa had.
Not if Lisa could do something to prevent it.
She wondered if her aunt and uncle were home from church. The garage was in the back of the house off the alley, and she couldn’t see if the car was there. Should she wait in the truck or risk Aunt Katherine’s wrath by knocking on the door?
She’d wait.
Oh, dear Lord, please help me now. Please let this visit go well. I want so much for Cecily to love me…. I want her back, God. I had no choice when I left her in Aunt Katherine’s care. I’ll be a good mother, I promise! Oh, yes…without trouble from Aunt Katherine, if You can swing that. But knowing Aunt Katherine, I doubt it. Anyway, I just want today to go okay, all right? Thanks.
She felt calmer. She always did after praying, something she’d learned to do at Beth Anne’s urging.
Taking out her small notebook, she checked her to-do list for the week. It didn’t consist of much. Work, work and more work. But squeezed on the line for Thursday evening were the words New Beginnings.
Funny…she thought of the meeting she’d attended. It wasn’t something she would have gone to before her prison term. Prison term… She might as well say it and be done with it. Nothing was the way the way it had been before; nothing was left from her old life.
Well…that was good, wasn’t it?
She kept a watch on the house. At promptly one o’clock, she headed up the walk. She suppressed a desire to chase up there and pound on the door, but the thought made her smile slightly.
Aunt Katherine answered the door with her usual sober expression.
“All right. I saw you sitting out in front waiting—smiling as you came up here. Well, you might smile now, my girl, but I’m warning you. You behave yourself.”
“Thank you, Aunt Katherine.” Lisa used a demure voice. There would be no shouting today. No ugly talk.
Right away, she heard a child’s chattering from the kitchen. Her child. Her heart felt like a drum, picking up its beat.
“Cecily?” Her voice was tentative as she walked toward the kitchen. She paused in the doorway.
The little girl, distracted by Lisa’s voice, gazed up at her. Too big for a high chair, Cecily was dwarfed in the regular kitchen chair she was sitting in. She’d been eating lunch. A bit of green bean stuck to her chin.
“We left her in her Sunday dress for your visit.” Aunt Katherine spoke as though she’d made a great sacrifice. She believed in changing clothes the minute a person returned home from church. “This one time.”
Cecily wore a pink Sunday dress, with tucks and lace and little puffed sleeves. She looked so darling, Lisa thought, as though she’d stepped out of a picture book. But Lisa understood Aunt Katherine’s message. There would be no repeat of this one kind thing she’d done for Lisa.
“That’s nice of you,” she acknowledged. “Thank you.”
“We’re just about through,” Uncle Mark said. He lifted Cecily down from her chair, then grabbed a napkin to wipe her chin.
“Hi, sweetheart.” Lisa bent over, her voice wobbling as she swallowed hard. Don’t rush her. She hasn’t seen you in such a long time. You have to get acquainted with her all over again.
“Hi,” Cecily said, looking up at her with curiosity.
Lisa went to her knees to be on the same level. “I’ve come to see you especially. Do—do you know wh-who I am?”
The little girl shook her head.
“I’m your m-mommy. You used to live with me, do you remember?”
Fascinated, Cecily shook her head again.
“Do you remember the duck song?” Lisa began singing softly, “This little duck, once I knew…”
A light dawned in Cecily’s eyes. She chuckled as Lisa sang. “Big duck, fat duck, little ones, too…”
Cecily laughed with glee. Lisa smiled too, elation filling her, and kept on singing. When she got toward the end, Cecily sang “Quack, quack, quack” right along with her.
“Of course, you remember,” Lisa said, laughing, the tears streaming down her face.
“Why are you crying?” Cecily asked. “Do you have a boo-boo?”
“No, sweetie, I’m just happy to see you,” Lisa explained. Unable to help herself, she gently brushed the curls from Cecily’s forehead. Her little girl talked so much better now than when she’d left. In complete sentences.
Then she rose and pulled a tissue from her pocket to wipe her eyes.
“Why don’t you go into the front room now,” suggested Aunt Katherine, not unkindly for a change.
“Yes, let’s do that,” Lisa agreed. Brightly, she hoped, for Cecily’s sake.
She held out her hand to her daughter. “I have a little gift for you.”
Cecily hesitated, then placed her small fingers in Lisa’s. They felt so soft and tiny. Lisa could feel each little one.
When they reached the front room, Lisa sank down on the edge of the sofa, where she’d dropped her package when she came in. Cecily leaned against her knees, and the contact with her little body nearly sent Lisa into tears again. She held the bunny out for Cecily.
A squeal greeted the offering. “Bunny!”
Cecily inspected the stuffed animal while Lisa inspected her. Her curls were a soft ash brown, her skin rose-colored. She had Lisa’s eyes, and delicate hands like Lisa’s mother. Had this glorious child come from her? She’s a gem…a beautiful gem, Lisa thought.
After a few moments, Lisa handed her the book she’d also brought. Cecily tore at the wrapping paper. “A book!”
Cecily cuddled close beside her on the sofa, hugging the bunny, while Lisa read to her.
By the time Lisa’s visit was coming to an end, Cecily’s eyes were drooping. Lisa didn’t have the heart to keep the little girl awake any longer. She carried the child to bed, helped her out of her dress, then tenderly tucked a light blanket over her. Cecily’s eyes closed. Finally, Lisa knelt on the floor to watch her sleep.
She sat that way for ten long minutes.
“Time to go.” Aunt Katherine had been very generous. She hadn’t interfered with the visit.