The Way Back To Erin

CHAPTER TWO

BURKE SURFACED FROM sleep slowly, some elusive memory chasing him toward wakefulness. He kept his eyes closed, trying to orient himself. The bed beneath him was soft, much more comfortable than the flimsy mattress he was used to on the boat.

That’s when he remembered. He’d sold the boat, the most permanent home he’d had in the last fifteen years, because he’d planned to move in with Tessa after the wedding.

But there had been no wedding. And he no longer had a place to call home. He was surprised to feel a twinge of disappointment at this realization. He’d never settled before in his adult life. Moving back to Findlay Roads and buying the boat had been the closest he’d come to putting down roots. He’d convinced himself that roots were overrated, and he’d done his best ever since his high school graduation to stay on the move, never lingering too long, never growing attached. Because he knew what happened when you grew attached to things.

Tessa was proof of that.

Why had she bailed on their wedding yesterday? He thought back on the last few weeks, leading up to their big day. She’d been distracted and perhaps a little moody, which was unusual—Tessa was one of the sweetest people he’d ever known. She was kind and encouraging, warm and welcoming. But he’d chalked it all up to stress over planning the wedding. Now he realized that she must have been having doubts, feeling the pressure of committing to him. And clearly she’d decided a lifetime as his wife was not for her.

He felt a pang of disappointment at the thought. He could have loved Tessa for the rest of his life. He did love Tessa, he quickly amended. But now there’d be no forever for them.

As he wallowed in this realization, he eventually began to prickle with awareness. The room around him was silent, but he sensed sunlight filtering through the windows. He had yet to open his eyes, blocking out reality for as long as he could. But he began to feel there was someone in the room with him.

He thought of Gavin, his older brother, who had lived in this house, the same as he had, during high school. And after Burke had moved on, Gavin stayed, marrying Erin and making his home here at the inn, in between his stints of army deployment.

For a fleeting moment, Burke wondered if maybe Gavin was here with him, if his spirit still walked the halls of the B&B. But he knew better. Wherever his brother was, it wasn’t here.

Still unnerved by the sense that someone was in the room with him, he opened his eyes. His nephew, Kitt, sat at the end of the bed, his blue eyes intent on Burke. He smiled at the little boy. Kitt ducked his head and didn’t smile back.

It bothered Burke. He’d only met the kid once before he’d moved back to town. Gavin’s son had been all of three years old at the time, but Burke remembered him as a round-faced, smiling child. That little boy had slight resemblance to the one before him now. This Kitt was subdued, his face already losing its cherubic roundness. He was far too serious for a six-year-old.

Then again, Burke could relate. His and Gavin’s parents had died in the fire that had destroyed their home when Burke was ten years old. After that, he’d also lost his ability to laugh. It was Gavin who had kept him afloat, Gavin who had remained optimistic despite years of being shuffled from one family member to another. Burke had survived only because of his older brother.

But Kitt had no older brother. The thought pained Burke, both in his grief for Gavin and sympathy for his nephew.

“What’s up, little man?”

Kitt shrugged and scooted farther down the bed. Burke couldn’t quite make out his nephew’s expression, both from his lowered head and because of morning shadows in the room.

Burke didn’t press him to respond. He remembered his own childhood, the dual experience of self-inflicted isolation and the longing for someone to care.

He glanced around the room. This had once been his bedroom, long ago. But after years of being absent, Aunt Lenora had converted it into the Galway Room. He found he liked the changes. He hadn’t had many mementos growing up. When he’d lived here, the room had been sparse, the way he preferred it. But now it had a homey, lived-in quality that made him homesick in a contradictory sort of way.

“Is your mom around?” He didn’t know why he asked the question, other than the fact that thinking about his years in this house always led his thoughts to Erin.

Kitt gave a half nod and wiggled off the bed. Burke thought maybe he intended to leave, but he only moved a few feet away and settled on the floor.

Burke sat up and rubbed the pads of his fingers against his eyes, trying to focus. He sniffed the air and smelled the tantalizing aroma of coffee. At first, he thought maybe the inn was entertaining guests today, but then he remembered that Aunt Lenora had closed the B&B this weekend in order to attend the wedding without distractions.

“Have you had breakfast yet?” Burke asked Kitt. The little boy shook his head, though he still didn’t look up.

Burke sighed, wishing there was some way to draw his nephew out of his uncommunicative shell. Then, to his surprise, Kitt spoke up.

“Mom’s making blueberry pancakes. She said they’re your favorite.”

Burke was startled, not only by the sound of Kitt’s voice but also that Erin had remembered, after so many years, that blueberry pancakes were his favorite breakfast food.

“She’s right. I love blueberry pancakes.”

“So did my dad.”

This soft announcement, barely whispered into the stillness, gave Burke pause. “Yeah, I had to eat fast whenever our mom made them when we were kids.”

He hadn’t thought about that in years, family breakfasts gathered at the table. Those days had passed lifetimes ago. And to remember them brought more pain than pleasure. But he noticed that Kitt had lifted his head to watch him after this statement.

His little face was as somber as ever, but he looked curious now. “What else did he used to do when you were kids?”

Burke experienced a tug of grief. He didn’t allow himself to go back to these days. His childhood had been a precious, beautiful thing, and then it had been his greatest source of pain. But he hated to refuse the rare question from his nephew, so instead, he changed the subject.

“Tell you what? How about we go get some of those blueberry pancakes, and we can talk about what it was like growing up with your dad some other time?”

Kitt hesitated but then seemed to decide this was a fair offer. He nodded his head and stood to his feet, padding toward the door. Burke swung his legs over the bed and quickly realized he was still wearing his dress shirt and tux pants from the day before. He frowned, but a glance around the room revealed no other clothing. He’d have to find out what happened to the luggage he’d planned to take on the honeymoon.

And then he supposed he’d have to make time to collect the belongings he’d moved into Tessa’s house over the last couple of weeks. He wondered if she’d be there.

It was strange. Though he felt regret and disappointment in Tessa’s defection, he wasn’t experiencing the heartache he should have felt at the loss of his fiancée. Shouldn’t he be more devastated? Unable to sleep or eat?

But he’d just woken from hours of uninterrupted slumber, and his stomach was rumbling loudly, prompting him toward the blueberry pancakes. Of course, he was sad about Tessa as well as feeling the sting of rejection. But heartsick? No, he didn’t think he felt quite that badly.

He wasn’t sure what this said about him, nor his relationship with his former fiancée. Maybe he was still in a state of denial, numb to the reality of what had not taken place.

Or maybe Tessa had seen something he hadn’t and broken things off because she realized he didn’t love her as well as he should.

* * *

ERIN LICKED A stray splatter of pancake batter from her knuckle and then focused on pouring more of the thick liquid into the skillet. She reached for the container of blueberries, sprinkled a few juicy orbs onto the wet dough and waited.

“Are they ready soon, Mom?”

Erin jumped at the sound of Kitt’s voice. She hadn’t heard him enter the kitchen. But then, he moved like a ghost these days. Just the sound of his voice was a rare and precious thing.

“Almost. Did you wake up your uncle?”

“He did.”

Burke’s voice startled her more than Kitt’s had. But then, it had been a long time since there’d been a man in the inn’s kitchen. Not since Gavin...

“Do I smell coffee?”

She turned her attention back to the pancakes and gestured in the direction of the coffeepot. Burke passed by her, stirring the air. The hairs on her arm stood on end from his proximity. The reaction left her uneasy. She’d spent years learning to temper her emotions where Burke was concerned. She was not prepared to give up that hard-won control just because he had spent one night at the inn.

It didn’t help, though, that he looked a little like James Bond in his rumpled tux.

Erin resolutely kept her back to Burke as she finished cooking the pancake and put it on a plate. From the corner of her eye, she saw Kitt find a seat at the table. There was a large dining room off the kitchen for guests at the B&B, but this smaller table was reserved for family meals.

She sensed more than saw Burke carry a mug of coffee to the table and sit.

“Where’s Aunt Lenora?” he asked.

“Lenny’s sleeping,” Kitt said, using his nickname for the old woman.

“Yesterday took a lot out of her,” Erin explained.

Burke didn’t say anything as Erin poured more batter on the griddle and then carried the platter of finished pancakes to the table. Burke reached for one of the plates she’d laid out earlier and stabbed a pancake, serving Kitt first and then taking three for himself. She moved to the pantry and retrieved some syrup before returning to the stove.

“Kitt, after breakfast, it’s time for chores.”

Her son didn’t respond, nor had she expected him to. Kitt didn’t make a fuss about things like most kids. If she told him to pick up his toys, he immediately obliged. If she said he had to eat all his vegetables, he nearly licked the plate clean. While many mothers might brag about such deferential obedience, Erin found it concerning. What kind of kid didn’t balk, at least occasionally, about setting the table, putting away their clothes or brushing their teeth?

She glanced over her shoulder and caught Kitt watching Burke intently as his uncle made short work of his pancake stack. She frowned as her son practiced holding his fork the same way Burke did, his index finger spread along the length of the utensil’s spine. He tried cutting into his pancake in an imitation of Burke and then shoveled a too-large bite into his mouth.

“Slow down, Kitt. There’s plenty more here.”

Kitt didn’t acknowledge her, but he chewed his food with concentration. Burke cleared his throat, as if the admonishment had been directed at him.

“Sorry, I just forgot how good your pancakes are.”

Erin turned back to the stove. “They used to be your favorite.” She spoke the words before she thought better of them. Burke was quiet for a beat too long.

“Gavin’s, too,” he finally said.

Erin didn’t respond. After another minute, she scooped two more pancakes onto her spatula and moved to slide them onto Burke’s plate.

“Thanks,” he murmured as he reached for the syrup.

The kitchen was silent for another few minutes as Erin scraped the last of the batter from the bowl and flipped the final pancakes on the griddle. When she was finished, she joined the guys at the table. Burke was already halfway through his second stack of pancakes as she began her first.

“So...” She kept her gaze lowered as she carefully drizzled a stream of golden syrup across her plate. “How are you feeling this morning? About...everything?”

He didn’t speak a word, and Erin soon grew uncomfortable with the quiet. She looked up and found him staring off into the distance. His mouth was quirked downward, but he didn’t appear...heartbroken. Not like she thought he would.

“I don’t know. It’s a lot to process, I guess.” His gaze fell to Kitt. She slid a glance toward her son, following Burke’s eyes. “I guess if Tessa didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with me, it was better to find out now rather than later.”

Erin slipped a bite of pancake into her mouth as she contemplated this outlook. The buttery flavor of fluffy dough and blueberries melted on her tongue.

“It might have been more convenient if she’d decided that just a little sooner,” Erin said. But she didn’t really intend any malice in the words. She didn’t imagine Tessa Worth had a single selfish bone in her body. The younger woman was one of the nicest people she’d ever known.

Erin had found it hard to be jealous of Tessa’s engagement to Burke, when they both seemed so suited to each other. After all, Tessa had done what no woman before had been able to since high school—she’d anchored Burke to one location for more than six months at a time. That in itself had proved to Erin that Burke must really love Tessa.

As a traveling photojournalist, Burke had lived in dozens of places over the years, including a few exotic destinations, as he built up a successful career. He’d been published in some of the world’s bestselling publications. But he’d taken a small hiatus from his career once he moved back to town and became engaged to Tessa.

So she couldn’t quite be jealous, except for deep down, where she felt the sting of resentment. Tessa had managed to keep Burke in Findlay Roads. So why would the other woman abandon the possibility of becoming his wife? Erin found it hard to understand.

She shook her head slightly, trying to shake these thoughts from her mind.

“What will you do now?” Erin asked, both anticipating and dreading the answer.

Burke paused, fork halfway to his mouth, and stared at her. She could see the question bothered him. Perhaps he hadn’t given any thought to what came next.

“I—” he started, then stopped. Kitt looked up from his plate and focused on his uncle.

“I don’t know,” Burke admitted. “I guess...maybe I should try to talk to Tess?”

Erin frowned, uncertain about this proposed course of action. “You could try...but what if she doesn’t want to talk to you?” She was ashamed the moment the words left her month. Not so much because of how they might be received but because she spoke them for selfish reasons. She didn’t want Burke to speak with Tessa. And she felt horrible for experiencing a certain sort of gladness at the split in their relationship. She spoke again, trying to repair the suggestion. “Or, I don’t know, maybe you should give her some time?”

Burke didn’t respond. Erin poked at her pancakes, her appetite lost. There was a greater issue at hand here. Erin had invited Burke to spend the night at the B&B, at Aunt Lenora’s urging. But she had assumed it would be only that—one night. It wasn’t until the light of day that she remembered—Burke had sold the boat he’d kept berthed at the marina. That’s where he’d been living for the last year and a half since he’d returned to Findlay Roads. The plan had been for him to move in with Tessa after the wedding, so he’d sold the boat last week and had spent the last two days before the wedding staying in a hotel suite at the Delphine. But where did he plan to live now?

As if her son had read her mind, Kitt spoke up with a suggestion. “You could stay here.”

Erin raised her head sharply. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Burke did the same. She wasn’t sure which stunned her more—Kitt’s suggestion or the fact that he’d spoken at all. He kept so much to himself that Erin had grown used to his silence. The sound of his voice often startled her. It was changing, losing some of its baby lisp and becoming more enunciated. But the fact that Kitt might want Burke to keep staying at the inn was the most shocking thing of all.

“Kitt, I’m not sure—” Erin began and was quickly silenced by Aunt Lenora’s imposing voice.

“Of course he’s staying here.”

For the second time in the last sixty seconds, Erin and Burke’s heads swiveled in unison. Aunt Lenora stood in the doorway, a worn terrycloth robe wrapped around her thin frame.

“This is his home.”

It had been, long ago. But Erin had to bite her tongue to keep from pointing out how few were the times that Burke had actually stepped through the inn’s doors in the years since he’d left.

“Aunt Lenora, I can’t stay,” Burke said.

Erin’s shoulders sagged in relief, grateful that Burke knew this was no longer his home.

Aunt Lenora waved a hand in dismissal. “Of course you can. So you’ve been jilted. That’s no reason to tuck your tail between your legs and run.”

The old woman shuffled toward the table. Erin noted that Kitt was grinning and her jaw nearly dropped. Kitt’s grins were even rarer than the sound of his voice. Overcoming her shock at her son’s expression, she looked to Burke, waiting for him to shoot down Aunt Lenora’s idea. To her consternation, he seemed to be considering.

“But where would he stay?” Erin asked.

Aunt Lenora began stacking pancakes on a plate. “In the Galway Room, where else? It’s his old bedroom, after all.”

“But what if you need that room for a booking?”

Aunt Lenora took a seat at the table, her movements slow and deliberate. She arched one gray eyebrow at Erin.

Erin dropped her head from the piercing gaze. Even without using words, Aunt Lenora made her point. The inn’s business had dropped dramatically in the last year, ever since the Delphine resort had opened up nearby. While summer was usually the Moontide’s busiest season, they had fewer than half the stays on the books than they normally did, and the autumn and winter months had been stagnant.

Tourism, especially in the summer months, made up a large portion of the town’s economy. Last year, Findlay Roads had been busier than ever. The Delphine had been booked solid nearly all summer long, and tellingly, most of the business the Moontide had snagged had come from couples and families who were unable to get a room at the resort. This summer wasn’t shaping up to be any better. It was unlikely the inn was suddenly going to have a flood of bookings, so there was no need to worry about Burke taking up one of the rooms.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Erin said in a desperate attempt to sway the way things were going.

Three pairs of eyes turned to stare at her, and she fought a blush of embarrassment. She didn’t want to seem inhospitable, but the last thing she needed was Burke living in such close proximity, under the same roof as her.

“I—I mean, it’s just that, Burke has a lot to figure out now, and I’m sure he needs his space and, well...and...” She ran out of steam, floundering.

“No, Erin’s right.”

She relaxed once more as Burke spoke.

“It’s probably not a good idea. I can find a hotel outside of town or something. It’s probably better that way. There’s less chance of running into Tessa.”

The table fell silent. The quiet was so deafening that Erin squirmed. Burke was staring down at his empty plate, and Erin felt sick to her stomach. She didn’t want him here. But she didn’t want him bunking at a hotel either.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed Kitt frowning. Aunt Lenora stood to her feet, drawing everyone’s attention.

“You both are being ridiculous. Burke has nowhere to go, and we have an inn full of empty rooms. He’s staying here. And that’s final.”

Aunt Lenora’s announcement silenced any further protestations. Erin didn’t like it, but while it was her home, she didn’t own it and had little say about who stayed and who didn’t. Aunt Lenora had raised both Gavin and Burke in their teenage years. After losing Gavin, it would make perfect sense that the old woman might want Burke to stay.

But it didn’t change Erin’s feelings on the matter.

She stood to her feet, picked up her half-eaten plate of pancakes and carried it to the sink.

“I better get going,” she announced. “Kitt, behave for Aunt Lenora.” She didn’t really need to caution Kitt to behave, but she said it anyway.

Burke frowned. “Go where?”

Erin said nothing. She exited the room, pretending as though she hadn’t heard, and left it to Aunt Lenora to answer him if she chose.

CHAPTER THREE

BURKE WATCHED ERIN LEAVE, disappointed by her abrupt departure. It was obvious she didn’t want him here. The feeling was mutual. He’d never felt at home at the Moontide. But as much as he didn’t want to remain at the B&B, he knew he didn’t have the luxury of rejecting Aunt Lenora’s offer. He still had a relatively steady income from royalties of his photos, as well as a series of travel books he was contributing to. Yet he was by no means wealthy, and so he needed to get back to work at some point.

He’d pushed off any jobs in order to stay in Findlay Roads and plan the wedding. He and Tessa had agreed that he could maybe start traveling again in the autumn, after their wedding and honeymoon and after they’d settled into a marital routine.

He’d sold the boat that he’d called home for the last year and a half, which left him effectively homeless. As much as he loathed being at the Moontide for more than a night or two, it looked like he’d have to accept Aunt Lenora’s suggestion and remain there for a bit longer. He had to regroup and determine what to do next.

“I’m glad you’ve decided to stay.”

Burke looked to Aunt Lenora. She’d resumed her seat and was cutting daintily into a small stack of pancakes.

Burke hesitated. As much as he appreciated her generosity and had no choice but take her up on her offer, he still hated doing so.

“Aunt Lenora, I don’t want to put you out. Maybe Erin’s right, what if you need the room?”

Aunt Lenora snorted. “Have you taken a look at the guest register? There haven’t been any new bookings in three weeks.” The old woman slid a glance at Kitt and frowned. “My feet are cold. Kitt, would you be a dear and go fetch me my slippers?”

Kitt looked from Lenora to Burke and back again. Then, without a word, he stood and left the room. Aunt Lenora waited until he was gone before she spoke again.

“Erin tries too hard,” she suddenly declared.

Burke shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “What do you mean by that?”

Aunt Lenora reached for the syrup bottle. “She’s been trying to drum up business. The local book club meets here once a month. They used to go to the library, but when they started complaining it was too drafty, she offered them use of the inn instead...for a nominal fee that includes scones and tea.”