Secret Affairs

CHAPTER FIVE

PENNY hadn’t seen Matt in just over a year. She’d been in Tokyo then, slowly working her way back to the South Pacific after her years in Europe.

He’d changed—made that final step from boy to man. And he’d almost caught her out in her web of lies. She knew why he was here—it was the start of even less subtle pressure. Her parents’ wedding anniversary was coming up soon and they wanted a big celebration—one at home in New Zealand.

She couldn’t possibly attend.

She was hoping to save enough money to fly them to her for a holiday. They could afford it themselves of course, but she wanted it to be a gift from her. She wanted that to be enough because she didn’t want to have to go to them. The memories were brought to life there in that big house with their ancient, abundant orchard. The wall of trees linked their home to the property next door—Dan’s parents’ place.

She tried not to think about it and usually, on a day-to-day level, she succeeded. But Matt arriving out of the blue made everything flash in her head movie-montage style. It was almost seven years ago but sometimes felt as recent as yesterday. The darkness of those last few months at home encroached on her vision. And she remembered the estrangement from her family and friends as she’d got mired in a pit of grief and guilt.

She was out of it now. She was strong, she was happy, she was healthy. But the distance from them was still there—literally, emotionally. She didn’t think the bridge could ever be rebuilt. In truth, she didn’t want it to be.

And in her mind she saw him—as she always did—the day before he’d died. She swiftly blanked the images, focused on pleating the square piece of memo paper she had in front of her. Her fingers neatly folded and creased, working on a displacement activity designed to restore calm.

Because she hadn’t coped with what had happened. It had impacted on the whole family and she’d made it worse. Bereavement had shattered the bonds and only by going away had she been able to recover. She needed them to know she was okay. But she couldn’t front up to them and prove it in person. Not there. She didn’t think she could ever face that place.

Carter couldn’t concentrate on the damn transactions. He kept wondering, wanting to know more. In the end he went upstairs and pulled a chair up next to hers. ‘We need to work on our story. For dinner tonight.’

She looked completely blank. She hadn’t thought this through that far, had she?

He leaned forward and angled for more information. ‘So how did we meet? How long have we been dating?’

She turned towards him, her eyes huge. ‘I don’t know. Can’t you make it up?’

‘You trust me to do that?’

Beneath her eyes were blue, bruised shadows. ‘Sure.’

He stared, on the one hand stupidly gratified, on the other uneasy. What had happened this afternoon to make her look so hurt and exhausted? He glanced at her desk. It was bare, save a folded paper crane—which was unexpected and frankly intriguing.

‘Okay, I’ll come up with something,’ he said, bitten by a random need to reassure her. ‘An elaboration on the truth. We met at work.’

She nodded.

‘And there was an instant spark.’

She nodded again.

‘We were powerless to fight it.’

Her nod was slower that time.

‘And we’ve been inseparable since,’ he muttered.

She gazed into his eyes. Hers were so dark he couldn’t tell where her pupils ended and her iris began. Black with longing. Right? He leaned closer, feeling unrestrainable longing himself. He wanted to kiss her. Had to. And never stop until she was right back with him. Right here.

Because the sadness in those deep, secretive eyes was unbearable.

He’d seen the attention she got from other men. He wasn’t the only one to notice her combination of hotness and vulnerability. She unleashed both passion and protectiveness with just a look. And if they had any idea how she kissed, she’d need a posse of bodyguards to fight them off. Was it just her attention-grabbing trick? He grimaced ruefully; he didn’t think so, because she already had him on a three-inch leash.

‘Penny with the perfect plait.’ He slipped his fingers into the tight, glossy braid at the back of her head and massaged gently. ‘Relax. I’ll be the perfect boyfriend. Attentive, caring, funny …’

Why he was saying that he didn’t know. He was supposed to be the perfect investigator. He was supposed to be in his office right now working through all the files and finding the point when the discrepancies occurred. Not planning how he was going to spend the evening pretending to be her lover. But she still looked so anxious and he ached to reassure.

‘We can laugh and make small talk. Wow the brother and then leave.’ He liked the leaving idea. He liked the idea of dressing up with her, going dancing and then dancing some more in private. Yeah, he was a complete fool.

He dropped his hand and stood—a little test of his own strength. ‘Are you going to swim first?’ He’d learned that was her routine.

She shook her head. ‘No time.’

‘You want to go home and change?’

‘I’ve got something here,’ she mumbled.

‘You always have a party-going outfit with you at work?’

She looked surprised he’d even asked.

He went back to his desk for the last hour but all he did was think about her. She was nervous. Why? He didn’t think it was because of him—in fact she was relying on him to carry her through this. So why? What was the big deal about her brother? That prickle of protectiveness surged higher. Why hadn’t she been back in such a long time? It clearly was a long time. He couldn’t wait to go and get some answers.

Penny stood under the hot jet in the gym shower until the warmth finally seeped into her skin. Over and over she reminded herself that it was going to be okay because Carter was coming and he’d keep it social.

She met him in Reception. He was back in black and another tee that skimmed his hot frame. Pirate Carter. How little she knew about him. How much she wanted to find out. ‘You really don’t have a girlfriend?’ ‘Do you think I’d act like this with you if I did?’ His expression shut down. ‘I don’t cheat, Penny. One on one. I expect the same from you.’

She swallowed. ‘But this is just for tonight.’ His grin bounced back. ‘Oh, sure, you can think that if it’ll make you feel better.’ He took her hand as they walked along the street, the summer sun still powerful on their backs.

Penny hated public displays of affection. She hated being touched unless she was in a bed and the instigator or lost in the crowd on a dance floor. But Carter ignored all her unsubtle body language. He wouldn’t let her pull her hand back, he measured his stride to match hers, drawing her close enough for her shoulder to brush against his arm as they walked. But she tried once more to slip her fingers out of his.

He stopped walking and jerked on her hand so she stumbled near him. His other hand whipped round her waist and his lips caught hers in a very thorough kiss.

She jerked her head back and glared at him. ‘What—?’

‘If you keep trying to get out of holding my hand, I’m going to keep kissing you. If you want me to act like your boyfriend, I’m going to act like your boyfriend. That includes lots of touching.’

‘No, it doesn’t,’ she hissed.

‘I’m an affectionate lover,’ he said smoothly. ‘I like to touch.’

‘Kissing in public is exclusive, rude behaviour.’

‘Passionately snogging for hours in front of everyone would be. So you’d better let me hold your hand, then, hadn’t you?’

Otherwise he’d passionately snog her for hours? She so shouldn’t be tempted by that. ‘Don’t tease.’

‘Why? Did you think I was here to make this easier for you?’

‘Of course that’s why you’re here,’ she said completely honestly. ‘Be charming, will you?’

‘You think I can be charming?’

‘You know you can.’

‘Why, Penny—’ he ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek ‘—thanks for the compliment.’

‘Stop playing with me,’ she begged through gritted teeth. ‘Please come and talk nicely to him.’

But as they walked closer the cold feeling returned. Until the only warm bit left of her was the hand clasped inside Carter’s.

Already seated at the table, Matt watched them approach—correction, he watched Carter.

‘Hi, Matt,’ Penny said.

Her brother took his steely gaze off Carter and he looked at her. He almost smiled.

An hour or so into the evening, Carter was wondering why she’d been so insistent about his attendance. And why she’d been so anxious. It didn’t seem as though her brother was about to bite. If anything he’d looked fiercely protective when he’d greeted them, as if he’d take a piece out of Carter if he made the wrong move. He’d totally given him the ‘Big Brother is watching’ look. Which was a bit of a laugh, given he had to be the best part of a decade younger. And then he’d started a less than subtle grilling about Carter’s background and prospects. Carter had really felt like laughing then, but Matt’s questions were astute and intelligent and in less than two minutes he was on his toes and respecting kid brother for that. And he’d gotten no help at all from the woman he was here to socially save. She’d stared intently as he’d answered. She’d probably learnt more facts about him in those minutes than she had in the past couple of days. He’d like to do the same.

So now he willed time to go by triple speed. It refused—in fact he was sure it slowed just to annoy him all the more. Because he wanted to be alone with her. Alone and in his apartment. But there were the mains to be eaten, and more conversation.

‘So what do you do, Matt?’ Too bad if he should have known already.

‘I’m based in Wellington. I’ve just finished my law degree.’

‘So you’re going into your first law job?’

‘Matt’s going to work as a researcher for the judges at the Supreme Court for the year,’ Penny interrupted. ‘They take three honours grads. Only the best.’ Her pride for him glowed.

‘I’ve deferred the law firm job for the year.’ Matt shrugged off the accolades.

So he had his future mapped.

‘You want to specialize in criminal law?’

‘That’s right.’

Yeah, that explained the cross-examination he’d just survived. Carter hoped Matt hadn’t scoped out the lie right in front of him. Although it wasn’t a total lie—Carter did want to be Penny’s lover. Just not for ever as ‘the man’. He’d settle for just the night. Tonight. Now.

But he forced himself to listen politely as the conversation turned to home and Matt caught her up on the happenings. She was interested, asked a tonne of questions, making him wonder all the more why she hadn’t visited in so long. What was so awful about the place when her brother made her laugh about some woman who ran the annual floral festival in their small home town?

‘I saw Isabelle the other day.’

It took Carter a moment to register the total silence. The temperature must have dropped too because he could see goose bumps all over Penny’s arms again.

‘Did you?’ she finally answered, her voice more shrill than a rugby coach’s whistle. She reached for her water. ‘How is she?’

‘She’s okay.’ Matt had stopped eating and was watching her too. ‘She’s working at the city library.’

Carter had no idea who Isabelle was, but what he did know was that Penny had totally frozen over. Icing over to cover up—what? He tilted his head and looked into her obsidian eyes.

Misery.

Absolute misery.

And she was trying too hard, her smile about to crack. He shot a glance at Matt to see if he’d registered Penny’s sudden brittleness.

Yes, he had. He had the same dark eyes as his sister only now they were even blacker and fiercely focused on her.

She clung on—just—all smile and another polite question. But the façade was as fragile as fine-spun glass. He felt the pressing edge of the knife, waiting for it to slice and shatter.

‘You okay?’ Her brother ignored her irrelevant question and asked her straight out.

Her lashes lowered and the pretence fell with them. She didn’t look at either of them. Carter slung his arm across the back of her chair. She needed a moment of support and that was why he was here. And he wasn’t inhuman; his innards twisted at the sight of her.

‘Of course,’ Penny answered, so brightly it was like staring straight into a garish neon light. ‘I’m having dessert. Are you?’

She waved the nearest waiter over and ordered the triple chocolate mousse.

‘Excuse me for a moment.’ Under cover of the stranger’s presence, Matt escaped the underlying tension, shooting a look at Carter as he did.

Penny sat back in her seat after he’d gone and Carter twisted in his to look at her properly. She was even paler now and in her lap her fingers visibly shook. Her mouth parted as if she was working harder to get air into her lungs. Full lips that he knew were soft and that clung to his in a way that made his gut crunch with desire.

She looked terrified. Carter knew there was a big part of this picture that he was missing. But he’d get to that. All that mattered now was bringing her back—bringing back the sparkle, the fight and fire, the gleaming promise that usually filled her.

‘Penny?’ He slid his arm from the back of her chair to around her shoulder. Barely any pressure but she turned in to him. Her chin lifted and he saw the stark expression in her eyes.

‘You okay?’ he muttered as he moved closer. It was pure instinct, the need to protect. To reassure. To make it better.

He couldn’t not kiss her.

For a moment she did nothing, as if she was stunned by the touch. But then she kissed him back. Her mouth was so hungry. But then her hunger changed, the tenor of her trembling changed. It wasn’t distress any more but need. Her hands clutched his shoulders, pressing him nearer. He wanted to haul her closer still, wanted to curse the fact they were in such a public place.

Her hands tightened round the back of his neck, her fingers curling into his hair. Her breasts pressed against his chest. He wanted to peel her top from her, he wanted to see her as well as feel her. He wanted to touch her all over. He was wearing only a tee shirt and that was too much. He wanted her hands to slide beneath it; he wanted them to slide down his body.

Instead he had to pull back and he had to pull back now.

She didn’t move. But her gaze had sharpened, focused. Colour had returned to her cheeks and her lips were redder than they’d been seconds before. She breathed out; he felt the flexing of her shoulders—as if she was shrugging off whatever the burden had been.

Just like that she was back to her perfect image. As if that moment of terror had never happened. As if that shattering kiss hadn’t happened.

Carter hadn’t felt so rattled in all his life.

There was only one way to deal with it. There was no going back now. In truth there’d been no going back from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. He’d be her lover for real. He’d see her flushed and on fire and alive. And for someone who’d said kissing in public was rude, exclusive behaviour, she’d been doing pretty well.

Matt noisily returned to his seat and lifted the carafe of water, not meeting Carter’s eyes but refilling everyone’s glasses as if they all needed cooling down. Carter sure as hell did.

A couple of minutes later Carter was surprised to witness Penny enthusiastically tucking into the chocolate mousse. He’d thought she didn’t like chocolate. He thought she worked hard to maintain her figure. He looked up and saw Matt watching her with wide eyes too. And then Matt looked across at Carter and grinned, the vestige of a wink thrown in. As if he was completely pleased to see his sister putting it away like that.

But because she was so busy dealing with the rich goo, it was down to Carter and Matt to pick up the conversation. Carter darted a suspicious look at Penny. Yeah, she was spinning out the way she was swallowing that stuff—and actually taking the tiniest of forkfuls. In fact he figured she was totally faking her enjoyment of the stuff. Good actress, and calculating minx. But he played along, keeping the conversation safe and saving his questions for later when they were alone.

Only she foiled him.

‘Matt can give me a ride home,’ she said brightly after Carter had dealt with the bill. ‘He wanted to see my flat, remember? And you had to work on those files—you don’t want to be too behind tomorrow.’

Carter tried not to bare his teeth as he grinned his way through acquiescing. He’d been neatly set to the side. But he’d extract a little price of his own.

As Matt went forward to request a taxi Carter pulled her into his arms, so close her body was squashed right up against his. Not as close as he wanted, but it was better than nothing. And as he was staring down the barrel of a night of nothing, he needed a little sweetener. He kissed her, softly, until she opened up for him. Then he slipped his hand up discreetly, quickly rubbing a thumb across her breast. He knew exactly how sensitive she was there. Sure enough he felt her instant spasm, her mouth instinctively parting more on a gasp. But he couldn’t take advantage and go deeper. Reluctantly he relinquished his hold on her.

All the wicked thoughts that were tumbling in his head multiplied as he saw her flush and angry sparkle. Yes, it was going to be mind-blowing. But not soon enough.

‘Great to meet you, Carter.’ Matt walked back from the taxi rank, extending a hand and a bright smile.

So protective little bro wasn’t going to throw any punches despite seeing Carter paw his sister? Carter felt smug. He must have the approval, then—on that score at least the night was a success. And he’d claim his reward—tomorrow.

Penny loved her brother but there was only so much she could handle. She yawned and pleaded tiredness. He seemed to understand, getting the taxi to wait while he did a lightning inspection of her flat so he could report back to the parents when he got home.

She stood in her doorway to see him off, thinking she’d got away with the last ten minutes with her nerves intact. Only he turned back, one leg in the taxi already. ‘I’m sorry if mentioning Isabelle upset you.’

‘Oh, no.’ Penny shook her head, swallowing quickly to stop her throat tightening up too much. ‘It was so great to see you, Matt. It was a really nice night.’

Aside from that one moment.

‘You should come home and visit,’ he said, suddenly awkward and emotional. ‘You should bring Carter.’

Her throat thickened and tears stung her eyes. Blinking hard, she nodded and stepped back indoors.

Isabelle was Dan’s twin and Penny’s best friend from age one to seventeen. They’d been closer than sisters. They’d joked about becoming sisters for real when Penny and Dan had gotten together. But then that relationship changed everything—and every other for Penny.

For her, the impact was always there—a weight she carried and could never be relieved of. That was okay, because, as much as she didn’t like to think of it, she also never wanted to forget. And her burden was nothing on Isabelle’s, or Dan’s mother’s or his father’s.

For so many reasons, Dan’s death was the defining moment of her life. The experience and subsequent aftermath were the bases from which she made all her decisions. She wasn’t being hurt like that again. More importantly she wasn’t hurting anyone else either.

Now she knew life was for living—she would travel, experience and see the world. And always keep her distance.

And that meant distance from Carter too. Especially him.

CHAPTER SIX

‘SLEEP well?’ Carter stopped by her desk.

‘Sure,’ Penny lied.

‘I didn’t either,’ he said, eyes twinkling. ‘And I blame you for that.’

She didn’t rise to his teasing banter. It wasn’t entirely because of the memories that had been stirred last night—her instincts had been warning her off Carter from the moment she’d first seen him. She needed to listen to them. He meant danger—not the physical kind, like when she’d thought he was some psycho attacker, but a danger to her head, hormones and heart.

In short, he messed up all her insides.

If she thought she could control it, it would be fine. But she couldn’t. Carter wouldn’t ever cede dominance and he sought total response. That was fair enough, but it wasn’t something she could give.

She wanted to run. That was her usual answer to everything. Only she couldn’t. She’d let Mason down if she did and he’d been so good to her and he had troubles enough. He didn’t deserve more disloyalty or seeing people flee what could be a sinking ship. If investors got any hint of trouble they might stop the money flow. And in the current economic climate, that was bad news for even the most ancient, venerable financial institution.

So she was stuck here for another month or so. And Carter was only here for a week more. Once he was gone she’d be okay again. She could be strong and stick it out—of course she could.

‘What, now I’ve helped you out with your brother you’re ignoring me?’ Carter bent and eyeballed her.

‘I just think it’s better if we keep this on a professional level.’

‘Honey, we’ve never been professional with each other.’

‘We’re adults, Carter. We can try.’ To prove the point, she glanced at him very briefly and offered a tight smile. Then she went straight back to her computer screen.

‘Why do women always have to play games?’ He sighed. ‘Blow hot, blow cold.’ The amusement in his voice shouted out his disbelief. ‘If I kissed you now, you’d be ten seconds to yes.’

‘I’m not playing, Carter,’ she said frostily.

He laughed aloud at that.

But she didn’t see him again the rest of the day. She worked late, ignoring the lump in her throat and the disappointment that he’d taken her at her word. Slowly the office emptied but she couldn’t relax. She really wanted a swim—alone, which meant after hours. It was the only way she could think to ease the aches her muscles had earned from holding her urges in all day.

Jed was on duty tonight so she was in luck. She grabbed her gym bag from her cupboard. She’d log off her computer and collect her purse and jacket later; right now she just wanted to dive into the cool water.

She went via his security station to let him know.

‘I shouldn’t be that long.’ She smiled at the guard. ‘Half an hour tops.’

‘Sure. I’ll lock up in forty, then.’

‘Thanks.’

She changed in the small women’s room. Kicking the bag under the bench, she took her towel out poolside.

She dived in. The cool water felt fantastic on her hot skin. She stretched out and floated on her back for a while, closing her tired, scratchy eyes. Then she pulled her goggles down and did several lengths. It took longer than usual to get into the rhythm, longer still to try to settle her mind. She was so tired yet she had so much painful energy she didn’t quite know what to do with herself—but this wasn’t working. Finally she stopped and trod water at the deep end—furthest from the door. Damn it, she’d get dressed and go dancing instead.