Love's Labour's Lost
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ACT V. SCENE I. The park
Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL
HOLOFERNES. Satis quod sufficit. NATHANIEL. I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at dinnerhave been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility,witty without affection, audacious without impudency, learnedwithout opinion, and strange without heresy. I did converse thisquondam day with a companion of the King's who is intituled,nominated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado. HOLOFERNES. Novi hominem tanquam te. His humour is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious,his gait majestical and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous,and thrasonical. He is too picked, too spruce, too affected, tooodd, as it were, too peregrinate, as I may call it. NATHANIEL. A most singular and choice epithet. [Draws out his table-book] HOLOFERNES. He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finerthan the staple of his argument. I abhor such fanaticalphantasimes, such insociable and point-devise companions; such rackers of orthography, as to speak 'dout' fine, when he should say'doubt'; 'det' when he should pronounce 'debt'– d, e, b, t, not d, e,t. He clepeth a calf 'cauf,' half 'hauf'; neighbour vocatur 'nebour'; 'neigh' abbreviated 'ne.' This is abhominable-which he would call 'abbominable.' It insinuateth me of insanie: ne intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic. NATHANIEL. Laus Deo, bone intelligo. HOLOFERNES. 'Bone'? – 'bone' for 'bene.' Priscian a little scratch'd; 'twill serve.Enter ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD
NATHANIEL. Videsne quis venit? HOLOFERNES. Video, et gaudeo. ARMADO. [To MOTH] Chirrah! HOLOFERNES. Quare 'chirrah,' not 'sirrah'? ARMADO. Men of peace, well encount'red. HOLOFERNES. Most military sir, salutation. MOTH. [Aside to COSTARD] They have been at a great feast of languages and stol'n the scraps. COSTARD. O, they have liv'd long on the alms-basket of words. I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word, for thouare not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus; thouart easier swallowed than a flap-dragon. MOTH. Peace! the peal begins. ARMADO. [To HOLOFERNES] Monsieur, are you not lett'red? MOTH. Yes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a, b,spelt backward with the horn on his head? HOLOFERNES. Ba, pueritia, with a horn added. MOTH. Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning. HOLOFERNES. Quis, quis, thou consonant? MOTH. The third of the five vowels, if You repeat them; or the fifth, if I. HOLOFERNES. I will repeat them: a, e, I- MOTH. The sheep; the other two concludes it: o, U. ARMADO. Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweettouch, a quick venue of wit- snip, snap, quick and home. Itrejoiceth my intellect. True wit! MOTH. Offer'd by a child to an old man; which is wit-old. HOLOFERNES. What is the figure? What is the figure? MOTH. Horns. HOLOFERNES. Thou disputes like an infant; go whip thy gig. MOTH. Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about your infamy circum circa- a gig of a cuckold's horn. COSTARD. An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldsthave it to buy ginger-bread. Hold, there is the very remuneration Ihad of thy master, thou halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon-eggof discretion. O, an the heavens were so pleased that thou wertbut my bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me! Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers' ends, as they say. HOLOFERNES. O, I smell false Latin; 'dunghill' for unguem. ARMADO. Arts-man, preambulate; we will be singuled from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the charge-house onthe top of the mountain? HOLOFERNES. Or mons, the hill. ARMADO. At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain. HOLOFERNES. I do, sans question. ARMADO. Sir, it is the King's most sweet pleasure and affectionto congratulate the Princess at her pavilion, in the posteriorsof this day; which the rude multitude call the afternoon. HOLOFERNES. The posterior of the day, most generous sir, isliable, congruent, and measurable, for the afternoon. The word iswell cull'd, chose, sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir, I doassure. ARMADO. Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, Ido assure ye, very good friend. For what is inward between us,let it pass. I do beseech thee, remember thy courtesy. I beseech thee, apparel thy head. And among other importunate and most serious designs, and of great import indeed, too- but letthat pass; for I must tell thee it will please his Grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with hisroyal finger thus dally with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness toimpart to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen theworld; but let that pass. The very all of all is- but, sweet heart,I do implore secrecy- that the King would have me present the Princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation, orshow, or pageant, or antic, or firework. Now, understanding thatthe curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions andsudden breaking-out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted youwithal, to the end to crave your assistance. HOLOFERNES. Sir, you shall present before her the NineWorthies. Sir Nathaniel, as concerning some entertainment of time, some show in the posterior of this day, to be rend'red by our assistance, the King's command, and this most gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before the Princess- I say none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies. NATHANIEL. Where will you find men worthy enough to presentthem? HOLOFERNES. Joshua, yourself; myself, Alexander; this gallant gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the page,Hercules. ARMADO. Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for that Worthy's thumb; he is not so big as the end of his club. HOLOFERNES. Shall I have audience? He shall present Hercules in minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; andI will have an apology for that purpose. MOTH. An excellent device! So, if any of the audience hiss, youmay cry 'Well done, Hercules; now thou crushest the snake!' Thatis the way to make an offence gracious, though few have thegrace to do it. ARMADO. For the rest of the Worthies? HOLOFERNES. I will play three myself. MOTH. Thrice-worthy gentleman! ARMADO. Shall I tell you a thing? HOLOFERNES. We attend. ARMADO. We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I beseechyou, follow. HOLOFERNES. Via, goodman Dull! Thou has spoken no word all this while. DULL. Nor understood none neither, sir. HOLOFERNES. Allons! we will employ thee. DULL. I'll make one in a dance, or so, or I will play On the tabor to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay. HOLOFERNES. Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away. ExeuntSCENE II. The park
Enter the PRINCESS, MARIA, KATHARINE, and ROSALINE
PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere wedepart, If fairings come thus plentifully in. A lady wall'd about with diamonds! Look you what I have from the loving King. ROSALINE. Madam, came nothing else along with that? PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Nothing but this! Yes, as much love inrhyme As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all, That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name. ROSALINE. That was the way to make his godhead wax; For he hath been five thousand year a boy. KATHARINE. Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too. ROSALINE. You'll ne'er be friends with him: 'a kill'd yoursister. KATHARINE. He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy; And so she died. Had she been light, like you, Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit, She might 'a been a grandam ere she died. And so may you; for a light heart lives long. ROSALINE. What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word? KATHARINE. A light condition in a beauty dark. ROSALINE. We need more light to find your meaning out. KATHARINE. You'll mar the light by taking it in snuff; Therefore I'll darkly end the argument. ROSALINE. Look what you do, you do it still i' th' dark. KATHARINE. So do not you; for you are a light wench. ROSALINE. Indeed, I weigh not you; and therefore light. KATHARINE. You weigh me not? O, that's you care not for me. ROSALINE. Great reason; for 'past cure is still past care.' PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Well bandied both; a set of wit wellplay'd. But, Rosaline, you have a favour too? Who sent it? and what is it? ROSALINE. I would you knew. An if my face were but as fair as yours, My favour were as great: be witness this. Nay, I have verses too, I thank Berowne; The numbers true, and, were the numb'ring too, I were the fairest goddess on the ground. I am compar'd to twenty thousand fairs. O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter! PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Anything like? ROSALINE. Much in the letters; nothing in the praise. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Beauteous as ink- a good conclusion. KATHARINE. Fair as a text B in a copy-book. ROSALINE. Ware pencils, ho! Let me not die your debtor, My red dominical, my golden letter: O that your face were not so full of O's! KATHARINE. A pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows! PRINCESS OF FRANCE. But, Katharine, what was sent to you fromfair Dumain? KATHARINE. Madam, this glove. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Did he not send you twain? KATHARINE. Yes, madam; and, moreover, Some thousand verses of a faithful lover; A huge translation of hypocrisy, Vilely compil'd, profound simplicity. MARIA. This, and these pearl, to me sent Longaville; The letter is too long by half a mile. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. I think no less. Dost thou not wish inheart The chain were longer and the letter short? MARIA. Ay, or I would these hands might never part. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. We are wise girls to mock our lovers so. ROSALINE. They are worse fools to purchase mocking so. That same Berowne I'll torture ere I go. O that I knew he were but in by th' week! How I would make him fawn, and beg, and seek, And wait the season, and observe the times, And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes, And shape his service wholly to my hests, And make him proud to make me proud that jests! So pertaunt-like would I o'ersway his state That he should be my fool, and I his fate. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. None are so surely caught, when they are catch'd, As wit turn'd fool; folly, in wisdom hatch'd, Hath wisdom's warrant and the help of school, And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool. ROSALINE. The blood of youth burns not with such excess As gravity's revolt to wantonness. MARIA. Folly in fools bears not so strong a note As fool'ry in the wise when wit doth dote, Since all the power thereof it doth apply To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity.Enter BOYET
PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face. BOYET. O, I am stabb'd with laughter! Where's her Grace? PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Thy news, Boyet? BOYET. Prepare, madam, prepare! Arm, wenches, arm! Encounters mounted are Against your peace. Love doth approach disguis'd, Armed in arguments; you'll be surpris'd. Muster your wits; stand in your own defence; Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Saint Dennis to Saint Cupid! What are they That charge their breath against us? Say, scout, say. BOYET. Under the cool shade of a sycamore I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour; When, lo, to interrupt my purpos'd rest, Toward that shade I might behold addrest The King and his companions; warily I stole into a neighbour thicket by, And overheard what you shall overhear- That, by and by, disguis'd they will be here. Their herald is a pretty knavish page, That well by heart hath conn'd his embassage. Action and accent did they teach him there: 'Thus must thou speak' and 'thus thy body bear,' And ever and anon they made a doubt Presence majestical would put him out; 'For' quoth the King 'an angel shalt thou see; Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.' The boy replied 'An angel is not evil; I should have fear'd her had she been a devil.' With that all laugh'd, and clapp'd him on the shoulder, Making the bold wag by their praises bolder. One rubb'd his elbow, thus, and fleer'd, and swore A better speech was never spoke before. Another with his finger and his thumb Cried 'Via! we will do't, come what will come.' The third he caper'd, and cried 'All goes well.' The fourth turn'd on the toe, and down he fell. With that they all did tumble on the ground, With such a zealous laughter, so profound, That in this spleen ridiculous appears, To check their folly, passion's solemn tears. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. But what, but what, come they to visit us? BOYET. They do, they do, and are apparell'd thus, Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess. Their purpose is to parley, court, and dance; And every one his love-feat will advance Unto his several mistress; which they'll know By favours several which they did bestow. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. And will they so? The gallants shall betask'd, For, ladies, we will every one be mask'd; And not a man of them shall have the grace, Despite of suit, to see a lady's face. Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear, And then the King will court thee for his dear; Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine, So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline. And change you favours too; so shall your loves Woo contrary, deceiv'd by these removes. ROSALINE. Come on, then, wear the favours most in sight. KATHARINE. But, in this changing, what is your intent? PRINCESS OF FRANCE. The effect of my intent is to cross theirs. They do it but in mocking merriment, And mock for mock is only my intent. Their several counsels they unbosom shall To loves mistook, and so be mock'd withal Upon the next occasion that we meet With visages display'd to talk and greet. ROSALINE. But shall we dance, if they desire us to't? PRINCESS OF FRANCE. No, to the death, we will not move a foot, Nor to their penn'd speech render we no grace; But while 'tis spoke each turn away her face. BOYET. Why, that contempt will kill the speaker's heart, And quite divorce his memory from his part. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Therefore I do it; and I make no doubt The rest will ne'er come in, if he be out. There's no such sport as sport by sport o'erthrown, To make theirs ours, and ours none but our own; So shall we stay, mocking intended game, And they well mock'd depart away with shame. [Trumpet sounds within] BOYET. The trumpet sounds; be mask'd; the maskers come. [The LADIES mask]Enter BLACKAMOORS music, MOTH as Prologue, the KING and his LORDS as maskers, in the guise of Russians MOTH. All hail, the richest heauties on the earth! BOYET. Beauties no richer than rich taffeta. MOTH. A holy parcel of the fairest dames [The LADIES turn their backs to him] That ever turn'd their- backs- to mortal views! BEROWNE. Their eyes, villain, their eyes. MOTH. That ever turn'd their eyes to mortal views! Out- BOYET. True; out indeed. MOTH. Out of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe Not to behold- BEROWNE. Once to behold, rogue. MOTH. Once to behold with your sun-beamed eyes- with your sun-beamed eyes- BOYET. They will not answer to that epithet; You were best call it 'daughter-beamed eyes.' MOTH. They do not mark me, and that brings me out. BEROWNE. Is this your perfectness? Be gone, you rogue. Exit MOTH ROSALINE. What would these strangers? Know their minds, Boyet. If they do speak our language, 'tis our will That some plain man recount their purposes. Know what they would. BOYET. What would you with the Princess? BEROWNE. Nothing but peace and gentle visitation. ROSALINE. What would they, say they? BOYET. Nothing but peace and gentle visitation. ROSALINE. Why, that they have; and bid them so be gone. BOYET. She says you have it, and you may be gone. KING. Say to her we have measur'd many miles To tread a measure with her on this grass. BOYET. They say that they have measur'd many a mile To tread a measure with you on this grass. ROSALINE. It is not so. Ask them how many inches Is in one mile? If they have measured many, The measure, then, of one is eas'ly told. BOYET. If to come hither you have measur'd miles, And many miles, the Princess bids you tell How many inches doth fill up one mile. BEROWNE. Tell her we measure them by weary steps. BOYET. She hears herself. ROSALINE. How many weary steps Of many weary miles you have o'ergone Are numb'red in the travel of one mile? BEROWNE. We number nothing that we spend for you; Our duty is so rich, so infinite, That we may do it still without accompt. Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face, That we, like savages, may worship it. ROSALINE. My face is but a moon, and clouded too. KING. Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do. Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to shine, Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne. ROSALINE. O vain petitioner! beg a greater matter; Thou now requests but moonshine in the water. KING. Then in our measure do but vouchsafe one change. Thou bid'st me beg; this begging is not strange. ROSALINE. Play, music, then. Nay, you must do it soon. Not yet? No dance! Thus change I like the moon. KING. Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged? ROSALINE. You took the moon at full; but now she's changed. KING. Yet still she is the Moon, and I the Man. The music plays; vouchsafe some motion to it. ROSALINE. Our ears vouchsafe it. KING. But your legs should do it. ROSALINE. Since you are strangers, and come here by chance, We'll not be nice; take hands. We will not dance. KING. Why take we hands then? ROSALINE. Only to part friends. Curtsy, sweet hearts; and so the measure ends. KING. More measure of this measure; be not nice. ROSALINE. We can afford no more at such a price. KING. Price you yourselves. What buys your company? ROSALINE. Your absence only. KING. That can never be. ROSALINE. Then cannot we be bought; and so adieu- Twice to your visor and half once to you. KING. If you deny to dance, let's hold more chat. ROSALINE. In private then. KING. I am best pleas'd with that. [They converse apart] BEROWNE. White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Honey, and milk, and sugar; there is three. BEROWNE. Nay, then, two treys, an if you grow so nice, Metheglin, wort, and malmsey; well run dice! There's half a dozen sweets. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Seventh sweet, adieu! Since you can cog, I'll play no more with you. BEROWNE. One word in secret. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Let it not be sweet. BEROWNE. Thou grievest my gall. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Gall! bitter. BEROWNE. Therefore meet. [They converse apart] DUMAIN. Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word? MARIA. Name it. DUMAIN. Fair lady- MARIA. Say you so? Fair lord- Take that for your fair lady. DUMAIN. Please it you, As much in private, and I'll bid adieu. [They converse apart] KATHARINE. What, was your vizard made without a tongue? LONGAVILLE. I know the reason, lady, why you ask. KATHARINE. O for your reason! Quickly, sir; I long. LONGAVILLE. You have a double tongue within your mask, And would afford my speechless vizard half. KATHARINE. 'Veal' quoth the Dutchman. Is not 'veal' a calf? LONGAVILLE. A calf, fair lady! KATHARINE. No, a fair lord calf. LONGAVILLE. Let's part the word. KATHARINE. No, I'll not be your half. Take all and wean it; it may prove an ox. LONGAVILLE. Look how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks! Will you give horns, chaste lady? Do not so. KATHARINE. Then die a calf, before your horns do grow. LONGAVILLE. One word in private with you ere I die. KATHARINE. Bleat softly, then; the butcher hears you cry. [They converse apart] BOYET. The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen As is the razor's edge invisible, Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen, Above the sense of sense; so sensible Seemeth their conference; their conceits have wings, Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things. ROSALINE. Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off. BEROWNE. By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff! KING. Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits. Exeunt KING, LORDS, and BLACKAMOORS PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovits. Are these the breed of wits so wondered at? BOYET. Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puff'd out. ROSALINE. Well-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout! Will they not, think you, hang themselves to-night? Or ever but in vizards show their faces? This pert Berowne was out of count'nance quite. ROSALINE. They were all in lamentable cases! The King was weeping-ripe for a good word. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Berowne did swear himself out of all suit. MARIA. Dumain was at my service, and his sword. 'No point' quoth I; my servant straight was mute. KATHARINE. Lord Longaville said I came o'er his heart; And trow you what he call'd me? PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Qualm, perhaps. KATHARINE. Yes, in good faith. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Go, sickness as thou art! ROSALINE. Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps. But will you hear? The King is my love sworn. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. And quick Berowne hath plighted faith tome. KATHARINE. And Longaville was for my service born. MARIA. Dumain is mine, as sure as bark on tree. BOYET. Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear: Immediately they will again be here In their own shapes; for it can never be They will digest this harsh indignity. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Will they return? BOYET. They will, they will, God knows, And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows; Therefore, change favours; and, when they repair, Blow like sweet roses in this summer air. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. How blow? how blow? Speak to be understood. BOYET. Fair ladies mask'd are roses in their bud: Dismask'd, their damask sweet commixture shown, Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Avaunt, perplexity! What shall we do If they return in their own shapes to woo? ROSALINE. Good madam, if by me you'll be advis'd, Let's mock them still, as well known as disguis'd. Let us complain to them what fools were here, Disguis'd like Muscovites, in shapeless gear; And wonder what they were, and to what end Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penn'd, And their rough carriage so ridiculous, Should be presented at our tent to us. BOYET. Ladies, withdraw; the gallants are at hand. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Whip to our tents, as roes run o'er land. Exeunt PRINCESS, ROSALINE, KATHARINE, and MARIARe-enter the KING, BEROWNE, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN, in their proper habits KING. Fair sir, God save you! Where's the Princess? BOYET. Gone to her tent. Please it your Majesty Command me any service to her thither? KING. That she vouchsafe me audience for one word. BOYET. I will; and so will she, I know, my lord. Exit BEROWNE. This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons pease, And utters it again when God doth please. He is wit's pedlar, and retails his wares At wakes, and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs; And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know, Have not the grace to grace it with such show. This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve; Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve. 'A can carve too, and lisp; why this is he That kiss'd his hand away in courtesy; This is the ape of form, Monsieur the Nice, That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice In honourable terms; nay, he can sing A mean most meanly; and in ushering, Mend him who can. The ladies call him sweet; The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet. This is the flow'r that smiles on every one, To show his teeth as white as whales-bone; And consciences that will not die in debt Pay him the due of 'honey-tongued Boyet.' KING. A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart, That put Armado's page out of his part!Re-enter the PRINCESS, ushered by BOYET; ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE BEROWNE. See where it comes! Behaviour, what wert thou Till this man show'd thee? And what art thou now? KING. All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day! PRINCESS OF FRANCE. 'Fair' in 'all hail' is foul, as Iconceive. KING. Construe my speeches better, if you may. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Then wish me better; I will give you leave. KING. We came to visit you, and purpose now To lead you to our court; vouchsafe it then. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. This field shall hold me, and so hold yourvow: Nor God, nor I, delights in perjur'd men. KING. Rebuke me not for that which you provoke. The virtue of your eye must break my oath. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. You nickname virtue: vice you should have spoke; For virtue's office never breaks men's troth. Now by my maiden honour, yet as pure As the unsullied lily, I protest, A world of torments though I should endure, I would not yield to be your house's guest; So much I hate a breaking cause to be Of heavenly oaths, vowed with integrity. KING. O, you have liv'd in desolation here, Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Not so, my lord; it is not so, I swear; We have had pastimes here, and pleasant game; A mess of Russians left us but of late. KING. How, madam! Russians! PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Ay, in truth, my lord; Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state. ROSALINE. Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord. My lady, to the manner of the days, In courtesy gives undeserving praise. We four indeed confronted were with four In Russian habit; here they stayed an hour And talk'd apace; and in that hour, my lord, They did not bless us with one happy word. I dare not call them fools; but this I think, When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink. BEROWNE. This jest is dry to me. Fair gentle sweet, Your wit makes wise things foolish; when we greet, With eyes best seeing, heaven's fiery eye, By light we lose light; your capacity Is of that nature that to your huge store Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor. ROSALINE. This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye- BEROWNE. I am a fool, and full of poverty. ROSALINE. But that you take what doth to you belong, It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue. BEROWNE. O, I am yours, and all that I possess. ROSALINE. All the fool mine? BEROWNE. I cannot give you less. ROSALINE. Which of the vizards was it that you wore? BEROWNE. Where? when? what vizard? Why demand you this? ROSALINE. There, then, that vizard; that superfluous case That hid the worse and show'd the better face. KING. We were descried; they'll mock us now downright. DUMAIN. Let us confess, and turn it to a jest. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Amaz'd, my lord? Why looks your Highnesssad? ROSALINE. Help, hold his brows! he'll swoon! Why look you pale? Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy. BEROWNE. Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury. Can any face of brass hold longer out? Here stand I, lady- dart thy skill at me, Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout, Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance, Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit; And I will wish thee never more to dance, Nor never more in Russian habit wait. O, never will I trust to speeches penn'd, Nor to the motion of a school-boy's tongue, Nor never come in vizard to my friend, Nor woo in rhyme, like a blind harper's song. Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise, Three-pil'd hyperboles, spruce affectation, Figures pedantical- these summer-flies Have blown me full of maggot ostentation. I do forswear them; and I here protest, By this white glove- how white the hand, God knows! - Henceforth my wooing mind shall be express'd In russet yeas, and honest kersey noes. And, to begin, wench- so God help me, law! - My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw. ROSALINE. Sans 'sans,' I pray you. BEROWNE. Yet I have a trick Of the old rage; bear with me, I am sick; I'll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see- Write 'Lord have mercy on us' on those three; They are infected; in their hearts it lies; They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes. These lords are visited; you are not free, For the Lord's tokens on you do I see. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. No, they are free that gave these tokens tous. BEROWNE. Our states are forfeit; seek not to undo us. ROSALINE. It is not so; for how can this be true, That you stand forfeit, being those that sue? BEROWNE. Peace; for I will not have to do with you. ROSALINE. Nor shall not, if I do as I intend. BEROWNE. Speak for yourselves; my wit is at an end. KING. Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression Some fair excuse. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. The fairest is confession. Were not you here but even now, disguis'd? KING. Madam, I was. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. And were you well advis'd? KING. I was, fair madam. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. When you then were here, What did you whisper in your lady's ear? KING. That more than all the world I did respect her. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. When she shall challenge this, you willreject her. KING. Upon mine honour, no. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Peace, peace, forbear; Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear. KING. Despise me when I break this oath of mine. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. I will; and therefore keep it. Rosaline, What did the Russian whisper in your ear? ROSALINE. Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear As precious eyesight, and did value me Above this world; adding thereto, moreover, That he would wed me, or else die my lover. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. God give thee joy of him! The noble lord Most honourably doth uphold his word. KING. What mean you, madam? By my life, my troth, I never swore this lady such an oath. ROSALINE. By heaven, you did; and, to confirm it plain, You gave me this; but take it, sir, again. KING. My faith and this the Princess I did give; I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear; And Lord Berowne, I thank him, is my dear. What, will you have me, or your pearl again? BEROWNE. Neither of either; I remit both twain. I see the trick on't: here was a consent, Knowing aforehand of our merriment, To dash it like a Christmas comedy. Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany, Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick, That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick To make my lady laugh when she's dispos'd, Told our intents before; which once disclos'd, The ladies did change favours; and then we, Following the signs, woo'd but the sign of she. Now, to our perjury to add more terror, We are again forsworn in will and error. Much upon this it is; [To BOYET] and might not you Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue? Do not you know my lady's foot by th' squier, And laugh upon the apple of her eye? And stand between her back, sir, and the fire, Holding a trencher, jesting merrily? You put our page out. Go, you are allow'd; Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud. You leer upon me, do you? There's an eye Wounds like a leaden sword. BOYET. Full merrily Hath this brave manage, this career, been run. BEROWNE. Lo, he is tilting straight! Peace; I have done.Enter COSTARD