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One by one, Luke spent a moment with each of Sophia’s fragrances. Each one conjured up a memory of Sophia. From Luke’s vantage point, Dan had won the ultimate prize the day he married her. Luke snapped the top onto the last bottle and got back to the business of shaving the stubble off his face. He moved his head side to side and checked out the goatee that was taking shape. A couple of days more and it might actually look like something. He wondered if Sophia would like him with it. The minute that thought crossed his mind, he gripped each side of the sink, dropped his head and shook it.
Unacceptable, Brand!
The sooner he got back to his life in the corps, the better off he’d be. He didn’t make sense in civilian clothes. He sure as hell didn’t make sense when he was around Sophia; he needed to figure out a way to shove his feelings back into place. He had been doing it for years; it should be second nature. But it wasn’t. Keeping his heart closed to Sophia was like trying to stop his lungs from wanting to take in air. Whenever she was near him, he had an overwhelming urge to hold her face in his hands, look into those sweet hazel-green eyes and tell her that he loved her. That he had always loved her. Which would, of course, be the worst mistake of his life. His confession would freak Sophia out, and any plans he had to play a big role in his nephew’s life would get eighty-sixed. He couldn’t risk that happening. He just couldn’t risk it.
Luke stared down his own image in the mirror. “Maintain your military bearing, marine. That’s all you have to do. Maintain your military bearing.”
Luke pushed himself away from the sink and headed downstairs. Sophia smiled at him in greeting. She was on the phone; she mouthed the name “Tyler” and raised her eyebrows at him. He shook his head. There were five kids in the Brand clan, including him. Tyler was the middle child; he was sandwiched between two sets of twins; Dan and Luke were the oldest, and Jordan and Josephine were the youngest. Out of the three boys and two girls, Tyler had turned out to be the only true rancher in the bunch. He took after their dad, from his tall, lanky build to his love for the land. Luke was proud of him, looked forward to seeing him, but he wasn’t ready for a reunion just yet. His entire focus was on Sophia. The rest of the family had to take a backseat.
“Okay.” Sophia said into the phone after a pause. “Thanks for checking up on me. Tell your mom and dad that I’m fine. Danny and I are doing just fine.” She rested her hand on her stomach as she spoke those words. “Okay. I’m glad your uncle’s feeling better. And listen, have some fun while you’re there. Stop worrying about me. I’ll see you when you guys get back. All right. Bye, Tyler.”
Sophia hung up the phone. “You could have at least told Tyler you’re here. He’s as tight-lipped as you are.”
“And ruin the surprise?”
Luke said this with a deadpan expression. She could rarely read him, and this time was no different, but something in her gut told her that Luke’s early arrival didn’t have much to do with surprising his family. She just couldn’t figure out what else it could be.
She put the kettle on for tea. “I already got the third degree from my parents this morning...again. They want me to have this baby in Boston. I can’t really blame them, this is their first grandchild. But this is your parents’ first grandchild, too. And I don’t know...I think it’s more important for your parents because this is Daniel’s son.”
“No matter what you do, someone’s always gonna be ticked off.” Luke shrugged. “Do what’s best for you, make yourself happy; everyone else will fall in formation. Or not.”
Sophia smiled faintly. “You’re right. Not always easy to do, though. For me, anyway. Coffee?”
Luke nodded. She brought him a cup of black coffee. He was surprised she remembered that he didn’t take cream and sugar.
“Eggs okay?”
“I wish you’d stop waiting on me.”
“I wish you’d stop giving me a hard time about something I want to do. You’re actually doing me a favor. My days are packed in Boston with clients and meetings, friends, shopping. I’m used to being on my BlackBerry all of the time at home. I swear I’m having serious withdrawal because the reception is so bad here. I actually have to stand up on the window seat in my room and smash myself up against the wall in order to get just one lousy bar! I have to find stuff to do here, or I swear to you I’ll go stark raving mad.” She pulled eggs out of the fridge and located a pan. “I mean, your family’s great. Your mom, your dad, Tyler...all of them. They’ve been wonderful to me. But I’m a city girl. I’m used to keeping up the pace all day long. Coming and going as I please. Out here, I feel like I’m stuck in slow motion.” She paused from her task for a minute so she could punctuate her words with her hands. “Quite frankly, it’s driving me nuts. There are only so many sunsets I can admire, so much foliage I can appreciate. I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but bring on the traffic and the noise.” She dug in the cabinet for a bag of decaffeinated green tea. “And I can only hope that your parents aren’t going to want me to make this a permanent situation once Danny is born.”
Luke nodded. His mom just might try to convince Sophia to stay. His mom was all about family, and she would want to see Dan’s son grow. “It’s gotta be tough to be away from your business. Who’s taking care of your clients while you’re away?” Luke asked, before he took a sip of coffee.
Sophia started to scramble the eggs, just how he liked them. Another thing she had remembered about him. Dan only ate his fried.
“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, leaving the business. I’ve had horrible abandonment issues. What kind of therapist abandons her patients? Luckily I have a great group of therapists in our office who were willing to take on my patients. I still feel bad, though. Like I’m letting them down. Especially during the holidays. I’m booked between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. A lot of depression.” Sophia took the kettle off the stove and poured the piping-hot water over the tea bag.
“Dealing with your family can do that to a person.” Luke nodded.
“The holidays are a tough time. People get depressed if they have to spend time with family, and then other people get depressed if they don’t have family to make them miserable during the holidays. Either way, the holidays are a therapist’s busy season. Kind of like tax season for CPAs.” Sophia put the finished eggs on a plate and brought them to Luke. “Here ya go.”
“Tax time’s probably busy for you, too.”
That made Sophia smile. Lately, Luke had been having that effect on her. She liked it. “Come to think of it, I do get a boost during April.”
When Sophia leaned over to set the plate on the table, her arm brushed against Luke’s. The sensation of his skin against hers set off an instantaneous chain reaction; the fine hairs on her arm stood straight up on end, and wherever his skin had touched hers a trail of goose bumps popped up. Horrified, she immediately started to rub her arm to smooth the goose bumps away.
Luke admired the food on his plate. “This looks really good. Thanks.”
“My pleasure.” She turned away from him. “Hey... Where’s Ranger?”
“I put him in the bathroom. He needs to use the head,” he said, then corrected himself. “I mean the facilities.”
“Gotcha.” Sophia smiled; she continued to rub her arm.
Luke noticed the rubbing, of course. Had to comment, of course. “You cold? I’ll get a fire started if you want.”
Sophia looked down at her arm. She wasn’t cold, but what was she going to say, “The feel of your skin on mine gave me goose bumps, Luke”? Not likely! Instead she said, “I’d like that. Tyler or your dad would always build me a fire. I’ve missed them. Do you need anything else? Toast? Orange juice?”
“I’m good. Thanks.”
“Then I’m gonna check on Ranger. Maybe he’ll be brave enough to explore downstairs today.” That little kitten had been a great distraction. She needed a reason to get away from Luke and the bizarre, completely unacceptable feelings he kicked up inside of her; Ranger was a perfect excuse. This reaction she was having to Luke was starting to get really old. She was obviously having some sort of emotional transference brought on by the fact that Luke looked exactly, for the most part, like Daniel. And it was obvious that she missed Daniel and was transferring some of her unrequited desire on to his twin! It had to be that. She didn’t want Luke.
“No. Of course you don’t,” she said under her breath as she climbed the stairs.
Luke had always been a pain. He had always given her a hard time. He was nothing like Daniel, except for the outside package. And even that wasn’t exactly the same. Case in point: a nearly naked Luke had looked quite a bit different than a nearly naked Daniel. Okay, perhaps that wasn’t the best example she could have thought of. But still!
Sophia reached the top of the stairs and put her hands on her hips as if she were scolding a small child. “You want him to be Daniel. But he’s not Daniel. He never will be Daniel, so you really need to get a grip, Sophia!” Her psychology degrees were starting to come in handy; she could psychoanalyze herself.
Sophia opened the bathroom door, and Ranger was more than ready to be let out. He dashed out with a trill, wound his way around her ankles and rubbed his head against her leg.
“Hi, buddy.” Before Sophia could reach down over her belly to pet him, Ranger voiced another excited trill, stuck his tail straight up in the air and zoomed down the stairs without a moment of hesitation.
She stared after him for a moment, bemused. “He’s going to be an absolute terror.”
He’d probably do the family a lot of good during the holidays. This would be the first Christmas without Daniel. Perhaps having a crazy kitten in the mix would distract them all.
Before she went back downstairs, Sophia stopped off at the medicine cabinet to pick out the day’s fragrance. Unfortunately, none of the self-talk up the stairs stopped her from wondering which fragrance Luke would like.
Irritated, she reached for Daniel’s favorite, sprayed it on and went downstairs with a renewed determination not to have any bizarre reactions to Luke.
She found Luke standing in front of the giant bay window that overlooked the ranch. He was staring out at the horizon and seemed to be lost in thought.
“Mission accomplished with the kitty box. Did he come through here?”
“Yeah.” One side of his mouth lifted. Sophia could tell by that one small gesture that the kitten cracked Luke up. “He went tearing through here, ran headfirst into the cabinets, shook it off like nothing happened, jumped up a foot in the air, spun around and went flying back toward the library.”
“That kitten is a menace. Your dad is going to hit the roof when he sees him.” Sophia laughed. She picked up her tea and walked over to stand next to Luke. Perhaps she stood closer to him than she should have, but once she was there, she didn’t have any desire to be anywhere else.
“At first. But he’s always the one who gets attached the quickest,” Luke said as he continued to stare at the horizon.
“It must feel good to be home, especially with all of this,” she said of the snowcapped mountains in the distance. “It’s getting a bit old for me, but this is your home.”
Again, Luke was quiet, as he often was. He stood stock-still, but Sophia could feel his body become tense beside her. She almost moved away, worried she was invading his space, but something made her stay put.
All Luke could do was keep his eyes trained forward. He wanted nothing more than to drape his arm around Sophia’s shoulders and pull her close until her body was molded into his. She was wearing his favorite fragrance. She smelled like citrus and freshly cut grass, and he wanted to bury his face in her neck and breathe her in.
And then she would slap me.
Luke shook his head at himself before he drained his cup.
“What?” Sophia noticed him shaking his head.
“Nothing. I think it’s time for a fire.”
There was something raw in his voice that quickened her pulse. She nodded her head and put some distance between herself and Luke. “I’m going to check my email real quick and then I’ll be back down.”
They both went their separate ways, headed in two completely different directions. No matter how hard Sophia tried, she couldn’t stop her body from reacting to Luke. And it seemed that little Danny was having his own reaction to his uncle’s voice. Was it her imagination, or did her baby seem to get more active whenever Luke was around?
Being around Luke was tying her up in knots on the inside. She felt like an absolute lunatic. She was hormonal and grieving, away from her friends and family, and now she was faced with her husband’s twin. No wonder she was confused. But she had to make sense of it all and do it quickly. After all, Luke had never liked her, not from the very first day that Daniel had introduced them to each other. If he had even a remote clue what was in her head, he’d dislike her even more. This tentative truce he had forged with her for Daniel’s sake would be ruined.
She smoothed her hand over her stomach. “We’re not going to let that happen, are we, Danny boy? No. We’re not.”
More than anything, she wanted Luke to be a big part of her son’s life. She couldn’t screw it up. She wouldn’t let herself screw it up. Instead of booting up her laptop, Sophia did something she rarely allowed herself to do; she curled up on the bed, buried her face into a pillow and cried.
After she cried, she slept. And both activities seemed to do her a world of good. When she awakened an hour later she felt a million times better, and she went downstairs with a renewed sense of purpose. It wasn’t like her to let things eat at her. She liked to bring things out in the open; clear the air. That was just the way she was; that was the therapist in her. And, even though Luke wasn’t exactly the most approachable guy in the world, she wanted to believe that his bark was really much more serious than his bite. She was just going to have to tell him how she was feeling, and he was just going to have to listen. Like it or not.
Sophia found Luke in the library. The fire had died down and the library felt to her as if she was slipping into a warm bath. It was the perfect temperature. Luke was sitting on one end of an overstuffed couch, head back, eyes shut. Ranger was perched on the armrest beside him. When Ranger saw her, he trilled but didn’t move.
“Nice fire,” she said.
“Hmm.” That was the extent of Luke’s reply.
Sophia sat down at the other end of the couch. She sank deep into the cushions and realized that she wasn’t getting back up unless Luke agreed to pull her out. Sophia slid her butt forward and leaned back. She rested her hands on her belly.
“My friends tell me it’s perfectly normal to get tired of being pregnant.” She sighed. “I look like I swallowed a basketball, but at least I have a comfortable place to rest my hands.” She smiled at herself after she said that.
“Hmm.”
“Are you even listening to me?”
Luke cracked an eye open. “No.”
Sophia grabbed a pillow and smacked him in the head with it. “Thanks a lot, Luke. That’s really sensitive!”
She saw his chest moving; saw the corner of his upper lip lift. The man was actually chuckling. Amazing. Rare. She hit him again.
Luke glanced over at her. “When has anyone ever accused me of being sensitive?”
Sophia raised an eyebrow at him. “Good point.”
After a minute, exasperated, she said. “Luke! Aren’t you going to say ‘you don’t look like you swallowed a basketball’?”
Luke pushed himself up so suddenly that it caught her off guard. He leaned forward and turned his head toward her. He had a hard, exasperated look on his face. “You don’t look like you swallowed a basketball, Sophia,” Luke said in a clipped manner; his hand sliced the air as he spoke. “And, honestly, I don’t like to hear you say sh...stuff like that about yourself. You’re a beautiful woman who looks better eight months pregnant than most women I know who aren’t pregnant. If you need to put yourself down, don’t do it around me anymore.”
Sophia was taken aback by Luke’s words. Shocked, actually. Just when she thought he was a total jerk, Luke would throw her a curve ball and prove her wrong.
She saluted him. “Aye, aye, el Capitan.”
Luke shook his head slightly at her sarcasm before he leaned back into the couch once again. “Can we enjoy the fire now?”
Sophia didn’t agree because she had an agenda, but Luke didn’t seem to require her consent. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply.
She wasn’t completely heartless; she would give him a few moments of quiet before she approached him about the main issue on her mind. He seemed to be in a pretty good mood; no time like the present was a personal motto.
After a couple minutes, Sophia pushed herself up into a more upright position and turned her body so she could look at Luke’s profile.
“Luke?”
“Hmm.”
“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
It took several long seconds for Luke to respond. No doubt he didn’t like the phrase, “I have something to talk to you about.”
“This isn’t what I meant by ‘enjoying the fire.’”
“It’s important to me.” She tapped her finger to her chest, not deterred by the abrasive tone of his voice.
With a sigh, Luke rubbed his hands over his face several times. “What’s on your mind?”
Sophia had been mulling over in her mind how she should bring up the subject. There didn’t really seem to be any diplomatic way to broach it. Honestly, the direct approach seemed to be her only real option. Besides, Luke was a more “in your face” kind of guy. He was a marine. He’d probably appreciate her not beating around the bush.
“Well, it’s like this.” She held out her hand. “And I really hope you don’t take offense, Luke, because I’m not trying to hurt your feelings...”
“Before I’m ninety, Soph.”
“Quit rushing me!” she replied, “I want to make sure that when I’ve said what I have to say that you’re not going to feel bad....”
“Sophia...”
“Fine. Here goes.” Sophia paused, took in a deep breath, then let the deep breath out, before she said, “Luke... I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but your face really bothers me.”
Chapter Four
After the words popped out of her mouth, Sophia felt immediately relieved. Unloaded. It felt really good to get that off her chest.
There, she thought proudly. It’s good for relationship growth to get things out in the open.
She had absolutely no doubt that this would be good for both of them. They would have an open and honest dialogue about their feelings; about Daniel. About being together without him. Of course, she had never had a serious discussion with Luke before, but after all, Luke and Daniel were twins, right? There had to be some similarities in the way they resolved problems.
Daniel was great when it came to hashing things out.And he always had something relevant to say that let her know that he’d really listened to her and that he’d thought about his answer. He never dismissed her. It was one of the many things that she had truly admired about her husband.
Just like Daniel, Luke was taking his time before he responded. He hadn’t moved; his eyes were still closed, his head was still resting on the cushion. No doubt he was trying to think of the perfect thing to say....
Sophia sank back into the couch, rested her head in her hand and, for the first time she could remember, she really looked at Luke. Her eyes roamed his profile and naturally took an inventory of all of the little Daniel details she loved.
Those were Daniel’s ears. One of her favorites spots to nibble on when they made love. So sensitive. It made her wonder, irrationally, if Luke’s ears were sensitive, too.
Silly thought.
Of course, the dent in the middle of Luke’s nose, which made him look like a prizefighter, didn’t mirror Daniel’s nose. Daniel’s nose had been unaltered from the original design.
By the time her eyes landed on the faint, long scar that ran the length of Luke’s jawline, it hit her that Luke was taking an excessive amount of time to respond to her statement.
Sophia opened her mouth to say his name, but clamped it back shut when she heard Luke take in a deep breath through his nose that sounded suspiciously like a snore.
Sophia reached over and poked him in the arm with her finger. “Luke!”
“Hmm?”
“Did you just fall asleep?”
After a long pause. “No.”
“Yes, you did!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!” she snapped. Typical Luke behavior! Once again, she had given him more credit than he deserved. She had opened her heart, revealed something very personal to her, and he was snoring!
She would have thought at this point the man would have the decency to open his eyes. He didn’t. Luke didn’t move, but Ranger did. The kitten used his back leg to scratch an itch underneath his chin before he moved over to sit on Luke’s chest. Ranger plopped down and curled up into a tight ball. Luke didn’t bother to move.
“Luke!” she said forcefully.
“What?” Now he sounded irritated.
“You fell asleep!”
After a few ticks of the grandfather clock and a few loud Ranger purrs, Luke cracked an eye open and looked at her. “Then, why’d you wake me up?”
Her mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”
“You bet.”
He used that abrasive tone that always rubbed her the wrong way, and she felt her blood pressure soar. She wasn’t here to play naughty “recruit” to his bad boy “drill sergeant”! She felt like punching him and she wished, at the moment, that she had a violent streak.
Was this some sort of bizarre pregnancy rage, or was Luke just that infuriating to her?
“Luke.” Her tone was snappy and she didn’t try to curb it. “We were in the middle of a conversation.”
Luke stretched, yawned and then stretched again. Finally, his eyes were open. He turned his full attention to Sophia, examined her through heavy-lidded eyes.
“We were?”
Sophia lifted up both her hands and splayed out her fingers. “Yes! We were! I said that your face bothered me.” When she repeated the phrase out loud, it sounded comical to her own ears, but she didn’t laugh as she continued. “Didn’t you hear me?”
“I heard you.” He had the audacity to sound irritated with her. She wasn’t the one who had fallen asleep in the middle of an important conversation.
She found herself glaring at him. “And?”
“And what?”
“And... What do you have to say about it?”
Luke rubbed his hands over his face, sighed heavily and finally turned his intense gaze back to her. “What do you want me to say? Oh, wait... How ’bout this. You’re the therapist. Why don’t you tell me what I should have said, since you obviously have my response all planned out for me.”
“No.” Her words were clipped and articulated with precision. “I didn’t have your response planned out for you, thank you kindly. I was waiting for you to add something constructive to the conversation. A temporary lapse of reason, quite obviously!”
“That was a conversation?”
“Luke! Now you’re just being thickheaded! Do you have anything to say or not?”
“No.”
“Nothing at all?” Her tone was incredulous; her eyebrows were lifted in disbelief. She told the man that his face bothered her and he had nothing to say?
“What’s your problem?” she demanded.
Finally, Luke was paying full attention to her. He held on to Ranger as he sat upright. The features of his handsome face hardened; his lips were downturned into a frown. His eyes were dark and unreadable.
“I’m not the one with the problem.” His tone was sharp, controlled. Slightly mocking. “Your face doesn’t bother me all that much.”
Sophia was silent; her mind raced to craft the perfect sarcastic retort. She stared at him; he stared back at her. Finally, she let out an exasperated noise and tried to push herself into a standing position. She wanted to stomp out of the room in a flurry of righteous indignation, but her belly was in the way, so it just wasn’t happening for her. Instead, she held out her hand with an irritated sigh.