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After his visiting time with Timmy was up, he went to the waiting room. Shaye wasn’t there, though her coat hung beside his on the rack. By the time he crossed to the window to look down on the lamplit street, Shaye came through the door, her arms full of pillows and blankets.
“I thought we might need these.”
He’d been in such shock when he’d first arrived, confused by his sister’s decision, that he hadn’t completely appreciated Shaye’s beauty. In spite of that, her presence had impacted him and now he realized why. Her silky burnished-brown hair moved around her face when she walked. He’d seen amber mined from the earth that was the rich color of her golden-brown eyes. When he was close enough to her, he could just make out the smattering of almost invisible freckles on her cheeks. From what he could tell, she didn’t use makeup to try to cover anything, and he liked that natural look. Now, as she walked across the room, he couldn’t help but admire her trim figure.
He glanced again at her arms full of blankets and pillows. There was one long sofa in the waiting room and several chairs.
“I’ll push two of the chairs together,” Dylan told her as he slipped a pillow and blanket from her arms.
“You won’t be able to sleep like that.”
“I’ve slept on worse. Don’t forget, I’m used to a tent.”
“Whether you want to admit it or not,” Shaye argued with him, “you’re practically dead on your feet. I’m not there yet, but getting there fast.”
She glanced at the sofa. “I checked to see if they had any of those recliners we could wheel in, but they’re all in use. We’ll have to share. From the looks of the sofa, we can both stretch out.” When she added the last with a little smile, he realized he liked her positive outlook. He liked a lot of things about her.
“We can try it,” he said doubtfully. “On the other hand, you could go back to your place and get a good night’s sleep. I’ll call you if anything happens.”
“Or you could go back to your place and I could call you.”
Already Dylan knew Shaye wouldn’t budge on this. “The sofa it is,” he decided, going to it and shaking out the blanket.
The whole idea of sharing the sofa seemed like a common sense one until Shaye plunked on one end and looked at him as if to figure out how to accomplish the feat.
“You can put your legs on the inside,” he suggested.
Propping her pillow against the arm of the sofa, she swung her legs up close to the back. “It’s a good thing this is wide.”
“And long,” Dylan remarked, lying back against his pillow.
After he swung his feet up beside Shaye’s hip, he crossed one over the other to take up less room. She was small and he was long. Somehow they seemed to fit like two puzzle pieces. The thing was, his legs were smack against hers. Even with corduroy and denim between them, he found he couldn’t help but imagine the curve of her leg, the probable smoothness of her skin.
Aroused, he picked up the blanket and tossed it over them. He’d simply been without a woman for too long. That was all. However, as he lay there, he could smell the traces of a sweet, rose-scented perfume that did as much to arouse him as her leg against his. He’d noticed it earlier and wondered if it was shampoo or lotion or perfume. Wondering about it brought other visions he didn’t want to entertain—Shaye smoothing lotion on her arms, Shaye dabbing perfume on her pulse points, Shaye under the shower washing her hair…
Damn! He must be more than sleep deprived if he couldn’t control the path of his thoughts. Dylan considered himself flexible, but he always liked to be in control. Since he’d returned to Wild Horse Junction, he didn’t seem to have any control. He’d left the small town to run his own life…to find freedom…to take what he wanted in a world that was so big he couldn’t explore it all.
Uncomfortable silence filled the waiting room. Dylan didn’t move, not wanting to remind himself of how close Shaye was. His mind told him to close his eyes so his body could sleep.
Instead of closing his eyes, curiosity nudged him to ask, “You said you have another brother besides Randall?”
“Yes, I do.”
“What does the other one do?”
“John manages the feed store.”
“Is he married?”
“Nope.”
His mind wandered back to their dinner at Randall and Barb’s. “You were great around your brother’s kids. It’s obvious they like you to visit.”
“I try to spend Sunday evenings with them.”
He had never been around kids at all. Although Shaye’s mother had died, she knew a lot about being a mother from a practical standpoint.
Veering off that track, he suddenly wanted to know more. “How did you survive growing up with a house full of males?”
She laughed, a soft musical sound that seemed to ripple through him. “It wasn’t easy. I often felt as if I were on an alien planet. But I have two really good friends who I’ve known since grade school. They were my ‘sisters.’ Once all of us started riding bikes, we could get to each other’s places. I had plenty of girl-time with them.”
“The three of you are still friends?”
“I don’t know what I’d do without them. When I got the call about Julia… They both stayed with me the first day until I finally shooed them off. Gwen, Kylie and I have been through a lot. We’re always there for each other.”
Shaye’s life was hard for Dylan to fathom. She had lots of family and close friends. He had friends, but they were colleagues, not anyone he’d turn to in times of trouble.
Tomorrow he’d have to tend to Julia’s memorial service, contact Will Grayson’s widowed mother to find out if she wanted to have the service separately or together.
After a considering moment, he asked Shaye, “Was Julia happy?”
Shaye’s voice was gentle. “Yes, she was happy. Couldn’t you tell?”
“The last couple of years, I didn’t know if she was just putting on her party face when I was in town. She seemed happy when she e-mailed me. She told me about everything she and Will did together when they weren’t working. Was that real or was she just filling the screen so I’d have something to read?”
“It was real. She and Will liked being together and I rarely saw them apart. When Will found out she was pregnant, he brought home balloons and a teddy bear that was almost as tall as Julia was. They were very happy, Dylan. Never doubt that.”
The week ahead loomed like a dark specter. “I’m going to have to go through her things.”
“Yes, you are. It might be easier to pack them up and put them in storage, then wait a few months till you actually sort them. When my mom died, my dad left her things alone for months. Then slowly, my brothers and I would see a carton go to Goodwill…a few weeks later, another one. Everyone deals with grief in his or her own way.”
Dylan remembered the nights he’d spent in foster care after their parents had died, when he’d been separated from Julia. He hadn’t been able to cry. His eyes had stung, his body had felt heavy with a monumental weight. After a few zombie-like days, he’d begun planning how he would see his sister again, how he would make a life for the two of them. He’d always been a man of action and that was the hardest part of watching Timmy in the NICU. There was absolutely nothing Dylan could do.
Shaye shifted, her hip brushing his leg. “Sorry,” she murmured.
“Don’t worry about it,” he returned automatically, then finally closed his eyes. If he slept, he could escape everything for a few hours.
When he awakened, he’d know what to do.
Six hours later Dylan knew he’d slept in the deep, dreamless world he needed. Glancing at the window, he saw the barest hint of light in the gray sky.
Unable to help himself, his gaze fell on Shaye. She hadn’t moved much, either. Her face was turned toward the back of the sofa, her hair spreading out over the pillow. His fingers suddenly itched to touch it.
Not wanting those yearnings to start all over again, he lowered his feet to the floor.
Coming awake, Shaye hiked herself up on her elbows until she was sitting against the arm of the sofa.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.” He studied his watch, the hands visible under the light of the lamp that had burned all night.
“I should find one of the nurses and see how Timmy’s doing.”
“They would have come for us if there had been a change.”
Running a hand through her hair, Shaye swung her legs to the floor. She was close enough that their knees brushed, close enough that his shoulder would graze hers if he leaned a little toward her.
Quickly she ran her fingers through her hair again. “I must look a sight.”
“You look fine.” Very fine. His body was humming a song he didn’t know. He’d wanted to kiss women before but not in this same high-potency, high-need kind of way.
So he didn’t touch her. Instead he rubbed his hand over his beard stubble. “I need a shave.”
“You shaved last night.” Her cheeks reddened because her comment told him she’d noticed.
“If I grew a beard, life would be a lot simpler.”
“Do you ever grow a beard?” she asked.
“Sometimes when I’m on a shoot.”
Sitting like this, he thought he felt the desire in her to touch him, just as he had a desire to touch her. Should he find out? Maybe if he quelled his curiosity, he wouldn’t have such a strong reaction to her. Maybe he wouldn’t get aroused every time he breathed her in.
“Do you wear perfume?” he murmured.
Her eyes still on his, she shook her head. “Lotion and powder.”
“What’s it called?”
“Rose Glory.”
He wasn’t sure exactly what happened then—if he reached out to touch her hair or if she leaned into him. The shadowy haze of night, the hush of early morning wrapped around them, creating a world apart. Dylan’s hand clasped her shoulder and when he bent his head, she turned her face up to his. There was a bond between them that had to do with Julia and Timmy and everything they’d both lost. But there was something else, too…electricity that only had to do with the two of them. It zipped and sizzled now as his lips neared hers, as he noticed her wide-eyed look of longing, as he thought about what kissing a woman like Shaye would mean.
Kissing a woman like Shaye. He must be out of his mind!
Dropping his hand away from her and raising his head, he knew he had to give an explanation. “We don’t want to start something we can’t finish.”
Looking startled, it took her a moment to grasp the meaning of his words. Then she blinked and rose to her feet. “There’s nothing to start. There’s nothing to finish. I’m going to see if Timmy’s doctor came into the hospital yet.”
Before Dylan could agree that that was a good idea, she hurried out the door and down the hall.
Standing, Dylan decided not to go after her. He’d get them some black coffee instead so they’d be ready for whatever came next.
Chapter Three
When Dylan came into the NICU Saturday morning, Shaye’s pulse raced.
He was later than usual this morning. Most days he arrived about 8:00 a.m. Already it was midmorning.
“How is he?” Dylan asked. Those were usually his first words to her, sometimes his only words.
“Dr. Carrera seems pleased with the lab results.”
Dylan’s appearance was stark against all the white of the hospital. He wore a black turtleneck today with black jeans and boots. Although she was trying not to react to his presence, her heart sped faster and a cogent excitement she’d never experienced before seemed to fill her body…especially when he came closer and stood at the foot of Timmy’s bed.
This week had taken its toll on Dylan. There were more lines etched beside his eyes and his mouth, a weariness that had more to do with grief than with fatigue. They’d been avoiding each other ever since he’d almost kissed her, wandering to other parts of the hospital rather than being in the waiting room together. Most of all, they definitely hadn’t spent another night in the same vicinity.
Yesterday at Julia and Will’s memorial, Shaye’s heart had broken for Dylan as he’d endured the service. She’d watched as he’d said goodbye to Will’s mother who was returning to Nebraska that evening. He’d been stoic but she’d known how he hurt inside because she hurt, too.
Shaye rose to her feet.
Before she turned away, Dylan caught her arm. “You don’t have to go.”
His fingers seemed to scorch through her blouse. The sensation shook her. She knew better than to get involved with a man like him, a man who was here one day and gone the next.
After he dropped his hand, however, she didn’t move. Something about Dylan today was pulling her toward him rather than urging her to run away.
“I scattered Julia’s ashes this morning.” His anguish was mirrored in his eyes.
“Where?” she asked gently.
“She had a favorite spot on Bear Ridge, about a mile south of town. We hiked there, had picnics, just sat and talked. That’s where she told me she was pregnant.” Shoving his hands into his pockets, he went on, “I couldn’t just bury the ashes. I wanted her to be in a place she loved. Do you know what I mean?”
Shaye’s chest was so tight she could hardly breathe. “I know exactly what you mean.” Reaching out, she touched his arm this time. “I know doing that had to be hard for you.”
When he looked away, she saw his throat work and she wished they were alone somewhere, alone where they could really talk.
Dr. Carrera entered the NICU and saw them. Chart in hand, he checked the monitors and the readouts around Timmy. “I have good news. I’m going to take Timmy off the ventilator, but I want the two of you out of here. I’ll send someone to the waiting room to let you know when you can come back in.”
If Timmy could breathe on his own, Shaye just knew everything would be all right.
“Go on, now,” the doctor said with a smile. “Go get some breakfast or lunch.”
“Coffee would be good,” Dylan agreed, his gaze on his nephew, worry etching his brows. Then he turned and headed into the hall.
“If we go to the cafeteria for coffee rather than getting it from the vending machine,” he said over his shoulder, his voice rough, “it might taste like more than colored water.”
Shaye followed him, feeling his turmoil and his hope.
As they passed the nurses’ desk, one of the nurses looked up. “Mr. Malloy, we had a message for you.” She handed him a slip of paper. “He said he couldn’t reach you on your cell phone.”
After scanning it, he told Shaye, “Since I can’t use my cell phone in the hospital, I have to find a pay phone and make a call. Go ahead to the cafeteria. I’ll meet you there.”
In a way, Shaye was relieved to be going to the cafeteria on her own. She felt such a tugging toward Dylan that she needed a reserve of energy to resist it. Over the past few days she couldn’t help imagining what a kiss of his would be like and she couldn’t keep from picturing what might have happened if he hadn’t pulled away.
Nothing would have happened, she told herself now.
She’d never indulged in quick affairs. She hadn’t slept with a man since Chad had broken up with her her…since she’d learned his grant in India was more important than she was…that his career didn’t include dragging a wife everywhere he went. He’d pulled the proverbial wool over her eyes and she’d felt like a fool. Sure, she’d tried dating. No man had lit an inner fire. No man had tempted her to give up her life as she knew it. At twenty-nine, she realized she was as set in her ways as any woman her age.
When she entered the cafeteria, she headed toward the beverage area. A few minutes later she was sitting at a table, staring into a cup of coffee when a cheery voice said, “Only one cup if you don’t put any food in your stomach.”
The sound of Gwen Langworthy’s voice always made Shaye smile. Looking up into her friend’s beautiful dark brown eyes, she asked, “What are you doing here on a Saturday?”
“One of my patients delivered her baby this morning. I stopped in the NICU to see if you were there but the nurse told me you’d come down here. Are you okay?”
“Timmy’s coming off the ventilator. I’m fine.”
Gwen was a nurse practitioner, specializing in obstetrics. “Off the vent! That’s great. You’ll be taking him home soon.”
Both Gwen and Kylie had called Shaye often over the past week, offering their support and their presence if she wanted it. Usually Shaye loved spending time with her friends but between her visits to Timmy and the turmoil Dylan caused, she had just wanted to try to sort it all out on her own.
“I hope so,” she breathed fervently.
Pushing her mop of curly dark auburn hair away from her face, Gwen asked, “You don’t think Julia’s brother’s going to contest custody, do you?”
“I don’t think so, but he—” She stopped because at that moment Dylan walked into the cafeteria.
When he saw the two of them, he gave a slight wave to Shaye and went to buy coffee of his own.
As he was paying for it, Shaye said, “That’s Dylan Malloy.”
Gwen’s eyebrows arched and she looked at Shaye curiously. “Is he the reason you haven’t wanted us around this past week?”
“I always want you around,” she protested. “I just had things to sort out.”
Gwen put up her hand to stop her excuse. “I was kidding.” She took another look at Dylan. “But now I’m wondering if he doesn’t have something to do with those things you were sorting out.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! You know what he does for a living.”
“Yes, but I can also see he has enough sex appeal to stoke the fantasies of every woman in Wild Horse Junction.”
As Dylan came toward them, Shaye knew Gwen was right. There was something very sensual about Dylan in the way he moved, in the way he talked and in the way he looked at her.
While he approached them, Shaye felt all her senses come alive in a way they didn’t when he wasn’t around. “Dylan, this is Gwen Langworthy. We’ve been friends since we were kids.”
“It’s good to meet you,” Dylan acknowledged, extending his hand to Gwen.
She shook it quickly. “It’s good to meet you, too. I’m sorry about Julia.”
“Thank you. If I’m interrupting…” he started.
“Oh, no,” Gwen assured him. “I have to be going. I just wanted to check in on Shaye.” Leaning down, Gwen gave her a hug. “Take care of yourself,” she murmured. “If you need to talk, call.”
“I will.”
Then, with another smile for them both, Gwen left the cafeteria and Dylan sat in the chair across from Shaye.
Watching him, Shaye noticed Dylan didn’t give her friend a second look, which was unusual. Gwen was beautiful with her curly hair, her deep brown eyes, her figure rounded in all the right places. Shaye and Kylie had always admired their friend’s attributes. But Gwen played them down. Ever since her fiancé had left her at the altar, Gwen had withdrawn from the dating scene.
“Phone call all taken care of?” she asked.
“Derek, a journalist who was with me on the shoot in Tasmania, left that message at the nurses’ desk. My publishing house is moving up the timetable on the book we’re working on.”
“What were you photographing in Tasmania?”
A smile the likes of which she hadn’t seen before brightened Dylan’s face. “Gray kangaroos.”
“What kind of book are you working on?”
“A coffee-table book of wildlife around the globe—reindeer in Scotland, hippos in Botswana and orangutans in Borneo. We even did some underwater photography for the book.”
“You like to take risks,” she said, not approving.
“I don’t take unnecessary risks. I do like to get as close as I can get to my subjects. It’s one of the signature elements in my photos. It’s how I keep working.”
“Which do you like most—the danger or the travel?” Her question wasn’t meant to be a challenge. She was really interested.
“I don’t know if I can separate them. As I said, it’s not the danger than I crave, it’s my interest in my subject that takes me where I need to be.”
“I can’t believe that you and Julia were so different. She liked being a teacher, going to school every day. That must seem boring to you.”
“Julia felt safer with a definite schedule. That came from having our lives torn apart. She liked her day structured from the outside, I just organize mine from the inside. My life seems random but it’s not. I know exactly what I’m doing and where I’m going.”
As they were talking, Shaye couldn’t help but admit that Dylan was a fascinating man. She couldn’t begin to understand why she was attracted to him because she knew she shouldn’t be. Maybe she reacted to him so strongly because they’d been thrust into a high-crisis situation and bonded because of it.
After a few long swallows of coffee, he suggested, “Maybe we should go back upstairs.”
She knew what he was thinking. If they were upstairs, they’d be closer if anything went wrong with Timmy. She was praying nothing would go wrong.
When they returned to the floor where the NICU was located, Shaye greeted the nurses they passed as they walked along the hall.
“You said your father is a cardiologist. Do you run into him much here?” Dylan asked.
“No, just now and then. He’s usually in an operating room or consulting. Dad doesn’t see Randall much, either, even though they both spend a lot of time here at the hospital. It’s just not Dad’s way.” Shaye wished her father could be more in tune with all of them, but he wasn’t and she’d gotten used to that.
In the waiting room, she tried to concentrate on a magazine rather than another conversation with Dylan. However, he paced and she couldn’t help but watch him as he did. She couldn’t help but picture him in the wild, riding an elephant, camouflaging himself in the brush, hiking where other men wouldn’t go.
When they heard footsteps in the hall, Shaye hoped they belonged to Dr. Carrera. The middle-aged neonatologist came into the waiting room with a slight smile on his face. It was the first Shaye had seen since this whole situation had begun.
“How did it go?” she asked, worry sticking in her throat.
“He’s breathing on his own.”
Dylan moved close to her then, so close their arms brushed. “Can we see him?” he asked.
“For a few minutes. The lab results are promising, too.”
Shaye experienced such relief she almost felt dizzy with it. To her surprise, Dylan settled his arm around her shoulders. “Let’s go.”
The contact felt right and she didn’t stop to analyze why.
As they sat with Timmy, they reached to touch him. Sadness gripped Shaye when she thought about Julia and Will never holding their son, never feeding him, never kissing him good-night. Shaye couldn’t wait until she could actually hold Timmy in her arms and she wondered if Dylan felt that way, too.
They didn’t talk much except to comment on a monitor or readout, but their gazes met often and quiet understanding passed between them. They both had this child’s best interests at heart.
When their allotted visiting time was up, they returned to the waiting room again, which had become a second home.
“Are you hungry?” Shaye asked, feeling pangs of hunger for the first time in several days.
“Actually, I am,” Dylan responded with a smile as if he were surprised.
“If you’d like to come back to my place, I can make us something to eat. I thought you might like to see where Timmy will be living. All the hours I’ve been waiting here, I’ve been planning what I’m going to do with my spare room.”
He took a few moments to respond, as if he was coming to grips with her guardianship of his nephew. “Do you have groceries at your place?” he asked. “We could stop on the way.”
“Grocery shopping is probably a good idea. We can call the hospital once we get to my town house to make sure everything is still okay.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
They both drove their cars to the grocery store and Shaye was glad of that. Being cooped up with Dylan inside a vehicle would be altogether too nerve-tingling. However, the trip through the store was almost as bad. They only used one cart, and he pushed it. The sensation of shopping with Dylan should have seemed strange, but somehow it didn’t. Their hips bumped as they walked down the canned goods aisle.