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When his father straightened, Sean looked up at him, dark eyes wide and questioning. He was a beautiful little boy and would grow into a handsome man, just like his father. She wondered if he’d also inherited Gavin’s intensity, determination and charm. All of that would help him be successful in the weeks of therapy ahead.
Gavin ran his hand over the boy’s dark hair. “Daddy needs to talk to M.J., son. You stay with Lenore.” When Sean pointed to his dinosaurs, Gavin said, “That’s right. Have fun with your toys.”
The boy shook his head, then pointed to Gavin and his dinosaurs.
“I can’t play right now, buddy. Later.” He looked at her. “We can talk in my office.”
She didn’t miss the flash of disappointment on the child’s face before Gavin put his hand at the small of her back and urged her from the room. She accompanied him down a hall and into an office that was as elegant as it was masculine. The walls were oak-paneled, with a matching desk dominating the center of the hunter-green carpet. One wall was entirely windows with French doors looking out on the ocean.
Two leather wing chairs were in front of the desk and he indicated she should sit.
Gavin took off his suit coat and draped it across the high back of the desk chair. He sat across from her, loosened his red tie and rolled up the long sleeves of his white dress shirt to just below the elbows. As if that wasn’t masculine enough, she noticed that his jaw was dark with five o’clock shadow. It gave him a dangerous look that set off a fluttering sensation in her stomach. Again her survival instincts were telling her to run, but this time for a different reason.
“So,” Gavin said, folding his hands on the desk. “Thanks for coming. Can I ask what changed your mind?”
She wanted to tell him he was free to ask, but she didn’t have to answer. Except, given her firm, outspoken objection to his offer, it was a fair question. That didn’t mean he was entitled to the whole truth. “Let’s just call it a moment of weakness.”
He studied her for several seconds, then shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter. The point is you’re here. And I’m grateful.”
Don’t be, she wanted to say. “Sean’s injury was to the left side of his brain,” she said, getting straight to the point. They had no reason to do small talk.
“Yes. How did you know?”
“That’s where language function is controlled.”
Gavin nodded and his expression was grim. “He used to be a chatterbox.”
“With TBI, or traumatic brain injury,” she added, although probably he’d heard the term more than he wanted, “the jolt to the head disrupts brain function and it isn’t just language that’s affected.”
“The doctor told me.”
“Did he also make you aware that reading, social skills such as impulse control, gauging consequences for a behavior and acting out because of frustration can also be affected by the injury?”
He nodded. “Medically, Sean’s come as far as he can.”
“Do you have a prognosis?”
“The neurologist feels that with cognitive and physical therapy, Sean has a good chance to regain brain function lost due to the trauma.”
“Good. I’ll need to do a series of tests on Sean to see where he is, then work up a treatment plan.”
“Okay.”
She knew a therapist was the driving force in treatment. But, like a general, she needed to martial all the forces at her disposal. She needed to know who she could count on. “Gavin, clearly you’re dedicated to Sean’s care. What about Sean’s mother? Will she—”
“She won’t be involved,” he snapped. M.J. almost shivered at the ice-cold tone of his voice. “You should know that TBI kids typically progress faster when both parents become involved in the process.”
“Sean’s mother doesn’t have any contact with him.”
“I see.”
“I doubt it.” His gaze narrowed.
True. If she still had her son, nothing and no one could keep her from him.
“You’re right,” she agreed. “I don’t see. But I can make a guess that she’s the woman who worked you into that cynical attitude of yours and is responsible for you keeping your guard up.”
“You’d be correct.” A muscle jumped in his jaw. “All you need to know is that Sean is better off without her.”
M.J. couldn’t help being curious. He’d never married Sean’s mother and he was raising the boy by himself. He believed money could buy everything and everyone. It didn’t require ugly details to see that the woman had really done a number on him. Sympathy started to stir inside M.J. and she shut it down. He was a client, her employer. As one parent to another, she sympathized with what he was going through, but she didn’t want to feel anything for him as a man.
“What about grandparents?” she asked.
Gavin shook his head. “My father passed away about two years ago.”
M.J. waited for more, but he didn’t say anything about extended family on his mother’s side. When curiosity stirred again, she ignored it. “Who takes care of him when you’re at work?”
“Henderson and Lenore. They’ve been with me since before Sean was born.”
“So they’re like family?”
“Yes. They’re devoted to my son.”
“Good.” She met his gaze. “But you’re the most important person in his world.”
“And I’ll do whatever it takes. You can count on me.”
She nodded. “Does Sean speak at all?”
“Not much,” he said ruefully. “A word here and there, but not complete sentences.” Worry etched lines in his handsome face. “He was perfect before the accident.”
“He’s a beautiful child,” she said softly. Something stirred inside her and again she shut it down.
Gavin met her gaze, his own stark with a father’s pain. “I want him back the way he was.”
M.J. nodded her understanding. Any parent in his position would feel the same. Now wasn’t the time to tell him Sean’s accident had changed him forever. No one could go through what he had and be the same as he was. The question was how much brain function could be regained.
To accomplish the best case scenario, M.J. needed to establish a bond with the child. How was she going to do that when every instinct urged her to shut down? To disengage from him? Once, she would have hugged Sean when introduced. Touched him. Shaken his little hand. Now she wouldn’t. She couldn’t.
She hoped Gavin hadn’t made a mistake hiring her and that she hadn’t made a colossal error in judgment by accepting the job.
She stood and slipped her hands into the pockets of her sweater. “I’ll do my best to help Sean.”
That was also the truth. Although it wasn’t much, she’d give everything she had left. But that didn’t include her heart. Not for the child. Or his father.
It had been four weeks since M.J. had first come to Cliff House. Gavin had cut short a meeting at work so that he could be here before she left today. Standing in the shadows just outside the room, he could observe, but the two didn’t notice him.
He was frustrated as he watched her on the family room floor playing with Sean. They were doing a dinosaur puzzle and hadn’t noticed him yet. First she had the boy trace the space where the piece fit, then run his finger around the piece itself before fitting the irregular cardboard into the right place.
“Good job.” She smiled at the boy.
What the heck did this have to do with helping Sean to speak again?
“Now,” she said. “Brush your finger over the next space like I showed you. Do the same with the piece that goes there, then put it where it belongs.”
Concentration furrowed Sean’s forehead as he complied with the first directive. Then he blinked at M.J., confusion in his eyes.
“It’s okay, sweetie. Trace the space.” When he nodded, she smiled. “Good. Now what?”
The boy thought for a few moments, then put the puzzle piece in place.
“Way to go, kiddo. High five.” She held up her hand and Sean slapped it.
The boy grinned at her before rolling around on the floor.
“I think we need to get rid of the wiggles,” she said, standing.
She shook her hands using a wrist motion and Sean imitated. He copied when she stretched her neck then moved her head from side to side before bending to touch her toes. That gave Gavin a good view of her fanny, which was covered by the usual black pants. Since she’d been coming, he’d dropped by the therapy sessions a couple of times for a few minutes and this was the first he’d noticed that she had some pretty nice curves going on. Then she smiled at Sean and the expression transformed her.
She was prettier than Gavin realized. That didn’t make him happy.
When he moved to the center of the doorway, Sean immediately saw him and grinned, then raced across the room, but there was no shouted greeting. Gavin’s chest tightened. He longed to hear his son say, “Daddy.”
Gavin brushed his hand over his son’s hair as the boy caught his leg. When he looked at M.J., he saw that her smile had disappeared and found he missed it.
“Hey, buddy. How are you?” When the child pointed to the puzzle, then M.J., Gavin said, “I see. You’ve been playing with M.J.”
“He likes puzzles,” she said. “He’s good at them.”
“Of course he is. He’s a Spencer.” But being good at puzzles wasn’t the progress Gavin expected. He met her gaze. “I’d like to speak to you. Do you have a couple minutes?”
“Of course.”
After Sean was settled in the kitchen with Lenore, Gavin looked across his desk at M.J. She sat stiffly, her hands linked in her lap.
He was still remembering her smile and irritated because he did. “I’ll get right to the point. As far as I can see, there’s no change in my son’s condition.”
“I agree.”
That surprised him. He was accustomed to spin and excuses when the desired result wasn’t achieved. M.J. stared back at him without apology.
“I thought there would be noticeable progress. Can you explain why there isn’t?”
“Yes.” Her chin lifted slightly. “Because Sean is a little boy, not a business project. He’ll go at his own speed, not the timetable you mandate.”
“Based on your glowing references, I just thought—” He ran his fingers through his hair.
“You thought I could snap my fingers, wiggle my nose and he’d be cured?”
“Something like that,” he admitted.
“This isn’t about a cure. It’s about regaining the function that was lost.” Her tone was patient, soft, soothing. “It’s going to take a lot of work. And that will take time.”
Gavin had noticed the way she was with Sean today. She’d been playful, firm, determined and lively. There was a sweetness about her that seemed to come from within. It appeared genuine and unforced, a natural extension of herself—very real. And that smile. She was pretty when she smiled, and he wanted to think of her only as plain.
“How long?” He heard the edge to his voice and suspected it was fear. He was afraid his boy would never be okay. If only this were a disease and ten days of antibiotics the course of treatment. He wanted his son back now. At the very least, he wanted guarantees and a time frame.
“I don’t know.”
“You can’t make a guess based on experience? When my father was dying of cancer, the doctors gave me an estimate and it turned out to be almost to the day,” he snapped.
“That’s an entirely different situation. Medical doctors have studies and data and tests that help them make an educated guess. In situations like this, there can’t be a specific timetable. Every child is different. Every injury is different.”
“Can you give me a ballpark estimate?”
“No.” She met his gaze. “But I can tell you that it might go faster if you get involved in the therapy.”
“You mean, doing puzzles?”
“That was brain exercise and therapy for hand-eye coordination,” she said.
“It looked like playing to me.”
“If therapy techniques weren’t disguised as fun, how cooperative do you think Sean would be?”
“Obviously, I don’t know anything about speech language therapy. How much help could I be?”
“I can show you what to do. I distinctly remember that you promised to do whatever it takes to help your son. I believe you said I could count on you.” The tender tone was gone, replaced by toughness.
And she was right; he had promised. She met him toe-to-toe and wouldn’t blink. Part of him respected her for that. On the other hand, he didn’t as a rule notice when an employee’s smile made her pretty. That thought was followed by irrational anger, which didn’t bode well for tact.
“You’re the expert, Ms. Taylor. It’s why I pay you the big bucks.”
Any earlier traces of warmth and patience disappeared. “Is this third degree really about Sean?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Are you implying that I’m dragging out a child’s therapy for financial gain?”
“Are you?”
“That would be unethical.” Her mouth tightened and anger flashed in her eyes, making them a darker shade of blue.
You’re beautiful when you’re angry. The thought jumped into his mind before he could stop it. In that moment, she was striking. Something inside him responded, stirred to life, and he regretted it instantly.
Again his temper took over. “This wouldn’t be the first time someone held a child’s life hostage.”
“What does that mean?” she demanded.
It meant he’d been stupid once. A woman had used his child to get to him and he wouldn’t let it happen a second time. M.J. seemed warm and real and sincere. But what if he was wrong again?
When he didn’t answer, she stood. “Gavin, you’ve made it clear that you believe everyone has a price. But I’m not everyone and you don’t know me.”
He was getting to know her, and he wasn’t sure yet if that was a problem. “What’s your point?”
“Just this—you were the one who badgered me into taking this job. If you don’t trust me, I’ll gladly walk out that door. You’re paying me for my skill, but you have no idea what it’s costing me. That little boy is—”
The bleak expression was back in her eyes. “What, M.J.?”
She swallowed several times, then caught her top lip between her teeth. Finally she said, “Sean is the same age Brian would have been.”
That took the heat out of his temper. “I didn’t know.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me. And I don’t know you. I don’t know why you’re cynical and determined to mistrust everything I do. I did warn you that I’m not the way I was, that my abilities are impaired, but you insisted. I promised you that I would do the best I could under the circumstances. But if you’ve changed your mind, say the word and it would be my pleasure to resign.”
Gavin studied her. He could almost see the anger drain out of her, replaced by weariness. Dark circles bruised the soft skin beneath her eyes and it had nothing to do with getting popped while breaking up a high school scuffle. But it might have a lot to do with the hard knocks in her life.
On top of that, she taught full-time and worked with Sean three evenings a week. He’d just seen for himself that the therapy demanded a high level of energy and attention. It wouldn’t violate his rules to give her the benefit of the doubt.
“I haven’t changed my mind,” he said.
She met his gaze. “If you do, don’t hesitate to let me know.”
Then she walked out. After she said goodbye to Sean, Gavin followed her and opened the front door, but she walked out without looking back. She got in the car and turned the key in the ignition several times before the engine caught.
He watched the red taillights of her old car until they disappeared in the fog. He’d never thought he was the type to form an opinion about a person based on appearance, but now he wasn’t so sure. He’d thought M. J. Taylor pale and plain, but a few minutes ago he’d seen flash and fire in her. There was more to her than he’d first thought and he suspected there was far more than the little she’d revealed.
He realized he was staring into the swirling mist and closed the door. If only he could close off his thoughts as easily. He hadn’t spent this much mental energy on a woman in a long time.
And that time had been a disaster.
Chapter Four
M .J. put games, puzzles and flashcards in her backpack, then glanced around her room to see if there was anything else she might be able to use with Sean in today’s session. It was interesting that the techniques came right back to her as if she hadn’t been away for a year and a half. Somehow it seemed disloyal to her little boy’s memory, but her punishment was the pain of seeing Gavin’s little boy and being reminded that she would never see her own son again.
There was a soft knock on her door. “Come in,” she called.
Her mother opened it, then frowned. “You’re going out?”
“Yeah. Sean Spencer.”
She’d explained to her mother why Gavin had stopped by that day. The cover story was that his urgency and determination had eventually worn down her resistance and he’d convinced her to work with his child. Evelyn seemed pleased that she was finally putting the past behind her and moving forward.
“You look tired, M.J.”
That didn’t even begin to describe how she felt. She was beyond tired and had settled into a permanent state of exhaustion. The extra strain of burying emotion and bracing herself to see Sean’s achingly sweet young face took every ounce of energy she had left after teaching high school.
But admitting as much would mean explaining why she was working two jobs, and M.J. couldn’t go there. “I’m all right, Mom.”
“All right isn’t fine. Why are you doing this after an exhausting day teaching those ungrateful teenage dweebs?”
M.J. smiled at her slang-challenged mother. “As weird as it sounds, I like them. And let’s not forget, today’s dweebs are tomorrow’s grown-ups.”
“Then you could give up the other job.” Evelyn didn’t smile. “You don’t have to work with Sean. Gavin could find another therapist. Surely you don’t need the money.”
It was an old, tired conversation. After M.J.’s husband died, Evelyn had assumed he had life insurance. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, he’d left her with a mountain of debt she hadn’t known about.
Yes, Gavin could hire another therapist. But M.J. desperately needed the extra money to clean up the mess of the mortgages and other bills that her mother was better off not knowing about. Unfortunately that meant no whining, and M.J. really wanted to whine.
Instead she put on a happy face and bypassed the issue of money entirely. “Sean is a bright boy. Full of energy.”
“How’s he doing?” M.J. set her full backpack by the door then let out a sigh when she sat on the chair. The card Gavin had given her was still tucked into her desk blotter. She traced the bold, black letters of his name. His bold, handsome face flashed into her mind and she shivered.
She met her mother’s gaze. “Sean’s making steady progress.”
Even if his father couldn’t see it. Was Gavin too demanding? He wanted results, but what father wouldn’t in the same situation? Any parent who didn’t want their child to go back to the way they were before an accident was a parent who needed serious psychotherapy. And a mother who’d lost a child needed something she could never get back.
Evelyn patted her shoulder. “I’m glad he’s doing better. But I’m still concerned about you. All day in the classroom and that doesn’t include time spent doing lesson plans or grading papers. Then three nights a week you work with Sean. You’re going to make yourself ill.”
M.J. didn’t want to think about what would happen if she couldn’t work. So she didn’t. “Don’t worry about me, Mom. The schedule is intense and I’ll admit it’s draining sometimes, but I’ll be fine.”
As long as Gavin didn’t decide his son wasn’t progressing quickly enough and fire her. That was something else she didn’t want to think about. If it happened, she had no idea what she’d do. For the sake of her sanity, she decided not to borrow trouble. Right now she had enough to worry about, thank you very much.
Evelyn studied her. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m sure.”
When Evelyn’s expression filled with sympathy and sorrow, it was clear she was talking about the child they’d lost. “You’re not just doing all of this to keep yourself too busy to think?”
Even if that were true, M.J. thought, she was a dismal failure because she was thinking all the time. Unfortunately some of those thoughts were about Gavin. What had happened to make him so cynical? Was that having a negative impact on Sean? Not only was Gavin aggressively taking up her conscious mind, his too handsome image drifted through her dreams. The dark intensity on his face. The glittering passion in his eyes was seared into her subconscious and she couldn’t seem to forget how determined he was to have his son back. If desire were enough, that boy would be whole again.
Desire.
The single word made her tremble. How stupid was that? She barely knew Gavin; she hardly ever saw him. It seemed he made himself more scarce after she’d tried to get him involved in Sean’s therapy. But facts were facts. Even if she was capable of caring, a man like him would never be interested in someone like her. How weird was she that the thought made her wistful? She should embrace facts without question.
M.J. said with absolute certainty, “I’m definitely not keeping myself too busy to think.”
“Okay.” Her mother nodded. “You’re a big girl.”
There were times she wished she wasn’t, but never more than when Gavin looked at her with that mysterious expression in his dark eyes. She would give almost anything to know what he was thinking. Almost.
“Tell me about your millionaire.”
That surprised her. “You mean, Gavin?”
“Do you have another one?” Evelyn asked.
“First of all, he’s not mine.”
“But he is a millionaire. I read the paper.”
“Even the society pages?”
Her mother smiled. “I get bored waiting for the doctor and the hairdresser.”
M.J. grinned back. “I’m shocked and appalled.”
“Don’t tell your aunt.”
“Our little secret.”
“So, what’s he like?”
It was on the tip of her tongue to say he was a hottie, but M.J. held back. He definitely was that. And so much more.
“You met him,” M.J. said, not trusting herself to talk about the brooding intense man.
“I remember. He’s not the kind of man a woman could forget. Not even an old one,” she said with a grin.
M.J. understood all too well. “He’s certainly a concerned father.”
She admitted that concern, although she’d been infuriated by his insinuation that she was dragging out the therapy for personal gain. He’d told her he didn’t trust anyone, but she was only beginning to realize how deeply ingrained the mind-set was. Whatever happened to him must have been bad for him to still be so wary. He’d admitted Sean’s mother was the guilty party. And she knew the woman wasn’t involved in her child’s life. That was just wrong.
M.J. would give anything to have Brian here with her. The familiar pain took its place in her chest and she wondered how a mother could abandon her child.
How could a woman abandon Gavin?
The thought came out of nowhere and she shook her head, as if that would clear away the feeling. If she couldn’t get rid of it, she’d be forced to admit she was attracted to the man. It was a complication she didn’t need.
“What’s his house like?”
“Big. Beautiful. Overlooking the ocean. It’s a dream house. Like you’d expect a millionaire to have.”
Evelyn thought about that. “I’ll bet it doesn’t have the same character as this place and all the tradition of several generations.”
“That’s true.” Her stomach knotted. “He has a mansion, but it’s a house, not a home.”
And Sean was being raised by staff, not family.
True, Gavin was a working father. He had financial resources. But all the money in the world didn’t replace a mother’s love. The question was why Sean’s mother was out of the picture. Was it by choice or had Gavin “fired” her because she didn’t meet his expectations?