The Art of Being You

Chapter Two

Getting Started

Are you relaxed, unflappable, at ease in the world and enjoying yourself? These qualities are hallmarks of spiritual life.

JUST SHOW UP

What is asked of you on the spiritual path? Simply that you be present. Being present means you are here in this moment…and this moment…and now in this moment. How do you get pulled out of the present moment? When your mind goes to the past or the future, as is its habit; when you are absorbed in situations and events that are changing and passing; or in what someone has said or done—you are not in the present moment. When you are caught up in blaming and complaining; in wanting this and not wanting that—you are not in the present moment.

Sometimes the spiritual aspect of life itself is seen as drawing us away from daily life. It is true that spiritual life benefits one from time set aside for worship, prayer, meditation and silence. It is also true that each moment, however that moment is, is your spiritual life. Running another load of laundry, running late for work, the friend who hung up on you in anger, the relationship you wonder if you should stay in, and laughter, celebration, falling in love—all this is your spiritual life.

All that you seek—love, beauty, God, truth—can only be found in the present. Awareness, the ability to be present to the present, is both a gift and a tool for the spiritual journey.

On the spiritual path your personality will become stable and strong, and life will attain its richest and fullest form. You will experience and express the love and happiness that are your nature.

SHAKE HANDS WITH WHAT IS

Accept the Present Moment As It Is

A next step is to accept this moment as it is. There is nothing you can do to change it—it has already happened. Change can only happen in the next moment. Often acceptance is taken to mean as ‘giving up’—not taking action or not creating change where change is needed. That is not so. Only when you accept what is, you can become calm, think clearly and act powerfully to change what needs to be changed. This is called dynamic acceptance and it affects your state of mind:

DON’T ACCEPT WHAT IS;MIND IN PIECES ACCEPT WHAT IS: MIND AT PEACE

Accept Other People As They Are

The second aspect of accepting what is, is to accept other people as they are. Acceptance is not a passive thing. It does not mean that you tolerate rude, unjust or hurtful behavior. It means that if you accept a person who is taking a wrong action, your own mind will be calm and any action you take will be appropriate and effective.

DON’T ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE: ACT, THEN THINK ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE: THINK, THEN ACT

Non-acceptance causes you to react. If you react when someone upsets you, you are no longer in control. Whatever you do in this circumstance, you will regret later. Take a moment to think back. Hasn’t this happened to you many times?

When you can say to yourself, “For some reason, this is the best that this person has to offer right now,” you will be set free. You will not be frustrated anew each time the objectionable behavior is repeated. In accepting others as they are, you create a clear space where you can respond in an appropriate and effective way. The problem may remain, but you will no longer be in its grip.

Accepting other people as they are is not always easy, but is it any easier not to accept them? You only become more agitated, and dwelling on another person’s mistake can cause you to make a mistake. It can be a simple shift to accept people as they are, and when that shift happens, a big load is lifted.

When you accept people as they are, those people benefit also. You give them room to change.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

If you have trouble letting go of the feeling. “He shouldn’t have said that or she shouldn’t have done that,” remember that whatever behavior the person exhibited was the best they had to offer at that moment. Some circumstance or event, known or unknown to you, caused that person to act as they did. If you don’t know what that was, try imagining an experience this person might have had that could be behind the rude or hurtful behavior. It also might help you to see this person with compassion, if you can recall something that you had said or done yourself that you later regretted.

As you look for the possible explanations for the actions of others, simultaneously take responsibility for your own. Usually, we do just the opposite— we hold others responsible for what they do and excuse ourselves—“I didn’t mean to say that, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Excusing or forgiving others is important for spiritual growth. In accepting others, you benefit yourself. The more you are able to accept others as they are, the more you will be able to accept yourself as you are. The reverse of this is also true—the more you accept yourself, the more you will be accepting others. Start anywhere in the equation and you will find that a new freedom comes to you and to the people around you.