Second Time Around
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There was an unsettling quiet as they ate.
“Do you think Dad ever loved Mom?” After all these years, Katarina’s voice echoed Emily’s gnawing childhood fear.
Emily stared at her food. Would the mention of her broken engagement ever stop reminding all of them of their father? “I try not to analyze them, Kat. We both know how unforgiving Mom can be. Maybe Dad couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe… Who knows?” Emily shrugged, then took a bite of chicken. She wished her sister would change the subject.
“Don’t you ever wonder why he never came back to see us?”
Slurping the juice dripping from the bite of pear, Emily mumbled, “Of course I do. I doubt I’ll ever get over it.”
“What?” Katarina turned her head slightly, tears brimming in her bright blue eyes. Out of frustration, she combed her fingers through one side of her sporty hairstyle, as if the hair were preventing her hearing aid from working.
“I mean, there are parts of my past I can’t seem to forget.” The hearing aid in Katarina’s ear was tiny and no longer bothered her, but it always would Emily. It was a constant reminder of why she’d gone into medicine. No matter how much she tried, Emily would never forget the pain she’d nursed her little sister through. She’d do everything possible to help prevent another child’s suffering. “How do you deal with it? You’re always so disgustingly cheerful.”
The brightness of her sister’s porcelain skin paled and the smile dimmed. “There are still days when I’m so mad I could spit nails. Trust me.”
Emily took her sister’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m sure there are, Kat.” Caring for Katarina and their youngest sister, Lisa, while her mother had worked two jobs had made Emily realize the importance of an education. Which was why she and Kevin had agreed to wait until she finished her bachelor’s degree to get married. Then came that letter—
Her mind pulled the plug on the memory. “Hey, we’re supposed to be having a good time tonight. Who brought up this maudlin subject, anyway?”
Katarina grinned. “You’re right. Let’s change the subject. So, tell me more about the wedding. The part without Kevin, if you’d prefer.”
In between bites of chicken cordon bleu and salad, Emily told her everything, excluding the charming way Kevin had played with the kids during the reception. Remembering it made her heart swell. There he was in his tailored suit, romping around on the floor with Laura’s sons so the bride and groom could enjoy the reception….
His thoughtfulness and boyish sense of humor were what had first caught her attention so many years ago. She had been sitting solemnly by herself under the golden leaves of the grand old maple tree at the college-sponsored concert, when Kevin spied her staring at him. Even from a distance, she’d seen the way he made everyone around him feel. He had a contagious laugh and a quick wit. As she blushed, he introduced himself. A few minutes later they were sharing the shade, deep in conversation and laughter.
For three years he’d courted her, throughout it all putting up with her mother’s ridicule. But Emily had stayed, falling ever more deeply in love with the man her mother had predicted would love her and leave her, just as Emily’s philandering father had done.
“I’m going to Lincoln next week for a show. Do you want me to take anything to Mom?” If her sister noticed Emily’s distraction, she didn’t mention it.
Emily welcomed the interruption.
“Mom… Oh, yeah, would you take her birthday present?”
“What did you get her? I haven’t found anything yet.”
“It’s an airline ticket. Thought I’d take her to the mountains. Care to join us? I’ve borrowed Laura and Bryan’s cabin for a week.”
“Sounds fun. I’ll check my schedule. With the move, I may have to make a last-minute decision depending on how everything is going.”
“I thought I’d see if Lisa can join us, too. We’ll make it a family reunion.”
After catching up on the latest on Lisa and her beau, they discussed Kat’s growing business and her worries of keeping up with the demand for her designer dolls.
Clearing the dishes while Katarina called her on-again-off-again boyfriend, Emily let her thoughts return to their mother’s influence on the three daughters’ relationships. Katarina couldn’t take that final plunge into matrimony. Lisa didn’t date any man long enough to fall in love.
And Emily—the broken engagement to Kevin had been enough to send the frightened child in her running as far as possible from love and commitment.
Eight years later, she was still running.
Two weeks had passed since her sister’s visit, and since she’d seen Kevin. Emily walked into the church’s preschool to tell the children about being a doctor. She and the teacher visited for a few minutes before a little boy from Emily’s Sunday school class grabbed her hand. “Dr. Emily, come see what a tall tower I can build.” She followed Ricky, welcoming the chance to visit with the little boy away from the examination room.
For the next half hour, Emily watched as Ricky played with the children. After Circle Time, they prepared for the guests to talk about their careers. A cake decorator was first, and gave each child an ornately decorated cookie to keep each busy while she turned a mound of cake into a stand-up penguin.
Emily was next. She looked at the cake and the children eagerly eating cookies. Great, how do I top this?
After telling the children about how much she enjoyed being a doctor, she pulled the stethoscope out of her pocket.
“Dr. Emily, can I listen to your heart?” Ricky blurted out, his raised hand flapping back and forth.
“Sure. You can each have a turn. Come up one at a time.” The familiar boy with streaked brown hair jumped to his feet and nearly leaped over the kids sitting in front of him. Emily recognized most of the children, either from Sunday school or the medical clinic. Before she knew it, all the children were crowded around.
“Shh,” Emily prompted. “We must be very quiet.”
Ricky listened for a minute, then expertly moved the stethoscope. She wanted to cry at the extent of his knowledge of the workings of the instrument, which came from more hands-on experience than any child his age should have.
“I don’t hear anything, Dr Emily.” He frowned. “I think you have a broken heart.”
A deep chuckle rumbled behind them. “An insightful young man.”
Emily’s heart raced at the sound of Kevin’s voice.
The little boy’s brown eyes grew larger. “Wow! There it is. It’s beating as fast as Thumper’s paw. ’Member, in Bambi?”
“Are you twitterpated, Dr. Emily?” a precocious little girl asked.
“Twitterpated?”
“You know, in love.” The little girl sighed. “Like Bambi and Faline.”
Emily felt the blood rush to her cheeks. “No, I’m not. We’d better let someone else have a turn now, Ricky.” She gave him a hug and watched as he ran across the room…to Kevin.
Kevin knelt down and spent several minutes in conversation with the child. From the corner of her eye, Emily watched, angry at herself for paying Kevin any attention.
The other preschoolers filed past, and Emily helped them listen to each other’s hearts beating. Ricky moved back to the circle of children after giving Kevin a high-five. Then Kevin visited with a parent, while Emily finished talking with the children and gave them the disposable masks and hats.
Then she turned the stage over to Kevin. He leaned close as Emily walked past. “Any time your heart needs a jump start, let me know.”
“You’d be the last person I’d call,” she mumbled, wishing she could dispel her reaction to him. Emily silently joined the parent volunteer in the back of the room. She and the other woman listened as Kevin told about the construction business, demonstrating with a toy log set.
The children were mesmerized by the rugged-looking man with the contagious smile and rumbling laugh. Other than the uncustomarily clean blue jeans, he looked every bit the brawny construction worker. A red-plaid flannel shirt over a blue T-shirt and a bright yellow hard hat completed the irresistible image. His strong hands moved the tiny logs with the same delicacy one would use to move fine china.
All the little boys proclaimed they, too, wanted to be builders after his enthusiastic description of tearing walls apart and building others. The energy in the room began to escalate.
“Why did you become a builder?” The teacher prompted the conversation back to the subject, her calming voice reminding the children to listen.
“My father was a builder, and it was something I always enjoyed. It’s hard work, but I like bringing families together in a new home,” he said.
It was obvious that he loved talking to the youngsters. The children drilled him with questions, and he took time to answer each one. He still had his way with kids.
Emily wondered why he hadn’t married. Coming from a family with six children, he had wanted to have at least four of his own. He had chivalrously promised Emily that he’d support them all, yet that wasn’t enough for Emily. She wanted a career of her own, one through which she could provide for her family, if necessary. She wasn’t about to watch history repeat itself.
Emily stared critically at Kevin. Why was he here? How had he, of all people, come to be asked to speak to the preschool?
Kevin smiled lazily, then winked at her before saying goodbye to the preschoolers. She realized the desperate attempts she was making to taint her image of the only man who could touch her heart with a mere glance.
The children would be leaving soon, and this was Kevin’s only chance to talk to Emily alone. As he exited the preschool room, he nodded for her to join him outside. He could see her reluctance.
“Why are you here?” she demanded as soon as the door closed behind them.
He folded his arms across his chest and smiled. “I heard there was a damsel inside with a broken heart. Thought I’d come to the rescue.”
“Very funny.”
He smiled. He had decided after the confusion at the wedding that he needed to find out if she was still interested—if that had been the reason for her tears. He challenged himself to make her laugh. Or at least smile. She had a beautiful smile. “Actually, I was just waiting for the rescue breathing.”
Her eyes were clear as green ice. “I’m serious.”
“It’s obvious that hasn’t changed.”
Emily put her hands on her hips and waited. She had changed from the college co-ed he’d fallen in love with, he thought. Her shyness had matured to a quiet confidence, her insecurities had been replaced by a calm determination, and her wide-eyed look of fear reflected a love that hadn’t died.
“Okay, the truth,” he continued, hoping that reflection was wrong. “I’m working on developing a new image.” He started to tell her about the bid, but she took an abrupt step toward him and flashed him a look of annoyance.
“I really would have thought you’d grow up a little in eight years.” She turned and walked back inside.
“Just as I thought, you can’t handle the truth,” he mumbled, once she had turned the corner and disappeared from sight.
Kevin recalled Laura begging him to come talk to the preschoolers. He glanced through the narrow slat of a window into the preschool and watched as a little boy clung to the teacher, doing whatever he could to get her attention. There was no question in Kevin’s mind that Laura was trying to set him and Emily up again.
“Better luck next time, lady.”
Chapter Three
The conference room was filled with the aroma of gourmet coffee and glazed doughnuts. Sunlight filtered in through the broken slats of the blinds. The chief of staff addressed the doctors and board members, summarizing the top three clinic renovation proposals. At the mention of a small independent builder, Emily let out a quick gasp.
Her colleague Bob Walker leaned close. “What’s wrong, Em?” he whispered. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Ignoring him, Emily examined the different bid summaries with a sudden urgency. Why hadn’t she considered this possibility earlier? Muffled voices buzzed around her. Her heart rate increased. He wouldn’t dare.
Dr. Bob Walker pushed a note in front of her, a barely legible invitation to join him for dinner scrawled across the prescription pad. Sending him a reprimand from the corner of her eye, she scrunched the note into a tiny ball and tossed it into the trash can.
She thumbed back through the folders and, with a sudden chill of comprehension, looked again at the unbelievably low bid. Kevin was vying for this job. That’s why he had been so confident he’d be seeing her again.
“Emily? What are your feelings about the bids?”
“Yes, Emily, what are you thinking?” Bob added, a mischievous glint in his eye.
Still dismayed, she cleared her throat and brushed a stray hair off her forehead. With a quick appraisal of the spreadsheets before her, it was hard to argue the obvious. “Since the project committee is behind on fund-raising, I’ll admit it does make this incredibly low bid very appealing.”
The other committee members nodded. Dr. Roberts agreed, adding, “With the incentives City Council is offering, I think it’s critical that we make the commitment now. Sonshine Medical Clinic is finally gaining the support we need.”
Emily closed the folder, suddenly aware of what the outcome of this vote could mean to her own peace of mind. No matter what happened between her and Kevin, she reminded herself, this was business. If the contractor was Kevin…she’d learn to deal with it when the time came. If not, her paranoia could cost both the clinic and the company bidding a very important project. She had to keep her personal turmoil out of the way.
“There isn’t really any question, is there?” Dr. Walker added.
Not regarding which sealed bid to accept, maybe, but Emily had plenty of questions, doubts and uncertainties.
The company was offering incredible upgrades that the clinic couldn’t otherwise afford. How could Kevin afford to be so generous? Surely his fledgling company didn’t have this kind of money to donate. And from the way he’d reacted to seeing her at Laura and Bryan’s wedding, he wasn’t trying to win her over again. Surely I’m just imagining this. Kevin doesn’t want to be near me any more than I want him around. He wouldn’t do this.
There was no question but that she wanted the clinic to flourish. She wanted to help their patients. And despite her and Kevin’s history, she wished him every success, both personally and professionally. She just didn’t like the idea of their goals being mutually dependent.
Turning her mind back to the meeting, she concentrated on the discussion. Others expressed gratitude at the upgrades, and Emily added suspiciously, “Can we trust his word on that?” The faces around the table looked puzzled by her sudden lack of enthusiasm. “It’s just—I’m merely concerned that we be sure the company will follow through once it has the job in hand. Well, it does seem determined to win this bid, doesn’t it? Question is, how many promises would the company make in order to get the job?”
Everyone began talking at once, and Bob leaned close. “You know something about this company, Em? I’ve never seen you so feisty. To be honest, I like it.”
“What’s wrong, Bob? Did the new receptionist break your date?” She edged away.
He smiled. “Come on, have dinner with me. No one need find out.”
Emily looked around the table, then turned her head so that only Bob could hear. “I think you’re making a big mistake, Bob. Your third strike with me was two receptionists and six months ago. One more, and you’ll strike yourself out of the clinic, as well.”
The doctor sobered, and leaned back in his chair, nonchalantly pretending he hadn’t heard anything she’d said. That was fine with her. Just so he understood.
Emily let her mind wander back to Kevin as the board’s discussion progressed without her.
Thirty minutes later the chief of staff spun his pen on the chipped tabletop. “I think it’s obvious that number two believes in our mission. Unless there’s any disagreement, I’ll share our feelings with the board and let them make the announcement.” All present turned and looked at Emily, anticipating another argument.
What if it’s not Kevin? Can I take that chance? She shook her head.
As the others made their way through the conference room door, she opened the folder again, looking more carefully for some inkling of proof. Could Kevin believe in the clinic’s mission? She saw no evidence, but decided he deserved a chance. She thought back to their conversation at the wedding. Trust me, Emily. We will see each other again. Kevin had gloated. But why did he want this job?
Unfortunately, her emotional struggle would have to be sacrificed for the good of the patients. She would learn to ignore Kevin, and his charming antics.
Silently edging her way past the board members, Emily considered Kevin’s possible motives. Whatever his reasons, one thing was for sure: when Kevin MacIntyre went after something, there was no stopping him….
She recalled the weeks he had spent trying to convince her to go on that first date with him. Flowers, phone calls, surprising her between classes. Yes, Kevin MacIntyre could write the book on charm.
Emily wondered how she’d face him each day, then rallied. It’s over now. We’ve both moved on. If he gets the job, well, if I can work with Bob, I can surely handle Kevin. I have to. The clinic’s future depends on this renovation.
Emily returned to her office. If the staff needed her, they wouldn’t hesitate to call. She needed a minute to breathe. Time to collect herself and banish Kevin MacIntyre from her thoughts—if only temporarily.
Emily closed her office door behind her and leaned against it. Dear God, help me. I don’t think I can handle this alone—
The phone rang, and she knew her moment of reprieve was over. She took two calls, then began seeing patients.
Twelve hours later, Emily pulled into her garage. She walked into the house, dropped her purse and collapsed on the sofa. Ignoring the blinking light on the answering machine, she set her pager on the end table and closed her eyes. She flipped her shoes onto the floor and propped her ankles on the arm of the couch.
It was days like this when she asked herself what she was thinking when she gave up the man she loved for that miraculous acceptance into medical school. And the answer was always the same. She had been thinking of her mother’s struggle to provide for her and her sisters when their father walked out. She had been thinking of Katarina’s hearing loss. Of the people she wanted to help. The last person she’d been thinking of was Kevin—the one person she should have considered more.
Her stomach growled, proclaiming that the salad she ate for lunch was long gone. She was famished. Dragging her fatigued body off the couch, Emily rummaged through the cupboard until she found a can of beef stew. The wind howled outside as a winter storm moved in from the west; snow was already sticking to the streets. Thank goodness I’m not on call tonight, she thought. Emily dumped the stew into the pan, turned on the burner, then simply stared at it, waiting for it to boil.
Kevin’s words had haunted her for the past two weeks. We can both be happy that you realized your career was more important than a family before it was too late. They stung because after years of wondering, she finally knew why Kevin hadn’t come after her. He felt she’d abandoned their dreams for a job. That truth was especially difficult after days like today. Days that started before seven and didn’t end when the office closed. Days that melded, one into the other. Days when crises happened nonstop.
Help me to remember that it’s not for my own glory, Father, but for Yours.
Emily couldn’t accept credit for the many decisions that had led her through the last few years. For without Him, she couldn’t have survived it at all. Medical school, internship, finding a clinic whose mission fit so perfectly with her own. It was nothing short of a miracle, finding her way back to Springville, Colorado. Or so she’d thought.
Until she saw Kevin MacIntyre standing in her patient’s hospital room.
Until her past caught up with the present and threatened to crush her future.
Until Kevin made her realize she couldn’t “have it all.”
There were countless days when she wished for all the things that he’d accused her of rejecting for her career. Times when she longed for the serenity of a man’s loving embrace. Nights when she dreamed of her own children. And still she battled daily with the green monster, envying women who had mastered that delicate balance between career and family. There were even moments when she cursed the day he had walked away. And days when she wondered if Kevin had ever felt the same.
Her eyes burned with tears she refused to shed.
It appeared she now had the answer. He’d moved on with his life. And on, and on, obviously not letting their broken promises slow his social life any. It appeared her mother was right. Kevin was like her father: a fifties type of man, who wanted his woman to raise the children and have dinner ready at six o’clock. Kevin MacIntyre was definitely not the man to offer support throughout her demanding career.
Snow swirled around the parking lot and drifted along the curb. Kevin closed the door of his short-bed pickup, ready to work out with Bryan at the gym before heading home. Cranky and ready to burn off some frustration, Kevin stepped through the glass doors and headed for the lockers.
“Hi, Kevin.”
He turned, temporarily distracted by the silky voice.
“Evening, Kristen. Looks like life is treating you well.”
“Could be better. You’ve been avoiding me.” The brunette leaned her elbows on the handles of the stationary bicycle and flashed him an accusing smile. Perfectly shaped eyebrows arched high above blue eyes.
He returned the smile, inwardly calculating just when he’d last seen her, or anyone not related to the business. “No, it’s not that,” he stalled, suddenly tongue-tied and in a hurry to make an exit. “Work is keeping me busy. Maybe we can do something soon.”
He ducked into the men’s locker room, surprised when Bryan stepped in just behind him.
“Gone into hiding, have you?” his friend joked.
Kevin shrugged, wondering himself why he’d brushed the woman off. He and Kristen had dated a few times after she had decorated one of his model homes. Things had been going fine. Neither wanted a commitment. Both enjoyed the same things. So why did he find himself avoiding her as if she were trying to tie him down?
“How are Laura and the kids?” Kevin asked, hoping to change the subject.
It worked.
Bryan talked enthusiatically about his new family, and a few minutes later they headed for the weight room. Kevin was anxious to get back in shape before the longer days of the spring building season began. He’d put in more hours at his drafting table than actually working with the crew over the past winter, and it was beginning to show around his midsection.
“You okay?” Bryan eyed him accusingly some time later as he added another cast-iron disk to each end of Kevin’s weight bar. “I’ve never seen you avoiding—”
“Fine, just bored with it all, I guess.” Kevin lifted the barbell, only to be interrupted by another female acquaintance. After she left, Kevin sat up and wiped his hands on the towel draped around his neck.
Bryan elbowed him. “What were you saying about your life being boring?” His friend raised an eyebrow and chuckled.
“You’re a newlywed. You shouldn’t be noticing other women,” Kevin grumbled.
Bryan snapped the towel in midair. “Don’t worry, I’m perfectly happy where I’m at. Unlike you—”
“Let’s get out of here. We aren’t going to get anything accomplished in this place. Why don’t we go get a bite to eat?”
“Thanks, anyway, I’ve already eaten.”