When there is no sense in names

– I for the 100-th time speak to you, I very small, nothing not meaning person, ask…

– So does not happen. There are no little people. There are low beings, and are those who press on you, forcing to consider themselves nobody, to feel a pettiness. They take away from you the most important – awareness of the importance, so, kill will to live, aspiration to great fulfillments. Force to live not as you want and as it is necessary for them… And as whom you studied? – it changed a topic of conversation. From his statements Ania absolutely became dejected and all stooped.

– On the chemist, – she quickened. – To me it very to liking. I can talk for hours about this science. – Therefore as her eyes shone, it was possible to draw a conclusion that it could become valid business of all her life.

– Give I you to everything I will teach, work as whom you want?

– My knowledge in this area more than is enough. The diploma is necessary, money., – the girl was upset again.

– If you know everything and are able, and you only have no piece of paper, you also cannot work?

– Not pieces of paper, and plasticity, – it was necessary only to laugh from such absurd, so they are easier had. How to explain to the purest baby that such treachery, a lie, benefit? – What do you try to obtain?

– I try to understand you.

– Well and how progress? – The ironical smile slightly touched her lips.

Konstantin only negatively shook the head and a little later added:

– You and do not understand yourself, I see, and seek to understand nothing. Everyone invents close worlds where only to it it is good, do not try to make cozy the general house at all, what occurs behind your window you does not concern any more. Life consists in several square meters of your apartments and comes to an end behind their doors. Everything that in not it, hostilely, unichtozhayushche badly. While we with you walked, found time to read several thoughts by the walking people. One of them thought of the forthcoming checkup of the vehicle. I quote: “as all complicated: month if it is necessary to stay in turns no more until everything ends. Better than ladies of money and documents, in ten minutes everything will be ready”. – Here also explain to me, please, why this service is necessary? That to take bribes? The car will go anyway, even without check. It is possible just to abolish it. From it more accidents will not be. The thinking people on the faulty car will not go, and fools and so will pay and will have either an accident, or another nasty story. Another counted the benefit from deception of workers, something with a salary there, the majority did not know, than to feed a family. “Where still to earn additionally? As it is at two works,… and there is not enough money all the same”. It is a high time to raise a question: whether you are reasonable? Whether people you in general? What you on invented stuff does not do you by the highest beings as you consider. What does the person to that? Kindness, compassion, help to the neighbor? Where your young civilization managed to lose all this, without having managed to get plainly? Even animals feel the guilt more sharply you. Are ready to accept obediently deserved punishment, let and from weaker. People, knowing the fault, will use the best efforts not to be punished, will even convince themselves of own innocence. Though your society not bad is conceived. Only everything that is offered is not valid. If everything was carried out as has to, would be tolerable for the majority. Only it is not clear if: the mechanism does not work, it needs to be cancelled, thrown out or repaired, and people are content with the destroyed system which end is not visible.

– Probably, you are right. I am afraid of this world too. I am afraid to seem in total silly, ridiculous, to express the thoughts in public. Suddenly someone will condemn them, will deride. To me not to endure it. I dream., you will not even believe what I dream of, – she made a helpless gesture, – about an old age. I want to retire and hide quicker from the whole world. I understand that I wish myself death, but I can do nothing with myself. It is awful, I know. It is ready to offer the best years of life. But also my acquaintances drag the same miserable existence if not to tell, sickly vegetation. Also think also, just aloud it is not accepted to speak about it. They should fill days stuff if only somewhere to put time and to give intelligence to the life. For them life a burden, an invisible yoke. One are engaged in a collecting, others in card play, the third still some nonsense, the absorbing value having everything for their life. Many find a consolation in children. You do not think, against children I have nothing – it is fine. Badly the fact that the majority bring them for simplification of the life. To some extent is a weakness or egoism, I do not know. Could achieve nothing in due time, lowered hands, made a family. There was an excess excuse, a justification: not to great fulfillments, peanuts it is necessary to feed. Here I will bring up them, and they let make miracles. Simplest it is thoughtless, rested as a ram, to mechanically carry out some duties, to be exhausted physically before consciousness loss. It is much more difficult to try to change itself and society. What beyond our powers, and in most cases just laziness, we perelazhivat on shoulders of the descendants, they in turn on the… I even am not afraid of death. If necessary I will easily go to it without delaying, seconds. But to panic, to wild horror I tremble before authorities in any their manifestation: officials, militia, the administration at work is simple. All of them have on me improbable, hypnotic influence. When they shout, threaten, I not in forces something to object, I lose a speech power. But then I burn with anger. I build huge offers, phrases which need to be told in reply and I know that I will never be able to say them aloud. The next quarrel if it is so possible to call it, will end as always with acquiescence.

– You are not fair to yourself. You wish silent, quietly bright life. And all this is inaccessible to you now. For some reason, you think in old age everything conceived will come. Maybe so. Watching what to want. Your uninteresting, monkey business irritates you, exhausts as penal servitude. Such as you millions and you spend the best years, huge forces on absolute nothing. Beginning from arms, finishing any small institutions which build the existence on a lot of papers. There is a lot of them that there is no uniform control system anywhere. Everything so far came that already nobody knows as has to be as it is correct. You spend precious time, standing idle in lines to officials for the sake of some piece of paper, the signature, the press. How many in it it is engaged to the people? What for? If your world is especially material that too not the best option. they make nothing, and others should work for themselves and for someone else. You pay a heap of taxes. The money which is honestly earned with toilers disappears in the unknown directions.

Since early years to death you live only in the bans, some ridiculous rules, a framework which do not facilitate, and complicate existence. But believe me, your structure of society – not dogma, happens differently. People force… to study at once, not to from year to year what would like, and to what someone decided to teach you to. To someone whom you do not even know, more visible what to teach you to and what is not necessary to. Then work for pennies. It is very favorable, to earn millions from someone’s work not to live in the framework erected for the majority. Your great rulers of the destiny as louses on a body – are eaten off will not burst yet, but will drag away up to this point not one soul for themselves in an abyss. Therefore you dream of an old age, of death, difficultly to realize all senselessness of such existence. If there is a miracle, light at the end of a tunnel is seen, with enthusiasm you start working, plan, endow everything, but when reaches paperwork, underwater rocks which often break the ship of a dream begin and you sink because of shortage of the signature, money for a bribe and other trifle without which it is perfectly possible to do. You justify youselves, the pier in a different way is impossible, or shout, show us as well as we will make. Really do not look for compromises, you do not want to see – already showed, as well as more than once. When to happen to see – the following excuse: we are not able. And so indefinitely. But trust, so will not be always. People to regain consciousness from a dream. Time of terrible revaluation of values and life will come in general. The handful of people cannot own the planet, and especially minds of millions are not subject to them. There will be an hour, and all people in a flash will understand the importance. In a flash the poor and the rich, slaves and misters, defect and crimes will disappear. Awareness of unity of the Universe will be excluded by murders and theft. It is silly to steal from himself.

– Ania, – its voice became tender as singing of birds around, – I need to tell something to you.

In his eyes and so everything was told, but the girl more than ever wanted to be mistaken.

“So should not be, – heart went on, – I waited for it all life”.

– It is time for me to depart, – sounded as a thunder.

Konstantin spoke for a long time, but she did not hear him any more. She felt sorry for herself, it is a pity for the destiny which deceived her again, having left alone with pain. Released hope and, without having allowed to enjoy, took away back.

– You do not take offense, I will tell still something. In the world you are doomed, to be unfortunate. Your purity here – defect. Good people at you are necessary to nobody, they are derelicts. There is, of course, a choice: or to turn into the zombie, having merged with the others, or to battle alone against what is not fated to be overcome. In any case, you will not be able, the system you will break. And at the same time someone has to begin to fight, to offer voluntarily the life in the benefit, to become the black sheep. To doom itself to deprivations and offenses, such is a fate of martyrs. But anyway, the choice always remains for you.

– When to you to leave? – she tried to hide melancholy, his words now did not concern Ania at all. Tomorrow without it was already always on the mind. Day, as well as thousands of others similar one on another as uterine twins. In them there is neither joy, nor happiness only contemptible loneliness pulling down.

– Already soon.

– Let’s walk last time.

It readily rose from a bench and held up it the hand.

Went slowly. Did not talk about anything and what was to speak to them now about – two such close and such far. When parting for ever any words sound silly and it is not necessary, only muffling the feelings aggravated to a limit, obscuring heart reason. So, without noticing that, came to an end of the park. Greens smoothly passed into city policlinic. This new building with the shining glasses and a brilliant roof not absolutely was in harmony with surrounding lindens and chestnuts.

– I need to come, – she nodded on policlinic, – will wait?

– I will wait, – it is somehow lost the guy answered and it was discharged in a shadow of trees.

Actually, urgency in a visit to the doctor was not. Just Ania needed to take breath, to stay alone, and that is a little more and she would burst out crying.

Wind rushed into the corridor which became permeated with the smell of drugs and human sufferings, mechanically curtailed for a corner and came to be near a door with the green plate. “The office No. 10 Yurov Andrey Aleksandrovich is a family doctor” – it appeared on her.

People it was decent. Having asked edge, the girl took seat on a rigid stool and began to consider a ceiling. She did not want to come to light, she delayed parting and did not know how to make it. In the head various options of a delay of an inevitable event fought. But everything was not that. The turn of patients disturbed by something brought out of a stupor.

– Here all with a temperature and, nevertheless, do not jump the line. Wait as all!

The patients who approached after all did not wish to wait. On their communication it was clear – the father and the son. Yes they were also similar. Both are small, chubby. Solidly dressed. Only the father unlike the son, had a small high temple on the head. The guy possessed a stately blond head of hear. Constantly exchanging words with someone by mobile phones, with the important, dismissed gait serially departed from an office on several steps. However, it did not complicate to listen, at desire, what it there is a speech about.

– No, in hospital. Now we stint and we will arrive… What? Already all gathered, we will be soon. Cover.

– Stas, – called up the son closer when that hung up too, – turn big… Well anything.

Dialed number and it was shortly thrown with someone a couple of phrases. At once from an office the voice of the doctor was distributed,

– Fabrikin, following comes. – Having rested eyes against a floor people were silent.

With a type of the winner, in a rush of superiority and fastidiousness to people around, the youth came into the opened door but, being proud, forgot to cover it for himself.

– Generally, the sick-list I to you wrote out. Let at me will stay though it and is not necessary. In ten days you will come you will take away… I will set all seals…

Ania still unnoticed left the building, as well as entered it. It was far in a midday and corridors long ago became empty. Its own steps softly and in a disgusting way were distributed somewhere in a nape.

– Everywhere it occurs. Really indeed did not notice it. And others do not want to see. It is easier to close eyes and to consider that all and has to be. Everywhere small rage, lies, cruelty and other defects, being summarized, lead to general suffering.

Konstantin was not anywhere. On a trunk of a linden under which it melted the white sheet of paper loomed. Ania the shivering hands broke it from a hairpin and brought to the person. The large tears which are painfully burning cheeks laid eyes, preventing to read. Brushed away them a hand. Through a white veil lines began to appear.

– Forgive, I am not able to say goodbye. It is so easier for you. As if you did not persuade, I have no right to remain. I love you very much. Your Konstantin.

More Ania did not constrain tears. Loudly sobbing on anybody, without paying attention, went back on the park.

– Your Konstantin, – she infinitely repeated, and tears with a new force broke from long eyelashes.

In the sky something rumbled.

– I will not give up, I will not turn. I will fight. Whether you hear me, – she cried that was urine, having raised the head to the darkening heaven.

Watered a rain. Began to smell ozone.