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What she wanted was to be alone. To close all the doors and just sit in her own grief, not deal with everyone else’s. She glanced over at Megs who stood next to her in a white silk blouse and black woolen skirt. She seemed so composed. Looked so serene. How did she do it? She glanced at Megs’s black ballerina flats. Must be the shoes.
She wiggled her toes in the heels she was wearing and turned to the next woman in the receiving line, Aunt Lillian’s daughter Beth. Short like all of the women in Grammy’s family had been, a black wool dress swallowed her, and the matching black hat obscured her face. “You girls sure have grown up.”
Kelly wasn’t sure how to answer that. Thanks? Yes, it’s called time passing? Instead, she gave the woman a dry kiss on her papery thin cheek. “Good to see you, Beth. It’s been a long time.”
She sniffed and looked her over from head to toe then eyed Megs. “You’re all that’s left of my aunt. I expect you to stay in touch.”
Megs leaned down and gave the woman a quick hug and pat on the shoulder. “Yes, ma’am. Is your sister Amy here?”
“She’ll arrive in time for the funeral tomorrow.” Beth glanced around the funeral home. “I’m glad to see everyone paying tribute to Aunt Addy. You both did a fine job planning this.”
And with that she moved on with a regal air of dismissal. Kelly whispered in Megs’s ear, “I feel like curtsying and kissing her hand when we’re around her.”
Megs squelched a smile by coughing into her fist. “Be nice. She’s the only family we have left now.”
“You’re all the family I need.” Kelly reached over and squeezed her hand. “No matter what, I’m going to be here for you.”
“Even if you’re in Nashville?”
Kelly didn’t want to think about that just yet. It was nice being home for now. To get to know her sister better and make some decisions about her future.
But she didn’t say any of that.
Instead, she tried a smile yet found it difficult to keep it in place. “Especially then.”
Folks continued to join the receiving line, so Kelly shook hands with the next person who stepped forward. The young woman looked as if life had chewed her up a bit, but she was still standing. “Your grandmother was an amazing woman. She always made sure to drop off extra bread to my house. There were nights when that’s all we had to eat. God bless her.”
The woman moved toward Megs, and they embraced. Her sister gave the woman a smile. “It will be all right, Shelley. You know I can’t stop baking at one or two loaves.”
Kelly turned to the next person, a man who held a fedora in his hands. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Shame about Addy. She was one fine woman.”
“Thank you.”
Megs took one of the man’s hands in her own. “She thought the world of you, too, Walt.”
“The bakery is business as usual?” he asked.
Megs nodded. “I’ll make sure to deliver your order myself. You don’t need to worry.”
When Walt left, Kelly leaned closer to Megs. “These people are worried they won’t get their bread and cookies?”
“It’s more than that. You wouldn’t understand. They’re checking to make sure I’m going to honor Grammy’s promises.” Megs greeted the next visitor and hugged the tiny woman. “Eva, you’re looking splendid.”
“Cancer can’t beat me. And I’m gonna be a grandma again. Can you believe it’s almost time for Suzy to have that baby?” The woman wore a huge grin that even death couldn’t dim. She turned to Kelly and said, “Addy always swore the best thing she ever did was raise you two girls.”
Kelly nodded and bit her lip to keep from crying again. The fact that Grammy had taken in two teenagers after their father died and their mother ran off had changed her life forever. Again, the loss of her grandmother shook the foundation of Kelly’s world. She’d told her reflection over and over that morning that she could get through the visitation without crying, but it seemed as if she was growing closer to breaking that promise. “We couldn’t have asked for a better parent.”
“They don’t make them better than Adelaide Sweet.” The woman reached up and kissed Kelly on both cheeks then did the same to Megs before moving across the room toward the casket.
Kelly addressed her sister. “And that was?”
“Eva Stone. If you’re in town for much longer, you’ll get to know her. She works with as many charities as Grammy used to. And we’re making the cake for her daughter-in-law’s baby shower this Sunday.” Megs groaned softly and massaged the back of her neck. “How many more people do you think are coming today?”
Kelly scanned the room and guessed that almost the entire town must be there. After paying their respects to Addy, people moved in small groups to the table in the back where Megs had placed all the baked goods she’d made. But every time Kelly thought they had seen the last visitor, two more would walk in. She looked up at the door as Sam entered the room. His presence suddenly made her feel lighter inside.
He made a beeline to the sisters and gave a hug to Megs then nodded at Kelly. “Quite a turn out. Addy must be mad as all get-out to be missing it.”
“Something tells me she isn’t.” Megs wrapped her arms around her waist and took a deep breath. “And this is the easy part. I can’t even imagine the funeral.” Her sister glanced around the room, then at the two of them. “I need some air.”
Kelly nodded. “I’ll go with you.”
“No.”
Kelly took a step back at the vehemence in her sister’s voice. She shrugged. “Fine. I’ll stay and greet anyone that comes in.”
She watched as Megs nodded but ran out of the room. Frowning, she spoke to Sam. “Every time I think we’re making headway, she runs. I can’t seem to get her to open up to me.”
“Do you blame her?” Sam kept his gaze on the door Megs had disappeared through. “You’ve been gone so much that you’re practically a stranger to her. She doesn’t know you. Not anymore.”
Kelly’s frown deepened. “You think you know so much about me, but you have no idea.”
“You’re right. I’m sure I don’t.” He peered at her closely, then shrugged. “Neither does your sister. So why don’t you give her some time?” He reached up and adjusted his tie that was already lying perfectly. “Unless you’re planning on leaving right away again.”
Leave for what? She needed this time to figure things out. “I don’t have anything to go back to right now. I thought everything I had left was here, but maybe I was wrong. I don’t have anything at all if I don’t have my sister.” She hung her head and closed her eyes at the sting in them. Breathe in, breathe out.
She felt a hand on her back and knew it was Sam. Assured, solid, she put her arms around his neck and clung to him. “Hey, you do have Megs even if it isn’t exactly what you expected.” He paused, but kept moving his hand in slow circles between her shoulder blades. “I don’t mean to be so hard on you for this, but you’re not alone. And I’ll be there for you, too, if you want.”
But what was Sam? A neighbor? A friend? She let him hold her, not wanting to think about it too closely. Borrowing some of his strength, she used it to push her emotions down. She couldn’t cry here. If she did, she wouldn’t be able to stop. And she had to be strong. For Grammy. For Megs.
For herself.
* * *
SAM SHIFTED THE woman in his arms. Kelly tried to come across as tough, but he suspected that maybe it was a front. That she wanted to keep up a tough exterior so no one could get too close. That she let him hold her surprised even him. The fact that she felt so good there in his arms awakened feelings he would have to figure out later. This was Kelly. Addy’s granddaughter. He should consider her off limits.
She let go of him, and he led Kelly over to a sofa and sat next to her. He grabbed a box of tissues from the table beside them, pulled one out and offered it to her. She took it, but worried it in her hands rather than dabbing her eyes. He glanced at the door, hoping to see Megs returning to them. He didn’t know what to say to Kelly. He didn’t know her. Not like her sister, who had become like family. He nudged her shoulder. “Do you want a glass of water?”
She stared at the tissue in her hand and shook her head, the blond strands of her hair catching on the silver necklace around her slender neck. She pulled her hair behind her with one hand and let the strands fall down her back in a golden waterfall. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look good.”
She lifted her eyes to stare at him. “You’re not supposed to say that to a crying woman.”
“Well, I never claimed to be good with women, especially crying ones.” He put his arm around her. “I want to help you feel better.”
“You’re not doing a good job of that right now.” She wiped at the smudges of black under her eyes and gave a low laugh that sounded false. And bitter. “You don’t understand. Grammy was more than just a mother figure to me. She was my biggest fan.” She hiccupped, and the next words came out soft. “My only fan.”
“She believed in you.”
A nod. “But she believed in everybody. She always said—” Her voice broke, but she managed to continue, “She said that everyone had a talent, but only the lucky ones found their passion.” She gazed up at him, and he longed to wipe the pain away from those deep blue eyes. “Do you think that’s true? Do you have a passion?”
If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be in Michigan using the skills he’d learned from his grandfather Sam. Thankfully his grandfather had taught him how to build things, use his hands, even fix up houses that were diamonds in the rough. Without that, he’d have been stuck following his dad’s dream of stardom for him. He smiled. “I do.”
“Singing means everything to Grammy. And to me, but I don’t know.” Her gaze drifted over his shoulder.
He turned and found Megs back in the room. Kelly moved an inch away from him as her sister approached them. He held up the tissue box to Megs. “Are you okay?”
Megs gave them a weak smile. “I know we’re supposed to stay for another half hour, but I gotta go somewhere other than here.” She put her hand on Kelly’s shoulder. “You can come with me, unless you’d rather stay.”
Kelly didn’t hesitate as she stood. “Take me with you.”
They both turned and looked at Sam. He shook his head. “Wouldn’t want to come between you two girls. Besides, I’ll make sure everything gets taken care of here before they close for the night. You want me to take the leftover pastries to your place?”
“Mark from the shelter said he’d bring them home to his guys. I left bakery boxes to pack everything in.” Megs slipped her arm around his waist for a brief hug. “Thank you, Sam. You’ve been amazing.”
He shrugged and ducked his head. “What are friends for? Get some rest tonight. I’ll come over in the morning to drive you both to the church.”
He faced Kelly. Did he hug her? Shake her hand? He still didn’t know what their connection was just yet. She made the decision for him and gave him a nod before turning and following her sister out of the funeral home.
* * *
JUST BEFORE THEY reached Grammy’s farmhouse, Megs made a left turn down a dirt road. Kelly shifted to look at her sister. “Where are we going?”
Megs kept her gaze straight ahead. “I can’t go back to that house. Not yet.” She slowed the car, steering farther to the left, then stopped in the middle of a clearing surrounded by pine trees and switched the ignition off. She left the headlights on and got out.
Kelly shook her head as she watched Megs stare out into the darkness. What in the world had gotten into her sister? She’d driven them into the middle of nowhere to do what?
Kelly got out of the car and leaned on the door frame while watching her sister follow the beams from the headlights down a dirt path to the edge of the water. “You brought us to Miller’s Pond?”
Megs didn’t answer but kicked off her flats and unbuttoned her blouse. She tossed the shirt aside and started to unzip her skirt and step out of it. She turned back to look at Kelly. “You coming or not?”
Had grief finally driven her sister off the deep end? “It’s October and barely sixty degrees out, and you’re going to go swimming? Do you know what Grammy would say?”
“To stop being foolish and get back in the car.” Megs turned back to stare at the dark watery depths. “And that’s exactly why I’m going to go in.”
Who was this woman and what had she done with her sister? “You’re crazy.”
“Yep.” Megs took a deep breath and dove headfirst into the pond.
Kelly shrieked and left the car. In the moonlight, she searched the edge of the bank and found her sister floating on her back. She shook her head and muttered under her breath about grief making people, who were normally sane, stark raving mad. But she took off her shoes and pulled the dress over her head. “You’re nuts. Absolutely bonkers.”
She walked the few feet to the edge of the pond and dipped her toe in the water. And quickly snatched it back out. “It’s freezing.”
“Just come in already.”
Kelly closed her eyes and cautiously went forward until she was waist deep in very cold water. The shock from the low temperature made her teeth chatter and goose bumps rise on her skin. She took a deep breath and dropped under the water. In for a penny.
She sputtered as she stood and broke the water’s surface. “This is insane. Why are we doing this again?”
Megs turned onto her belly and swam slowly toward Kelly. “Because we needed something to wake us up.”
“Becoming an ice cube works.”
“You won’t feel as cold if you only keep your head above water.”
Kelly crouched down, but didn’t feel any warmer. “I never figured you to do something like this. I thought I was the reckless one. The one who did things first and thought about the consequences later.”
Megs swam a circle around her. “Maybe I do stuff like this all the time. How would you know?”
Her little sister a rebel? Please. She’d done exactly as Grammy had told her since they’d moved into the farmhouse as teenagers. Kelly was the one who disobeyed the rules, pushed the limits. Megs kept her head down and her nose clean. Kelly peered at her sister, wishing she could see better in the dark. “Do you really go swimming like this all the time?”
Megs rose and walked out of the pond. She gathered her clothes and shoes then headed to the car. “I didn’t eat anything at the funeral home, and I’m starving. Let’s go home.”
About time. She would morph into a popsicle if they stayed in that pond any longer.
Back at the farmhouse, they each took hot showers then put on flannel pajamas and thick bathrobes and slippers before reconvening in the kitchen. Casseroles and salads dropped off by well-meaning friends filled the refrigerator, so they set the containers on the island and ate with their fingers while perched on stools.
She couldn’t remember being so hungry before. But like Megs said, Kelly hadn’t eaten since breakfast, either. And she’d been afraid that anything she ate at the funeral home would get stuck in her throat. She took a green bean from the three-bean salad and popped it into her mouth. She watched Megs as her sister chewed before having a sip of water. “So what was that out there at the pond?”
Her sister shrugged and concentrated on her plate of cheesy potatoes. “Needed to do something different.” Megs looked up and pointed at Kelly. “Ready for your solo tomorrow?”
Nice way to change the topic. “I think I know the words. We sang the song often enough in church as kids. And you’re switching subjects. Why?”
“Don’t like the focus on me. Never did.” She pushed her plate away from her, then patted her belly. “If I eat any more, I’m going to have a coronary. Sally put enough cheese in there to clog my arteries four times over.”
“That’s what makes them so good.” Kelly helped herself to some potatoes from Megan’s plate. “I can’t believe how much food there is. You won’t have to cook for a month.”
“It’s Lake Mildred. It’s what we do when someone dies. Feed the family that’s left.” She started to cover dishes and put things away. “But then maybe you’ve been gone so long that you’ve forgotten.”
“You won’t let that go, will you?”
Megs looked up from replacing the plastic wrap over the chicken and noodle casserole. “I guess I’m wondering how long you’re planning on staying this time?”
The big question. “I don’t know.”
Megs pursed her lips but didn’t say anything. She shoved the food back into the refrigerator, letting the plates and pans clink louder than necessary. Kelly left her stool and handed her sister the remaining bowl of salad. “What do you want me to say, Megs? That I’m moving back for good? Because we both know that would be a lie.”
Megs slammed shut the refrigerator door and glared at her. “What is so wrong with this place that you always have to leave? Why couldn’t you stay?”
“Why couldn’t you leave?”
They stared at each other for a moment, then Megs closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m going to bed. You can clean up the rest of the kitchen.” Her sister walked out, not looking back at her.
Kelly took their dirty plates to the sink and washed them by hand before putting them in the wooden rack that always sat out on the counter. Then she found a dishcloth and wiped down the counters. She snapped off the light and stared out the kitchen window to the backyard. To her left, she heard Sam’s pickup pull into the driveway. She glanced out the side door and saw him get out and run up the stairs to his apartment above the garage.
She couldn’t figure him out. He acted like a big brother to her own sister, but she doubted he felt the same toward her. It was something different. Like he didn’t know what to do with her any more than she did with him. Like when he’d hugged Megs at the funeral home but stood looking at her, waiting for her to handle the situation between them. Was she like a sister? Friend? More? Kelly still wasn’t sure.
The kitchen cleaned, she took the stairs up to her old bedroom, but hesitated when she was standing next to the bed. Over her shoulder, she glimpsed the open doorway. She snatched her pillow and walked down the hall to the closed door of her sister’s bedroom. Knocked once. Twice. Then she opened the door. “Can I sleep in here with you? I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
Her sister didn’t answer out loud, but pulled the covers back on the other side of the queen-size bed. Kelly smiled and crawled in next to Megs. She fluffed her pillow behind her head then brought the quilt up to her chin. Stared at the ceiling. Wondered if her sister had fallen asleep, or if she couldn’t quiet her mind from the memories like herself.
She got her answer when Megs flopped on her back and exhaled through her nose. “You’re thinking too loud.”
“And you’re not?”
She rolled onto her side, facing Kelly. “I can’t believe she’s really gone. I keep waiting to hear her calling me to help her figure out her meds. Or that we’re late getting to the bakery.”
“I keep expecting to see her in her favorite apron. The blue one—”
“With the butterflies. I know.” Megs sighed and fingered the edge of the quilt. “First Pop, then Daddy. Now Grammy. They’re all leaving me. And you will, too.”
Kelly glared at the ceiling. “I’m not leaving. Not right away.”
“But you will, and I’ll be all alone.”
Kelly moved onto her side to face her sister. If anyone was alone, it was her. Megs had a whole community behind her. What did she have? “The town’s in love with you and your pastries. You’re not alone.”
“Doesn’t feel that way.”
Kelly knew what she meant. She squeezed her eyes shut to try to hold back the tears. “Don’t get me started crying.”
“Maybe that’s what you need.”
The first wet drop followed the slope of her nose then down her cheek onto the pillow. Soon another followed just as silent.
Megs shifted onto her back. “Every night, after I gave Grammy her meds, I kissed her and came upstairs. I’d stand at the top of the stairs and yell down, ‘Good night. I love you.’ And she’d answer back, ‘Love you, too, Meggie.’ Tonight, I paused at the top of the stairs, but then realized I’m never going to hear that again.”
The only sound filling the house was the ticking of the grandfather clock downstairs. Suddenly, Megs called out, “Good night, Grammy! We love you!”
Silence answered back. In the dark, Kelly reached over and squeezed her sister’s hand. She raised her voice. “Love you always.”
They held each other’s hands and cried until they fell asleep.
CHAPTER FOUR
GRAMMY’S FUNERAL WAS held on a rainy Thursday morning. The number of people that showed up to pay their respects amazed Kelly. Addy Sweet had been a part of the community of Lake Mildred for over eighty years. She’d seen the town grow from a few hundred souls to over ten thousand. She’d survived the lean years and enjoyed the plenty. She’d been a fixture at the Sweetheart, and no one could imagine what the bakery would be like without her. Megs had inherited her baking gene, thank goodness. Because if they were depending on Kelly to create pastries then they would go hungry waiting.
Kelly tugged at the dark green cardigan that she’d thrown on over the simple black dress. The harsh colors probably washed her out, but then she looked pale no matter what she wore or how much makeup she put on. She hummed the beginning bars of her solo until a sob choked her, and she took a moment to calm herself. She could do this. She could sit through her grandmother’s funeral and sing her favorite song. She could say goodbye to the woman who had raised her since being a teen.
Oh, Grammy.
She entered the church and found Megs sitting in a pew at the front, kneading her bare foot. “I don’t know how people can wear heels all day.”
“I don’t know how you can stand all day making dough, so we’re even.” She took a seat next to her sister and tried to count the number of people in the other pews. “I figured there would be a good turnout, but this is too many.”
“She’s baked the cake for every wedding in Lake Mildred for sixty-plus years,” Megs said with a shrug. “As well as first birthday cakes, Valentine cookies and warm bread for the sick. People shared their joys and their sorrows with her. They loved her.”
“We loved her more.”
Megs gave a soft smile, then nodded toward the back. “I asked Sam to be one of the pallbearers. As well as Rick and some others who admired Grammy. But if you wanted to be one, I can add your name to the list.”
Kelly shook her head. “No. I’m having enough trouble getting up the courage to sing. I’ve had stage fright before, but I’m not sure I can do this.”
“You have to. Grammy would have wanted you to.”
“I know.” She inhaled and held a breath, letting it go in a hum. She started to cough, then waved her hand at Megs. “I need some air.”
The organ began playing, and both sisters paled. Megs gave her a shrug. “No time. Can you do this?”
Kelly nodded and squeezed her sister’s hand before walking up the three steps to the dais where the microphone waited for her. She grasped it, removing it from the stand. Bowing her head, she let the bars of the intro play. Told herself that this was like any other singing gig. She’d been born to do this. Then it was her cue. She lifted her head and opened her mouth.
Nothing came out.
She glanced at the organist who played the intro again. She closed her eyes. She knew the words. She’d sung them thousands of times. She opened her mouth, but while the words were on the tip of her tongue, there was no sound. Her eyes wide now, she looked at Megs who watched her with a frown. She glanced at Sam who waited in the back of the sanctuary with the coffin. She shook her head, and hot tears filled her eyes. She looked at the floor, letting her hand with the microphone drop.
Then Megs was standing next to her, putting her arm around her. Megs led the congregation, singing the first words of “Amazing Grace” as the pallbearers carried the casket with Grammy to the front.