- -
- 100%
- +
“I know what it means to be in love, Stephen. About the Author Title Page Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Epilogue Copyright
“I know what it means to be in love, Stephen.
“I know how it feels to put someone else’s needs before your own, to make a decision you know you will regret, because it is the only one that will make the person you love happy.” Rachel continued, “I know what real love is, but do you? Answer me that!”
There was a nerve ticking along Stephen’s jaw and his lips were drawn into a tight line that spoke of restraint. “Oh, I know what love is, Rachel. I know what a fool it makes of a man. He sees, believes things that aren’t true.” He gave a contemptuous laugh. “I know that above all else, above the passion and the desire, love means fidelity and trust—and they are two things that you have no conception of and probably never will have.”
Jennifer Taylor was born in Liverpool, England, and still lives in the northwest, several miles outside the city. Books have always been a passion of hers, so it seemed natural to choose a career in librarianship—a wise decision, as the library was where she met her husband, Bill. Twenty years and two children later, they are still happily married, with the added bonus that she has discovered how challenging and enjoyable writing romance fiction can be!
www.millsandboon.co.uk
CHAPTER ONE
STEPHEN didn’t bother to tell anyone he was leaving. He simply took his private lift down to the ground floor. They would find out soon enough that he was gone—when the negotiations were over.
Frankly, he no longer cared what the outcome would be, whether or not by this evening he would still have control of the company he had built up with such ruthless determination over the past ten years. He had known last night when he’d heard the news he had been waiting for what he must do today.
The irony of the situation struck him as amusing. Ever since the take-over bid had first been made and he had decided not to fight it he had been looking for Rachel. The team of investigators he’d hired had had little success in tracking her down, and then last night Stephen had received a phone call.
He had been stunned to learn that Rachel was here in the town—yet in an odd way wasn’t it fitting? Rachel had gone out of his life just as everything was beginning; that she should come back now seemed somehow right. Now he intended to tie up some loose ends before he closed the book on this chapter in his life.
The wind was sharp as it blew across from the park. It lifted the dark brown hair back from his face, setting his harshly cut features in even sharper relief. Stephen caught a glimpse of himself in the glass door and smiled again with little pleasure.
Life and experience had etched themselves onto his face and filled his slate-grey eyes with cynicism. That was the legacy he would be left with when this was over. Oh, there would be money, of course—more than he would need in his lifetime—but nothing to make him regret the decision he had made. It seemed a bitter indictment of all he had achieved.
The roads were quiet, but Stephen took his time following a route which he hadn’t taken in years. His life had moved on from these narrow streets, the huge house set in countless acres now the proper setting for a man of his means, but as he drove he experienced a sense of time slipping away...
His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he drew up outside the house. He felt overwhelmed by the sudden feeling that he could be making a mistake. What did he hope to achieve by this meeting? Rachel had made no attempt to seek him out, so was he a fool to rake up the past when it might be best to leave things as they were?
Stephen hesitated only for a moment before his resolve hardened. For the past ten years he had wanted answers, and now more than any other time seemed the perfect time to hear them.
He glanced along the street as he got out of the car and felt shock hit him hard in the stomach when he saw the woman walking towards him. She was muffled up in a thick coat, the hood drawn up over her head, but he would have recognised that long-legged stride anywhere...
‘Rachel.’
Her name slid so easily from his lips that it might have been days not years since he had seen her last. Stephen had thought he was prepared for this meeting, yet he wasn’t prepared at all as everything he had felt that long-ago lost summer came rushing back so swiftly, so fiercely...
‘Can we go to the park later, Mummy? Please?’
The child’s voice carried clearly along the street. Stephen started, realising for the first time that Rachel wasn’t alone, then seconds later registering what he had heard. His gaze fell to the child beside her and he experienced another cold jolt of shock.
The boy had to be Rachel’s son; the resemblance to her was startling as the child ran on ahead and came closer to him. It wasn’t just the boy’s pale gold hair or his small, even features, but the lift of his chin, which carried a familiar hint of determination, the way he looked Stephen straight in the eyes so unflinchingly as he stopped outside the house...
The shock Stephen had felt before was just a forerunner for what he felt then. He stared into the boy’s eyes and saw there something he had never dreamed he would see!
Suddenly, he felt anger start to burn inside him and melt away the years of uncertainty. Once the need to find out the truth had eaten into his soul. Now he knew what that truth was at last, although he didn’t have all the answers...but he would!
Stephen looked up, his eyes like ice as he watched Rachel stop to open her bag. Yes, he would have his answers—and something which by rights should have been his a long time ago!
Rachel took the keys out of her bag and sighed. The last thing she felt like doing was taking Jamie to the park, but she hated to refuse him the small treat. If only she didn’t feel so tired, but nursing Aunt Edith in the weeks before the elderly woman died had been exhausting.
Rachel hadn’t wanted to come back, but her conscience wouldn’t have allowed her to stay away after she had got her aunt’s letter, and in the event her fears about returning had proved groundless.
Now all that remained to be done was to pack what few things Aunt Edith had left to her and go home. Yet the thought of going back to her flat on a faceless estate in Birmingham wasn’t one Rachel relished. Being cooped up in a tower block wasn’t the best thing for a nine-year-old.
Jamie was waiting on the doorstep, staring at the expensive car parked by the kerb. Rachel glanced at it curiously as she slid her key into the lock. Her gaze moved on to the man leaning against the bonnet and she felt the shock run through her so fast that it stole her breath.
For a moment she couldn’t seem to move, her whole body clenched in a spasm of disbelief as she stared at him. The wind suddenly rose, whipping the hood off her head so that her long silver-blonde hair blew across her face, but Rachel just stood there, unmoving, and heard the man give a low laugh which held no trace of amusement.
‘Hello, Rachel. How are you? I hope you haven’t forgotten me. Stephen Hunter...remember?’ He looked at Jamie and his eyes were full of a hard, cold anger when they came back to her. ‘I’m sure you must.’
He knew! Rachel felt the words swell inside her, filling her with fear and stealing her ability to think rationally. All she knew was that she had to get away from the knowledge she saw in Stephen Hunter’s eyes!
Her breath came in tiny frightened spurts as she grasped Jamie’s hand to hurry him inside, but suddenly Stephen was there, big and dangerous-looking as he placed his arm across the door and barred her way.
‘No! You aren’t going anywhere. It’s time we talked, Rachel. In fact, I would say it’s way past time we did that, wouldn’t you?’
The taunting note in Stephen’s voice made Rachel feel sick because she had never heard it before. Unbidden, the memory of that summer flooded back, Stephen’s voice saying her name, so deep and resonant with emotion, as he told her that he loved her...
‘Mummy, you’re hurting me!’
Jamie shook her arm, his small face full of mounting fear. Rachel struggled to regain control as she released his hand and forced herself to smile. ‘Sorry, darling. I...I just wanted to get you inside out of the wind.’
‘I’m not cold. Can’t I play out for a bit before we go to the park?’
Stephen glanced down at the child and his expression softened. ‘Why don’t you go inside for now?’ He looked back at Rachel, and there was no trace of softness as he continued, ‘Mummy and I are...old friends. There are a lot of things we need to catch up on.’
Rachel heard the irony in Stephen’s voice. Her heart lurched but she was powerless to do anything with Jamie standing there. She looked down at her son, feeling love spilling through her as she saw the worry on his face. What was the point in worrying Jamie even more when she might be able to sort this out without the need to tell him who Stephen Hunter was?
‘Yes, go along in, Jamie. I won’t be long.’
Jamie gave them both a considering look then disappeared inside the house. Rachel took a long, slow breath before she turned to face Stephen. In the beginning she had imagined this scene so many times, at her blackest moments half wished that it would happen. But the years had passed and the likelihood of them ever meeting again had become remote—as remote as Stephen himself had become.
She had read about him in the papers, of course, followed his success and taken comfort from the fact that she had been proved right in doing what she had. The only thing she had ever wanted was Stephen’s happiness. Yet, looking at him now, Rachel suddenly wondered if by ensuring that she had paved the way to her own worst nightmare!
‘Why, Rachel? Answer me that. Why did you do it?’
Stephen’s voice was so low that she had to strain to hear it, but it wasn’t an indication of his feelings. Rachel could hear the fury in those deep tones, feel it emanating from him. She shivered convulsively and looked away, afraid that her fear would be all the confirmation he needed. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
Stephen gave a harsh laugh, his fingers hurting as he turned her face back so that he could stare into her eyes. ‘Don’t lie! Damn you, Rachel, don’t you dare do that on top of everything else you’ve done! I only had to look at the boy to know the truth. He’s my son, isn’t he? Isn’t he?’
‘I... No...no! You’re wrong, Stephen.’ Rachel forced a laugh but it sounded empty of conviction even to her. ‘I don’t know where you got that idea from...’
‘The boy has my eyes, Rachel. I looked at him and saw the same reflection I see each day in the mirror. My eyes, your features...our child! Now all I want to know is why you didn’t tell me. Why for all these years you have kept my child, my son, a secret from me.’
Stephen’s fingers tightened on her chin, his eyes glittering wildly. Rachel felt a jolt of real fear. Stephen was almost out of control. Who knew what he was capable of right then, what he might be capable of later?
Stephen Hunter was a powerful man now, with a reputation of always getting what he wanted. What if he decided that he wanted Jamie? What if his anger turned into a desire to take back what she had held from him all these years? That she had done so only to ensure that Stephen might achieve the success he had wanted so desperately would mean nothing to him now.
Losing Jamie was a risk she wouldn’t take!
‘No! You’re wrong. Jamie isn’t...isn’t yours.’ Rachel swallowed hard, aching for the lie she must tell. ‘Jamie just has the Hunter eyes not...not your eyes, Stephen.’
Her voice was low but she felt Stephen tense. She winced from the pressure of his fingers yet he seemed not to notice. He stared back at her, his face set, his eyes so dark that they appeared almost black. ‘Meaning?’
‘Ja—Jamie is Robert’s son, not yours. We...we slept together while you were away in London that time. I never wanted you to know, Stephen. That’s why I left after Robert died and I discovered I was pregnant.’
Rachel stared back at him, willing herself not to betray the agony she felt as she denied everything she and Stephen had once been to each other. ‘Jamie isn’t your child but your cousin’s, and you...you have no claim on him.’
For a moment Stephen didn’t move, his fingers still gripping her chin, his eyes still staring into hers. Rachel could feel the ugliness of the lie spreading. She wanted to scream that it wasn’t true, that she had loved him to the exclusion of anyone else, but the words were held back by the fear of what she could be facing until in the end it was too late.
‘Damn you, Rachel! Damn you to hell!’
Stephen let her go, his eyes blazing down at her for one long moment before he turned and strode to his car.
‘Stephen!’ Rachel’s voice held a desperate plea, but if Stephen heard it he gave no sign. He got into the car and drove off without looking back, leaving Rachel as once she had left him—but her reasons for doing so then had been ones of love; Stephen’s now were born out of hatred.
‘Mum, what’s the matter? Why are you crying? What did that man say to upset you?’
Jamie touched her arm, shades of uncertainty in his voice. Rachel ran a hand over her face, unaware until that moment that she was crying. She glanced down at her son, her heart breaking as she recalled what she had seen just now in another pair of grey eyes...
‘Well, I don’t like him! I hope we never see him again.’
Rachel fought free of her own pain when she saw the mutinous pout of Jamie’s lower lip as he glared after the car. Suddenly she knew that she couldn’t let this happen. She might have denied Stephen his son, but she couldn’t live with herself if she allowed Jamie to hate his father.
‘I haven’t seen Stephen for a long time and I...I told him something he didn’t know which upset him. Stephen didn’t make my cry, Jamie. It’s just the wind making my eyes water. How about if we go straight to the park now? And when we get back we can make some toast by the fire for tea?’
Jamie’s face brightened. ‘Brill! Can I make it, Mummy? I’ll be really careful—promise.’
‘We’ll see.’ Rachel smiled shakily. Taking Jamie’s hand, she closed the front door and started back down the road. She paused when they reached the corner to look back, but the street was empty, Stephen gone. But the memory of their meeting was going to haunt her, she knew, like that lie she had told. That Stephen should have believed jt so readily was something else she was going to have to learn to live with.
If Stephen had ever really loved her then surely he should have known she could never betray him like that? ‘So there you are. Dammit, Stephen, you could have said that you were going out! The whole place has been in an uproar for the past hour since you couldn’t be found.’
Stephen turned from the window, his brows arching cynically. ‘I thought I gave you permission to negotiate the deal, David. Why did you need me there to hold your hand?’
Colour ran up the younger man’s face. ‘I know what you told me but it isn’t that simple. Rogerson refuses to deal with anyone but you.’ David laughed wryly. ‘Can’t say I blame him. It does seem hard to believe that The Shark has lost his bite!’
Stephen acknowledged the statement with a thin smile, well aware of the nickname he had acquired since some wit of a journalist had used it in one of the financial papers. He had been likened to a shark, eating up and spitting out anything which got in his path.
Maybe it had been true once, but recently he had lost his taste for the sharp end of business—which was why this take-over bid had arisen. Now, after what had just happened, Stephen was less inclined than ever to worry about what became of the damned company!
His hands clenched as he swung round to stare out of the window again. ‘Then it’s your job to convince him, David. That is what I pay you for and I shall continue to do so until Rogerson takes over. After that, well...’
Stephen shrugged indifferently, wishing that David would leave, knowing that he would have to tell him to go soon. He wanted to be by himself, to let what Rachel had told him sink in so that he could start to understand it!
‘You’re a fool, Stephen! God knows why you’re throwing away everything you’ve worked for. But I do know that you’re making a big mistake. The pity of it is that you will only realise that when it’s too late!’
It was a measure of how deeply David felt that he should speak that way, and it was that which curbed Stephen’s response. ‘Then I shall only have myself to blame. Maybe it’s hard for you to understand but I just don’t give a damn any longer. If it goes it goes; so be it. Now if that’s all...?’
‘Yes, it is! But if I were in your shoes I would be out there fighting. I wouldn’t let anyone take all this away. I would want to pass it on to my children, as something they could be proud of!’
David left, missing the expression which crossed Stephen’s face. Stephen stared out of the window, trying to control the flood of emotions he felt. It felt as though someone had ripped a hole in his chest, torn out what had once been his heart...
He had loved Rachel so much! Maybe it had been simply the intensity of youth which had heightened his feelings for her, the sweetness of first love, but nothing since had ever touched him so deeply, not even his marriage to Shelley. Shelley had been beautiful and cultured and had fit perfectly into the life he had built for himself—but had he ever loved her?
Stephen knew the answer to that without thinking about it, knew that was why Shelley had divorced him in the end. And all he had felt was a fleeting regret that he had failed, little else. Yet learning what Rachel had done all those years ago hurt so bitterly that he could hardly believe the pain and anger he felt.
He slammed his fist against the wall then turned and stared around the luxurious office. Everything he had achieved had been based on that long hot summer. He might have tried to blank thoughts of Rachel from his mind but she had never really left his spirit. He had striven to achieve his dreams because they were the dreams he had discussed with her, the ambitions he had spoken of only to Rachel.
Rachel had been like a shining beacon, her beauty and sweetness unmatched, their relationship something he had measured every succeeding one against—to their detriment. And it had all been a sham, a mockery. Everything he had done so far in his life had been done for the wrong reasons. He felt cheated!
Stephen glanced at his watch and his eyes narrowed. He might not be able to change the past but he could shape his future. He hadn’t known what he wanted for a long time. Now suddenly it was crystal-clear—fresh ambitions, a whole new set of dreams. And Rachel had played her part in it, just as she had played such a vital role before!
CHAPTER TWO
IT WAS almost ten before Jamie finally settled for the night. Rachel had hoped that the distraction of making toast by the fire would take his mind off what had happened, but Jamie had refused to let the incident drop.
Rachel didn’t feel happy about the lies she had been forced to tell but they couldn’t be helped. Jamie knew little about his father, apart from the fact that Rachel had loved him very much. Now Jamie rarely mentioned him. Single-parent families were quite common where they lived, so Jamie found nothing strange about his situation—although that didn’t make it easier for Rachel.
She had lost her own parents in a tragic road accident in her teens and, although Aunt Edith had been kind, Rachel had missed them dreadfully, still valued the years they’d had together as a family. She hated the idea that Jamie would never have the security of two loving parents as she’d had. Had she done the right thing today in telling Stephen what she had?
Rachel sat down on the sofa, recalling their meeting. It had taken on a certain unreality now, yet she didn’t need to try hard to recall how Stephen had looked at her, his eyes so cold and condemning...
A shiver ran through and she got up abruptly to add more coal to the fire. Outside in the street a car door slammed, followed by the sound of footsteps crossing the pavement. Rachel held her breath, her heart racing, but then the door to the adjoining house banged and voices came clearly through the thin dividing wall.
Rachel gave a gasping little sob as she sat down again. What had she imagined? That Stephen had come to see her again? Stephen had believed her story. He had nothing to come for! Anything she and Stephen Hunter had once shared was well and truly dead. Her heart ached at the thought.
The sudden ringing of the doorbell made Rachel jump. She hurried to the window but there was only the car parked next door. Obviously her neighbours had visitors and probably wanted to borrow some milk or something. It was that sort of community, and after the impersonality of the big estate where she and Jamie lived, Rachel found it a pleasant change.
Rachel didn’t bother to slip on the chain before she opened the door, and she felt the smile die on her lips. For a moment she couldn’t find her voice, and then it came out as a husky croak which betrayed only too clearly the shock she felt.
‘What... what do you want?’
Stephen arched both brows, the cool smile doing little to soften his austerely handsome face. ‘I thought I should drop round again. I realised that there were a lot of things we never got around to talking about before.’
‘Th—there’s nothing we need to talk about! Now if you don’t mind...’
Rachel started to close the door, but she was no match for Stephen as he calmly pushed it open and stepped inside. He glanced round, dwarfing the small, shabby hall with his powerful frame. He was wearing a black cashmere coat over a dinner suit and the thick wool added to the impression of bulk, emphasised the solid width of his shoulders, the power of his body.
Rachel had a sudden vivid mental flash of Stephen as he had been all those years before—his lean frame dressed in jeans and shirt, his dark hair falling across his forehead—and then the picture faded as abruptly as it had come and there seemed to be little left of the boy in the elegant figure of the man. Yet when Stephen turned to look at her there was just something in the depths of his eyes which made her heart catch...
Rachel looked away, scared by the sudden rush of warmth along her veins. What she had felt once for this man was long gone. Love couldn’t survive such an absence. Oh, the memory of it was still there, a warm glow which lingered long after the fire had burned out. That summer had been both the best and the worst time in her life, but she was no longer the girl who had loved the young Stephen Hunter with such desperation!
‘You seem surprised to see me, Rachel.’
‘I am surprised! I thought we said everything that needed to be said before.’
‘Did you? How odd. I think there’s still a lot we need to talk about.’ He gave a soft laugh. ‘Even more than I imagined when I first came here today! I’ve been looking for you for a while now, Rachel, but it was only last night that I heard you’d come back to town.’
‘Looking for me...?’ Rachel’s heart seemed to jolt to a halt. ‘I don’t understand. Wh—why would you do that after all this time?’
Stephen smiled thinly. ‘Why indeed? Just a whim, I suppose. I’d reached a point in my life when it seemed time to make some changes. I decided to tie up a few loose ends, find the answers to all the questions which have puzzled me—although I must confess I wasn’t expecting to find out what I did!’