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‘I don’t want your money.’ Her head began to swim and giddiness threatened, but she couldn’t stop now. Not until she’d told him everything. ‘All I wanted to do was tell you in person and leave.’
She looked up at him, wishing things were different—that he hadn’t lied, that he hadn’t said the words that still replayed over and over in her mind. ‘You will tell me.’ The insistent way he’d delivered them had left her in no doubt that fathering a child was the last thing he wanted.
She took in a deep and silent breath and thought of her sister, and the heartbreak she and her husband had been through each time IVF had failed. It seemed so unfair to find out that she’d become pregnant so easily when her sister was breaking her heart, wanting a child. It was just too cruel, and it had left her unable to say anything to her family, let alone confide in her sister. The only person she’d told was Nikos. And right now he was making her feel alone and isolated.
Her time with Nikos had been nothing more than a holiday romance—one of many for him, she was sure. But for her it had changed everything—for ever—and he’d just confirmed her worst fear. He was going to turn his back on her and his child.
She briefly closed her eyes against the torrent of emotions that coursed through her. Pain induced by Nikos, infused with the ever-present hurt of knowing she’d been an unexpected addition to her family, forcing her parents to stay together. If only Nikos felt something for her everything might be different, but that was evidently a hopeless dream. She should walk away now—for her baby’s sake, if not hers.
‘You think you can tell me I am about to be a father and then just leave?’
He moved away from her, towards the ebbing tide, and turned to look out at the sea. His broad shoulders were tense, but she was glad she wasn’t under his scrutiny any longer.
I don’t know what to do. The words screamed inside her head as intense pain stabbed at her heart. She pressed the pads of her fingers to her closed eyes. Going down that line of thought now wouldn’t accomplish anything.
Guilt boiled inside her—as if she’d stolen something from her sister. Especially as she knew there wouldn’t be any more IVF for her after the last treatment. Her sister and her husband didn’t have any savings left.
‘How can we raise a child, Nikos?’
Her words were a tremulous whisper as she moved to stand beside him. The rush of the waves suddenly sounded loud on the beach as she looked at his profile. Not for the first time, she wondered who this man was.
Images of the handsome man she’d had an affair with filled her mind as she looked away and out across the sea. The setting sun was almost gone from the sky. But she didn’t see its beauty. All she saw was Nikos, the man she’d given her heart to, believing she loved him and that he might love her. During those long, hot days his dark hair had gleamed beneath the sun and his blue eyes had filled with desire each time they’d met.
He had been everything she’d ever dreamed of and more, sweeping her away so fast she’d given up her teenage dreams of waiting to find her true love before discovering the pleasure of intimacy with a man. She didn’t regret one moment of that decision. She’d loved Nikos—until he’d looked at her with his condemning eyes on that last night.
He didn’t respond and instinctively she reached out to him, touching his arm. As he turned and looked at her she saw his face wore an expression of pain, and she had the unexpected urge to throw herself into his arms, to be held tight and told everything was going to be okay. Because deep down it was what she wanted—what she needed. To be loved by only this man. But the man she loved didn’t exist.
Instead she stood as tall and proud as possible, finding strength she hadn’t realised she had left. ‘We can’t, Nikos. Not together.’
* * *
‘What are you saying, Serena?’ Nikos all but stumbled over his words as the implications of what she’d said almost silenced him. The reality of the situation had hit him hard, taking away the ability to speak.
Memories of the day his mother had left and questions from his past rushed forward. He tried hard to prevent them from colliding with the present, but he couldn’t shake them off. His father had cursed her, saying he should never have married an English girl, and Nikos had stood alone, ignored and forgotten by each of them. Then his mother had left, her cruel parting words ringing in his ears.
If his father had still been alive he could have found out more about the mother he barely remembered. As a teenager he’d been angry when he’d learnt that her career had been more important than her marriage and her young son. So when she’d made contact on his sixteenth birthday, saying she’d never meant to hurt him, he’d blocked her from his life. He didn’t want to open that door again.
He clenched his hands into tight fists. Fury carried through the years raged inside him, but he pushed it back. He had to keep calm.
That letter from his mother had made him vow never to marry. He had no intention of making the same mistake as his parents. But that vow also denied him the possibility of being a father.
Something shifted inside him. Serena was carrying his child. He took in a deep, steadying breath. He was going to be a father. Fate had altered his life decision and no matter what Serena did or said he would be a father to his child in every way. His past would not write his child’s future. His child would not experience the heartache he’d known and he’d do everything in his power to achieve that.
‘Neither of us can give this child what it needs.’
Her voice was soft, with a definite and unyielding firmness. He looked down at her, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t comprehend the cool and composed words that had slipped easily from her mouth. She was writing off her child as easily as his mother had done.
An icy-cold chill slipped down his spine and the image of the woman before him combined with that of the fair-haired woman in the tatty photograph he’d kept hidden away since he’d been given it by his grandmother. It was his mother—but as far as he was concerned it was just the woman who’d given birth to him. He’d locked it away, out of sight and out of mind, hating her too much to acknowledge her as his mother.
Serena blinked rapidly and he thought he saw a glimmer of moisture, the smallest hint of tears. He narrowed his eyes, assessing the situation. His breath, deep and hard, almost burned his chest as his heart was pumped full of anger, his mouth filled with the bitter taste of betrayal as he remembered what had sounded like a throwaway comment at the time.
Had she planned this from the very start? She’d seduced him so wickedly with her kisses that last night on the beach that he’d lost all control. Had that been her intention all along?
He furrowed his brow, resisting the need to put distance between them. She’d been a virgin the first time they’d made love, which had shocked him so much that he’d fallen under her spell, wanting to spend more and more time with her, yet unable to allow himself to want her emotionally. Had he been naive to be seduced by her?
‘I never planned to be a father, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be there for my child.’
He clenched his fists against the fear of what those words meant. Could he really be a good father when his own had ignored him so much that his grandparents had been compelled to taken him in?
‘I will.’
A spark of something akin to fear mingled with hope showed in her eyes as she moved closer. ‘You want to raise the baby with me?’
He shut his heart to the image of a happy family, slamming the door firmly. ‘That won’t be possible, will it? Not if you have already decided to give it away like a parcel.’
‘I haven’t decided any such thing.’ She glared at him like a wounded animal, wary and untrusting.
‘You constantly spoke of your sister—about her longing for a baby. Do you recall what you told me?’ The harsh words growled from him, and before she could reply he pressed on. ‘“If I could have a baby for her, I would.” Those were your exact words.’
‘How can you twist things like that? It’s what I wished I could do—not what I planned.’
Disappointment rushed over him like a waterfall. When she’d asked if he wanted to raise the baby with her he’d almost allowed himself to believe it was what she wanted, that it could be possible. How foolish.
‘Did you really think you could come here and use the baby—my baby—as a bargaining tool to get money for your sister? Or, worse, give my baby to her?’
She pushed slim fingers through the thickness of her red hair, distracting him momentarily.
‘No. That’s not how it is. This is my baby.’
‘It’s my baby too, Serena.’ Fury thundered in his veins, pulsing around him so fast he couldn’t think straight. It was obvious she’d done her homework. She knew who he was. But was she really capable of seducing him, hoping to become pregnant with a baby for her sister? If he was thinking rationally he’d say no, but with such a revelation knocking him sideways he’d believe anything right now.
As she stood there, glaring angrily at him, challenging him on every level, he knew he had to be there for his baby as it grew up. He wanted to give it all he’d never had. But it didn’t matter how much money he had, he didn’t know if he could do the one thing a father should. Love his child—or anyone.
How could he when he’d never known the love of his parents? And he’d always kept his distance from his grandparents, shunned their love, preferring to stay safe behind his defences even as a young boy. But he had a bond with them. Could he at least bond with his child?
Was he heartless? Was that why his mother had turned her back on him? Why his father had barely looked at him? Was it his fault?
‘I will be there for my child.’ He watched her for a hint of guilt, any trace of her deceit.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
The fury in her voice overflowed, confirming his suspicions.
‘Drop the innocent act. You know who I am. For a woman with your journalist’s training it must have been all too easy to discover more about the father or your child.’ Venom spiked every word as he looked at her, suddenly becoming aware of the waves creeping closer to them. How long had they been discussing this? Hours? Seconds? He didn’t know. Only that it would change things and change him for ever.
‘I have only just looked you up on the internet—in the departure lounge at the airport, to be exact. Because, stupidly, I believed you were an island fisherman, living a simple life. There shouldn’t have been anything more to know.’ Her furious words were flung at him and her eyes sparked like fireworks. ‘You lied to me, used me.’
So the flame-haired temptress had a temper!
‘Just as you lied to me—using me, the “simple fisherman”, as a means to an end.’
‘I didn’t use you at all.’
‘So you deny you seduced me in the hope of getting pregnant with a child you planned to give to your sister?’
She gasped in shock, her acting skills well and truly on display. ‘Of course I do.’
‘In that case I won’t be upsetting your plans.’
‘And what does that mean?’
Her temper flared again. Begrudgingly he admired her spirit. She was even more beautiful when the fire of determination rose up within her.
‘Only that I have every possible means at my disposal and I will be a father to my child, no matter what obstacles you put in my way. I will remove each and every one to get what I want. My child. My heir.’
CHAPTER TWO
SERENA WAS SPEECHLESS. She blinked rapidly as if seeing Nikos for the first time. What did he mean? Her head began to swim as she tried to process what he was saying and she cursed her pregnancy-induced emotions, biting back hard against the urge to dissolve into frustrated tears.
This wasn’t going at all to plan. She hadn’t expected him to welcome her with open arms—not after his parting words—but the discovery of his deceit and his determination to overrule her was totally unexpected.
‘You let me think you were an island fisherman. One who shouldn’t have anything more to tell.’
She’d known coming back to Santorini wouldn’t give her all she really wanted, but never in all her wildest dreams had she imagined this scenario.
She looked at Nikos again, searching for the man she’d fallen in love with. The man who’d set light to the undiscovered woman inside her, capturing her heart and body.
‘Why?’ she asked simply.
‘It was for the best at the time.’ Each word was firm and decisive, his face a mask of composure.
‘I will remove each and every one to get what I want. My child. My heir.’
His words of warning echoed in her head like a haunting melody. It seemed that no matter how much she’d tried to be different from her parents, wanting only to have a happy family, she was heading down the same path.
Her parents had been forced to stay together by an unplanned pregnancy, a mistake. She had grown up carrying the guilt of being that mistake, knowing she had forced her parents to stay together. She was the reason they’d fought, the reason they hated each other now. She didn’t want her child to suffer the same guilt because of the mistake she and Nikos had made.
‘I am an island fisherman.’
He stepped towards her, his voice softer now, but instinct told her not to let her guard drop, that trouble was brewing.
‘But I am also a businessman. My office is in Piraeus and I live in Athens.’
‘So what were you doing on the island? Using the guise of a fisherman to lure women and bolster your ego?’ She couldn’t stop the words from rushing at him.
He glared at her. ‘Fishing was my grandfather’s trade, his business. I help out with the fleet that he started. And knowing your background I wasn’t going to disclose anything personal to you.’
‘My background?’ She was completely at a loss as to what he meant.
‘You are a journalist, are you not?’
She tried hard to process what he was telling her, but couldn’t understand why he’d kept the truth from her. Was it really because she had studied journalism? Did he really fear that? Or was it simply that he hadn’t wanted her to know who he was?
‘Why did you feel the need to hide it from me, Nikos?’ She couldn’t imagine the life Nikos really led. It was too far removed from the man she’d met, the man she’d fallen in love with. He was shattering every dream she’d had of him. ‘Why were you even here, masquerading as a fisherman?’
‘My life changed when I left the island, and my fortunes with it.’ He looked at her, his eyes glacial and hard, his expression unyielding. ‘Every year since, I’ve spent two weeks helping the small fleet of fisherman here on the island. It’s a way of staying connected to my grandparents. And you didn’t ask questions—which made a change.’
‘A change from what?’ He wasn’t making sense—or was it her jumbled emotions? She was tired. Thinking coherently wasn’t easy, but she forced her mind to concentrate.
‘From women wanting all they can get from me—financially and emotionally. It appears you are not different after all.’
‘You lied—you hid the truth—because you were afraid I’d want more?’ The words rushed from her before she could hold them back and his eyes narrowed in response, his mouth setting into an irritated line of hardness.
The stark question he’d fired at her earlier came back, its full meaning now painfully clear.
‘How much?’
That was what he’d said when she’d told him she only wanted one thing from him. It hadn’t made any sense. Now it hit her. He thought she wanted money from him—or worse still, that she’d deliberately got pregnant to give the baby to Sally.
Sickness rose up and her head spun. What kind of man was he?
‘Why didn’t you tell me when we were together?’ She hurled the question at him, her knees becoming ever weaker with shock as nausea threatened to take over.
‘What we shared...’ He took her hands in his and she hated the way her pulse leapt at his touch, counteracting all the pain and turmoil of moments before. ‘It was something special. But it was never destined to be more than a holiday romance, a passing affair.’
He was right about that, at least. She had wished and hoped for more, but deep down had known it would finish once she’d left the island and returned to her life. What she hadn’t known was that he too would leave the island and go back to his life. A life he’d kept from her because he’d believed she was after his money or the scoop of a big story.
She pulled her hands from his slowly and shook her head in despair. ‘It doesn’t mean we can raise a child together, Nikos. Money isn’t everything.’
* * *
Fury seeped through Nikos’s veins like poison, mixing with memories of the day his mother had walked away and left him. Serena’s words, although calmly said, screamed inside his head. What was she saying? What plans had she been making for their child whilst he’d been living in ignorance of its existence?
‘It still sounds very much as if you are considering giving my baby away.’ Incredulity made his tone sharper than a blade.
‘That is absurd.’
She met his accusation head-on, looking determined to do battle and defend herself. And he knew for certain that there could only be one reason. He’d exposed her plans before she’d had a chance to knock him sideways with the idea, but all it had done was make him ever more certain that he would be there for his child—not just now and again, but all the time.
‘You have more than implied it.’
He clenched his hands into tight fists, resisting the need to reach for her, to hold her arms and force her to look him in the eye and tell him the truth.
‘We can’t sort this out now—not when you are jumping to such outrageous conclusions.’
She looked at him tempestuously and her green eyes met his, but his usual accuracy in reading a person had deserted him. He couldn’t see lies or truth, but he did see something else in them. The same fiery passion he’d seen three months ago—which had been his undoing.
He stepped closer to her...so close he could smell the sweetness of her perfume. He battled with his memories of their time together as the scent of summer flowers invaded his senses, light and floral, evoking more memories he’d do better to bury. But he couldn’t. This woman, the only one who’d made him want more than a brief affair, was in reality no better than his mother. Worse, in fact. She wanted to abandon her child, and she expected him to do the same.
‘Nikos, we have to be practical. The baby will grow up in England—with me.’
Never. The word resounded in his head. Never.
He ignored the pleading edge to her voice, wondering if she thought he’d meekly accept that. Would she really be a mother to his child? Or had she planned all along to give her baby away?
His thoughts returned to his mother with unnerving clarity. Had she been being practical when she’d walked away? Had she given her six-year-old son a thought as she’d left, preferring to escape with her lover, to the bright city lights and her modelling career, instead of remaining on the island with the man she’d married?
Nikos tried to push back the demons that had haunted him since that day. The woman who’d given birth to him didn’t know him—just as he didn’t know her. He might have passed her on the streets of Athens, or any other city he’d visited for business, and not known. All he knew was that despite her attempts to contact him since he’d turned sixteen he’d written her out of his life.
He looked at Serena, the woman he might have loved if things had been different—if his past hadn’t convinced him he was incapable of love or being loved.
‘No.’
The word was fired harshly from him like a bullet and, precisely aimed, it found its mark. Serena’s eyes widened in surprise and those long lashes blinked rapidly in confusion. Did she have to be so beautiful? So compelling even in the heat of this war she’d waged?
‘You can’t just say no. We haven’t sorted anything.’
She looked beseechingly up at him, searching his face, and he took a deep breath as memories of kissing those soft lips avalanched over him. Did she know the effect she was having on him? Did she realise that right at this moment he couldn’t think past what they’d had, those passionate moments they’d shared in the summer?
The waves rushed to the shore with a normality that stunned him. Apparently they were not aware of the horrendous situation unfolding on the sand. The lights of the small town glowed like stars around them and he found his past colliding with the present, becoming inseparable.
‘How can I trust you not to abandon my child to your sister after what you said?’
His voice was an angry growl, and he fought hard against the rage of emotions that forged through him. All his life he’d carried the hurt of total rejection by the one woman who should have loved him unconditionally.
‘I’m not abandoning my child to anyone—not even to you.’
For a moment he thought he saw pain flash in her eyes, thought he saw the agony of it on her face, but it was gone in an instant. Hard lines of determination replaced it.
‘Telling me we can’t raise this child together after saying your sister is desperate for a baby sounds very much like you are planning just that.’
He moved back from her, not trusting the rage that had become like the rush of a river in flood. All the childhood doubts he’d successfully locked away were now out and running riot.
‘How can you even think of doing such a thing?’
‘How can you even think that?’ She gasped out the pained words. ‘I want this child. I want to give it everything I possibly can.’
The conviction in her voice struck a raw nerve. ‘As do I.’
‘Can you really give our child all it needs when you admit you don’t want to be a father?’
She moved towards him, her hand momentarily reaching out to him, but he flinched from her touch, his raw emotions making coherent thought difficult.
How could she doubt he would give his child all it needed? The idea of being a father was one that he had always savagely dismissed because it would entail marriage—something he’d proved he’d be unable to commit to—but now he was presented with the reality he knew exactly what he wanted.
‘A child needs love.’
Vehemently the words rushed from him, and he was annoyed at her ability to take away his composure, his control. He knew more than most that a child needed love. It was all he’d craved as a young boy. But could he be a father? Could he love his child? His father hadn’t been able to and his mother never had. She’d admitted that as she’d left. How could he be any different from them?
Serena laughed—a soft, nervous laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. He bit down hard, clenching his teeth, trying to stop harsh words rushing out.
‘Can you really do that, Nikos?’
His silence seemed to answer her question and she ploughed on with her own arguments for being a single parent.
‘Can you love a child you don’t want?’
‘Do not question my ability to be a father,’ he growled, hardly able to contain his anger.
‘A child needs stability, a loving home. It doesn’t matter if it’s with one parent or two, so long as it has all it needs.’
Strength sounded in her voice and her face was full of determination as she looked into his eyes, challenging him with everything she had.
‘I’ve already made it clear that is not a problem.’ He knew his voice had turned to a low growl, full of anger, but her constant referral to his inability to provide for his child was more than he could take.
‘It’s your deceit, Nikos, that has made me think you can’t.’ Her face was stern as she looked at him. ‘Your lies haven’t changed anything just as your real identity hasn’t. I will not allow my baby to become a possession to be bargained over. Least of all by you.’