A Forever Christmas

“You know, son, it’s past time to move on and start dating. Molly Patton seems to be interested, and those boys need a mother.”

“Dad…”

He waved and headed toward his room. “Think about it.”

Gregory slipped into his old bedroom and found Hunter and Chase huddled in the bed, Hunter on his side in the fetal position, Chase plastered up against Hunter’s back as if he’d snuggled there for comfort.

That certainly didn’t help with the guilt.

He picked up Chase, then nudged Hunter awake. Hunter usually complied, then didn’t even remember it in the morning. But this time he seemed more alert as he followed Gregory down the hallway.

“Where have you been, Daddy?” Daddy. He never called Gregory that unless he was upset or scared.

“I had a late meeting.”

“But I don’t want to have to wake up and move to my bed,” he whined.

He wished the boys could be at home every night. But he hated to ask his dad to come there. He was already imposing by asking him to babysit so often. “I’ll see what I can work out with Granddad.”

When they got to their house, a shivering Hunter threw off his jacket and fell into bed. He started to doze almost immediately. Chase cried when Gregory laid him down in his own twin bed, so he took him and put him in Hunter’s bed, where he slept every night, anyway. Then Gregory watched as the two settled in.

Keeping up this kind of pace wasn’t easy. He was worn out after twelve hours on the job. But it would be worth it to see the look on the boys’ faces on Christmas morning when they discovered the new game system, then looked outside and saw the huge trampoline—the exact one they’d circled in the toy store wish book.

He’d make it up to them by providing his sons with the best Christmas ever.

The next day, Sarah’s father left early for the office, and her mother tried to persuade her to attend a luncheon at the country club with her. Sarah had no desire to go, smile and make small talk with a group of her mother’s friends, so she declined. Instead, she ate a quiet lunch alone in the echoingly empty house. She didn’t so much mind being alone. But she had to battle her thoughts. About Peter. About his parents and their regret.

About Gregory…and Delia.

Delia had been two years older than Sarah, more mature, more experienced. Her father had been in the same firm as Sarah’s dad, so they’d grown up together at parties and social functions. They’d even spent the night at each other’s houses a few times.

And Delia had always had a thing for Gregory. She said she liked to go after guys who drove her dad crazy. Guys who presented a challenge.

Gregory had told Sarah he loved her. But apparently, love hadn’t been enough. Because when she’d broken off the relationship and asked him to wait until she graduated and finished college, he’d ignored her plea and moved on. Then within a few short weeks, he’d been dating her supposed friend—seriously.

Very seriously.

Seriously enough that he and Delia were forced to get married right after they graduated, because she was pregnant.

Recalling it made Sarah sick. Still to this day.

And then when Gregory and Delia lost that baby, Sarah wondered if she’d lied about the pregnancy to trap him. But somewhere through the years, Sarah concluded the suspicion had been a way to try to ease the sting of rejection. She’d asked him to wait for her, but he’d chosen Delia, plain and simple.

Not pleasant memories, so she puttered around the house trying to forget, wondering how she was going to fill her day.

The phone rang. “Hello?”

“Well, it’s official. I’m stuck on the couch until this baby gets here,” said Donna Rae.

“Is everything okay otherwise?”

“Yes, so far. But I promised the doc I would be good. Vinny’s trying to farm out the younger kids for me during the day.”

“Let me know if I can help.”

“Well, you can. I was supposed to go to a meeting at the church tonight as director of the play. Seven o’clock. Can you go and be me?”

“Of course. What do I need to do?”

“Just tell them about our progress. Let them know if there’s anything you need for the lighting and sound. And give them a copy of the rehearsal schedule so they’ll know when you’ll be at the church.”

“You’ve got it.” She’d have to sit down and come up with a plan. “Maybe I can go over early to look at what’s available for sets.”

“They’re in the basement storage closet. The custodian will help with setting up the stage area. Oh, and call Gregory if you need anything made. He’s pretty handy with tools.”

Her heart fluttered. “Okay.”

“Thanks a million. I really owe you.”

As soon as they hung up, Sarah grabbed a notebook and her copy of the script. Maybe she could put some sort of new twist on the play this year. For variety.

The one thing she wasn’t going to do, though, was ask Gregory to build any props.

That evening, Gregory whipped into the church parking lot and nabbed the closest spot to the back door. “Come on, boys. Hop out. I’m late for the meeting.”

“Do we have to come?” Hunter asked.

“Yes, you do. I’m sorry, but Granddad is on this committee, too.”

“I’m hungwy,” Chase said in a pitiful little voice.

They’d come straight from the day care center where Chase spent each day and Hunter went after school. Why hadn’t Gregory thought to bring a snack? His sister would have. “Hang in there, guys. We’re going to eat dinner as soon as we finish.”

Work boots and two pairs of tennis shoes clomped and squeaked down the long hallway. When they reached the door, he held his finger in front of his mouth to quiet them. Then he stuck his head in the door to see how badly they were interrupting.

Sarah—handing out papers?

“Come on in, Gregory,” Pastor Eddie said. “Sarah was just telling us about the Christmas pageant.”

She stood motionless as if shocked to see him, then all of a sudden jerked into motion and continued distributing papers.

He walked in with Hunter and Chase in tow. “I’m sorry I didn’t think to get a babysitter.”

“It’s okay. Come on in, boys,” Pastor Eddie said. “There’s a box of crayons and some paper over there on that table.”

Gregory smiled his thanks. And thanked God for crayons.

He ducked into a chair as he watched the boys get settled across the room. Sarah started to place a sheet of paper on the table in front of him, but it slipped off, and they both reached for it. Their hands touched, and it was like a shockwave streaked from his hand to his heart.

She looked into his eyes for a split second and appeared alarmed. “Oops. I’m sorry,” she said as she handed him the paper and moved on.

She was still in his space, though. Smelling as good as she always had. In fact, she might wear the exact same perfume she did in high school. Clean, fresh…classy.

His mind made a lightning flash trip back to high school. Sarah in his arms…Sarah in his car, scooted up beside him…

Sarah dumping him.

Yeah, that was the sticking point. She’d said she wanted to break up because he didn’t understand her goals. But he knew the real reason was because she’d let her parents get to her. And that because he wanted to stay in Magnolia and start his own business, he wasn’t good enough for her.

She continued with her presentation about the pageant. But he barely heard a word until she moved away from him.

Once she reached the other side of the room, he came back to his senses and noticed her smile at his sons.

Hunter dropped a crayon.

Sarah picked it up without missing a beat. Just kept talking about sets and lights. Like any good kindergarten teacher could do.

“Miss Sawah, I’m hungwy,” Chase said as he continued to scribble on the page, forgetting where he was and seeming to think he was in her classroom.

She looked over at Gregory, expecting him to produce a snack.

“I’m sorry, son. We’ll get you something as soon as we’re through.”

Sarah quickly finished up and asked for any questions.

“We really appreciate you taking over for Donna Rae,” Pastor Eddie said. “Especially during your vacation.”

“I’m sure I’ll enjoy working with the children.”

“Well, let’s move on to the next item on our agenda. Sarah, there’s no need to keep you. You’re free to go.”

Hunter raised his hand like he would do at school. “Can I leave, too?”

All the adults around the table chuckled.

Gregory’s dad raised his brows and looked a little concerned that the boys were starting to get vocal. Not a good sign.

“Maybe I should go,” Gregory said.

“No, stay,” Sarah said. “I don’t mind taking them to the kitchen and seeing if we can find a snack.”

Before he could say no thanks, Pastor Eddie said, “That’s a nice offer. We won’t be much longer. And I’m sure it would help Gregory.”

He didn’t want to look at her. He nodded his gratitude as he wondered what she thought of him bringing children to a meeting with empty stomachs.

She gathered a bundle of crayons and stack of paper and placed them in her leather bag. Then she reached out a hand for each of the boys. Chase hurried to take her up on the offer. He grabbed her hand and grinned up at her. It hurt Gregory to see his eagerness.

Hunter, on the other hand, didn’t get up. He heaved a sigh and looked at Gregory as if he’d let him down once again. Gregory nodded his head toward Sarah, so Hunter followed her obediently. But he rejected her hand and shoved his into his pockets. Chase’s chatter faded as they squeaked down the hallway toward the church kitchen.

Assuming the boys already had dinner, Sarah searched through the cabinets until she found two unopened boxes of cookies. “Chocolate chip or oatmeal and raisin?”

“Chocolate chip!” Chase answered as he danced around the kitchen, hopping from one foot to the other.

Hunter, who’d been dragging along behind her, seemed to perk up. “Cool. We get cookies for dinner?”

Dinner? “You haven’t eaten yet?”

“No. Dad was late picking us up again.” He sighed, and it occurred to her that he seemed to sigh a lot more than a typical child.

She couldn’t help wondering what was going on. Could it all stem from Lindsay’s absence?

She pointed to a table in the fellowship hall. “Come on. Cookies will be your appetizer tonight. And if your dad doesn’t like it, we’ll tell him it was my fault.”

Chase giggled.

Hunter looked at her as if he didn’t know what to make of her.

She settled them at the table and gave them each two cookies. Enough to hold them over, but hopefully not enough to spoil their appetites. She couldn’t find any drinks other than expired juice, so she got them each a cup of water.

How could Gregory not plan better? They wouldn’t get dinner until after eight o’clock.

Once they’d started on their second cookies, she sat beside Chase. “So, Hunter, are you in kindergarten?”

He nodded.

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Chase, where do you go while your daddy works?”

“Day care,” he said, blowing crumbs out of his mouth. “And Hunter comes, too.”

“After school,” big brother added.

“I see.” She watched as they finished eating. Then the silence became awkward. For her, anyway. “Guess what my job is.”

Hunter shrugged.

“Ummm…teacher!” Chase hollered.

“How did you guess?”

He climbed into her lap and knelt so that he was face-to-face with her. “Because you’re nice like my teacher.”

Sarah’s bruised heart gave a quick stutter. Then she couldn’t help brushing a piece of cookie off his cheek. “You’re absolutely right.” She looked around Chase to catch Hunter’s eye. “I teach kindergarten.”

“Cool,” he said without much enthusiasm. “When will Dad be here?”

Her heart sank. For some reason, she wanted badly to connect with him. “Well, I don’t know. Soon, I’m sure.”

Chase settled into a sitting position in her lap. His carrot-colored curls brushed her chin, tickling, so she smoothed his hair.

“Here, I brought the crayons.” She pulled the supplies out of her bag and divided them between the boys.

Chase jumped right in and started to color. Hunter simply stared toward the door, waiting.

A few minutes later, voices sounded in the distance making her stomach do a dance of nerves. She glanced at Hunter, and it seemed he’d heard too. He sat up straighter. Watching.

A moment later, Gregory filled the doorway. His gaze zoomed straight to hers.

“Boys,” he barked. “Time to go.”

Hunter bolted as if his dad’s voice had shot him out of a gun. He hurried over and glued himself to Gregory’s side.

Chase nuzzled closer to Sarah. “Hey, Dad, Miss Sawah gave us cookies!”

“I hope you told her thank you.”

“Thank you,” he said, looking up at her with his gorgeous blue eyes, so much like his dad’s.

“You’re welcome.”

Gregory nudged his oldest son. “Hunter?”

“Thank you for the cookies.”

“You’re welcome.”

Chase still didn’t seem inclined to leave, so she set him on his feet. He turned and gave her a quick hug before running across to join his family.

“I appreciate your help,” Gregory ground out as if every word cost him.

Would they ever be able to get over their past?

She watched as they walked away. Sometimes relationships were too complicated, too painful to move beyond.

Friday was nothing but frustration for Gregory. First, he had to run a new blower out to one crew. No sooner had he gotten the broken one back to the shop, than the other crew called about a broken down trimmer. Then a customer complained, so he had to ride by and check that out, to see what kind of job the guys had done.

Sure enough, they’d forgotten to mulch the back of the bank.

He didn’t want to lose the bank’s account, so he got on the phone to talk to the crew and tell them to go back and finish. Then he followed up by doing a ride through to check all their jobs for the day.

Once everything checked out, he finally had time to hit the two job bids he’d planned to do that afternoon. But he was behind.

He dialed his dad.

“Can you pick up the boys for me? I really can’t be late again this week.”

“Sure. How about we meet you at Minnie’s for dinner?”

“Thanks, Dad. I owe you.”

“You know, I’d be glad to babysit anytime you plan a date.”

“Yeah, yeah. Keep wishing.”

“It’s time.”

He refused to have this conversation again. “See you at Minnie’s,” he said and disconnected the call.

Why wasn’t he ready to date again? Surely he wasn’t normal. Didn’t most men remarry pretty quickly after losing a wife or after divorce? And even though his wife had deserted him, it had been four years. Surely that was long enough to heal and to move on.

But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to take that step.

Maybe it was the pool of eligible women. There wasn’t a soul in town who appealed to him. Although Molly had made it clear she was interested.

She was a gorgeous woman. Sweet. Fun. Talented. Would make a great mom. Why didn’t he jump at the chance?

Sarah’s face flashed through his mind. Just like it always did when he let himself think about women. No one ever seemed to measure up to his high school sweetheart.

No wonder he didn’t want to date again.

Sarah ran a hand over the freshly laundered costumes, stacked and ready to go back to the church. She’d spent the day drawing up a plan for the set. And she’d gone to the church for a lesson on how to operate the sound system. She appreciated the distraction while her mom and dad went about Christmas-as-usual.

As if there could be Christmas-as-usual this year.

Anything joyful or celebratory seemed almost obscene to her. A child had died, and yet the world seemed to go on. She was trying hard not to let her distaste show.

She struggled with the dissonance. She knew she should probably be praying about her grief over Peter, praying for his family, but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

Peter had been her favorite student—a sweet, affectionate, lonely little boy. He depended on her for support while his parents worked all the time, leaving him in the care of a nanny. Sarah had probably been too attached.

Then he’d become sick. And afterward, the cancer diagnosis.

God had ignored her desperate pleas on Peter’s behalf. Why would He listen to her now?

Anger bubbled deep inside, but she tamped it down. Being mad at God was a scary thing. Something she didn’t want to dwell on.

Yes, she should go out to eat. Get out of the house so her mind wouldn’t work overtime.

She called Donna Rae, but they’d already eaten, since little children needed to eat early.

Like Hunter and Chase should have yesterday.

She grabbed her purse and keys. Maybe she’d run to Minnie’s and get some of her famous fried chicken.

She drove into town and lucked into a parking spot on the downtown square, right in front of Minnie’s Meat And Three. She’d loved to hang out here with her friends in high school. To order a good old-fashioned chocolate milkshake and a side of French fries.

Bells jangled as she walked inside, the sound reminding her of better times.

“Well, if it isn’t Miss Sarah Radcliffe,” Minnie said in her deep, raspy voice. Sarah and her friends had always thought she sounded like a frog.

“Hi, Miz Minnie. How are you doing?”

“I’m doing as well as can be expected. Are you eatin’ in tonight?”

“Um…” Should she get it to go? But she’d wanted to get out of the house. For the distraction. But now that she was here, she—

A familiar voice grabbed her attention. A little voice.

She quickly scanned the restaurant in her peripheral vision. Harry, Hunter and Chase sat at a table in the corner. And there was a menu in front of the empty fourth chair. For Gregory?

“It’s to go.”

“Well, whataya have?”

After she placed her order, Minnie said, “A milkshake and fries too?” She gave a rattling laugh, followed by a couple of hacking coughs.

Sarah found herself smiling. “Um, I could go for that milkshake.”

“There’s Miss Sawah,” the little voice called from across the room.

Distraction couldn’t work if the subject of her thoughts sat in front of her. But she walked over to them, hoping she’d get her food and get out of there before Gregory arrived. “Hi, Chase. Hunter.” She nodded at Harry. “Mr. Jones.”

“Hi, Sarah. Care to join us?”

She could see that he didn’t really want her to. And it hurt for some silly reason. But in his mind, she was the bad “guy.”

“Thanks, but I’ve ordered mine to-go.”

It appeared they were nearly finished eating. Maybe Gregory wasn’t joining them, after all.

“I ate four green beans,” Chase said proudly as he held up all five fingers. Then with his other hand, he pushed down his thumb.

“Very impressive. You’re going to be so healthy. Hunter, what about you?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know. I didn’t count.” He finally looked her in the eye. “But I ate some.”

She wanted to cry. To hug him to her. He was so serious for a child. “Good for you.”

“Well, boys, it looks like your dad got tied up and isn’t going to make it,” Harry said. “Why don’t I take you to your house and you can get going on your homework.”

“I have homework, just like Hunter,” Chase bragged.

She gasped. “You do?”

“Yep. I’m a big boy.”

“You sure are.” She patted his back. Then Minnie held up a to-go container. “It looks like my food is ready, so I better run. Hunter, good luck with your homework. I can help if you ever need it.” Now why had she said that?

“Really?”

“Yes, remember? I teach kindergarten.”

“Oh, yeah. Okay.” His eyes brightened in what appeared to be a true flash of interest.

“Thank you for offering,” Harry said.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gave a little wave and went to get her food.

It looked like Gregory was having a hard time leaving work on time that week. First, too late to feed his sons dinner before the meeting. And now, missing dinner all together.

She couldn’t help but wonder if all was well in the Jones household. Didn’t Gregory realize these days when his sons are young were precious and fleeting?

Chapter Three

O n Saturday morning, Sarah quickly finished setting up for rehearsal. And not a minute too soon. Children started arriving early.

Hunter and Chase included. Wow. Gregory’s on the ball today.

But then she looked up and saw Harry walking down the aisle. “Good morning, Sarah.”

“Good morning, Mr. Jones.”

“Gregory’s working right now. But he’s supposed to pick the boys up.”

“Okay.”

“Call if you have any problems or if he doesn’t get here in time,” he said as he waved and walked out the door.

Problems?

Someone tugged on her sweater. “Hi, Miss Sawah.”

“Hi, Chase. How are you?”

“Good. It’s Saturday! Dad is home on Saturdays.”

“No he’s not,” Hunter said sounding as bitter as a little old man. “He’ll have to work.”

Chase’s smile dropped into the most pitiful frown.

“Well, it sounds like today he’ll have the afternoon off,” she said trying to cheer them up even while wondering if she should speak with Gregory.

No, Sarah. Do not get involved with this. She smiled and walked away.

Yes, that was good. Smile and walk away. Her new mantra.

She gathered the children and teen helpers. She even found a couple of parents had stayed to help.

“Okay, boys and girls, let’s all try standing in place where you’ll be at the beginning. I need to make sure you’ll fit on the stage.” Sarah took the list Donna Rae had given her and began to call out names, assigning each a part as a shepherd, Mary, Joseph, animal or angel. She placed the children and hoped they would stand still long enough for her to see the whole group.

“Now, I want my angels to come down to the very front.”

Chase jumped right in front of her and yelled, “I’m an angel!”

He was so precious it made her want to grin every time she looked at him. It seemed like it had been weeks since she smiled a genuine smile. Yet his excitement was contagious. She couldn’t resist—the smile or the warmth that seemed to try to seep into her bones.

Once she had placed all the angels, she said, “Now, I need the speaking shepherd.” She glanced at her chart. “Hunter Jones.”

“I don’t want a talking part,” he said from the perimeter of the group.

To push or not to push? Some children just needed a bit of encouragement. Hunter didn’t have the look of someone seeking that little nudge. “Okay. But could you stand here for me until I can get someone else?”

He nodded and then let her lead him to his spot.

Once she had him all set, she patted his head and thanked him. His hair was like silk. Dark and straight, just like his mother’s. He had her hazel eyes as well.

A pain she’d pushed into submission for so long tried to work its way into her chest, but she wouldn’t let it. How could looking at Hunter, a reminder of Gregory and Delia’s betrayal, possibly hurt her over fifteen years later? She should have been over him years ago.

By the time she finished posing the children and working to teach them several songs, the parents started to arrive. “Children, thank you so much for working so hard today. I’ll see you next time.”

The kids played while waiting for their parents. Of course, Hunter stood off by himself. And she realized she needed to talk to Gregory about encouraging Hunter to keep his speaking role. Maybe if she kept their conversation strictly pageant-related, she could remain objective. Could remain personally uninvolved.