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Sunshine wrinkled up her nose—and Leo had now twigged that this meant she was about to put a new argument, so he held up a ‘stop’ hand.
‘I’ll see you Monday, Sunshine. And in the meantime try and remember that the marriage will have already happened. This is just a celebratory dinner.’
‘But—’
‘Monday.’
She made a muted explosive sound, redolent of frustration. ‘All right! Monday! But I’m staying here for dinner—not running away like a good little girl.’ She tossed her hair again. Flick. Over her shoulder. ‘I have a date.’
Leo kind of liked that huffy hair-flick—it made him feel as if she were the one off kilter for a change.
‘Then I’ll send over a Campari for you while you wait.’ Calm. Reasonable. Charming, even.
‘Lovely, thank you,’ she responded. Calm, reasonable, charming.
‘I won’t be able to come out and speak to Gary tonight, though.’
‘That’s okay—Gary’s not coming.’
Frown. ‘But I thought you said...?’
‘Oh, I see.’ Little laugh. Annoying little laugh. ‘No, tonight I’m having dinner with Ben.’
‘Another investment banker?’
‘No. Ben’s an embalmer.’
Leo did the stare thing again. ‘You’re joking, right?’
‘No.’ Puzzled. Actually, seriously puzzled. ‘Why would that be a joke?’
‘An embalmer? How did you even get to meet an embalmer? Are you making shoes for corpses?’
‘Not that I wouldn’t make shoes for corpses, but no.’ Pause. He saw the tiny swallow. ‘It—it was a subject I needed to—to research. Two years ago. For my...sister.’
‘I didn’t know you had a sister.’ He thought back...something about her eyes? In the womb... Triplets...?
Twins!
Oh. Embalmer. Sister. Her twin sister was dead. And he was such a freaking idiot!
Because—oh, God. no—the face-morph. It was happening again. Emptiness. Ashy skin. Trembling lips. What the hell was that?
‘Sunshine...?’
No response.
‘Sunshine!’
Alarmed.
She shook her head and the look was gone. But her eyes were filling and she was blinking, blinking, blinking, trying to stop the tears falling.
Crap! He reached over to the next table, snagged a napkin, held it out to her with a gruff, ‘Here.’
She took the napkin but just stared at it. Another blink.
He watched, holding his breath... Just one tear, one drop, and he would have to...to... No, he couldn’t...could he? Hovering, hovering... His heart was starting to pound...
And then she took a long, slow breath and the tears receded.
Leo took his own long, slow breath, feeling as though disaster had just been averted, and slid into the chair beside her.
‘Sorry,’ Sunshine said. ‘My sister died two years ago. The anniversary is coming up so I’m feeling kind of...emotional about it. I should be over it by now, but every now and then...’ That tiny head-shake, then she looked at Leo and smiled. ‘Anyway, let’s get back to—’
‘What was her name? Your sister?’ Leo asked, because he was not getting back to anything quite that easily.
Sunshine paused, but only for a few seconds—and her smile didn’t waver at all. ‘Are you ready for this, Leo? It’s not for the fainthearted.’
Leo didn’t know if he was ready, not ready, or why he had to be ready.
In fact he didn’t know squat.
He didn’t know why he hadn’t let her change the subject as she’d clearly wanted to do. Why her unwavering smile was bothering him. Why he wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her until she let those jammed-up tears fall.
He didn’t know a damned thing—least of all why he should be interested in Sunshine Smart’s dead sister.
But he said, ‘Worse than Sunshine?’
‘Ouch! But, yes—at least Moonbeam thought so.’
‘Moonbeam?’ He winced. ‘Seriously? I mean...seriously?’
Little gurgle of laughter. ‘Yep.’
‘Good God. Moonbeam. And Sunshine.’
She was playing with the hem on the napkin he’d given her, picking at it with her fingernails.
‘So what happened?’ Leo asked.
She looked down at the napkin. Pick, pick. ‘Hippie parents.’
‘No, I mean what hap—?’
‘Oh, dear, I’ve snagged the hem,’ Sunshine said, and put the napkin on the table. ‘Sorry, Leo.’
‘I don’t care about the napkin, Sunshine.’
‘Actually, table napkins have an interesting history. Did you know that they started out as lumps of dough, rolled and kneaded at the table? Which led, in turn, to using sliced bread to wipe your hands.’
What the hell? ‘Er—no, I didn’t know that.’ Thrown. Completely thrown.
Extra-bright smile. ‘But you were asking about Moonbeam. Actually, it’s because of her that I’m sitting here with you. She and Jonathan dated as teenagers.’
He was staring again—couldn’t help it. ‘No way!’
‘Yes way! But Moon realised pretty quickly that she’d need to swap an X for a Y chromosome if their relationship was going to get to the next level, even though Jon adored her. So—long story short—she encouraged Jon to leap out of the closet, with me hooked in for moral support, and the three of us became super-close—like a ménage à trois minus the sex. And voilà—here I am, planning Jon’s wedding to your brother.’ Her brilliant smile slipped. ‘One of the reasons I miss Jon so much is because he’s a link to my sister.’
Jon dating a girl. Ménage à trois minus the sex. Bread as table napkins? Leo didn’t know what to say.
‘Anyway,’ she went on, ‘I don’t have to explain that to you. I know you miss your brother too.’
‘It can’t compare.’
‘Yeah, I guess...I guess you can jump on a plane if you need to see Caleb.’
‘That’s more likely to happen in reverse.’
‘You mean him jumping on a plane? Oh, no, I see—him needing to see you.’ She looked him over. ‘I get that. You’re the dominant one, you’re the one doling out the goods, and you don’t need to see anyone.’
The perceptiveness startled him.
‘So no emotional combustions! It’s a good way to be,’ she went on. ‘In fact my approach to relationships is based on achieving a similar core of aloofness, of control. Of mastery over my emotions.’
He was a little awed. ‘Your approach to relationships?’
‘Yes. Separating sex from love, for example—you know, like that ménage à trois with me, Jon, and Moon. You have to agree that it makes life easier.’
‘Easier, maybe. Not better.’
‘Of course it’s easiest to leave the love out altogether. That’s what I do now.’
‘What? Why?’
She tapped her chest lightly, over her heart. ‘No room in here.’
‘You’re not that type of person.’
‘Well, I do have to work hard at it,’ she conceded.
‘What? Why?’ God, he was repeating himself!
‘Because my natural inclination is to care too much about people. I have to take precautions to guard against that.’
‘What? Why?’ Nope—he was not doing another repeat! ‘I mean, what are you scared of?’
‘Pain,’ she said simply. ‘Because it hurts. To care deeply. It hurts.’
Leo wanted to tell her the whole argument was ridiculous, but the words wouldn’t come. What did he know? He was living proof that sex was usually loveless, no matter how much you wished otherwise.
At least Sunshine could actually touch a person without having a panic attack, so she was way ahead of him. For sure Gary and Ben wouldn’t have let Sunshine have those mini-meltdowns and sat there like blockheads, handing her restaurant napkins. How was he supposed to find what Caleb had when he couldn’t put his arms around a tearful woman? Did he even deserve to, stunted as he was?
‘But we were talking about embalming,’ Sunshine said, and she was twinkling again. ‘Which is much more interesting. A very technical and responsible job. And it does make you think, doesn’t it?’
Leo, reeling from the various changes in conversation he’d been subjected to for the past few minutes—shoes, pumpkins, napkins, sex, love, embalming, napkins—could only repeat stupidly, ‘Think...?’
‘Well, cremation or burial? It’s something we all need to plan for. If you’re interested—as you should be, if you ride a motorbike—I’m sure Ben would be happy to—’
‘Er, no—that’s fine, thanks.’ Leo got to his feet with alacrity. ‘I’ll send over that drink.’
* * *
Halfway through the night, Leo poked his head out of the kitchen. Ostensibly to gauge how the place was humming along, but really—he was honest enough to admit it—to check out Sunshine’s date.
And Ben the embalmer was handsome enough to give Alexander Skarsgard a run for his money. Like a freaking Viking!
They’d ordered the roast leg of lamb—a sharing dish that came with crispy roast potatoes, crusty bread rolls and assorted side dishes and condiments. Enough food to feed the entire cast of The Hobbit, including the trolls.
Twice more Leo peered out at them. Both times Ben was laughing and Sunshine was about to shove a laden fork in her mouth. Leo was starting to think Sunshine could single-handedly have eating classified as a championship sport.
Since he thought dining with a woman who actually ate would make a nice change, he didn’t know why the sight of Sunshine chomping up a storm with Ben was so annoying.
But it was. Very, very annoying.
Another laugh floated through the restaurant and into his straining ears.
Right! He ripped off his apron. He was going to find out what the hell was so funny.
He washed his hands, changed into a clean chef’s jacket and headed out.
Sunshine looked up, startled. ‘Leo! This is a surprise.’
She quickly performed introductions as one of the waiting staff rushed to find a spare chair for Leo, who was examining the almost demolished lamb leg.
Leo raised his eyebrows. ‘Didn’t like it, huh?’ he said, settling into the quickly produced chair.
Sunshine groaned. ‘Not funny. I’ll have to start dieting tomorrow.’
‘That will be a one-day wonder,’ Ben said, and winked at Sunshine.
Winked! Who the hell winked at people?
Sunshine laughed. ‘Or you could kiss me instead, Ben, because—interestingly—kissing burns six and half calories per minute. As long as it’s passionate.’ She pursed her lips. ‘I guess passion supersizes the metabolic effect.’
Ben, in the process of sipping his wine, choked. ‘Where do you get all these facts?’
‘The internet.’
Ben grinned. ‘Better brush up on your arithmetic, Sunny, because if I kiss you for, say, fifteen minutes—and any longer is just asking for chapped lips—it’s going to net you a hundred calories max. Basically, we’ll burn off two thirds of a bread roll.’
‘Are you talking yourself out of a kiss?’ Sunshine asked.
She was doing the eyelash-bat thing, and Leo decided it made her look like a vacuous twit. He only just stopped himself from telling her so.
Ben smiled at Sunshine. A very intimate smile, by Leo’s reckoning. ‘You know I’m up for it,’ he said. ‘But we’re going to have to make it a marathon and buy a truckload of lip balm if you keep that up.’ He nodded at her fingers, which were hovering over the food.
Sunshine snatched up a small piece of crispy potato and popped it into her mouth. ‘It’s a vegetable,’ she said. ‘Doesn’t count.’
‘Oh, that’s a vegetable!’ Ben laughed. ‘And you’re a nut, Sunshine.’
Sunshine smiled serenely. ‘If that’s the analogy we’re going with, you’re a piece of meat.’
Ben gave her a faux mournful look. ‘Oh, I know I’m just a piece of meat to you. We all are.’
A phone trilled.
‘Mine,’ Ben said, reaching into his shirt pocket. He checked the caller ID. ‘Sorry, I have to take this.’
‘All?’ Leo asked as Ben left the table.
Sunshine laughed. ‘Just a “poor me” thing with my exes. They get a bit club-like.’
‘What? There’s like a legion of them?’
Another laugh. ‘Not quite.’
Leo leant forward, fixed her with a steady gaze. ‘Are you sleeping with both of them? Gary and Ben?’
She stopped laughing. ‘And you’re interested because...?’
‘Just wondering where everyone fits in relation to that guff about sex and love you were spouting earlier and the whole pieces of meat thing.’
‘It’s not guff.’
‘Total guff.’
She considered him for a moment. ‘Well—I’ve never been in love, but I have had sex. And I’ll bet you’ve had enough sex to write Fifty Shades of Leo—but no wife. No steady girlfriend, even, right? No...love...perhaps?’
He felt his jaw clamp. God, he’d love to show her fifty shades of Leo. She wouldn’t be looking at him in that curious bird way at the end. ‘That’s not the point,’ he ground out.
‘That’s exactly the point. What’s wrong, Leo? Not enough room in there?’ She leant over and tapped her fingers on his chest, right over his heart. Into his heart, it felt like. ‘I don’t think you should be lecturing me just because I have sex without love the same as you do.’
‘You’re supposed to want them both.’
She tossed her head. ‘Well, I don’t. I won’t. Ever. And glowering at me isn’t going to change that.’
‘I’m not glowering. I don’t glower.’
‘Oh, you so do. It’s kind of cute.’
‘I’m not cute.’
‘Sure you are—in that I’m-a-typical-male-hypocrite kind of way.’
‘I’m not a hypocrite either.’
‘Go and get yourself nicely monogamised and I’ll believe you.’
‘Monogamised isn’t a real word.’
That twitch at the side of her mouth.
Leo felt his temper surge. ‘And I am monogamous.’
‘Yeah—but one-after-the-other monogamy doesn’t count if there’s a hundred in the pipeline.’
He wanted to haul her out of her chair and... And what?
And nothing, that was what. Nothing.
‘Ben’s coming back so I’ll leave you to it,’ he said. ‘I’ve got some dessert coming out for you.’
She bit her bottom lip. ‘Oh, dear—I really will need to start a diet tomorrow.’
Leo got to his feet. ‘Just get Ben to kiss you twice.’
Sunshine grabbed his hand to keep him where he was.
His fingers curled around hers before he could stop them—and then his fingers stiffened. He pulled his hand free, flexed his fingers.
Sunshine’s eyes flickered from his hand to his face. There was doubt in her eyes. And concern. And a tenderness that enraged him. He didn’t need it. Didn’t need Sunshine-bloody-Smart messing with his head or his goddamned hand.
‘Why are you upset with me, Leo?’ she asked softly.
He was unbearably conscious of the scent of her. Jonquils. A woman who’d just stuffed herself silly with meat shouldn’t smell like flowers, so why did she?
‘I’m not upset with you,’ he said flatly. Liar. ‘I’ll email you a map for Monday.’
He strode back to the kitchen, furious with himself because he was upset with her.
But that was the ‘what’ of the equation. What he couldn’t work out was the ‘why’.
What? Why?
Oh, for God’s sake!
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