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Maggie squeezed her eyes shut against the burn of tears as he crossed the porch and closed the door behind him with a slight bang. She dropped her head to her knees as the tears made hot tracks down her cold cheeks.
Her family wants nothing to do with me.
Her stomach rolled, both at the words and the pain behind them. What a horrible situation for all of them. Her heart ached.
A terrible thought hit her. He wanted nothing to do with Lucy’s family. If he found out she was technically family...
He’d fire her and she’d lose her only connection to Cody and Lucy.
She sucked in a breath, the chilly air burning her lungs, and swiped at her wet cheeks. Her secret, and the choice she’d made to keep it, weighed on her more than ever. She’d made a hell of a mess of her good intentions.
Where did she go from here?
* * *
Josh avoided Maggie as much as possible over the next few days, given they lived in the same house. That she cared for his son. That they ate meals together. It made things a little tricky but it was better than examining why he’d felt compelled to try and explain the whole Lucy thing.
How I failed her. Though he figured he’d made that pretty clear.
On the other hand, hadn’t he intended to make clear why he was off-limits? Not that she’d pushed anything. He seemed to be the one struggling with this attraction thing. It had been a stupid lapse on his part.
“You and Cody still on for tonight?” Marta’s voice shattered his thoughts.
“Yeah. Cody can’t wait to spend the night. He’s talked about it all week.” Normally, Josh looked forward to the poker game he played with Travis and a couple of their buddies once a month. Cody stayed at Trav’s house with Marta and their son JT. Tonight he anticipated it for a completely different reason—it’d be legitimate time away from Maggie and her big blue eyes and all the temptations he’d shut himself off from. Things he hadn’t even known he’d missed, that really he’d never had with Lucy. He didn’t want to look at Maggie and see possibilities. It was too hard.
“So has JT.” Marta studied him, then seemed to rethink whatever she’d been about to say. Instead, she swung her bag on her shoulder. “We’ll see you in an hour or so.”
“Yep. See you then.”
Marta left and Josh pulled his stethoscope from around his neck and tossed it on his desk. He’d lock up, then stop on the way home for a six-pack. Maggie would have dinner ready and then he’d take his son and escape his own house.
* * *
Cody chattered nonstop the whole way to Marta and Travis’s house. Nothing out of the ordinary there. He enjoyed listening to the little guy talk. Josh turned into the driveway and Cody leaned over to peer out his window.
“I see him! I see JT!” he cried, and Josh laughed.
“I see him, too,” he said, waving at the little boy in the picture window. “Let’s get you inside.”
November had ushered in much colder, rainier weather and tonight was no exception. A few hard pellets of snow fell with the rain, tossed around by the brisk breeze. Josh opened Cody’s door, grabbed his son’s backpack and hurried behind him to the house. Marta had the door open before they even got on the porch. She closed it behind them as Cody and JT greeted each other with much excitement, then Cody shouldered his backpack and started to follow his friend.
“Hang on, Code.” Josh caught his son by the pack’s strap. “Give me a hug. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
Cody hugged him hard and Josh inhaled the sweet scent of his son. “Okay, Daddy. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” Josh ruffled Cody’s curls affectionately and watched as his boy hurried after JT. Josh turned to Marta, who looked at him with amusement. “What?”
“You’re such a good dad,” she said.
He arched his brow, feigning hurt. “What? That’s a surprise?”
She laughed. “Of course not. Not to me, anyway.”
Josh frowned, serious now. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you seem to think sometimes you aren’t. You’re too busy, he has a nanny, whatever. But the time you do spend with him, you make really count.” She punched him lightly on the arm. “Just an observation. Trav is in the garage. Don’t worry about Cody. He’ll be fine.”
“I know he will. Thanks, Marta.” Josh walked through the house to the back door. He could hear JT and Cody laughing and the sound made him smile as he left the house and jogged around to the garage. He wasn’t completely sure he believed Marta as far as being a good dad went. After all, Cody didn’t have a mom anymore—but he did try to be as present as possible for his son. When he wasn’t half-tangled in knots over the nanny, of course.
He wasn’t going any further down that road.
Travis glanced up as Josh entered the garage. “Give me a sec, then we’ll go.”
“No problem. We’ve got time.”
He waited while Trav finished up. Always, his friend tinkered with engines. This time, he had the hood up on his wife’s car. That same dedication made him an excellent mechanic and his garage so successful.
Trav dropped the hood with a thunk and washed up at the sink in the corner of the heated garage, then grabbed his jacket off the hood of his truck. “Ready to play?”
“I am,” Josh agreed.
“Where’s the nanny?”
“She has the night off.” Josh hoped Trav would leave it at that. Both men got in the SUV and Josh turned the engine over.
A pause. “So if she’s got the night off, why are you hanging with us?”
“It’s game night,” Josh said. He tried not to think of the awkward dinner they’d endured. While polite, she’d said as little as possible to him. Both of them had focused on Cody. When he’d left the house, she’d given Cody a hug.
He got a polite nod and she wished him luck.
“Let me get this straight,” Travis said as if Josh was somehow incapable of grasping the obvious. “You’ve got a gorgeous single woman under your roof and a place for Cody to go for the night. And you are going to hang out with the guys.” He shook his head.
Without thinking, Josh said, “How do you know she’s single and gorgeous? Where did you see her?”
Trav sent him a “gotcha” grin. “I didn’t know. Until now.”
Caught, Josh bristled. “It’s not like that. You of all people know why I’m not going there. On top of that, Maggie works for me. She’s great with Cody. I’m not going to screw that up.” Any more than he already had.
Trav sighed. “I know, man. I know. I just wish...” He trailed off.
“What?”
His friend took a minute before answering. “That you’d give yourself a chance. Or, I guess, let yourself have a chance. If it’s not Maggie, fine. But what happens when you meet someone and you want to pursue it?”
Josh’s insides twisted. “I won’t.” He sounded more resolute than he felt.
Travis was silent for a long moment, then said, “Have it your way.”
Josh didn’t answer. A hollow feeling filled his chest. For the first time he wondered if keeping his promise to Lucy was possible. Could he continue to put aside his needs, his life, as penance for the loss of hers? He’d been so careful for the past three years to avoid any kind of possible romantic entanglement. It hadn’t been difficult. Now he had a potential one living under his roof.
He tried to call up Lucy’s face, but her dark hair and blue eyes morphed into Maggie’s. He stifled a groan as he turned into the driveway of their buddy’s house. He needed to focus on what was really important here, which was Cody and his well-being. Trav was wrong. He wouldn’t be pursuing anyone. Cody needed him. All of him.
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