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At that point, a nurse asked me to take home Gerd’s golden necklace with the Jesus pendant which I had placed over his bed earlier. But I wanted to leave it right there since Gerd had worn it around his neck for years. He had bought it in Mexico a long time ago and never taken it off since. Two weeks later, the chain had disappeared and no one knew where it had gone. May it bring its new owner luck and protection!
Justin hadn’t visited his father at intensive care yet. He had fought so desperately to keep him alive during the heart attack, but still wasn’t able to face his father’s lifeless body in the hospital. Every night, Justin lay awake in bed and barely talked during the day. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw his father’s face in pain, fighting with death, and therefore he couldn’t get any sleep.
To improve the situation for everybody, I decided to get in touch with my daughter, Daniela, who was still in Chicago and asked her to fly home as soon as possible to join her brother visiting their father. That was the only chance I saw to bring Gerd back.
But first, Justin urgently needed help. He couldn’t handle the situation alone. He had already had too many sleepless nights. We made an appointment with Mrs. Sigler who worked as a shaman and had helped me personally deal with a life crisis before.
On a soul journey, she was able to discover that Justin’s personal spirit animal was a giant bear. Because of the shock he had experienced, some fear had settled in his head, which immediately dissolved when his spirit animal made itself known. Inner strength and self-confidence could once again blossom. The Archangel Raphael gave him Aesculapius’s staff and Justin would have to decide for himself whether to accept it or not. Being a helper and healer was his destiny.
On October 31, Daniela returned from Chicago and, as planned, the siblings visited their father in the intensive care unit for the first time. I waited outside. The three of them had such a special connection which I didn’t want to disturb because I knew if anyone at all could move Gerd to come back, it was his children.
Unfortunately, the desired success didn’t happen right away. After a few initial hesitations, the two of them spoke to their father as though he were awake. They told him of the past few days, how much he had scared them, how furious Daniela was that he hadn’t listened to her and consulted a doctor while there was still time to take action, and anything else they could think of at the moment. But Gerd didn’t wake up and didn’t give any other indication he even recognized his children were there with him.
Fourteen days after the heart attack, I was called into the doctor’s office. They had to cease artificial respiration, they explained, because if the tube remained in his throat for too long, his vocal cords would be likely to suffer permanent damage. And what would happen if the breathing tube was removed and Gerd would fail to breathe on his own? Should doctors perform a tracheotomy in a worst-case scenario?
Since Gerd had never filed a living will, I had to see a notary to obtain a legal permit from the authorities to make decisions on Gerd’s behalf.
Due to the life and death situation, the notary offered me an appointment the very next day and after a long conversation, issued the necessary paperwork which temporarily authorized me to order life support measures for my husband.
That same day, Gerd’s oxygen tube was removed and artificial respiration was stopped. I stood, spellbound, next to his bed and watched the procedure. Everything went well and Gerd was able to breathe on his own! Thank God! A first essential step toward returning to life had been taken.
From then on, Gerd was able to make loud noises, but they sounded more like a threatened wild animal than a human being. In retrospect, I think his consciousness returned successively, but he was completely terrified and distraught, still caught somewhere in between the worlds. The doctors didn’t know how to deal with him either, so whenever he became too anxious “for his own protection”, he was administered a drug that plunged him back into complete darkness. For the very moment, this practice was certainly a relief for everybody, especially for the people around him who were frightened by these primal noises. But not for the long-term, because this forced him to go through this semi-conscious state again and again.
We kept trying to think of ways to encourage Gerd to come back to life.
Meanwhile, we had burned a CD for him with a few songs that might mean something to him. There were songs he had loved to listen to the year before and songs he had sung loudly with his friends at a party at a soccer camp in Croatia. Somehow, we all saw that film scene in our minds when the hero suddenly opens his eyes because he hears a certain melody and the happy ending is in sight. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.
Still, I put the book “Stand up” from Boris Grundl on the shelf next to Gerd’s hospital bed. Only a few months ago, we had attended an inspiring lecture at which Boris Grundl impressively demonstrated how he had found a new and even better life when he became paraplegic, which he had initially felt was the end of the world. If Gerd woke up, he should be immediately reminded of that and realize that people can start over, especially after such a bitter twist of fate.
One day later, I wanted to visit Gerd late in the evening, but was not allowed to see him. He was very restless and was being treated by two nurses. I was asked to be patient and wait outside in the station’s waiting room. Unfortunately, this happened again and again. When Gerd grew restless, he was given another dose of a sedative that put him back into the artificial coma. So we could never tell how much of his unconsciousness was caused by the artificial coma. How strong were his will and power to return to this life? Where did one stop and the other begin? I was told this was best for him because such massive restlessness might additionally harm his psyche and he might injure himself thrashing about in his bed. To avoid injuries, he had been “strapped” to the bed when I came to visit quite often. Seeing him like that just broke my heart.
While I was waiting to be let into Gerd’s room that evening, the head of the clinic was still on his late ward rounds. When he saw me, he sat down with me in silence for a little while and finally told me he had recently lost his best friend to a heart attack. No one had been around to help him, so he had died alone, suddenly and unexpectedly. I could sense how it had emotionally affected the doctor himself when he asked how old Justin was that he had acted so prudently, thus saving his father’s life. It was very lucky for Gerd that he had and, yet, it was a huge strain on Justin to have seen his father fighting for his life. Regardless of how things continued for Gerd, I couldn’t allow Justin to blame himself for not having done enough. In fact, his behavior had far exceeded what was humanly possible!
Despite all this, Gerd’s condition didn’t allow for a prognosis, the doctor said, so we had to be prepared for anything at any time.
Shortly thereafter, the doctor accompanied me to Gerd’s room. “The walk from the entryway to the hospital room is always hard because I never know in what condition I would find my husband in,” I remarked. But today, I could hear Gerd screaming in despair from afar. Although he wouldn’t say any recognizable words, it was clear he was terrified. He thrashed around in bed and made noises that sounded more like an animal than a human. I went straight to him and laid one hand on his forehead and the other on the back of his neck and whispered soothing words in his ear. Gerd quickly grew calm, his heart rate stabilized at a normal level and his body relaxed. The display on the vitals monitor returned to a normal curve. The Jin Shin Jiutsu “emergency current” was working and performed its miracle cure. When I turned around after a few minutes, I realized the head of the clinic was gone. He had watched from the door as Gerd reacted positively to my presence and interpreted this as a sure sign that he recognized me. The doctor then ordered that an early rehabilitation spot for Gerd be rigorously sought. The clinics in the vicinity that came into question were all full, but they eventually found one in the Bavarian Alps.
However, in order to be moved there, Gerd had to be able to be tube-fed which first required an opening which, of course, would place additional, extreme stress on his body.
A few days later, a gastric feeding tube was inserted and Gerd was then immediately transported by ambulance to the neurological intensive care unit in the Bavarian Alps.
November 2011–January 2012 Neurological Clinic, Bavarian Alps
My mother and I drove there directly from home, in our own car, and waited in the hospital ward for Gerd’s arrival, which was delayed for hours. Naturally, I immediately regretted not accompanying him in the ambulance, but how would I have gotten back home later? Unfortunately, my mom never had a driver’s license herself. Due to a rare eye disease in her younger years, she never passed the requested visual test.
I didn’t muster the courage to ask the two paramedics why they had needed so long to get there. Gerd had been transported wearing only a hospital gown and his body was ice cold when he was finally lying in his new bed after a transportation time of more than three hours. Although he still wasn’t completely conscious, he screamed in pain and fear. The situation was gruesome and inhumane for all of us.
At the rehabilitation clinic, he was given his own room with a balcony, but the room wasn’t equipped for intensive care at all. I was very worried about how Gerd could even be monitored and fully cared for here.
But the worst was still before us. After a while, two neurologists appeared and spoke to Gerd with loud voices, “Sorry, Sir, but since you won’t talk to us, we have to annoy you a bit to see if you’re even feeling anything!” and then they took turns pinching Gerd’s shins!
At this point I just wanted to take my husband and flee the hospital right away, but again I didn’t have the courage!
At least, it got better later. The nurses were very friendly and caring, talked to him quietly and made a good impression on me.
Once his room was equipped with a monitor for observing Gerd’s vitals from the nurses’ station, I calmed down. For the first time, Gerd was fed via the new gastric feeding tube. When my mother and I left a few hours later, he was lying peacefully in his new bed.
Later that day, as I lay in bed myself, my thoughts were of course with Gerd. What awaited him at the new clinic? What progress could be expected? How would he fare? Was he being well taken care of? Who was taking care of him when I wasn’t there?
I still had to go to work every day and that meant driving fifteen miles to work and then, in the evening, all the way back to the Bavarian Alps. It was winter time so I had to spend several hours on the road each time and it wouldn’t be possible for me to visit Gerd every day during the week anymore. I poured all of my worries into my evening prayers which, of course, included the best wishes for Gerd’s recovery. This personal conversation with God allowed me to finally find peace and fall sound asleep.
When I awoke the next morning, I naturally wanted to know how Gerd had coped his first night in the new environment, but at the same time, I was afraid to call the clinic and hear the news. I mustered all of my courage and dialed the ward’s number. The response was far too short and matter-of-fact. Gerd had had a very restless night; otherwise, there was nothing to report.
That weekend, I went to the clinic early in the morning and was just about to go into his room, when a nurse pulled me aside. “Don’t be frightened Mrs. Kaehler, there’s news! This morning, when I went into his room to open the curtains, I said, ‘Good morning, Mr. Kaehler!’ like I always do, and was completely dumbfounded when I heard him respond, ‘Good morning!’ Gerd had sat up in bed on his own and responded to her greeting! She was so shocked; she had to sit down on a chair herself. “It was a situation that felt like someone had awakened from the dead!” It was the very first time since his heart attack, nearly four weeks prior, that Gerd had said anything comprehensible; and of all things after the gastric feeding tube procedure and the terrible ambulance transport the day before! That he even found the strength to sit up all by himself, simply was beyond imagination.
Completely overjoyed I hurried into the hospital room, but when I actually saw Gerd sitting up in bed, it hit me like a lightning bolt and I was only able to run out of the room before I fell to my knees in the hall, sobbing. Two nurses were immediately at my side supporting me. They didn’t try to persuade me to go back into the room, but instead understood that this new situation had literally knocked me over!
When I was finally able to approach Gerd, I realized this wasn’t the person I had expected. Outwardly, he looked like Gerd; he even looked fairly good. His facial expression was relaxed, betraying the stress he had endured over the last four weeks. But Gerd reacted like a stranger. His responses were uncertain and reserved.
For sure, he just had to get used to the new surroundings and that would certainly take some time, I tried to convince myself.
But it was far more than that. Gerd had left this world on October 25 and had now returned more or less involuntarily. He looked very distant and didn’t seem happy at all to be conscious again. Bit-by-bit, we learned more about his condition, without really understanding it. It was a good thing that he even recognized me. The doctor later told me there was a very good chance he wouldn’t remember anyone.
Gerd had no recollection of his heart attack at all. When we told him about it, he listened, amazed, and kept saying, “I don’t remember that at all. I just can’t remember.” And not just the day on which he’d had the heart attack; he couldn’t recall several years prior.
When the neurologist asked how old he was, he said he was thirty-five and lived in Tecumseh, Michigan. So he was living in a time when we had immigrated to the USA and our son was born. Apparently, he had particularly fond memories of that time, into which he kept fleeing. Thus, he often spoke to the nurses in English. Usually when he didn’t like something, he preferred to express his displeasure in English.
It was a true miracle he’d had the strength to sit up without help. But yet it was very painful for him to turn over.
Tests were ordered which showed several ribs had been broken during CPR. No one had paid attention to it thus far, so it was very good luck none of his broken ribs had perforated his lung!
Again we realized that Gerd had escaped death more than once, not just during the heart attack, but several times thereafter, for instance, the internal bleeding after the stent operation, the bilateral pneumonia, the high fever, the brain swelling, and now the broken ribs. It became clearer and clearer that there had to be a reason why Gerd was still on this Earth. And now his consciousness was fleeing to a happier time!
That day, Doreen Virtue posted this card online:
“Your card for today is reassuring you that there is a purpose, blessing, and lesson within every experience in your life. The painful experiences have changed your life, and hopefully you have come to terms with lessons and forgiveness, so that you don’t stay stuck in fear or anger. Once we learn the lesson of a repeated situation, we never have to experience that situation again. What have you learned in your life that has helped you to make peace with some of the painful experiences that you’ve gone through? Your past could help someone else who still needs to understand that important life lesson.”
Doreen Virtue
The past few weeks of hope and worry had sapped my energy. While I had tried to obtain the best treatment for Gerd and continued to work full time, my eating and sleeping habits had become rather unhealthy. I was physically drained and exhausted.
Even worse, I had completely neglected Justin. Instead of taking care of him, he supported and kept me stable while, in contrast, he never spoke about his own feelings.
Once again, it was about time to go see my healer. While working with the energies, Mrs. Sigler realized how badly Gerd was doing and how my health had suffered under the whole situation and therefore she advised me to “leave his body to the doctors and live your own life.”
I knew she meant well, but this statement shocked me and I couldn’t accept it at all.
As Justin and I drove home from the clinic on Christmas Eve 2011, we remained both very quiet and spoke very little. We felt very sad because we had to leave Gerd at the hospital and couldn’t celebrate Christmas at home with him. That night, I had to pay special attention to the road. Ice and snow made the ride extremely difficult and tiring. As we drove out of a small forest, Justin suddenly discovered a shiny comet in the night sky! We were excited about this glowing sign of holy night and took comfort and new courage.
In order to gain some distance and think more clearly, I dared flying to the USA the day after Christmas to visit my daughter, Daniela, who was still completing her internship abroad in Chicago. She lived in a small company-paid apartment in Schaumberg, IL, equipped with kitchen, desk, bed and bathroom which was furnished more for practicality than aesthetics. But the queen-sized bed was big enough for both of us.
Daniela also had a company car at her disposal and therefore she was able to pick me up at the airport. While eating a small dinner, I reported on Gerd’s progress in detail before we went to bed early.
In the days that followed, we had breakfast together and when she had to go to work, she would let me out somewhere on her way or I would simply walk over to the mall which stood only a few hundred yards from the apartment complex. It was windy and an icy cold had a grip on the city, so I had to dress warmly every time I left the house to go somewhere. After all, there’s a reason Chicago is called the “Windy City”.
When Daniela’s schedule allowed, we would meet for lunch or, at the latest, for dinner.
So I spent a few wonderful days in Illinois doing various activities and yet I still had sufficient opportunity to relax and get my thoughts in order while I knew Gerd was being well taken care of at the rehabilitation clinic.
My joy was complete when we discovered the “Grand Lux Café” where Gerd and I had eaten years before on the Magnificent Mile on Michigan Avenue! I hadn’t expected the restaurant to even exist anymore, so Daniela and I spontaneously decided to eat there on New Year’s Eve and then go watch the fireworks on the pier. Even though it was too late to make a reservation already, we were lucky and got a lovely table by the window directly overlooking the Magnificent Mile!
As I enjoyed the Christmas lights and watched the people hurrying by outside on the street, a few tears ran down my face because dear Gerd couldn’t be with us this time.
A few days after I returned, a friend of mine told me about Mrs. Heinz who practiced energetic spinal adjustment. I got in touch with the practitioner and explained Gerd’s situation to her. Since he wasn’t in the condition to go see Mrs. Heinz at her office, I was thrilled when she said she would be willing to visit Gerd at the rehabilitation clinic to see if she could help him.
We made an appointment for the following Saturday. I arrived there a few hours prior to the time agreed and was truly astonished when the chief physician personally appeared in Gerd’s room that early in the morning. After all, it was the weekend! Somehow, the professor must have heard about our plans and was curious to see what we were up to do with his patient.
I hoped and prayed he would leave the ward before Mrs. Heinz arrived. Although we certainly weren’t planning anything nefarious, it suddenly felt like a conspiracy.
Somehow, the practitioner managed to spend a few minutes alone with Gerd. When she approached his bed, he had his back turned and his eyes closed. We couldn’t tell if he was asleep or just dozing. Mrs. Heinz stood behind him and held her hands over Gerd’s chest and head without touching him, when Gerd suddenly took a deep breath, exhaled forcefully through his mouth and opened his eyes. I was startled with surprise. But Mrs. Heinz was beaming and said the fact that he reacted so severely to the energy she had given him meant he was starting to heal. We could expect significant progress over the next six months!
After the treatment, Gerd slept deeply for several hours and I was blissful.
“Our intellect can tell us what we should better leave. But our hearts can tell us what we have to do.”
Joseph Joubert
To me, the next logical step was to remove the tube from his stomach and start getting Gerd used to eating and drinking regular food and water. Unfortunately, my opinion led to an argument with the chief physician. From his medical point of view, he found it essential for Gerd to continue artificially feeding because that was the only way to determine how much food and, in particular, fluids, Gerd had consumed every day. I explained to him how Gerd must feel not having had anything to drink for weeks; that the mucus membranes in his mouth and throat were completely dried out. And enjoying a delicious meal had always meant to me an increase in quality in life.
But he was convinced Gerd was doing fine and the chance of choking and causing another lung infection was way too much of a risk!
Since I knew that food and drink had always been one of Gerd’s favorites, I insisted they’d give it a try, and the chief physician supervised personally! He fed Gerd, who was strapped to a wheelchair, a spoonful of yogurt while a nurse and I watched in suspense. Gerd clearly enjoyed the taste and had no problems chewing and swallowing! As though he wanted to prove me wrong, now the doctor fed Gerd several spoonsful of yogurt at shorter and shorter intervals, but still Gerd easily ate the food he was fed and clearly enjoyed the change. He even made a few happy sounds and smacked his tongue. “Mmmm! Good!”
Almost annoyed, the doctor gruffly placed the cup of yogurt and the spoon on the table and left the nurse and me alone in the hospital room with Gerd.
On the contrary, the outcomes of the neurological examinations were less pleasant as they indicated Gerd was blind! I could hardly believe that, because when someone spoke to him, he always turned his head in the direction of the speaker. His blue eyes seemed so alive they gave the impression he could see. Unfortunately, the test results were very distinct and left no room for speculation nor hope for improvement.
But there was even more to deal with. As often as we could, we moved Gerd from his hospital bed to a wheelchair and took him for a little ride right through the numerous buildings of the clinic, where we would usually end up at the small self-service cafeteria.
Whenever Gerd heard the sound of the automated coffee machine, his ears would perk up, he would turn his head in that direction and start tapping on the surface of the wheelchair tray table as though he were programming a machine.
I wasn’t sure if I should consider this reaction good or bad. On the one hand, any reaction to his environment was a good thing, but on the other, it showed how connected Gerd was to his job that it even had become instinct. He clearly knew what to do when it came to machines, but couldn’t recognize that he wasn’t at work, but in an early rehabilitation clinic, strapped to a wheelchair! The degree to which Gerd was helplessly trapped in a complex situation remained unclear to outsiders and frightened me in particular!
So I tried to think of alternative ways how to use Gerd’s instinctive reactions for his brain’s rehab and considered bringing a kid’s laptop to the hospital, that Justin had played with years ago.