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Ava turned awkwardly to her son. ‘What are you thinking of doing after the show? Are you thinking of uni?’ It was so hard to be natural and unemotional around him, when all she wanted to do was stare, to drink him in, to know every last thing about his life. She fought to keep her expression neutral, her voice cool.
Stephen met her eyes with an indifference that matched his mother’s and gave a barely civil shrug, ‘Maybe. I haven’t decided. Kai’s going travelling. I might go too…’
‘You said you wanted to do media studies at Cardiff, didn’t you?’ Bethan said, grey-green eyes wide, her little mouth pursed.
He glared at her, and Ava searched for another subject. Her son was sitting so close she could have reached out and touched him. All the things she had wanted to say had skittered away, leaving her mind as empty and blank as a fresh sheet of paper.
‘Isn’t it fantastic? Let’s have a toast to Stephen and Bethan’s success in Tough Love.’ Penny raised her glass again, and the others muttered and raised their own.
‘I’m really sorry about Jesse,’ Ava said to the group as the food arrived, steaming hot on rough white dishes. ‘When Pen told me earlier, I was so shocked. I had no idea.’ It was a tester, or some stray thread of instinct that made her speak, and the reaction was… interesting, Ava thought, forking up the tiniest bit of fragrant curry. There was enough on her plate to feed the whole table.
The pause in clattering cutlery and clinking glasses was sharp and shocked.
‘It was such a horrible thing to happen, but he always did go too fast,’ Penny sighed sadly. ‘Kai and Kelly have made the best of it, though, and they’ve still got the house at least. The council tried to throw them out, the bastards, but they won the appeal. The local papers got involved and everything.’ She was neatly unwrapping her paper napkin, and smiling at the young lad who dumped her plate of food on the table.
‘I don’t think you saw Kai as a baby did you, Ava? I forget what happened before you left and what was afterwards sometimes. It was so long ago,’ Paul muttered without making eye contact.
There was a moment of silence as everyone around the table registered the barb. Stephen was watching his mother with narrowed eyes, waiting for her response. Ava opened her mouth but was saved by an apparently oblivious Leo.
‘He was a good rider, and he knew that road like his own garden. The police reckoned it was his error at first, and they said that maybe some animal ran across the road and he swerved to avoid it. Later, they said it was a diesel spill that made him lose control.’ Leo was digging into a vast forkful of flaky fish and mushy peas.
‘No room for error on that corner,’ Rhodri added, watching Ava as she picked at her chicken madras. ‘Not hungry, love?’
‘No, I mean, I am. I was just thinking about Jesse.’
‘Well, don’t,’ Penny told her. ‘It was a while ago now, and accidents do happen, don’t they?’
The atmosphere was electric suddenly, and even Bethan narrowed her eyes at the adults, clearly picking up the tensions.
‘Yes,’ Ava agreed. ‘They do. Excuse me for a moment. Are the toilets still in the same place?’
‘Straight past the bar and down to your right. There’s a new block too. Pub’s gone up in the world,’ Leo told her with a grin.
She locked herself in a cubicle and pressed her hot forehead to the coldness of the stone wall. After a long while the nausea and dizziness passed, and she was able to breathe properly again. The toilet block smelled of piss and disinfectant, and the floor was wet and sticky beneath her boots. But it was preferable to sitting with her old friends, her ex-husband, her son…
It was like being locked in a tiny box with her worst nightmares. How could they all be so blasé about Ellen? Talk about the cliché of the elephant in the room – Ellen’s presence was more like a fucking great mammoth. Her name wasn’t mentioned, of course, but even Penny crassly saying how nice it was to get everyone back together, just showed how far they seemed to have come. Of course, it was such a long time ago they probably thought they were safe.
Word would have got around that Ellen’s parents were going to move, and what about the PI? Nobody had mentioned him yet, but she was certain they knew, were waiting for her to bring it up in conversation. Waiting, Ava thought bitterly, to see what she was going to do. They were a pack, and she was an outsider. Their faces were just too set, eyes too bright and the laughter forced and loud. In some ways they were right, everyone had to move on. But she couldn’t shake her own feeling of needing to clear her conscience.
She took a deep breath, controlling the dizziness with an effort. Once the room had steadied she headed back out past the bar, pausing for a moment to observe the group. They were deep in conversation. Stephen was pointing his fork at his dad, laughing. He was a good-looking boy, and when he smiled, she could see a trace of her own features. Or was it just wishful thinking?
Ava shrugged the thought away and sat down.
‘Here you go, Paul just got you another drink.’ Penny pushed a glass towards Ava, and topped up her own from a bottle of wine that now stood on the table.
Still picking at her food, mindful of Leo’s body wedged close to hers on the bench seat, and her son glaring at her from across the table, Ava carried on drinking.
Chapter 9
I saw her naked last night. It was delicious and disturbing. It’s such a long time since I have touched her bare skin. I’m surprised how easy it was to slip the drug into her drink, but I suppose the awkwardness of the situation put her off guard. I’ve done this so many times before. Usually I’m there when they wake up, and to be honest, I prefer them to know what’s happening. It’s more exciting. This was a bit different, and just a tiny taster of what I have planned.
Now, I’m alone in my room, reliving the thrill of last night, hugging my arms around me, and almost shivering with excitement. Will she know something happened to her, after she crept into her hard bed, or will she just dismiss it as a hangover? Will she sense where my fingers trailed across her body? My invisible prints would cover every inch of her skin. I noted a couple of new scars, the way her hips have thickened slightly with age, but she’s in great physical shape, with long lean muscles, and high, firm breasts. She is still my Ava.
I could have done more, God knows, I could have done a lot more, but the last game must be played slowly and carefully, so I can savour each new move.
My visit was timed to the second, and whilst I played, I made myself constantly aware of the tick-tock of the clock on her bedside table. It took a while to get what I needed, but I am a bit of an expert at my craft, and whilst I hate to give credit, I did learn from a master.
The knife is new each time, and of course it had to be pristine and unsullied for Ava – anything else would be sacrilege. I cut very slowly, relishing the dots of scarlet springing up as the blade slid across her pale skin. I may have even panted a little as the blood became a red thread, its presence startling and out of place against the homely setting of the Birtleys’ best bedroom.
Before I could stop myself, I knelt by the side of the bed, lowered my head and licked the wound. The sweet, metallic taste is always so sensual, but with Ava it was more. She was like nectar on my tongue. She is special. I was part of her, and just for a moment, I held her in my mouth. Her breathing got a little faster, almost like she recognised I was there, and I waited until she quietened again, almost holding my own breath.
Tick-tock, and I couldn’t do any more that night. She is supposed to wonder, but not to know. Not yet.
Petulantly, like a child cheated out of a bag of sweets, I left my parting gift next to the obnoxious yellow bedside lamp and slipped stealthily back across the room. Two minutes, and I paused at the foot of the bed, relented, and allowed myself a final treat…
Leaning down, I felt her warm breath on my cheek, and my lips found hers. A gentle, chaste kiss, but I fought the urge to tear at her lips like a ravenous animal.
A last look and I was back at the door. The house was shadowed, quiet, and I let myself out, and walked home. The freezing air was nothing to me, and elation warmed my blood. I hurried back, eager to move my player along to the next square.
The hill is always an effort, but I paused at the halfway point to admire the shadows, the dips of blackness where the evil things dwell, and the eerie moonlight that turns the Big Water into crumpled paper.
Now, with a few stolen moments alone, I can relive my night, before I face the world of normality. My game face is back on, and I’m ready for our next meeting.
‘Wnaethoch chi gysgu’n dda neithiwr, Ava Cole?’
‘Did you sleep well last night, Ava Cole?’
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